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Wavering
" Let's switch on the lights."
It was clear. Each word was a short-term battle against periods of silence filled with Ludwig's efforts to contemplate, to forget and to compose plans that probably wouldn't appear to be of any use.
Upon hearing this particular phrase, Naoji opened his eyes. It must had been the sound of Ludwig's voice, the vague hue of hidden unrest in it that got mixed with the lulling sense of warmth he was experiencing, as he had settled himself close to his partner for a while. He turned a little and looked outside the window... he was sure he had missed a part of the trip. The sky had quietened in brightness, and it was also the fluid change of how light and shadow were balancing upon the scenery that the Japanese male did not notice earlier. Although the colours and shades around them were becoming different, the young man was also able to recall and identify their current location. They were about to arrive there.
Naoji drew apart from Ludwig, returning back to his own place. As he stared in front of him, he noticed the shinny traces of white light that increased the range of visibility on the road and made him realise what his companion meant when he spoke a moment ago.
" Are you feeling well? I hope you are not too tired." Ludwig said in a low tone, actuated by the fact that Naoji had nestled his body so near to his previously; Really he couldn't understand why he found it more convenient to think that it was an act of tiredness rather than a show of affection.
" No, not all. I am fine." The man said somewhat hurriedly.
" It didn't bother me. You kept me warm while you were here."
Naoji tried to evade the impact of his last words, ignoring the impression of how strange they sounded, how...
" Are you cold now?"
" A little."
Naoji gazed at him thoughtfully after the answer and then took Ludwig's coat from the back sit where it was lying, " Although spring has come, her nights have not recovered completely from winter's harshness." He commented as Ludwig leaned forward a little while he was driving so Naoji could at least cover his partner's back with the coat. His movements were attentive and kind as he placed the long hair aside so it would not become entangled with the garment.
" Naoji." A glimpse of that beautiful face and those eyes filled with profound mystery and gentleness reminded Ludwig of the reasons that possessed the potential to urge him to deny everything- all that existed a few more miles ahead of him and even the guilt of his story, so that he wouldn't have to offer a tough fate to all the prized feelings and the love that still belonged to him.
A passing glint of fury shone on Ludwig's eyes for an instant, but nothing else about him betrayed his emotional state. What mattered at the moment was to finish the rest of the distance, to go to the end where the thread of another beginning would be lying there, for him. And for Naoji.
It nearly felt as if only a bead of time had passed between this thought and the stopping of the car at the parking lot of the manor.
" Are you ready?"
" Yes. Let's go take our luggage."
The statement was followed by an absolute quietness, seeming so uncanny and unusual to both of them. Ludwig did not open the door immediately and Naoji was still. He noticed that the windscreen was slightly blurry from the humidity of the night.
" I don't know..." The voice was so faint, but within that silence it was easy for Naoji, not only to hear every word clearly but also to perceive, with some instinctive knowledge, what bothered the man next to him.
" I am keeping my eyes on you. You are not alone." The response came out naturally from his lips. They turned to look at each other at the same time, unhurriedly, without constraint, like two nocturnal creatures that communicate in the shadows.
" What a torture must this be for you, Naoji. But I am already guilty, am I not?"
His companion swallowed slowly, preparing his next words. " If you say that again, I will be angered." Although the Japanese man made sure his voice was gentle, the tension in each part of the sentence was clear and almost threatening.
Ludwig continued to gaze calmly into his lover's eyes, blinking only when he heard the last word. And he did not remove his focus from him when Naoji lifted one hand to touch his face softly and then leaned forward with the serious intention to seek his mouth.
The kiss was slow, fierce and heated from the beginning. The essence of love was not missing, it was there, mixed together with a sweetened lust. Ludwig's senses were encircled into the shared declaration of their real desire, he couldn't question it, not now, not this instant. He responded with deep, true passion, his arms fully surrounding his partner's body with care, not breaking the kiss in the meantime. Naoji murmured some words pleasurably against his partner's lips and though they were in Japanese -a language which seemed to the listener that its very sounds harboured all the mysteries of one important truth- they gave room to imagination, and a strong sensation of the feeling they carried.
The sensation filled them with longing, physical and emotional, but rational consciousness guided them to soften and thereby end their touch.
" What I said, it's..." Naoji was ready to explain the words, as he tended to use his first language sometimes, unintentionally, when he was deeply affected by emotion.
" Don't let me know." His lover interrupted him. " As always, I prefer to imagine the meaning behind these strong, flowing sounds."
Naoji slightly shook his head. " Fine. I am not going to deprive you of that freedom then."
They exited the car in silence and while Ludwig was about to protest about Naoji's willingness to carry both of their suitcases on his own, something distracted his attention and he stood still, his eyes examining a specific spot.
" Lui, what is it? " Naoji asked a bit later, looking behind him as he didn't notice immediately that his companion had not moved too far from the car yet. Instead of receiving a quick answer, he saw Ludwig proceeding back to the entrance of the path from which they entered, but before Naoji could decide what to do or call him again, the man returned. He assumed that Ludwig probably wanted to check something, but he didn't bother asking what it was since the man did not seem worried or interested to talk about it.
" Don't carry all that weight." Naoji heard his fellow Strahl saying and for one moment his mind initially produced a deeper interpretation from those words in contrast to the evident, plain one, as he next saw Ludwig's hand moving to seize one suitcase away from his grasp.
The enormous, majestic house, the incredibly high ceiling with the heavy chandeliers hanging from it and its whole colourful, luxuriant atmosphere somehow, in some inexplicable, strange and diabolic way made Naoji feel like a trapped animal, repressed and completely incongruous as if the mere furniture around him could discern the desires in his heart and body, like they knew this guest was keeping a terrific secret.
Naoji mentally admonished himself for losing control over his thoughts and tried to regain his inner composure. " It's a great, admirable house. The place where Lui passed most of his life." He centered his attention on him, to feel more peaceful.
" Ah, master Ludwig, how come you didn't use the front entrance? Forgive me, I would have helped you much quicker if I knew earlier." A male servant who seemed to appear out of nowhere hurried to provide them any service he could. Ludwig made a gesture with his hand like he wanted to show that there was no need to become anxious.
The man spoke they walked the main corridor. " So, was Raymond able to pick you up from school?"
" I didn't call him, we came with my own vehicle. As we speak of it, was our chauffeur going to leave the manor today for any reason?"
" Yes, he left this morning due to some personal issue but he will be here by tomorrow, I believe."
" That's strange... If it wasn't him, then who closed the gate of the parking lot? I don't recall doing that myself after we arrived."
Naoji turned abruptly towards his fellow Strahl, in surprise, waiting in silence what else he was going to hear. Perhaps this incident didn't mean anything and though Ludwig sounded apathetic as he spoke, a specific suspicion had already crept in Naoji's mind like a serpent...
" You want me to go check the place, master?"
" No. It's not necessary."
The house assistant leaded them to the dining room where Ludwig's mother waited for her guests. Naoji felt the hand of his partner against his back, pushing him gently next to his side, so they could enter and be seen at the same moment. " Don't stay behind me." Ludwig urged him in a low whisper, leaning closer to speak.
The door opened, revealing the sight of a woman sitting in an armchair, gazing thoughtfully outside the window. As she turned her head and her eyes met with those of the two visitors, she brightened up.
" Have you been well, mother?" The son talked first.
" I am very pleased now that you have come home." Ann said, smiling at her child. " Ah, Ludwig... you seem to have grown taller."
" Hm? No, I haven't changed since the last time you saw me."
Naoji felt his heart lightening as he observed them... mother and son seemed to be close and the woman's presence still radiated that calming warmth, the kind that showed clearly how approachable and humane she truly was.
" Now, mother, see whom I have brought with me." Ludwig suggested in his usual tone.
" Naoji." Ann spoke with contentment. " I was hoping that you would visit the house again."
" It is a joy and an honour to be able to meet you. Thank you for receiving me." The man responded, bowing in respect.
" Where is father?" Ludwig asked, folding his arms on his chest. The line of his eyebrows indicated a slight displeasure.
" In his office." The mother said in a lower tone, observing her son's face for a moment like she was attempting to read his feelings. " But he told me he would join us for dinner so, we can wait for him. I don't think this will take long. You may sit if you like."
Naoji hesitated, feeling that maybe it was improper to take a seat at the table before the duke's arrival. " I think we should wait. It's no problem." He uttered discreetly to Ludwig who did not reply and suddenly seemed completely indifferent, as if the situation did not concern him. Naoji noticed that his companion had a similar reaction sometimes when Orpherus was stating his own beliefs during class, which happened not to always be in harmony with Ludwig's. Naoji wasn't sure if his partner stopped listening on a certain point or he preferred to remain silent and passive so he could contemplate some sort of answer, preparing the ground for further debate later.
Naoji turned to look at the window... clouds had gathered around the half-moon as if they had come to form a nest for its brightness. Hearing his companion sighing for a short moment, made him change the centre of attention and he was suddenly given the impression that Ludwig and his mother were a little tense for some reason that had eluded him. Then...
" Philip."
The expecting member of the meeting had just arrived, observing the awaiting ones as he stood at the door for a few seconds. " I see the whole family has gathered here already."
Ludwig arched an eyebrow curiously as he noted an odd emphasis on how his father pronounced the word family. The son decided though it was not time to observe but to act. He stepped forward and addressed his parent, " Father, if I recall well, you haven't made a personal acquaintance with any of my schoolmates in the Strahl class till now. This is Naoji Ishizuki."
" Mm-hm... a schoolmate, right?" Philip commented, as though to himself, as he shook hands with the younger male, but again, Ludwig sensed a peculiar tone of subtle mischief in his father's words.
" Nice to meet you, sir." The duke's handshake was confident and firm, giving Naoji a first good impression.
" I have heard good things about you from my wife Ann." He added, not mentioning or questioning anything about Naoji's origin or lineage like many people in Kuchen used to do when they contacted him for the first time.
" Well, shall we have our dinner now?" The duke suggested, making a small gesture towards the table. Ann was ready to notify someone that they were ready to accept the meals but her husband anticipated her. " No need to go anywhere. I have already requested to bring the dishes before I come here."
" Oh, you did?" Ludwig muttered, giving him a quick look, without waiting to hear a further reply.
Philip used the seat at the edge of the rectangular table facing Ann on the other side while Ludwig and Naoji sat across each other, though the two of them hardly exchanged glances during the short time when the food was being served.
" So, Ludwig, how come you didn't bring the rest of your friends with you, like the other time?" The father asked, trying to lock his gaze with his son's.
" Did you need them anything?"
" No, I am only asking."
" Orpherus and Eduard seemed both occupied with a matter involving a female student they know. It is a situation which I currently don't consider important to me, but I feel that they wouldn't leave it to join me instead. As for Camus, it is evident that he feels more independent and doesn't need to be with me all the time, he has made friends with other people with whom they are on good terms."
" I am so glad to hear that about Camus." Ann said.
" And Naoji was the only one free, when I called you I suppose."
Ludwig picked his fork and knife, focusing his attention on cutting carefully a piece of meat in his plate. " Actually, " He began to speak while doing that, " Naoji was the only one I could tolerate, no, accept as company during that time."
" I see." Philip commented as he lifted his glass to take a long sip of his wine while leisurely casting his gaze on each of the two Strahl. Naoji felt trapped between that unshakable gaze and Ludwig's serious frown on his face that followed after these words. The son raised raised his head only for a moment to look at his father, but he did not say anything.
" Those meals are very tasteful. And the wine, delights the senses. We should rejoice in the present but also be ready to face a future full with responsibilities and probably much less bliss than this."
" Could that be a reference to the instability occurring in the neighbouring nations of Kuchen? Surely, someone of his status must be very informed and have a greater view of matters regarding the balances of Europe." Naoji thought after listening to Philip's short speech.
" Ludwig."
" Yes, father."
" After we finish our dinner, I would like to talk to you. In person."