10x01 (Black): Demon in our Midst
Sam doesn't know what to expect when he gets no response to his summons of Crowley. It certainly isn't for Dean's body to have completely disappeared with only the cryptic note, Sammy Let Me Go. Okay, maybe not cryptic, since that's exactly what he'd told Dean he should have done for him after the trials. Maybe it makes him a hypocrite now to be unable to do that, but if so, so be it.
He spends his time researching every avenue he can think of to explain why Dean would take off. Everything from the Mark of Cain itself, which he should have looked into months and months ago, to general types of possession and control, hoping something will click so that when he does find his brother, something can be done to fix him.
When he finally sees his first glimpse of Dean on that grainy black and white camera footage in the police station, he's surprised. As much as he'd picked this out as a lead on demonic activity and been hopeful it could lead him closer to Crowley and therefore Dean, he hadn't really expected it to pan out any more than the previous ones. His first thought is it somehow looks like Dean is alive, and he can't believe that because it's too good to be true – he felt his brother die and if Dean is alive, why is he hiding out? Of course, a closer look at the footage dashes his hope and replaces it with rage; some black-eyed son of a bitch is wearing his brother's skin around for kicks.
After talking with Crowley, he almost, almost wishes that was true. It's not that he really believes Crowley wouldn't lie through his teeth – of course he would – but the smug satisfaction in the bastard's voice tells Sam he's not. Well, at least not about the demon inside being all Dean. He's still sure Crowley's motives have everything to do with using Dean somehow and nothing to do with being pals. That whole buddy comedy line was just to get under Sam's skin, and of course it does, because if he hadn't been so busy punishing his brother for what he'd done, Dean never would have gotten into this mess. If Crowley hasn't learned by now just how bad an idea it is to screw with the Winchesters, Sam is going to make sure it sinks in this time, mortal wound deep.
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10x02 (Reichenbach): Overconfidence and Indulgence
Things have been different since he woke up in the bunker, black eyes and all. His first thought was to make sure Sam let him go. Whatever last minute misgivings Sam had felt, the previous year had made it clear Sam wanted to be done with him. That had hurt, before, but now it just seems like the best thing for both of them to give Sam what he wants.
Since then, Dean's been giving himself what he wants, when he can get up the energy to want anything at all. Before, he'd have felt guilty about not being out there, doing something to save people from the monsters. Now, hey, he's unequivocally one of the monsters, so it's just not his problem. It doesn't hurt that he can see the wheels turning and the aggravation growing in Crowley the longer Dean just screws around. One thing hasn't changed, Dean Winchester doesn't take orders from anybody. He's just waiting to see the expression on Crowley's face when the bastard finally snaps and tries to treat Dean like the minion he was hoping the Mark would turn him into. High on killing Lester the idiot, it is pretty much everything Dean could have hoped for.
Of course, the thing he should have remembered about Sammy is that his brother is one stubborn son of a bitch, and the kid has it in his head that Dean is his responsibility. He's vaguely aware that if he were still completely human, he'd probably be doing what Sam is now, but he's not, and now, with the detachment being a demon has given him to everything, Dean feels like he's seeing things clearly for the first time. He and Sam aren't good for each other, and haven't been for a very long time now, and if he could just get Sam to let go instead of spouting sappy speeches about brotherhood...
The last thing he expects is for their discussion to be interrupted by some random moron. Dean doesn't even know if he killed the guy's dad or not, and he really doesn't care. Although beating him up is pretty fun, because the idiot is so completely overconfident and so absolutely clueless. Unfortunately, he lets the fun of it distract him. He should have known better than to forget about Sammy.
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10x03 (Soul Survivor): What Lurks Within
He'd known Crowley was telling the truth about Dean being a demon now, thanks to the Mark of Cain. Knowing it hadn't been enough for Sam to really prepare himself for seeing it. That's not some creature screwing with him by wearing his brother's face, that's his actual brother. Seriously twisted and still trying to screw with him, but his brother. When he's making unearthly growling sounds that raise the hair on the back of Sam's neck, when he's blaming Sam for everything bad that ever happened in both their lives, when he's swinging a hammer at Sam's head – it's Dean. Yeah, the stuff he says is a completely obvious ploy to strike back at Sam the only way available, but it still hurts to hear even if he knows it all comes from the dark, ugly place everyone has at the back of their mind that whispers spiteful things. Sam can't help but wonder if this is some kind of cosmic payback for the things he knowingly said to hurt Dean to get back at him after Gadreel.
Almost all their lives, Dean has always been the one to pull them back together, to refuse to give up and admit defeat. The last time Dean gave up on them was when they were in the middle of the apocalypse with no way out and everyone saying it was destiny for them to give in. It's the only other time Sam has felt so completely lost; most of the time he doesn't even think about the fact that Dean is always there acting as an anchor to hold him in place or to push back against. Dealing with the horrible things Dean is saying while seriously wondering if he's actually killing his brother, Sam barely manages to hold it together.
Cas' matter-of-fact pronouncements about killing Dean don't help. Not only does Sam doubt he can do that, he's not entirely sure he can let Cas do it, either. When Dean gets loose and Sam's hopes his brother will have been affected the way Crowley was towards the end of the trials are spectacularly dashed, Sam finds his answer. He can't intentionally kill his brother, even while his brother is happily trying to kill him.
Besides, when it's all said and done, Sam has to wonder if they would have been able to kill him anyway. The knife hadn't worked on Abaddon and Metatron already killed Dean once, but it didn't take. If Sam couldn't kill him, he certainly wouldn't be able to stand carving him into pieces to bury alive separately in cement. He figures they were all really lucky Cas showed up when he did and the cure did ultimately work.
Of course, it doesn't solve everything. Maybe most of what the demon version of Dean said wasn't exactly true, but of all the things that came out of his mouth, Sam suspects it's true enough Dean found being a demon much easier than being himself. Which puts just how bad things have been for his brother in a harsh light that Sam really doesn't like or know how to fix. With the mark's continued presence on top of it, well, Sam's still got plenty to worry about.
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10x04 (Paper Moon), Take One: Armchair Quarterbacking
Coming back from being a demon is hard. Not just from the guilt of the things he'd done and said and almost done, but also from the guilt of missing the freedom of it. He didn't want to be a creature that needed to be hunted. He didn't want to do wrong or outright evil. But he doesn't really want all the weight of the world back on his shoulders again either. That's why he agrees with Cas he and Sam should take some time off, and it's great, really, it is. The two of them need the time to reconnect and get past everything that's happened in the last year.
Except it's not quite that easy. When he tells Sam he needs to work, he means it in more than one way. All these years being on the hunt, it's just habit to look for cases - but he could get past that. As much as sorting himself and his relationship out with Sam sounds like a good idea, actually being in his head isn't all that fun. He sure as hell doesn't wanna dwell there. Even without those issues, the Mark is still there and he can still feel the pull of it. The reduced but present need he feels to kill something is only compounded by what Crowley told him would happen if he didn't feed it.
Unfortunately, the hunt they agree to do does not help him. While it's great he and Sam actually open up and talk to one another in a way they haven't done in ages, it doesn't fix anything. He's not blind; he can see echoes of himself and Sam in Kate and Tasha. Dean's not unaware it's so much easier to make the call to let go when it's someone else's family on the line. Even if she wanted to, from what they know of werewolves, Tasha couldn't come back from eating human hearts, and she didn't want to. Kate allowed herself to realize that Tasha wasn't really her sister anymore. That'd be great and all, but it means Dean didn't get to kill anything. And it's an unpleasant reminder of Dean's fear that after what happened in the bunker, when it comes down to it again, Sam isn't strong enough to make the call Kate had to.
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10x04 (Paper Moon), Take Two: Vulnerability
Sam had been willfully blind for a lot of the time right after Dean had come back to the bunker with the Mark. He hadn't really cared his brother had become more callous and violent, because he'd been doing his best to separate himself from Dean. In retrospect, though, the signs were present and the fact he can see them again now already is worrisome. The Mark had been pushing Dean out of control well before it made him a demon, and Sam can't help but wonder how long his brother will hold out until it happens again.
The echoes he can see of himself and Dean in Kate and Tasha don't help at all. Hearing Kate talk about her desperation to save her sister, seeing the family pictures of the two of them as children, and then realizing what's become of them and what he and Dean are there to do. It just hurts because he's not at all sure Dean will be able to control himself any more than Tasha wants to. Maybe that's why he's distracted enough the werewolves get the jump on the two of them.
He and Dean have been acknowledging but not really dealing with the fact that Dean was a demon. Dean killed at least one mostly-innocent human being – that Sam knows about. To hear Dean say there are just some things you can't come back from, he knows his brother isn't just talking about eating human hearts. He wants to suggest they go back to relaxing and taking time off, but he does understand why Dean doesn't want to do that. His brother has always been too ready to take on the guilt for everything and tried to balance it by doing good by hunting. It's not healthy, but if it's the only thing that's going to make him feel better after this latest load, Sam can be there to keep him from falling too far under the influence. At least, he has to hope he can.
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10x05 (Fan Fiction): Strange Perspectives
Sam's right, a missing teacher really isn't all that much to go on. Still, he needs to be doing something, and as good at is feels to restore Baby from the state she'd gotten into when he just didn't care as a demon, it's not enough to keep him occupied. Dean doesn't want to have to think about that being less about wanting to get back to normal and more about the Mark's creeping influence. So he pushes for the potential case, because at least investigating something that turns out to be nothing will involve some kind of movement between now and then.
Of course, if he'd known what they were going to stumble into, he probably wouldn't have been quite so eager. He'd thought meeting Chuck was surreal, he'd thought walking into a convention with people dressed as him and Sam was freaky, he'd hated visiting an alternate reality where he and Sam had to pretend to be some bozo actors who played them on TV, but seeing their lives as a musical theater production? Wow. That was just a whole new level, even before you added in the supposed subtext and act two, complete with robots in space, ninjas, and his apparent temporary gender change.
Reservations aside, it is a good thing he picked up on the disappearance because the only weird here isn't just the play. Once Dean gets past the fact these girls don't know they're making a weird fictional rewrite of actual people's lives, they're just another bunch of innocent civilians who need help. When it's all said and done, Dean thinks they're a cool bunch and they don't do a half bad job of working to help save themselves. As its own separate story, the play's better than he gave them credit for, too.
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10x06 (Ask Jeeves): Monsters Behind Unlocked Doors
The whole great WASP mansion murder mystery and Bobby's connection to it are just another weird day on the job, when it comes down to it. It was a little disappointing their hope of a windfall didn't pan out, but it's easy enough for Sam to shrug off.
What he can't shrug off is the way Dean goes terminator on the shapeshifter. Sam had agreed to be the distraction so Dean could get one of their guns with silver bullets from the car. It was part of the plan for Dean to be the one to shoot her, and she deserved to die for killing four innocent people, no matter how sad her story is. Maybe if Olivia had been given more choices she wouldn't have turned into a monster, but she's right; by the time they met her, it was already too late for her. Yet the way Dean just keeps shooting after she's already down is chilling and far too reminiscent of what happened with Abaddon.
It's not that he didn't think they would have to deal with the Mark at some point, but he was hoping they'd have more time to figure it out. Sam's almost as worried by the way his brother dismisses the incident as he is by what actually happened. He's honestly not sure if Dean is already going back on his promise to be straight with him or if Dean's fooling himself about how okay he is. Either way, it seriously scares him.
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10x07 (Girls, Girls, Girls): The More Things Change
Dean didn't actually forgot the case with Cole's dad, once he had time to sort through his memories of past hunts. Not just because he ran into a monster then he hadn't seen before or since, but because he remembered that little boy crying over what he thought was his father. As a demon, he didn't care enough to try and remember and had just wanted to rub salt in the wound anyway. Now, he's got to try and fix what his actions turned that kid into. Somehow. It's his fault this guy even found out monsters exist, and he has yet to know a hunter that actually met a good end. He hopes it's not too late to talk this guy into going back home to his family and forgetting what he saw.
Even before he spent time as a black-eyed son of a bitch, Dean didn't really hope things would someday work out okay for himself. As long as he can remember, he's always expected to go down fighting one fugly or another. The only difference between then and now is all the years in between have left him increasingly bitter about what he knows he can't have. The mark has only made Dean more sure of his ultimate end. He can only hope showing that hopelessness to Cole will be good enough. Both to send him home and to sate his lingering desire for revenge.
Sam doesn't want to see it, and maybe for Sam that inevitable sticky end won't be true. If there's anybody stubborn enough to get out and stay out of hunting, it'd be his brother. The last thing Dean needs is a lecture on the subject, though, so when Sam asks, he tells his brother what he thinks he needs to hear. He doesn't figure Sam truly buys it, but so long as it gets Dean out of talking about it, he doesn't much care.
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10x08 (Hibbing 911): Not Enough Fear of the Unknown
Sam honestly isn't sure what to do about Dean's current predicament, but he doesn't blame Dean for being frustrated with the Men of Letter's lack of useful knowledge. Normally, Sam would be one of the first people to support academics for the sake of pure knowledge, but the disconnect between the way the Men of Letters and hunters look at the monsters out there killing people disconcerts even him sometimes. They've got no knowledge on the mark of Cain, the only thing able to take down a knight of hell - incidentally the thing that wiped them all out - but they've got an epic-length study of werewolf transgenderism. Even knowing there are packs of werewolves out there like the one that found Garth who don't kill people, it still seems like time better spent on things that could have saved lives.
Dean may be more vocal about it, but the fruitless slog through the archives isn't exactly doing much for Sam, either. So when Jody calls, even if he figures she can probably handle it herself, Sam doesn't see the point in fighting Dean's eagerness to go back her up. Even if he has some worries about whether it might be better to keep Dean away from anything that might trigger the mark again, they can't stay here in the bunker getting nowhere forever.
It is nice to see Jody, if nothing else. Sam figures reconnecting with one of the few people they still have in their corner can't hurt Dean's state of mind. Donna is a surprise – in more ways than one. He didn't expect the bubbly sheriff from Stillwater to be so tough. Unfortunately, although introducing Donna to the fact monsters exist goes far better than it might have, the whole thing still leaves him with new worries. Sam doesn't know what to make of Dean's insistence the mark isn't pushing him for the first time since he's been back. Just how much is Dean feeling the mark, then? Just how much is he straight up lying to Sam, or maybe how much is he lying to himself about what it's doing to him? Sam doesn't have the answers, and every time the mark's effects come up, Sam worries that much more the lack of answers just might be coming back to bite them a lot sooner and harder than he had been hoping.
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10x09 (The Things We Left Behind): Mud on Your Rose Colored Glasses
Dean has been trying to hide just how much the mark has been bothering him, because until they find something more on it, there's not a damn thing they can do about it. Whining about it isn't going to help. The problem is, he's already wandered down this road once and he knows exactly where it ends. Last time, the Mark slowly drained off all his other hungers until he was left with little more than rage and an urge to make the rest of the world bleed. Maybe it's futile, but he wants to indulge himself in the ability to have other emotions and wants while he still can, even if he can see the fear in Sam's eyes, dissecting his every move.
He wants to have hope they'll find something, and it's not like they haven't accomplished a hell of a lot over the years. Dean's just not that much of an optimist, though; every hunter's luck runs out sometime and he's had more chances than anybody. Which is why he takes the opportunity of Cas' ridiculous "emergency" as an excuse to take the angel aside and extract a promise about taking him out. He can't leave it in Sam's hands, because for all his brother's bluster last year, Sam couldn't bring himself to fight back when Dean went full on black-eyes and was trying to smash the kid's head in with a hammer.
After he kills those douchebags just like in his nightmares, Dean feels lost. He can vaguely remember years and years ago when he felt guilty about having to waste a demon's host. Then with the devil's gate opening and the apocalypse starting, he and Sam had found themselves up to their eyeballs in demons. If they tried to take the time to set traps and exorcise every last one, the next demon would be off killing that many more people. Dean could justify those deaths even if the guilt weighed him down because he made the best choice he could to protect the most people.
Maybe these sons of bitches were taking advantage of a confused teenager and planned to beat or even kill Dean, but they'd been human. Yet even crossing that line isn't really the worst part. The thing that really scares the hell out of him is he didn't do it because he chose to. He'd just snapped and come out the other side covered in blood. Dean has always been a weapon, but now he's a loose cannon which might turn on anyone at any time. It's time to let go of the pretense he can control or predict the mark.
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10x10 (The Hunter Games): Down an Unlit Path
It's not like Sam really trusts Metatron, but Dean does have a point. What could the angel have to gain from putting Dean and the blade together while he's in their hands - other than an ugly death? That's the problem, though, they don't know what Metatron is aiming for. After how he tricked Castiel into making the angels fall, they can't assume he doesn't have an ulterior motive there's no way to even guess at.
Sam can't believe he and Cas were so careless as to lose track of Dean when they had Metatron in the bunker after what had just happened with Dean. Even after everything, the idea of watching Dean instead of watching Dean's back is still a little alien to him. Thankfully, they realized the mistake in time, but it starts Sam thinking. In the end, they're not really any better or worse off than they were before Cas brought Metatron out of heaven. Dean's desperate for a quick fix and Sam can't blame his brother for wanting that. He'd hoped they'd find an easy answer just as much. He wonders if maybe that isn't part of the problem.
Ever since Dean became human again, he's been talking about finding a way to fix the mark in one breath and making fatalistic statements with the next. Knowing what the mark already did to him once, Sam has to wonder if his brother is too busy believing he can't be and isn't worth saving to actually commit to fighting the mark's effects. Cain spent centuries resisting the mark on the strength of his will and a promise he made. Sam's brother is just as strong and just as stubborn, and he has to believe if Dean fights, he can control this. The alternative, when they have no idea of where to even look for any permanent cure, is unthinkable.
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10x11 (There's No Place Like Home): Coping Strategies
At first, Dean thinks that maybe Sam has a point about constantly working against the effects of the mark. So he makes a resolution to be good. No more booze, plenty of sleep, healthy crap food, the whole nine yards. It's miserable, honestly, but at this point, he's willing to give anything a try. He already has more than enough time being the monster to make up for.
Unfortunately, the whole bizarre Enemy Within episode with Charlie shows him how ridiculous he's being. The mark and the impulses it causes are a part of him now. They can't just be split off and ignored because he doesn't like what's come of the decision he made. The whole goody-two-shoes route doesn't make the ugly disappear. Even for Charlie, who gets a quick fix to leash her dark side, it's not that simple.
He can fight against the mark, but he's been trying to do that by pretending it doesn't exist. It shouldn't be a surprise that didn't work. The only way he's going to get through it is by actually dealing with the mark and its effects and knowing what may happen to those he cares about if he doesn't.
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10x12 (About a Boy): Fairy Tales
Sam does believe Dean can beat the mark, mainly because he has to. Losing his brother to this again, it's just – that can't happen. So Sam is going to talk the talk until he and Dean both believe it. Okay, maybe Dean is just barely hanging on – it has to be bad for Dean to admit he's not okay – but locking himself away feeling guilty is not going to get them any closer to a fix.
Of course, Sam doesn't expect the random case he found online is going to end up with his brother first doing a disappearing act and then turning up a teenager again. It's disconcerting, to say the least, and Sam really doesn't like it. He and Dean have had their issues, and God knows he really wishes Dean would stop obsessively trying to protect him, but for all their problems Dean has always been there. His big brother, a rock he knew he could count on, no matter what. Seeing him a teenager again, vulnerable in ways his adult self isn't, well, as much as he wants it gone, getting rid of the mark isn't worth that to Sam.
On top of that, there's the realization Dean as a teen now isn't acting any different than Dean as a teen back then. Taking on things way bigger than he is with complete confidence while being totally out of his depth. Seeing that again through the lens of his own adult perspective is uncomfortable in ways Sam doesn't want to think about too much. He hasn't really believed Dean is invincible for a long time, but there is a certain part of him that still has his brother on a pedestal. Right now, he needs Dean to live up to that.
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10x13 (Halt and Catch Fire): Any Average Day
As if the problems with the mark aren't bad enough, all this time on the college campus is making Dean feel impossibly old, too. Of course, then again, maybe these particular kids are just dumb and don't get his references. Seriously, how he and Sam got away with referencing Nirvana, he'll never know. Christine? C'mon, it's a classic!
At the end of the day, the whole thing is just a typical angry spirit case, once you drop the wifi internet twist. Dean doesn't believe for a minute the ghost is going to listen to him, but he's got to try and stall for his SOS to Sam to get through somehow. Of course, what he finds himself saying brings his own current issues to mind. To be fair, they never get very far from his thoughts anymore anyway.
Dean hasn't exactly been lying, but for once he decides to be completely honest with Sam about how he feels. It's time, because he just can't deal with it anymore. The constant uncertainty, the hope that just keeps getting shot down, the unrealistic expectation Metatron or Cain has an answer – Dean just can't. Dean gets it, he does, because in Sam's place he would do and has done what his brother is doing, trying to hold on to hope there's going to be an answer out there, somewhere. It's just Dean on the line here though, and all the worry just isn't worth it.
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10x14 (The Executioner's Song): A Stay that Never Comes
Cas and Sam have been so desperate to find Cain, hoping he'd pull some kind of miracle solution to the mark out of the ether, but Dean had been pretty sure he knew better. It only made sense; if Cain knew of some way to get rid of the mark, why hadn't he done it for himself centuries ago?
Still, after Cain leaves Dean no choice but to put him down as he'd originally asked, Dean has to admit to himself there was a tiny part of him that had still hoped, too. Hoped that maybe if Cain could give the mark to someone else, he could also take it away from someone else. Hoped Cain knew something that would help him resist the constant pull to do violence he can't escape from. Although the latter had been crushed pretty much from the moment Cas had told them Cain was killing again.
As if what he, himself, might do with the mark wasn't a dark enough burden, Cain's kills were on his hands, too. The guy was living in the middle of nowhere and peacefully keeping bees for who knew how long until Dean had to butt in and unbalance his equilibrium. Ultimately, Dean doesn't know if Cain really wanted to kill him to save him from what the mark will drive him to, or to gain such a reprieve for himself. He kind of suspects with the way he fought and then gave up that Cain ultimately didn't even care which way things went, and that's a chilling thought.
Regardless, if Cain's years of abstinence were thrown off that easily, there's really no hope for Dean. With the lives he and Sam lead? Which doesn't even touch on the part where he starts to get the shakes if he goes long enough without a spot of violence. How long until that's before he makes a kill? Multiple kills? Multiple kills in shorter and shorter spans? Sam may want to retain hope there's some way to save him, but Dean just hopes if they lock him down and keep the blade away from him after he dies this time, he won't get out to wreak havoc with black eyes.
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10x15 (The Things They Carried): Burdens and Investment
Dean acts like he's given up. Sam can't. He just can't. It's not that he doesn't know he's already searched every damn site on the internet that even remotely mentions the Mark. He's well aware he's going in circles, but Sam just can't sit and do nothing while a ticking time bomb counts down on his brother's arm.
This is Dean's deal all over again, and god, that seems like so long ago now, but he can't help but think of it. How desperate and helpless he felt, and how, ultimately, he wasn't able to do anything to save his brother. How long are the two of them going to have to keep going, doing this same old dance of death and sacrifice? The only thing that sounds worse is being the one left behind, alone, with nothing again.
He can't decide how he feels about Dean being so unwilling to give up on Cole. His brother won't even talk about trying to find anything else about the Mark, but he absolutely refuses to give up on a guy infected with a supernatural parasite that almost got the best of them last time they came up against one. On the one hand, it drives him nuts Dean has so much faith and willpower to put into some random guy they barely know but none for himself. On the other, if Dean is still this committed to helping people, surely, surely if Sam or Cas or Charlie manage to find something to help, maybe Dean will stop being so fatalistic if they just manage to get a lead somewhere. They just have to get a lead somewhere.
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10x16 (Paint it Black): Empty Echoes
Dean's never been religious, not since his mother burned. Even going to hell and getting pulled out by an angel hadn't fundamentally changed that. Still, doing a case in a church can't help but make a guy really think about his place in the greater scheme of things.
He told Sam he was done hoping for some miracle cure to materialize out of thin air. Just giving up on hope doesn't actually fix the feeling of hanging on waiting for the other shoe to drop, though. It's not just Sam's insistence on believing there has to be a cure out there somehow and trying to talk Dean around, either. It was easy as a hunter to know some day one monster or another was going to take you down, but Dean always felt confident he could do a hell of a lot to make sure that day didn't have to be today.
With the mark, he knows a fate worse than death is constantly looming on the horizon, but there isn't a damn thing he can do to say when it'll hit. The brand burned into his skin is a constant reminder of all the things he can't fix. Those things he'll never get the chance to do over, to do better, or simply to do. Between being a hunter and all the apocalypse crap, normal goals, normal relationships, normal anything has pretty much always been out of reach. Still, as long as he and Sam kept on living, there was always the vague possibility of maybe someday for a lot of things.
He doesn't mean to let all those vague regrets that have piled up come pouring out in that confessional. Dean's been here before, after all. Of course, when he'd sold his soul, Dean had known how long he had. One year and boom, done. Not even knowing when his expiration date's gonna come up this time just makes it that much harder to push all his regrets and doubts back down from the surface.
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10x17 (Inside Man), Take One: Convictions
Sam knows Dean has been struggling with the mark. Still, being sent running through the bunker in the middle of the night at Dean's frantic shouts of his name, and finding him twitching in the grips of a nightmare? Well, it's no surprise Dean denies any problems sleeping when asked because he never wants to let anyone in, but it's just more proof things are steadily getting worse.
His searches aren't turning up anything, so it's time to do something a little more drastic. Sam's almost glad the angels shut them out of heaven because of the opportunity to talk to Bobby again. Of course, he should have realized Bobby would catch on to how he was going behind Dean's back. He'd kind of forgotten what it was like to get one of Bobby's lectures.
Although it's not quite the same in text form, and maybe he's right about telling Dean. Of course, Bobby's also right that he hasn't been around for a while to see all the crap they've been through since he's been gone. Sam can't afford to let Dean's obstinacy prevent him from finding a way to cure the mark. With the way Dean's been refusing to listen, it's just not worth the risk of telling him.
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10x17 (Inside Man), Take Two: The More Things Change
His brother's being all weird and obvious about wanting to go out alone, so Dean lets him get away with it. He doesn't know if the kid's got a date or what, but Sam probably can't get into any trouble he can't handle. Hell, Dean could also use the time away from Sam's constant concern about how he's doing.
Dean figures he'll spend the evening in at the bunker doing nothing much, at least at first. Unfortunately, with Sam gone, the echoes in his head just seem that much louder, so he opts to for the old standby of going out to the local bar for some background noise.
Toying with those college boy douches by scamming them with a painfully obvious hustle is more fun than he's had in a while, but unfortunately, he doesn't really get to fully enjoy it. Dean hopes it's something about being in a bar without a case to work or the malice aforethought of tricking those kids out their money. He really hopes it's something about that which has driven his mind to play tricks on him. Because the alternative, that his eyes really did go full on demon there for a second, that's terrifying. Surely, surely he has more time – but if the demon is already that close to emerging, for all he knows it could happen any time without his needing to die or have the blade.
Rowena and her schemes, by comparison, are hardly a blip on his radar. Of course, Crowley is another matter. Dean certainly doesn't trust the king of hell, since he's the one that manipulated Dean into the mark in the first place. Still. Crowley is, weirdly, one of the closest things to a friend Dean's got – and he doesn't want Dean to go back to being a demon, either. It's not enough to trust that whatever he'd ask for in exchange for curing the mark wouldn't be too much, or to expect he won't manipulate Dean in some other way in the future, but for a demon, he's not a bad guy and he clearly needs a friend. He also doesn't trust Crowley enough to make a request like the one he made to Cas, but keeping the demon invested in Dean's situation might not be a bad idea, either. Just in case. Times really have changed when Dean's thinking crap like that.
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10x18 (Book of the Damned): Ends and Means
Bobby's words about going behind Dean's back being a bad idea are echoing in Sam's head when Dean suddenly volunteers that while Sam was off infiltrating heaven, he actually learned something new about the mark. Granted, it doesn't seem to have been knowledge gained on purpose, but the fact he even shares the information gives Sam some hope maybe Dean isn't entirely giving up after all.
Then Charlie calls and she's got the book she went looking for and she's telling them she's pretty sure they can fix this thing. The change in Dean is completely astonishing. With the prospect of the mark being cured on the horizon, he's grooving to the radio and talking beach vacations. Basically acting more like himself then he has in, well, too damn long.
Which is why Sam can't do it when Dean demands they destroy the book. It doesn't matter the book keeps sending Dean into some weird kind of mesmerized state, or that there's all kinds of evidence the Stein family and the book are relentlessly evil, or even that Dean claims the book is calling to the mark. Maybe there will be consequences to using the book – knowing their luck, there definitely will be – but they already know what leaving the mark where it is will do to Dean. Sam won't let that happen again. Not ever, but especially not on the heels of realizing how badly he wants his brother back the way he used to be.
Sam has always thought hunting was never the life he would choose for himself. What he told Charlie is true, though. He has chosen hunting over and over again, even while constantly thinking in his head it was only for a little while. Plenty of people grow up to realize that just because the life they always dreamed of isn't the one they end up with, it doesn't mean what they do have is bad. He just might be ready to consider himself one of them - if only they can just save Dean.
So that's what he's going to do. Whatever it takes.
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10x19 (The Werther Project), Take One: Questionable Mortality
Dean knows Sam is still upset the lead with the Book of the Damned didn't pan out. He gets it, but that doesn't help him from being sick of the looks his brother keeps sending him, like he's going to blow any moment. It may be true, but to keep catching that look on Sam's face out of the corner of his eyes, like Sam doesn't know whether to hug him or be afraid of what he'll do next, it's getting old.
That's why he runs off to clear out a vamp nest on a solo run. Well, that and to try and keep the mark fed now they know it's going to be a while yet before they find a way to get rid of it. Thing is, if there was a spell in one book, well, that means it's definitely possible to cure it. Still, Dean doesn't blame Sam for running off to do a case of his own to make a bitchy point about what a douche move the vamp nest thing was.
Of course, it's a good thing he knows Sam as well as he does, because the case his brother picked is a doozy. When he slips mentally into Purgatory Dean knows it's all fake. Still, having what looks like one of his best friends voicing every doubt he has is almost enough to make him forget about what he knows the enchantment in the house does to people. Key word being almost. He knows better than to believe the mark will just let him go, though, and that's something the spell can't overcome. Without the blade, the box can't force him to suicide, and according to Crowley's tale, even with the blade it might have been a lost cause.
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10x19 (The Werther Project), Take Two: Myopia
Even as prepared as he thought he was listening to that recording of the Men of Letters meeting about the Werther box, Sam hadn't truly been ready to face Magnus' spellwork. He'd known enough to realize the spell urged people to suicide, but he'd still let it nearly talk him into bleeding himself out by being diabolical enough to manifest a more obvious version of itself to be beaten.
As dismayed as he'd been Dean had caught him out and followed him to Saint Louis, he's lucky he did. It really makes him wonder what Dean was seeing that let him figure out how to beat the enchantment when Sam couldn't. Then again, Dean has no idea that what the box is protecting is a link towards getting rid of the mark. To his brother, this was just another case, but to Sam it a way to save Dean. He should have been more aware it was playing on his desperation, but he'd let it blind him.
Even if he'd died there to get the cure for Dean, even if his hallucinations of Rowena had been true, there would have been no guarantee she'd actually cure his brother. Sam can't afford to take any more chances like this turned into – getting rid of the mark is too important.
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10x20 (Angel Heart): Consummate Failure
Sam honestly doesn't know if he's being paranoid about Dean's over-eagerness to do violence. It's not like it's so completely abnormal for Dean to want to go kill monsters, but with the mark, it seems like he's fine one minute and off the rails the next. Sam isn't sure how much to chance it. Besides, he's pretty damn sure if they leave Claire alone back at the motel she's going to find her way out to the house. Hopefully she and Dean can keep each other out of trouble.
Sam understands why Cas feels the need to try and make up for what he's done to Claire's family, he's been there himself, trying to make up for something you can never make right again. Besides Claire clearly needed their help, considering her search lead to one of the craziest angels they've yet encountered. Sure the guy might have been using the humans to hide from heaven, but he clearly lost it at some point if he really thought he was feeding off of them, too. Human souls can't be separated out like that. Sam also feels like time skipped somehow between his being halfway untied and the angel holding a sword on him and Dean and Claire's arrival at the house. But at least it seems like Claire is going to be perfectly okay with finding out her mother wanted to come back to her all along and then abruptly died in her arms within minutes of the two of them reuniting. Perhaps it just hasn't fully hit her yet. Either way, she'll be in good hands with Jody.
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10x21 (Dark Dynasty): Ineptitude and Falsity
Sam has been acting kind of shady for a while now, and at first Dean's just kind of amused at how subtle his brother is not being. The longer it drags on, though, the more Dean starts to wonder what's up. He assumes it probably has something to do with trying to get rid of the mark, but as Dean already knows Sam has been looking, why the secrecy? Besides, they've found exactly nothing outside the Stein's book of evil and that's nothing but ashes now, so what is there to hide?
Despite his questions, Dean doesn't really push it because it's kind of a relief Sam is actually giving him space right now. The mark is a constant presence, but Sam's unrelenting scrutiny of his every muscle twitch is almost as tiring. Maybe Dean has slipped a few times, but Sam's worried hovering, acting like he's going to hulk out any given moment – well, it makes a lie of all Sammy's pretty speeches about believing he can fight this thing, doesn't it?
Which, turns out, is not the only lie to come out of Sam's mouth lately. Bad enough Sam kept and is screwing around with a book the mark could literally feel the evil of, but to drag Cas and Charlie into it? To leave her vulnerable when they know the Steins are lurking in town and know about her? Dean wants the mark gone, but not at the expense of whatever price the book of the damned is likely to exact, and certainly not at the cost of Charlie's life.
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10x22 (The Prisoner): Refusing to Veer
The way Dean responds when Sam asks what they're going to do about him says all that needs to be said about the situation as far as Sam is concerned. Sam's worried about the mark and Dean's only concern is getting revenge for Charlie. He doesn't even care if it's himself or the mark talking. That's the problem – Dean's dead set on writing off the only lead they've found because he won't admit he's not fine and can never put himself above anyone else. He's so concerned about some possible nebulous future consequences instead of how the mark is already eating away at who he is.
Just because Sam's brother always insists on acting like he's fine, that doesn't make it true. Knowing how much Dean pretends, and how much Sam has already seen that Dean couldn't hide, Sam knows things are already pretty damn bad. Dean pulled the same crap years ago when he sold his soul, except then they knew exactly when the consequences were coming due. Which is why Sam can't just let their only chance go; Dean could lose it tomorrow or years from now and Sam is not going to let that happen. Dean has never been able to let him go and that has driven Sam crazy more than once. The thing he sometimes forgot was that most of the times he hadn't done the same had been because he couldn't not because he didn't want to. Months of research with every resource they could scrounge up has only turned up this one lead. They can't afford to squander it. They'll deal with whatever the consequences are, like they always do.
All he has to worry about right now is killing Crowley, and that's no hardship. They've never quite gotten around to it before now because it was always more convenient not to. Still, Crowley tried to go back on his deal with Bobby and kept him out of heaven, killed several people he and Dean had saved just to make a point, tortured Kevin, and on top of it all? This whole mark thing was a scheme he dragged Dean into when his brother was vulnerable and alone.
Of course, it doesn't go quite like Sam expects it will, and he's left wondering not only why Crowley didn't kill him, but if Rowena is actually a good enough witch to pull off whatever spell it's going to take to remove the mark. This is not the even the first time Sam knows of that she's badly miscalculated. Considering what Cas tells him about the Stein's home base after Dean's done there, she has to be. She just has to be.
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10x23 (Brother's Keeper), Take One: Fundamentals
Sam has often thought that for brothers, he and Dean are nothing alike. Sam loves learning for its own sake, and while Dean is intelligent enough, he'd rather do anything else but study, regardless of if the matter was school or research. Sam likes to think through all the angles of a situation, but Dean always wants to jump right in and trust his gut feelings. In a million ways, the two of them are opposites, seemingly only drawn together by the life their father raised them into.
Yet that's not really the whole picture. They're both headstrong and stubborn. They both feel good about saving people, but they've also both had broken dreams of giving up hunting for a normal life. And not for the first time, Sam is forced to acknowledge they're both willing to sacrifice their own lives or worse to save others, but absolutely not willing to let their brother do the same.
His original thought that Death was going to kill his brother to get rid of the mark was bad enough. The actual plan is a nightmare scenario far worse than that. Dean, alive forever, alone forever, suffering under the influence of the mark with no reprieve – forever. The thing that is apparently responsible for turning Lucifer into the twisted dick of an angel he became. Asking Sam to let that happen to Dean is unthinkable, that's his brother.
Even giving the previously nebulous, potential consequences a slightly more determinate form as the darkness from before creation doesn't change how Sam feels. He's reminded of something Dean said a few years back when they were desperately outclassed by the Leviathans. Ever since the apocalypse that wasn't, it seemed like the world was constantly having to be steered away from the edge of the cliff. Raphael, Crowley, Dick Roman, Abaddon, Metatron, they've beat back the impossible to save the world time and time again. The only thing they have to show for it is each other, and that one last thing is too much to ask to push back whatever giant looming evil is showing its face this time.
Unfortunately, with the mark, there's no way to keep Dean from doing it, and Sam isn't even really sure what he's after when he pulls out those pictures he's been carrying around. Maybe he meant it as a last ditch effort to change Dean's mind. Maybe he was just hoping if Dean's last memory of Earth included proof he was loved, somehow those lonely centuries ahead would be just a little less bleak. When and if there was enough of his brother's sanity left to remember anything. It ultimately wasn't really a matter of giving up so much as giving in for now, after all; since when has death ever stopped either of them, anyway?
Of course it does change Dean's mind, and Sam's been so caught up in the moment he doesn't even really remember he left Cas and Rowena working on the spell to remove the mark until suddenly it's gone in a freaky flash of lightning. Afterward, as the huge ominous cloud rolls towards them at frightening speed, Sam reflects that Dean is right, there are consequences. But Sam's right, too, because the biggest thing they have in common is their determination to screw over destiny and other impossible odds.
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10x23 (Brother's Keeper), Take Two: Consummate Refusal
Dean isn't going to be Cain. That's what it comes down to. Dean knows he's not entirely in control on some level, but the largest part of him has kept insisting it wasn't really that bad.
Sure he'd lost it and killed that room full of scumbags, and the Steins, but honestly, neither one of those were really worth anyone's tears. Rudy, though, he can't just write off. That split second where he seriously considered killing Castiel just because the angel was annoying him, he can't just write off. Even the way he killed that Stien kid because of his bloodline the same way Cain was tracking down all of his descendants is an uncomfortable echo, that in retrospect, he can't just write off. Dean isn't going to be Cain.
Sam's been too fixated on the damned book of the damned to even look anywhere else for some other cure to the mark, and it's time to admit he's already too far gone to just hold out and hope for the best. He's got no other options he can think of other than calling up the one guy that can maybe kill his ass off for good with the mark in play and asking for a favor. Everyone around him is in danger, and Dean isn't going to be Cain.
When Death proposes his solution, Dean doesn't see any alternatives. He can't push this mark off on anyone else. If Cain eventually went mad and started killing again, if it drove Lucifer to turn on God, there's just no hope for any random schmuck like him or anyone he could pick. Dean isn't going to be the one to drown the world in blood, and Death is right, whatever Sam has said in the past, he's shown he's not willing to let this thing with the mark and Dean go. It isn't until he's holding the scythe and looking down at Sam that he remembers what was different between him and Cain from the first time they met to the last time they met. Dean isn't Cain; there's nothing that could make him kill his brother.
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A/N: As I said last chapter, I'm marking this complete. It's not impossible I may change my mind and do future seasons as they air, but I think I've gotten what I intended out of this as a project and I don't currently intend to continue.