So it continues. Nothing really interesting to report except thanks for the reviews and new readers to this story.
A special thanks to my beta reader Hyperia!
Disclaimer: I own nothing except Lucinda.
The holidays had come and gone in a quick flash and I was left to linger alone once more. Christmas day had been spent with the morning at Cat Lady's and the evening was me drinking wine alone to a candle light dinner. New Years was rapidly approaching while winter still clung to the spirit left over from the holidays before snow became snow again. I find myself on this particular morning, holding a cup of lemon tea while staring outside my kitchen window to the streets below. Snow piles had turned to ice on the cobble streets and the air looked dull and grey like dust covering a bright photograph. The beauty had been forgotten as it was hidden away for too long.
Fredrick's gift evoked quite a response but I doubt it was what he assumed when he decided on it. He had found an old photograph of us and our parents and had it turned into a large portrait. I had sulked in front of it for hours when I tore the brown paper coverings off. When I had spoken of a picture of them, I did not expect him to take it so literally and now I held too much confliction to even hang it upon my wall. It was hidden away in the back of my closet but I vowed to get over the feelings it caused soon. Until that time, I would have to drag it out every time Fredrick visited.
My heart and mind had been in quite a hankering for a visit from Dieter but most unfortunately, he was too preoccupied to come. I would handle the chess pieces and imagine him sitting across from me; holding a victorious smile back as he would surely win.
I was certain my mind had been warped ever since I had received the visit from the Apache. I was overcome with feelings of resentment for the man. He had the acute ability to read me well which was unfortunate because he now knew my own emotions better than me. Would he now be able to predict my motives before I made them too? I knew my thoughts were spiteful but I guess I was still the same person I have always been.
I had received a card from my aunt and uncle along with another one of Oliver's drawings stuffed inside. My little son could draw and I felt cheerful from just once glance, knowing the picture was made especial for me. I kept them in a draw in my vanity; away from the common eye who entered my flat. It wasn't exactly a turn on for men to find out I already had a son and I have not even been married yet. I worry for when I must tell Dieter.
I've tried to build up the courage to tell him but as soon as I see his face, the feeling is whisked away. I'm still rather fearful of his angry side. The aggression and the raw power that hides behind those ruddy eyes made me weak at the knees in both panic and fits of desire. I was well informed that he did all kinds of wrong in that uniform but I have never been more attracted in my throws of passion before. The more time he was away, the more the heated feelings would grow and I would feel a stirring in the pit of my stomach. It's as if all hell would surely break loose if my lust for this man wasn't fulfilled. My only concern was, if I had a taste would I want more?
I had received news from Fredrick that needed to be past on soon. He was certain now that the film would be complete in the spring and the premier would follow in the early summer shortly after. Unfortunately, visits have been cut short recently. I suspected it was the Apache who didn't want Donny here all the time. His absence was noticed but I felt comfortable in the time apart. My pride was shaken to admit this but Aldo may have been correct with me and Donny becoming too friendly and that was the last thing I wanted.
The walls of my flat were becoming dull to look at so I decided a change of scenery would be nice for the afternoon. I leave my coffee to cool while I go and change into something. My body felt jittery from all this confusion so I decide to dress in something somewhat sultry and risqué; a tight fitted, crimson dress that makes every curve available to the eye. I pull on dark stockings and delicate heels for my feet. The classic red lipstick is painted on my lips and my lashes are dark and full. I tie on my long, black tweed coat and top my head with a matching beret. Collecting my purse from the coffee table, I pull out my keys and head out for an afternoon of adventure.
The streets are full of cheerful faces. People are still clinging to the leftovers of holiday glee before routine takes over and the mundane spoils of war take charge once more. I knew I was included in this grouping. I generally wouldn't leave the house this well dressed unless occasion called but I was in need of pick me up since the world had been on my case for the past few weeks. The war was draining me too and I looked less than forward to its inevitable return. My life had a big hole blown in the middle and I was looking for something to fill it with.
I stride down the cobble roads with a bounce in my step and a smile on my face. Other people share in my happiness as it spreads like a virus. The often look over stares are thrown my way from young men and I ignore them as I pretend not to care. My ego always swelled slightly when I was given attention though I've been trying to tone it down. Being less shallow was apart of my plan to change, back when I talked to Fredrick in the car to the Reichminister's home those long weeks ago. In truth I did feel different; more naïve but stronger from the experiences I've gained. My instinct told me it was helping Donny that brought on the changes. In his absence I've already started reverting back to my old ways and I almost stop to go home and change my outfit but I endure on my way.
In my rush to get out of the house, I wasn't really sure of my plan or where I was headed so I decide a small café in quiet would be pleasant. I smile cheerfully when I enter the store; a jaunty little bell jingles when I open the door. Only older citizens and soldiers off duty are sitting in here. Some read the morning paper while others chat with common company. I take my place by the corner window where I order a coffee and teacake. I watch idly as people walk outside. Mothers drag their naughty children around town while sweethearts hang off the arms of soldiers. My heart strings tug at the sight of them and I wish for the company of my Sturmbannführer. My mind wanders to other people I miss but the thought leaves me unsettled so I push it aside. I smile upon seeing a familiar face enter and walk up to me.
"I thought I saw your beautiful face through the window. I must say I'm jealous of all your adoring fans looking your way, should I be worried?" Dieter asks with a genuine smile while sitting across from me.
I smile though it felt forced after I got lost in my thoughts. It doesn't go unnoticed by Dieter.
"Are you alright?" he continues, reaching for my hand. I've long since forgotten the scar that now lies there though he seems to always subconsciously reach for that same hand.
"I'm alright, I was just in deep thought about someone," I admit truthfully.
"All about me I hope," he says confidently and I brush it off with a chuckle.
"Of course my dear sir," I reply with a wink.
"I apologize once again for leaving you alone for the holidays. I hope they were not too dreadful," he speaks sincerely.
"No, I made it through unscathed," I answer jokingly.
"Well, it must be fate that I ran into you because I have the rest of the day off and I was looking for some special person to spend it with."
"If you don't mean me than this is turning out to be a terrible endearment," I say with a head tilt.
"Of course it is you, who else could compete with your angelic beauty?" he grins. I smile but the complement makes me feel worse. I sometimes wonder if he only saw my looks and nothing past the outside.
"Shall we leave than?" he asks with a suggestive brow.
"Yes, I grow tired of this place," I mean while standing with him. His hand never leaves mine and I'm right by his side once we walk out.
"And where would the lovely Fräulein like to go today?"
"I really have no preference; I had figured my day to be spent alone until now."
"Than let me surprise you," he says mischievously. We step into a parked car outside and I sit in confusion as to where he will take me. Dieter steps in on the other side. He has a small piece of fabric to blindfold me but I pull back hesitantly.
"Umm . . . I don't know about that," I mumble.
"I promise I'm not kidnapping you . . . unless you want me to?" he teases.
I give a nervous laugh.
"You trust me, do you not, Lucy?" he asks with a serious expression I fall prey to his murky blue eyes that delve deeper inside me.
"With my life," I remark and even I believed my own words.
"Alright than. If you see where we go it will ruin the surprise and you wouldn't want that." His patience seemed to be wearing thin and his word was final so I nod. He had a strange way of influencing my actions; it like I couldn't say no to Dieter and I never wanted to either which was a little frightening.
My world goes black as he gently ties the fabric around my eyes. I lean back into what I thought was the seat but instead I felt the rise and fall of someone's breathing. I was leaning into Dieter and he wrapped his arms around me while the car drove me to some unknown destination. He would run his fingers in my long hair every so often and it made a chill run up my back in a delightful way.
"Does this rule of me not knowing include me staying silent?" I ask after some time traveling.
"No, I was waiting for you to speak. I missed the lyrical sounds of your voice," he whispers in my ear and I want to melt in his arms from the closeness.
"Well than, I'll just have to keep you satisfied," I say with a sultry tone. His hands slide down my body and my breath hitches in my throat.
"My Lucy, do you think you can win this game?" he whispers while inhaling my sent. I want to moan in pleasure but I bite my tongue. If I had been standing, my knees surely would have given out by now. I was also at disadvantage because of the blindfold.
"Who ever said I was playing a game?" I challenge. I was treading on dangerous ground but I wouldn't let him discover my weaknesses for him just yet, or at least that's what my mind kept telling me what I was feeling.
I let out a small squeak when I feel his hot mouth on the nape of my neck. My eyes become hooded behind the blindfold as I close my eyes and I thank God for it concealing me. I had a sneaking suspicion I wasn't the first girl to be lured in his car and share a backseat grope fest but at the moment I didn't care because my mind was free from the conflict I had been plagued with and it was a decent distraction.
Evidently Dieter didn't take to beating around the bush for too long though I wasn't exactly opposed to his forward side but I did feel slightly nervous to how far this could go. I feel is mouth leave and the spot on my neck feels cold and wet while he smirks against my skin.
"You may not have been playing a game, Lucy, but I was," he grins darkly and it leaves me light headed. His kiss was as deadly as a bottle of whiskey drunk whole; you only indulge in small portions at once or you may get more than you can handle.
I feel his hands go to shift us out of the car once we've stopped. The pop of the car door opening precedes our exit and Dieter holds onto my waist as he guides me into a building.
"Can I take this thing off yet?" I ask in a huff.
He chuckles at my snooty behavior. "Patience, Kätzchen." His nickname kitten for me seems to have crept back and I don't favor it. It brings back my bad memories of him and leaves me uncomfortable but how could I tell him that now?
A door is opened in front of me and he leads us inside. I can hear no other people present and only the echo of our steps bounce off the walls. We walk for a little while longer and up a small set of stairs until we come to a halt.
"So what now?" I ask. His hands go to the knot of the blindfold and I can finally see again. My eyes take a moment to adjust to the light and when I look around; I see we are in an empty theatre on stage. Old red, velvet curtains hand open as I look out to an unoccupied chairs. I turn to Dieter with a raised brow.
"Where are we?"
"This opera house has not seen many guests since the Ritz so I asked to rent it out for the afternoon. My ears picked up from your brother that you like dancing so I thought this would be a nice place," he says with his hands behind his back. He walks around to the front of the stage and turns on an old record player. The sounds of Jazz music start to play and I give a little frown as he walks back over to me.
"Couldn't you get into trouble for playing that?" I ask of the music.
"Only if someone were to find out. You weren't planning on telling anyone, were you?" he asks with a curious look and I giggle from his charms.
"Of course not."
"Well, that's good; now let us not waste time on small talk. I brought you here to dance and I will fulfill that promise. Now Fräulein, may I have this dance?" he asks with a bow and one hand held out to me like a gentleman.
I give a crooked grin. "I would be honored," I smile, slipping my hand into his soft, delicate digits. My hand goes to his shoulder while his goes to my hip. We start in with the timing of the music and in no time flat I find myself gliding carelessly around the room. I was very much impressed with Dieter's quick feet as well. Sometimes we would slow with the tempo but we both had an aptitude for showing off and would get right back into twirls and dips. I felt like I was soaring high above the clouds; nothing could touch me here and my mind was free. I couldn't explain the emotion I was feeling but I was apathetic to all else around me.
After awhile, the music dies out and we are both puffing for air. I giggle when I catch his eyes.
"We're good, aren't we?" I say confidently.
"I dare say we are the best," he says arrogantly.
He pulls me close again and I stumble a little from surprise at our sudden closeness. We gaze into each others eyes and our lips close the distance between us. His arms wrap securely around my waste and mine wrap around his midsection. I marvel at how well we fit together. My insides are giddy and I feel like a battle is going on between my heart and my head. Someone else is present and clears their throat causing us to break apart. It was the janitor here to clean. My face reddens from embarrassment like I've just been caught doing something illegal. People kiss all the time so I don't understand why I was acting so childish.
"Ich muss das Theater reinigen. Würde es Sie stören, dann zu gehen?" (I need to clean the theatre. Do you mind leaving now?) the man asks politely.
"Entschuldige Sie, wir haben scheinbar die Zeit vergessen," (I apologize, we seemed to have lost track of time) Dieter replies while leading me off stage.
"Halb so wild. Sie beide erschienen ganz abwesend, da sollte ich mich wohl eher dafür entschuldigen, Sie gestört zu haben," (No harm done. You two looked very content up there. I should apologize for ruining that) the man remarks bashfully.
I spare a smile to the man as we pass him. The driver is having a smoke against the car when we return outside. He snuffs the butt out when he spots us coming and opens the door for me. I admire the outside of the theatre before the car completely pulls away. It was at the small part of town and I doubt I would ever return.
"So did today live up to your expectations?" Dieter asks after silence.
I turn to him with a pleasant smile. "Even better than I imagined. Only this morning I thought I would be solo for today but what a wonderful gift you have given me," I say appreciatively.
"I'm glad it made you happy. I'll have to do even better for the next surprise."
"Oh, I can't have you doing all theses special things for me constantly," I reply denying politely.
"But I feel honored to do so. You can try to stop me but you will not be successful," he says playfully.
"Must I endure such generosity?"
"Only the best for you. I'm sure a girl like you loves to be spoiled constantly," he teases but the comment hurts me.
A girl like me? So he did see me like everyone else. I had thought I was different to Dieter but he too is just as bad at knowing and understanding me.
"Fräulein, are you alright?" he asks with worry.
"Yes, I just feel slightly woozy from today's endeavors," I say passively. He buys my façade and turns his attention away while I sink quietly into myself. The ride back seems longer than it felt before as we pass endless rows of trees and brick buildings in town. It occurred to me that I never told him where to go but he assumed I wanted to return home as I see us pull back in front of my building.
"Allow me to walk you upstairs," he asks, stepping out with me. I really wanted to object but I silently agree. We walk inline next to each other upstairs to my door where I wanted to get away from him. Somehow hearing him say those words felt worse than a rejection.
"Well, thank you for the lovely day," I mumble with a nod while turning away but he stops me.
"I almost forgot to thank you for your lovely gift," he says and I mentally curse the locket with my photo inside.
"It was nothing really," I reply modestly.
"But it means so much more to me. During a hard day I can always look at your photo and know I can still see and speak with you." Normally those words would make me swoon but at the moment I felt hollow.
"Well, I'm glad it gives you comfort. I will speak with you again soon?" I ask sounding interested as to when we would speak again.
"As soon as I get the chance. Adieu Lucy." He kisses my cheek before parting. I trudge into my flat and drop my purse on the couch before going to change. After today I don't think I'll ever want to wear this dress again.
Along my way to my bedroom I get tackled down by someone. I'm about to shriek but they cover my mouth.
"Oh Jesus, it's only you," Donny says humorously. I'm fuming at this point. Today seemed to revolve around me getting knocked down; figuratively and literally.
"Would you get off me!" I snap. He is quick to hop off me and he pulls be up on my feet.
"Whoa, what's got your panties in a bunch? Bad date with Hitler?" he jokes and I glare while stalking away. He follows but I slam my bedroom door in his face.
"I was only kidding," he calls through the door.
"I need to change first so you can wait on my sofa," I hiss back. I hear his footsteps walk away and I plop down on my bed and groan in frustration. I hold my face in my hands while my anxiety increases. I make quick work on changing out of my dress so I can get rid of Donny faster. My choice in attire was a nightdress and my heavy bathrobe tied tightly.
I skulk back down the hall and into the sitting room where Donny eyes me with a raised brow and a cheeky grin.
"Hey happy," he greets.
I glare but nothing seems to break his good mood just as nothing would break my foul one.
"What do you want to know?" I ask heatedly.
"Well, we gave you the holidays to rest so we figured you deserve a visit. Any news yet?"
"Actually, my brother predicts the movie to be complete by spring. The premier would be early summer," I say open mindedly while sitting down in a chair.
"Fantastic. Only five months to go," he sneers sarcastically.
"You should be happy to have a date. This means the war could be over in months rather than years," I return positively.
"True enough. So do you wanna talk?"
"About what?" I ask with a heavy sigh.
"Oh, I don't know, maybe about a certain gift," he means hinting.
"I don't want to talk about that." I stand up abruptly, walking back down the hall but he is quick on my heels to follow.
"Well, if not now than when."
"I don't know, tomorrow maybe," I say with a shrug, trying to dismiss him.
"Why not today?" he replies, reaching for my arm.
"Because it was stupid. I was stupid to buy it and your stupid to keep it." I wretch my arm from his grasp.
"What's with the hysterics today?" he asks with knitted brows.
Oh no; I could tell what was coming next. The hard lump to swallow while my lip starts to tremble. My eyes become blurry with tears and my body shakes with wailing sobs. I cover my face shamefully and I'm certain my face was turning red from crying. I feel awkward arms close in around me and I rest my head in his broad chest while tears stain his shirt. He rubs my back with uncertainty and I assume he never comforted crying women often. After awhile I am still in his arms and an eerie silence fills my flat. I pull away slightly and look at the chain I bought him while holding it in my hand. The emblem was a gold Star of David though it was very hard to acquire.
"If it's any consolation, I really like it," he mumbles with I shrug while I'm still in his embrace.
"Good to know I can do something right. Everyone liked my gift I bought them this year."
"You not gonna make me give it back, are you?" he asks disappointedly.
I chuckle while sniffling. "Nope, you can keep it. Why would you re-gift something?" I ask curiously.
"The Lieutenant wanted me to offer it back but to be honest I was probably gonna keep it even if you wanted to take it back."
"Then why did you even ask?" I ask with a small frown.
"Out of courtesy I suppose."
"Than your welcome," I say with a small smile. I back out of his grasp.
"Your welcome too." I knew he was talking about comforting me and I truly was grateful. We stand in awkward tension. He rubs the back of his neck while I stare down at my feet.
"Do you want something to eat?" I ask.
"Well, I'm not supposed to stay too late but I can always lie and say I got held up by a kraut."
"It's not totally a lie either," I grin jokingly and he laughs with me.
In just a mere few minutes of crying, I was already starting to feel like my own self again. I turn on tea and I notice Donny eyeing the chess board.
"A new gift?" he asks.
"Yes, I love it, too."
He nods. "I never learnt how to play," he admits.
"Want to start today?" I ask with a smile.
"Why the hell not."
I go and join him on the sofa. There was a new direction to the wind and I decided it was time to get a new opponent in black.
Now isn't Donny a sweetie comforting her like that? I feel like I made more progress in their relationship and the fluffy stuff will eventually come too, I promise. Dieter is not gone yet though and we will see him later again. I love all the reviews and alerts/favorites lists I've been acquiring lately. They are very considerate and I appreciate them!