10. TADASHI & YOU

You gripped the handles tightly, your hair flew back, and your eyes squinted through the wind.

There were no cars out, and the lights from houses were a blur to you as you sped by. Your eyes were watery, and you swore it was because the wind slashed against your wide opened eyes.

It felt like forever before you parked a few blocks up from Tadashi's house, and after you turned off your moped, you ran down the hill. You wiped your eyes while doing so, and you had forgotten to take off your helmet. You checked your phone, and noticed that he still hasn't replied yet.

With your heart beating and your palms sweaty, you found their emergency key and entered the house.

You seen Aunt Cass sleeping with the T.V still on, and silently placed your helmet on the counter before rushing past her and up the stairs.

And there was no one up there.

No Hiro, no Tadashi. Only unmade beds, disorganized desks, and moonlight through the window.

Weary of the constant thoughts in your head and quick heart, you dragged yourself over to Tadashi's bed, and slumped onto his bed. You took in the scent from the bed, and closed your eyes. It smelled just like him, a mixture of vanilla and sweets from the cafe. You inhaled one more time, and exhaled a long, shaky breath.

It felt like you had him with you, you on his chest like how you use to imagine.

Your hands clutched his blanket, and you became aware that this was the closest that you could get to him now. That single thought saddened you, and you blinked a few times in attempt to stop the tears.

Why were you always crying? Your mom had always taught you to not cry over men that do not care for you, after your dad left her and you for another woman, and never had you seen her shed a tear. But then again, she still had his pictures hung up on the wall by the stairs.

You laid there, exhaling out tremulous breaths.

"Tadashi. ." You cried, though not loud enough to wake up Aunt Cass. It hurt to say his name, and it hurt to think of him, but it hurt to not say it after a while and it hurt trying to push the thoughts of him away.

You weren't going to fall asleep on his bed despite how tired you were, because what if he came home during the time you were asleep? Would he wake you up and kick you out because it wasn't like that between you two anymore?

You scowled at yourself for even having the audacity to think that. Tadashi was a kind friend, and would give you tea and tuck you in if he seen you sleeping then, he wouldn't tell you that this wasn't your other home anymore.

It would always be home in your heart.

Your finger traced a random outline on the blanket, and eventually you couldn't find the strength to get up anymore.

Suddenly, the lights turned on, and your vision got even blurrier.

"[Y/N]?" You heard a voice call out from behind you, and you steadily move your eyes down to see Tadashi and Hiro standing by each other.

Hiro knew what was up right away, and scratched his head.

"I'm going to go get ready for bed, excuse me." He pushed Tadashi aside and skipped down the steps, without making too much noise so Aunt Cass wouldn't wake up.

Tadashi repeated your name again, and he threw his cap on Hiro's desk while making his way to you.

Oh, how you wanted to run away now. You regretted coming here, not even understanding why you really wanted to come in the first place. What were you going to tell Tadashi? Oh, Kaleb asked me out, that's all. Or maybe even, I'm trying to move on from you, I'm saying yes to Kaleb. There was no actual good reason for you to be there right then.

Your cheeks were rosy from the salty tears, and your eyes swollen due to the continual crying. You hid your face by pressing them against the blanket, actually hoping you would suffocate and somehow disappear right then and there.

Of course, it wasn't going to be like that though.

You felt Tadashi's firm, yet gentle grasp on your shoulder. He tugged his hand up a little, in hope that you would turn around and face him.

"What's wrong, [Y/N]?" He asked, continuing his tugs.

"Everything." You muffled, staying stiff.

After some time, he stopped and you felt the bed sink down a little by your side. He rubbed your back, and didn't say anything for a few moments. The two of you stayed like that, even when Tadashi hushed away Hiro, who left again instantly.

Hiro sat at the stair steps, not too far from you guys. He had his ears covered, knowing that hearing whatever was being said would hurt him greatly. You were like an older sister to him, someone he looked up to.

"I just saved Hiro, again. The three older guys were going to crush Hiro if I didn't come in time," he said, "I'm Super Hamada."

You turned your face to the other side of him, "Kaleb asked me out." You announced.

Tadashi's hand slowed and hesitantly started moving again.

"Are you going to say yes?" He questioned, some piece of him wanted you to say no.

"I don't know," you responded, already feeling yourself have a mental breakdown, "I want to, but I don't like him in that way."

The room was brightly lit, and the smell of vanilla and sweets only gotten stronger. You gulped and recalled that Honey Lemon was able to inhale his scent whenever she wanted to. This was the most of him that you had in a very long time.

"I think you should, he would make you happy."

You slowly sat up, and still didn't face him. Your pink cheeks were noticeable though, and Tadashi continued to to rub your back.

"I only want to be with the one I love," you begun to wail. "But I realize that love isn't always about giving and getting." You leaned against his shoulder and sighed. "Sometimes, it's about wanting the other person to be happy, even when you can't be. And what sucks even more about it, is that even after you let them live better with or without you, you still find ways to think that the person is the right one for you."

"I'm sorry, this is all my fault." Tadashi whispered, hand falling down from your back and onto the bed.

"It's not your fault," you crooned, you wanted to confess and tried to find the will to.

He was silent, and you felt his shoulders and chest rise with every heavy breath he took.

"Remember that picture, with your arms over my shoulders?" You asked. There were many times that happened, however it was captured on camera only one time.

Tadashi nodded his head, his cheek rubbing against the top of your head.

"And we had grins that were so wide, ear to ear and our stomach hurt from laughing too much before the photo?" You were still crying, but a small smile was on your face.

"Those were the days that we would've never seen this coming." Tadashi laughed weakly, and also felt his eyes water.

This.

The way he said it had both of your stomachs churning. It didn't sound nice, it didn't sound bad either, but the both of you knew nothing would be the same after this.

This.

That word echoed in your head, and it gave Tadashi a bitter taste in his mouth.

What was this anyways? What were they?

"Did you once love me?" Your voice was feeble, and you didn't know how to prepare yourself for the answer.

Tadashi looked at you, though you weren't looking at him.

"I loved you many times." He confessed, and then the tears slid down his face. "I loved you when we were in high school and some jock asked you out to the dance, and again for prom. I loved you when you folded a lot of page corners of one of my books, and kept on apologizing. [Y/N], I loved you every day and night."

And though the word love was past tense, you chuckled to yourself and looked up to the wall, wiping your eyes. That was what you always wanted to hear, maybe not like this, but that was enough for now.

"But now you love Honey Lemon." You emphasized the word now. "And I can't compete, I wouldn't even dare to." Your voice hitched up close to the end.

He didn't say anything, there was nothing left to say. You were right, he was utterly in love with her.

You were still wiping your eyes, because the tears just wouldn't stop.

"I always wondered what it would be like to be loved by you," you managed to say, dropping your hands and giving up, not caring that your cheeks burned and the taste of salt kept slipping into your mouth. "And I guess you did love me, I was just too selfish to realize it. They say that it's a good sign to have a broken heart, because it means that we've tried for something. However, we tried for nothing and that's what we are becoming."

Out of the blue, you remembered about the time your mom's breath smelled like vodka, and her lips were chapped while she told you to never cry over a man. You were young during the time, and now you understood that the only reason she always told you this was more to remind herself not to cry over him.

"Thank you for loving me, though timings were never right." Tadashi said in a hushed voice, reminiscing about the memories that the two of you shared through the years. They weren't always good, but they were never like this. His heart clenched, and he closed his eyes.

"Thank you for letting me love you," you got off the bed and felt the weight of the world on your shoulders, you felt so weak and small. "And thank you for loving me too, though timings were never right." You chocked, and walked away to grab your helmet and leave.

Tadashi sat there, arms by his side and his eyes couldn't look away from you no matter how much it hurt. You were his best friend, and you going and disappearing down the stairs felt like you were leaving his life too.

When he heard the door shut, Hiro went back up and came over to him.

He embraced Tadashi, not saying anything. How was Hiro going to comfort Tadashi? He had no experience in romantic love at all, and it even made him feel terrible watching you leave the door.

"She's going to drown herself in alcohol tonight, and it will all be my fault," his hands curled into a fist. "God, why is it like this?" He sobbed.

Tadashi was so vulnerable at the moment, and it was a pain to see him like this. Hiro also looked up to him, and winced when Tadashi slammed his fist on his own knee.

"I lost one of the most important people in my life."

"She's still here, you didn't lose anyone." Hiro told him, letting him go and sat crisscross on the floor in front of Tadashi.

Tadashi looked up from his hands and wiped his face with his jacket.

"You know that better than anyone. [Y/N] cares about you more than anyone else does, and stop blaming yourself. Unless you purposely hurt her, don't blame yourself." Hiro flashed his teeth, and Tadashi couldn't help but chuckle at the gap.

"I'm getting such wise advice from a fourteen year old." He joked, sniffling and taking off his jacket.

"You told me to use this big brain of mine," Hiro knocked on his own head. "And here I am doing that."

Tadashi had a smile, and rose up from the bed, he took off his pants and put on a pair of pajama bottom. Still too tired from what had just occurred, he goes straight to his bed and snuggled himself in. Hiro turned off the light and shyly stood on the other side of Tadashi's bed.

"Just come on the bed, it's fine. I need some support from a wise-head like you right now."

Hiro entered the bed, and shut his eyes.

Knowing that Tadashi was still wide awake, he whispered, "You have nerd school tomorrow, go to sleep." Even though they both knew that Tadashi wasn't going to school tomorrow because of tonight, the idea still comforted him and he soon went to sleep.

A/N: Want a more sweet Tadashi x Reader fanfic? Check out my other fanfic 'Bittersweet'! This story is also on Quotev!

Feedback, please!