I'm downstairs before Grandma the next morning of course. I don't know how late she and Sam stayed up talking. I eavesdropped a little after using the bathroom, but they were still talking about celebrity crushes. Sometimes when Tony's not around, I feel like this household is too female. I mean, I love all of them, but sometimes I wish I had another guy around to balance things out.

Well, maybe Mom and Tony will have a boy. God, I still can't get over the fact that she's pregnant, and I've had over a week to deal with it. In some ways, their news is as big as ours, maybe bigger. I'm happy for them, and it's not like it didn't cross my mind when I was a kid, but the older I got—and of course the older they got—the less likely it seemed.

I remember how simple things seemed nine years ago, when I fixed them up on a blind date. I was afraid that Tony would leave, like all the other housekeepers in this neighborhood. (The turnover rate is incredible, and not just because most of the neighbors aren't as nice as my mom.) I took Steven's advice and tried to get them to date and then they were supposed to fall in love and get married. Who knew it would take so damn long!

Sam, who at 13 seemed incredibly sophisticated to me, said that the difference between Mom and Tony and a married couple was S-E-X. So I asked them, "Then why don't you just have that and get it over with?" I was still young enough (and stupid enough) to ask things like that. And after Tony promised that no matter what happened, he and I would always be buddies, I guess I still wanted him to be with Mom, because I said, "But maybe someday you and Mom will change your mind and have sex anyway?"

And then I guess I thought they'd be married and maybe new parents by the time I was 11, 12 at the latest. And here I am pushing 20!

I'm worried about Mom's age. Well, Tony's, too, in that I've seen just in the past week how time- and energy-consuming babies can be. But I mean Mom is 45. That's really old to be giving birth. I guess it's safe or they wouldn't be doing this, since unlike Val, this baby is no accident. But it's still going to be hard for Mom.

Yeah, I feel guilty about the timing of telling them that Sam and I want to date, but how could I have known? And at least we didn't get seriously involved and then tell them. It could've happened that way, but it didn't. (Yes, we had sex last year, but we weren't involved exactly.)

Anyway, I have the feeling that dating is something that we need to back off from for awhile, maybe till after Mom has the baby. I was hoping to date Sam this summer, but that seems like rushing it now. Nine months, or I guess it's more like seven or eight, might be long enough for at least Mom to come around. And she has a way of making Tony accept Sam's boyfriends and dates (even Al!), so maybe even I will become acceptable in time.

I notice that Grandma loaded the dishwasher but didn't run it. I eat breakfast (I learned to feed myself simple meals during my Tony-less summer last year), and then add those dishes to the washer. I get it going and then work on my résumé till it's time to empty the washer and put everything away. Why ruin Mom's birthday weekend by having her and Tony face a bunch of dirty dishes when they return?

Then I go back in the living room and watch TV for awhile. It's close to noon when Grandma comes downstairs for brunch. She brings her food into the living room to keep me company.

"How was your slumber party?"

"Good. Sorry if we drove you away."

I shrug. "It's OK. I am glad you get along with Sam so well. It helps to have you on our side."

She sighs. "It's not a matter of sides, Jonathan. I can see how you and Sam feel about each other, but I can also understand why your parents see it the way they do."

"Yeah." But it's not like Sam and I can't understand how they feel, while I don't know if they really understand us.

"It was different with Tony and Angela. When they weren't together and should've been, and it went on like that for years, well, there was only one right side, and the three of us were on it. You, me, and Sam."

I nod. "Sometimes it felt like we were the only ones who were."

"What about Wendy Wittener?"

"I don't know. I always got the feeling that Mrs. Wittener saw Tony as a sex object."

Grandma laughs. "And what's wrong with that?"

"No, I mean, Mom saw him as a person. A handsome person but also her best friend. There are so many women in this neighborhood who have lusted after Tony, like Mrs. Wilmington."

"I didn't know you'd noticed that."

"Well, I was young and stupid and innocent, but I wasn't blind."

"No, you weren't."

"Anyway, everyone thought it was a joke that Mom could want to date her housekeeper. Some saw it as an absurd joke, and some saw it as a dirty joke."

"Did the kids at school tease you about it?" she asks, unusually sensitively.

I nod. "Yeah, and not just when he first ran for President of the Parents' Association."

"Why didn't you say something?"

"Well, it wasn't all the time. And what was I supposed to say to you guys? 'Actually, Grandma's not the only one they call a bimbo'?"

"Poor Angela! And they were only kissing occasionally then. And poor you."

"Yeah. I got in some fights about it."
"And all this time I thought it was because you were a wimp that people liked to beat up."

"Well, I didn't say I won these fights."

She gives me a quick hug. "I'm sorry, Dear."

"Thanks."

"Does Sam know about this?"

"She beat up some of the guys who beat me up. And all the girls."

Grandma does her best not to laugh. "She was quite the big sister."

"Yeah. Anyway, we talked about it a little, years ago, when I didn't understand the insults. She said some girls were catty about it, but it was different for her."

"In what way?"

"Well, you know, her dad was a stud, while my mom was a sl—bimbo."

"Yes."

"Grandma, if Sam and I do date, are people going to be meaner to her than me?"

"Yes, probably. She's the woman, and she's older, divorced, and the mother of a baby of course. You'll be the innocent young virgin she seduced."

I shake my head. "It wasn't like that. I wanted her just as much as she wanted me, maybe more. And this isn't just about sex."

"I know. But you know how people are."

"Yeah. Like when I told Steven about sleeping with Susan."

"Aha!"

I blush a little. "Let me finish. He doesn't know about Sam of course, but he'd probably think it was weird but hot. With Susan, he didn't care about hearing anything but how the sex was."

"How was it?"

"Grandma!"

"Sorry, I guess I should've asked you last night."

"I'm not telling any details, but I will say that everything, even Frisbee, was better with Sam."

"I see. Of course, you haven't played much 'Frisbee' yet."

I roll my eyes. Now I'm stuck with this stupid metaphor. "Well, right now, Sam is the only one I want to play Frisbee with."

"Do you want me to watch the baby while you two go to the park?"

That's tempting, even if it was actually Frisbee, but I'm still not clear if Tony is comfortable with me and Sam hanging out doing "buddy" things. After all, the man married his best friend, so playing the "we're just friends" card might not work with him.

Before I can decide on a reply, Tony and Mom come in the front door, wearing the clothes they left in last night. Obviously, they didn't pack for the hotel, although I guess they could've come back after dinner and before checking in. But they probably figured we'd all tease them, like we used to before they were actually a couple.

After we all say hello, but before Grandma can ask how the hotel was, Tony asks, "Where's Sam?"

"At her apartment. Where else would she be?" Grandma asks innocently, like she didn't stuff Sam full of hot fudge sundae and keep her up half the night talking about David Cassidy and whoever.

Tony shakes his head and goes over to the phone to make a call. "Sam, can you come over here now? Yes, bring Val if you want. No, I'm not gonna yell." He hangs up and shakes his head. "I think I've been controlling my temper pretty well for the past week, considering I'm Italian."

"Yes, I'm very impressed," Grandma says.

"Um, how was the hotel? I mean, as a hotel."

"Very nice," Mom says.

"Mints on the pillow and everything?" The only times I've stayed in hotels have been on family trips and Spring Break with Susan and our friends. (Yeah, we had friends in common. They all took her side in the break-up. I'm not looking forward to facing them again in the Fall, although at least they don't know about Sam yet.)

Mom smiles. "Yes."

"Good amenities?" Grandma teases.

Mom shoots her a warning look.

"So, um, Tony, why do you want to talk to Sam?" I figure I may as well know. God, I hope it's not something awful, like the desk clerk recognized the name "Micelli" because Sam went there with Hank or somebody. She told me that Hank was her first for sex, but that doesn't mean she might not have gone there to make out with someone. Or how do I know she's been "faithful" to me? After all, I dated someone else, why shouldn't she?

I tell myself I'm being crazy. A woman with a baby doesn't have a secret fling, at least not easily, especially in this family. And I have no reason to think she'd have a secret fling with anybody but me.

Tony doesn't answer and instead paces. But, after some hesitation, Mom does. "Sweetheart, we want to talk to you and Sam about your relationship."

"You're not going to put us in therapy again, are you?"

Tony snorts. "We didn't know how good we had it then."

Sam and I fought a lot when she was a junior and I was a freshman. (It was that point when I'd skipped a grade and she hadn't yet.) Not that we hadn't fought before, and not that we didn't after, but that was the year it was the worst. Some of it was like the therapist said, standard sibling rivalry, even if we weren't "siblings" yet. But also, I was 13 and first dealing with my physical attraction to Sam, and I couldn't tell anyone about it.

Maybe if I'd had private counseling, rather than family therapy, I'd have talked about it, but I hadn't had private sessions since before Tony showed up. Apparently, according to Grandma years later, I needed a male role model with Dad gone so much. Mom was thinking about getting a divorce by that point but hadn't actually filed. She was worried that a divorce might psychologically damage me, but she also knew that her marriage to Dad was unhealthy. I (and Sam told me once that this was Freudian) started collecting reptiles and insects. Yeah, Dad would bring me some back from his trips, but I'd try to get some on my own, too. Anyway, Grandma thought a macho but sensitive Italian would be a better influence than bees, lizards, or my own father. And he was, is.

"No, Darling, we're not. It's not something that I think can be cured." I notice that she said "I." However, I don't like the use of the word "cured."

Still, I take hope from this but then feel guilty. What if Sam and I ruined Mom's birthday by causing her and Tony to fight about us? Well, I guess I'll find out soon enough.

Sam and Val show up soon after that. We all sit in the living room. It feels like a living-room talk, as opposed to a kitchen talk. I can't really explain the difference easily, except that living-room talks tend to be more formal.

Sam and Val take the chair closest to the kitchen, I guess in case they need to make an escape. I envy Sam not living quite under our parents' roof. On the other hand though, I could drive back to Massachusetts if I really had to.

I take the chair opposite Sam. I figure we should sit as far apart as possible. Grandma again places herself in the middle of the couch, perhaps to show neutrality, but I think so she won't miss anything. This time, Tony sits closer to me, so that the women are all in a row, in descending order of age.

"Dad, if you've called me over here to again forbid me to date Jonathan, you could've done that over the phone."

"Actually, Sam, I wanted to give you my permission, but if you're going to get snippy with me—"

I stare at him. "You're going to let me date Sam?"

"Well, as I recall, I gave you permission to marry her when you were 13, but luckily you didn't take me up on that."

"WHAT?" Sam cries, while Mom looks amused and Grandma startled.

I laugh. "Oh, right, when I thought you were judging me for playing the accordion." I look at Sam. "His friend Bobby Governale thought Tony was one of 'the accordion bigots' who didn't want 'our kind' living next door or marrying their daughters. So then Tony told me, 'Hey, you wanna propose to Sam? You got my blessing.' "

Grandma cackles. "Well, that's really come back to bite you in the butt, hasn't it, Tony?"

"Thank you, Mona."

"Look, Jonathan and I are a long way from getting married. I don't want to get married again for a very long time, to anyone."

"We know that, Sam," Mom says. "And even if Jonathan is of age, I would not want my child getting married at 19, to anyone."

"Unlike your stepchild?"

"I wasn't thrilled about it when you did it."

"I should've listened to you when you told me to get my teenage butt home from New Mexico."
"Wait, Sam," Tony says, "now you're saying that if I'd been stricter with you about Matt, then Hank wouldn't have happened?"

"I don't know, Dad. I guess I see things differently now that I'm a parent. I'll probably be protective with Val, just like you were with me. Of course, she'll probably be rebellious like me, but maybe she'll be more sensible. I mean, two generations of eloping before age 20 are probably enough, right?"

Grandma laughs again. "Oh, God, Val could be married by the year 2015!"

"Angela!" Tony pleads.

"Tony, it's OK," she says around Grandma, who takes the hint and trades places on the couch so that Mom can sit next to Tony and hold his hand.

"Angela, now Sam is saying I should've been stricter, so maybe we shouldn't let them—"

"Tony, we agreed."

He sighs. "OK." He looks at Sam and then at me, while Mom squeezes his hand. "I still have my objections, but you two are adults and it would be legal for you to be involved. So if you want to date, then go ahead and date."

"But, Tony, we're not going to if you feel—"

"Hey, I don't want to be the bad guy here! I love both of you and I want you to be happy. If you think you can be happy together, I'm not going to stand in your way."

"Thank you, Dad," Sam says softly, and then cuddles Val closer.

"Yeah, thank you, Tony. And I will be good to her, I promise."

"Hey, that's the one thing I don't worry about."

"Angela, I will be kind to Jonathan."

"Does that mean you'll stop calling him 'dweeb' and 'geek'?"

"I like when she calls me those names."

"Yeah, they're like pet names, right, Snake-boy?"

I blush, since that one has a special Freudian meaning between us. But I say, "Right, Colonel Porker."

"You really shouldn't make fun of her weight gain, Jonathan."

"Sorry, Mom." But it now occurs to me that "pork" has suggestive connotations, too, so I blush again.

"Angela," Tony pleads again. "This is weird in ways I couldn't have predicted."

"I know, Sweetie, but it's going to be all right, I promise."

"Well, if you say so, Baby."

Grandma grins. "That must've been one hell of a night at the Fairfield Inn."

"Shut up, Mother," Mom mutters, and now she's blushing.

Sam and I look at each other and smile as if we're pleasantly surprised and nervous as hell. And my niece? She cries.