Jaz paused, tilting her head upwards to absorb the sunlight. She stood still for second, basking in the fresh morning air and letting the warm rays hit her squarely on her face. After a long moment she set back off across the base towards the team's home quarters.

As she walked she slowly rotated her shoulder in gentle circles, trying to work out some of the discomfort and stiffness left by the physio's careful manipulations. It was just a dull pain, nothing she couldn't ignore. Hell she would have been content to ignore the whole thing all together in the first place. That was the reason she'd sworn Amir to secrecy, and for once been glad about his ability to hide information behind a stone face.

It hadn't mattered though. McG had eyes like a hawk and right after he'd finished fussing over Amir, his scrutiny had quickly turned to her. He'd demanded to know what was causing her "more sour than normal face" and refused to leave her in peacce until she finally gave in. After much arguing he'd eventually agreed not to take her out of rotation if she followed up with the base physio.

Then, evidently not trusting her to follow through on his recommendations, he had booked the appointments himself and walked her to her first one like a small child on the first day of school.

Apparently she was deemed trustworthy enough to make it home on her own though because when she exited she didn't find a chaperone waiting. She took advantage of the rare solitude, choosing the long route around the perimeter to get the best views of the ocean in the distance. Left alone with her thoughts they drifted as she meandered slowly across the base. Her mind kept trying and failing to make sense of the last few days and all the crazy happenings. She like things neat and orderly and to conform to her expectations. But going through all the mission chaos with Amir had not been what she expected at all.

He had not been what she had expected.

They weren't best friends by any means but there was something there now. Stark and new and glaringly obvious after so many months stalled out at ground zero.

She didn't know exactly when it had happened. Maybe being internationally wanted fugitives together automatically led to some level of baseline camaraderie. Or maybe it was the little pieces of common ground they'd found amidst the arguments, sarcastic digs and bold confessions that fostered some hard won respect. All she knew was that at some point her perception of him had shifted. She didn't know how to quantify it, or label it, or even what it meant going forward after their solo adventure was over, but she knew it was different.

Still, It had been a welcome sight to finally see Dalton waiting for them, lazing against the small plane in the middle of spanish nowhere. He had looked completely at ease, the thorough once over he gave them as they approached the only outward sign of any stress they had caused. Apparently satisfied with their general health, or maybe just the fact they hadn't killed each other, he greeted them with a familiar smirk and a loaded "what took you so long?"

The way he studied the pair of them had Jaz suspecting the freakishly perceptive man wasn't just talking about their arrival at the LZ.

The entire mission, from start to finish, to restarting and going off the rails, to finally arriving home, had been a little over 38 hours. Yet it felt to her like weeks since they received the call on Amir's CIA activation line and had abandoned their breakfasts to catch a flight. As they drove back towards the base both Jaz and Amir were quiet, busy processing all that had happened in all those hours. Dalton was never one to pry or to insist on idle chatter and had left them too it, resulting in a very silent car ride back from the air field.

As they neared the base Jaz had felt an unusual sense of unease. Normally she couldn't wait to get back to the hut they called home. Happy to hit the showers, grabs some junk food and enjoy the post mission downtime with the guys. But as they had approached she felt more and more uncertain about how things would be back at base now. How they should be. She wasn't sure whatever it was they had created over the last couple days actually could survive back in the real world.

There was awkward silence as they parked the car and she paused before she opened the door, feeling like she should say something. Amir hesitated too and she realized she wasn't alone in her apprehension.

"Jazzie!"

The awkward moment was interrupted by McG's shouts as he and Preach exited the bunker and came out to greet their wayward teammates.

Amir gave her an understanding smile as she turned to look out the window, distracted by her least favorite nickname being yelled at the top of McG's lungs. She'd exited the car so that the medic could get the full effect of her glare as she flipped him the bird. When she'd turned back around Amir had been gone, slipping away unseen leaving her alone to be engulfed by the team celebrating their return.

Goofing around with her guys as they headed into the hut, made it all too easy to imagine just returning to the regular status quo. She was pretty sure that was what Amir figured would happen, she kept seeing his last smile, tinged with sadness and regret.

She knew what he expected to come from this and she was determined to prove him wrong.

It wasn't anything big.

It wasn't fast, or overnight, or even a straight forward journey.

But over the next couple days and months she made little gestures and there were small little moments that turned the tide and paved the way for something to grow.

It was there when she dragged her carcass out of bed way earlier than she normally would have so that she could help him make one of his fancy breakfasts. She wasn't much for cooking but she had enjoyed kneading the bread. Perhaps maybe a little too much because Amir had reminded her several times that the dough wasn't an enemy assailant she was trying to kill. She begged to differ and thought the bread tasted just fine even when he blamed her for it coming out too flat.

It was there again later in the triumphant look Amir threw her when McG complimented him on how well he'd reduced her shoulder. Instead of ignoring him she'd rolled her eyes good naturedly and played along, taking the opportunity to rib him about his complete lack of bedside manner.

It was there when she actually initiated a civil conversation with him for the first time ever. That is, if you didn't count picking fights or starting arguments as conversing. She found an interesting article about an emergency canister of air that scuba divers used as a failsafe for their main tank. It was about the size of a small water bottle and they'd joked about the possibility of adding it to their standard equipment to avoid future shoe usage. Amir even promised to buy her one for Christmas if the quartermaster didn't come through for them.

It was different enough that the other guys had all noticed. Their looks of surprise weren't exactly well hidden. Preach had even asked her about it and subtly commented on her personal growth in a kind way that only he could pull off with without getting smacked. Although his fatherly vibe only got him so far, and it didn't stop her from trying to tip him off his chair when she learned about his series of bets with McG surrounding her and Amir's adventures.

It was there on the way back from physio when she stopped to grab a few groceries and a few extra items jumped off the shelf into her basket. Back at the hut she'd thrown a package of odor eaters at Amir with perfect aim, sending the pile of reports he was working on scattering across the table. Top had dumped all the after mission paperwork on Amir to do. Jaz wasn't sure whether it was a punishment for going so far off book at the bridge or just a genius ploy to make him take it easy. Knowing Top, probably both. Regardless, the entire team got a good laugh at Amir's expense when they realized what had landed in front of him. McG was cackling the loudest right up until he realized 3 packs were whizzing through the air in his direction. It was only fair, his feet smelled even worse without your face going anywhere near them.

It continued on into their next few missions too. Present in the easy banter as they mounted horses in the wilderness of Mongolia, or tried to anyways in Amir's case. And in the reassuring nod he gave her when they were crouched in the tall grass and she was brimming with anxiety for Top listening to the shots chase him closer and closer.

It was there in his calm steady arm that braced her when the adrenaline shot faded and her legs buckled under her. The fruit truck had still been a ways away and McG had wanted to carry her, but Amir had simply taken a bit more of her weight to help her along instead. He understood her desire to leave Iran on her own terms.

Back at base there had been some overly flat bread the next morning that she suspected he had made that way on purpose to make her laugh. There were also well timed invitations to go for walks out in the beautiful, colourful, sunny days that always seemed to come right when she needed them the most. Fresh air and comfortable companionship had gone a long way to ease the burdens she'd been carrying even if she would never admit it.

It was there in the sympathetic glance he shot her when Top grounded her from their next mission. And then in his simple honest words welcoming her back with a celebratory fist bump at McG's expense. Something she'd never have imagined doing with him that had somehow become one of their things.

It was there when her and Top watched Amir sneak into Varina's house in Turkey and marveled at Amir's chameleon like ability to blend in to any situation. She'd agreed without hesitation and Top's raised eyebrow and satisfied smile made her feel a little like she'd passed a test she didn't know she was taking.

It was there in his calm conviction that sustained her when she lost her faith. When things seemed too bleak because Top had gone dark, and Preach was in a coma, and she'd had to devastate his wife with the news, and Hoffman apparently still had a gun. But he'd reminded her to have faith in her teammates and so she had. He had been right.

It was even there on their much needed leave. She had felt more worn down than normal after this one, after Elijah, after Iran, after Hoffman. Normal life just hadn't seemed to fit right, uncomfortable and clingy like a shrunken shirt ruined in the wash. But she had one more teammate in her corner this time. Amidst the usual texts and calls from Top, McG and Preach there had also been some from Amir. He sent her recipes occasionally and it had taken a few weeks for her to realize they all came from a cooking for dummies site. She had retaliated with unsolicited dating tips and Cosmo articles for the relationship he tried to deny was happening with Hannah.

It was even a welcome surprise when he showed up a few days after her birthday with tickets to go bungee jumping. She'd worn her pink helmet just for Elijah and then she'd made sure to push Amir off the ledge when he wasn't expecting it. He was strapped in of course... but it was still satisfying payback for their Parisian plunge.

It wasn't until almost a year after that mission that she really understood how far they had come. How much she now counted him as one of her guys. It was there when he realized what she hadn't figured out yet, that there was someone she just couldn't live without... and when he did the impossible to bring him back to her.

It was a stupidly simple mission in Northern Africa that should have gone off without a hitch. The team was all set up surveying the target when they'd received emergency orders to evacuate. By the time the DIA received the Intel it was practically too late. Their warning only gave the team mere minutes to move as religious extremists swarmed the nearby border and systematically took over the city

Clearing street by street the team attempted to fall back to a secondary location outside the city, trying to get out before their position was compromised. They had almost made it to the outskirts when all hell broke loose. Suddenly they were overrun from multiple directions. Shots fired, pinned down, insurgents coming from all sides... really just another Tuesday for their team. She hadn't even broken a sweat yet. A small part of her actually enjoyed the moments like this when a mission got a bit more exciting.

Then everything changed in an instant.

She could still see Adam's face when the bullet struck him.

He was crouched at the top of an alcove across the street and a few buildings down. Just finished scouting their next move, he was turning towards them hands busy signalling his plan for their next move.

He had looked surprised, almost annoyed. But then had crumpled instantly, disappearing down into the sunken-in stairwell behind him.

It was a headshot.

She called out his name but it didn't come out quite right. Everything was distorted, like she was watching a badly streamed movie with massive audio lag. She knew bullets were still firing but she couldn't hear them hitting around her. Her teammates were yelling at her but their voices were just a dull vibration she didn't bother to make sense of.

All she could process was the spray of blood on the wall behind where he had stood. She couldn't take her eyes off the bright red splash, starkly contrasted against the sandy beige wall.

That had come from his head.

He wasn't supposed to go down like that.

She wasn't naive enough to think that any of them couldn't die on any given day. But the way he lived she'd always expected his death to be something more. Certain that if he was going to go out it would be in some blaze of glory, saving hundreds of people or defusing a bomb. Something self sacrificing and worthwhile, not a random bullet that probably hadn't even been aimed at him. She felt almost cheated by the way it happened.

It couldn't be real.

So she just kept standing there. Frozen in place staring at the spot she'd last seen him. Waiting for him to jump back up any second as if it had just been a mistake or a joke. It was Top. He always bounced back up again.

When he didn't, her feet seemed to move of their own accord, determined to go to his aid. A strong grip on her arm held her back, Preach's hold the only thing keeping her from ignoring all her training and breaking cover. Her muddled brain couldn't understand why he thought that was a bad idea to go out there even as more bullets ricocheted near them pinging off surfaces in all directions. She could make it across to him. She was quick.

His insistent pull in the other direction left her no option, finally forcing her to tear her eyes away from that messy red stain on the wall. After that they didn't focus on anything else for a while, letting the buildings and streets blur by as she moved on autopilot. All she knew was that they were going in the opposite direction of their fallen leader. She didn't really care where they were going or what the others were saying. She just cared that it wasn't towards him.

It was some time before she finally managed to form a word.

"No."

The team turned to look at her from across the room, perhaps surprised that she was finally joining the conversation after refusing to acknowledge anyone for the better part of the last half hour. Practically catatonic, they'd steered her to an abandoned house and had set up communications with command without the slightest participation from her. But it was their current conversation with the DIA about exfil options that finally forced her out of her stupor.

"No,"she repeated, "He's not dead. We can't just leave him."

"Jaz… it was a headshot". McG said gently. Trying to rationalize with her.

She knew that damn it. Her mind had replayed it over and over in slow motion incessantly. The impact point, the spray of blood, the look in his eyes, the way his body had gone limp.

"He's not dead." She repeated, long past caring if she sounded like a petulant child.

She ignored the pitying looks, gritting her teeth and forcing out her argument.

"Even if he was... we still need to bring him home. He wouldn't leave any of us behind, dead or alive. Me being here is proof of that." She held each of her teammates gaze, daring them to disagree with the fact that they had been willing to break protocol for her.

Patricia's voice quickly quashed any sort of momentum she was gaining. "Negative, that area of the city has been overrun by rebels, I can't allow you to risk your lives on a recovery mission... And he wouldn't want you to. We will retrieve Captain Dalton's body at a later time"

The director's voice wavered slightly. Using his official title hadn't made it any less personal or any easier to say, and it certainly didn't erase all the history that the two of them shared.

But after the briefest of pauses she continued on firmly, giving them direct, orders "You will exfil as planned, CPO Carter will see to that."

Jax looked desperately at Preach, but the despair and resignation in his eyes told her the answer before he even spoke. "She's right Jaz, Top would never accept us going back in with the way the board is stacked. Bringing his body back, it won't change anything and it's not worth more lives."

The harsh truth caused a small sob of frustration to escape. Normally she would have been mortified but she couldn't bring herself to care at this point. She paced to the window in agitation trying to get her emotions under control.

They had to think she was insane. There was no logical way to explain what she was feeling. The certainty down deep in her gut that they should be planning a rescue mission not a retreat. Maybe she was just living in denial because she hadn't seen the body yet. With Elijah, the irrefutable proof had literally fallen into her arms. It had been clear, final. Time to grieve and move on. It felt different this time.

Amir came and stood beside her, joining her in staring out the window. She wasn't sure what they were searching for. Hope maybe?

She shook her head, "He's not gone."

"Jaz…"

"I'd know, ok. She cut him off, turning to face him. Desperate for someone to understand what she was trying to say

"I'd know if he was gone. I knew with... I knew last time. I get this sounds crazy, but what if he's still alive. We need to at least try. if there's any chance, we can't just go."

She stopped, trying furiously to blink back the tears she didn't have time for right now. She could feel him studying her, his face tired and sober in the dim street lighting that peeked through the window. She didn't know what he was looking for but he seemed to find it and after a long second, he gave her a short nod.

"Ok."

It was so soft she barely heard him.

"Ok?' She repeated, confused. He ignored her, already walking back to the table with a new purpose in his step. He studied the map for a minute, pursing his lips and muttering to himself, then he straightened up and turned to address the DIA on the laptop.

"What if we could change the board"

He said it quietly, casually, but it carried like a shout in the silent room. Everyone in the room and at command center stilled, unsure what he was proposing.

Dalton's absence was painfully obvious right now. He would be there with a hint of pride in his eyes, encouraging their quietest teammate to share his ideas.

Without that prompting, Amir took his time, pensively regarding the map splayed in front of him one more time to be sure before he finally continued "The cell has likely concentrated their men here, here… and here. If they are smart they have roving security in this area and probably there as well." He gestured calmly to different areas of the map, words quickening as he gained momentum.

"If we could convince them to redirect their focus to this perimeter area here, it would leave us a clear corridor to send a small recovery team in undetected."

"That's all well and good Amir, but how would we convince them to do that." Patricia's voice was skeptical.

"Well I thought we would ask politely" he said dryly.

Lifting his head from the map he ignored McG who was smirking at his unusual glibeness. He looked past Preach's one raised eyebrow that betrayed his otherwise carefully neutral face. His dark eyes locked on Jaz and he gave her a soft, rueful smile "Actually, I thought maybe Hamid Khedani would ask them a little less politely."

Don't shoot the writer... even though I shot Dalton. Couldn't resist a chance to get some Dalton whump in. This was supposed to be the quick wrap up chapter to finish but this whole follow up mission kind of took on a life of its own and became almost a full fledged story that needed to be done justice. So one more chapter to come. Should be up shortly.