Chapter 10:
"What?" It was Kane coming over. "What is she doing here?" He asked.
"She's here for me." Clarke said. "I told you I wasn't staying. She wasn't supposed to be here this soon."
"She can't come in here, Clarke." Abby told her.
"I'm not making her sleep in the woods, mom."
"She's not permitted inside this camp. It was bad enough you made us take them in." It was one of the guards at the entrance. Clarke didn't know his name.
"Then, I'll stay out there." She started walking back toward her bunk. "I'll grab my stuff and I'll come back to check on Raven in the morning."
"Clarke…"
"What? Mom? You won't let her in. What am I supposed to do?"
"Leave her." Kane suggested. "She left us."
Clarke glared at him.
"She made a decision and has to live with it and trust me, she is. Just like I'm living with mine."
She walked back inside her bunk and started packing her things.
"Clarke, it's not their fault." Bellamy told her, standing in the doorway.
"I know they're mad. I was mad. Sometimes, I still am, but I have to move on, Bell." She looked up from her stuff. "And so do they."
"They need time too."
"They can have it. I can't just not go out there, Bellamy. She knows she's not welcome here. I'll just stay with her tonight, check on Raven tomorrow and-"
"And then what?"
"I don't know." She replied honestly.
"Do you remember that story our parents used to tell us?" He sat on the bed.
"Which one?"
"I think it was one of your dad's favorites. I remember him reading it in the library to a group of us." The library was a small room, which held some books and also only about 6 people at a time. "It was Shakespeare. Romeo & Juliet."
"Yeah, I remember?"
"Which one are you, Clarke?" Bellamy asked and gave her a smile.
"Does it matter?" She asked, zipped her pack and tossed it over a shoulder. "They both died." She smiled back at him momentarily. "Bell, I love her." She stopped in the doorway.
"I know. They loved each other too though." He stood and followed her out. "Just be careful, Clarke. That's all I'm saying. Things are tense right now and you two getting together isn't going to help anything."
"It helps me." She told him and started walking toward the entrance of the camp.
"Clarke, just stay." Abby almost begged.
"I'll be back tomorrow, mom."
"No, just stay. Kane?" She looked at Kane.
"Just her. No one else. The rest of her group stays outside the fence including the four you brought with you." He was angry. Clarke could tell this really wasn't his decision.
"Will she be safe?" Clarke asked.
"She needs to be with you at all times. If she's alone-"
"She won't be." Clarke completed.
"She should be gone tomorrow, Clarke." He continued. "As soon as possible."
"I'll talk to her." Clarke told him. She looked at her mom. "I still need to get her. She won't come in here without me."
"Just leave your stuff so I know you're coming back." Her mom replied with a hint of desperation. Clarke dropped the pack on the ground and walked off with the grounders.
"Lexa, what are you doing here?" Clarke asked as soon as she was within earshot.
"I told you I would come for you." Lexa replied and walked toward her.
"It hasn't been 10 days yet."
"I couldn't wait."
"You can stay the night, but we have to leave in the morning." Clarke told her.
"I'll have a tent setup."
"No, they'll let you stay with me."
"In the camp?" Lexa asked, unsure.
"Just for the night." Clarke told her. "It's safe." She assured.
"How is your mother?"
"She's fine. It's a long story. I'll tell you on the walk back to camp."
She turned to walk.
"Clarke, I am not welcome there."
"You are tonight. Just come on." Clarke pulled her hand until Lexa caught up to her.
A few minutes later, they approached the entrance of the camp cautiously. Most people were already in their rooms for the night. Kane, Abby and a few guards stood waiting.
"Commander." Kane greeted with what respect he could muster.
Lexa nodded.
"The guards have to remain outside." Clarke told her.
Lexa gave the order and the guards stood back while the two girls walked into the camp.
"It's just for the night." Kane reiterated.
"We understand." Clarke told them. Lexa appeared to have gone mute. "We'll just stay in my room."
"I took your stuff back there." Abby told her. "I guess I got some persuasive tactics from your father after all."
"Thank you." Clarke pulled Lexa along, lacing their fingers together. Abby followed.
"Clarke?" Her mom questioned. Clarke turned around.
"Yes?"
"Why are you holding her hand?" Abby asked staring down at their intertwined digits.
Clarke looked at Lexa and then back to her mother.
"I think you know, mom." She turned back and continued walking. Abby stopped following. She realized maybe she'd said that wrong. She turned back around causing her to pull her hand away from Lexa who stood there looking around, checking for people who might be trying to kill her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."
Abby nodded, but Clarke could tell she was still trying to piece it all together. Clarke nodded in her direction and walked toward her bunk with Lexa at her side.
"I'm surprised they let me in." Lexa said when they'd finally made to privacy. She looked at the small bed with Clarke's pack on it. "Why are your things packed? You've been here for several days."
"Because I was going to stay with you out there tonight if they didn't let you stay here." Clarke confessed. She moved her pack to the floor and motioned for Lexa to sit next to her. "Why'd you really come early?" She asked her.
"I told you."
"Lexa…"
"I was worried you wouldn't return."
"I told you I would."
"I know." She looked over at her. "I trust you, Clarke, but I do not trust them."
"You're safe here." Clarke put her hand on Lexa's face and drew her into her.
"That's not what I meant." Lexa moved so Clarke had to move back on the bed. Lexa ended up lying beside her, caressing her cheek and moving her hand down the side of her body. "I was worried for your mother, but I was also afraid they might convince you to stay."
"They tried."
"I was worried they'd succeed."
"You shouldn't have. I meant what I said. I was going back to the capital." She stared into Lexa's blue eyes through the black paint. "Let's get this off of you." Clarke moved to the small basin in the corner of the room and dampened a cloth. Lexa didn't sit up. Instead she rolled so she was lying on her back. Clarke straddled her and gently wiped the paint off of Lexa's face.
"Will you be returning with me tomorrow?" Lexa asked her.
"I need to make sure Raven is okay. She's really bad, Lex."
Lexa smiled.
"I missed you calling me that."
Clarke smiled.
"If my mom says Raven is okay, I'll go with you. If not, I need to stay until she wakes up." Clarke paused both her speech and her movements. "She was on the table in Mount Weather. She didn't respond to treatment."
"I understand." Lexa told her running her hand up and down Clarke's arm. "If it were Indra, I would remain." She took the cloth and finished wiping her make up off and handed it back to Clarke who tossed it on the floor near the door. "I will remain in the woods with my men. We can return to the capital together once you know your friend is okay."
"You don't have too."
"You forget, Clarke. I owe Raven a debt as well." Lexa said and Clarke looked confused. "It was her work that disabled the power. That was the leverage I needed to free my people." Clarke understood. She lowered her head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought that up."
"I understand why you had to do it, but don't say that outside of this room, okay?"
Lexa nodded in understanding and then started pulling at the hem of Clarke's shirt. She lifted it up. Clarke allowed her to remove it. Her bra was tossed to the floor while Lexa sat up and prepared herself for bed as she always did by taking off all of her clothes. Clarke did the same thinking it was only fair. They both stood momentarily to pull the thin blanket down and then they got in under it. Clarke climbed on top of her immediately.
"Clarke, remember when I told you love was weakness?" Lexa asked her before Clarke could lean down to kiss her.
"Of course."
"It is strength too. I see that now." Her arms went around Clarke's neck. "But it is weakness."
"Lexa…"
"We must maintain the balance between the two."
"What do you mean?"
"You and I together, we can do great things. We can lead our people: your people and my people. I believe that."
"Okay?"
"But my love for you drew me here. My focus was on you and my hope for your fast return. It lessened my ability to lead, Clarke."
Clarke looked down at her concerned.
"What do you want, Lexa?"
"Balance." She ran her hands through the back of her hair. "I need you, Clarke."
"I need you too." She leaned down to kiss her. Lexa placed a hand over her mouth.
"I've never felt this way. It is new to me."
Clarke leaned back to straddle her.
"Costia?" She asked in a hushed tone. Lexa shook her head from side to side to indicate it was not the same. Clarke was surprised. She wasn't sure what to think.
"I've never needed someone like this. So completely." She brushed her fingertips up and down between Clarke's breasts.
Clarke leaned back down and was finally granted her kiss. When it broke apart naturally, she moved to kiss Lexa's neck.
"I missed you." Clarke whispered in to her ear. "I missed you." She repeated.
When they woke, Lexa was in Clarke's arms. The blanket was more on the floor than on the bed. Clarke could tell it was long past dawn because the music that now played at breakfast was already playing on the loudspeaker. Lexa moved around a little, but Clarke held her close wondering if the girl was experiencing a nightmare or if she was just stirring and about to wake up. She couldn't move or she'd wake her, so she just lay there playing with her hair and listening to her breath. Where can they go where they can just be the two of them together and not Lexa, Commander of the Tree People and Coalition of the 12 Clans and Clarke reluctant leader of the Sky People? Were they destined to be torn apart or could they somehow find a way to make it work?
"You should have woken me." Lexa shifted.
"Why? I like you like this." Clarke shared.
"What? Quiet?" Lexa lifted her head to look at her.
"Peaceful." Clarke told her and reached for her chin to pull her in for a kiss.
"I don't believe I've ever been described as peaceful."
Clarke laughed. Lexa listened to it for a moment before climbing on top of her and starting another kiss.
"I should go check on Raven." Clarke said between kisses, but still completely complying with Lexa's lips.
"They will summon you if there are changes to her condition." Lexa guessed.
"Yeah, but-" Lexa stopped her with a hand movement downward. Clarke's breath stopped for a moment. Lexa started moving against her.
"They will summon you." Lexa repeated and started kissing her neck while rocking her hips down.
Clarke reached around Lexa and helped her create the movement she needed. Lexa's fingers worked outside first and then moved inside. Clarke held in her screams knowing the rooms here weren't exactly soundproof. When Lexa was finished with her, Clarke turned the tables and moved Lexa to straddle her as they'd done their first time. She held onto her and Lexa's hand pressed against the wall beside the small bed in an effort to give herself the ability to move more freely. When her other hand went to the wall too, Clarke knew she was close. Her hips were driving down into Clarke's fingers and Clarke watched her flat stomach move faster and faster until Lexa finally came. Her hands remained pressed against the wall for several seconds while she caught her breath. She looked down at Clarke and went to lean in for another kiss when there was a knock at the door. They both moved quickly to find their clothing.
"Uh… just a second."
Another knock.
"Hold on, I'm coming." Clarke threw on a shirt and some pants and looked to see that Lexa was covered up too.
She opened the door to see her mom standing there. Abby's expression was hard to read. Her eyes went to the girl behind Clarke and to the mussed bed. She looked back at her daughter.
"Raven's awake." She told her.
"How is she?"
"We're running tests. The internal bleeding has stopped, but she's not out of the woods yet."
"We should be going then." Lexa said from behind Clarke and then placed her hand on the small of Clarke's back.
"Why doesn't Clarke decide when Clarke wants to go?"
"Mom, whenever I decide to leave, it will be my decision." Clarke told her and then looked at Lexa. "You should wait here." She told her. Lexa went to protest. "It's safer here than in medical. Just lock the door behind me. I'll come back soon." She looked back at her mother. "I'll bring you some breakfast and then I'll go check on Raven."
"I have food." Lexa told her and pointed to the pack she'd brought with her from the woods.
"I'll be back soon." Clarke turned to look at her. "Ai hod yu in." Clarke told the concerned looking Lexa in her native tongue knowing her mother didn't speak a word of it.
"I love you too." Lexa replied.
Clarke looked at her in disbelief. Abby looked more than concerned and very shocked.
"Come on. She's on sedatives. She might not be awake long." Abby told her changing the subject.
Once Abby was out of the room, Clarke turned and quickly kissed her.
"You'll pay for that one later." Clarke winked at her.
"How long have you two been…" Abby started almost the moment the door was closed.
"Mom, I don't want to talk about this with you."
"It's pretty serious with you two throwing around those words like that."
"Mom, please."
"Please what? Clarke, talk to me." Abby pulled on Clarke's arm.
"I love her, mom. What else is there to say?"
"How long have you two been sleeping together?"
"Since a few days after I got to the capital."
"That's it?"
"Why do you care?"
"Because I'm your mother, Clarke. I care about who you love and who you sleep with and I especially care when it's her."
"That her you're referring to has a name. It's real with Lexa, mom. I know that's scary to you. Hell, it's scary to me, but if I had to think about living without her right now, I…" She paused and rubbed her neck. "I couldn't or I don't want too. I don't know. I just know that she cares about me and she understands me in ways no one ever has. Can't that just be enough for now?" Clarke pleaded with her mother for understanding.
"Go visit Raven. She won't be awake much longer. I've got to make the camp rounds." It wasn't an answer to her question, but it wasn't an argument either. Clarke was grateful the subject was dropped. She'd never really talked to her mother about love before and she definitely never talked to her about sex. At least when they did, it wasn't like this. It was clinical because her mother was a doctor. There was talk of loving the person you choose to share that with, but it was put so matter of factly that it barely registered with Clarke that they'd discussed it.
Clarke arrived at medical and rushed to Raven's bed. The girl was awake, but just barely.
"Clarke?"
"Hey, I'm here."
"I thought you left."
"I did. I came back to check on you."
"Can I have some water?" Raven asked trying to reach for a cup, but Clarke grabbed it instead and gave her a drink.
"How do you feel?"
"Tired."
"That's the medicine."
"My leg hurts and my stomach."
"I can see if they can give you some pain medicine too." Clarke looked around for someone and nodded at them to come over.
"Are you back now?" Raven asked.
"For now, yeah." She paused and wiped Raven's brow. "I'm back for now."
"Clarke, how-" Lexa started, but then stopped when she opened the door to find Abby standing there.
"Can I come in?" She asked, but didn't wait for a response before walking into the small space.
"Are you planning to kill me?" Lexa asked her.
Abby turned around and shook her head.
"No, I don't think my daughter would like that, do you? Are you planning on killing me?" She asked as she watched Lexa close the door behind her.
"I would never do that to her."
"Like you would never leave her in the woods to fight Mount Weather alone?"
"I had to protect my people."
"And you had to sacrifice some of her people to do that?"
"I will have to live with my decision for the rest of my life, but I will not apologize to you for it. Clarke and I have discussed it. She understands as I understand her."
"You understand her?" Abby laughed in discontent. "That's my daughter." She pointed to the door. "She's my only child and she has had a hard life. Her father was executed, she was put in a cell and then sent here and when she gets here, there's a war with your people."
"We did not want a war."
"But you fought one?" She asked, but didn't wait for an answer. "She kills Finn so you won't cause him anymore pain, she's forced into an alliance with your people just to save her own and-"
"No one forces Clarke to do anything." Lexa interjected. "Clarke is strong. She's stronger than you." She paused. "She's stronger than me."
"She will make it through this then. Here with us."
"She will go where she pleases. It is not for either of us to decide."
"But you want her to go back with you?"
"Yes." Lexa took a step toward Abby. "Clarke makes me better. She makes me whole."
Abby looked at her suspiciously.
"And your people just accept her?"
"No." Lexa was honest. "They are trying. It will be easier for Clarke than it will be for me here."
"Because she didn't betray your people?"
Lexa nodded with a look of building anger.
"In part." She said. "Also because Clarke is more… diplomatic."
Abby couldn't help but laugh at that word choice.
"I suppose she is, yes." She started toward the door. Lexa shifted to allow her to pass. "I want my daughter to be happy, Lexa."
"As do I."
"I want to believe that you can make her that way, but I just don't see how that is possible."
"If Clarke can, that's all that matters."
"If only that were true." Abby let out and then opened the door to leave.
"How is she?" Abby asked when she entered medical.
"She's awake." Raven responded referring to herself.
"Where have you been?" Clarke asked her mother from her position on the adjacent bed.
"Making my rounds like I told you."
"I spoke with Kane. He said he didn't see you-" Clarke was cut off by high-pitched beeping sounds. Raven's eyes were closed and she was still.
"Move over, Clarke."
Abby rushed in with several others. Clarke stood watching them try to revive her friend. The beeping continued to get faster and faster and she wished she understood what they were all saying in their struggle to save Raven.