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Part two:
What happens in England after what happens in Vegas...happens
"Thank God there are no papps," Eleanor breathes a sigh of relief as she peers out the window at the airport they've just touched down at.
She glances first at her mother, and then at her bodygu - no husband, regrettably, who as usual looks none the worse for the 15 hour flight, except for a slight tousled look to his hair. Some people might think that he pulls off this look rather well, and that it actually makes him look hotter than usual. But, Eleanor reminded herself, after he had connived with her mother to force her to stay married to him under threat of making her a penniless, unemployed nobody, she was most certainly not one of those people.
"You do know that once they find there's a puppy on board, he's going to be sent to quarantine," the ever officious Rachel's glances from the customs officials making their way down the tarmack in a small vehicle to Prince Rufus. "For at least a month," she adds helpfully.
Eleanor looks down at her new pet with a frown. "Prince Rufus wouldn't like being in quarantine. All the big dogs might pick on him and I wouldn't get to see him for ages and he would be lonely," she strokes his fur lovingly. He is so little and he's only been with her a day. Every thing is changing and Prince Rufus has been her one constant these past 24 hours.
"He's going in the diplomatic bag," she decides, spontaneously, opening a large carry all bag, marked 'Diplomatic Carrier.' She shoves her drugs to one side, and puts the little puppy inside.
"And no eating the cocaine, ok?" she tells him, scolding.
"Don't they say something about pets take after their owners?" Jasper pipes up from the sidelines, slyly.
"Prince Rufus doesn't do coke, Jasper," Eleanor snaps, correcting him.
Just as she zips up the bag, the airplane door opens to reveal two customs officials.
"Gentlemen," her mother greets them, pleasantly.
"If we could just do a quick inspection of the plane and any baggage you're carrying, Maam," the customs officer requests, in a most obsequious voice.
"Of course," the Queen replies.
The two officers start at opposite ends of the plane, sweeping up and down once and then asking the passengers to present their luggage.
Eleanor presents the bag the rehab facility returned to her shortly before they boarded.
The officials are in the midst of opening and inspect the Queen and Princesses bags when a small but sharp 'roof' erupts from somewhere within the plane. And then repeats itself twice.
"Is there an animal on board?," one of the officers questions, turning towards the sound.
"Sounds like a puppy," the other agrees, stepping closer towards the sound and looking suspiciously towards the diplomatic bag. "Would you mind opening this bag?" he asks, looking towards the Queen.
"That's the diplomatic bag," Eleanor replies promptly, before her mother has a chance to reply.
The diplomatic bag lets out a sound suspiciously like a 'woof.'
"See it's marked here diplomatic carrier," she points to the words engraved on its side. "So you're not legally permitted to open it. And that's not a puppy either. That's a new feature I had installed recently," she's thinking fast on her feet. "Sounds of the English countryside."
Jasper rolls his eyes.
Eleanor continues. "Reminds me of our Somerset estate. If you're lucky you might catch the sound of horses along country lanes," Eleanor bluffs without shame. "Always thinking of new ways to spend your hard earned taxpayer pounds," she adds, smirking as she looks from one flustered customs official to the other.
She sees the two officers glance from one to the other, seeming uncertain what to do.
One makes a decision. "Well, we've completed our inspection so will leave you to get on you way."
As soon as they exit the plane, Eleanor pounces on the bag opening it to reveal a small white furry head pushing its way out of the top
"Awww, Prince Rufus, you didn't like the diplomatic bag did you?. No you didn't," she repeats, pulling him up to her face so he's eye to eye with her. "Well now you're out and I won't put you back in there again. I promise you," she tells him, cuddling him to her.
The plane door opens once more as the steps are in place, complete with red carpet.
Jasper hastily grabs both his bags and then Eleanor's and is first to exit the plane, relishing the fresh air after the stuffy cabin atmosphere.
The Princess, Queen and Rachel follow, with the steward carrying their luggage behind.
A black car is parked a few yards away on the tarmack, door opens, with the driver standing stiffly to one side.
It's only after they've been driving for twenty minutes that Eleanor realises they are not heading for the Palace.
"Where are we going?" she questions, snapping her head towards her mother, questionly.
"You'll see when we get there," Helena replies breezily.
Eleanor furrows her eyebrows together, ignoring the fact that Jasper is still irritatingly looking right at her, and has been for the past twenty minutes. Whenever her mother has surprises, she invariably does not appreciate them.
Her confusion mounts as they head unmistakenly deeper into the countryside, until they eventually pull up and wait while heavily gated doors are manually opened by a servant, and then they glide down a long driveway.
"Is this Misselthwaite?" Eleanor questions. "In Wiltshire?" Eleanor repeats again, like Wiltshire is the equivalent to Timbuktu.
Helena nods. "I realise you haven't been here since you were eleven so you may not recognise it well enough. But this is your new home. And your husband will be titled the Marquis of Wiltshire. Had you been married in a more seemly manner you would both have received a Dukedom, but as things stand you've been downgraded to a Marquis," Helena adds, her words accompanied by the same expression of admonishment that has graced her face so often over the past twenty four hours.
Eleanor glances to Jasper, but his face is giving away nothing.
The car pulls up outside the house, and the driver steps over to open the doors to reveal a gracious nineteenth century stone mansion.
Helena steps out, followed by Eleanor, then Rachel and Jasper. They head for the front door.
Five staff line the hallway. The first of them bobs down to curtsy.
"Oh lord, you needn't bother with all of that," Eleanor tells them before they all start up with it. One of the staff looks old enough to be her grandmother and too much curtsying can't be good for the joints.
One of the staff steps forward to take the puppy Prince Rufus. "I'll see he gets something to eat," the maid tells her.
Eleanor smiles gratefully and passes the puppy into safe care.
Helena continues forward, entering into a large dining room, while Eleanor, Jasper and Rachel follow.
"The staff here have strict instructions that to prevent you from further embarrassing our family you are to live a life of quiet seclusion on your country estate. With no access to your drug cabinet," Helena adds with emphasis.
Eleanor's eyes flash and she opens her mouth to argue with her mother but Helena serenely continues, ignoring her.
"You will not be allowed to leave the estate until such time as I am confident you can do so without creating further disgrace to the family. You will be permitted visitors from an approved list. Rachel, read the list," Helena orders.
"The names on the list are: Queen Helena, Prince Liam, and myself - Rachel," Rachel reads from her notepad primly.
"And?," Eleanor prompts.
"And that's the end of the list," Rachel replies promptly, while Helena looks on with a self satisfied smile. She turns her attention to her new son in law. "I'm watching you too, Mr Frost, or should I say your lordship," she informs him warningly as he looks back at her impassively.
"You can't do this mother," Eleanor storms, stamping one delicate foot on the carefully polished wooden floor.
"I'm the Queen of England," her mother answers, as if that itself is enough of a reply.
"You can't just do this. We'll be prisoners. Locked up with no way out," Eleanor paces across the room and gestures dramatically.
"Oh contrare, daughter, you will be enjoying the private romantic seclusion of your new home, as befits your newlywed status," her mother replies, cool and calm. "And now Rachel and I have business to attend to at the Palace," Helena steps away from her daughter and heads for the door. Rachel falls into step behind her.
"Enjoy your new home darling. If you're bored I'm sure your new husband might be prevailed on to occupy you with some form of some light entertainment," Helena adds sweetly as she exits the room.
"Ohhh," Eleanor seethes angrily at her mother's back.
"You know she's right. If you're bored I could satisfactorily entertain you, Princess," Jasper offers, one eyebrow raised, as leans casually against the wall.
Eleanor takes one look at him then storms out of room, repeating herself for the second time in twenty four hours.
"I want a bloody divorce."