John held up another option but Anna shook her head. "Nope."

"This is the third blue. You'll have to pick one eventually."

"And when I do it'll be the right one." Anna turned back to another shelf of paints, narrowing her eyes when she heard someone addressing John behind her.

"Home redecorating project?"

"Bit of one. We're trying to find paint to match this." Anna looked over her shoulder as John pulled out his phone to show the woman the color. "And I've proven that I'm basically colorblind because all of these look exactly the same."

"Close, but not the same." The woman called toward Anna, "I know what you're looking for, if you want to come this way."

As Anna turned, moving toward John, the woman smiled. "Is this for Baby's room." She pointed at Anna's abdomen. "You two must be so excited. When it due?"

"Five months." John practically beamed and Anna settled back to watch him gush about the baby. "We're trying to find the right kind of blue so it's soothing and also brings in all the light from the windows."

"Then you know it's a boy?"

"Actually," John looked at Anna and she continued.

"We find out next week."

"How exciting." The woman's eyes glanced at their left hands. "Pregnancy can be so unforgiving on the body. Has it already made your fingers swell? Mine were like sausages for six months."

"We're not-"

"We never bought rings." Anna put her hand in John's, quieting him immediately. "We were both students at the time and the only rings we had were those ones you get from carnivals."

"We wore them until the green stains weren't coming out of our fingers as easily." John glanced down at Anna, gripping her hand tightly in return. "We've just never replaced them with something nicer."

"Time gets away from us all." The woman moved down the aisle and Anna went to follow but he tugged her back a bit.

"What is it?"

"Where'd you come up with that story?"

Anna shrugged, "I dunno. I guess… I didn't want to explain our situation to a stranger and I…" She twisted a bit at the hips, pursing her lips. "I liked the idea that you and I were starving students who got married and are now having our first baby."

"Is it our first?"

"Definitely or you wouldn't be such a wreck." Anna pushed at his arm. "Honestly, you'd think I was asking you to join the Bomb Squad."

"I just…" He deflated, "I want everything to be perfect for the baby."

"I'm sure you'll be perfect enough."

"Maybe." John shrugged, "I look back on my childhood and it was wonderful. We didn't have much but we had enough. And I want that for my child."

"With that attitude I'm sure I'll be more than enough."

"You're sure?"

Anna put her fingers between his and tugged his hand. "Yes. Now let's get the paint so we can go and buy the fun things."

"Fun things?"

"You'll see."

The paint cans went into the boot and Anna waited as John continued to scowl up at the sign above their heads. "What?"

"It's…" He waved his hand at it. "It's pink."

"And?" Anna looked over her shoulder at the store and back at John. "It's a sign for a baby goods store. What's so scary about that?"

"These places are built as traps for men. They're like IKEA or something."

"Then isn't it a good thing you've got me with you?" Anna tugged his hand, bringing him with her. "Although we should talk about the baby shower."

"You want a baby shower?"

"No, for you." Anna slapped her hand to his chest. "I promise you that you'll need one. And it's a chance for those people in your life to feel like they're contributing to the effort in some way."

"How many men do you know who have baby showers?"

"Doesn't mean you shouldn't try to have one."

"How do I explain that I'm having a baby shower?" John held the door open for her and Anna shook her head as he hurried to join her. "Seriously, how? Because, if you really think about it, it's easier for women. Everyone sees what you've got coming and everyone's so happy for you because they know the stress you're going through. People never feel that for the husbands."

"Maybe if we did then there'd be less single fathers out there feeling like failures." Anna tugged him down an aisle. "This way."

"Where?"

"Baby clothes."

"It's the size of an orange. What do we need clothes for yet?" John paused, "And we don't even know what it is."

"She's carrying high, it's definitely a girl." They both jumped as an assistant emerged from between two shelves, as if lying in wait for them there. "I've got an eye for these things."

"It's actually a common misconception since there's no discernable way to tell the sex of the baby based on position." John held Anna's shoulders as if to use her as a shield when the woman turned her glare on him.

"I've got years of experience that say you're wrong."

"And he's a midwife." Anna interrupted them and the woman blinked, as if only just acknowledging John's presence. "We're finding out soon, though, so we'll be happy to tell you then if you were right."

"No thank you." The woman nodded at them before vanishing.

"It's like she was just waiting there for us." John whispered and Anna shuddered.

"These stores are never places to come alone. Too many grandmothers or people who wish they had children doting and fawning over you with their anecdotal advice."

"Been to one of these before have you?"

"Twice, with my sister, when she was getting things for her children." Anna pointed, "Cribs are over there."

"You never told me you had a sister."

"Yep. She lives in London, with her Scottish husband." Anna cringed, "They're going through a bit of a rough patch though."

"What makes you say that?"

"She uh…" Anna pulled at her fingers, "She cheated on her husband with one of her coworkers and it got a bit messy."

"Because cheating on someone's not messy enough?"

"It would've been just an infidelity problem if she hadn't gotten pregnant." Anna shook her head. "She and her husband are working it out, because it's over with her coworker and was the moment she confessed that she was pregnant, but now you've got custody issues and it's… It's hard on their kids mostly."

"Is she much older than you?"

"No but once she did her A-levels she was out of school." Anna snorted, "I was the idiot that wanted a graduate degree."

"And now that you've got your… masters?"

"PhD, actually." Anna stopped, fingering over a series of crib mattresses, "Isn't it funny how life just sneaks up on you?"

"One minute I'm working in a large office telling rich people that their anxiety attacks are a normal response to stress and the next minute I'm advising women on how to reduce similar stress during pregnancy." John joined her, "We've all been rocked a bit by the turns of life."

"It's not that." Anna wandered toward the cribs, John keeping her company. "It's the fact that if I'd left, after A-levels and just got a job at the temp agency my mother recommended then I never would've been in Rome."

"You don't know that."

"Why would I've been in Rome?"

"There are a thousand ways your life could've taken you to Rome." John shrugged, "And the horrible truth is that you wouldn't have had to be in Rome for happened to you to've happened. If you'd been in Reading or Durham the same thing could've happened. Last year Scotland reported that 5% of men are attacked like you were. The sad, and disgusting, truth is that no matter where you are, that could've happened all the same."

Anna nodded, "I guess you're right."

"Have you ever thought that maybe you're like Donna Noble?"

"Excuse me?"

"Catherine Tate's character from season four of-"

"I know how Donna Noble is, I'm British." Anna folded her arms over her chest. "I'm curious what she's got to do with this conversation."

"She had an episode, 'Turn Left' that explore the reality of her life had she turned right instead of left six months before her first adventure with The Doctor, right. And what happened?"

"I don't see how this-"

"And what happened," John insisted and Anna sighed.

"The world went to shit is what happened."

"Exactly." John clapped his hands together and scared a woman near them. "Sorry. It… We… A point got made here and…"

He turned back to Anna. "I'm not saying that what happened to you was foreordained by some grand entity or whatever but maybe, just maybe, it stopped something worse happening."

"I'm dying to hear this one."

"Okay, your sister, for example, is now dealing with a child whose father is not her husband, the results of her extramarital affair, and the possible breakup of her family for reasons I don't even think she fathoms."

"She had the affair."

"Yes, she did, but a lot of years of experience have taught me that people don't usually know why they do self-destructive things. It's a human trait, to try and destroy ourselves, but we can't always explain why we do it. Sometimes there is no justifiable reason, even to ourselves, beyond the rather depressingly limited expression, 'because it felt good'."

"What if that's the reason?"

"Do you know what feels good? The high you get from drugs, alcohol, and sex but we don't always do those things for our best good." John let his shoulders drop. "I'm not saying that there weren't other avenues that might've brought you more happiness or that may've saved you a lot of pain but I do know that there are more paths out there that would've been worse than the one you walk right now."

"You seem very confident of that."

"I was very good as what I did."

Anna narrowed her eyes at him, shaking her head. "You're a very different kind of man John."

"What makes you say that with that tone?"

"Maybe you're right and I'm on the road I am to meet you." Anna slipped her hand around his arm and walked with him over toward the cribs. "Donna did meet The Doctor after all."

"I do hope you're paying me the highest compliment I could possibly receive."

"What, you want to be 'The Doctor'?"

"Doesn't every little boy that grows up in England want to?"

"I met a decent number of boys satisfied being chavs actually so no, they don't."

"My mother knitted me a Baker scarf as a child and I was this close," John put his fingers millimeters apart, "From buying myself one of those long brown coats so I could look like Tennant."

"I've got to be honest, I was always a huge Sarah Jane fan." Anna stopped in front of a few crib options, frowning. "She was my favorite."

"She was everyone's favorite."

"Much like everyone hating Martha?"

"Hey, I thought rather highly of Martha."

Anna winked at him, "So did I. Donna's still my favorite though." She pointed to one. "I like that one."

"Why?"

"It's simple, drop catch for the side so putting Baby in and taking them out won't be a big deal. Also, the legs are extendable so as Baby gets older you just take off the sides and it turns into a bed until they're too big for it."

"Do women always think so far ahead?"

"Have you heard of emotional expenditure?"

"No."

"When a man goes to the grocers he thinks of the list and nothing else. When a woman goes she plans the order of her collection, the fastest routes, the meal planning and expiration dates around when and why she'll use the items, she finds the deals and arranges the cart so nothing gets squashed or smashed, and then counts her coupons to buy everything."

"I feel like you unnecessarily added ten items to a simple agenda."

"Alright then." Anna leaned back against a crib. "Tell me your process for going to bed."

"Check the time, brush my teeth, use the loo, change to pajamas, probably take a walk around the house to check all the locks, and then read a bit before bed."

"How does your mother do it?"

John chuckled, shaking his head. "She's got this whole routine down."

"Exactly my point." Anna brought her hands out like she was holding a great, invisible exercise ball between them. "Women live in this circumference of ideas and expectations. I've always called it 'the eternal now' but it's why we can pick something in the argument and trace it back six years to something still bothering us."

"That's not fair."

"But for us everything is omnipresent. Every problem, every solution, every concern is always and forever at hand and of concern. We can't just 'go to the shop' because that requires planning, arranging other errands, possibly a petrol run, and exact time tables out of our day. We think hours and days and sometimes years in advance."

"That sounds exhausting."

"It's not fun." Anna patted the crib. "So take my advice, while you have it, and buy this one for Baby."

"Because I won't have to toss it for five years?"

"And because you could easily paint it to the color of their choosing." Anna stroked her hand along it. "It'll be good."

"Anna," John put his hand over hers. "If it's too painful for you to-"

"No," Anna squeezed his hand back before withdrawing hers. "It's not like I'll never see Baby again. It'll just be a different kind of relationship."

"It's almost like we're divorced and discussing child custody."

"Thank whatever gods you believe in that this isn't Kramer vs. Kramer."

"I already have." John waved his hand for an assistant. "How do I buy this one?"

"Take the tag to the front desk." The girl scoffed and walked off, brushing her hair out of her face as John blinked after her.

"I thought you said the people who haunt this places are baby mongers."

"You get the odd few." Anna turned and gasped.

"What?"

"This." She hurried over to a rocking chair, sitting in it carefully as John extricated a tag and joined her. "My grandmother had one of these and she used to rock me to sleep as a child in it."

"You remember that?"

"I was six." Anna closed her eyes, setting herself rocking in the chair. "I used to have bad nightmares."

"About anything in particular?"

Anna shrugged, "My parents argued a lot, when I was young, because my dad was bad with money and liked his drink. It kept me up and gave me nightmares."

"They've actually found that children exposed to that kind of thing on a regular basis show signs of emotional instability later in life."

"Then it wouldn't have helped that my mother remarried a religious zealot." Anna opened her eyes, leaning her head back in the chair. "The effect we have on our children without realizing it."

"We're taking this conversation in circles."

"I know." Anna moved out of the chair. "Sit down."

"What?"

"Sit in the chair." John took the chair and Anna perched on the footstool near it. "You'll have a lot of night feeds and crying Baby so you'll need someplace comfortable to sit."

"And sleep?"

"If you can manage it." Anna smiled at the sight of John rocking steadily in the chair. "If Baby's anything like me then you'll be up a lot at night."

"Didn't sleep well?"

"Never really have."

John closed his eyes and rocked in the chair. "You're right, this is a good chair."

"And it matches the crib."

John opened his eyes and stared at the crib before looking back at Anna. "Does it go with the paint?"

"It'll match perfectly with the paint."

"I'll hold you accountable to that." John pulled himself out of the chair and helped Anna stand as well. "Let's get these."

"Perfect." Anna pointed, "And then there's the dresser and changing table."

"How much furniture does a child need?"

"You'd better hope you're not having a girl or it'll only get worse from here."

John groaned but took the ticket for the chair, and the footstool, and followed Anna to the dressers and changing tables. A process that brought their whole day to a halt as they noticed the arrangement of them and both shuddered. It was John who spoke first.

"A picture says a thousand words."

"Yes, but those are the wrong words." Anna shook her head, "These are all wrong. They're…"

"Too blue?"

"They won't fit."

"Is this another of those 'eternal now' things?"

"Look at the designs, the sizes, and the colors. They'll clash with the other two and the paint. More to the point, they're not functional once Baby's older than a year." Anna shook her head, "We'll have to get them somewhere else."

"What if," John took her hands. "We buy what we've liked so far and then find something to match them later. We're got five months and we'll have to paint anyway so we might as well get the essentials before we get too excited."

"Then me dragging you over toward stuffed animals and baby beds is a bad idea?"

"Very."

"Why?"

"Because then I'd be something entirely different."

"What would you be?"

"Out. I'd be out."

Anna laughed, "I do have admire your patience so far. Especially given how long it's taken for us to get this far."

"And this is why I'm of the personal opinion that men should do all the shopping. For everything."

"You'd just do it wrong."

"Says the woman giving herself anxiety as she meal plans in the pasta aisle."

"I told you that in confidence."

"Then you should've told me it was off limits for later use." John put his hands on either side of his face as Anna scowled. "I just used your skills against you."

"You're different when you're not in scrubs and telling me how to take care of Baby."

John shrugged, "Maybe you bring out another side of me."

"Something that's not the brooding, quiet, secretly wise man who used to advise people on how to care for their mental health?"

"Something like that, yes." John held up the three tickets. "Maybe the cashier'll have an option for as far as the changing table and dresser are concerned."

"Hope they've got a catalogue." Anna pulled a magazine toward her, "Something like this maybe?"

John looked at it and then shook his head. "Nope. I'm pulling rank and immediately eliminating that one from consideration."

"Why?" Anna looked at it. "It's beautiful."

"I don't believe in paying that much for something I can't drive or fly."

Anna checked the price and then nodded, "Alright, I'm starting to get the whole 'baby chic' feel here and you're right, it's ridiculous." Five women around them and two men turned at once to stare at them and Anna whistled. "That was very poor timing."

John ducked his head and spoke to the cashier about purchasing the items and getting them delivered before escorting Anna from the store. "From now on, everything we do for shopping is online. I refuse to set foot in one of those places ever again."

"I did feel a little bit like I might get asked to join a cult." Anna pulled out her phone. "Want lunch? It's on me."

"What?"

"After everything you just bought for Baby, it's only fair."

"I do hope we're not about to sink into technicalities."

"We're not but I do want to treat you." Anna pulled on his hand. "Call it an expression of gratitude, if you will."

"You never have to thank me for anything."

"Doesn't mean I don't want to." Anna pointed down the street, "Come on. There's a lovely little bakery around here that I love and you'll enjoy too I hope."

"You hope?"

"I don't know your sweetness level."

"May I remind you, you caught me eating ice cream as breakfast at nine in the morning." John tucked her hand into the crook of his elbow. "My sweetness level is very high."

"I guess I just mistook you for a black coffee drinker with your quiet, yet sure demeanor."

"I can promise you," John turned his face toward her. "I put sugar in my tea."

"You don't even drink coffee?"

"No."

Anna shook her head. "I feel like all we know about each other is the deep stuff and we skipped over all the little details about life."

"Those are boring."

"But what if I found our your favorite color was something like chartreuse and then I realized you have no taste and could therefore never be-" Anna stopped herself, biting at her lip as John raised an eyebrow. "I'm just saying, there's a lot to know about a person in those tiny little details that we almost never like sharing about ourselves because they sound so boring."

"Do you want to know what my favorite color is?"

"Sure."

"Midnight blue." John winked at her, "I painted my study that and then had a little accident with the white paint I was using to do touch ups on the door and it spackled the wall but now it looks like stars in the night sky so I kept it."

"You made art on accident?"

"A lot of things get made by accident." John smiled, "Technically I was made on accident but that's another story."

"What?"

"Ask my mother about it sometime. It's the only thing that ever makes her blush." John grinned, "And I don't really celebrate national holidays."

"You don't?"

"No."

"Then what do you do?"

"The same thing I do every national holiday. I stay inside and complain about overt patriotism and the commercialization of it. Mostly just complain and try to fight holiday traffic."

"You must be a nightmare at airports."

"I haven't had a real holiday in over five years because I usually just called my conferences holidays but they're three days in large ballrooms or meeting halls of hotels in big cities that all look the same except for the way the signs are spelled out." John put his hands in his pockets. "I just never saw the point in a holiday when I hated my job and all it would do was remind me of how much I didn't want to go back."

"Now you're making me sound like a frivolous girl."

"We're all frivolous in our own ways. That's just not one of mine." John patted her hand. "Your turn."

"I like periwinkle but I'm probably a bigger fan of scarlet. It's a good color for my skin tone and it doesn't wash me out." Anna took a deep breath, "I was a planned child but, like I've said, my childhood wasn't exactly perfect. I like national holidays for the same reason I like bank holidays, I make art on purpose, and I happen to love the idea of a holiday."

"I guess we're just ill-suited then."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well," John shrugged, a tiny smile quirking the sides of his mouth. "You'd mentioned that if you realized I had no taste then… And you trailed off. I assume that means if we're not compatible on the color wheel then we're out."

"I don't agree." Anna sat them at a table outside, despite the chill in the air. "We want to get out and experience the world in our own ways. You want this baby because it'll give you the chance to see the world you're not enjoying in a new way. I wanted to see the world with my own eyes and found myself suffering a bit for it."

"And you think that's what'll bring us together?"

"It already has." Anna held his hands, bringing him closer to her. "You've… You've seen me at what I'd define as my lowest point and your response was to be there for me. That's a special kind of person."

"Or a selfish one."

"No," Anna shook her head, "As a midwife you'd know that taking on a child as a responsibility is the opposite of selfish. It's all work and no reward."

"Depends on what you define as a reward."

Anna smiled at him, blinking at the possible threat of tears. "I don't regret it you know."

"What?"

"I should, but I don't, not anymore." Anna let her fingers brush over his face and their heads leaned closer so their foreheads touched. "I don't regret anything that's happened because, if it hadn't, I wouldn't have met you."

"Guess it was a good thing you turned left then." John grinned at her and Anna tilted her head to kiss him.

He kissed her back, his hand running along her jaw to hold the kiss steady as their knees collided between their chairs. They shuffled and adjusted so they could deepen their kiss until Anna finally pulled away to breathe. "I know it's an awkward position but-"

"I'd like to take you home." Anna blinked and John hurried to explain himself. "I may be overstepping my bounds and if you want me to stop then just say the word but… I think I'm… I think I'm in love with you. And I know it's not gentlemanly to say it, given the circumstances and everything else we're going through… everything you're going through, but I had to say it because it's how I feel and-"

Anna melded his lips back to hers and clutched his face between her hands. He sighed into their kiss and held there as she manipulated their mouths to find the perfect angle. And when she let her tongue run over his lip he opened his mouth and deepened the kiss immediately. A kiss they both pressed until black dotted the corners of Anna's vision.

She withdrew slowly, blinking at John, and smiled. "It doesn't have to be gentlemanly because I think I feel the same. And you are a gentleman."

"I know it'd be difficult."

"Because of the baby?"

"Because of what happened too." John put his hands over hers. "Not because you're a victim but because there is trauma there and it should be handled the way we treat broken bones. Be aware of it, adapt to it, and adjust around it. But only at your speed."

"This is the speed I like." Anna took a hand from his, running her fingers into his hair. "Just how we're going right now."

"Even after I basically just told you I want to sleep with you?"

"Especially after that."

"Okay." John's face cracked into a wide smile. "Then… Can I take you to dinner?"

"Probably not tonight."

"Alright, Friday. You'll be finished with your first week and then we'll have a whole weekend to… Do whatever."

"I'd like that. I'd like that a lot."

"It's a date then." John kissed her hand. "May I take you home now Ms. Smith. I believe we've got some painting to do."

"That we do."