Since I haven't gotten any new reviews in a while, I decided it was time to upload this. Hopefully more people will notice now.

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Chapter Ten: Reunion

Hyrule Castle Town was in ruins.

Nothing remained of that once-prosperous town save for a handful of burned-out houses. Everything else was reduced to ashes and splintered wood. The sky above was perpetually dark and cloudy, an omnipresent atmosphere of evil. Link frowned sadly as he recognized several of the buildings, the inn, the shooting range…memories rushed through his mind at the sight of the dilapidated structures, memories of a happier time when his adventure had only just begun.

"Link…" Navi murmured, gesturing behind him. "Link, look! The castle…"

Link turned around towards where he knew Hyrule Castle to be.

But Hyrule Castle was gone.

In its place was a different castle, this one carved of black granite as opposed to the white marble of Hyrule Castle. A large round tower rose from the middle, reaching up into the sky. The walls were ringed with sharp spikes, and worst of all, the castle itself was situated on a floating platform suspended over a massive pit of lava. Link's eyes hardened at the sight of this.

Watch out, Ganondorf, he silently vowed. Soon enough, I'll be coming to get you. You will pay for everything you've done!

Without further ado, Link turned his back on Ganon's Castle, and made his way out of the ruined city.

XXXXXX

Unbeknownst to Link, however, he was being watched.

High up in his tower, Ganondorf looked out the window and observed the green-clad boy leave his realm.

"He has the Master Sword," Ganondorf mused, his arms folded. "Perhaps there is truth to that old legend after all."

On either side of the Dark Lord, two ancient, identical twin Gerudo witches flanked him, cackling ominously.

"You should kill him while you have the chance," the witch with the red color scheme advised.

"Yes, before he becomes strong enough to challenge you!" the blue witch added.

Ganondorf narrowed his eyes as he continued to watch the boy. "No. Now that her so-called Hero has arisen, it is only a matter of time before the Princess reveals herself again. In the meantime, I will…keep an eye on him."

"But, Great One!" the red sorceress exclaimed. "What if he encounters the Resistance?"

"I have tolerated their impudence long enough," Ganondorf answered darkly. "In the past few weeks I have tirelessly bolstered my armies in preparation. Now it is time to strike." He turned with a flourish of his wine-red cape and affixed the witches with his venomous gaze. "If the Hero is struck down in the crossfire, so be it. It will have removed two major threats to my rule. The Princess would have no way to oppose me, and will perhaps wither away in secret and die as a lame beggar in a forgotten alley. Mother Koume…" The red witch straightened eagerly at this. "You will lead the assault on Lon Lon Ranch. Wipe out the so-called 'Teufort Nine', once and for all." The Dark Lord unconsciously traced his finger over a long, thin scar that ran down the length of his cheek from his ear to his nose, left there by that brazen bowman seven years ago. He even briefly imagined a ghostly twinge in his back from that masked assassin, despite the witches having healed it years ago. "Mother Kotake…" The blue witch stood at attention. "You will oversee the pacification of Kakariko Village. Dispose of those Hylian traitors, as they should have been seven years ago. We march at first light tomorrow."

"It will be done, My Lord," the Twinrova Sisters chorused, bowing before they each disappeared in a burst of fire and ice magic, respectively.

Ganondorf turned to look out the window once more, pondering the future of his reign.

XXXXXX

Link spent most of the day walking across the windswept plains of Hyrule Field towards Lon Lon Ranch, a sad, pensive look on his face. Abruptly he stopped, staring off into the distance as Navi startled.

"What's the matter, Link?" Navi asked worriedly.

Link slowly ran a hand over his forehead as he sighed. "It's just…everything is different. Even the air smells different now. There's just this constant feeling that…everything is…off, somehow, even when it looks normal. Has it really been seven years? That's…that's almost half my life I'm missing."

Navi, for once, didn't know what to say.

"And the BLU Team," Link continued. "They probably think I'm dead. I just…I can't imagine how Mr. Mundy must feel about that. Ever since the Great Deku Tree died, he's been the closest thing I've had to a father. And the others…they were nice, even if they were all crazy at the same time."

"Link, I can't say I know what you're going through," Navi slowly said, perching on his shoulder. "We fairies live a lot longer than Hylians. Seven years would be a blink of an eye for us. But…you are alive. You couldn't help being put to sleep for seven years. When we see them again, everything will be alright. Just you wait and see."

Link smiled. "Thanks, Navi."

And so they continued onwards, and just as the sun was reaching the horizon, the blue sky giving way to red and gold, they spotted the familiar silhouette of Lon Lon Ranch. Yet Link could see that several things about it had changed. The perimeter was lined with wooden palisades, behind which were several strange blue-painted machines with rectangular heads that swiveled left and right, beeping every few moments as if watching for intruders.

"What are those?" Navi whispered as they warily approached the ranch.

"No idea," Link whispered back. "But they look dangerous. Be careful; we don't want to set them off."

Suddenly Navi gasped. "Link, wait! Stop!"

Link paused as he realized that a glowing blue dot was squared right between his eyes, and then he heard a familiar voice cry, "Stop roight theah! Not anothah step or Oi'll plant one roight between your ois!"

Link slowly held his hands up, looking around for a familiar brown hat. "Mr. Mundy?"

Suddenly he spotted the man in question making his way past the palisades, a strange-looking metal weapon with a long barrel in his grip. "Who're you, and wot business do ya have at the ranch?"

"Mr. Mundy, it's me! Link!" the newly-anointed Hero of Time declared eagerly.

His face fell when he saw the hard look in Sniper's eyes before he found himself staring into the barrel of his sniper rifle.

"Link is dead, boy," the Aussie growled angrily, cocking his gun ominously. "How dare ya troi and pull a fast one ovah us. So, did Ganondorf woise up 'n start sendin' in human spoies now?"

"Mr. Mundy, it's us!" Navi exclaimed. "It's really us!"

Sniper looked surprised by Navi's presence, but quickly refocused his deadly gaze on Link. It was a look that chillingly reminded him that, despite Sniper's kindness from before, he was a trained killer.

"Prove it," Sniper growled. "Tell me somethin' only Link would know."

Link wracked his brain for a moment before the perfect memory presented itself, and a wistful smile graced his lips as he replied, "In the Kokiri Forest, Mido tried to stop us from seeing the Great Deku Tree. In response, you threw a bottle of your own pee at him. It was the funniest thing I had ever seen."

Sniper was silent for a long moment before he slowly lowered his weapon, his eyes wide behind his omnipresent sunglasses. "…It's really you, isn't it, lad…?"

Link smiled. "It's been a long time, Mr. Mundy."

At this, Sniper broke out in exhilarated laughter as he wrapped Link up in a one-armed hug. "HAHAHA, it is you, kid!" He turned his head towards the ranch. "Boys, come quick! It really is him! Link's back!"

And just like that, the rest of the BLU Team emerged from the ranch, laughing in joy as they all either hugged Link or shook his hand eagerly.

"Yuir a sight fer sore eyes, lad!" Demoman guffawed.

"Well Ah'll be a monkey's uncle!" Engineer cried, who Link noticed was wearing a white cowboy hat instead of the yellow hardhat he was used to seeing. "Yer alright!"

"Leettle baby man is all grown up!" Heavy rumbled.

Pyro's words were, unsurprisingly, unintelligible. But he at least hugged Link and laughed happily.

"It's good to see zat you made it out safely after all, monsieur," Spy commended, always dapper and composed as he shook Link's hand.

"It's about time you returned to us, Herr Link!" Medic declared. "I've been eagerly avaiting ze day I can finally perform ze Über Operation on you!"

"Oh that's nice," Link uttered in a way that showed he didn't think that was nice at all.

"Damn, son, look atcha!" Scout remarked arrogantly. "You're almost as handsome as I am!"

Soldier was the only one not to give in to the happy atmosphere, his arms folded as he barked, "Alright, reunion's over!" He pointed sternly at Link. "You, maggot, have a lot of explaining to do for your going AWOL! Seven years is INEXCUSABLE!"

The laughter and smiles died down as they waited for an explanation. Link sighed. "It's…kind of a confusing story. But, long story short, when I entered the Temple of Time and opened the door, I pulled this out." He unsheathed the Master Sword, allowing the BLUs to inspect it, who were pleased by the color of the legendary weapon's handle. "The Master Sword, the weapon with which I can defeat Ganondorf. But I was too young to use its power. So I was put into a deep sleep for seven years until I was old enough to wield it."

"YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU SPENT THE LAST SEVEN YEARS SLEEPING, MAGGOT?!" Soldier howled, looking about ready to strangle the poor kid. "THAT KIND OF INSUBORDINATION WARRANTS TWENTY LASHES MINIMUM!"

"I-it's not like I had any choice!" Link cried, holding up his hands to defend himself. "It happened on its own the second I pulled it out!"

Their eyes all widened as Soldier drew out what the BLU Team knew was his Disciplinary Action, and immediately moved to intercept the deranged mercenary.

"Ach! For God's sake, Jane, let the lad be!" Demoman cried.

"Jesus, Solly, what the heck is yer problem?!" Scout exclaimed.

"NO! THIS MAGGOT NEEDS TO LEARN WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ABANDON YOUR TEAMMATES!"

Link's face, once contorted in worry and fear, now fell into a guilty sadness as Soldier's words sank in. "Look, everybody. I'm sorry about what happened. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I didn't know that Ganondorf would follow me into the Temple and get the Triforce. I didn't know that I would be put into a forced seven-year-long sleep. I'm missing seven years of my own life, and for all intents and purposes, I did abandon you guys. And because of that, Ganondorf is now in control of Hyrule and you all thought I had either been killed or ran like a coward."

Then, to their collective shock, Link undid his belt, pulled his tunic over his head, exposing his bare, lightly-muscled chest, and turned around, bracing his hands against a palisade. "Link, you can't…!" Navi whimpered, horrified.

"If it makes you feel any better, you can carry out my sentence," Link offered sadly. "All of this is my fault, and I failed all of Hyrule in trying to help it. Just…get it over with quickly."

All of the BLU mercenaries were shocked into silence, while Soldier stared at Link's unguarded back, examining the smooth, white skin while idly fingering his riding crop, deep in thought. Engineer leaned towards Link, deep worry in his expression despite his eyes being hidden by those omnipresent goggles. "Son, ya don't hafta do this," he whispered. "Solly just misses ya as much as the rest'a us did, but the damn fool don't even know how t'show it."

Link slowly shook his head. "I think…I think I need this as much as he does. Maybe the pain will convince me that all of this is truly real."

That didn't assuage Engineer's concern in any way.

"Lad, what happened wasn't your fault!" Sniper hissed. "Just put your bloody shirt on 'n let us deal with Solly!"

Link just shook his head. "I'm ready when you are, Mr. Doe," he called out in resignation.

"Sergeant Doe, maggot!" Soldier snapped, though his voice had admittedly decreased dramatically in volume. Smacking his Disciplinary Action in his palm, he continued, "Because you owned up to your mistakes and came back, maggot, your sentence will be reduced instead to ten lashes! Brace yourself, Cadet!"

The other BLUs silently watched with clenched jaws and resigned expressions as Soldier strode up to Link, Navi flitting over the boy's head frantically, wishing she could somehow stop this. As Soldier raised his riding crop for the first blow, Navi closed her eyes.

Link tensed.

And then it fell with a loud CRACK.

Link clenched his teeth as he felt the sharp, painful sting in his back, fighting back a scream.

"One!"

Then came the second lash, and Link jerked his head up sharply at the pain, squeezing his eyes shut as he bit back another cry.

"Two!"

The third lash fell, then the fourth. By now, it felt like Link's back was on fire, the stinging sensation crawling into his neck, his arms, and his legs. But Link held on. A part of him felt almost…liberated by this pain, because now he could finally feel a taste of all the suffering everyone he had known had gone through in his absence, the suffering he had unfairly avoided out of destiny.

CRACK! "Five!"

Navi burst into tears. Sniper gripped his arms tightly. Engineer shook his head grimly.

CRACK! "Six!"

The agony spiked in intensity as Link felt the skin break, and the tiny stream of blood that slowly began to trickle down his back. Link let out a strangled gasp for air after having held it in for so long trying to brace himself against the pain.

Seven, eight, nine. Despite it all, Link refused to scream or cry. His knees refused to buckle. He refused to give in. He needed this pain, and he let it remind him of what he needed to fight for, the wrongs he needed to right.

The people he needed to avenge.

Then came the last strike. "Ten!"

Link let out the breath he had been holding as he slumped a little, glad it was over but allowing his mind to dwell on the pain a little. Navi wasted no time in fretting over him.

"Link! What were you thinking?!"

"I'm sorry, Navi," Link wearily smiled.

"Sorry?! You're bleeding, Link! You let him do this to you!"

"Vorry not, Fraulein," Medic announced, stepping forward with his Medi-Gun at the ready. "I vill heal him!"

Link, however, abruptly straightened and turned around. "No," he replied evenly. "Leave it."

Medic quirked an eyebrow. "Vhatever for?"

"This pain will serve to remind me of everything I need to do, and why I need to do it," was the Hero's answer.

Medic, however, was having none of that.

Rolling his eyes, the German doctor smacked Link upside the head. "Ow!" Link yelped, rubbing the back of his head and ruffling his blond hair. "What was that for?!"

"Zat philosophy of martyrdom is pure sheisse, Herr Link," he snapped. "Now shut up und hold shtill."

As Medic healed up Link, Navi did everything in her power not to check Link out, and failed miserably. She had never imagined that Link would grow up to be so…handsome. Although he was not musclebound like Heavy or Soldier, he did have some meat on his bones unlike, say, Scout. There was some firmness in his pectorals, and his chest was devoid of any hair, allowing her to see the beginnings of a six-pack running down the length of his abdomen to his navel. All in all, Link was starting to develop an attractive figure. Navi, however, had no delusions about her chances. He was a Hylian, and she was a lesser forest fairy. If they saw this journey through to the end, she knew she would not be able to stay with him. Fulfilling a quest like this would make her worthy of becoming a Great Fairy. But romance between a human and a fairy was highly impractical, and had only happened once in the history of Hyrule, between an adventurer and the Great Fairy Lilina. They had deeply loved one another, but Lilina had been helpless to watch her lover grow old and die, and legends told she withered away not long after, her light dimmed by her aching heart.

Movement in front of her drew her out of her reverie as Link bent down and picked up his tunic, slipping it back on before clipping his belt.

"Now zat zis unhappy ordeal is over," Medic chirped far too cheerfully, "I feel it's time for a celebration!"

"Darn tootin'!" Engineer agreed. "C'mon, son! Malon'll sure be happy t'see ya too, Ah reckon!"

Link brightened at this. "Malon's still here?"

"Of course, lad!" Sniper answered jovially, clapping Link on the shoulder. "Just, uh…don't let her know what went down just now, roight?"

Link nodded mutely as he and the others trudged up into the main part of the ranch. He cast a glance at Soldier, who stared back as if expecting Link to say something.

"Thank you," Link murmured.

Soldier did not seem surprised at all that Link was thanking him for punishing him. "Pain is weakness leaving the body," he replied gruffly, clapping a hand on Link's shoulder. "Remember that well, son."

Link managed a light smile. Perhaps Soldier was a little wiser than he let on.

Once they were inside the ranch, Link allowed himself a moment to take in his surroundings. He recognized the stables, the ranch house, the silo, and the racetrack, but it was obvious that the BLUs had significantly built up around the area. Three new buildings made from some kind of refined metal were arranged around the perimeter, as well as a greenhouse with numerous plants inside. One near the silo had a strange metal block nearby constantly humming, with black wires leading into the building. Over the doorway was a description both in Hylian and an unfamiliar script that Link assumed was the mercenaries' native language.

LAB AND RESEARCH CENTER

No admittance without prior authorization from Ludwig Humboldt (Medic) and/or Dell Conagher (Engineer)!

On the other side of the large palisade at the far end of the track was another building, though it was somewhat smaller, and the sign over its door read:

BUILDER'S LEAGUE UNITED

Main HQ/Emergency Bunker

The third building, constructed adjacent to the ranch house, looked somewhat more welcoming, and the sign over it read:

BARRACKS/ARMORY

Non-personnel must request permission to use any firearms stored within.

Inside the grazing area, at the far back where the shade for the horses was, a station of some sort was situated, with big red letters over it in the mercs' native language. Various weapons parts were arranged inside. There were also what appeared to be training dummies with targets painted onto them off to the side, allowing the grazing area to double as a shooting range.

Link was amazed by all this. "Wow…you guys have been busy," he breathed.

Engineer chuckled. "Bit of a funny story behind that, actually."

The Texan mechanic then took off his hat and held it against his chest as he knocked on the door of Talon and Malon's house. A moment later, the door opened, revealing a young woman with familiar red hair.

"Oh! Uncle Dell!" Malon exclaimed. "You know there's no need to knock!"

Engineer chuckled warmly. "Just fig'red y'all would like t'see an old friend'a ours."

He stepped aside, allowing her to notice Link. Her eyes immediately widened at the sight of him. "Is…is that…?"

Link blushed; Malon had grown up to be a very pretty girl. "Hey, Malon. Long time, no see."

Malon's face then broke out into a huge grin as she wrapped Link up in a fierce hug. "Oh, Link! It is you!"

Link gasped for air; Malon must have been taking hugging lessons from Heavy. Eventually Malon let go and looked Link over. "Where have you been?" she demanded. "When we heard that Hyrule Castle fell, and that you had disappeared, we all feared the worst! What happened?!"

"Perhaps that's a discussion we c'n save till dinner," Engineer replied. "Now that Link's come back home, Ah reckon that's cause fer celebration. Been a little while since we had ourselves a mighty fine hoedown, 'n Ah reckon havin' some fun would be a nice way'a thumbin' our collective noses at Ganondorf's 'New Order'."

Malon smiled. "I'll go wake up Daddy then and get him started."

"Do not bother," Heavy rumbled. "We will handle dinner tonight. Is best way to welcome back leettle fairy hero."

Malon laughed. "Just don't make too much of a mess in the kitchen, alright, boys?"

"We will clean up any mess my colleagues make, Malon," Spy assured her.

Sniper looked up at the sun as it started sinking below the horizon. "Moight wanna get started roight about now, then. It's almost noightfall."

"Alrighty then," Engineer declared, rubbing his gloved hands. "Ah'll go grab a couple'a ham shanks outta the lab fridge 'n get 'em cookin'. Pyro, fire up the grills 'n smoke us some ribs. Misha, get workin' on makin' some'a your sandwiches. Jean, make us some'a yer frilly French pastries for dessert. Tavish, get some bottles'a wine 'n cider out 'n ready t'go, but nothin' too strong, y'hear? Jeremy, go into the greenhouse 'n get us some fruits 'n veggies. Lawrence, help Jeremy cut 'em all up. Ludwig, Ah want ya t'sterilize the table, dishes, 'n silverware, make sure they're clean. Jane, you'll set the table once Ludwig's done with that. Now go to it, boys, Ah want this hootenanny up 'n runnin' in two hours!"

"And what should I do?" Link asked, wanting to help out.

"Go on in 'n catch up with Malon here," Engineer replied. "Ya know what they say, after all; too many cooks'll spoil the soup."

"What in the world does that mean?" Navi asked, confused.

"Means too many people tryin' t'help'll just trip over each other 'n nuthin'll git done," Engineer explained. "Now, off ya go, kids. We'll call ya when everything's ready."

XXXXXX

For the next few hours, Link and Malon sat up in the bedroom she shared with her father, who had since woken up and gone downstairs to help Ingo bring the horses in before dinnertime and make sure the Cuccos were roosting, and caught up on the seven years they had spent apart.

"…so, ever since they came and moved in full-time, things have changed so much for the better, I think," Malon went on as Link stretched his legs from where he sat beside her on her bed. "They're hard workers, and they sure whipped Daddy into shape right quick! Ingo loved them for it. And since he doesn't have to do all the hard work around here by himself anymore, he's actually become a lot nicer, if you can believe it!"

"I only met him once," Link replied, shaking his head. "And certainly not long enough to really judge his behavior. And back then, he was already going on about how great having Engineer around was."

Malon laughed. "Yeah, he complained a lot, especially when Dad was being really lazy." Scrunching up her face cutely and hunching her shoulders, she began to do a rather hilarious imitation of the grumpy ranch hand. "Rrr, you woke Talon up just in time for his nap, rrr! I'm the only one who does anything around here, maybe we should call this place Ingo Ranch instead!"

Link snorted laughter, while Navi just shook her head from where she was perched on Malon's small vanity cabinet.

"Even so, he was good to the horses and cows," Malon continued. "Even when he got really mad at Daddy, he would still be nothing but kind to them."

Malon sighed in contentment, leaning back and closing her eyes for a moment as they listened to the BLU Team bustling about downstairs, laughing and carousing as they set up Link's welcoming feast. Then Malon opened her eyes again and straightened up. "So what about you? What've you been doing all these years?"

Link was silent for a while before he slowly replied, "Sleeping."

Malon just stared at him, waiting for him to elaborate. When he didn't, she flatly repeated, "Sleeping?"

"Sleeping," Link reiterated.

She shook her head in mild disbelief. "There has got to be more to it than that, Link."

Link shrugged. "I don't know if you'd believe me if I told you."

Malon quirked an eyebrow. "After what I've seen over the last seven years, I'm willing to believe anything."

Link raised an eyebrow of his own. "And what have you seen?"

Malon grinned weakly. "I see they haven't told you about the wizard yet."

"Uh, what wizard?" Link asked.

"Did you notice those fancy buildings and weapons sitting all over our land?" Malon asked. "Haven't you been wondering what they are and how they got there?"

Link scratched his head. "A little…"

"I can't tell you much about it, because what I saw was so darn confusing I still can't make heads or tails of it six years later," Malon replied, shaking her head. "But the boys can probably tell you over dinner, because this wizard? They apparently knew him."

Link did not have long to ponder this information, for he suddenly heard the telltale THUMP-THUMP of someone coming up the stairs. The visitor knocked on the door before opening it a tad, revealing themselves to be Engineer.

"Soup's on, boys 'n girls! Come on down!"

Link, Navi, and Malon followed Engineer down into the bottom floor, where a large wooden table had been set up. Heavy, Sniper, and Spy (who was quite humorously wearing a silly-looking chef's hat) busied themselves with setting the main dishes on the table. Demoman was pouring drinks (and saving the hardest liquor for himself) while the others stood back and chatted. Talon and Ingo were among them, and all of them looked up as they saw the teenagers and fairy join them.

Link's eyes were on the banquet table, and the sight and smells were making his mouth water like never before. He wondered in the back of his mind if they had bothered to feed him in the Sacred Realm, because right now he was starving. One large plate was piled high with sliced honey ham right off the bone and decorated with pineapple circles. Another was laden with dozens of large beef ribs, barbecued in some kind of sweet and tangy-smelling dark sauce. Twenty of Heavy's world-famous Sandviches were neatly arranged on another plate. One plate had a bunch of flaky-looking pastries filled with white cream stacked on it. There was also a bowl full of cooked multicolored peas, and Link wondered whether those were Magic Beans. There was also a bowl of mashed potatoes topped with a brown gravy. All in all, it was a feast like nothing the Hyrule natives had seen before. Tonight, in the humble ranch of Lon Lon, peasants would eat like kings.

They all chose seats, but when the Hylians noticed that the BLUs hadn't sat down, they halted, parroting them as the mercenaries picked up their mugs.

"Ladies 'n gentlemen," Engineer declared, raising his mug. "Ah propose a toast. To Ganondorf!" There was a split-second of shocked silence before the Texan finished, "May he suck an egg 'n choke on his own spit!"

That got a chorus of "here, here"s and boisterous laughter from the gathered revelers. Then Sniper spoke up. "Alroight, now toime for the real toast!" he said, raising his mug up and gesturing towards Link, smiling warmly. "To the man'a the houah. Welcome home, Link."

All of them cheered and took swigs of varying size from their mugs while Link blushed at the attention, overcome with emotion.

This…this was what it was like to have a family.

A family. His family.

"Thank you guys," he uttered, fighting back tears. "Just…thank you."

"No, thank you," Sniper replied, still smiling. "Oi have a feelin' now that you're back, things're gonna start changin' around heah."

"The reign of Ganondorf is nearing its end," Spy vowed, smirking.

"Aye!" Demoman cheered, sloshing his drink around. "Et's only a matter of time before we drag his sorry arse ta hell where he belongs!"

"This land may not be America," Soldier declared, conviction in his gravelly voice, "but by God does she carry the spirit of America! And the spirit of America is the spirit of Freedom! We will win this war, maggots, because while kingdoms rise and fall, liberty lives on in the hearts of the people! It lives on in our hearts! And as long as those hearts still beat, GANONDORF WILL NEVER WIN!"

The raucous cheering reached a new crescendo at Soldier's impassioned and surprisingly-motivational speech before they all finally settled down to start the feast. Over the next twenty minutes or so, there was little more than small talk as they all dug into their food. Link had to admit, these guys knew how to cook. He'd never eaten so much in his life! The munching of food, the clattering of plates and silverware, and the various conversations created a warm, cozy atmosphere that put Link at ease.

Eventually, however, Link decided to speak up and asked, "So, how did you get all those fancy weapons and buildings set up?"

The laughter died down as the BLUs became pensive.

It was Sniper who answered first. "Do ya remembah me mentionin' a wizard a couple toimes when we first started out, lad?"

Link nodded.

"Well, let's just say we've had our fair share'a dealin's with him ovah the yeahs."

"Big ugly wizard is reason we were brought here in first place," Heavy rumbled. "Stupid magic wheel."

"Mostly thanks t'Jane 'ere's RED counterpart," Engineer indicated, "that wizard, whose name was Merasmus, really had it out fer all'a us, 'specially durin' Halloween."

"What's Halloween?" Navi asked.

"Best holiday'a the year behind Christmas!" Scout piped up. "Well, it was 'fore Merasmus came around, anyway…"

"Halloween, or All Hallow's Eve in some circles," Spy explained, "is a holiday inspired by ze Celtic festival of Samhain. It is the time of year when ze boundaries between the physical and spiritual worlds is at its thinnest. Hauntings are commonplace, and those with magical powers become stronger. It is especially popular with children, as they get to dress up as monsters and go around zeir neighborhoods and collect candy from their neighbors. For us, however, it meant dealing with Merasmus again in what's come to be known as ze 'Scream Fortress' event."

Sniper rubbed his forehead and sighed. "Every single Halloween, that wankah would show up with some new trick up his sleeve to make our loives a livin' hell. The noight we came heah, it was some twisted oidea of a carnival. The yeah before that, we had to deal with all the reanimated corpses'a all the bodies'a ourselves and the roival team left behoind from Respawn kickstartin' a zombie apocalypse. The yeah before that, we had to foight Merasmus himself, and before that, we had to deal with some'a his kooky monstahs, loike Monoculus…"

"Which was me fookin' eyeball, by the way!" Demoman yelled, slamming his fist down on the table and pointing at his eyepatch. "Damned Bombonomicon hauntin' me eyesocket…"

Link, Navi, and Malon all winced at Demoman's colorful choice of language.

Sniper coughed awkwardly at Demo's outburst. "Roight then…anyways, yeah, there was Monoculus, which was Tavish's haunted eye turned into a monstah, and the resurrected ghost'a Silas Mann, our formah employah's uncle, which we called the Horseless Headless Horsemann."

Link and Navi were shocked into silence. "What did you guys even do to make this guy hate you so much?" Navi finally managed to whisper.

Sniper shrugged. "It was mostly the RED Soldier's doin'. The BLU Team just got dragged into it. Now this is where it starts to really get weird. The Soldier used to be Merasmus's roommate. Problem is, we don't know whether it was Jane or the RED Soldier, because both'a them say they were."

"Perhaps it would be appropriate to mention zat we and our counterparts in RED Team all look exactly alike," Spy pointed out. "Same looks, same voices, same personalities, and even, as we eventually discovered, same memories and even ze same names."

Link, Navi, and the other natives listened on in rapt attention.

"During our years working for Builder's League United," Spy continued, "none of us, not even myself and my RED counterpart, were able to discover ze truth of ze matter. It was a secret the Mann Brothers, and by extension ze Administrator herself, kept closely guarded. My suspicions deepened when Jane became friends with ze RED Demoman, only for the relationship to sour under mysterious circumstances zat the RED Spy and I later discovered to have been the Administrator's doing. She knew zat, if we and the REDs started socializing, we would eventually discover zat something was amiss."

Malon frowned. "She sounds as rotten as Ganondorf."

"Now you understand why we're so keen to see him fall," Spy replied without humor. "Anyway, it wasn't until some time ago zat the truth was finally made known. As it turns out, we and the RED Team were originally ze same nine men. All of us were ze best in our respective fields. There was only one problem…both Redmond and Blutarch Mann wanted ze same nine men to work for them. So the Administrator, who had apparently been calling all ze shots behind our respective companies and their dealings the whole time, contacted Merasmus and browbeated ze wizard into splitting our souls in half and creating two versions of us, which became the RED and BLU Teams. He then removed our memories of it ever happening, again on ze Administrator's orders, and was sworn to secrecy under pain of death. Given her resources, even Merasmus knew better zan to test her patience."

Engineer then took over. "Anyways, back on topic. The REDs were the ones who dealt with Merasmus the most, 'n we more often than not just got dragged along fer the ride. Well, the day we were brought t'Hyrule, we were dealin' with Merasmus's Carnival of Carnage, and Merasmus had this magic wheel he occasionally spun t'make things even more difficult for us. Then the wheel apparently malfunctioned, 'n before we could get away, we were caught in a magical explosion that brought us here."

"You know what happened aftah, lad," Sniper picked up. "But aftah you…disappeared, we relocated heah and started plannin' the resistance movement. One year lateh, to the day of our arroival…the spell-chuckin' wankah found us."

XXXXXX

Six years ago…

It had started out like any other normal day. The boys had gotten up to do their things around the ranch to help out. Engineer helped Ingo herd the horses into the range. Heavy was lifting bales of hay to take over to the cow pens, while Soldier dutifully cleaned up all the cow droppings to be reprocessed for manure. Demoman was off making some moonshine to replenish his stores and sell off the rest to add to the ranch's income. Pyro was chopping firewood, humming a cheerful tune to himself. Malon and Medic were milking the cows. Spy was inside the house, preparing breakfast for them all, (as it was the only thing he could do on a ranch that still appealed to his refined mannerisms) while Sniper sat perched on a sentry tower they had built a few months ago, allowing him to survey the countryside surrounding the property. Scout was feeding the chickens while Talon collected eggs, the Bostonian grumbling under his breath all the while and ignoring the fact he got one of the easier jobs.

However, their activities were interrupted as the sky darkened, the sun being obscured by thick, black clouds. Sniper stood up and whipped his head around. He didn't see any monsters approaching, but he could never be too sure.

Everyone had now gathered outside, watching worriedly as the wind picked up ominously.

"Daddy, what's going on?" Malon whimpered, hugging Talon tightly.

"I don't know, hon," Talon uttered, his eyes darting about.

"Talon, take your daughter and get inside," Spy commanded.

However, before Talon could do so, an eldritch green tear ripped open in the fabric of space-time in the middle of the range.

And from it, out stepped the last person any of them had expected to see ever again.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Tremble fools, for it is I, MERASMUS! At last I have found you!"

"Are you freakin' kiddin' me?!" Scout cried, gesturing wildly towards the wizard. "Are we nevuh gonna be rid'a dis asshole?!"

"Goddamnit, Merasmus!" Soldier yelled angrily. "Get back to Canada!"

At this, Merasmus looked surprisingly offended, lowering his magic staff while the green glow around his body dimmed a little. "Wow, you could show Merasmus a little more gratitude for finding you through the interdimensional ether."

Engineer sighed heavily. "Whaddaya want, Merasmus?"

Merasmus straightened, the single eye attached to the eyesocket of his horned skull headdress bobbing back and forth at the motion. "I have come to bring you home, BLU Team!"

The mercenaries all looked surprised at this.

"Ye mean ye can send us back te our world?" Demoman exclaimed, his remaining eye widening.

"What's ze catch, wizard?" Spy demanded, folding his arms. "Given our collective history, you can't really expect us to believe you're doing zis out of the kindness of your eldritch heart."

"I'm not!" Merasmus matter-of-factly declared. "That annoying Administrator tracked down Merasmus at his secret castle OF DOOM! She ordered me to find out what happened to you and bring you back by any means necessary!"

Engineer folded his arms. "Well, we ain't goin'."

Merasmus looked genuinely surprised by this. "What?! Are you not bamboozled with the situation of being trapped in a world not your own?! Do you not suffer persecution from the distrusting locals whose language you can't understand?! Do you not struggle every day to survive against otherworldly beasts you could not have imagined in your worst nightmares?! Do you not wish to return to the realm of familiarity, where your homes, families, and jobs await?!"

"Nope," Engineer answered bluntly. "Can't say we do."

"We actually like it here," Demoman belched. "Even with Ganondorf comin' and makin' a mess of everything."

"…Oh," Merasmus uttered, fidgeting uncomfortably. "Well then…Merasmus finds this to be rather awkward."

Engineer adjusted his hardhat and sighed. "Look, we ain't goin' nowhere, Merasmus. Ah might as well thank ya for bringin' us here, 'cause we found our true calling in this world."

Merasmus looked around, ignoring the pointy-eared locals staring slack-jawed up at him. "Ranching?" he suggested flatly.

"Maybe aftah the war's ovah," Sniper answered. "But roight now we're plannin' a resistance movement against a local toirant. We're actually doin' somethin' with our skills that's got real meanin'. So do forgive us if we don't fancy goin' back to live undah the Administratah's thumb and kill each othah every day just so the bitch can turn a damn profit."

"But Merasmus must pay off his debts somehow!" the wizard declared. "I owe money to six separate gangs now, plus the State of New Mexico, and the Administrator offered to pay them all off if I brought you back!"

"Why not just stay here?" Heavy abruptly spoke up, and everyone, Merasmus included, looked at him in wide-eyed surprise. "Heavy thinks you would like this world better than back home. Gangs cannot get you. Administrator cannot find you. And this world has more magic than ours. Wizard will feel right at home."

Merasmus stroked his chin in thought. "Of course…of course! Why did Merasmus not think of that sooner?!" Merasmus rose up to his full height, his body glowing more as he raised his staff. "It seems I owe you my thanks, Builder's League United, for you have offered Merasmus a chance at freedom! I shall stay in this strange world and hone my magic powers! So mote it be, SO MOTE IT BE!"

Lightning flashed as Merasmus laughed. He abruptly stopped, however, as he leaned towards them and said, "Ah…perhaps Merasmus could trouble you with lodgings while he secures himself a new castle?"

The mercenaries all groaned.

XXXXXX

"Thankfully, two years later he moved out 'n built himself a castle near Lake Hylia," Engineer continued. "As compensation fer lettin' him room at the ranch, he gave us all our old weapons 'n cosmetics back, installed that magical upgrade station in the back, 'n helped us build up our base with our more advanced technology, which is kept goin' bah a network'a magic crystals Merasmus provided us with deep underground in the emergency bunker. He even gave us access to a couple of spells from the Bombonomicon which'll prove useful if 'n when Ganondorf decides t'attack us."

Link's eyes were wide. "Is Merasmus helping us against Ganondorf?"

"He keeps mostly to himself nowadays," Sniper shrugged. "Not that we don't appreciate that. We've foinally had relatively peaceful Halloweens ovah the last few yeahs. Though we recently heard Merasmus found one'a Ganondorf's spoies troin' ta infiltrate his castle, turned him into an explodin' bottle'a piss, and sent his 'gift' back to Ganondorf."

The table was absolutely silent for a split second before Link, Navi, Malon, Talon, and Ingo burst into wild laughter, heaving and gasping and smacking the table as they completely lost it, the mercs joining in in a somewhat more subdued manner.

"Are you, haha…are you ki-hi-hi-hi-hidding me?!" Link struggled to utter through his uncontrollable guffaws.

Navi was so overcome with laughter she couldn't stay afloat anymore, landing backfirst on the table as she kicked her little unseen feet up into the air. All of them could only imagine the look on the Dark Lord's face when he had discovered the hilariously-disgusting effects of Jarate.

Malon leaned on Link's shoulder as she wheezed, "Link, h-help me, I can't brea-hee-hee-hee-heathe!"

Link blushed at the contact, even through his own laughter.

It took several minutes for them all to calm down, but eventually they did.

"Anyways," Engineer continued on, clearing his throat. "Merasmus has helped out in his own way. Bah givin' us access t'all our old weapons 'n technology, it allowed us t'share some of it with the locals. Fer instance, we got a two-way teleporter between here 'n Kakariko Village down in our base. It allows us t'coordinate more effectively with the Royal Army 'n warn each other'a various threats."

Link leaned forward, his expression determined and grim. "It's incredible technology, but so far, you've been using it to play this war defensively. If we're going to make progress, we have to start taking the fight to Ganondorf."

"You're right," Spy agreed. "Sooner or later we will have to go on ze offensive. But if we're going to do zat, we must do it from a position of power. And right now, Ganondorf has most of the power."

"There is a way to weaken Ganondorf's hold on this land," Link offered conspiratorially. "And I'm going to need your help to do it."

The BLU Team collectively leaned in, sharing his determined expression.

"Wot's the plan, lad?" Sniper asked.

"I need to find the Sages," Link explained. "There are five of them scattered around Hyrule. If I understood correctly, one Sage is in the Lost Woods, one is somewhere in Death Mountain, one's somewhere around Lake Hylia, another is, well, I don't know, maybe some kind of big tomb, and the last one is somewhere in a big desert."

"Und vhat, exactly, do ve need zese Sages for?" Medic asked.

"Freeing them will weaken Ganondorf's position and strengthen ours," Link pressed on. "They have the power to help us. And we're gonna need all the help we can get."

The mercenaries all murmured their assent. After that, they continued with the feast, more small talk being made with an occasional burst of laughter. About an hour later, they had all gotten full, and the mercenaries set about cleaning up the dishes and putting away the leftovers. Over the seven years that had passed, the boys in blue had managed to install indoor plumbing in the Lon household after discovering a large underwater reservoir underneath the ranch, allowing them to wash dishes the modern way. While Medic washed the dishes, Engineer, Sniper, and Spy gathered up the leftovers in plastic bags and tubs and carried them over to be stored in the main base's kitchen. Once they were done, they bid Malon and Talon goodnight and began heading over to the barracks next door.

"This heah's where we all bunk up at noight," Sniper introduced as Link examined the barracks alongside the others. "All our weapons 'n cosmetics are upstairs."

Link looked around. There was a small kitchenette area off to the side for anyone who wanted coffee in the morning. Off to the other side was a rec room of some kind, with a table and some chairs and a sofa for relaxing. Straight ahead was a hall, and Link noticed doors on either side, each one having one of the mercenaries' names on it.

"These are your bedrooms?" Link asked.

"Yep," Sniper answered. And then they stopped at the end of the hall and faced a door on the left. "And this one's yours."

Link blinked in surprise as he looked at the door. Indeed, his name was printed on it, both in English and Hylian.

"We had an extra one set asoide for you," Sniper softly explained, shuffling his foot. "Y'know, just in case ya came back."

Link wordlessly opened the door and looked inside. While it was fairly sparse, with the only furnishings being a comfy-looking bed, a dresser for clothes and a mirror hanging above it, and a desk and chair set up under the window, it still looked inviting enough. Link glanced all over his new room. Somehow, it was…different, he felt, than when he had owned his own treehouse back in the forest. It had been his, but he often had felt…alone in his home. He had hardly had visitors, and it was always quiet. But now, he was living with other people. He had a room of his own, but now he no longer felt that pervasive sense of loneliness that had often plagued him as a kid.

This was his home now. Here, with his family.

Golden Goddesses above, it felt so good to say that to himself.

He turned around and hugged Sniper, now only half a head shorter than the Australian assassin.

"Thank you, Mundy," Link whispered.

Sniper smiled back and patted Link's shoulder. "Welcome home, son. Sleep toight now."

Link nodded and slowly closed the door behind him.

I'm home.