Sam is back the following morning with details for a salt and burn.
"So what'd you do while I was gone? Eat greasy BBQ in bed and jerk off to Asian porn?"
"It's like you've known me all my life." Dean says while thumbing through the file his brother put together.
Sam rolls his eyes.
"Cas dropped by for a visit too."
"Yeah? You guys do some more of your 'yoga' that leaves you dead on your feet?"
Dean lets that go.
"Nah, he was upset over someone he helped. Mother drowned her baby. He was pretty torn up about it."
Sam winces. "That's rough." Then after a moment he says hesitantly, "Hey, do you think Cas is acting different lately?"
Dean's heart skips a beat. "Different?"
Sam's frowning at the floor. "Yeah.. like at dinner the other night. You didn't think that was kinda weird.. even for him? Ordering for you?"
Dean shrugs and pretends to read but only stares at the same sentence.
"Don't be freaked out, but I think he has some kind of crush on you."
"What?!" Dean's heart plummets to his toes.
"C'mon.. the whole profound bond thing and now he's showing up like all the time."
"Jesus Sammy, the guy can't show up unless we need him for something?"
"You know that's not what I meant. I'm just saying you might want to have a talk with him about it before it gets out of hand. But don't be a prick about it. He's probably new to experiencing feelings like that for someone.. though having them for you might scar him." Sam punched his brother's shoulder and chuckled.
Dean laughed obligatory and thought he might be sick. Unexpectedly faced with Sam noticing.. circling around the truth.. he didn't know how to act. He felt paralyzed. This had gone too far.
"Hey, why don't you invite him out with us tonight. We're still going to that bar in town, right?'
Sam was going to see them together and know. When he was alone with Cas they were in their own little world and now everything was going to be up front and center. He couldn't just be this person who kissed and.. messed around with another guy. An angel.. but an angel in a guy. And the things he let Cas do to him, the things he imagined them doing later..
Well fuck. He had to call him now with Sam so insistent on having a little angelic intervention and if nothing else warn him. He just needed to steer clear of the younger Winchester who was far too goddamn observant.
When Sam gets up to go to the bathroom, Dean walks into the middle of the room and starts praying quickly.
(Cas, I need to talk to you, but S-) and before he can get to "but Sam is here" he's caught up in Cas' hold. His fingers curling in his hair, behind his neck. Tongue licking into his mouth. Dean gives back as good as he's getting for a few seconds before he remembers...
His eyes widen and he shoves Cas away from him as hard as he can. Sam had just opened the door out of the corner of his eye.
"Dammit, Cas! Personal Space! How many goddamn times I gotta say it?!"
Cas looks startled, hurt and unsure for the first time in a long while.
Sam's looking between them awkwardly before clearing his throat and says, "Hi Cas." Castiel only flicks his eyes to him a moment before returning his stare to Dean saying, "Hello, Sam."
Dean is glaring angrily at the floor and the silence is going beyond uncomfortable now. He's almost positive Sam didn't see them kiss, just Dean pushing Cas back hard from far too close. If he'd walked out a second sooner..
"Hey, we're going to this bar tonight in town if you want to-" Sam tries to break the tension but Dean cuts him off abruptly.
"Cas, I need to talk to you outside."
Dean walks to the door, not looking at the angel as he brushes past. He doesn't wait to see if he follows and keeps walking until he's well into the parking lot, almost to the road.
After a few moments, he sees Cas' figure close the motel room door gently. There's a momentary wipe of wind and he's right in front of him.
"Dean, I didn't know-"
"Stop." He turns away and takes a breath.
This must be what a heart attack is like. He hasn't ever thought about Sam knowing and now with the very real threat of him just stumbling upon them.. he wants an abort mission button.
He didn't know how to answer any of the questions that Sam would have if he'd come out two seconds earlier. Or seen them at the restaurant. Or rolled over in bed that night. This had just gone too damn far.
"I didn't know Sam had returned."
Dean's silent.
"I'm sorry, Dean. I know you are.. upset but nothing has changed."
Dean reels around and Cas flinches as he barks, "That's just it Cas, this is getting too easy! We can't do this 24/7. I'm forgetting.. I didn't want something.."
"I don't understand." Cas face is scrunched up in weariness.
"I can't do this anymore." Dean says finally.
Cas moves forward and Dean takes a step back.
"Just stop. This isn't going to happen anymore."
"Dean, I didn't realize you were not alone," he says again like it'll change anything.. erase the last fifteen minutes.
Dean's about to walk away when Cas says,"I don't understand what you are so afraid of."
He stops and works at putting venom into his voice he knows he can when he wants to cut with his words. He's done it to Sam a time or two and he let's it free now.
"Cas, I'm a freaking hunter. A warrior. The only thing I'm afraid of is killing my brother if I go Mr. Hyde, which is all I ever asked you to help me with."
He ignores Cas hurt frown and welcomes the cold anger that will push aside all the guilt over what he's going to say next. He needs Cas to go away. Now. He doesn't want to need him.. want him anymore.
"Now if I wanna go get too drunk tonight and find some lonely chick at a bar to bang then I'm gonna do it and you know why?
Cas' jaw is clenched and meeting his eyes physically hurts but he forces himself to finish.
"Because you're not my boyfriend or some shit. I don't want to be thinking about letting you down. I don't want a relationship. We had some fun and now we're done."
Cas hasn't said anything. He turned to face the road.
"I'm sorry." Dean whispers and he knows it's such a stupid and insufficient thing to say.
He walks away and doesn't look back but his fists ball so his nails cut deep into his palms.
He feels like a complete and utter shit but Dean's here with Sam anyway. He wishes Cas would have said something mean. Yelled at him because that he could handle. Called him a coward or beat him unconscious but no he'd just apologized for Sam and then went silent when Dean had his freakout.
Dean wasn't sure how long he'd stayed out there after he left. He made himself go into the bathroom and turn on the shower. He sat on the toilet lid and just stared at the wall. The last time him and Cas were.. together.. was in that same bathroom. It was Cas own fault, he knew Dean was crap at this. He was going to screw up eventually one way or another though it had taken him by surprise how quickly. He woke up that morning pretty happy and by lunch he felt completely lost.
Fuck it. He was tired of being sad. Dean was going to get good and wasted and find something warm to bury himself in. Someone convenient and uncomplicated.
Sam had started talking to a blonde sorority type about philosophy or some crap. He was on his third shot of Hennessy and starting to survey the room for options when he caught sight of the last person he expected or wanted to see.
Dean pushed off his stool and weaved his way through the crowd until he turned Cas around by the arm.
"What the hell are you doing here, Cas?"
The angel looked so out of place, especially with it being about 85 in here with all the bodies and him in the trenchcoat and all.
"At the motel, before.. Sam said I should come have some 'fun'."" Cas manages to sound stoic and defensive at the same time. "Since you no longer want to have fun with me, I thought I would find alternative means."
Dean locks his jaw and feels it tick. "Fine. Have fun," he says with sarcasm and walks away.
In that creeper outfit.. Good luck. Also social interaction was not Cas' best thing. Maybe some rejection would be good for him.
Dean finds a random tan dark-haired hottie that had been giving him the eye and buys her a drink. The sooner he's out of here the better.
He forces himself to not keep track of the angel and instead concentrates on cupping the ass of the young girl that's grinding against him like it's the main event.
As it turns out, he didn't even last the hour. His hand is groping up her leg and around again when he starts searching out Cas through the crowd.
He misses him twice because he wasn't wearing his familiar trenchcoat. Or his suit jacket. In fact, the sleeves of his white dress shirt are rolled up to his elbows. He's at the bar and the coats are slumped over the chair he's turned to the side.. facing some Corporate Douchebag. Who the fuck was that?
From what Dean can see, he's wearing a suit too, dark blonde with artfully buzzed facial hair. The guy is playing with Cas' tie as he moves in to say something too close. Cas is smiling like a sinner, rubbing the back of his neck almost bashful as he says something back. Son-of-a-bitch, he's flirting. Sitting next to them in bars.. he must have picked up a trick or two. All Cas ever does is people watch. He freezes as he sees Cas find his eyes for a second and smile as he puts his hand on Wall Street reject's upper thigh.
Dean has long since stopped dancing and the girl is trying to regain his attention by gyrating against him.
..The guy's hand is sliding up Cas' slacks and Cas turns to make eye contact with him once more with a little head tilt.
He must have moved but it seems as though he teleported halfway across the packed space.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Dean shouts at Cas but he is standing evenly between them, hoping Corporate Asshole gives him a reason.
"Hey, back off buddy." The guy is holding up his hand like he's fucking protecting Cas.
Dean shoves him almost off his stool. Damn he wished he'd fallen in his expensive suit. "Why don't you back off, dick?"
"Problem, Dean?" Cas raises his eyebrows. The fucker.
"Is this jackass with you or something?" the guy, who's nose he will probably break within a few minutes, says. Dean is about to shove him again but stops when Cas speaks.
"No. I don't have a boyfriend." He says with a small smile and his eyebrows arch like he doesn't know exactly what he's doing.
When did Cas get dangerous?
"Good. So can you leave us alone now? Go sleep it off, man." He fucking reaches up to stroke Cas' chin and turn him back to face him.
Dean yanks the guy away from the stools.. and Cas.. to punch him right on his perfect chin.
Sam is taking a drink from his beer and looks up from talking with the blonde as Dean is dragged out the back door by the bouncer.
"What happened?!"
Cas answers, following in tow and carrying his coats over his arm.
"I believe we are going to go work on Dean's anger problem."
Dean doesn't hear what else is said because he's being thrown out on to gravel. He's up and fighting as Cas and him are left alone in the cold night air.
He grabs fist-fulls of Cas's shirt to slam him into the brick wall. The angel laughs and Cas lets him do it once more before he flips their positions. He roughly kisses him hard and quick and is still smiling big.
"Dammit Cas, you make me insane."
He's biting his lip and licking into his mouth. "Thought I was supposed to be helping with that."
Dean pants and feels dizzy from how little he's breathing between their bruising kisses. "I think I traded one crazy for another. Shit, I wanted to kill that prick when you touched him."
"Mmm." Cas is making small happy sounds and making his way wetly across his jaw to behind his ear. "So you don't want me to touch another man's thigh?"
He whimpers when Cas bites down a bit.
"You know I don't."
"Were you not touching that woman's thigh?" he says into his ear and he's running his hand over Dean's thigh now like he did earlier with Corporate Asshole but this time he dips down between his legs. Cas is rubbing over and over his stiff cock and sucking on his neck like he's catnip.
"Fuck! Who cares about that woman?" Dean's arching against Cas. Tilting his neck with eyes closed to give him even more access.
Cas pulls back to stare at him,abruptly. He steps back, breaking all contact completely.
"I care."
One minute he's there and the next he's not. It takes a full minute for Dean to process what just happened. He slowly let's his head drop back against the wall and tries to steady his thudding heart.
No matter how hard he prays, curses or yells at the night sky.. Cas doesn't come back.
Author's Note: Sorry, kittens. It can't all be slaps and tickles. Please let me know you still love me.