Sorry for the delays. I'm back home now so I should be able to get back to regular posting.
Dreams for the future do not always come the way they are first dreamed. Sometimes change forces dreams to be left behind, or for those strong enough, the change enriches a dream into something well beyond what might have been. There is no question that change has occurred for the Crown Prince of Camelot, and as such it has changed the dreams for those in his life.
Explaining changes made to a shared dream is never easy, and for the change that has occurred in the Prince's life make it even harder to explain what is still to come. It has taken Arthur five days to share the news with his lady, but the time taken to properly present the news was time well spent.
Wiping a steady stream of tears, Gwen sniffles softly as Arthur allows her the time to process all that she'd been told. "And he's really going to have a baby?" She finally says, looking up with sad brown eyes. "And it's all due to magic and ... and, well you know."
"Yes, he really is carrying my child." Arthur says gently.
"And you're really sure even if it's been only a week since, um, you know." Gwen asks hopefully.
"Both Gaius and the Physician Agatha tell me it is so," Arthur says patiently, "It was a something planned by a group of sorcerers so to put me in a situation where I have to make a choice for or against magic."
"What sort of choice is there?" Gwen asks, "It makes little sense. You either acknowledge the child or not. It has nothing to do with magic."
"I don't know but I'm not going to turn my back on Merlin or send the child away no matter what." Arthur says with a shrug of his shoulders. "I'm sorry Gwen, any future we manage keeps getting more complicated. I can only offer you honesty when I tell you that Merlin and our child will be included in my future."
Sniffling again, Gwen dabs both eyes with her handkerchief. "I'd always known that I'd have to share you, but I never imagined something such as this. I understand your caring for him; I care a great deal for him as well."
Reaching out, Arthur places a hand on Gwen's shoulder. "It's not his fault, and it cannot be changed. Above all else it must be kept secret to keep them safe."
"Oh of course, I completely understand, I'd never put Merlin in any danger." Gwen says offering Arthur a small smile, "I adore him, I really do. If I had to share you with anyone I know I would have little problem sharing you with him."
"Thank you for your understanding Gwen." Arthur says as he draws her into a warm embrace. "I'm sure he will appreciate any support you can give him. The next months are sure to be very difficult for him."
"Somehow, someway, the three of us will get through this together." Gwen says with a genuine smile. "I'll do everything I can to be a friend to him. He's done the same for me, so I can do no less for him."
"You have no idea how happy that makes me, Gwen." Arthur says beaming fondly at his lady, "You truly have a heart of gold."
"It's been over three weeks Gaius," Merlin says as he swings his legs over the side of the sick bed. "I'm ready to move back to my room."
"With all things considered, it's best if Agatha takes your room for the short term so she can help Gaius, and be nearby to take care of your needs." Arthur says, standing just behind Gaius. "And for that same short term you can move into the servant quarters of my chambers. That way you'll be under my direct protection."
"No" Merlin says firmly as he crosses his arms over his chest. "I won't do it. There are plenty of guest quarters that Agatha can use, and I'm just as safe here as I would be in your chambers."
"Arthur is right Merlin; it would be for the best." Gaius says as he too crosses his arms over his chest. "And as he said, you'd be under his direct protection whereas here anyone and everyone has access. If something were to happen here, it could be a good deal of time before Arthur could handle things."
"Do you honestly think that my moving into his chambers won't draw more attention and raise some very strange questions?" Merlin says with a rebellious glare in Arthur's direction. "We already have a number of issues that we still haven't worked though, this will only add to the list."
"It is perfectly normal for a person of my standing to insist upon a servant to stay in my chambers, especially with the added duties I've had to assume." Arthur says patiently, "And it's the safest place in all of Camelot. No one would dare enter my rooms without my approval."
"Merlin, please see reason." Gwen adds, stepping up beside Arthur to offer support. "If you can't see what's best for yourself, then think of the baby."
"Good point Gwen," Arthur says with an appreciative nod to his lady. "We must put the child's safety first."
"It's only temporary, Merlin" Agatha says, "It makes it so much easier for me to stay in your room. Here I can provide assistance to Gaius while taking care of you."
"All of this would make a great deal more sense if I actually had servant duties to perform. But wait! You've managed to assign each and everything I do to someone else." Merlin snaps out with a growing measure of anger, "While I don't mind giving up my stable duties, and your laundry can be a nonstop chore, exactly what are people going to think when your live in servant has absolutely no duties? Any claim I make about fluffing pillows and dusting nick knacks will only hold so long before tongues will be wagging with rumors aplenty about exactly what service I provide."
"I can never make you happy! You complain when there is too much to do, you complain when you have nothing to do." Arthur says as frustrations begin to win out over patience. "And since when do you ever worry about what anyone thinks of you or the things you do."
"He has a point with that, Merlin. You really care less about what people think. And as much as I hate to agree with his highness you are absolutely horrible at doing as your told, which makes it perfectly understandable to worry about what trouble you might get yourself into." Gwaine says as he leans back in the chair positioned near the sick bed. "And Merlin has a point as well. If all his duties are given out to other without assigning something to replace his time and energies, he'll become the talk of the court."
"Perhaps he could sort through your paperwork to organize it into something much easier to manage, " Gwen suggests, "You've complained enough about the increase since you've taken on so much of your fathers responsibly. And perhaps your armor, as long as you don't have him carting it up and down the stairs. You've had such nice things to say about how well Merlin takes care of your armor."
"Fine," Arthur says," Does that sway you Merlin? To make it easier and more agreeable, I give you the leave to adjust your duties as you see fit. All you have to agree to do is to move into the servant's quarters of my chambers."
"Temporarily?" Merlin presses.
"Until such time as Agatha's duties are done." Arthur agrees.
Two months to the day from the start of Merlin's pregnancy began as an event of memory for many a citizen in Camelot. The simple start of a normal day comprised of the daily run to the kitchen for the Prince Regent's breakfast deviated into disaster in the matter of moments.
"So what are the plans for the day?" Gwaine asks as he follows behind Merlin as he makes his way to the kitchen to pick up Breakfast. "I'd recommend a tour of the lower city. Perhaps even a short visit to the tavern."
"How about I make your tavern visit easier and more believable? I could send you down into the lower city for a leather strap to fix a buckle on one of Arthur's armor pieces." Merlin laughs "I won't be going anywhere today so you can consider it a free day. I have a mound of paperwork that needs beat into order."
"Alas, the work of a Knight is never done." Gwaine says while pressing his hand pressed dramatically against his chest.
"You know Gwaine, we really need to let Arthur know that I've figured out that he's assigned a Knight to keep me company during any of my outings" Merlin says with good humor.
"You have a cruel streak Merlin," Gwaine says with a laugh, "He really thinks he's been clever enough to pull something over on you."
"If I didn't know you enjoyed the time as much as I do I might burst his bubble." Merlin says with a grin. "Anyway, we're here. I'll be right back." Not waiting for an answer, the dark haired young man dives into the flow of traffic in and out of the kitchen.
Standing just outside the kitchen, Gwaine watches his friend move around the kitchen. Picking up a tray, Merlin spins and grabs a plate, then a goblet. Merlin offers several smiles to the cooks and the maids before he makes a quick stop, followed by a sharp turn to snatch a pitcher of juice from a shelf. From there he dodges two other servants who are in their own dance around the kitchen. Side stepping along the baking racks, he grabs a half loaf of white bread from an assistant cook who laughs at the antics of the Princes servant. A grin appears on the Knight's face as Merlin manages to snag three large portions of bacon.
From there, disaster strikes. From the bacon Gwaine watches as a strange look appears on Merlin's face once the scent of the fatty meat crosses under his nose. As the Prince's servant nears the cooked cereal, the strange look on the young man's face takes on a pale greenish hue. At that point one of the assistant cooks offers a pan of sausages to add to the Prince's breakfast fare. The greenish tinged on Merlin's face deepens and his lips press tightly together. Backing away from the sausages a little too far, he bumps into the bubbling cereal, nudging it partially off the stovetop. At that moment a maid passes with a tray of eggs, and the scent is Merlin's undoing.
Turning sharply to avoid the overpowering smells, the large pot of cereal goes flying in one direction as the Prince's tray goes in another. The shouts of confusion and anger go up over the normal sounds of the kitchen. Bubbling cereal goes over in a great gurgling wave, sending cooks and servant fleeing. The tray and dishes crash to the floor, adding to the chaos.
With one hand over his stomach and the other hand held desperately over his mouth, seeking to keep down the threat of nausea, Merlin struggles to escape. Slipping in fallen food and broken dishware, the dark haired young man begins to vomit. Those with a strong stomach lose it with the sound of vomiting and any hopes of breakfast that day are lost.
Lost in a unrelenting wave of nausea, Merlin curls into a ball of misery with his eyes tightly closes, his skin color growing into deeper shades of green, and with a hand over his mouth is a weak attempt to keep what little bile he has left in his stomach remains down.
In the middle of angry shouts, spilled food and vomit, those who had fled begin to return. It is at this point that Gwaine dives in to save his charge from being skinned alive by the returning kitchen staff. Hoisting Merlin to his feet, the gallant Knight drags the clearly ill young man out of the kitchen into an easily defended alcove. Unnerved by the upheaval in the kitchen, Gwaine stops a serving boy and quickly sends him off to fetch Gaius and Physician Agatha to take care of the now whimpering and deathly ill Merlin.
When Gaius, Agatha, and Gwaine, escorted Merlin back to the Prince's chambers without any hint of food that was not clinging to his servant's clothing, Arthur had been alarmed. Concern only grew as it took two physicians a great deal of effort to manage the obviously ill dark haired young man. When the two physicians' came out of Merlin's room with mirroring looks of concern, the Prince nearly panicked.
"What's wrong with him?" Arthur asks as he looks over Gaius's shoulder to catch a view of the now sleeping Merlin. "Will he be alright? Is the child alright?"
"Calm down Arthur, everything is perfectly normal." Gaius says.
"We'll be able to treat the symptoms, but he'll have to adjust his routines in the morning to accommodate the changes to his body." Agatha says calmly.
"What are you talking about? Normal? What's wrong with him?" Arthur asks, clearly confused by the entire morning.
"He's experiencing a simple case of morning sickness." Gaius says as he glances over his shoulder at his sleeping ward. "Tea throughout the day, crackers before rising, and small meals throughout the day should be enough to curb any further outbreaks of nausea."
"Morning sickness?" Arthur asks, "That's a girl's problem, why on earth would Merlin be experiencing such a thing?"
"Pregnancy is a girl's thing as well," Agatha says flatly with very little patience. "Like a girl, his body is adjusting to accommodate and support the growth of a child within his body. Truthfully, it's harder for him since women have a uterus to contain the child as it grows. He has to deal with an internal chaos that quite frankly is not only uncomfortable but very likely painful at times. Added to that, since this is a condition created by magic, he has no one to share this experience with; no one to turn to in order to explain what he's feeling either physically or emotionally."
"Right, so, tea and crackers." Arthur says with uncertainty. "And support lots of support."
"And you might want to sort through the kitchen mess." Gwaine suggests helpfully.
It took Prince Arthur several hours to quell the rumors of a deadly disease spreading within Camelot. Despite assurances that Merlin was only suffering from a mild reaction to something he'd eaten, tempers in the royal staff could only be quelled by the removal of the Prince's servant's kitchen duties and all other associated duties that might bring him into or near the kitchen until further notice.
A few weeks passed and for most the matter was forgotten and had even become a humorous tale for others. Unfortunately, the matter blossomed into something more for Merlin and several weeks later the raven haired young man the added burdens only added to the silent ones he already bore.
"I ask you for nothing and I demand less. I serve above and beyond each and every day." Merlin moans from beneath his pillow. "Won't you just this once please grant me my one request?"
"I'm sorry my friend. I can't possibly give you what you want. Not today, and probably not tomorrow. And if you're thinking about it, probably not any day after that." Gwaine replies as he leans against the post of Merlin's bedpost. "Normally, I'd suggest a few tankards of ale and a willing woman, but I'm pretty sure some if not all of that would be off limits for someone of your delicate state."
"Go away Gwaine." Merlin growls.
"Not until you've eaten your crackers." Gwaine says with a grin.
"Leave me alone!" The raven haired servant yells through his pillow. "Let me die in peace."
From the doorway, Gaius clears his throat, drawing Gwaine's attention from the burrowed manservant. Stepping away from the bedpost, the Knight bows to the Physician as he sweeps a hand to the lump atop the bed. 'He's all yours' he mouths towards the older man before hurrying out.
Frowning, Gaius moves to the bed and without so much as a word, he reaches over and lifts the pillow from Merlin's face. "I said go away!" Merlin snaps while reaching for the pillow.
"Really Merlin, Gwaine was only trying to help." Gaius says in a calm even tone that he often uses on many of his patients.
"I can't do this anymore Gaius," Merlin says in a low defeated voice. "I thought it was bad when I had to keep my secret, and I felt terrible having to make one excuse after another for when I did use my gifts." Dropping his arm over his eyes to shield his red puffy eyes, the warlock sighs. "I can't even count the number of times I arranged for someone else to take credit for the things I've done, and there are even more times where I meekly let someone belittle and malign who and what I am just to keep from drawing any attention to myself."
"There is no doubt that you have a thankless job Merlin." Gaius says as he sits upon his Ward's bed. "But that has nothing to do with what's happening now, does it?"
"I don't know, I just know I can't find much reason to keep going." Merlin says sadly. "I've a thankless job on a normal basis, and just when I had started to think it couldn't get much worse, fate shoves me down another path to torment me." Turning on his side and pulling his knees up into a fetal position, the warlock seems almost too innocent to be suffering. "Magic has betrayed me, my body betrays me, and during a time where most living beings have some comfort or affections, I am alone. Even when this child is born, it will not be the child of a servant, it'll be the Princes child, so again, even then, I'll have nothing. I cannot endure in a world so cruel and heartless."
Drawing in a deep breath, Gaius looks at Merlin with sympathy. "You've got to find some strength to endure my boy. You can't continue to wallow in misery. It's not good for you and it's not good for the child."
"Even my friends who are trying to help me through this really don't understand." Merlin says, either ignoring Gaius's words, or so deep in thought he doesn't hear them. "Those who see me as a close friend only see the small reflection of who I let them see." Rolling over he closes his eyes, "It's almost funny that they would indeed put me out of my misery as I asked them if they knew what I was."
Gaius falls silent as he watches the controlled breaths taken by the warlock. The sadness and despair that was wrapped so tightly around the young man was alarmingly dark and foreboding. From a physician's perspective the depression was almost tangible should anyone be brave enough to reach out. "I wish there were something I could do or say Merlin. I know you are in pain, yet I have no answers because there has never been someone such as yourself." Gaius says reaching out to touch his Ward's shoulder. A frown formes firmly on the elder man's face as he withdraws his hand. Rising to his feet, he paused a few moments as if in thought before he turned to leave the younger man in peace. At least for the moment.
The wise know what battles to fight, and should they not have the means to win the battle, they usually know who to send to get the job done.