Nicole, Jess, Jack and Antonio retreated to a comedy club after 18 hours of constructing their bullet proof plan. It was Friday night and there were couples everywhere. Nicole and Jess joked that this was the compulsory couple season; everyone either had a partner or was recruiting someone to spend the impending months of winter with.
The décor was warm and inviting, the carved wooden walls and dim lighting put them in another decade. Portraits of the jazz greats graced the walls, coupled with contemporary comedians. Their table was to the left of the stage. Jess flirted with Jack as if they were in their own world. Nicole shared Antonio's glass of wine. Looking at him with bedroom eyes. Her look changed drastically from sensuality to shock when Bill Bellamy took centre-stage to a voluminous round of applause. Cat calls came from the groupies; it sounded like an all female construction site.
"Are you alright?"Antonio asked. Nicole downed the glass of wine at once and smiled reassuringly. Bill's 45 minute set was well received. Although as time progressed, Jack and Jess realised more and more that they were two of the few white people at the club. His repertoire covered celebrities, politics and relationships. Every now and then he would glance at their table. Antonio laughed obliviously as Nicole's stomach turned with discomfort. The side-splitting experience turned sour when Bill started to greet the fans- starting with their table.
"Nikki, I'm sorry Nicole. Long time no see." Nicole gave him her firm, impersonal handshake.
"Yeah." Nicole's short reply came from the awkwardness when Bill tried to kiss her hand. She smoothly pulled her hand away.
"These are my friends, Jess and Jack." The newly-titled goofiest fans in the world, smiled with eagerness.
"And this, this is my man." Nicole announced, relieved that she could nip this one in the bud. She watched the love of her life shake hands with her former lover.
"You're a lucky man." Bill remarked as he mentally "male-gazed" at Nicole's body.
Antonio held her a little tighter around her waist. "Don't I know it."
Jess and Jack took over the talking to Nicole's pleasure and Antonio gave her a look that showed it wasn't over. She picked up her coat and left prematurely, pre-empting the following argument in the car.
"What was that?" Antonio asked, startling the driver.
"I didn't know he would be there."
"You never told me you dated Bill Bellamy!"
"Would Steve Harvey be better? How about Chris Rock? Or Cedric? We both know it's the what not the who that's eating you." Nicole remarked, knowing that their evening would be anything but peaceful.
"Fine. Did you have sex with him?" The driver coughed at the crudity of Antonio's question.
"You always take it there. But you can't handle it. That's why the ex-files should be left alone."
"So he's an ex?" Antonio's questions came out as indictments.
"Yes. In short; I was in Atlanta living with Kelly. We met, we dated, and we parted on good terms."
"So it was a rebound relationship."
"That's better than a rebound marriage…" Nicole paused at the severity of her statement.
To the driver's disappointment; no more words were spoken until they returned home.
The door slammed shut behind them on entry. A picture on the wall of the happy couple shook and fell to the ground.
"You're overreacting." Nicole called after him. "Doing push-ups won't solve this."
Antonio leant against the wall in their kitchen. Nicole sat on the counter. Antonio was imploding, she tried to explain.
"He was a friend of mine. Not that it makes a difference. We have to get over your paranoia of my cheating on you. It doesn't matter who we knew in the past; or who we were. We can't let the past hold us prisoner."
She left the room out of his lack of responsiveness. As she was washing off her make-up, the door swung open. They were looking at each other through their reflections in the mirror. The layers were coming off of her face and going down the drain.
"This is how I feel when I'm with you," she said to his reflection. "No cover-ups, no concealers. Just the truth. And the truth is I love you."
Antonio took off his shirt. Three minutes later, he was naked.
"This is how I feel when I'm with you." He told her reflection. Nicole stripped down until her only clothing was her skin. She wrapped her arms around him from behind and stared at their mirrored image.
In the greater depths of their relationship, lied the powerful metalanguage that existed between them. The words unspoken and the deeds undone were understood. The acting out on the surface was just for show, the intangible bond kept them together. Sometimes the suppression was expressed through sex; the one place where human inhibition could be lost. But this was no indiscriminate sex romp or make-up sex; this was the expression of their inner fear. Tomorrow was Saturday and this may be their last time. Nicole could feel that angst as she dug her fingers into his back; she was clinging. Holding on for life. His kisses were longer-lasting, his strokes felt ten feet deep. The warmth of their bodies was their security blanket.
Their nudity was physical and emotional. Every part of her body responded to his touch and she was craving the climax because it provided immunity from the doubt. The doubt of tomorrow and whose doomsday it would be. As his tongue danced in her mouth, their life and times flashed through her eyes. This intense, pleasurable feeling brought on a poignant memory of the moment she knew she was in love with him.
It was 2.30 a.m. and their surveillance shift was over. Sitting in the car at a drive-in movie where Sadé's Smooth Operator was playing. The seats were reclined and the jet black sky was overhead. Nicole was wearing black sunglasses. She started to fall asleep. She felt three fingers on her face, stroking her face when she woke up.
"Wha…?" Nicole asked, forgetting were she was. She felt her face and saw the sunglasses on the headboard. She was embarrassed.
"You're too beautiful to hide." Antonio said, "You don't deserve to have a reason to wear them." Antonio was referring to her black eye, a gift Darnell had given her earlier that week. Her head was on his chest and she had the most peaceful sleep of her life.
He still had that calming effect on her. But it wasn't working now as they were yelling obscenities and the bedpost was repeatedly hitting the wall. It was times like this that made her happy to be alive. Times when sex and love merged together and their physical space showed no separation. At the point of climax, she knew that it was one thing to make love and another to feel loved; luckily she had both.