Closet Monsters
by TheBucketWoman
Disclaimer: I do not own Life with Derek or anything else I may reference herein. No profit is being made nor is any infringement intended.
Chapter Ten
Part One: George.
Despite what his secretary seemed to think, it wasn't everyday that George got called down to the high school to pick up his son who had just been suspended. Sure, there'd been that expulsion thing with Derek a couple years back, but that had been a bluff. And okay, he'd talked Lassiter out of suspending Derek more than once, but truly, he could count the incidents on one hand, so that knowing smirk on Susan's face was completely unwarranted, and unnecessary.
George was not pissed yet. Much.
Edwin, what in the hell did you do? He wondered. He'd gotten that goblin of a secretary on the phone. The woman really seemed to enjoy being the bearer of bad news, and he could hear the sadistic glee in her voice when she refused to tell him what the circumstances of Edwin's suspension were.
That's unfair, George, he told himself. Don't be an asshole.
When he walked into the building, he felt the familiar bit of fear from being Called to the Principal's Office, as if he were the one in trouble. I could've sworn that I was supposed to get over that by the time I hit forty, dammit, he thought.
He took a deep breath in front of the main office before he went in. He put on his Professional! Face and waited for Ms. Wilson to notice him.
"George Venturi," he said, when she turned to him. "I'm here to pick up my son."
Not bad. Not bad, he thought. Now don't blow it. You are forty-three, not sixteen. Do not bite your lip. Do not tap on the desk.
"Yes," Ms. Wilson said. "We've been expecting you. Right this way."
What would Atticus Finch do? George asked himself.
"Thank you," he said, smiling in what he hoped was a charming I-don't-want-to-pour-water-on-you-and- see-if-you-melt sort of way. She led him to Lassiter's office where Edwin sat, avoiding all eye contact. Kid looked scared.
Scared of what? George wondered. The hammer's already fallen. What's left? A little grounding? Lassiter chased Edwin out of the office so that he could talk with George in private. Edwin didn't look like he wanted to go and George didn't want to be alone in the office with the principal either, but neither had much choice.
"Mr. Venturi," Lassiter began, after Edwin shut the door. "Sorry we had to meet again under these circumstances. It's been a while, hasn't it?"
"Yeah," George said, realizing. "It has."
Derek hadn't been in trouble in months. It didn't seem possible.
Lassiter gave him the details of the incident, sounding for all the world like he wanted to be anywhere else.
"Edwin has been a good student," Lassiter said, finally. "I really didn't want to suspend him, but school policy is pretty clear on this sort of thing, so my hands are tied."
"I understand," George said.
"We'd been hoping to make a case for self-defense actually," Lassiter said. "You, of course, are familiar with the appeals process in case you wanted to do so?"
"I am," George said. By the time he got this before the school board, Edwin would have served the suspension anyway, so he didn't see the point.
"One thing I can do is make sure that this doesn't make it into his permanent record," Lassiter said. "That is, if he manages to stay out of trouble for the rest of the year."
Kid's a Venturi, George thought. Good luck with that.
"Thank you," George said.
"I also spoke to Edwin about the need for further interventions," Lassiter said. "He will be in mandatory counseling with Mr. Greebey, and I was wondering..."
"I've made an appointment with an outside counselor as well," George said. "For Ed, and for Lizzie."
"Not that I think that this was anything more than an isolated incident," Lassiter said.
"I agree," George said. "But I also agree that counseling is a necessity."
"They've been through a trauma," Lassiter agreed. "Whatever I can do to be of assistance..."
This guy's not so bad, George thought. But I don't need to tell Derek that.
"I appreciate that," George said, getting up and shaking the principal's hand. "I'll just take him home, I suppose."
"Well, Mr. Venturi," Lassiter said. "I hope that the next time we see each other is at graduation."
"And not a minute before," George said, cracking a smile. "Fingers crossed."
After he left the office, he turned to Edwin and said. "Okay, you. Let's go."
Edwin got up and followed George out, the whole time looking afraid of being hit. As if George had ever hit him. The kid really did worry too much.
"Did you have lunch?" George asked, once they'd gotten into the car.
Edwin shook his head.
"Okay," George said. He headed straight for the nearest drive thru and got some burgers, fries and a couple of milkshakes. Edwin tried his best not to be hungry, but his growling stomach gave him away. He parked outside the house. It was no fun eating drive thru outside the car. Unless there were picnic tables nearby.
"Mangia," George said, more or less exhausting his Italian. Edwin slowly started to pick at his fries. It wouldn't be long until he abandoned all pretense and murdered his cheeseburger. But before he did, George tried to make things easier.
"So listen, Ed," George said. "What you did today wasn't acceptable by any means."
Edwin put down a fry that had been halfway to his mouth. "I know," he said. "I'm really sorry."
"I know you are," George said. "I wanna say that it was unacceptable, and I should be giving you a lecture right now about violence never being the answer, but you knew that already."
"Uh-huh," Edwin said. It occurred to George that he really needed to cut the preamble and get to the point, because the kid's face was breaking his heart. "How much trouble am I in?"
"I think you've had enough punishment for now," George said. "Except maybe that you'll now have a couple of days to clean the garage, but that's only because the garage is a pit and we need someone to do it—"
Edwin wasn't laughing.
"Or maybe that can wait for the next time Derek and Casey break curfew," George said. "Listen, you did something wrong, but nobody's perfect. You lost control; everyone does that once in a while. You can't beat yourself up forever, though I know you well enough to know that you'll try. Really, the fact that you feel this guilty right now is a good sign. It's something that you'll hopefully remember the next time you're in a situation like this."
"Will you please just yell at me?" Edwin asked. His voice cracked worse than it had in about a year, but George had been expecting it. He knew what was coming. Frankly, he was surprised that Edwin had held out this long. He reached for Edwin, but his seatbelt got in the way. George did that all the time. He'd been known to try to climb out of the car with his seatbelt on. But finally, he undid the thing and grabbed his son, holding him while he had some well deserved hysterics.
George has never seen this out of Edwin. Part of him wondered exactly how long it had been building. The whole three days? Probably, he thought.
After a few minutes, he picked up his mostly melted milkshake and took a good-sized swig of it, completely oblivious to the way that George was watching him.
"What?" Edwin croaked.
Okay, not completely oblivious, George thought.
"Nothing," George said, mouth full. "Eat."
He looked at the burger like it was radioactive.
"Okay," George said. "We'll hold on to that for later. I'd hide it from Derek if you want it, though."
Edwin shrugged, took another gulp, and belched impressively.
"Yeah, I'd give that a nine, easily," George said. Still very little in the way of humor to be found in his middle child. "How 'bout we go inside, now?"
"'kay," Edwin said.
Part Two: Lizzie.
Derek, Lizzie, and Casey paused in front of the door. Actually Lizzie paused a little and Derek and Casey banged into her. Then there was a whole bunch of "Are you okay?" and "Did I hurt you?" in two-part harmony.
"Guys!" Lizzie said, finally. "Take a pill or something, okay?"
They shut up, and Derek moved past her and opened the door, holding it for her and Casey.
From the way Edwin was sprawled on the couch, his face partially hidden by his arm, Lizzie thought he was asleep, so she tiptoed by him on the way to the kitchen. Derek and Casey went by without incident, but as she passed, he looked up at her, and she froze, mid-scamper.
"Hey," Lizzie said, grinning at him. "Sup?"
He sat up, and she got the nervous chatters.
"I thought you were asleep, and I didn't wanna wake you up. Did you sleep? You look a little better." She was lying like a rug, here. He looked way worse, his eyes puffy and glassy. But she pretended not to notice any of this as she came around the couch to sit down next to him.
"Anything on?" she asked.
"I dunno," Edwin said.
"George come down hard on you?" Lizzie asked.
"No," Edwin said. It was a stupid question. He was sitting there in front of the TV, after all.
"Okay," Lizzie said. "Good."
"So you know what happened," Edwin said. It wasn't a question.
"Yeah," Lizzie said. "Of course I do."
"Do you hate me?" Edwin asked.
Of all the freakin stupid questions in this world, Lizzie thought. But she knew him. She knew that he blurted that out because he couldn't stand the thought bouncing around his head for another second without saying something. It didn't matter whether the thought was logical. In another situation, she might look him straight in the eye and deadpan, "Yes, Edwin. You're dead to me." But this was not a day for sarcasm.
"Ed-win," she said. "You know I don't hate you. I'm not even mad at you anymore. I was for a minute, but I'm over it."
"You should be mad," Edwin said.
"Please," Lizzie said. "Like I'm gonna throw stones."
"You defended yourself," Edwin said. "I just hit someone who pissed me off."
"Are you forgetting that I shoved Derek into the wall?" Lizzie asked.
"That wasn't the same thing, either," Edwin said.
"Really?" Lizzie asked. "How's it different? And anyway Rod said that Adam got right up in your face like he might beat you up," Lizzie said.
"But he didn't beat me up," Edwin said. "He shot his mouth off. There's a difference."
"But how'd you know he wasn't going to hit you?" Lizzie asked.
"I didn't exactly analyze the situation," Edwin said. "I just punched."
"Happens," Lizzie said.
"Nuh-uh," Edwin said. "Not good enough."
"Oh, for the love of God," Derek said, coming in from the kitchen where he'd so obviously been eavesdropping. "Should we go cut you a switch from the yard or do you wanna do it yourself?"
"Oh, God, Derek," Lizzie said.
"Nah," Derek said. "You're so hell bent on self—self—beating yourself up, what the hell's the word?"
"Flagellation," George and Casey said, at almost the same time, from the kitchen.
"Really?" Derek said. "That's the one I was thinking of, but it sounded kinda dirty in my head. Anyway, you wanna keep doing that, you just say so."
"Stop making fun of me," Edwin said.
"No, I wouldn't do that," Derek said. "You might hit me."
"Aw, Derek," George said, getting up from the kitchen table.
"Stop it," Edwin said.
"Nobody died and made you Dr. Phil," Lizzie said, under her breath.
"Wait," Derek said. "You mean you're not gonna beat the crap out of me? Even though I'm really pissing you off? 'Cause God knows I have a talent for that."
It was obvious where he was going with that. Even Edwin knew what he was saying.
"Derek, shut up," Edwin said, rolling his eyes. "Or learn some subtlety."
"Boy, I should wash your mouth out," Derek said. "Learn some...subtlety. Ew?"
Everybody stared at him.
"So, if I'm so obvious," Derek said. "That means you get what I'm telling you, right Ed?"
"Yeah."
"Good then can you explain it to me, 'cause I just confused myself," Derek said.
"I made a mistake," Edwin began. "That doesn't make me some kind of monster. I'm not a Neanderthal either. I should stop beating myself up. I'm not usually a violent guy and I worry too much." He ticked each thing off on his fingers. "Did I leave anything out?"
"Wow," Derek said. "I said all that?"
Everyone rolled their eyes.
"Oh and you left out the part about your really handsome genius brother who came up with such brilliance," Derek said.
"Paul said all that before," Edwin said.
"Darn Paul," Derek said. "Stealing my ideas."
"You wish," Edwin said.
"So," Derek chirped, flopping into the little space between Edwin and Lizzie on the couch, forcing the two of them to move back or be sat on. "What's on TV?"
Lizzie, knowing what was expected of her, gave Derek a dirty look. She peeked over Derek to see Edwin doing the same.
"No TV for me?" Derek said. "Get lost, Derek?"
Neither Lizzie nor Edwin said anything, but both kept up the dirty look until Derek got up.
"Nobody loves me," Derek said. "At least until Smarti gets home." He pretended to be highly offended as he stomped up the stairs.
"Bout time," Lizzie said. She caught Edwin's eye. He looked both exasperated and maybe the teeniest bit amused in spite of himself.
"What do you think was the thing that got rid of him, so we can do it again next time?" Lizzie asked.
"If I knew I'd be writing it down," Edwin said.
Lizzie next move was one she was a little afraid to make, but she knew that she had to try it. It was something that she usually did without thinking about it, but she didn't know how he'd react right then. She leaned over onto Edwin's shoulder. He moved his arm to put it around her and snuggled her against his chest.
"I love you," Edwin said into her hair.
"Love you more," Lizzie said.
"I'm sorry I keep making things worse," Edwin said.
"You're not," Lizzie said, looking up at him. "Don't look at it like that. And I thought that apologizing too much was my thing."
"Thought maybe you'd let me borrow it for a while," Edwin said.
Lizzie took the remote and then took his newly freed hand. "Whoo," she said. "Bite your nails much?"
"I still have all my fingers," he said.
"Not if you keep this up," she said. "Jeez."
"How are you so calm?" Edwin said.
"I dunno," Lizzie said. "It's my turn to be calm. It'll be your turn later when I freak out again. Imagine if we both flipped at the same time?"
"Not pretty," Edwin said.
"But it might be fun to watch Derek and Casey run for cover," Lizzie said.
Part Three: Casey.
She made her way to Derek's room and hopped over the pile of laundry he might have been sorting at some point. Her foot came down on a boot which threw off her balance. She finally came to rest on his bed. He sat at his desk and pretended for a second that he hadn't seen the wipeout, but she could see him smiling.
"Not funny," she said.
"Hysterical," he said. "So how are they doing?"
"They're okay," she said. "Vegging in front of the TV. What are you up to? You're not doing homework are you?"
"Perish the thought," he said. But, before she got to peek, he closed a document he was working on that might have been the essay that was due for English and opened up something that showed pictures of cats with ungrammatical captions.
"Aw," Derek said. "This one's trying to drive."
Casey rolled her eyes and her glance settled on some paper that was sticking out of a drawer nearby.
"What's this?" she asked, pulling it out. He got it away from her quickly and they tussled over it, because if he snatched it away that fast, it had to be something interesting.
"Give it up!" Casey said.
"Not happening," Derek said.
"You have to get tired sometime," Casey said.
"Not before you do," Derek said.
"You keep telling yourself that," Casey said. They both came crashing down onto the bed and both had a moment where they couldn't breathe because they were sure they'd finally broken the bed. But it held and they resumed wrestling.
The wrestling lead naturally enough to kissing and, though she figured she'd regret it later, she reached for the paper in his pocket while his defenses were down. Then she wriggled away before he could snatch it back.
"De-rek!" she said, after she'd skimmed it. She hit his arm. Then she hit him again.
"Um...ow?" Derek said. "Are you done beating me yet?"
"For now," Casey said. "You got into Ryerson? Why didn't you say anything? I almost took out an ad in the paper when I got my letter. Hello!"
"I dunno," Derek said.
It hadn't occurred to Casey to ask about Derek's college acceptances yet, because she'd gotten early admission to everywhere and hadn't realized that acceptances were coming. "Did you get in anywhere else?" she asked.
"Uh-huh," Derek said. He left it at that.
"Well?"
"U of T, Western, Carleton," he said.
She hit him again. Then she kissed him. "Dumbass!" she said. "We have to have some...cake or something!"
"We can't do this right now," Derek said. "This is, like, the worst time ever."
"This is the best time ever," Casey said. "Why aren't you happy?"
"I was," he said. "On Friday. I was going to surprise you, but then..."
"Yeah," Casey said.
"And Ryerson came today. Dad left it on my desk," Derek said.
"He didn't peek?" Casey asked. "He must be dying right now."
"Nah," Derek said. "He could probably tell. It was a little thick."
"This, well, this...is baloney is what it is," Casey said. "We are going to tell everyone."
"You said baloney," Derek said, grinning as he allowed himself to be pulled downstairs.