Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
"Endure the darkness, for it will show you the stars." ~ Mandino.
Sakura hadn't known what to reply to that. His words just carried on repeating themselves in her head, still shocking her with their frank sincerity.
"A citizen? But Deidara, why?" She finally managed to form careful, quiet words, sitting down on her knees opposite him.
"I never did finish telling you how I became a missing-nin did I?" He asked, avoiding her gaze slightly, his eyes settling instead on the rough stone floor.
"Deidara are you sure you want to tell me something like that?"
"Think about it Sakura. Who else am I going to tell something like this to, hm? It's not like I've got anybody closer to me than you." He breathed out slowly, finally lifting his head up so she could see his tormented expression. He grinned sardonically, and even though the smile wasn't one of happiness, it still reached his eyes. "Right now, you're the closest thing I've got to a friend, yeah."
Her intake of breath was barely audible over the light hum of electricity and muffled footsteps outside, but he clearly noticed, his eyes flicking cautiously up to hers then down again.
"I think it's time I told someone… And you're the only person I trust."
Sakura shifted a little, moving from her tense position to kneel against the wall, his shoulder inches from her own.
"Alright." She said. "I suppose I can keep a secret."
Tilting his head back, Deidara let out a long sigh. She could see his profile well from this angle, his straight nose and masculine jaw enhanced by the ragged shadows cast by the dim light bulb above them. His eyes were closed, as if he was trying to find the right words to tell her his story. Finally, he began to speak, though his eyes remained shut.
"What I didn't tell you, is that during the Great Shinobi War, nearly my entire clan died, reducing our already small numbers down to single figures. There was a surprise attack on our compound while our best fighters were on missions. Since so many had been called to war, it was mainly just a few elderly people, pregnant women and children left." He paused for a moment, his forehead contracting slightly. "I was one of the lucky ones, yeah."
"By the time I was 9, there were only three of us left; an old crone, my cousin Mei, and me. We were raised as siblings by the village, despite our opposite appearances; she had short dark hair and pale skin, even though our village was so hot. We never developed a bond with the people assigned to care for us, but we were always together. We were both born in the same year, and had the same personal mission; to become stronger and avenge our families. We would train for hours together, mostly taijutsu at first. We trusted each other, which was a luxury most didn't have during those days of betrayal in the aftermath of the war. As a pair, we seemed unbeatable. We were sent on S-rank missions without supervision, always returning successful. We began to learn our clan's most secret justus, taught by our elder. The main focus was on chakra extraction, or transfer I suppose. Using our hands, we could extract massive quantities of chakra at once through the victim's blood. Just a single bite from our kekkai-genkai could see the life sucked out of an enemy in seconds. The technique required close range fighting to get close enough to get hold of the enemy, so we worked hard to become great.
"That all changed once I developed the second stage of the kekkai-genkai. There was a huge taboo associated with it, yeah. The village which had spoiled me and needed me so much before seemed to turn away in disgust. They took me off active duty and placed me in strict isolation. They monitored my physical development and declared me unfit to be a ninja. After that, my chakra was kept drained so there wouldn't be a repeat of the disaster my grandfather caused before I was born. After a year of being locked away, I couldn't figure out why they were bothering to keep me alive. I wasn't exactly a cooperative prisoner. I couldn't stand being locked inside. Even if I wasn't any use as a ninja, I still wanted to live. I injured the guards on so many occasions that they eventually just put restraints on me permanently."
Sakura winced. That would explain his extreme dislike of being tied up. She remembered his fury back at the inn, and internally vowed to never tie him up again if she could help it.
"Finally, I asked one of the guards straight out why they hadn't killed me yet. He laughed. He told me that the only reason they were keeping me alive, was so my clan didn't die out. They were waiting until Mei was old enough, then they would use us, willing or not, to start a new generation of 'weapons'. It was then that I realised that I hated my village.
"I bided my time, going over the chakra-leeching techniques over and over in my mind, hoping I could still pull it off. It was a Thursday when I made my move; I knew they were always two guards short on a Thursday. I complained of chest pains, and given my condition, they believed me. They couldn't afford to lose their last chance at a pure bloodline, so they removed my restraints for treatment. I took them by surprise and bit the guard holding me with my hand. I drained all of his chakra, and used it to escape with an earth jutsu, taking the guard with me. I took him to the ruins of the old compound, where I made him tell me about Mei. He told me she was living in the centre of the village, being watched.
"For the first time in years, I was using my chakra again. Leaving the man unconscious, I went to find her. I used a henge to change into the guard I'd just knocked out, though it took a few tries before I got it right after all that time. According to the guard, she was living in a small civilian-style house, which I wouldn't have expected from her. She always said that when she was old enough to live on her own, she'd live in a traditional shinobi compound, with her own training grounds; God knows we'd been paid enough.
"I knocked on the door, apprehensive, anxious to see the only person in the world I still trusted. I knew she'd be different; maybe more hardened or suspicious- as people become when they grow up, but my expectations didn't prepare me for what came next. The door opened and a middle-aged woman stood before me with a suspicious frown directed at me.
'You're not here to take her for more tests are you? I keep on telling you, she seems worse every time after your "treatment."' Her hands were on her hips and disapproval obvious in her demeanor.
"Stunned, for a moment I wasn't sure what to say to that, before I saw a pale, frightened face peering out from behind the woman. It was Mei, my small, sweet cousin. Her eyes looked wide and empty, as if she'd been vacuumed out and replaced with some timid animal. Anger was bubbling up inside me; they'd been messing with her head, and who knows what else. She had probably protested against the idea of being used to repopulate the clan, and this had been the village's retaliation. I forced myself to remain calm.
'No, I'd just like to check her progress if that's alright with you both.' I said, surprised at my own smoothness. 'May I come in?'
"She led me into a small room with two armchairs, pushing Mei into one of them and telling her to stay put. Mei sat unnaturally still, her eyes unfocused and dead, her back slumped, the complete opposite of her old graceful posture. Dropping the henge, I asked her quietly if she remembered who I was, but she wouldn't even look at me. I called her name, but there was no response. I was getting worried. The officials would have found out about my escape by now, and would have guessed where I'd be; she was my only living relative and friend, so I had minutes at the most to get her out of there.
'Mei, we have to go. I'm taking you to a safe place, yeah.' I told her, but she just stared blankly at the wall. I gave up on trying to get through to her, and threw her over my shoulder. I thought I could make a run for it, before four armed guards burst through the door. One of them kicked me in the side before I had a chance to react, sending both me and Mei flying into the wall. She was knocked unconscious by the impact and my ankle was crushed. They caught me off guard with a short-range explosive tag, giving me that scar on my face, the one you healed. I could still move, but only just.
"My chest difficulties were beginning to slow me down, and I found it hard to fight back, my moves slowed by lack of practice and fatigue. I managed to knock the guards back enough to get to the window, meaning to get away and return for Mei, when I heard her voice, calling my name like a lost lamb.
'Deidara.' I turned around and to my surprise, there she was, sitting up and lucid as she ever was, though her eyes remained full of fear and confusion. "Deidara-nii, take me with you.'
"I'd never felt so full of frustration in my entire life. There she was, the only person I could call my home, and I had to leave her. She was too far away, and I couldn't reach her outstretched hand to take her away from the people who wanted to use her for their own gain. The guards were quickly reforming, with kunai and katana this time. I'd troubled my village too much, and they were aiming to kill.
"Before the guards attacked again, I told her that I'd come back for her, hoping that we'd both be strong enough to wait until escape for us was possible. I forced myself to leave her, jumping through the window and being glad of the distraction of my wounds."
He paused again, opening his eyes to stare at the flaky walls.
"I still dream about it, yeah. Her face, when she thought I'd betrayed her."
He remained quiet for about a minute before she couldn't stand the anticipation.
"So did you?" She was amazed at his composure, his strained face betraying very little of the pain he must have experienced. "Did you go back for her?"
"I did yeah, though it wasn't for two weeks." He shifted slightly and his shoulder ended up pressed close against her own as a result. "I took shelter in a cave about seven miles away from the border, though I still don't know how I managed the journey with a sprained ankle and a back full of shuriken. I treated my wounds as best I could, using my stolen clothes as makeshift bandages. Armed with a kunai and survival training, it wasn't hard to find enough to eat.
"I picked a night when it was raining to return. Though it felt like bad luck, it would make my presence far less detectable, making my job easier. The plan was to grab Mei and run, not stopping until we were safe. I knew it was dangerous, but I had nothing else.
To my surprise, the security around her house was nonexistent, not even a sole guard patrolling the block of houses. Perturbed, I quickly infiltrated the building, checking for traps as I went, but there was nothing. That wasn't all; something was wrong. There were no chakra presences in the house. Not a single living being. Just to check, I opened every door in every room, but there wasn't a sign of either Mei or the civilian woman.
"My original plans no good, I decided to check the village records. This would be far more risky than I had anticipated, but it was all I could do to find Mei. I couldn't leave with nothing.
"There were three guards keeping watch over the building, but they were evenly separated which made them easy to deal with. I snuck up behind each one in turn, knocking them unconscious with the back of my kunai. The locks posed little difficulty, as I had been trained in espionage and stealth techniques from a very early age. The only problem I was presented with was finding what I wanted in the huge mass of shelves containing various scrolls and documents. Conscious of the time I had, I quickly rifled through the shelves and picked up anything that bore my family name 'Kurotsuchi' and stashed it in my bag. Not wanting to spend any more time than necessary in the village which had imprisoned me, I took the bag full of documents back to the cave, experiencing no trouble getting away; it seemed as if the higher ups hadn't expected me to return.
"In the candlelight of the cold cave, I discovered many things. I found out that Mei had disappeared the day after I had seen her. She was missing without an explanation, and not even the best trackers had been able to find her so far. Although I was glad that she had gotten out of the village, I was worried for her safety; there were other people than our village who would use her without hesitation, like Orochimaru or Akatsuki, though I wasn't aware of them at the time. I knew I wouldn't be able to rest until she was safe, but at the time all I could do was gather information.
"What I found next changed the way I'd fight forever. There were three scrolls, each sealed with my grandfather's name. I found a series of techniques, many of them encompassing what me and Mei had been taught years ago, but the last scroll had handwritten instructions on the forbidden techniques my grandfather had used in battle. They were mainly about how to create earth-based explosions, infusing chakra into mud and dirt to create very versatile bombs. While these had been very useful, I knew I could make them better. I spent the next month training, though I couldn't stay in the cave any longer; I had been lucky to escape detection so far given my proximity to the village.
"It took me two days to find a place deserted enough to train, though it wasn't exactly suitable for habitation. Just past Suna's border, I found a small oasis surrounded by sand for miles and miles. Using both the scrolls and what nature had given me, I began to refine my grandfather's jutsu, which taught me how to make the most of my abilities while allowing for my new weakness at taijutsu. I won't go into detail, but the result of my long training is what you saw yesterday. I can make mobile explosives, which can be used long-range."
He smiled, and Sakura released a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding.
"I can even make fireworks, yeah. Really big ones. Much bigger than the one I showed you."
"I'd love you to show me them someday." She told him sincerely.
"Count on it, yeah." He looked sideways at her, his boyish grin betraying nothing of his dark past.
Sakura was still reeling from the story, full of questions and revelations, but one was at the foremost of her mind.
"I hope you don't mind me asking, but did you ever find her again?"
"No. I haven't seen her since the day I left for the first time, but I'm sure she's alive, yeah. Someone with a kekkai genkai as rare as that is just too valuable to kill."
"I hope you're right, I really do. I would have loved to meet her."
"I thought you'd say that, yeah. She would have liked you a lot." Deidara's smile was almost abashed, and he fiddled with the end of his hair subtly. Sakura knew that what she said next would probably not be appreciated, but she knew that unless he went through with it, he was unlikely to live the life he'd always wanted. She knew that if she didn't push him nothing would change. He'd be running forever, elusive and untouchable until the day he was caught off guard.
"I think you should go ahead with the mind scan, Deidara."
His reaction was instantaneous. At first, his entire body stiffened, before his head turned slowly to face her. An unreadable expression formed on his face, and for the first time, she felt genuinely afraid of him.
"After I told you about everything... About my past, about Mei, you still think that?" He had moved so he was in front of her, crouched like a predator.
"It's not because of-"
"Is that the way everybody from Konoha thinks? Maybe I should reconsider being a citizen after all..."
"That's not true! I just know that if it were me in your place, I'd do it." She stumbled breathlessly, hoping he'd understand. "I'm sorry if it hurts you to hear that."
"No, it's alright. I think I know why you still think it's acceptable to poke around in someone's mind." His words were not reassuring. He moved closer to her, so his lips were right next to her ear.
"It's because you have nothing to be ashamed of."
Sakura gasped, because he was touching her neck. His gentle fingers skimmed over her collar bone with no force or violence, but his intentions in the actions made it feel different to the time at the river, or together in the air. She knew that this time, he touched her softly with his anger.
"Maybe I should give you something to be ashamed of, yeah..."
She felt her hands being moved higher, pressed almost uncomfortably hard against the cold stone wall of the cell, but she didn't feel like moving, like pushing him away. Instead she closed her eyes and tried to understand what was happening. She could feel his slow breath against her cheek, and the hot presence of his half naked body pressed so close to hers was intoxicating. She had to fight to keep a clear mind.
"Deidara," she asked, almost pleaded with parted lips. "Deidara what are you-"
Her question was cut off by a hand covering her mouth, and she opened her eyes to find him staring at her intently, the same predatory expression on his masculine features.
"You've really pissed me off, kitten." His gaze flickered from her body to meet her wide eyes, and she realised for the first time just how physically dominant he was.
She made a small noise of protest beneath his hand, her efforts to resist feeling futile against his overpowering wild allure.
"Shh..." He said. "You wouldn't want the guards to come in and catch us would you, hm?"
Seamlessly, Deidara replaced the hand covering her mouth with his own lips, and she forgot what she had been trying to say. She forgot about how much trouble she could get into, and why this sort of thing was forbidden. All she could think about at that moment was the taste of his lips and the electrifying touch of his skin on hers. His lips moved against her slowly, but with a force that made her breathless.
She felt one hand caressing up and over her ribs, and another cupped her cheek, bringing her closer to him and deepening their kiss. It didn't even occur to her that her hands were free and she could escape; the thoughts in her mind were all of how his hair felt so soft and his skin so smooth. The bare skin of his back felt wonderful beneath her fingertips, perspiring ever so slightly. She realised that her legs were wrapped around him, and she wondered for a moment how they'd become so entangled. She couldn't remember moving to encourage such an intimate position, but the feeling of his powerful body between her thighs was one she definitely liked.
Her last string of rational thought vanished when his hand slipped under her top and found one of her small aroused peaks. The mouth enclosed her nipple tightly, teasing vaguely with it's tongue before sucking suddenly, prompting a lustful response. A high, sharp keening sound escaped her and she arched her body towards him, lifting herself off the wall shamelessly.
"Dei-" Her words were again cut off by his recapturing her lips, making her moan into his mouth immodestly.
In the back of her mind, she knew this was going too far. She was letting herself get swept away, and she was betraying her village in the process. She was fighting a losing battle with no hope of getting the upper hand, so she did the only thing she could; she punched him, using a little chakra to send him flying into the opposite wall. She had to make him listen to her. She wanted him to be happy, and if the only way to do it was to pin him down and make him listen then she would do it.
She walked quickly over to his recovering form, determined not to let him overpower her again.
"What the hell Sakura?" He was standing up and wiping his lower lip, which was bleeding.
Giving him no time to defend himself, she pushed him hard in the chest, sending him colliding once more into the wall. This time she caught him in the same hold he'd had her in, his wrists pinned either side of his head.
"Listen to me Deidara," she commanded, looking up at him fiercely. "I may be young, but I'm not so incredibly naive that I don't know what a mind-scan means. You'll have no secrets, no refuge in your mind. I know this. I know that even your most private memories will be dissected by someone else and you can't protect them. I know because I've had one."
Sakura took a deep breath, still holding Deidara's wrists. He could have easily broken her hold by now, but he seemed to be willing to listen. She chanced a brief look at his face, as his silent response to her admission was unnerving.
He looked stunned. His eyes were wide and apologetic.
"I know you have many secrets, more than your fair share of skeletons in your closet, but isn't that worse? Isn't being controlled and limited by your past far more terrible than this? I think that if you went through with it, if you trusted Konoha, it would help you to be free." She was nervous, but her words were carefully thought out.
"You had one? Why, yeah?" He looked uncertain, as if the rules of the game had changed and he had been left behind.
"It was last year. The Hokage's advisors suggested it. You already know that I was on the same team as Uchiha Sasuke. They were insinuating that my loyalties lay with him, instead of with my village." She lowered her gaze, but did not release him from her hold."To be honest, I didn't know the truth myself. If he did something terrible and I was ordered to kill him, I didn't know if I could, but when someone else was in my mind searching for the answer, it came out all on it's own. I was so relieved to know my capabilities, and that I could do what was necessary to protect my important people, my village. I didn't mind that someone had seen the real me, with no excuses, because they don't just see the parts which you hate about yourself, they also see all the good things you've done; all your good intentions. They don't judge you, Deidara."
"You're forgetting something, Sakura." His voice was low and serious. "I've done a lot more bad things than you and I'm not a good person at heart."
"You'll be surprised what you find out when you're looking at yourself through someone else's eyes."
She'd slowly been loosening her hold on Deidara's wrists unconsciously the whole time she'd been talking, so she flinched a little when he took his right hand out of her hold to brush a strand of hair away from her face before settling on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry if I scared you Sakura. I didn't think, yeah." His voice held a hint of regret.
"Don't worry about it." She said, leaning unconsciously into his touch, enjoying the feel of his slightly rough hands against her cheek.
The magnetism between them was unmistakable, and she found it hard to remember what they'd just been talking about, seeing only his lips, still slightly swollen from their previous activities.
"I should go." She managed to mutter, but made no move to do so. She was thinking more about the pattern Deidara's fingers were tracing on the base of her neck.
"You probably should. You don't want to be getting into trouble on my account, yeah."
The blood on his lip from the blow she had given him still remained, so she used her thumb to wipe it away, just managing to keep eye contact, though the glowing blush on her cheeks made it difficult not to look back down at her feet. She was about to summon her healing chakra, when his hand caught her wrist.
"Leave it, yeah." It reminds me of you.
Sakura returned home in time to make Naruto a traditional breakfast, finding blessed distraction in performing the mundane household tasks.
When Naruto woke up, he was pleasantly surprised to find a rather domesticated-looking Sakura pouring tea in her small, clean kitchen.
"This is nice." He said, ruffling his messy hair as he came out of the living room looking like he'd been dragged through a hedge backwards. "Has something happened?"
"Nothing's happened, Naruto." She smiled at his dozy gratitude and handed him his tea, which he looked at with astonishment.
"No seriously Sakura-chan, did you kill Sasuke or something?" He looked at her worriedly before her amused smile dissolved his suspicions. He laughed and took a sip of his tea.
"I thought that with all the ramen you eat, you need a little real nutrients if you ever want to become Hokage."
"Vegetables. I see." His nose wrinkled slightly in distaste, before he gave her his trademark grin and muttered "Itadakimasu."
"Itadakimasu," she replied, before tucking into the selection of plates before them.
After a few minutes of silent eating, broken only by Naruto's noises of appreciation, Sakura thought it would be a good time to mention Deidara.
"Do you remember that Akatsuki guy? The one who blew himself up?"
"Mhm," Naruto nodded, his mouth full of rice.
"He wants to be of help to Konoha. He wants to become a citizen."
Naruto swallowed quickly.
"Seriously? A citizen? No way Baa-chan will go for that."
"She already has. If he consents to a mind-scan that is."
"Ah. That's unusual isn't it?" He returned to eating, thoughtfully chewing his rice.
"Konoha is rather down on manpower at the moment. Deidara could be a huge asset to the village, the information he can provide us with, not to mention his skills in battle. We could really use him."
"You sound like you're making a case for him."
She bit her lip pensively, considering her response.
"I suppose I am. He reminds me very much of both you and Sasuke." She grinned, baiting him. "Only the good parts though."
"No way Sakura-chan! You like him more than me?!"
"Hurry up and finish your rice. I want to train with you."
It was good conditions for training; the sun was clouded over but the air was dry. The field was firm and hard, which would give them a good opportunity to develop their taijutsu.
Naruto looked a little apprehensive about their training session, as they'd never trained against each other without Kakashi or Sai before.
"Ne, Sakura-chan? You're not going to be using your scary fists are you?"
"No Naruto," she smiled, "I'm not going to use them. We haven't trained enough together for it to be safe. As for you... No kage-bunshins or huge summons please."
At this he looked a little disheartened, but nodded in agreement.
There was no starting pistol, so she charged when she felt ready, flipping out two blunt training kunai and sending them ahead of her. He dodged easily, jumping back a few feet and sliding along the ground. She darted to the side and flung another kunai, driving him further back. The second his balance was off she leapt forward, coming at him with her gloved fists quickly, striking like a vicious feline of some sort. His blocks came up fast, and she couldn't quite get a hit in, so she used the momentum from his block to retreat back, coming to a skidding halt ten metres away. She blocked the small rain of kunai and shuriken that he sent after her easily with her own kunai, enjoying the sharp sound of metal hitting metal.
She found keeping up with Naruto easier than she'd anticipated; although everything still seemed lightning fast, she found her reflexes kicking in more than ever, making dodging and blocking second nature.
She was especially surprised at her own development when a trap launched five shuriken at her from the side. The first three were too wide to hit her, so she didn't bother to block them, but the other two were at just at the right angle to catch out of the air, Kakashi style.
"Whoa Sakura-chan," Naruto looked impressed, which both pleased and annoyed her. "You've gotten really good since we last trained as a team. You're so fast!"
"It's just experience, I guess." She shrugged. It seemed that the mission, despite the ordeal that it had been, had at least boosted her skills. "You're still miles ahead of me Naruto."
He smiled at her, and the smile seemed to hold a lot of meaning. She knew that he regretted her always having to take a backseat, but also that he was sorry for how alone she'd been as a result of his training.
"I'm glad things are better for you Sakura-chan. I really mean it."
"Thank you Naruto. I think that goes for both of us though, doesn't it?"
"I suppose it does."
Their mid-training conversation was interrupted by a loud 'poof' and a grey cloud of smoke. It was Kakashi, crouched absentmindedly in the branches of the large tree above them.
"Ah. Training hard I see." Kakashi seemed to be distracted as usual. "It's always good to train."
"Kaka-sensei, did you want something?" Sakura had learned that he usually needed prompting, or he could be vague and elusive for hours. It could drive a girl insane.
"Yes, actually. How perceptive of you." He scratched the back of his head, ruffling his scarecrow hair. "The Hokage sends her thanks and congratulates you on a job well done. She'd also like to see you in her office about half an hour ago."
The second part of the message didn't phase her; she was perhaps too understanding of Kakashi's shortcomings, especially recently. It was the first part she was having trouble getting her head round. She couldn't think of anything she'd done recently to call for the Hokage's thanks.
"What am I supposed to have done?" Sakura was perplexed.
"Two things, in fact." Kakashi's gaze was focussed somewhere above her head. "Firstly, getting Deidara-kun to agree to the mind-scan - nobody knows how you did it. Good work. Also, for volunteering to be the attending medic at the scan. Nobody likes that job."
"I'm confused. What?"
"He agreed to the mind-scan Sakura, and he wants you to be there."
A/N: My wonderful, beloved readers. ^-^ I hope this chapter hasn't disappointed, and that you enjoy an angry Dei-chan as much as I do.
Thank you for all of your support, some of your reviews last chapter made me grin like a Cheshire cat. *Purr purr*
As always, I love hearing from you, even if it's just to tell me to stop being lazy and update!