10.
The light around them starts to change. More shadows appear between the trees. Charlie lets it happen, she watches how the shadows play with the mosses that cover the damp ground of the forest. Bass' leather jacket is warmth against her skin. His chest is wide and close to her head. His breathing has kept her company for the last hours that feel like non existing time. But time slowly starts to matter again.
She can't wait anymore, although a part of her wants to stay here, under the leaves of the trees and next to him, to hide under the weight of his arm. She could linger in the land between knowing and not knowing what has happened to everybody who is not here with them for hours and hours. It is where she can keep some hope alive. She wants to stay in the space, close to him where time doesn't seem to matter anymore. But her family is waiting for her, and no matter what, where and how, she will always return to them. She will never leave them behind. Even if...No, she tells herself, she is not willing to finish that thought.
She wants to soak up the lines of his wide chest against her body, but she knows she can't. She has found a part of Bass here, hidden between the shadows of the trees waiting for her to find behind the mask of his cruel words and steal eyes. But she has to be who she is again, and in order to be that person, he has to become who he once was to her.
Bass swallows when he feels the tension in her body even before she starts to move. Hell, he can't tell her and he doubts he ever will, but moments like these when she shows her strength without even realizing it herself, are the moments that make him respect her even more.
So when she starts to move, Bass tenses up. He wants to hold onto her in some fucked up way but he lets her go. He wants to sit, stare, to disappear in his own misery and raw fears. But he knows he can't. They have to go. It's time to move. Icy dread is filling his chest while her warmth flows away from his body.
Charlie untangles herself from Monroe before she slowly gets up. She doesn't look at him. She can't. The only thing she can do is breathe and find her Matheson strength with her back turned towards him.
She is avoiding his eyes and he knows she has to, because it's the only way she can prepare herself for what is next. He gives her the space she needs. It's what they always seem to do. He is barely functioning himself, the thought of losing Connor or Miles is almost too much. He checks his gun and his knives while she does the same.
But then she turns around. And she looks at him. And when she is standing right in front of him, his chest is only inches away from hers. His jacket is almost touching hers while their eyes close the remaining distance. Her eyes are filled with grey clouds of pain for what they have to do next, but for one rare moment, they are also filled with a connection she rarely shows him.
Bass doesn't know what the hell to say, he just knows he is staring at her and that what he finds in her eyes means more than he can ever tell her. He hopes that the small nod he gives her, tells her what he is trying to say to her.
Charlie notices how his eyes fill with that same deep look he once gave her in the empty hallway of an abandoned school, that afternoon when he had come back for her. She lets the burn of his eyes fill her, before they both know they have to go. His shoulders are close to hers when they start walking back to their camp. And she will never tell him, but she finds more of her own strength in the way he walks close to her.
Miles craves for a bottle of anything that takes away some of the dark waves that cloud his mind. He is sitting next to Connor. Both men are sitting shoulder to shoulder under the shadow of an old tree. They had walked back to their former camp. They had walked through the silence. They hadn't been able to find any sign from Bass or Charlie. They hadn't exchanged a lot of words but both men had felt some hope that they might be out there and alive.
Miles looks at Connor. Connor's eyes are filled with distance. His jaws are locked, reminding Miles so much of Bass. Rachel's hollow eyes that have been hunting him since he had left her with Gene and Aaron, start to fade when Miles' thoughts flow to Emma. He thinks about his promise to look out for Connor that night in Jasper, so many years ago. He had been so sure he did the right thing, when Emma had asked him to help her, hiding him from Bass and walking to the kid all the way to his family in Mexico.
But now Connor is here, and not some kid that has faded into the many memories he is trying to outrun, doubt is there as well. And then he thinks about her. Charlie. Blue eyes and blond hair and stubbornness make it impossible the things he has been trying to drink and push away since the moment she showed up in his bar. More misery fills his deep brown eyes that have seen too much.
Miles thinks about how much Connor has changed and how much he reminds him of Emma. He thinks about her gentle, deep eyes and how she was such a big part of his life with Bass in Jasper. He can almost touch the memories that are close all of a sudden, he can hear her giggle and see Bass' grin. He can almost taste the bears they used to share on long summer nights when life was so different. He thinks about Emma, about Connor, Bass and Charlie and how the hell they have all ended up here, living a miserable life on the road when the whole world has gone to hell.
Connor looks at Miles before he stares in front of him again. His eyes are dark. Being alone with Miles again, brings back too many memories of his mom, the day Miles had arrived in his life in Jasper and all the years that have passed since that day. He remembers the dark broody look in Miles' eyes, the way he had barely talked to him and the way his mom had looked at him with a look in her eyes he had never liked. He remembers the years spent with his family before he had experienced the loneliness of a life on the streets and no home to call his own. He remembers what Nunez gave to him and how he finally felt like he was in control again. Until the day his dad showed up. A father who should have been dad. Betrayal had felt his blood that night, when he realized his mother had lied to him about who his dad was. It had added another invisible scar, adding up to the betrayal he had felt when his mother had let him walk away with a men he had never met before.
Old resentment and new rage fills his blood again, but for now, worry for what might have happened to his dad and Charlie wins. He thinks about Charlie, he thinks about her smile, the way her eyes are filled with fire when she fights and her stubborn strength. He thinks about his dad. He thinks about the battle of wanting to belong somewhere and getting to know his dad and the connection his dad has with Miles, that makes him feel like he doesn't belong anywhere. And for one moment, his heart takes him to that dangerous place of thinking about what would have happened if the power was still on and his dad would have been in his life from day one. Tension fills his jaws while he tries to swallow those thoughts away.
So both men are silent. They wait and think while they try to keep the darkness away from them in a landscape that is filled with deeper shadows now nightfall is close. All they can do now is wait. When the darkness around them is almost too much to take in and the last daylight adds grey's to the horizon, Connor finally senses a change in Miles. It adds more tension to his chest, that runs through his whole body. His eyes follow Miles' eyes to a spot close to the trees across from their former camp.
The mustard gas is gone. The patriots are gone. It's quiet. It's too fucking quiet. Bass is walking right behind Charlie. His blood is filled with adrenaline His weapon in his hand, his fingers wrapped around the harshness of the cool metal. Charlie's hand is wrapped around her own. With every step they take through their former camp, the anger inside of him fades because every new heartbeat is filled with more fear of what they could find.
A sinister silence lingers in the air. The sound of death is everywhere around them. Charlie feels a dark swirl in her stomach when she recognizes one of Duncan's mercenaries on the ground. None of the men that Duncan gave to her to fight this fight with them, have survived. She feels Monroe's hand on her shoulder. His fingers are wrapped around her slender shoulder. His chest behind her is close.
They don't look at each other. They move on, their steps silent, their hearts heavy with dread. Every moment she thinks she recognizes Miles' boots, her mother's hair, Aaron's glasses or a dark jacket that is so much like Connor's, almost brings her to her knees. Please don't be here, don't be here. It's her mantra with every step she takes deeper into the camp.
Finally, she looks up because her eyes need to find his. There is a darkness in Monroe's eyes and the lines of his face that she can feel inside of her. And when her eyes meet his and she isn't sure how to survive another moment, a familiar whistle breaks the silence.
When Miles watches the change in Bass' shoulders the moment he lets out the whistle they have used so many times, he lets out a deep breath that was hiding in his chest until this moment. When he is finally able to move his arms around his niece, the sharp fear of what could have happened finally starts to fade. For now. He just wants to hold her close and feel her hair against his check. His mind is repeating the same thing over and over again. She is alive. Alive. And here.
Charlie hides inside his embrace. But even with Miles' arms around her, her eyes are drawn to Connor and Monroe. She can't look away from Monroe's face when he puts his arm around Connor's shoulder. There is something happening in his eyes. They are softer and deeper. It's like looking at a completely different man. There is pride and strong emotions that reach her heart without being able to stop it.
Miles puts enough distance between him and Charlie to look at her. 'Almost thought we lost you morons,' he tries to keep the emotions out of his voice but he fails miserably, 'let's not do that again, shall we?'
Charlie looks up at Miles before a small grin appears on her face. They both watch how Bass embraces Connor again with pride in his eyes, relief on both their faces.
'Hey Bass..' Miles starts, turning his head to Bass with Charlie still in his arms. He looks away before he looks at Bass again. Bass locks eyes with him. Miles nods into Charlie's direction, ' thanks man.'
And there, in the middle of a quiet forest after a day filled with hell, they find something of the men they used to be.
A small nod and one look from Bass tells both men exactly how much Miles' words mean to Bass.
Author's Note: I loved exploring more of the backstory between Miles and Connor. In this chapter, I wanted to write about their dynamics and explore both Miles' and Connor's side of that story because they are both characters I love very much. I like exploring more of Connor's emotions and thoughts and add a little bit more to his story, as an explanation of the struggles inside of him and his difficult relationship with Bass and how he feels about Emma's decision. it shaped his life for good. Just like Charlie's life, his life is shaped because of a mother's decision. I love that parallel. I know it has been a while since I updated this story. Life has been intense and I have been working on my thesis and graduation. I have more time to write now so that means I can return to this project. Please know how much you mean to me, I love knowing you are out there, reading this story. I love reading your reviews and feedback so please feel free to share your thoughts. I am working on next chapter, and I want to publish a new chapter every week when I can. I am looking forward to returning to this story. Love from Love