Chapter 10

The first few days at Downton Abbey passed pleasantly for both Mary and Matthew. The change of scenery did help prolong Matthew's good moods for the first day or so, but even fresh air and sunshine couldn't draw him completely from his melancholy shell. It was almost a sad reminder to see the grounds he once strolled or rode his bike over from his helpless position in a wheelchair. He began to feel the differences in his situation more than ever.

Lieutenant Phillips made several more overtures to Mary, which were summarily rebuffed each time. She didn't feel the need to explain herself to him, simply to inform him that she wasn't interested in going out with him. It didn't take long for him to catch on to the reality that she was in love with her charge, though whether or not the gentleman in question was aware of the fact was less certain. Drew was only looking for a bit of harmless fun, however, and eventually switched his attentions over to Lady Edith, who, though not nearly as lovely as Lady Mary, was available and appreciated his attentions. Taking a lady out for dinner and dancing served to restore his sense of normalcy after the horror of the war. That was really all he was after. Mary was greatly relieved, and still felt comfortable conversing with him whenever the opportunity arose.

As the days passed, Mary and Matthew began to form a sort of routine for how they spent their time. She would wake him in the morning and help him dress in his uniform before wheeling him to breakfast. After breakfast came their morning stroll in the garden. After that, she would ask him if he would rather spend the afternoon reading in the library, or spending some time watching the other, more mobile, soldiers in their pastimes. Matthew enjoyed watching the cricket matches, no matter how much he wished he could join in. He knew that, each time he watched, he would feel horrible for hours afterwards, but some entertainment was necessary to pass the time. It seemed like time was all he had those days.

Before they knew it, they had passed a fortnight at the Abbey. Matthew's strength was so much improved that he could wheel himself for short distances. Mary still insisted that she push him whenever they were outside on the gravel paths, not wishing for him to overexert himself just yet. He was glad when he was strong enough to have real baths, instead of sponge bathes, which required him to be strong enough to hold himself above the water so that he didn't drown. Much less assistance was required, which went a long way towards repairing his independence. Mary would always be nearby, however, sitting and talking to him from the other side of the screen. He still needed her help to wash his hair, though. He certainly didn't mind, as she would treat him to several minutes of delicious scalp massage, with those delightful nails of hers, that made him nearly purr with pleasure.

One evening, as she carefully rinsed the suds from his shiny, clean hair, she casually allowed one of her hands to rest upon his bare shoulder, something she hadn't been brave enough to attempt before. She allowed her hand to slip, accidentally of course, down to his wet chest as she leaned over to catch his eye.

"Ready to get out now?" she asked smilingly.

Matthew trailed wet fingers along her arm and wrist where they rested on his damp skin, enjoying the torturous intimacy of her gesture, though he truly believed that she had done it unconsciously. Unable to resist, he leaned towards her to place a wet kiss on the skin just below her ear. The smell of her hair sent a jolt of desire coursing through him, causing a delicious tingle in every centimeter that still possessed feeling.

"What was that for?" Mary asked nervously. She could feel a hot blush creeping up her neck all the way to her hairline.

Matthew shrugged, and answered, "just for being you."

Mary looked into his shining eyes and wondered, if she were to kiss him then, if he would allow it. He might have, but she decided to forgo the temptation for the moment. The time would come, perhaps sooner than she had anticipated, but she didn't want to rush things. She wouldn't take that step until she was sure he wouldn't regret it afterwards. So, she, with great effort, pulled herself away from him, crossing the room to ring for Bates to assist them.

Bates was always the one to assist whenever there was a task that required a man's help. Matthew appreciated his kind, though professional, demeanor, and quickly came to trust him and feel comfortable with him. They had even discussed Mary's scandal once. Matthew was shocked to learn that it was Bates' wife who had sold the story. Bates expressed deep compunctions about what his wife had done, and confessed to Matthew that he felt he might have done more to stop her. Matthew was quick to reassure the loyal servant that he had done all he could, and that he mustn't blame himself. Mary was bearing up admirably under the pressure, and both men were extremely proud of her for it.

"You know, she owes much of her fortitude and positive outlook to you, Captain Crawley, if you don't mind my saying so," Bates had suggested.

"To me?" Matthew responded in surprise. "I'm sure I've had nothing to do with it, Bates. If anything, I'm a burden to her."

"I don't think she would see it that way, Sir. You know what they say about a friend in need. You're both in need just now, and you've helped each other along. I see nothing in that young lady's manner that suggests she feels burdened by your friendship in the slightest."

Matthew had thanked him for his reassurances, and was left to wonder how much of it was true.

About three weeks into his stay at Downton, Robert had asked, at Mary's suggestion, that Matthew spend a few hours each day assisting him in estate matters. Mary had hoped that having a meaningful occupation would raise Matthew's spirits and strengthen his self-worth. His mind was still sharp as ever, and she wanted him to have a daily reminder of the fact. Though she hated being parted from him, even for those few hours, she knew it was for the best.

Matthew had always possessed a talent for solving even complex calculations quickly and accurately in his head, so Robert assigned him the task of balancing the ledgers.

One afternoon, Mary slipped into the study and peered over his shoulder to watch him work, only to be astonished by the speed with which he was adding the numbers in his head. Absorbed in the task as he was, he started slightly when Mary placed her hand on his shoulder.

"I'm very impressed, Matthew," she praised. "I always knew you were clever, but Papa never told me you where a genius with mathematics." She directed a pointed glance at her father who was making notes from an agricultural journal on the other side of the desk.

"I'm hardly a genius, Mary," Matthew protested, his ears becoming hot with embarrassment at her undeserved praise.

"Nonsense. It would have taken me ages to do that sum," she argued. "I'm sure your assistance is invaluable to Papa. Arithmetic isn't his strong suit any more than it is mine, I'm afraid."

"My daughter is, sadly, correct," Robert agreed. "I've become decently proficient at adding columns of numbers over the years of necessity, but you, my boy, have a real gift."

By this time, Matthew's face was red as the sofa in the library. It was nice to feel useful, despite his discomfort at the excess of praise.

Mary seated herself beside her father to let Matthew finish up before wheeling him outside for their afternoon chat on ( or, by, in Matthew's case) their favorite bench.

As Mary and Matthew chatted away companionably outside, Robert watched the pair from the library window. He had seen, as he was sure everybody with eyes had, that the two were extremely close, even more so than they had been before the war. He was glad. Both Matthew and Mary were in need of a close friend and companion to help ease the difficult times both were facing. The hope began to form in his heart that he might get to have Matthew for his son after all. Perhaps, at one time, he might have had reservations about the notion, but, after the article in the gossip columns had so severely damaged Mary's reputation, he began to see the merit in the idea.

"I don't like Mary spending so much time alone with Matthew, Robert," Cora's worried voice came from behind him. "With her reputation already in question, it doesn't look good. The other soldiers have been talking..."

"Oh, leave them be, Cora," Robert responded, annoyed by his wife's attitude. "Can't you see how happy Mary is - how happy they both are - when they're together."

"That's what worries me, Robert. I don't know about you, but I want grandchildren one day. We all love Matthew, but I wish there was a way to separate them, for Mary's sake."

Robert turned to his wife, a look of stunned disappointment on his face.

"Cora, I don't believe what I'm hearing."

"The point is," she continued, "that, the more time she spends with Matthew, the less time she'll have to dedicate to finding a husband who will still have her. It's so selfish of him to keep her tied down here when she could be on her way to America, where she can have a new, full life."

"I don't believe it's Matthew's choice so much as Mary's," Robert argued. "If she wants to stay here with him, I see no harm in allowing her to make that choice. As far as grandchildren go, we still have Edit and Sybil to take care of that. I want Mary, and Matthew, to be happy. If that means allowing them to be together despite, the obvious setbacks, that's good enough for me."

"I just don't want her to tie herself to him out of pity, then, later, come to regret that choice."

"I know, Cora. You want the best for all our girls. I understand that," Robert replied, trying to be patient with his wife. "But there comes a time, as parents, when we must allow our children to decide what's best for them. Mary's a grown woman. She can make her own decision based on her own heart and mind, and I'm determined that she will make her own decision in this case. I mean it, Cora. I don't want you interfering with them."

With that, Robert turned and left the room, effectively ending the conversation.

The next afternoon, Robert gave Matthew the day off from working with him on estate business, as he had done enough during the previous week to have matters well in hand for a few days. He immediately went in search of Mary, thinking to ask her to take him outside. He had seen some of he soldiers getting up a cricket match from the window, and decided he felt composed enough to watch.

He was just about the round the corner into the hall, when he heart Lieutenant Phillips' voice. He was speaking with another officer, apparently, about Mary. At the mention of her name, Matthew stopped to listen.

"She's quite a looker, eh Drew? I'm of a mind to try my luck wiv' er."

"I already tried and failed, myself," Drew replied. "Don't waste your time."

"Drew's right," a third voice chimed in. "She's Captain Crawley's girl."

After that, the officers passed out of Matthew's range of hearing, leaving him to ponder what he had overheard. Apparently the general consensus was that Mary was somehow romantically attached to him. Didn't everyone understand that she was his nurse? Well, considering that nobody else had a personal nurse who attended to himself and no other, it was easy to understand how that assumption had come about.

A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

Lady Mary, Captain Cawley's girl.

He chuckled fondly at the thought, liking very well the way that sounded.

Matthew found Mary changing bed sheets with Sybil in one of the former drawing rooms.

"Matthew, what are you doing here?" Mary asked with a bright smile. "Aren't you supposed to be helping Papa?"

Matthew returned her smile genuinely, his spirits still soaring after hearing her referred to as "his girl," however untrue the assumption might have been.

"How are you feeling today, Cousin Matthew?" Sybil asked sweetly, forcing him to tear his eyes away from Mary's face.

"Very well, Cousin Sybil. Thank you," he answered. "I'd be even better if you could spare your sister for the afternoon. There's a cricket match forming outside, and I thought she might like to accompany me."

"Of course I can spare her," Sybil answered, shooting a pointed look at Mary, who was veritably glowing with excitement at the prospect of spending the afternoon with Matthew. Sybil knew very well that her sister was in love with their cousin, as, she began to suspect, he was with her. Never having been one to place much value on convention, Sybil was only too glad to encourage that which would bring the most happiness to both.

"Mary?" he asked, holding out his hand towards her.

"I would be most pleased to accompany you, Captain Crawley," Mary answered with exaggerated formality, taking his proffered hand. "I thank you for your kind invitation."

Once the two had reached the place outside where the soldiers were gathered for the game, Mary parked Matthew's chair close to where several other disabled soldiers had congregated to watch. Several men, who had either suffered the loss of a leg, or where simply still too injured to play, had spread blankets on the grass on which to recline. There was also one other soldier in a wheelchair.

"Lady Mary," a young officer whom she knew to be called Jeffrey greeted her, "won't you join us." He patted a spot beside him on the blanket.

"Oh, yes, do join us Lady Mary," another officer sneered. "We don't bite...much," he concluded with a wink.

The entire grouping of officers laughed at what they saw as an excellent joke, and several others patted the ground beside them, beginning a competition amongst themselves about whom she would prefer to sit with.

Matthew was disgusted with their behavior. He was just opening his mouth to rebuke them, when Mary took matters into her own hands.

Fixing a haughty smile on her face, Mary placed a hand firmly on Matthew's shoulder as she moved to stand beside him, and announced to the group that she had decided who she would most like to sit with.

With that, she shocked Matthew by seating herself primly upon his lap, dangling her legs gracefully over the arm of his chair. She placed one slender arm around his shoulders, before looking back at the other soldiers, bestowing a withering glare on the lot of them.

Matthew was shocked by her daring move. For a moment he remained completely motionless, stunned as he was. If there had been any suspicions about Mary being "his girl" she had just confirmed them for everyone. She turned back to him and smiled sweetly.

"I hope you don't mind," she whispered to him. "I'm not hurting you, am I?"

"Not at all," he answered quickly, wrapping his arms about her waist - to make sure she didn't fall, of course.

Her proximity was intoxicating. He could see every enticing freckle on her flawless skin. The fragrance of her perfume was delicious. He had to fight the temptation to bury his face in her neck and inhale. Just the feel of her in his arms...He felt his heart swell with pride that she had wanted to sit with him like this, even if it was only a friendly gesture to her. Everyone thought she was his girl, and he would enjoy pretending it was true while he could. For the first time in a month, he felt like a man again. If only he could feel where her sweet bottom was perched on his thighs, his contentment might have been complete.

Later that night, as Matthew lay in bed, the brief joy of the day crumbled, once again, into despair. She had made him feel like a man for a few fleeting hours, but it had been only an illusion. He was broken, and would remain so. No amount of make believe would ever change that.

He hadn't cared for the way the other officers treated Mary at all. The way they leered at her, as though she were a piece of meat on display in the butcher's shop window...He hated it. If he had been the man he once was, he would have made them all sorry for it. Mary didn't deserve it. She was so brave, and strong, and tenacious, and she didn't deserve the treatment she received from anybody. He hadn't missed the fact that she hadn't gone to church services since the scandal broke. She hadn't gone into town for any reason, except to attend him when he was at the hospital.

He wished for so much better for her. If only it were still within his power to give.

A/N: I know I took a bit of a risk with that last scene, but, hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained. ;)

As far as timing, we're between episodes 5 and 6 now. I have no idea how to tell how much time passed between the two episodes in the actual show, so I'm guessing a couple months. At least, for my purposes, that's how long it's gunna be.

The next chapter will be a pretty pivotal moment in the story, so stay tuned! Thanks for reading, reviewing, favoriting, following, ect.!