And the fuckery continues…
Ichimaru turned upon hearing his name screamed. He immediately recognized the voice as belonging to Rangiku. The room went dark. For a time, everything was very quiet.
"You're behind me aren't you?" Kisuke whispered.
"Yup."
Urahara swallowed as Gin cautiously navigated his way around the table, taking a seat next to Ulquiorra. The silver-haired fox either didn't notice the reaction his presence invoked or more likely, didn't care.
"How'd you get out?" Yoruichi asked aloud, apparently unconcerned that a vicious criminal was now sitting somewhere off to her left.
"Kisuke," the convict answered.
Everyone turned their heads in the general direction of where they last remembered seeing the scientist. He shrugged off their palpable accusations. "He makes good brownies."
"I make tha best brownies," Gin affirmed. "Here, sniff." The fugitive held up the container he was holding that no one could really see and cracked the lid. A magnificent aroma wafted over their nostrils, heightened by the all-consuming blackness. For some reason it made them all absolutely ravenous.
"When the lights come back on, fill me up again." Starrk's voice came from the opposite side of the table. Then, almost as if on cue, the room was flooded with red light.
"Me too," Shunsui added holding out his cup and doing a cursory glance around the room.
"Oh? I thought you two were finished for the night," Kisuke teased, even as he refreshed their glasses.
Starrk yawned. "Well that's when I thought you were going to rape us, but now that I know you're not…"
The shop owner smiled amiably. "You don't know that."
"I've clearly missed something," Shinji mumbled.
Starrk snorted. "Funny."
"Guess I'll get a drink too," their uninvited guest announced as he set his home-baked goodies on the table. "I need ta make memories enough ta last me the next decade. Or at least till the next time Kisuke breaks me out." Leaning over to peek into Ulquiorra's cup he asked, "Whatcha drinkin', Little Miss Sunshine?"
The green-eyed bat demon regarded his former commander with what could have been disdain, but you could never really tell with Ulquiorra. "A drink called Jack Daniels and a tea that Captain Urahara prepared."
"Oh? And what kinda tea is that?"
"Green," the Arrancar answered curtly, making Gin smile.
"Green?" The brownie baker cracked an eye open. A rare sight.
Byakuya's lieutenant didn't respond, but Gin didn't really need him too. Turning to stare at the back of Kisuke's head, he couldn't help the low chuckle that escaped. That man really was a sneaky bastard. Only he would be bold enough…or crazy enough to feed marijuana tea to a bunch of superpowered men in a room full of half-naked hookers.
"Well, these go with the tea." He offered up the brownies just as Love's voice sounded over the speakers.
-o0o-
Lisa watched as Rangiku practically flew over to a man that looked suspiciously like Gin Ichimaru and tackled him. Momo and Isane stepped over to the bar with Nemu. Mashiro bounced over to an irritated-looking Kensei, and Orihime moseyed over to sit beside Rangiku with the toga clan.
"Yo, I need everyone off the floor. We've got a little entertainment prepared for the birthday girl."
That was Lisa's cue. She sighed, removing her glasses and placing them on the DJ table. The sexy librarian then snagged a chair and began dragging it out to the center of the floor.
"Mmm-mm-mmm." Love teased. Lisa smiled nervously as she placed the chair in front of the two poles. Seemingly out of nowhere, Kukaku strutted up and plopped down in the seat, drink in hand.
"You owe me big for this," the Visored told Shiba, with slitted eyes. Kukaku just grinned, as she watched the barely dressed lieutenant sashay to the pole.
The moment the spotlight hit her, Lisa's heart jumped to her throat. Even though she could hear the excited whispers of her fellow society members and the confused, albeit pleased, murmurs of the men, she couldn't see worth a damn without her glasses.
There was a moment of deafening silence, or maybe it was just that her heartbeat was drowning everything else out. Then the song started with a lone high-pitched tone. Lisa closed her eyes as the one note turned into two. Grabbing the pole she let her head fall back, her unbound hair grazing her bare shoulders. She'd barely moved at all, but the black leather hot pants were already riding up her butt. Maybe she should have gone with the G-string like Nemu and Sui-Feng.
By the time an English woman's voice started singing Lisa had already begun her climb to the ceiling. Being shoeless helped a lot. If it compromised her sex appeal, as Yoruichi had insisted it would, that was just too bad.
In the beginning, she was self-conscious, and admittedly a little stiff. Pretending to be an exotic dancer in front of people you had to see every day was nerve-wracking. Lisa imagined the faces of everyone in the room. Were they disgusted? Horrified? Turned on? She hooked one of her legs around the pole and released both hands, letting her body fall back. Her other leg rested on her forehead in an impressive display of flexibility. There were a few catcalls which she assumed came from Yoruichi and Rangiku. It helped her relax. She slid down the polished brass with the skill of a professional dancer.
When she finally reached the bottom, she quickly swung her body back up and dropped to the floor in a split. Her limbs were beginning to loosen up along with any inhibitions. The shots Kukaku had forced on her when she was getting dressed had started to work their magic. She glanced back at Kukaku, who was grinning like an idiot, and shot her a wink. The fireworks master winked back.
The bass dropped and Lisa wound her hips and gyrated like she never had before. Her arms moved on their own to the infectious beat. Then, she was back up the pole and spinning. First, with both hands, then with one. She wrapped her legs around and let her body fall back, spine bowed almost to the point of breaking. Her eyes closed, she was in the zone. Things she never thought she could do, or maybe just never considered doing, she did. Lisa pushed her body to the limit, stretching and bending it in ways she had never tried.
Unable to help herself, she glanced to Kukaku again and almost lost her grip upon finding someone standing almost directly in front of the pole. The performer squinted a little before her eyes went wide with recognition. 'Starrk!'
He stood there like an Adonis, his face serious and his eyes locked on her. Lisa's whole body heated up. She gracefully jumped from the pole, but continued moving her hips as her eyes momentarily locked with his. She felt like grinning, but that would ruin the performance. Lifting her hand slowly to her face she summoned her hollow mask, just as the singer declared that she was "going in for the kill".
The swirl of Lisa's reiatsu blew chocolate strands across the former Primera's face. He didn't so much as blink. She spun gracefully and sauntered back to the pole, painfully aware of the Arrancar's eyes on her. Her face was now hidden from the audience, except for the brief glimpse of eyes through the crosshatch slits. She could see them, but they couldn't see her. For some reason this reverse-ostrich-defense turned her on even more. The rest of the routine passed in a blur. When it ended there was no applause, and Lisa wasn't sure if it was because she'd sucked or they were too dumbfounded to remember the small courtesy. Her mask dissolved as she stood in the dim red light in front of quite possibly the sexiest man on any planet. Her body slick with sweat, she regrettably could find nothing clever to say and settled for, "Enjoy?"
He nodded. "Let's get a drink."
Lisa really didn't need any more to drink, but she figured sacrificing her liver for Starrk was a pretty good trade-off. "Let me just change my clothes."
"I'd rather you didn't." And just like that it was settled. Lisa would walk around for the rest of the night barefoot in her leather boy shorts and bra, and practically blind. And she wouldn't have it any other way.
-o0o-
The spotlight reappeared on the second pole, and there stood Sui-Feng.
"Holy shit." Love's amplified voice came over the speakers. That was the only introduction she'd get. On a couch across the room, Ichigo, Kira, Shuhei, and Renji's eyes almost bugged out of their heads.
She wasn't immediately recognizable, but it was definitely her. The petite captain wore black leather like Lisa, but the outfit was decidedly more risqué: a monokini that left little to the imagination with a plunging neckline that stopped well below her breasts and a strip of fabric that ran down the center of her stomach. Instead of material covering her navel and nipples, laces crisscrossed them like a corset and tied neatly at the top of her abdomen. The back boasted a lone strap across her ribs and a G-sting bottom. On her feet were platform knee boots.
"Whaaaat the fuuuuuck?" Renji whispered.
"Is that a whip hanging from her mouth?" Shuhei gaped.
It was. The Onmitsukido commander had on a spiked collar, black leather wrist bands and a whip hanging from her mouth for later use. Kukaku stood, picked up her chair, and moved as close as she could without putting herself in danger of being kicked. Sui-Feng was pissed and hammered. It showed. Her eyes were narrowed and her lips were set in a straight line. Humiliating herself in front of her peers was not her idea of a good time. Then, to top things off, Yoruichi had slapped that poor excuse for a costume on her.
Kukaku thought she looked great.
The music started suddenly. A heavy foot stomp and guitar vibrated the tables and Sui-Feng stomped along. Her stormy grey eyes rested on Kukaku's green.
"Who strips to Marilyn Manson?" Shuhei thought aloud as he recognized the tune.
Sui-Feng reached her hand behind her head to grab the pole and slid down landing in a straddle split.
"This is scary," Ichigo piped up, unable to tear his gaze away from the woman who, any other time, was a major boner killer.
With her back on the pole, she finally removed the handle of the whip from her mouth. There was a loud crack and the whip wrapped itself around the top of the shaft. Quickly swinging her legs around and standing, she proceeded to climb the whip as it spun around the brass column. It was really an amazing sight. Once at the top, the second squad captain put on the most brilliant display of acrobatics anyone in the room had ever seen. Her small size worked to her benefit.
"Am I wrong for being turned on by this?" Kira managed to momentarily look away from the show being put on and turned to his closest friend. Shuhei didn't answer, he couldn't. Who knew the biggest bitch in the Soul Society could move like that.
She was spinning by one leg now. The whip was taut between her hands, her back arched at a seemingly impossible angle. She dropped the prop to the ground, grabbing the pole with her now free hands, and flipped down with practiced ease. Hazy grey eyes regarded the woman seated in front of her. The hate radiating from Sui-Feng was almost a palpable thing. Kukaku loved it.
The petite captain reached down with a lethal sort of grace and retrieved her whip. Shiba leaned forward, placing an elbow on her knee and chin on her fist. If Kukaku had any sense at all she would have backed the hell up. Sui-Feng was less than stable on a good day, but she was feeling adventurous. Predatory hunger lurked beneath the cloudy grey orbs as the assassin stalked forward and placed the handle of her whip under the birthday girl's chin.
Sui-Feng winked mischievously, a warning that Kukaku either ignored or didn't recognize, before jumping back up the pole almost too fast to see. There was a loud crack. The only person in the room who realized what was happening was Kukaku, albeit late. Shiba leaned to the side to avoid being struck. She was too slow. Her cheek stung, then bled.
Kukaku's grin widened. 'Bitch,' she mouthed, pressing a finger to the laceration.
Ikkaku shook his head from atop the table directly behind Ichigo and the others. "That's one crazy bitch."
"What the fuck is going on?" Ichigo asked, not really expecting an answer.
"My dick hurts," Renji all but whined. "What the hell kind of party is this?"
"A kick ass one." Grimmjow answered. "I think I'm ready for that lapdance," he said as an afterthought, looking around for Isane. He spotted her standing in front of the bar beside the little, crazy Aizen stalker-girl.
There was another crack of the whip. Kukaku had been hit again. "That bitch is a piece of work," the aqua-haired arrancar announced, standing and reaching to the ceiling in a bone-popping stretch.
Beside him, Yumichika had a gleam in his eyes that Grimmjow only ever saw when the man was really enjoying a fight or looking in the mirror. "Beautiful," the peacock mumbled almost reverently.
"You're a twisted fuck." Grimm grinned at him and pushed Ikkaku off the table, making the man bicycle his arms in an attempt to keep his balance, before turning on his heels and making a beeline toward Isane. He glanced back over his shoulder. Sui-Feng was laying on Kukaku's lap and her legs were draped over the woman's shoulders. "I knew she was a fucking beaver eater."
He easily snuck up on Isane. She was so engrossed in the performance that she didn't notice him until he was snaking his arm around her waist, but by then it was too late. Surprisingly, despite her look of disgust, the scrumptious looking introvert didn't pull away from the blue-haired Arrancar's touch.
"Is this what was supposed to happen? She's taking it a little far don't you think." Momo turned to her leggy friend. "Oh, hi Grimmjow," she smiled.
Isane glared at the little traitor while her attacker only grinned. "So you ready to give up that lapdance?"
"Whaaa…" the busty beanpole paled. She tried to run, but the former Espada pulled her even closer.
Momo snapped her head around. "Huh?" Isane's forehead creased. "Did you hear that?" the little lieutenant asked her silver-haired friend.
Isane's forehead creased. "Hear what?" she questioned, attempting to pry the panther's claws from her waist.
"There it was again." Momo tilted her head to listen harder. "I think Captain Unohana's calling me."
"I don't hear anything," Isane started, but the raven-haired lieutenant dashed off, leaving her alone with the touchy feely Arrancar.
"Momo!" she called out after her friend as her eyes landed on her captain who sat across the room laughing with Captain Ukitake and the rest of the Romans. Isane's eye twitched in irritation.
-o0o-
The spotlight was cut again and Sui-feng disappeared. Kukaku sat in her chair with a half-amused, half-mortified expression. Blood trickled from her cheek and arm. 'I think I've created a monster,' she thought to herself. The dancer only had a couple shots as far as she knew, but it was no secret that Yoruichi's stalker could hold her liquor about as good as she could hold a cloud. There was a very large possibility that Sui-Feng wouldn't even remember what she'd just done. Still, Kukaku supposed it had been entertaining, if nothing else.
Love's voice came over the speakers once again. "Uhh, so yeah. Right. Okay then."
Kukaku laughed. That little psycho had probably fucked up the minds of every man in the room. Hell she'd fucked up her head. The spotlights came back on, bringing Kukaku out of her reverie, this time one on each pole. It was Nemu's turn. Kukaku didn't know what the twelfth division lieutenant had in mind, but it was sure to be impressive. Nemu had displayed outrageous skill at pretty much everything they'd done in the class. The best had definitely been saved for last.
Nemu strolled calmly past Kukaku, stopping to stand between the two poles. Shiba backed her chair up to where it had been before Sui-Feng's dancing assault. The performer moved forward and mechanically placed a kiss on the birthday girl's lips, then backed away.
With a single move, Nemu promptly rid herself of everything she was wearing except her G-string and clear 'stripper pumps'. There was a collective gasp with a couple of squeals thrown in. Kukaku laughed. This party had just taken a turn for the awesome! The shoes made Nemu's perfectly sculpted legs even more defined. For the first time everyone was able to see, and actually appreciate, Mayuri's madness. Nemu was beautiful. Perfect in every way.
Then, the music started.
-o0o-
"That's what the fuck I'm talking about," Grimmjow yelled out like the hoodlum he was.
Isane couldn't believe what she was seeing. Nemu was dancing topless. In front of Captains! Had she lost her mind? And the song…provocative wasn't the word. It was slow and vulgar…sung by a woman all but moaning about being licked every which way.
"Come on." Grimmjow yanked Isane by the waist and led her back over to his previous spot with Yumichika and Ikkaku. The two warriors didn't even acknowledge them as Grimmjow plopped down on the pillows, pulling her into his lap.
"This," Yumichika commented upon noticing the odd couple, "is almost as surprising as that." His eyes were then drawn like perverted magnets to rest on Nemu. Isane's doe-like gaze pleaded with the fifth seat for help that he couldn't bother himself to offer. He smiled sympathetically. "You complement each other," he assured her. She didn't seem convinced. "Don't you think so Ichigo? Renji?"
"Huh?" Ichigo's head turned, but his eyes stayed locked on the sexy twelfth division lieutenant for a moment longer. He jumped back with a start when he saw the very curious scene.
"Aren't they just adorable?" Yumichika smirked. Renji, Shuhei, and Kira finally turned to join the conversation.
Isane buried her face in her palms while Grimmjow laughed. He pulled the amazon closer possessively, pressing his growing erection against her. The red lights amplified her blush.
If Renji wasn't sure he was in the twilight zone before, he was now. He turned away, choosing not to comment on the pair before him, instead opting to savor Nemu's boobs. He watched as she moved her hips like an experienced belly dancer, graceful and seductive. For the next several, slow-moving minutes every man and even some of the women, wanted her. She climbed the pole, not bothering to use her legs, slowly undulating up it like a python hugging a tree. Nemu then spun and gyrated until Renji thought his cock would explode.
The naked nymph flipped upside down, gripping the pole with her thighs and slid, face first, to the floor. Reaching out to catch herself, she crawled out from the pole, letting her legs fall into a split. Kukaku leaned forward in her seat, wishing she had some money. She'd have emptied her pockets.
Nemu's green eyes locked with the birthday girls', and she smirked. It was so faint that Kukaku wasn't sure she'd actually seen it. Then the dancer stood, swaying her hips back and forth, entrancing everyone in the room as she reached between her legs to tough herself.
The bleeding birthday girl's jaw dropped. Nemu jumped halfway up the pole, grasping it with one hand and swinging herself harder than a helicopter blade. There was a collective gasp as Nemu released the pole and propelled herself the twelve or so feet across the room. The second pole shook as she grabbed hold and her body whipped around it. It was a wonder she didn't yank her arm from the socket. The men all screaming their adulation.
"Fuck!"
"Did she just go through her own legs? Is that even possible?"
"Holy shit!"
"I think I just came."
"Did you fuckin' see that shit?"
"I got eyes, fool."
"I tortured someone once by makin' em do that. Never thought I could get off on it more'n I already…SHIT!"
"GOD BLESS YOU, MAYURI KUROTSUCHI, YOU GLORIOUS, GLORIOUS MADMAN!"
In a far, dark corner of the room, a stylishly dressed blue-haired scientist smiled sadistically as he jotted down some notes on his pad.
Isane tried her hardest to ignore the comments present company were making about her friend. Initially, she'd tried to defend her, but that was hard to do when at present Nemu was doing tricks with her tongue that Isane didn't even know were humanly possible. She heard Shinji yell out something about that "being his move".
With a defeated sigh, Isane let her head fall back onto Grimmjow's shoulder. She just wanted this night to be over.
-o0o-
All Kukaku could do was shake her head as Nemu sashayed back to the bar, not even bothering to put her clothes back on. For the first time since the entertainment started, she looked back over her shoulder. Starrk had moved to an empty table, not far from the rest of his group. His head lay comfortably in Lisa's lap. Shiba's eyes narrowed. How dare he attempt to sleep during her party! Ignoring the slight sting from the wounds Sui-Feng had inflicted, she got to her feet with the intention of ruining his little snooze, but something much more tempting caught her eye…Isane sitting in Grimmjow's lap.
With Starrk and Lisa forgotten, she made her way over to the unlikely couple. She grinned at Ikkaku who was still perched on top of the table, unable to keep the video of him and Lisa from running through her mind.
"Hey Ichi," she ruffled the lieutenant's orange hair as she passed, earning a scowl from the boy.
Isane rolled her eyes with a huff as Kukaku winked at her. "I see you finally decided to have some fun." Grimmjow grinned and gave Isane's thigh a hearty smack. Her head whirled around with a start and her face reddened.
"This is some party," Shuhei called over his shoulder to the woman who was, at that moment, plopping down into Yumichika's lap. "Do you think…?" Whatever he had been about to say warped into some kind of choked gasp that the others shared upon viewing their sitting arrangement. Even Grimmjow cocked an eyebrow.
For his part, the eleventh division's fifth seat appeared very business-as-usual about the whole thing. He calmly wrapped an arm around the raven-haired woman's waist while intently studying the nails of his other hand.
"What's happening?" Renji whispered.
"Dude, ain't you gay?" Grimmjow shot.
"Don't beat around the bush, Grimm. Say what's on your mind," Ichigo deadpanned. His sarcasm was completely lost on its target.
"No." Ayasegawa and Kukaku answered in unison.
"What's happening?" Renji asked again, his mind unable to generate anything else for his mouth to say.
"So you decided to give it up after all?" Kukaku leaned forward and grinned at Isane's mortification.
"You're really not gay?" Kira asked, still not buying it.
"What's happen-"
"Let it go." Yumichika didn't bother to look up as he cut off the idiotic redhead.
A high pitched scream drew the group's attention away from the weirdness of the objectionable coupling just as Rangiku landed on the four couch occupant's laps with a perfect dive, pinning Shuhei's arms beneath her, while the other three's hands shot up in the air.
"Heyyyyy," Rangiku drawled. The foursome regarded the curvy lieutenant warily. "Gin's here." she informed them. "Isn't it great? What a birthday present."
"He is not." Kira craned his neck to quickly scan the room in search of his former captain. He didn't see him. "You're drunk," he surmised.
"And you're dumb," she slurred making Izuru frown. "This is so much fun." The blue-eyed temptress wiggled on the boys' laps making them all smile nervously. "I need another drink," she said, digging her elbows into Shuhei's groin as she flipped herself over to lie on her back. He winced but did not protest the movement.
"Happy Birthday, Kukaku," Rangiku sang off key, patting her foot on the arm of the couch. "Oh, did you guys try Kisuke's tea? And Gin brought brownies. They're sooo good." She closed her eyes, remembering the chocolatey goodness. Then, suddenly she froze. Her eyes opened slowly and grew thoughtful.
"Kaku!" The blonde unexpectedly jumped to her knees, perfectly straddling Ichigo's waist, his head wedged between her large breasts. "Let's dance!"
Matsumoto frowned upon seeing that Kukaku wasn't paying her any mind. Instead, the birthday girl was engaging in what seemed to be a very intimate conversation with her chair. "Awww," Ran whined. "Are you about to have class?"
The shinigami at her sides glanced over their shoulders in confusion. A hint of a smile spread across Yumichika's face. He wondered how many people Shiba told.
"Class?" Kira repeated looking for clarification. He was ignored, as was Rangiku.
She bounced up and down in a poor excuse for a tantrum willing Kukaku to acknowledge her.
"Rangiku!" Ichigo shouted, pushing the woman back and freeing himself from her breasts. He paused a moment to catch his breath. She eyed him quizzically. "If you don't sit still, we're going to have a big problem."
"Dude, chill." Renji nudged his friend. "She's drunk," he tried to explained.
The orange-haired boy ignored the tattooed man at his side, his russet eyes boring into Matsumoto's hazy blue. She held his intense gaze. The others looked on silently. Rangiku was the first to move, bringing a slender finger to her pouty lips and leaning in a little closer to the young shinigami.
"How big of a problem are we talkin'?" she asked just above a whisper.
Ichigo, in turn, closed a little more of the distance between them. "Real big," he answered before a devilish grin spread across his face.
Rangiku grinned right back, her eyes narrowing mischievously. "Lemme see."
"You're talking about your dick aren't you?" Shuhei sighed.
"You're such a perv−"
The words were barely out of Renji's mouth before Rangiku was tackled off Ichigo's lap and onto the floor by a flying Neliel.
Rangiku moaned as the Arrancar's bone mask dug uncomfortably into her neck. "Nel!" The blonde flailed about in an exaggerated manner until her attacker finally rolled off her. "Nel, you ruined it." she whined.
"No I didn't," Neliel quickly responded, not having a clue what she was denying. "What did I ruin?"
Ran got to her feet and brushed the nonexistent dust from her clothes. "Ichigo was about to show me his penis." Nel's jaw dropped, along with everyone in earshot.
"I was not," Ichigo cried.
His denial was disregarded. Nel's eyes widened with excitement. "For real? I wanna see too!" At her declaration Rangiku grabbed the former Espada by the arm just as she tried to take her place on Ichigo's lap. The Arrancar yelped indignantly and swung an arm back, smashing her assailant with one hand, which Rangiku promptly bit. Back on the floor they went, kicking and scratching.
"Rip her clothes," Grimmjow cheered. He had jumped to his feet as soon as the commotion had started, along with Kukaku and Ikkaku, who was standing on the table. Naturally in the process he unceremoniously dumped Isane on the floor. She smacked his leg, telling herself that she wasn't jealous. She just didn't want him objectifying women. He didn't even seem to notice.
Nel escaped Rangiku's grasp just long enough to grab the bottom of Ichigo's jeans. When she was pulled again by the hysterical blonde the pants almost came with her.
"Nel, what the hell?" Ichigo grabbed the top of his pants and desperately tried to hold them up.
Completely unconcerned with Rangiku's relentless assault, Nel yelled for assistance. "Somebody! Help me! Doesn't anyone want to see Ichigo's penis?"
-o0o-
"Did you hear that?" Uryu sat comfortably in the corner of the couch, leg propped up. The archer watched, mildly intrigued, as half the women in the room stampeded across the room towards where he thought he'd last seen Ichigo. Chad shook his head absently, slowly swirling the liquid in his cup.
A now topless Nemu had been passing out small cups of the same mysterious green liquid she'd pushed on them earlier. It had taken a heroic amount of willpower to refrain from asking if she could squeeze out some milk to go with the steaming brew. According to her, Captain Kyoraku commanded that everyone drink it. The boys had reluctantly complied the first time around, but now…
"You think it's poison?" Chad questioned. "It made me feel weird the first time."
Uryu had considered that same thing when he'd felt the mild effects of the 'tea'. While there was no doubt in his, or anyone else's, mind that Urahara was nuts, he didn't think he was crazy enough to attempt a mass killing at a birthday party. At least he hoped not.
"Hey guys, you mind if I sit here?" A breathless Mashiro didn't wait for an answer. The bubbly Visored squeezed between the two boys, knocking Uryu's leg down. "I'm sooo tired…and hot," the girl huffed. The two watched silently as she lifted her shirt and folded it over her chest, exposing her glistening stomach. "I'm wet!" she whined, making Uryu lift an eyebrow.
"It is warm," Chad agreed.
"What was all that commotion?" Uryu questioned her, nodding in the direction the stampede had headed. From the look of her mangled lime hair she'd been in some kind of scuffle.
Bringing a finger to her pouty lips Mashiro's eyes shot upward, searching for the answer. "Oh, Ichigo was gonna show us his penis," she said a little too casually. "But then he changed his mind." Uryu's eyes widened almost comically, but he quickly regained his composure.
"Say what?" Chad actually turned, giving the girl his undivided attention.
Mashiro nodded sadly. "Yea. He changed his mind at the last minute. Maybe he got nervous or something." Her disappointment was obvious. "I want something cold. Don't you?" She jumped to her knees to face the larger boy, apparently over her frustration with Ichigo's change of heart. "I can have Nemu make daiquiris…or frozen margaritas."
"That sounds good," Chad agreed.
The brightly colored bubble-head stood, and for a moment both boys thought she would be leaving for her frozen drink, but instead she plopped on the floor, leaning back on her hands and kicking her legs up onto the couch. "Did you like the dances? Crazy right?" She scrunched her face up in a way that, if Uryu was someone else, he might have thought was cute. "I mean, I was really surprised, especially by Sui-Feng." The girl cautiously looked over both shoulders before turning back to the boys and leaning in a little. "I mean, she's kind of a bitch," she whispered almost too soft to be heard over the music.
Uryu tried his hardest to ignore the usually idiotic girl, but he had to admit he'd been more than stunned. Not just by Captain Sui-Feng, but by all three of them. Even Chad hadn't been able to turn away. "I wonder," he finally spoke up. "What could have made her consent to do such a thing? As you said, she is rather…"
"A bitch," Mashiro offered.
Uryu cleared his throat. "Uptight."
"And a bitch?" Mashiro was unyielding. She kicked her feet playfully on the couch cushions. "Well Yoruichi got her to do it as a birthday present for Kukaku." The boys nodded in understanding. If Yoruichi asked Sui-Feng to jump off a bridge, it was very likely that the tiny captain's response would be, "Is a backward two and a half summersaults with two and a half twists in the piked position ok?"
"Where are the rest of your friends?" Uryu questioned, moving to a topic he felt was safe.
"What friends?"
"Hachi, and the others," Chad offered.
Mashiro's face contorted in disgust. "Hachi? Nobody wants to have sex with Hachi."
The archer's confusion was obvious. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I wish I could just take my clothes off," the girl groaned completely ignoring the bespectacled boy. "It's so hot."
"You can if you want to," Chad shrugged. Uryu's head snapped to his friend. "Nemu did," his friend stated matter-of-factly.
The green-haired girl seemed to mull that over for a moment before she decided he was right. She jumped to her feet and quickly snatched her smiley face shirt off, throwing it at Chad's chest. The boys shyly eyed her lime-green bra with little pink hearts.
"I'm free!" She yelled above the pulsing music. "Whooooooo!" The girl ran off toward the bar leaving the boys with her practically dripping shirt.
-o0o-
Rangiku gracefully staggered over to the table, two drinks of clear liquid in hand and a mischievous twinkle in her eye. Her face wrinkled as she entered the dense cloud of smoke that hovered above the group. A pipe that she immediately recognized as being Kukaku's was being passed around. No one acknowledged her presence, as they were deep in conversation, but that was just fine by her, she was on a covert mission.
"It's long…too long. I don't see how he manages it," commented Kisuke.
"Years of practice I suppose." Shunsui stroked his beard, not really sure how the conversation about the Head Captain's wizard-like whiskers had gotten started.
"You wish yours was that long," Yoruichi teased her friend.
"Are you talking about Captain Kyoraku's penis again?" Rangiku questioned, unable to hold in her curiosity and consequently, blowing her cover.
"Oh shit," Gin and Kukaku mumbled concurrently, as everyone turned to face the drunken booze queen. Byakuya and Ulquiorra, obviously feeling the effects of the six or more cups of tea, actually smirked.
The music faded into the background as Yoruichi's heart beat in her ears. She noticed offhandedly that under the lights Rangiku's blonde locks appeared a flaming red…like her head was on fire. Right now, she dearly wished it was. Her eyes moved in a panicked dance from person to person. Kukaku's mocking smirk is what snapped her out of her destructive thought process.
Rangiku, for her part, realized her gaffe almost immediately after making it. If the utterly shocked looks she received weren't a clear indicator then the ghostly complexion Yoruichi's skin had taken on was. Her first was reaction was to apologize, but the impulse was almost immediately erased by the sudden urge to laugh, and she did just that.
With the awkward silence now broken, Shunsui grinned, almost pulling of a look of modesty. Kenpachi, who'd appeared to be rather bored for most of the evening, laughed in earnest after seeing Starrk slowly sneak a hand up in the air for Shunsui to slap.
"Behave you three," Unohana shot a stern look at Kenpachi, Starrk and Shunsui, trying desperately not to laugh herself. She then turned to the bewildered bombshell standing with a half amused, half apologetic smile on her face. "Not this time Lieutenant Matsumoto," she said, finally answering the question that Rangiku had long figured out the answer to. "Is there something you wanted?"
"Oh, yea. I mean no." Rangiku giggled nervously. Yoruichi's murderous glare was making her uneasy. She was definitely going to kill her later. Ran shifted on her feet looking down into the glasses she forgot she was holding, suddenly remembering what she'd come over for in the first place. She giggled again looking down at Kisuke's head. He looked funny with red hair. Then, with a quick glance in Kukaku's direction, she dumped the contents of her cups into the scientist's lap.
Kisuke let out a yelp, almost jumping from his seat. "Oh my gosh! I am soooo sorry." Rangiku promptly knelt down and began brushing the liquid from Kisuke's toga as if it were crumbs.
The scientist laughed uneasily. "It's fine. It's fine." He tried to grab her hand, but the girl was determined. "It was just water right?" he asked, snatching a pillow from under him and putting it in his lap, once Rangiku's touch became more of a grope.
"That was definitely on purpose," Starrk noted.
"Don't get whatever that was all over my pillows Kisuke!" Yoruichi complained as she got to her feet, somewhat grateful for the sudden shift of focus. "Come on I'll give you something to change into."
Her best friend grinned. "No it's fine. It'll dry."
The woman of the house put a tiny hand on her hip. "So you're just gonna sit there and stay wet?"
Rangiku shrugged. "I do it all the time. It's not a big deal." Kukaku cackled loudly slapping a grinning Shinji on the back. Yoruichi ignored the lewd comment and stared at her grey-eyed friend. His smile grew goofier by the minute.
"What do you have on under there?" she asked suspiciously.
"Nothing." He answered simply.
At his declaration, Kukaku abruptly jumped to her feet, knocking the table and making everyone scramble to steady their drinks. "Rangiku!" she exclaimed. "You're a genius."
Rangiku grinned. "I know. But for the sake of those who aren't, what are we talking about?"
Shiba looked around the table, letting her eyes rest on each man seated there. "Yo, hit the lights. I need to be able to see."
Yoruichi sighed. "For what?"
The birthday girl grinned, before shouting at the top of her lungs. "WET TOGA CONTEST!"
-o0o-
"I don't want to do this." Starrk glanced about, wondering absently where the spotlights had come from. Buckets of water lined the right side of the flower bed. Every person with a cock had been herded outside like cattle, and lined up in the middle of the garden. Even Ulquiorra and Kuchiki were in line. Of course, Byakuya had vehemently refused. Initially. But after speaking with the smiling Unohana for no more than a minute or two, both the noble and his pale-faced lieutenant had glided their haughty asses right in line with everyone else. 'That Captain sure is persuasive,' he thought to himself.
Those without togas were given white sheets, of which Yoruichi apparently had an endless supply. Shinji and Shunsui were also forced to change. "We won't be able to see through that." Shiba had declared.
"Is this really fair?" Nanao asked, pulling her glasses to the edge of her nose and casting a measuring look at Toshiro Hitsugaya. The small tenth division captain stood beside a hulking Kenpachi. "He's so little," she commented thoughtfully.
Toshiro's eyes narrowed in rage, stepping out of line to give the bespectacled lieutenant a piece of his mind.
"Captain Hitsugaya." The voice was small and the tone, warm. Toshiro froze as the demonic fourth squad captain gave him a little shake of her head. "Would you please refrain from stepping out of formation?"
He nodded in terror, then quickly stepped back in line.
"It's not a question of fair," Lisa explained. "This is purely for our pleasure."
"I'm not a piece of meat," Ichigo complained.
"You're absolutely right," Kukaku agreed. "But you all have meat. Beautiful dangling sausages between your legs, and I want to see them. Can you really blame me?" The glint in her eye was that of a madwoman. Ichigo and Renji took a cautious step back. "But, for now I'll be content to watch you prance around like show horses. Do a trick or two. Prove your worth. Your only purpose in life is to please me." She grinned at the flabbergasted faces. "It's my birthday bitches!" She raised her hands triumphantly in the air and her followers applauded approvingly.
"She's fucking crazy, I want to go home," Ichigo whispered to his redheaded neighbor.
"Ok, everyone grab a bucket." Rangiku gyrated to the beat of the music that still pumped inside the house. The ladies cheerfully complied.
"We may need a hose," Unohana noted as she appraised the line of men.
"Well, we'll find out in a minute." Rangiku hefted two buckets and took the spot in front of Uryu, Renji and Ichigo. She gave the boys a wink just as Kukaku yelled for everyone to ready their buckets.
"Get set," Shiba grinned.
Uryu stared down at his less than fashionable outfit. Its only redeeming quality being that it was white. He hadn't had time for even a quick alteration. To his side he saw the genuine panic rising within Ichigo. The archer reached up to remove his glasses right as Kukaku yelled. "Now!"
The sound of water splashing was followed by gasps and cries and curses. Yoruichi had seen to it that the water was as cold as it could be.
"It's not enough!" Rangiku shouted. "Bring in the hose!" Lisa, who'd been on standby, immediately stepped up.
The Visored raised her hand. "In position." That was Nanao's cue. The lieutenant cut the water on with a small satisfied smirk. Yells and more curses rose above the laughter of the women.
"My hair," Yumichicka cried as he raised his hands to shield his head.
"This is bullshit." Grimmjow all but growled.
Seconds later, it was over. Isane eyed a now dripping wet Izuru and Rose and mouthed her apologies, being sure her eyes didn't stray down.
"Awww!" Rangiku's voice rang out. "They have on underwear. I can't see the good stuff."
"I can." Orihime stood unmoving, bucket dangling from her dainty hand. Before her was a slightly shivering Ukitake, an indifferent Shunsui, and a casually whistling Kisuke. She watched wide-eyed as the scientist reached up and ran his fingers through his hair, removing the pale blond locks that were plastered to his face. With her peripheral vision, she saw Starrk bend slightly forward and shake, not just his head, but every inch of his body. Like a dog.
"Alright everyone," Kukaku announced. "Drawers off!" A chorus of protests followed the demand. "And don't go look at Kisuke," she snapped at a creeping Rangiku.
"Dammit!" the blonde stomped at being caught. "Why don't you pay more attention to what you're doing, and less to what I'm doing."
"If you were doing what you were supposed to be doing, I would."
"I hate you," the voluptuous vixen pouted, but moved back to her spot in front of Ichigo and the Quincy.
"Drawers off," Mashiro sang, before doing a happy little wiggle.
Kaku glared expectantly at the row of drenched men, none of which made an effort to follow her instructions. "We can wait here all night," she told them with a smirk. "But just know, the longer you make us wait, the worse this will be."
"Resistance is futile," Mashiro declared.
Her statement was true, but no one moved a muscle until the gentle-natured fourth squad captain coaxed them with a small taste of her oppressive reiatsu. "Please comply," she asked simply. It was barely enough to harm an ant really, but it proved to be enough.
The women watched hungrily as the men were forced to discard the only thing shielding them from the appraising eyes of the sexually depraved mob. The party was now a full blown freeballing festival.
Shiba grinned. She really was beginning to love Retsu. "Wet them down one more time for good measure." Lisa nodded and seconds later the poor souls were being doused with water again.
"Holy hell," Rukia whispered to herself. She wanted to cover her eyes. This was wrong on so many different levels. To her left Isane blushed furiously. At the end of the line Orihime and Momo squealed. Nanao turned her back unable to handle the abundance of man meat.
"Whooooooohoooo!" Rangiku and Yoruichi slapped high fives.
"This is so fucked up," Grimmjow snarled as their dripping underwear was collected and their names written on the tags like children.
"Hey!" Ichigo yelled as he watched Nel retreat into the house carrying the assortment of undergarments. "Where the hell do you think you're taking those?" Nel spun around cautiously, not wanting to drop any of her precious cargo. They would be great keepsakes. Maybe they could auction them off to the highest bidder.
"Don't worry about what she's doing. You worry about your little soldier there," Kukaku smiled, her eyes moving down to rest on the boy's crotch. Ichigo's face reddened.
"I got your little," he spat.
"You tell her Ichigo!" Kisuke encouraged from the other end of the line.
The boy scowled, but amusement danced in his eyes. "You shut up, freak!"
Once Nel returned, Kukaku plopped down in the grass. The rest of the women followed her lead. "Let's start from this end." She pointed to Kensei, who scowled. Then, turning to her underlings, her expression became serious. "And I don't want to see any of you turning away, or acting like little bubble-headed virgins." Her eyes moved from Nanao, to Rukia and lastly Isane. The girls frowned. "Chill," Shiba ordered. "They're just dicks. They won't hurt you," she grinned. "Not from over there anyway."
The group nodded, then steeled themselves for what was to come.
"Can we at least have drinks?" Isane asked. "Maybe some more of that tea." A topless Nemu was up before Kukaku could respond. Damn, that girl was efficient.
"Alright Kensei," Yoruichi grinned. "Show us what you got." She then turned in the direction their bartender had gone. "Nemu, cue the music up while you're in there! Oh, and set up the camera." she yelled as an afterthought.
"Camera?" Toshiro's voice boomed.
Kukaku grinned. "Hell yea! I need footage of this."
-o0o-
"What the hell am I supposed to do?" Kensei stood in front of the gawking ladies, scowl firmly in place. Surprisingly, he didn't seem too concerned about being so exposed in front of such a large group, but with that huge 69 on his chest Kukaku supposed he probably wouldn't be.
Shiba shrugged. "Amuse me." She reached out to grab the glass that was being handed to her by Nemu. "But I gotta say, you're starting off pretty good." Her eyes traced every inch of his body, only coming to a stop once they reached his groin. "Nice and thick," she commented with an approving nod, ignoring the slap she received from Yoruichi. Kensei rolled his eyes in annoyance.
"Kill me now," Ichigo whined.
Just before the Visored leaned down to pull his zanpakuto from his boot, Kukaku jumped to her knees, leaning forward on her hands. "Is that a piercing?" she screeched. Her eyes narrowed, straining to activate her dormant x-ray vision. Those damn sheets were too thick.
Kensei stood and spun the blade around his finger. "Hey," he snapped. "Eyes up here." The wakizashi pointed to his angular face. Kukaku's gaze lingered on the drenched white sheet that clung to his manhood and what looked like a silver ball, a moment longer before finally looking up.
"Is that a piercing?" she asked again.
"I'll show you later," he answered seriously, leaving Kukaku to wonder if that was really what she wanted. "Now stand up," Kensei demanded. The group on the ground exchanged wary glances.
"Me," Kukaku pressed her glass to her chest, finally starting to feel the effects of all the drinks she'd had.
Kensei shrugged. "You, whoever…it doesn't matter." Mashiro jumped to her feet, but her former captain stopped her before she could volunteer.
"You go Kaku. It's your birthday." Yoruichi nudged her friend, who surprisingly passed the job on to a more than willing Rangiku. The rather modestly dressed sex symbol jumped to her feet enthusiastically.
"Will you show me later too?" She grinned at Kensei who was really starting to get irritated.
"No," he answered flipping the blade in his hand. "Now stand over there and don't move." His assistant frowned, but did as she was told. Moving to stand in the middle of the garden she faced the tattooed man. "Alright," he said, and then he was gone. She squealed, but only because the movement was too fast for her impaired vision. Not a second later, he reappeared behind her.
Rangiku cracked an eye open. She wasn't bleeding and she felt fine.
"Boooo Kensei, that trick sucked." Mashiro jumped to her knees giving the white-haired performer two thumbs down.
A surprised yelp from Ran took all the attention away from the green-haired Visored as her shirt fell to the ground in shreds. She turned to Kensei, who was just sheathing his blade. "Impressive blade work" she complimented, not at all phased by the fact that she was now topless.
"Cute bra," Yoruichi offhandedly pointed out. Throwing her hands behind her head, Matsumoto struck her best bombshell pose.
"It was pretty good," Kukaku finally acknowledged. Kensei shrugged indifferently before taking his place at the back of the line. Turning to face the rest of the women, Kukaku asked them, "So what did you guys think?
"It was alright I guess," Lisa shrugged. "His package impressed me more than the performance." A few of the ladies nodded in agreement. "I say a seven out of ten."
"Is that cool with everyone?" Kukaku asked. Most of the women nodded, but a few still stared blankly at the line of Roman beefcakes. "Seven it is then. Next!" she yelled out, bobbing her head to the music.
When it came time for Uryu, Byakuya, and Ulquiorra's respective turns they simply stood there, refusing to even acknowledge the group of women eyeing them hungrily. Despite this, both Captain Kuchiki and his lieutenant received nines, and Uryu a seven. Apparently glaring was sexy. Yumichika, on the other hand, didn't glare. He gracefully flung his hair over his shoulder, before telling the group that they should feel privileged that he was allowing them to admire his beauty in such a way. His surprising size partnered with his less than rousing performance earned him a seven.
It didn't really get interesting until it was Rose's turn. He stepped forward and calmly requested one of the buckets be filled with water, which Lisa promptly did. The lanky blonde Visored then lifted the bucked above his head, dumping the contents on himself. Dramatically discarding the bucket, he shook his luxurious locks.
The group sat silently in the grass, stunned. Rose had a body like Byakuya, toned from decades of training, but not overly muscular. Rukia couldn't help but think of her and Orihime's escapade in Captain Kurotsuchi's bathroom. What was it about being wet that made a man five times more appealing? Suddenly, there was an outbreak of applause and whistles.
"Nine!" Orihime shouted. A few others nodded dumbly in concurrence.
"What?" Renji jumped from the line. "That," the redhead pointed cynically at his competition, "Gets a nine?" Before anyone could answer, Renji had grabbed a bucked of his own and filled it with water. "Watch this."
The tattooed captain snatched out the tie that held his hair in its signature pineapple letting crimson locks fall down his back and around his face. "I got your 'nine'." he said, pointing to Orihime. The loud splash was followed by a second of silence that turned into gasps and squeals. Renji's toga, which already hung dangerously low on his tattooed waist, loosened under the weight of the added water.
"It's amazing," Isane whispered, unconsciously sitting forward. With his hair in that stupid ponytail, Renji was cute enough, but with his hair down…
"TEN," Nel shrieked, jumping to her feet and practically trampling a few of her comrades to get a closer look.
"Definitely a ten," Orihime seconded, wide-eyed.
Rukia observed her friend with confusion. When had the young girl become so enthusiastic about things that didn't directly relate to Ichigo?
Orihime turned to her friend who was already staring at her with an unreadable expression. "Rukia, do you see this?" She pointed to the now flexing Renji. "I can't believe you would keep something like this from me." Her eyes had the nerve to be sad. "I thought we were friends."
Rukia's mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. "Huh?" was all she managed to get out before Grimmjow jumped from the line, officially starting the pose off. Within seconds Ikkaku, Shuhei, Kira, and Ichigo had broken formation as well, each of them striking poses to best show off their perfectly sculpted bodies. It was pandemonium. Every woman jumped from the ground to either cheer for or gawk at their favorite.
The order that Unohana had worked so hard to maintain fell apart in an instant. Toga clad men and screaming women were everywhere. Most were gawking at Renji and hadn't even noticed that those who weren't participating in the who-has-the-best-delts-contest, were quietly slipping out of line and heading towards the house.
"I win," Renji announced arrogantly. "The hair gets em' every time."
"Fuck that," Grimmjow snarled, posturing to show his chiseled abs.
"Hey, Kaku." Rangiku inched towards Kukaku who stood not too far away from the Mr. Soul Society contest. "Let's do body shots." Her grin was devious.
"What about the contest? We didn't pick a winner." The one-armed woman couldn't help but be a little disappointed. While she had gotten a chance to ogle every single last goodie that had been before her, she wanted to see their shitty performances. That was half the fun.
The two turned just in time to see Renji swing his hair over his shoulder and out of his face, splashing those close with water. "Renji wins," Rangiku and Kukaku announced in unison, ignoring the protests from Grimmjow and Ikkaku. The lady of the evening shrugged. "Shock value," she explained.
Kisuke's voice rose above the noise. "How could someone as sexy as me not win?" The shit-eating grin should have been an indication that the scientist was up to something, but no one noticed amidst the chaos until Rangiku's high-pitched scream tipped them off. This in turn started a chain reaction. Women began dropping like flies as if being picked off by an unseen assailant. Yoruichi and Unohana could do nothing, but watch in confusion as their "sisters" fell one by one with either an idiotic grin or white-faced horror.
Through the insanity Yoruichi spotted the cause. In the middle of the yard stood her best and oldest friend Kisuke Urahara, bare as the day he was born. The pose-off had been halted abruptly. All conversations stopped. Nobody moved. The scientist ran his fingers through his damp hair, his patented goofy smile was strangely absent.
"I win," he announced to all who managed to remain conscious in the presence of his particular brand of charm.
"How'sat?" Gin questioned with his ever present smirk. "Ya can't win a toga contest if ya ain't wearin' a toga. That ain't how it works."
The silly grin finally made its appearance. "Shock value," Kisuke answered.
-o0o-
It was official Isane was drunk, or at least she thought she was. She remained lucid enough to know what was going on around her, but she felt great. Too great. She wasn't stumbling around like Sui-Feng, but the second squad captain could get drunk off of one beer. She was a featherweight, as Kukaku called her. Nemu had kept a cup, either of some form of alcohol or Kisuke's tea, in her and everyone else's hand at all times. It was honestly the first time she'd knowingly allowed herself to indulge so much. She finally understood the hype.
For the first time that night Isane was calm, really calm…even with Grimmjow hanging all over her. It was disconcerting, but she found that she really didn't mind the loudmouth brute that much. He was nice to look at, and she found that it was fairly easy to tune him out most of the time. Just nod and smile.
"Yo, Legs." Kukaku strolled up. Her eyes were low and red. Isane turned slowly, completely expecting to be harassed or insulted again.
"Got a minute?" Shiba absently eyed Grimmjow whose arm was comfortably slung over the lieutenant's shoulder. The former Espada was having a very animated conversation with Ikkaku about the debatable outcome of the wet toga contest, and therefore barely noticed when Isane stood and followed the birthday girl.
Rangiku and Yoruichi stood in front of the bar whispering suspiciously. Isane hesitated, eyes darting around nervously. "If you three are plotting on me again, I'm leaving." she declared, surprising herself. Kukaku turned around and smirked.
"Finally showing some balls?" Isane didn't answer, just moved past the one-armed woman and continued toward the bar. "Good." Kukaku's smirk grew into an all-out grin as she followed the skyscraper that was Isane.
"So legs, you having fun?" Yoruichi's golden-eyes were glazed just like Kukaku's.
Isane shrugged. "I suppose."
The shape-shifter laughed. "You and Grimmjow seem to be getting along nicely."
Isane couldn't help but roll her eyes. So what if it was true. Kukaku ignored the look that bordered on hate as she strolled up and threw an arm around the young'un's shoulders. "Did you actually want anything?" the beautiful giant asked, uncharacteristically curt.
"We just wanted to invite you to take some shots with us," Rangiku said defensively.
The silver-haired lieutenant looked to each of them disbelievingly. That couldn't be all they wanted. And even if it was, she didn't want or need to take any shots. One more drink would probably send her over the edge, plummeting her into a drunken abyss. "No thank you," she finally answered, turning on her heel.
"Awwwww," Rangiku whined poking her lips out in the way that usually reduced men to mush. "Come on Isane. Pleeeeeeeease." She tried to ignore the whimpering blonde, but apparently that lethal pout didn't only work on men. To Isane's displeasure, it was working on her as well.
The healer rolled her eyes before sighing, "Fine, but just one."
"Two," Yoruichi bargained. Isane's eyes narrowed. "Come on, you're not even that drunk."
"How do you know how drunk I am?"
"That's drunk." Kukaku pointed across the room to Sui-Feng who was, unbeknownst to Gin, Ulquiorra and Byakuya, under their table.
"She must be trying to look under Gin's skirt," Rangiku surmised.
"No less than two," Yoruichi repeated to the towering woman.
Isane's gaze moved to each of her tormentors. They were eagerly awaiting her answer. If she said no, would she regret it later? Most likely. Perhaps it would save her a lot of heartache to just give in to their pressuring. She sighed, reluctantly giving in and making three very happy drunks.
"Okay." Ran jumped up onto the bar and crossed her legs seductively. "Who do you want to take one with?"
"Huh?" Isane questioned. "Aren't we all doing it?"
"Yea, but we're doing it with a partner," Rangiku giggled at the implication.
'This is a trick,' Isane thought as Nemu placed four shot glasses on the bar beside the busty lush. Although the twelfth squad lieutenant had been topless for half the night by this point, Isane couldn't help the blood that rushed to her face. She wished her friend would put a shirt on, for all their sakes.
"I'll do it with you," Ran offered after the blushing woman didn't respond. She hopped down and patted the bar with her hand, motioning for Isane to sit.
The bashful lieutenant began to back away cautiously. "Why do I have to get up there?"
Rangiku hopped down and grabbed the girl's arms before she could successfully flee. Isane's flailing unknowingly drew attention to her situation. Despite having almost a foot of height on Yoruichi, the older and stronger shinigami stepped in and hauled her onto the bar with ease. A bowl of sliced oranges and a container of sugar were placed at Isane's side.
"Nemu," Isane whispered to her friend, her voice trembling. "What's going on?"
"Body shots."
Before the grey-eyed medic could question what a body shot was she was startled by the sudden feeling of freedom. The two pieces of fabric that she thought had been tied securely behind her neck, were now falling down her bosom. She noted, with growing horror that she should have done a preemptive double knot. Quickly lifting her hand to her bosom, she caught the falling garment before she was exposed further. Matsumoto was grinning.
"Wha…what are you doing?" Isane stammered. Every attempt she made to jump down from the bar was blocked. They were going to strip her naked and bring Grimmjow over to sexually humiliate her, she just knew it. Everyone would look on in disgust and she would be forever labeled a fornicating trollop…a brazen hussy. He would pummel her without mercy, her boobs flapping embarrassingly, while flexing his perfect biceps and grinning maniacally. Kukaku would tape it and sell it all over Soul Society, maybe even the human world. Isane wouldn't even get any royalties!
"Shut up and lay down." Yoruichi's brown hand reached in pushing the terrified girl back as Ran pulled her legs up and on the bar.
"NO!" Isane screeched, craning her neck to see if anyone was coming to help. They weren't. She doubted they could even hear her over the pumping music and the dim red lights concealed the assault from the other partygoers.
"Oh, for fucks sake," Kukaku huffed unable to take anymore. "We're not trying to rape you."
"Yes you are." That's when the tears started to stream.
Rangiku jumped onto the bar, straddling her victim. "Uhhhh, you guys. She's crying."
"What the hell, Isane?" Yoruichi resisted the urge to shake the young shinigami. "Why are you crying?" Isane wiped her eyes embarrassed, but the tears kept falling. "Why are you crying," Yoruichi asked again. "Nobody's hurting you are they?"
Isane shook her head.
"So why are you crying?"
"I don't know," she whimpered humiliated. It was true. She had no idea what was wrong with her. Just moments before, she'd been comfortably existing in Grimmjow's presence, and now she was blubbering like an idiot…in front of Kukaku. She was overreacting and she knew it. Was she really that uptight? A prude? If so that put her in direct violation of the society's bylaws. That meant Yoruichi would torture her. She let out a whimper and tried to prepare herself for what, she had no doubt, was coming.
"Ahhh!" The teary eyed lieutenant squeaked when she felt her jumper being pulled down even further, exposing her stomach. Her eyes widened comically when she felt something warm between her breasts. Grey orbs darted from Yoruichi to Ran, who was now sprinkling sugar, in her cleavage.
"Hold this in your mouth." The blonde held an orange slice up to Isane's lips, which she parted unthinkingly. "Okay, you ready."
Isane couldn't think, so she stared dumbly at her fellow lieutenant. One of the shots was poured into her navel. Then, with a quick wink, Rangiku's head dipped between her friends breasts. She skillfully licked up every grain of sugar, smiling when the woman beneath her shivered. Shooting Yoruichi a devilish grin, the blonde slid down and dipped her tongue into Isane's bellybutton. The teary-eyed woman tensed as the sound of Rangiku slurping up the liquid filled her ears. It was over quickly. The only thing left, Isane suspected, was for the orange slice to be taken. The shirtless siren lifted her head, took a deep breath and then smashed her face into Isane's stomach, blowing hard.
"Ahhhh!" Isane screamed, letting her orange slice fall to the floor. She reached down to grab a handful of Ran's hair and pulled.
"Oww! Hold her arms!" Yoruichi jumped to help.
"No. No. Please-AAAaha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hahhhhh!" Isane laughed so hard she began to cough. She bucked against Yoruichi's hold. "Stoooooop!" she screeched. "I can't breathe."
The music lowered. "Attention partiers," Love's voice came through the speakers. Everyone froze to give their attention to the afro wearing Visored. "For those of you who are interested, there is girl-on-girl action happening on the bar. I repeat. There is girl-on-girl action happening on the bar." There was a pause. "This has been a public service announcement."
"WHAT!" Isane wailed as the music was turned up to its previous level. Rangiku shrugged as every head in the room turned to her straddling the innocent young healer, before leaning down and blowing again.
Mashiro and Nel ran over just as the silver-haired woman on the bar gave one last desperate effort to escape, sending her and Rangiku crashing to the floor behind the bar.
"You guys suck." Nel pouted. "You're doing cool stuff without us."
"Where's your shirt?" Yoruichi questioned giving Mashiro the once over.
"Oh, I gave it to Chad."
"Well that was fun." The tenth division lieutenant popped up from behind the bar, her hair standing all over her head and her mouth glistening with saliva. Her body shot partner stood, face red from laughter.
"You're going to pay for that," Isane whispered, surprisingly not bothered by the fact that she was showing off her baby blue lace push-up.
The lime-haired Visored grinned. "Hey look we're triplets." She pointed to Rangiku, Isane, and then herself.
Nel nodded with happy understanding.
Ran jumped up onto the bar. "Who wants to do body shots?" she yelled above the music. Some were already moseying over, either following the commotion or coming to see if what Love said was true.
"Oh, no you don't," Isane interrupted. "It's my turn." Kukaku grinned at the girl's sudden boldness. "Now, lay down."
Rangiku grinned and obeyed, promptly lying down on the bar.
"Isane, let me help," Nel pleaded with a hopeful grin. "It'll be fun." When Isane nodded her response, the green-haired Arrancar literally jumped for joy. Not wasting any time she leaned in and licked a trail under the blonde's breast. Isane followed her lead from behind the bar.
"I'm so going next," Renji whispered to a slack-jawed Ichigo as the two walked up on the orgasm inducing scene.
"Nemu, pour when I say," Nel instructed as sugar was sprinkled onto the wet spots left on Ran's body. The braless bartender nodded. Isane placed an orange slice in the tenth squad lieutenant's cleavage and another in her mouth. "Okay, Isane. Ready?" The healer readied herself. "Pour Nemu!"
The raven-haired woman began pouring slowly as the girls at Rangiku's sides quickly licked up the sugar. Just as the liquid began streaming down her ribs they were there to lap it up. Rangiku squeezed her eyes closed and visibly tensed.
"This is fucking intense," Grimmjow grinned. After this was over he was definitely going to cash in on the lap dance he'd been promised. Before tonight he'd never even given the shy healer a second thought, but she'd opened his eyes. Not only did she have a nice ass rack, (that the Arrancar couldn't for the life of him understand why she hid) she was pretty cute. If you could ignore the fact that she was the size of Bigfoot. He watched Rangiku squirm as the two girls lapped at her sides. It was fucking hot. He blatantly reached inside his pants to readjust his growing manhood.
To his right, violet eyes watched him with disgust. Grimmjow smirked at the Kuchiki princess. "Wanna touch it?" he asked, crudely pointing to his raging hard on. Rukia's face contorted into a mask of flushed horror. The former Espada laughed hysterically until he heard Kukaku yell.
"Alright. Who's next?"
"Me!" Nel volunteered. "Somebody do me." More than a few eyebrows rose at her request.
"Why don't you go?" Orihime nudged Rukia, who'd joined her and Momo in her attempt to escape Grimmjow.
"Me?" Rukia gawked. There was no way in hell she was letting anyone lick anything off of her. She risked a glance over at her brother who was still seated at his table with his lieutenant. Of course they wouldn't participate in an act of such barbarism. Even if she were so inclined to become a human shot glass, she wouldn't dare do so in front of Byakuya.
A subtle movement under her brother's table caught her attention. Her eyes narrowed before widening as a hand reached out and touched Ulquiorra's back. 'Captain Sui-Feng?' What the hell was she doing?
"Rukia wants to go too," a cheerful Orihime announced with a smile as Isane joined them, tying her jumper back behind her neck.
"Whaa…" Rukia gaped, her head snapping around, unable to even protest as she was passed through the crowd to the bar.
"It's not so bad," Isane reassured her. "Just pick someone you're comfortable with."
Again Rukia's eyes moved to her brother's table. Some people had looks that could kill, and some people had looks that were weapons of mass destruction. Her brother had the latter. She swallowed the lump that formed in her throat. "Orihime's going too," she shouted in an attempt at payback. If she had to suffer, so did Orihime.
To Rukia's dismay, the young human did not protest. She smiled brightly and practically skipped through the group.
"Me first," Nel grinned. She scanned the crowd for her victim. There were so many options. Her hazel eyes rested on Ichigo's russet. His innocence practically begging to be taken. At his side was Renji, his partner in crime. His long crimson locks lying haphazardly on his tattooed body. 'Ichigo, Renji. Renji, Ichigo,' she debated, reliving images of the redhead dumping the water on his head not an hour before.
"This year, Nel," Yoruichi snapped.
"Renji!" the bubbly lieutenant blurted with a start. She really did love tattoos.
Brown eyes widened in surprise. Ichigo laughed, slapping his friend on the back. "Go get em' tiger."
The crowd parted for the young captain as he dazedly made his way to a grinning Nel. Rukia and Orihime moved to the side giving the dumbstruck man some space. Rukia couldn't help but be amused. Nel wasted no time plopping down on the bar. She reached out for the sheepish-looking shinigami, pulling him between her thighs. He swallowed thickly when she reclined on her hands and let her head fall back. Her dangerously low cut dress showed off one of the most perfect set of breasts in any world as far as he was concerned.
"Put the sugar here," she slowly lifted her hand to point to her cleavage.
Yoruichi couldn't help the pride that welled up inside her. Her subordinate's mission with Byakuya had done wonders for the former Espada's skills. Glancing across the room at her former student's mask of indifference, she had to wonder if Nel had another reason for choosing Renji besides the tattoos and hair.
Aside from the music, the room had fallen deathly silent. Renji, following what he'd seen before, leaned in, slid his tongue between her breasts, and licked a path up to her throat. His cock felt like it was going to burst. Contrary to popular belief he was not inexperienced when it came to women. It had been a while, but he liked to think he knew what he was doing.
He scooped some sugar in his hand and sprinkled it on her chest, most of it disappearing into the abyss that was Nel's cleavage. Retrieving an orange slice from the bowl, he held it to the former Espada's pouty lips. She shook her head as she plucked the fruit from the tattooed man's fingers, hiked up her dress and wedged it between her thighs.
"Good spot." Gin commented. Nel smirked, even as she grabbed for the bottle Nemu was holding out. Her hazel eyes caught his dark brown and she shook her head. The boy looked like sin.
"Don't ever wear that ponytail again," she told him seriously. He shot her a glaring smirk. The same one he gave Ichigo when the kid would talk shit. She brought the bottle to her lips. "Go." Then she drank.
With a deep breath Renji braced his hands at her sides and leaned in, burying his face into the vixen's bosom. Despite the audience, he didn't rush, wanting to savor the moment. It wasn't likely he would ever get a chance to do this again. When he reached the bottom of her neck he began tracing her collarbone. He smirked when she shivered under him, and then her hand was bringing his face to hers. She placed her lips on his and easily coaxed his mouth open with her tongue. One hand moved to the back of her neck as she filtered the liquid into his mouth. He drank it down quick, but their lips remained locked, her tongue in his mouth.
"Whooooooooo!," Kukaku yelled teasingly. Nel, unable to hold back her smile, broke the kiss.
Renji backed away, making a note to rag on the fireworks expert about being a cock-blocking bitch. As he bent down to take the orange, all Nel could think about was snatching that damned toga off of him and dragging the young captain into one of the many free bedrooms in the Shihoin mansion.
As tempting as it was to dive between the beauty's legs and completely disregard the fruit, Renji behaved. He took the slice with his teeth and stood.
Gin cleared his throat, breaking the stunned silence. "Well, at least somebody's gettin' laid t'nite."
Nel grinned and leapt down from the bar, giving Renji a lingering look as she disappeared into the crowd.
Alrighty then. So…as you can probably tell there will be a Part 3. This chapter has gotten completely out of control. I was a little disappointed with this part. It's not as funny as I want it to be, but I just had to remind myself that it's because Part 3 is when all the shit hits the fan.
A big thanks to Tomas the Betrayer and Mishiko Shinsei, the best beta's ever.
Thanks to everyone reading, reviewing, favoriting, alerting…all that good stuff. (I broke 100 reviews YAY!) Some of you guys are so funny, I wish we could all go out a drink together. GOOD TIMES!
Well, until next time.