Another impossible silence stretched between them. Cloud eventually moved forward just enough to close the door behind him. He did not return his gaze to Riku, instead focusing on the far wall and shifting his weight uncomfortably.

Riku did not want to blink for fear of the man disappearing. He wasn't really here, was he? Maybe he had finally completely snapped and this was a hallucination. If that was true, he didn't really mind being insane.

"Are you finished?" Cloud asked quietly, nodding toward Riku but still not actually looking at him.

"Way past." Riku answered. His plate was still over half-full. "They've been forcing food down my throat."

"When I saw Aerith, she made me eat then forced me to take a nap with her."

"Sora's been doing the same."

"He's a good friend."

"Yeah." Riku glanced at the table, gathering his strength. When he turned his eyes back up, he looked at Cloud directly. He had to ask one question before anything else was said. "Do you hate me?"

"What?" Cloud finally met his eyes again. Wide blue eyes appeared almost hurt. "I could never, ever hate you, Riku."

The young man's heart unclenched a bit. That was something; not much but it was enough for the moment. He nodded once, studying the wood pattern of the table. He did not want to be the first to approach the subject but someone was going to have to. "So…"

Cloud slowly walked toward the couch and sat. "You once asked where the two scars on my abdomen were from and I refused to tell you."

Riku kept his eyes on the man. "It isn't any of my business."

"They're from the first time I fought Sephiroth." The blond laced his fingers together before him. "We were investigating some strange occurrences and an increase of monster activity near my hometown. Nibelheim had its own Mako reactor and Shinra Mansion was there.

"It was a relatively minor mission and only two infantry were required. The only reason I was added on was because Sephiroth noticed that I was from the area and I would be useful. Sephiroth barely even knew my name at the time; I was just that grunt Zack had a thing for. However, he did on occasion try to arrange it so I could come with on various missions.

"We headed into the mountain the day after arriving and I was ordered to stay outside with Tifa while Zack and Sephiroth went in to investigate the reactor. We were attacked and I did my best to defend her but…" Cloud exhaled quickly. "I got knocked out. I woke up awhile later in the Inn and Zack told me that Tifa was okay. I felt so useless but Zack was obviously preoccupied with something else so I focused on him.

"He told me that Sephiroth had gone straight to Shinra Mansion after leaving the reactor and refused to leave or be bothered. Zack was terribly worried about him, saying that he was acting really strange." Cloud made a little half-smile. "I remember saying 'stranger than normal' and Zack hitting me."

Riku could not help but smile a touch also. He was glad that there was at least a bit of joy to this story for Cloud. Unfortunately, he knew enough of the basics of it to know that wouldn't last for long.

The blonde's expression went neutral again. "Every night, Zack checked on Sephiroth and each time he grew more concerned. He wasn't allowed in the basement where Sephiroth was and the little he got him to say was becoming more and more weird.

"After a week passed, Zack decided enough was enough and he was going to make Sephiroth talk to him. By then, Sephiroth had completely gone insane... spoke all this gibberish about being the Chosen One and the traitor humans. Then he pushed Zack aside and left him."

Cloud's body language gave away how tightly he was controlling himself. He was focusing all his energy on telling this story. "I remember waking up to smoke and flames. I had no idea what was happening, only that I had to find my mom and get out of there. I looked but couldn't find her anywhere in the house.

"I couldn't breathe any more so I ducked outside for clean air, planning to go back in but I didn't need to." His voice tightened. "My mother was lying face down in the dirt. At first I thought the smoke had overcome her but when I approached, I saw the stab wound through her chest and I knew she was dead."

Riku's eyes widened in horror. Sephiroth had not said anything about having killed Cloud's mother personally. He knew she had died during the whole Nibelheim incident but this… No wonder Cloud hated Sephiroth so much.

"I didn't get a chance to really process it. Zack came running up, took one look, kissed me and said we'd have time to deal with it later. Before I knew it, he had taken my hand and we were searching for the mayor. We found the weapons master who told us that Tifa had followed Sephiroth into the mountains.

"Zack ordered me to stay and I was soldier enough to obey even though everything in me wanted to beg him not to leave me behind. He went, I stayed. I don't know exactly what it was but after a while, I just knew I had to go. Something in my heart was pulling me to the reactor.

"So I went. I found Tifa lying unconscious at the foot of the stairs and no sign of Zack. Tifa's chest had been sliced open and it was obvious who had done it. Then I saw the Buster sword sticking up further up the stairs and this rage just built up. A lot calmer than I really felt, I went up to the inner chamber where Sephiroth was, took up the Buster and without stopping to think about it, I just ran him through."

He blew out a little puff of air. "I didn't care if it killed him or not. I demanded him to somehow give me back everything he had taken from me, I felt so betrayed by him. He was what I wanted to be and then he did that…

"He crumpled over and I left the room to take care of Tifa. I still didn't see Zack anywhere. Then there was this crashing sound and glass breaking. I looked up and there was Sephiroth, one hand against his stomach and the other holding a head, lightly swinging his sword.

"That's when Zack was finally able to call out to me. He was slammed into one of the pods lining the place, blood pouring from several wounds." Cloud shivered. His arms came up to wrap around him. "I knew he was dying but he just gave me this steady gaze and told me to give Sephiroth a fatal blow.

"I took up the sword again and that rage took over. I don't entirely remember what happened next, just this excruciating pain and being thrown back into the other room. Then Sephiroth was standing over me with insane eyes and his blade coming back down at me. By then, I understood I'd been stabbed again but I didn't really feel it anymore… I barely felt the second."

Cloud seemed to tense up even further. "The only thing I was truly aware of was Sephiroth had to die. It didn't matter how and I didn't care if I had to die with him. I only have Zack's foggy memory of this but apparently I said some, I don't know, bullshit I probably thought sounded tough and dragged myself along Masamune's length."

Riku couldn't belief what he was hearing. Sephiroth hadn't gone into details of the events, especially what exactly happened with Cloud. If this was true, he suddenly understood a whole lot clearer why Sephiroth had taken such a singular interest in Cloud.

"Then I used the leverage of my body to flip the hilt up and managed to knock Sephiroth over the edge of the platform." He said this so emotionlessly it was distracting. "He hit the wall and fell into the mako below.

"I lost consciousness at that point. The next thing I truly remember is being carried by Zack through some woods. I could hear every word he said, every breath he took as clearly as my own but I couldn't control my own body; I could see but not really comprehend, hear but not respond. I was just, there but wasn't.

"My awareness faded in and out. We were on a beach, there was a palm tree…I think there was a motorcycle, and then a truck. I kinda remember being in a town with a man with glasses and graying hair… and for some reason there are flashes of red leather but I don't know where from.

"Zack kept talking to me the whole time, almost like I was totally okay. He would promise he wouldn't leave me and that we'd stay together. We were on truck…He stood to talk to the driver and next thing I knew, he threw himself down at me and shoved me out the back. I heard him yell for me to run…He carried me somewhere and I didn't want him to go…he promised he wouldn't leave… Then I passed out."

Cloud was crying now, not sobbing or making noise. Riku longed to go to him but he held himself back not knowing how the action would be received. He had no idea where Cloud was going with this. There were several reasons for him to be hearing this story now.

"When I came to again, my head was clearer. I was barely able to move my own body and when I looked up, the first thing I saw was Zack laying there, flat on his back. I crawled over and stared at him and I knew he was dying.

"He started talking and it was obvious how much pain he was in. I wanted to tell him not to talk, to save his strength but I couldn't. I just knelt there at his side and repeated his words like some kind of parrot. At one point, he held me to his chest…I could feel his blood smearing on my face and told me I had to keep going…I was his living legacy, the proof that he lived.

"That's when he gave me the Buster sword. When he did that, he gave me everything that was his, his hopes, his dreams, his honor and pride, it was all mine now and all I could do was mumble his words back. I watched him slip away and I couldn't say anything."

The tears were subsiding but his voice held tightly to its sorrow. "I can still see his face so vividly. His black hair didn't look any different because it was always a blown back mess." Cloud grinned a bit before his expression fell into one of barely concealed pain. "His eyes were closed and his expression relaxed, free of the suffering he had been feeling. The one thing I know I will never forget is his mouth; he had this small, pleased smile."

"I must have screamed at some point because my throat felt raw as I forced myself to stand." The swordsman shook his head. "As I looked at him for the last time, I vowed then and there I would live out both our lives. I had no idea how literal that would become."

"I was a total wreak, my head a complete mess. After I left Zack's body, I just wandered around in a daze. The sword was heavy in my hands and I could barely drag it behind me but I refused to leave it. Nothing seemed real anymore and it hurt so bad to think about Zack, my mind just twisted my memories until he no longer existed. Tifa was the one who found me wandering Midgar and took me in."

He looked up and stared Riku right in the eyes. "Do you understand what Sephiroth has cost me? What I had to go through because of him? I later found out that we spent four years as experiments for Hojo."

Cloud's voice raised and came out choked. "He wanted to make us into copies of Sephiroth. He decided that if I was able to take on Sephiroth without Mako enhancement, I should be handle the Jenova cells. He pumped so much of that Mako shit in me that it put my body in shock trying to assimilate it all. I thank whatever higher powers there are that Zack got me out of there before Hojo got too far into the Jenova stage. I only had a few cells added.

Riku swallowed thickly, feeling his heart cease up as he listened to his lover's story. If he had not already heard the basics of the tale from Sephiroth, there was no way he could have believed this. He knew that Cloud had had a hard time of things, that there was a lot of tragedy in his past but the full weight of it was something that he never could have understood without sitting here and watching Cloud as he explained, re-lived the events that had shaped his life.

He had no idea how the man had survived it all.

"I've never been able to let any of that go. That bastard completely destroyed my life and took away everything I had. Just when I'd think it was finally over, he'd come back and it all started over again. For years, I've only wanted to be free of everything. I wanted Sephiroth out of my life so that maybe, just maybe, some of the pain would go away."

Something in Cloud's face softened, his blue eyes took a warm quality. "And then I met you. You came into my life when I was at my lowest and things just didn't seem as terrible. I wasn't simply going through the motions of living anymore. I rediscovered what simply being happy meant and I started to believe that love wasn't just something that caused pain."

The expression darkened. "But once again he had to swoop in and cast a shadow over everything."

Riku watched Cloud as several emotions flittered across his face. It seemed that when Cloud had decided to return, he still had not made up his mind as to what he was going to do. Did that mean he had a chance to persuade the man to stay? Beg him? Force him?

"I will always despise Sephiroth for what he's done. Maybe someday I'll be able to forgive him but I will never forget. I will never let him control me again." Cloud took a breath and looked at the floor. "But you're not Sephiroth; you're not even remotely close. You are…amazing. You're strong and caring. You have such a capacity to love and strive to do everything you can to help the people you care about…

"But, I know what Jenova does. I know how she and Sephiroth work. They get into your head and it can be so subtle you won't know until it's too late. I… I don't know if I could stand to see you be taken over by her or Sephiroth, watch you slowly become someone completely different. The whole Ansem thing was near impossible to bear. I don't know if I can go through that again especially knowing that you'll never return."

Riku bit his lip. Was Cloud saying what he thought?

"I… I can't lose you like that again." Cloud met his eyes and Riku felt his heart plummet. "For your sake, I don't think we should stay together."

"For-" Riku stuttered, confused by Cloud's choice of words. "For my sake? What…what does that even mean?"

"I…I'm always going to be looking for signs of influence now. Every time you get angry or act even remotely differently, I'm going to react and probably badly. You don't need that on you. I'll just be a burden to you and you'll end up hating me which will just make things worse for you."

Cloud's jaw tightened. "Hell, it'll give Sephiroth just what he needs to swoop in and take you away from me. It would be just like him to use you like that. That's probably what he hopes will happen because he knows how much that would kill me."

"Wait," the silver-haired teen spoke slowly. "Are you saying we should break up because being together will give Jenova what she needs to consume me or that Sephiroth is using me to get to you?"

"Sephiroth is more likely to-"

Fury over came Riku and he leapt to his feet. "You're so stupid! Don't you understand, Cloud? With or without you, I'm the one who has to live with this! I have to deal with the voices, the weird emotional shifts, the feeling like I'm going to lose my mind regardless if you're here or not. I thought maybe you loved me enough to be able to get past Sephiroth and help me with this but I was wrong, wasn't I?"

He rounded the table and stalked up to the blonde man. "Is he really all you can think of? I'm starting to think you're the one with the sick twisted obsession with him. Maybe you really are only with me because I look like him!"

Cloud stood and shoved him back. "I cannot believe you said that!"

"And I can't believe you'd think I'd want you to leave for my benefit! Can't you see what being without you would do to me? That it would be a one way ticket back into the darkness! You're my light, Cloud, my focus that keeps me going. Without you, I'm nothing but that doesn't matter to you. You can't deal with something that might happen! Well, fuck you! I'll deal with this on my own!"

Before Cloud could respond Riku brushed past him and walked out, completely missing Cloud's heart breaking.