Who am I, you are probably wondering. I am so sorry for this ridiculously long update, but I have been up to my neck, and then some, in work, and sorting out university, school and a whole bucket load of other shizzle, and it has been getting a bit much. So as a bit of down time for myself, I thought I should slowly work on the next chapter and update pronto. I don't want you guys forgetting me :'( So here is another chapter, AT LONG LAST!
QueenofDemons68: Always count on Draco to help out and Hermione shall be alright soon, haven't decided when exactly, but it shall be happening :L
Ekatia217: Ahhh that is a better question :P and Lavender has a bad case of foot in the mouth, she doesn't know when to shut it. And Pansy needs to get off her high horse, but then I remember it's Pansy and that may never happen. And as I haven't updated in a while, have you sorted things out with him? Oh, boys are a complete mystery sometimes; you never know what's going on in their heads. And he needs to suck it up, but then again frankly people shouldn't be mean to you, because that is unfair and drives me mad. I mean what gives people the right to be mean to people? Okaii, I shall calm down, and here's another chapter, Enjoy :D
CloudGazer15: Draco being sweet is still something I have to get used to :') and sorry for this ridiculous long update. But this is an update none the less, thank you for waiting. Here it is
Kariah Bengalii: Some people aka Lavender are just insensitive. But tbh around my school people have actually spread news like that around school which is plain wrong, so that's where I got that idea from. And I do have to say, that is a good quote! I understand where you are coming from with Draco, but it must be hard for him to come out of his "Slytherin" facade and help someone that is supposed to still hate. But stay tuned, because you never know what will happen in later chapters, I'm not saying anything more then that, I have things planned :P anyway here is another chapter for you, hope you enjoy.
KeepMovingForward: Awhh I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. As much as I dislike Pansy, I had to slip her into another chapter so she could get her comeuppance (a) So here is another chapter for you Hope you like
NazChick: I'm glad you like what I have written so far, I hope you enjoy this chapter
SeekerSun44: WOW that comment means a lot to me! Thank you :D hope you continue to like what I am writing, here is another chapter for you to enjoy (:
SparklyVikingOriginalVampire: I am so sorry for this long update, but here is indeed another one. Hope you like it.
LyraDragonflyy: Awhh thank you, I'm glad I made you cry…not in a weird way, but it means that what I am actually writing is good enough. Sorry for the late update, here's a chapter for you to enjoy
Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling. That is all.
'All alone, the way she feels,
left alone to deal with all the pain,
drenched sorrow, relief, bite the lip, just forget the bleeding,
then she closed her eyes,
found relief in the knife,
the blood flows as she cries'
- The Way She Feels: by Between The Trees
Chapter Ten: Another Conversation
Malfoy removed his hand from my shoulder.
"Granger. Sorry." He said quietly pulling his legs up, sitting how I was sitting.
"About what?" I asked him, lifting my head up from my knees.
"For not standing up for you. For not stopping Pansy from saying those things," he answered keeping his eyes on the floor ahead of him.
"Another apology Malfoy, this is all to much," I tried to joke, but it sounded flat even to my ears. I took a deep breath before saying what I actually wanted to say. "You know, I didn't expect you to stand up for me. Like you said earlier, we aren't friends," I pointed out, "besides, I don't want to…" I thought for a few seconds trying to find the right word for that sentence, "Compromise your position in Slytherin. I mean what would they say when they find out you have been talking to a mudblood."
"Don't call yourself that," Malfoy said immediately.
"Why not? Name it, we claim it. Isn't that what they say?" I asked dryly.
"But that still doesn't make it right," he muttered quietly. I kept my eyes ahead, just as Malfoy was doing. Then I voiced a thought that I have been feeling for a while.
"I don't belong here," I whispered. Telling Malfoy of all people. And that's when Malfoy torn his eyes away from the spot he was previously staring at to look at me.
"What at Hogwarts?" Malfoy asked confused more than anything.
"In the magical world," I expanded keeping my eyes straight ahead.
"Why do you think that?" He sounded shocked that I would think that.
"I'm nothing but a Muggle. A mudblood. I don't belong here. I never did. I'll always be hated for being here." I explained. He didn't say anything straight away, so I assumed he knew that I was speaking the truth. But I was wrong.
"So you would happily go back and live in the Muggle world, after everything you did to save this world?" He questioned, and it was a good question. One I didn't have an answer to. But Malfoy hadn't finished yet. "Look Granger, you belong here more than anyone. Your smart…" then he laughed, "Who am I kidding, you are more than smart. You're practically a genius. You are an amazing, talented witch. And if you doubt that, you helped to destroy the Dark Lord, you belong here. Only a small minority of the magical community are against Muggle-Born's, so try not to worry." He stated.
"Yeah but the minority can sometimes make the biggest difference. All you have to do is look at what Voldermort did. Look at how much he has changed the wizarding world alone," I explained. Malfoy opened and closed his mouth, not knowing what to say. It was as if I took the wind out of his sails. They don't call me the brightest witch for nothing, I thought.
"Look Granger, don't keep knocking yourself down. You're a brilliant witch, you should just accept that," he finalised. I shook my head slightly in disbelief. Malfoy is a completely different person when he isn't surrounded by Slytherin's, or under the influence of his father. He can actually be…kind of nice. It's a strange concept. "So you want to explain your little argument then?" he asked. The question didn't come as a surprise to me. The argument is the reason why I came up here, isn't it?
"I don't think it is what you would call a little argument. But that stupid Ronald Weasley and his good for nothing bimbo of a girlfriend had to stir everything up. Ron is unbelievably selfish, going on about how much HE was scared in the war, how much HE lost. And he thought he could honestly justify, leaving Harry and I on our search for Horcruxes. We almost got killed and captured by Voldermort and his stupid snake. And Ron thought he had it bad. He lost his brother, I understand that, but I lost my parents' and does he care? No. And then he had to blurt it out to Lavender, who then goes and basically tells the whole entire school that I am now an orphan." I finished that familiar feeling of crying appearing again. And then I started crying again. Where are these tears even coming from? I feel like I have cried myself out these last few days.
"I just want my mum and dad back?" I cried resting my head in my knees again. Why did it have to be them? Malfoy awkwardly patted my back in a comforting manor.
"I'm not used to the crying, emotional, in touch with feelings thing. That's just not me, but Granger, I know it's hard but you are going to have to move on. You can't keep living in the past; you are only going to end up upsetting yourself even more." Malfoy said softly.
"Don't you think I know that? I can't. I don't want to. Every time I think about it, I keep remembering me taking away their memories. My parents died not knowing I existed, and that hurts so much. I can never tell them I love them. And I won't ever here them tell me they love me. We will never have any more trips to France. We will never go skiing again. I don't even know if they would be proud of me for what I did." I explained to him through the tears.
"I'm sure they would be proud of you Granger. Everything you did was to help them," Malfoy pointed out. I looked over at him, wiping my eyes.
"And a fat lot of good that did. They still ended up dead." I hissed. Malfoy closed his eyes after realising what he said wasn't the best thing. I shrugged his hand off my back and curled back into my legs.
"I'm sorry about that Granger. I didn't mean it." He said sympathetically. A tone that I was slowly getting used to.
"Sure," I responded bluntly.
"Granger like I told you before, I'm not the same cold hearted Slytherin. I'm going out of my way to hurt you anymore. Don't push everyone away, because you will end up with no friends." He snapped.
"But like you said, we aren't friends." I shot back, regretting it immediately. Malfoy just stared at me and stood up and went to walk away.
"Malfoy I didn't mean it that." I called out to him.
"It's alright. Should be heading back anyway, it's getting late now." Malfoy said his back still towards me.
"Malfoy?" I called. He slowly turned around, "Thank you."
He gave me a curt nod and a small smile and continued his journey.
HGDMHGDMHGDMHGDM
Friday arrived at last. End of the week. No more listening to fake people's sympathy. That was the last thing I wanted to hear really. It was all becoming to much. They think they are being nice, but all they are doing is bringing up all the memories that I was trying to lock away. But seemingly it's becoming almost impossible. The darkness in my mind started to take over again. I could sense myself shrinking back into my self, losing me. With my parents' death, it feels as if they have taken me with them, and it's scary. I climbed out of bed; only have to cope with one more day of lessons, until I don't have to see anyone else until Monday. Not that anyone would care. Ron hates me, Harry and Ginny, most likely have a date. I looked around and saw that the dorm was empty. I checked the clock and saw that I had five minutes to get to lesson. I skipped the shower, got dressed and tied my hair up in a messy pony tail and ran to D.A.D.A. Without a doubt, no matter how hard I ran, I would be late. Me, Hermione Granger, late for lesson. Never. I walked into the classroom ten minutes late; everyone was sitting at their desks. Professor Miranda stopped her introductory speech to look at me. I apologized and walked over to my empty desk.
"Wow, who would have thought, perfect Granger late for her lesson." Parkinson mocked. A few Slytherin's sniggered at her comment. I sat down and took my books out of my bag without looking at her. Or anyone else for that matter. Professor Miranda continued her speech, and set us the work for today's lesson. Read the next two chapters in our textbooks. I opened up my book, and stared at the pages, my eyes not being able to focus on the words. When would this day end? Was all I could think as I sitting down. It was a weird feeling, feeling alone in a roomful of people. It's not something that I have commonly felt, but recently I have felt this way quite often. I haven't even been back to the astronomy tower since the other day. I haven't left the library to be honest. In the last couple of days I have managed to master wandless magic which is a great achievement. But when am I ever going to use it, but then it's always good to know incase of anything. Suddenly I felt someone tap my shoulder. I jumped and turned to see Ginny sitting there.
"Hermione, the lesson is over, we have Potions now," she told me softly. I gave her a small nod, quickly packed up my books, and followed Ginny and Harry out of the classroom. I followed quietly behind them all the way into the dungeons. When we arrived the class was only just starting to file in. I entered and sat down in my seat next to Malfoy.
"You alright Granger?" he asked quietly. I nodded as I read the instructions on the board. I could still sense Malfoy's watchful gaze on me, "Granger, when was the last time you ate?" I turned to him and shrugged my shoulders. "When? You don't look right," he said bluntly.
"I don't know alright," I whispered forcefully to him, hoping he would drop it. But obviously I hoped in vain.
"You need to eat. If I don't see you at lunch today, I will look for you," he warned me. I looked up at him, and saw that he was deadly serious. And that was the worrying thing. Okay, I'll humour him. I'll turn up at lunch. But obviously Malfoy was thinking along the same lines as me,
"And when I say, I want to see you in the Dining Hall at lunch. Actually eat something. Or I'm taking you to the Infirmary and Madam Pomfrey can sort you out." He said quietly and forcefully. I nodded in response, what else could I do? But that doesn't mean I was going to take his directions seriously.
"What gives you the right to order me around?" I asked him, as I added diced Mandrake to our potion.
"It wasn't an order, just a mere suggestion," he replied with a small smirk. Slowly inside I could feel my blood starting to boil. How dare he?
"Really, Malfoy? Really?" I asked him sarcastically. "Why do you even care?"
"Pass the honey water," he said. I quietly handed it over to him, "I don't care per say, but you haven't been the same since that argument with Weasel. When you came to potions, you didn't utter a word. You just sat there and did nothing but stare. And that is not like you…bookworm Granger," he answered as he poured the honey water before stirring the potion. Okay maybe he raises a point. But I didn't think it would bother him. Like he and I both pointed out, we aren't friends. But then again, maybe that is starting to change. I don't know what we are. Acquaintances maybe?
"Look Granger, I don't want you to destroy yourself. Because that's what you are doing. Not eating, not paying attention in lessons. Shrinking in on yourself now, and I know you weren't listening because your eyes glazed over," he ended nudging my arm. I looked up at him confused. Had he been speaking?
"What did you say?" I asked him. He shook his head in response. I added the next few ingredients on the board, while Malfoy stood by and supervised. He's probably making sure I don't add the wrong ingredient, or put too much of something in. Ron wouldn't do that, he would assume I was right and let me continue. I can't believe I compared Ron and Malfoy against each other. This has been a strange start to the school year. I felt another nudge on my arm. I looked at Malfoy.
"Again you weren't listening. You were just staring into nothing for the past five minutes." Malfoy told me shocked, looking at me as if I was an alien. "We need to sort this out. I noticed that you haven't been to the tower in the last couple of days, so meet me in the Room of Requirement instead." Malfoy said with finality, obviously I didn't have a choice.
"Why Room of Requirement. Didn't that get burned down in the war?" I asked him. He shook his head.
"It did, but it got rebuilt, the same as everything else in the castle. Meet me there at eight. I expect you to be there. If not, I will find you," he said looking at me. His grey eyes piercing into my brown eyes that I felt like I had no other choice but to nod. So much for my quiet evening in the library. Looks like I'm spending my Friday night with Malfoy. Who would have thought? I can see that this is going to be…interesting.
Well, a lot of unintentional dialogue in this chapter. I didn't really plan this chapter, it was as if my fingers had their own idea of what they wanted to happen, but there is some…well a whole chapter of Dramione action. But what do you know, looks like Malfoy is going to help her with her slow forming depression. Who knows where this could lead? Well obviously I know where this is leading to; you guys have to stay tuned to find out. Hope you liked it, I know its not my best chapter, but I will try and get the next update out quicker than this one. Anyway…..
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