Chapter 8

Lucas had just come into the medical bay to find Wendy going over paperwork and speaking with the Captain. Alex was sleeping quietly in the patient area so he joined them rather than wake her. It had take a few days for Alex to pull her self out of the surreal feeling she'd had upon waking. The few moments of vulnerability when she had woken were the only ones she had shown. Ever since she had clammed up like a steal trap and wouldn't do anything but make small talk with anyone unless pressed, not even him.

Lucas had still spent every moment he could with her and Dr. Smith had encouraged it. Though now she insisted he return to some semblance of his routine. He had to admit he had missed it, but he still worried about his friend too. The looming shadow of Dr. Sanborn out there didn't help.

Wendy had informed Captain Bridger Alex had woken up, but refused to let him question her at all. They had met briefly but any information she might have on Sanborn wasn't known yet. Wendy felt that she still needed time to adjust to her surroundings and felt that any information she might give might be invalid right now.

She was still having a hard time telling dreams from reality, confusing what her brain came up with and things that really had happened. Dr. Smith had explained that she was experiencing a very mild case of ICU psychosis. Something that was apparently not uncommon with recovering coma patients. She had also said that the faster she could be gotten out of the medical bay the better off she would be.

Bridger was anxious to learn anything Alex might know but knew he would have to be patient to get it. He had contacted UEO headquarters as soon as they had gotten Lucas back on the boat and was still waiting for any information they might have. For some reason Admiral Noyce was taking his time with it.

"I don't like this. Noyce is taking far too long getting back in touch. I tried contacting him again but his secretary told me he was out of the office. I get the feeling he's deliberately avoiding me," Bridger said to Wendy as Lucas popped his head around the corner of the Doctor's office. Wendy beckoned him in and he made himself comfortable in the one empty chair.

"Lucas, we were just discussing the situation with Alex. Aside from the issues with this Dr. Sanborn. I think she's ready to move into guest quarters. I thought you might like to get her settled in," Wendy told him smiling.

"That's great! Yeah of course," he said, pleased to hear Alex was about to get paroled from the medical bay. It had its purpose but no one would want to stay there voluntarily. He knew he wouldn't.

"How is she doing?" Bridger asked. Apparently up until Lucas had shown up, they had been discussing her part in the situation not her condition.

"Better, but she has a long way to go Nathan. She will have to do physical therapy and that's the least of her problems. She can walk short distances now thanks to the accelerators I gave her, but the mental progress will be slower than the physical I'm afraid," she said. The Captain nodded knowingly. This was obviously something he understood. Lucas didn't however.

"What do you mean the mental progress?" he asked looking between them anxious.

"Well, we still don't know exactly what this has done to her emotionally. I can read what she projects, but I can't just go rummaging in her head like I'm looking for lost socks. I'll have counseling sessions with her, but you have to remember, the things she was forced to see while she was in that coma. Not just the issues of the coma itself. I've seen soldiers who have seen less become basket cases and I'm not sure yet if it's because she's an exceptionally strong individual or if it just hasn't surfaced yet," she explained. Lucas still looked confused. Wendy sighed and explained further.

"Lucas, think about it. You know what that machine was for. What do you think you would be like if all you saw everyday were thousands of crimes, horrible ones, with no way to stop the images? That's pretty tough to take even on a short term basis, she's done it for six years," she said and looked at Lucas for understanding. He didn't say anything at first, he was thinking about what she had said. Finally he leaned forward in his chair, elbows on his knees and ran a hand through his hair.

"Yeah I see what you mean. I knew what she'd seen from that computer but somehow I didn't think of what it might have done. Not like that anyway," he answered. Wendy nodded solemnly and Bridger sat by listening.

"Don't be surprised if she doesn't act like the person you knew. But you're doing the right thing. Right now she needs someone she can count on more than anything else," she warned gently, Lucas just nodded. He would help her get through it. He had to, she didn't have anyone else. He frowned angrily, the more he thought about what Sanborn had done ,and was no doubt still doing to others somewhere, the more it rankled him.

"Someone needs to catch that son of a bitch," Lucas muttered under his breath.

"Lucas! Don't call anyone that again! But you're right and we will," Bridger chastised and comforted in the same breath. The rebuke sounded more like a formality than as if he had meant it.

"Yes sir," Lucas said softly his eyes sliding away and a half grin tugging at his lips.

"What ever Alex knows would really help," he said mournfully. He really wished she could tell them what they needed to know now. The longer that Sanborn was free to do as he wished, the more people he could hurt in the process.

"Yes it would, but we have to wait for her to be able to give it to us. In the mean time, I'm going to find out what is taking Noyce so long. And as soon as you get her settled you're going to help me. If Noyce won't give us the information we'll get it ourselves," Bridger said looking at Lucas pointedly. Lucas really did grin then.

"Yes sir!" he said with enthusiasm then added. "Careful Captain, you might be contributing to the delinquency of a minor," he joked. Bridger scoffed in mock affront.

"Me? Never. You're nineteen now," he said with a smile clapping Lucas on the shoulder as he exited the office. Wendy and Lucas chuckled after him.

#**#

Lucas had taken the doctor's words to heart about getting Alex settled in. While she slept he had taken the opportunity to spruce up the quarters that had been assigned to her. He had brought her disks from his music collection he knew she would like, filched some of her favorite snacks from the galley that would keep on their own to set out, made sure the bed looked extra comfortable and rounded up her favorite flowers from the hydroponics lab. The orchids sat on the room's coffee table now, the most colorful thing in the room. He wasn't sure exactly what had compelled him to get them in the first place but he knew she would like them. He had often seen them in her room at college. He stopped his roving thoughts before they could go any further.

He couldn't do much about the clothing, he didn't know her size and there were only so many options when you were on an underwater vessel if you hadn't brought your clothes with you in the first place. She would have to settle for the same blue jump suits anyone in need of emergency clothing on the boat did. He had managed to borrow a few movie disk from Henderson he thought she might enjoy. They were chick flicks, He didn't think anything from his own collection would be to her taste right now. His taste ran to action and adventure, normally so did hers, but he thought something light-hearted and happy was more fitting at the moment. When he was satisfied with the result he headed back to the medical bay to help her to her new, and he hoped a bit more homey, quarters.

He heard the commotion before he saw anything. He wasn't two yards from the medical bay when he heard Alex suddenly start screaming in terror. He careened around the corner like he was on hinges to see her flailing wildly in the bed, the thin sheets wrapped around her like a cocoon and screaming,

"No! No! Make it stop! Get away from me!" at the top of her lungs. Dr. Smith was trying to calm her but Alex wasn't even really awake and what ever it was she was dreaming about had her frenzied. Lucas pounded to the bed side and grappled with her for a moment despite Wendy telling him to stay back.

"Alex, Alex it's okay. It's okay. It's just a dream. Listen to me it's Lucas. Listen," he pleaded with her, she struggled still but without the frenzied terror she had before and after a few seconds she stopped altogether, awake and in a cold sweat. She looked back at him wide eyed and panting. Running a hand through her hair she took several deep breaths trying to regain her calm. Lucas kept his hand on one of hers and waited for her to come around.

"Oh God. It was just a dream. Thank God. It was horrible. Just give me a second I'll be okay." she rambled as she tried to get a grip. Finally she seemed to have calmed back down and leaned back on the bed casually. She was trying to pretend it was no big deal.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare anyone. Just a bad dream. I'm fine," she assured everyone. By now several other members of the medical staff had gathered to see what was going on and Dr. Smith looked pitying and disappointed at the same time. Lucas wasn't sure why she looked disappointed, he brushed it off and tried to cheer up Alex instead.

"Dr. Smith said you can move into guest quarters. It's all ready and waiting for you," he said and was rewarded by an elated smile.

"Oh great! Can we go now? I'd like to go now," she urged eyes bright with anticipation. Lucas looked over his shoulder at the doctor for confirmation.

"Yes, but I will need to see you once a day for counseling and monitoring visits and you need to be taking physical therapy daily as well," she said to Alex. Alex nodded vigorously and got up heading shakily for the nearest door.

"Yes, of course. Will do Doctor. Thank you," she rattled on her way, her tone was almost manic. Wendy still looked disappointed but didn't seem inclined to say anything just yet.

"Alex don't you think you should get dressed first? You're in nothing but a medical gown," Lucas observed casually. She really was in a very large hurry to get the hell out of Dodge wasn't she? Alex stopped and looked down at her self then shook her head.

"No, this is fi..." she paused and then turned back to the bed, a smile planted across her face, the smile looked forced.

"Yeah, sure. Of course," she answered. Dr. Smith put a bundle of clothes and pair of shoes on the bed and exited the room taking Lucas with her so Alex could change.

While she changed she took the chance to talk to Lucas. "Lucas, she's hiding from what happened, hiding from the fear she feels. If she doesn't face it soon she's going to regret it. It could even result in a psychotic break. I'm hoping getting her out of the medical bay will help, but it might not. She really needs to talk to someone. She won't open up to me, maybe she will to you," she said sadly.

Lucas' lips formed a thin line as he listened to her. He had found himself more than pleased to have Alex back. They had been close before and the feeling was as strong as it ever was, maybe stronger. The idea that she might be getting better only to flip out on him disturbed him. He had been feeling a great deal of uncomfortable emotions in the last couple of weeks and it unsettled him.

"What makes you think she'll talk to me? Alex doesn't talk to anyone unless she wants to," he told the doctor. That had always been a habit of hers, she talked to whom she liked, when she liked. You couldn't force another syllable out of her if she had decided the conversation was over, the only way to get her to talk then was to provoke a fight. It was one of her less endearing traits. One that had result in more than one argument between them in the past. In fact, it had been one of those arguments provoked by someone else that had led to him meeting her in the first place.

Wendy looked concerned and annoyed with Lucas' response. "Well she can't do this forever, she has to talk to someone sometime. No one can be the rock of Gibraltar forever," she said.

"The rock of what?" Lucas asked, he had never heard that term before. "Yes she can do this forever. You don't know her like I do. It took her six months just to tell me about her dead parents. If the circumstances hadn't been just right I doubt she'd have told me then," he told her. Alex was not one to share her feelings, she turned them inward instead, kept them to herself. He wasn't sure if it was arrogance or insecurity that made her do it. He suspected it was a little of both but you could never be sure with her.

"She's in denial Lucas. Not only is she suppressing her own problems she's suppressing any knowledge she might have on where Sanborn has gone. There are more lives at stake here than hers," the doctor insisted her brows knit together in consternation. Lucas shook his head.

"You tell her that and she won't speak to you for a week," he said.

"Lucas you have to try and get her to talk, if not for her own sake for all the others he must have under his control," Wendy pleaded with him. He sucked in a breath and looked skeptical. "I'll try but I'm not promising anything," he told her.

Just then Alex came wobbly around the corner. Lucas noted that there was a wheelchair by her bed, but she was apparently reluctant to use it. More likely, she had refused to use it to begin with. "Ready?" she asked cheerily. Too cheerily, he knew very well she was never this chipper, Alex was a rather subdued person unless you managed to make her angry. He cocked one eyebrow at her but she ignored it.

"Yeah, ready when you are," he said casting a glance at the doctor who nodded. Her eyes were staring holes into his skull, he nodded back acknowledging what he knew she wanted. He would try but he doubted it would work.

"Right, then let's go. I'll see you tomorrow Doctor. Thank you so much for all you've done," she prattled and hurried for the door. Lucas was left to keep up as best he could.

#**#

Outside the medical bay, Lucas watched Alex wobbling hurriedly down the corridor and wondered when she would realize she had no idea where she was going. If she did it didn't look like she was going to admit it.

"Maybe I should lead the way. You don't exactly know where you're going you know," he suggested lightly. Alex swung around suddenly and fidgeted with the buttons on her sleeve.

"Oh right. Of course I don't. I just couldn't take the medical bay another minute it was too much like..." she trailed off and disregarded where the statement had been going. "Lead the way," she said instead and moved to one side to let him take the lead. Lucas did, casting her a concerned glance as he passed.

A trip on the maglev and a good walk later they finally reached the guest quarters. Alex was flagging steadily but she had refused help twice already. She was determined she could and would do it on her own. Lucas knew better than to push the subject. Stopping in front of the door he pushed it open and stepped to the side like a valet.

"Your accommodations madame," he joked, hoping she would relax a little. It did at least get him a chuckle.

"Does this mean you expect a tip?" she asked as she stepped past him into the room. He laughed, that was the Alex he knew.

"Nah, On the house, next time though..." he shot back as he followed her in, nearly running her over in the process. She had stopped only a foot or two in the door and was staring at the orchids. He only saw her face for a second before she turned away from him and leaned on a chair for support. He could have sworn her eyes had been brimming with tears.

"Alex, are you okay?" he asked moving behind her and laying a hand on her shoulder. He thought he heard her sniffle. She shrugged him off and moved away.

"Yes I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" she asked defensively. She kept her back to him and added "Thank you for the flowers they're beautiful."

"I thought you would like them. Was I wrong?" he asked cautiously, afraid if he said the wrong thing she would clam up on him.

"Yes, I love them. Thank you," she said more brightly, trying to pretend nothing was wrong. She had meandered across the room by this point and was looking at her reflection in a decorative mirror. She fingered the crudely shorn strands thoughtfully.

"I need to get my hair trimmed, this is horrendous," she said casually. Lucas hung his head and sighed. There was quiet for a moment before he steeled himself for what he was about to do, he didn't want to but he couldn't see any other way.

"Okay, that's it," he declared. She didn't turn from the mirror she was attempting to finger her hair into some kind of order.

"Huh?" she asked confused. "What's it?"

"I mean that's it. Stop pretending nothing is wrong," he said sharply. She wasn't going to just sit down and talk, he would have to force it out of her and he knew it.

Alex turned and looked at him quizzically. "Nothing is wrong, the room is lovely Lucas really. I'm sorry if you thought I didn't like it," she offered. He huffed and rolled his eyes.

"I'm not talking about the room and you know it! Alex you are going to have to talk about it sooner or later," he said sternly. She didn't bother insulting his intelligence by pretending she didn't know what he meant, her face had drawn taut and her lips were pressed together tightly.

"No I don't," she said her voice dropping an octave.

"You were abducted, put through brain surgery awake, experimented on, placed in a coma for six years and forced to see God knows what the entire time. Yes you do. Talk to me please Alex. You always could before why should now be any different?" he begged, he had moved across the room to her, taken her crossed arms in his hands gently, pleadingly. She hadn't pulled away this time at least.

"No. I don't," she reaffirmed, her voice had an angry edge to it now. He was getting through to her then, little by little.

"Alex please, you can't deal with this on your own, no one could," he asked again, she shook her head, her face had hardened into a mask.

"No," she said simply and pulled away, walking to the couch and sitting down casually. She was trying to ignore him. Well he wouldn't let her. He sat down beside her, she scooted down away from him, he followed. He tried a different tactic.

"One of those kids at that facility could be yours," he suggested and waited for her reaction. She shot him a startled glance and quickly covered it up again resuming that stubborn mask of hers.

"No they couldn't. I don't have any children. I'd know if I did," she argued. Lucas pressed her further hoping she would crack and talk to him.

"Oh and how would you know that? Did you ask Dr. Smith if it was a possibility?" he asked. Her frown deepened and her eyes narrowed. He realized he was right, she hadn't asked. It might not have even occurred to her yet.

"No I haven't," she confessed tersely, she was refusing to look at him now, looking across the room at the wall.

"If you know anything about were Sanborn might be, please tell me. Even if you won't talk about what happened. Think about those children, all the other people he must have trapped the same way you were. Even if one of the children isn't yours. Please think about that," he urged. She sighed in annoyance. The annoyance agitated Lucas. He knew good and well she wasn't cold-hearted but this was just selfish.

"I don't know where he is. I'm sorry," she said quickly, too quickly.

"Have you even thought about it?" he asked. She shot him a look that could kill but stayed put, reverting her gaze to the wall again.

"Yes and I don't know," she said firmly.

"I don't think you have thought about it. I don't think you want to," Lucas told her, his voice serious and concerned. She crossed her arms and just looked at him, her eyes blazing.

Lucas knew she would either talk or blow up. He hoped she would talk. She sat there not speaking, he didn't think she could speak. Apparently he had hit on something. She finally got up and paced the room, Lucas let her, waiting for some sort of response. She paced for a long time before she finally rounded on him, Lucas braced himself.

"No, I don't want to think about it. You don't get it do you?" she said, her voice low. He had to strain to hear her.

"Then tell me," he said simply, his hands spread in entreaty.

"That's just it Lucas. I don't want to tell you. I don't want to tell anybody. Not even myself. You have no idea. You can't possibly imagine the hell I've been through!" her voice was rising, the pitch getting higher. He quelled the desire to go to her and hold her. He didn't know where that had come from, he stamped on it like he was smothering a flame.

"You have to, sooner or later you have to Alex. You can't keep it bottled up forever. It's going to eat you alive," he reasoned. She didn't seem to be in the mood for reason.

"I can't Lucas. I can't. I can't take it. Don't you see? I just can't!" she was nearly yelling now, her pacing was frantic , like she was trying to escape something no one but she could see. He got up and crossed the room confronting her face to face, stopping the incessant pacing. She refused to look up at him

"Yes you can! Talk to me Alex. You've always talked to me even when I have to pry it out of you. Do you think I wouldn't at least try to understand?" he said his voice soft and low. She finally looked up at him, tears in her eyes. Lucas sucked in a breath and his heart clenched. Without thinking about it he started to wrap his arms around her, like he had wanted to before and for a moment she didn't resist him. Almost as if she wanted to just lean on someone, find solace in another person. Before he could really envelope her in his arms though she suddenly pulled away, blinking back the unshed tears.

"Please leave," she said softly, her back to him again. Lucas threw his hands up in exasperation.

"So that's it. Just leave?" he asked, he was at the end of his rope . He didn't know what else he could say.

"Yes, leave. I want to be alone," she said with forced confidence. He tried to get her to turn and face him but she just moved further away.

"Like hell you do. I know you Alex," he said wishing fervently he could comfort her some way, but how do you comfort someone who doesn't seem to want it?

"No, you don't Lucas. Not anymore. Go. I mean it," she said her voice cracking.

"Alex," he pleaded one last time.

"Get out!" she yelled. Lucas felt angry and hurt at the same time. He turned and stalked for the door.

"Fine," he said as he stepped through the threshold into the hallway. He had turned to pull the door to, but she beat him to it slamming it shut. He heard the wheel inside spin heavily as it locked.

"Just think about what I said okay?" he called back through the door.

"Go away Lucas!" she yelled back. Then there was silence, he wouldn't get anything else out of her, not now. He stood there looking crestfallen. It took him a moment to realize he wasn't alone in the hall way. His abrupt exit had stopped someone's progress. He looked over to see Tony Piccolo standing there wide eyed.

"You two love birds fighting?" he asked in his typically sarcastic tone. Lucas felt anger and embarrassment rise in him, his face flushed scarlet.

"We aren't love birds," he shot at him.

"Could have fooled me," Tony answered, shrugging. Lucas scowled and pushed past him.

"Mind your own business Tony," he growled as he stalked past leaving Tony in the hall way muttering to him self.

"Huh, Go figure," he said to himself as he continued on his way.