Thanks to my beta Believer123 and all the reviews! Please, keep writing them.
On the way over, she tried to think of something to say...a way to say it.
I had a dream…. Noeven if it were true, it was too Martin Luther King.
I got divorced. No, too practical.
It's not too much anymore. – Picking up where they had left… No, she wanted a fresh start.
Maybe like her vision: I miss you. – It was the truth, but still… no.
Halfway through the elevator ride she just gave up and decided to let the words come.
The ring of the bell tied her stomach into a knot and the door being opened released butterflies in her belly.
"Alicia." Will said in a surprise.
"Hi." She said looking down at her hands in search for words. That's when she saw the solution: the scarf. She had brought it back. "I brought your scarf. The one you left at the hospital. Is this a bad time?"
"No, no. Come on in. Can I get you anything?"
"No thanks. Here." She said handing him the scarf. "So, I heard you came by the hospital?"
"Yes." She could tell he was still confused "How are you doing?"
"Fine. Better." They didn't say a word for a while, just standing there in silence, staring at each other. Alicia was trying to gather all the courage she had and spill what she had gone there to say. "Actually, I heard you were there a lot."
"Well, we were worried." At Alicia's quizzical look he added "Diane and I, the firm."
"Oh, thanks. For the worry, I guess."
"Thank you for bringing me the scarf. You didn't have to. Especially being recently out of the hospital. You should be resting."
"Will, that's not the only reason I came." She had to pause – this was hard. Harder she'd thought it'd be. "I miss you." She decided to go with the vision's cue after all. It had worked once, right? "I figured we've had our share of bad timing. I've seen so many different ways this could play out, I mean we finally getting together, and every time we ended up in the same place: growing old together. But I don't want this to be a 'we let life get in the way and took 40 years to interfere with it' thing. I want a middle. I don't want only a sweet start in college and a happy ending at 80. I want everything in between. Parent-teacher conferences with the kids. I want a beach wedding and a honeymoon in Germany, because Paris is overrated. I want to go to a baseball game. I want to watch Peter's governor acceptance speech at your place, knowing everything won't happen again. I want a big Christmas table and a baseball thrown inside my casket." By then, Alicia couldn't hold her tears anymore and they were flowing.
She was expecting him to say something, but he didn't. He took a step forward and kissed her. This was the only possible answer, after all, there were no words left to be said. They didn't say anything on their way to the bedroom, they were too busy exploring each other once again.
It was getting late and she had to be there when her children got home; they were still worried about her. She would also talk to them about Will, this time less preoccupied with the outcome; she had already seen some good ones. Alicia began to get her things to leave and Will looked at her with those sad puppy eyes that always broke her heart. She was hurting him again. Well, she couldn't blame him. She had done that so many times to him that she had lost count.
"I have to meet my children; they are still scared about it all. I also have to talk to them." The about us was implicit. "Will, I meant everything I said earlier, this time it is different. This isn't me running away from you again. I'll come back later." She said with a smile.
"I'll be waiting." He met her smile with one of his own.
…
"That was one long talk. A really good one, too, by the look on your face." Owen has said at their next meeting, making her blush. "Oh, sis, don't be embarrassed, you look happy. That's what matters. I don't really need to ask, but I still want details; so, how did it go?"
"Good. Now thinking of it, I think the greatest difficulty we had to overcome was me. I mean my own acceptance of it all. Everything, except for my marriage, is still there, but it doesn't seem impossible anymore. We'll figure it all out. Not everything needs a plan."
"What have I been telling you since your affair?"
"I know, but for me it was a little bit harder to see. I thought it wasn't worth all the complications, but my hallucinations showed me what I could be missing out. My head injury also got me thinking about something Kalinda told me: life's too short. I finally allowed myself to feel and not just make plans."
Owen just smiled at his big sister. For once she was thinking about herself, the world be damned! It was really Alicia time!
"I'm proud of you." He finally said.
"When I end my marriage and decide to have a relationship with my affair, who also happens to be my boss; that's when you're proud of me? Not when I get married. Not when I have a family. You have twisted moral standards. I don't want you too near my kids, teaching them that. You're a bad influence." Alicia said with a teasing voice.
"Silly, I was proud of you then as well, but now you're finally taking your life into your own hands, not just letting it happen. You're changing things for yourself, you're living!" She punched his arm lightly.
…
When Zach and Grace got home from school, Owen was long gone and their mom was sitting on the sofa waiting for them, nervous as hell.
"Mom, is everything ok? Are you feeling bad?" Zach asked sensing her uneasiness.
"Yes, everything is fine. I just have to talk to you guys about something." Alicia said trying to calm them down. "I'm… I'm…I'm dating Will. You remember him right?"
Silence took over the room. You could hear a needle fall on the floor.
"Please, kids, say something. How do you feel about that? I will introduce you properly; I just wanted to tell you first. He is looking forward to meet you. He is a great guy and –"
"Mom, you're babbling." Zach stated. Alicia shut up. "It's fine." He continued.
After a while, Grace asked: "How long?"
"Hm… since this morning?" Alicia said a little unsure. She wasn't counting the last time. Technically it wasn't worth including. And Alicia knew Grace wanted to know if she had cheated on their father. She had always believed the rumors that surrounded her and Will.
Grace nodded solemnly. She was ok with it, well Alicia hoped she was.
…
One afternoon Grace came to the firm with Zach when he was supposed to fix Alicia's computer – again. Alicia spotted them as they came off the elevator and she saw Grace take a wrong turn towards Will's office instead of hers.
"Grace! This way." She shouted and saw the girl smile embarrassed. At that moment, Alicia understood what was going on. Grace was curious to see Will, who she only knew by name.
As they left Zach doing his magic, Alicia asked her daughter:
"Grace, do you want to meet Will?"
"What?"
"I saw you going towards his office when you got here and I wondered if you want to meet him. I've been planning to introduce you, but was willing to wait until you are ready. I don't want to force anything on you guys."
"Actually I do. I do want to know this guy I hear so much about." The girl said in a challenging tone more than a curious one. She had given her ok about their relationship, but not quite her blessing, yet. She was still mourning her parents' marriage.
"Well, unfortunately he is out in court today, but I can arrange dinner at the apartment this week."
She didn't bother to answer with words and only nodded, instead.
Will had never been this nervous in his life. Not even the day of his Grand Jury. Perhaps it matched the day he had met Alicia's father at Georgetown. He could not believe he was such a nervous wreck over two teenagers. The problem was, he knew it was important to Alicia for them to like him, that it would make things easier. He had changed his clothes a hundred times, like a girl going on a date. He thought of bringing them something, but decided against it, because it would seem like he was trying to buy them off. At their age, it would not work; only make them angry. He didn't want to show empty handed either, because his mother had taught him to always bring something to a dinner party. At the last minute he settled for dessert: some of the best chocolate cake in Chicago.
Dinner was really awkward at first. Despite Alicia's attempts at different topics, the conversation wasn't flowing, mostly because Zach was indifferent to it all and Grace was staring at Will. He had dealt with a lot of stiff judges and the most cut-throat lawyers, but this teenage girl was good.
"So, Grace, your mom told me you want to be a lawyer?" He tried one of his last efforts toward conversation and the girl only shrugged.
"That's great. She also told me you have already looked at some books."
"Uhum." She said in a monosyllable, but at least was looking at him this time.
"If you want to, you can spend a day at the firm and I can show you around, what the lawyers are doing, how everything works…"
She was halfway to another shrug, when stopped and looked at him with wide eyes: "Wow! Really?!"
"Do you want to?"
"Of course, I do! Can I come see you in court, too?" She asked excited.
Before answering, he glanced at Alicia over her daughter's head asking for her permission. When she nodded in response, he said:
"Sure. Come whenever you want."
"Great! I have to text Jennifer about it." She ran off the table over to her phone.
He was really good. Alicia knew that from that moment on he had won the girl's approval and she was right. From then on, Grace's attitude towards Will had changed from hostile to really friendly.
Things were finally looking good, and now that she was happy with Will and her kids were okay with the relationship, Alicia was ready to make those moments she saw in her visions come true.