Chapter 10

"Why are you humming? Why do you seem so happy?" Caroline studies Bonnie suspiciously, with narrowed eyes.

It is true. Bonnie has been almost deliriously happy the last two days. She can even now feel the burn of Damon's lips, his hands on her mouth, her cheeks, jaw and neck and shoulders. Thinking about those precious moments, the manner in which he brought her body alive and set it singing, has her shivering in delight, a bright light in her green eyes, the same light that had been in his when he had finally raised his head after their breathless kiss and had looked up at her as if entranced.

"I can hardly believe this is real. Tell me it is so, Bonnie. Tell me it is not a dream."

She smiles shyly, "I did not know...I never thought that you felt this way about me. Sometimes, you would look at me and...and I felt this tingle all over me. But, I did not know what it was. And I was ashamed to notice how beautiful you were, Damon." Her fingers are still tunnelled in his hair and she does not feel she can ever bring herself to let go. Is this what love is, then? This intense pressure in her chest which she feels will grow and burst and leave her in shattered bits if she draws too far from him?

He takes her small hands in his and kisses them, the tip of each finger, a bracelet around her wrists and, last of all, right in the centre of each sensitive palm. Bonnie squirms, both overwhelmed with shyness but also, at the same time, a wish to feel that touch everywhere on her body. "Do not ever be ashamed about any feelings regarding me, cara." He sat back on his heels then, seemingly deep in thought. "I told you, Bonnie. I have probably always loved you, even when I did not know what love truly was. But it took me some time to realise, that you were not a little girl any longer. The last year, you do not know how hard it has been to restrain myself, to not blurt out my feelings. When I saw you with another man, even with Stefan or his friend, Matthew Donovan, it...all I wanted to do was rush in there and swoop you up and never let you go. I am sorry about my conduct regarding Kol Mikaelson, but...Bonnie, I was afraid. Afraid I had lost you by not saying anything, by thinking you too young, by a desire to not frighten you."

She frowns. His possessive words raise some apprehensions within her but she is mature enough to divine that they are born from deep-seated insecurities. "But Damon, you must have known I care nothing for Kol. Why, I hardly know him. How could you even imagine he could compare with you in any way? I might not have known what I felt for you, but I do not feel anything for him at all." A pause, and then a delighted smile. "You called me cara!"

He had smiled then and said she was dear to him, the dearest thing in his world and once more words had dissolved into long kisses and lingering touches. A lot less frantic, almost unbearably tender, Bonnie had discovered there was more than one way to be kissed. She was resolved to discover them all.

But she does not wish to reveal all of this to Caroline. For the first time, there was no driving desire to tell her beloved sister every particular of the event. This was her secret, warm and delicious, lighting a fire in her chest at simply the memory. It was not a crime to keep it to herself a while longer, was it? The world did not need to know immediately. And there was still so much uncertainty after all. They had not spoken much, simply letting their hands and lips get acquainted with each other. Bonnie knows things would not be easy, she knows neither of their families will accept this with great delight. Did they not deserve a few days of unadulterated bliss, without all these concerns getting in the way?

"I am merely excited, Caro. It is our first ball, after all. I am looking forward to it."

"You were not earlier," returns Caroline. "You were anxious about what people might say about your presence, whether they would accept it, whether anyone would invite you to dance. I remember even two days ago you said perhaps you should not go." She is powdering her cheeks carefully, applying perfume on her neck.

Bonnie grimaces under the hands of Maria, her maid, as the latter brushes and twists and winds her unruly curls into something resembling an elegant knot. She tries to affect a careless shrug. "I decided to take your words to heart and enjoy whatever might happen tonight without heeding other people. Besides, I am sure Stefan and Matthew and Damon...and Kol will provide me with enough dance partners." She winces once, before continuing, "Caroline, did you and Stefan have a quarrel?"

"Not exactly," Caroline sounds fretful. "But he does not like Niklaus. He does not like that I spent time with him."

"Do you think Niklaus is attempting to woo you?"

"I do not know, Bonnie. If he is...I do not know what I would do. I am not like you, my father left me little to support myself. Even if Uncle Elijah were to provide a handsome dowry, it still would not amount to very much. I may not have many chances of marriage. If he does ask for my hand..." She breaks off, looking troubled.

"Oh Caro, you are so beautiful, both within and out. I cannot imagine that you would not have a thousand offers. Do not worry so much. And do not marry a man you simply cannot like." After a thoughtful pause, she ventures, "What about Stefan?"

"What about Stefan?" Caroline sighs, snapping on a bracelet. "He has never spoken to me of such matters. He thinks of me as his friend, nothing more."

"But you want something more, do you not? Why not tell him? Friends may become something more."

Caroline casts a sharp glance in her direction, but Bonnie is now fiddling with the catch of a necklace, not looking up. "I do not want to make a fool of myself and embarrass both of us." Bonnie opens her mouth. "And in any case," Caroline continues bitterly. "Giuseppe will murder Stefan before he lets him make a match with a daughter of this house. He has never forgiven Uncle Elijah for 'interfering' in his fathering techniques, so many years ago. Besides, he hates us both."

The necklace catch snaps. Bonnie gazes down at it in astonishment and horror. "He hates me, rather more than you, I suspect," she says bleakly. This is exactly the sort of thoughts she would like to banish from her mind at present. But Caroline has brought up a pertinent point. Bonnie honestly does not know how she and Damon will tackle it.

"Come Bonnie, let us forget these unhappy thoughts for tonight and simply enjoy ourselves." Her smile is determined, she will let nothing ruin this debut for her. Bonnie hesitantly smiles back, and decides to follow her lead.

X

When they alight from the carriage at the Ellisons' and make their way up the front stairs, it is clear that Bonnie and Caroline are amongst the simplest dressed of all the young woman. Bonnie in her cream muslin with elegant lacework and Caroline in pale pink satin with a row of tucks around the hem stand out amongst a sea of bright silks and festoons of ribbons. And if the girls quake from fear of not being grand enough for the festive occasion, in truth they only manage to make the other young ladies look overdressed and stiff in comparison. It takes a reassuring look from Jenna to get the two girls to let go of their fears and meet their hostess with chins raised high.

Mrs. Ellison is polite and gracious, greeting Caroline, Bonnie and then Rebekah with a smile, ushering them in the direction of the ballroom and bidding them to enjoy the event. Enquiries are made about Mrs. Mikaelson and regrets expressed for her inability to attend. At the entrance to the ballroom, the Mikaelson brothers are waiting and due to events completely beyond her control, Bonnie suddenly finds herself descending the grand staircase on Kol's arm.

Her smile is tight and she can only pray that Damon is not present to witness this spectacle. She does not want this, does not wish for anyone to leap to the wrong conclusions. She must speak to Kol, to Papa, explain to them that she cannot accept his advances but a ball is no place for the matter at hand.

Her prayers are not answered.

Bonnie becomes aware of a certain burning gaze on her, about halfway down the stairs. And she cannot look now. If she meets his eyes, she is not sure what he will do, perhaps run up the stairs and snatch her away from Kol. This is not what she had in mind for her first entrance into a ball. Oh Dear Lord, she refused his escort, she promised him Kol was not taking that place, that she would be accompanied by Caro and Miss Mikaelson only. With great resolution, she keeps her eyes from seeking him out, and smiles, looking right ahead. At the bottom of the staircase, people throng. Introductions are made, greetings exchanged, well-bred and banal words dropped like so many worthless handkerchiefs.

For the most part, people are gracious and polite, and if this is touched by some slight condescension, Bonnie makes an effort not to notice, or let it hurt. She notices, much to her astonishment, that the young men are more inclined to be gallant than the women. By the time the dancing is announced, she has already had a few offers for her hand. It annoys her, however, that Kol seems determined to remain by her side and quite clearly considers himself her escort. What annoys her even further is that Damon makes no effort to cross the floor in order to approach her or even to look at her. Whenever she glances in his direction, she can see him charming a pretty young lady or the other, all of whom look prepared to swoon at his feet. Bonnie grinds her teeth, and turns around to offer Kol her most winning smile as she agrees to partner him for the first dance.

Stefan shakes his head as he observes Damon and Bonnie, both in the same set, both ignoring the other in order to gaily flirt with their partners, as they weave and bow, come closer and separate in the movements of the simple dance, eyes and smiles firmly fixed on Phoebe Lockwood and Kol Mikaelson respectively. They are both being ridiculous and he cannot understand why they do not simply talk to one another. His eyes shift to another couple in the same set, and he clenches his fists, admitting that he can sympathise with his brother. Why is she allowing that dog, Niklaus, to dance attendance on her? Is she really so oblivious that she cannot see the family does not have good intentions in mind? Caroline is not usually such a fool! After a moment of intense scrutiny which she can feel but chooses to ignore, he stalks away in the direction of the wine glasses.

Bonnie meanwhile is raging and growing tired of having to hide it under a cheerful smile. That wretch, telling her he loved her only two days ago and then flirting with another woman right in front of her! The innate fairness within her asserts itself for a moment to say that she, who was parading around on Kol's arm, had no right to berate him. But it is not her fault, damnit! How could she help it? She had no control over the situation. Why is he acting this way? If he wants her at his side all he has to do is cross over to them. She'd go willingly!

It is just as she has ended her third dance and her partner is inquiring whether to bring her a glass of wine that Damon appears. "That will not be necessary. The lady is engaged to me for the following dance." Before Bonnie can protest against this high-handed performance, she is swept onto the floor and curtseying to Damon, as he bows frigidly.

It is the daring waltz, newly coming into the ballrooms, where the couples need to be in close contact throughout the dance. Just the thought of it makes Bonnie shiver, especially so when Damon pulls her close, closer than is strictly proper and their ungloved fingers intertwine as he takes her right hand in his left. His other hand burns her waist, through layers of petticoats and dress. She resolutely looks up at his face and makes eye contact. His are flashing with rage again. She is sure hers too possess a similar fire.

And they start.

There are few enough couples on the dance floor that they attract attention. Caroline, dancing with Kol, looks concerned while his face is set in inscrutable lines, his eyes more focused on the couple, than on his partner. But that is alright, her attention is on them too. As is every other person's. There might be others dancing, but Bonnie and Damon, spinning in the centre, the slow sedate turns of the beginning few bars, growing up to a crescendo of movement, are the centre of attraction. Old Mrs. Fleet fans herself with her elegant lace fan. "Good Lord, what are they doing? Such dances would never have been seen in polite company in my heyday!"

Bonnie is not quite sure whether her head is spinning because of the dance, the proximity to Damon or his intense eyes, never moving from her face, even as he twirls and lifts her. He checks and reverses, first clockwise and then anti-clockwise and she follows step for step, as if their bones, no, their minds and hearts and very souls are intertwined and one. Has it been a few minutes since they started? An hour? She does not know. All she knows is that Damon's touch is lighting her up and his eyes are slowly stirring up a maelstrom of emotions within her. Is he truly afraid she might reject him for Kol, that she might put him aside for another man? As if another man can even draw her eyes while Damon lives, perhaps even if he dies. As if she looks at anybody else when he is in the room. In his arms, she feels content, she feels like a feather floating on a gentle breeze, high above the ground. Are their eyes sparring, spitting fire at one another? Even if it is so, their bodies are in complete harmony.

"I cannot tell whether they are duelling or making love on that floor," plain-spoken Jane Donovan says in fascinated tones to her daughter-in-law, who blushes scarlet but cannot take her eyes off the couple.

The music comes to an end on a final mighty chord. The dancers draw apart in order to bow. There is a moment of absolute silence, before the murmurs begin. Damon disregards the sounds, the crowd around him, the reek of disapproval as he takes Bonnie by the fingers and draws her towards a balcony.

"There were a lot of people who just saw that, Damon," she says in a soft voice. "And then, coming out here...it is not decent."

"You danced the waltz with me and now you need some air. There is nothing indecent about it. Let me assure you, you are quite visible to everybody, should they wish to see what we are doing. In fact, I can see your aunt directly across the room." He is tight-lipped with anger. "What is the matter, Bonnie? Regretting what happened between us? Are you thinking you would like to be Mrs. Kol Mikaelson after all?"

"Damon, if you cannot be civil to me I am going to leave! I did not want to have anything to do with Kol, he ambushed me at the top of the stairs! Was I supposed to refuse to accompany him down?"

"Yes, yes you were supposed to refuse!" He hisses, drawing so close Bonnie can feel the heat of him through their clothes. "I cannot bear to see you with him in that manner! Do you have any idea what it was like for me, watching you two descend those goddamned stairs like you were a newly married couple, that bastard oozing pride from every pore? He has no right..." He chokes, his voice agonized. "He is not the one that fought for you, bled for you. He is not the one who felt like an utter failure every time you wept when we were young. Cara, he..."

Oh, she cannot bear this, the sound of his voice, the look on his face. Why can he not understand that Kol does not matter, that her coming down the stairs with him was an accident of circumstances. Why can he not trust her? Be secure in her promises? She asks him.

Damon groans, pacing away from her and towards the stone balustrade. "As I said before, I am afraid. I am afraid you might one day recognise you made a mistake, that you did not really understand your feelings. You...you were not very certain in the first place."

This time, it is she who draws closer to him, with a sigh. And yes, it hurts that Damon cannot bring himself to trust her, to believe in her, but she must remember that his family has not done much to build his trust in humankind, what with Lily's death, seen by a young boy as nothing more or less than abandonment, and Giuseppe's unpardonable cruelty and negligence. Now, she is part of his family, and although she always has been, in a way, this is different, and it is up to her to prove to him that he is worthy of love and faithfulness and devotion. She gently lays a hand on his arm and turns him to face her.

"I am certain. Damon, I love you. And I choose you. Not Kol or anybody else. You have long been my best friend and now, you are an integral part of me. I shall not turn away or change my mind tomorrow. Now, it is your choice. To decide whether you choose me too. And..." she cuts him off as he opens his mouth. "And that means absolute trust. You have to believe that you are good enough, Damon. And that I do not want anybody else. I cannot allow you to stop me from associating with other men. That is not your right. But you will never have cause to worry about my behaviour with them. Flirting with Kol today was ill-done, but I was angry. It will not happen again, if you can promise that you will give us a proper chance. And a relationship built on trust."

He gives a rueful smile. "I have acted like a jealous freak, have I not? And made a proper fool of myself? I am sorry, Bonnie. I...I just lost my head when I saw you with him. I do trust you, I let my dislike for that man dictate my behaviour. I am sorry, truly. I will try harder, I promise. It will not always be easy, you know I have a certain past. But I shall not let that dictate my future. I love you, cara. If you give me another chance, I promise not to destroy it."

"Bonnie," Stefan is standing by the large French doors. He looks guarded. "It would be best for you to come inside now. Jenna sent me to fetch you. It is time to go in for supper."

She looks at Damon uncertainly but he nods with a soft smile. "Go. I will speak with you later." If she was not so visible, she would have liked to go into his arms and sought the comfort of their strength. She thinks they both need it. But, as it is, she goes to Stefan and slips her hand through his arm. Strengthened by his encouraging smile, she turns back towards the ballroom. "Are people talking about me?"

"Yes. But then, they always have. You have a decision to make now. Will you let it bother you?"

Bonnie throws back her head, "No, I will not."

x-x

Hope you enjoy that. I don't know anything about dancing so I could have made a mess of the description, I don't know. I struggled with this chapter. Once my exams are out of the way, maybe I'll do a better job. And do not worry, their relationship will not be all angst. There are some sweet moments coming up.

Cara – 'dear' or 'beloved' in Italian

Thank you for all your reviews. Please try to leave one on this chapter too.