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PART X
S-T-A-T-U-S-Q-U-O
Finnick kept tossing and turning, without finding himself any closer to falling completely asleep. Peeta hadn't come down, and it was past midnight. He'd barely eaten a morsel at dinner, and immediately escaped to the attic. Having enough with his insomnolence, Finnick went in search of his Peeta. Fuck the commissioned paintings, he thought.
The door was closed and no sound came from the room. Finnick knocked on the door, and received no reply. Deciding to simply enter, he opened it and found no Peeta inside. Where was he? Closing the door, he thought of another place Peeta would have gone into hiding. No lights illuminated over the destroyed indoor garden, but Finnick knew exactly where Peeta was. Remembering where the bench was situated, he walked in darkness towards its location.
"Go back to bed, Finn. I'll be there soon."
Finnick sat beside him and searched for the closest hand to grasp. Once he found it, he squeezed it. "Do you want me to fix the garden? I guess I should, if not it is a wasted space… we could transform it for another use-"
"Katniss loved it here. I think she spent all the time she could in this space, talking to her sister-"
Finnick flinched at the mention of her, and he reacted back without restrain.
"Do you want to fuck her? Is that what keeps you up at night? Do you want to fuck her until you don't want anymore? Maybe you've done it already-"
Peeta closed his eyes, even if it would not help him find inner peace. Dropping Finnick's hand, he clenched both hands on his forehead.
"It hurts me, that you would think of me capable of betraying you. No, I'm not here wasting the night away 'cause I want to fuck her. I have a question of my own. Did you destroy it only because it reminds you of your other father?"
Finnick huffed, not liking Peeta's prying into his past. Finn didn't miss the deflection tactic. Now it was Peeta who found his hand, squeezing back.
"I had a moment of weakness, that resulted in an alcohol induced-rage and this place suffered for the consequences. I needed to vent. I think it was a better choice, than someone. I won't deny it was providence I didn't see Katniss on my way here…perish the thought. As for Seneca Crane, that bastard may rot in the deepest pits of hell before I call him my father. There are things from my past…things I've hidden from you, and from myself. You only know very superficially that I used my physical attributes to get ahead. But there are more sinister things lurking in the shadows… Life in the high society of the Capitol implies many skeletons are buried behind closed doors. I don't want to discuss them, Peeta. It is safer that way, for the both of us. Why are you here in the darkness? Why haven't you come to bed? How did it go with Snow?"
Finnick stopped his barrage of questions, as he was breathless and frustrated with Peeta's removed emotional state.
"Have you ever been inside the Presidential Palace?"
"Yes, with my father. I was very young, but I remember the opulence and the men entering the many rooms. My father didn't take me there again. Personally, I haven't received an invitation."
Peeta touched Finnick's face, "Have you ever seen an Avox?"
"Once, that night. A woman. She was dressed in red. And her mouth-"
Peeta added the rest, "Was sewn shut. I saw one today, but her breasts and genitals were exposed. You told me, Snow had a new toy. I saw him, too. He must be our about our age, with dark hair and gray eyes, so reminiscent of Katniss… He is tall and must have been strong once, but now he's been beaten and looks emaciated. His eyes… a blank stare that made me wonder if his spirit still lies within him. Shit, Finn I'm not even supposed to be talking about this… every time I think of what I saw, my stomach turns. I fucking puked my guts out in the President's bushes. How am I going to survive making this piece for him? I gave him my word, and I'm bound to it, and so are you. Snow stood there waiting for my oath, I swore to uphold it. He owns our lives, Finn. All for a fucking painting of a condemned man. Snow wants to remember his toy after his execution. I would give anything to simply forget every aspect of what I witnessed inside that prison. Even his son wants to escape it. I-I want it to be over, Finn."
Finnick embraced Peeta, kissing his eyelids and mouth aimlessly. Inside his mind, he thought of ways to protect him and somehow erase all the cruelty Peeta observed. Impotency wasn't something he enjoyed.
Snow and his horror shows were just one of the best kept secrets in the Capitol. The Law was surely blind to certain transgressions, done behind the protection of privilege with very few willing to expose it, to be tried and be punished. Who would dare bring to justice the man responsible for the Law itself?
Like it was yesterday, his mind played back the day his father attested to the crime committed by Seneca Crane. His other father had no love for him, it had been blatant all throughout his young life. He even confessed his jealousy and disdain inside his beloved garden. But indifference and verbal abuse wasn't enough for Crane.
When Finnick was twelve, he was betrayed by the one sworn by the Law, to protect, nurture and love him, as a father should. His innocence and body were defiled for the sadistic enjoyment of a demented, resentful partner. Luckily, Finnick's father found them. He witnessed how his son had tried to scream and defend himself. His father tore Crane from him and proceeded to almost beat him to death. He stopped himself, but the damage was extensive to the face and torso. Crane was practically unrecognizable.
It was Mags who'd come to Finnick, holding him softly and sobbing for her boy. Also, it was the first time he saw her act violently against her father, demanding he do something, kill if he had to. He expected his father to explode and hit her, but strangely he simply stared at her and then embraced her. Her tears soddened his shirt, and her hands touched his face beseechingly.
How did this garden still exist? His father should have burned it down back then.
Tristan Odair had taken the stand, in front of every citizen of the Republic, declaring the annulment of his union to Seneca Crane, stating his testimony of his iniquity against his son, and demanding swift justice, death. Odair wasn't going to be appeased with just Crane dead, he asked for a public execution, to serve as warning to all those who thought this type of crime would remain exempt to the authority of the Law.
Seneca Crane was found guilty of the most vile offense under the Law, a father sexually abusing his child. But is death wasn't enough. Finnick never got his father back.
They walked back to their room, Finnick helping Peeta with his clothes, and Peeta reciprocating. Side by side, facing each other, in their bed, Finnick held Peeta closer.
"I wish I could delete this day from your mind… protect you from it tormenting you again. I know you think I'm cruel and dismissive, while your poor heart suffers from seeing all these disturbing things. I can't and won't allow them to consume me. You need to erect a wall, find it within you. It is the only way to survive, Peet. Even that man has done it. His detached affect is his way of coping with the hell he's enduring. I'm sure in the inside, he's screaming and ranting. We are screaming on the inside, Peeta. Don't be fooled by the cool and happy exteriors, everyone hides it under aloofness. But know this, I love you, and try to forget Snow's threat. Concentrate on finishing the commissioned painting as fast as you are able. Hide it from Mags, if she goes up there to clean after you. Lock the room. No one else can see it. No one. It would mean death for both of us…Now… let me love you, like I've wanted to do all night…"
Peeta turned on his back, using his hands to hold Finnick on top of him. He brushed his hands on his back, ending their trail on his backside, grasping it.
"Love me."
Afterwards, sleep finally caught up with them, but not before Finnick's last thought was that maybe thing were looking up.
S-T-A-T-U-S-Q-U-O
While the men of the house reconciled their differences, Katniss was left to contemplate her fate. Not even the morning sickness and Mags's hovering could make her forget, that a test would decide the rest of her life. Finnick stayed away from her, and didn't take part in any conversation pertaining to her. Peeta still gave a smile, but he didn't search for her company or asked her opinion on his art. His eyes and face appeared haggard. His latest painting seemed to be draining him of his usual happy disposition, leaving instead a ghost of himself. It was Finnick and his persistent attentions, that brought him back to life.
The testing day had arrived, the seventh week of her pregnancy. Both of the fathers to be were present, eager to know the result. Finnick acted confident that it was boy. Meanwhile, Peeta's legs were restless, as his knee kept bouncing. He pinched his nose, trying to ease the tension headache splitting his head in two. He couldn't fathom how calm Finnick conducted himself. He was completely sure there was nothing to worry about. Katniss kept her head down, sitting with her hands on her lap. But Peeta noticed she was kept pulling her fingers and biting her lower lip raw.
Finally, the doctor called them into his office. Silence permeated for several minutes, as the doctor read the test result.
"Well, Mr. Odair, Mr. Mellark, I have the most unfortunate news… the child is female. Everything seems in-between the normal ranges. As we discussed before, the option of terminating and trying again in a few months-"
"NO! NO! Please! Please! Don't kill my baby, I beg you… please. I'll do anything…"
Katniss had fallen to her knees in front of her Masters, pleading for the daughter she may never get to hold. Katniss immediately imagined her looking like her sister, with her blonde locks and blue eyes…Oh no, this has to be a nightmare… wake up, Katniss! Fucking wake up! She kept pleading, as she couldn't let them kill her baby. The doctor cleared his throat, looking expectantly for any of them to punish Katniss' insolence. Finnick wanted to throttle her for acting this way.
"GET. UP. Not another word out of you. Thank you, doctor. We'll be in touch."
Peeta heard the words, "the child is female," in loop inside his head. He was having a daughter, not a son; not the perfect version of himself that Finnick envisioned with his blue eyes and blonde curls. His eyes turned to Katniss, her body trembling, as she tried to hold her sobs, her arms trying to hold her together. He felt tempted to embrace her, but remembered where they were.
He had sired a daughter… a girl who would be taken from him, never to see her grow up, hold her in his arms, kiss her cheek good night. Once she was born, the Republic would dictate her destiny, to serve the greater good of Panem. They had been words before… but now he was fully understanding what those words meant, how the Law directed their lives, bound them to its will. Was it mercy killing the baby now? Dread spread throughout his body at his errant thought.
Finnick hid behind his mask of confidence, keeping it together in front of Peeta. But the devastating result shattered his yearnings for Peeta's son. He wanted to blame someone for this calamity. He sneered at Katniss and her sniveling. Why did he choose her? She had been a thorn on his side, causing havoc in his home and his relationship with Peeta. And now this…a female child grew inside her womb and biology didn't lie. Never mind the fact a man's seed was responsible for the sex of the child. He would charge her for this setback.
Taking a cleansing breath, Finnick thought of their options, but knowing Peeta; he wouldn't allow abortion as a viable option. Resigning himself to this, he pictured living with a pregnant Katniss for the next thirty plus weeks until the birth. What a waste, another child bound to interminable service to the Republic. A dull pain settled on the pit of his stomach. Finnick rubbed his side, but it wouldn't abate. It was his guilt physically manifesting, for Finnick was the only one responsible for their current predicament. He had wanted a son, Peeta's son, only he wasn't getting it. His desires had catalyzed a chain reaction set to obliterate what he loved most. The Law had been on his side then, yet now paved the road of most assured heartbreak.