Here's the newest chapter! Once again, thank you all for your follows/favorites and kind words. I haven't been able to get Inquisition yet so I should have another chapter out this week. After that I'm definitely going to be MIA romancing Cullen. (Can you blame me?) Anyway, hope you like it!

Hawke

"You're drunk?" Anders hissed. He twisted his staff and sent a wave of sharp icicles at the charging gang. "What are you doing down here?"

"Well, I didn't exactly expect to be fighting stupid criminals," she pointed out. Marian kicked one straggler back and Anders shot a bolt of powerful magic into him. "No offense," she shrugged at said stupid criminal.

"I wanted to see if you were okay," Marian added. "You seemed...hmm, pensive earlier. Well you're always pensive, but earlier it wasn't a good pensive. Do you catch what I'm getting at?"

Anders simply grunted as he shot another spell, shattering one of the men. Marian scowled.

Another burly sword-wielding man neared but at close range she couldn't fail, inebriated or not. She shot an arrow into his chest before he could swing at her.

"Ha!" She laughed as he gurgled and collapsed. "See, I'm alright!"

But Anders was not. He was shooting off spells at the two remaining warriors but the mage in the back of the alley had lifted a dagger from his robes. Blood magic. Her vision swayed but Marian didn't need to see the evidence to feel the dark energy in the small space of the alley. The power crackled and made her hair stand on end.

She nocked and arrow and fired but it skittered across the ground at the mage's feet. Shit. He noticed her attention and brought the dagger to his palm. Red power surged around him as he summoned a demon. No, no, no, no. Marian's clumsy fingers struggled to ready another arrow.

Maker, if this works I'll stop going to the tavern with Isabela for good. Well, maybe we'll just go once a week. The mage's eyes began to roll back into his head and he let out a deep inhuman laugh. Oh shit.

Marian wasted no more time on prayers and shot another arrow. This time her aim rang true, piercing the man's head and sending him tumbling to the ground before the demon could be unleashed.

She jumped up and let out a cheer. "Gotcha!"

Her glee was short-lived however. The leader had powered past Anders' spells and was charging at her at full speed. There was no way she could fire an arrow in time.

Marian reached for her dagger but was too late. The man rushed her with his shield and knocked her to the cold wet ground, sending the weapon flying. She scrambled to grab it but her world was spinning. Suddenly the ale she'd been drowning in all night climbed to the surface of her throat as she turned and purged into the dirt. Well this is embarrassing.

The man laughed and pulled out his sword. "Pathetic. Maybe you should think twice before challenging the big boys. So much for saving your man, huh darling?"

Ugh. This was really embarrassing. Marian wiped her mouth and groaned. "What can I say? You caught me on an off day."

"Well, it's about to get worse," he sneered. He raised his sword and prepared to strike, but Marian's gaze caught something glowing cobalt behind him.

"For you maybe," she smirked.

The man's face paled in horror as his body quickly froze solid. Anders pushed him with his staff and watched as he shattered at his feet.

"You meet the nicest people in Darktown," Marian sighed.

"Like you, apparently," Anders chuckled. He reached out a hand and hoisted her to her feet. The mage held her arm and examined the rip on her tunic at her elbow. "C'mon, let's clean you up."

"It's just a scrape," she shrugged. She was honestly more concerned about her ripped and dirty tunic. She'd borrowed it from Bethany and promised to return it clean and intact. Oops. "I'm fine."

But he insisted, leading her back to his clinic and making her sit on one of the cots like one of the real wounded and sick he took care of everyday. Marian studied his back as he mixed a salve for her bloody elbow.

"So what were you doing in the alleyway?" She asked. "Organizing a meeting with the Mage Underground? Setting up a trap for the templars? Oh wait, I know—feeding the mousers again?"

He hesitated, his shoulders stiff beneath his tattered feathered pauldrons. "I was going to see you."

Her heartbeat quickened. "You were?"

"Yes." he turned with a small mixture in his hand and crouched on the floor beside where she sat on the cot. "This might sting a bit."

"Why where you coming to see me?" She asked. The salve did sting as he smoothed it over the small would but she ignored the pain, focusing on his warm brown eyes as they moved across her skin.

"The same reason you came to see me. You seemed...upset. And I was worried about you. It's not like you to let things bother you for long and I worried you and Isabela..."

"Would get drunk and act reckless. Some fearless leader I am," she laughed bitterly.

"You're young. You're allowed to be a bit reckless and make mistakes. I know I've made my share." Anders put the mixture down and reached for bandages but Marian was on her feet and pacing.

"I couldn't even hold it together for one night to fight off some idiotic thugs. You had to step in and save me." She was the one who usually did the saving. Marian sighed and rubbed her temple. Maybe the headache coming on meant she was sobering up.

"Marian." Anders stood close behind her, his breath tickling her ear. "You're not invincible. But you're the bravest, most selfless woman I know. Believe me when I say you could lead me anywhere and I would follow."

She wanted to believe it. She wanted to close her eyes and let his words melt down into her core. But she couldn't.

"You don't know me, Anders." Marian turned around to meet his eyes, painful as it was. "I'm not the hero Varric makes me out to be in his stories. I'm not...that's not me."

"You know, I did wonder about whether you'd taken out a dragon with one punch," he chuckled softly. Marian barely cracked a smile, too absorbed in her own guilt. Anders' expression grew serious as he studied her. "Is it what the Witch of the Wilds said?"

"All her talk of change and the plummet of the world…" Marian sighed. "Carver was the one who wanted to be the hero, not me. He was so eager to step up and be a leader instead of the baby of the family. When we were escaping Lothering I didn't even try to stop him when he rushed ahead." Marian's voice broke as the deluge of memories flooded her. "I-I am…was his older sister. I should have done something. Instead I stood by while he got crushed to death by an ogre."

Her eyes were glassy with tears now and she looked down in shame. She had no desire to see the same flash of resentment in Anders' face as she had on her Mother's that day. Marian even found traces of disappointment in Bethany's expression on quiet lonely days at Gamlen's, though she knew her sister never intended it.

Instead, warm arms enveloped her as Anders pulled her close. For some reason the contact made her feel even more fragile and she buried her face in his robes as a few fat tears descended down her cheeks.

"It's not your fault," he murmured. "If he was even remotely like the Carver I met as a boy, there was no telling him to stand back away from the action."

Marian squeezed her eyes shut to fight the tears. Anders barely even knew Carver and even he could see the bravery there.

"You couldn't make him do anything," she sniffed. "Stubborn little shit."

Anders' laugh reverberated through her. "I recall thinking you were more alike than you cared to admit. Especially when you scowl."

Marian couldn't fight the small laugh that burst from her lips. He was right. She and Carver were terrors whenever they were together. Father always joked they were too much alike, earning him defiant glares from both of them.

She reluctantly pulled away from Anders' embrace, despite his warmth. She wiped her wet cheeks with the sleeve of poor Bethany's ripped tunic. "Maker, I miss him. Do you miss Karl?"

Anders looked a bit taken aback. "I do. It had been some time since we'd been…close." He cleared his throat. "But, I regret his death everyday."

Close? Marian tilted her head, studying the remorse on her friend's face. She knew he had friends in the Wardens but he'd never spoke of them like that. Marian remembered the anguish on his face as he faced the tranquil mage and the way he'd completely lost control. Suddenly, realization hit her.

"Oh," she whispered. "I-I'm so sorry, Anders. I hadn't realized…"

He shrugged dejectedly. "It was another lifetime. But I owe Karl a great deal. I sometimes wonder if I'd have even tried to escape had I not been under his wing."

Marian eyed him with a small smile on her lips. "I have a feeling you would have. I don't think you could ever successfully be locked up."

Anders chuckled. "You're probably right. But I'm afraid we have more interesting topics to tend to besides my love life." The mage gestured to her wounded elbow and nodded towards the cot where he had been attending to her before she decided to trudge up old wounds and cry all over his already tattered wreck of a jacket.

Marian harrumphed and took a seat. As Anders knelt on the floor beside her to examine her cut she tried not to think of the way he cradled her arm so gently and the tingling feeling his fingers left on her skin. Marian's mind wandered to what it would feel like to be here with him on the cot under different circumstances.

Did he ever look at her the way she caught herself looking at him? Isabela had licked her lips and said he gazed but what did that mean really? Did his heart still belong to Karl or one of his conquests on the road?

"The salve has cleaned it quite a bit but I'm afraid I'll have to give you a few stiches to close it properly."

Marian blinked back to reality. "Uh right. Sure."

The mage raised a brow but didn't comment, taking out a small medical it from under the bed. Marian studied him curiously as he prepared to stitch her wound. As he raised a needle and threat to her skin she asked, "Have you been intimate with anyone since you and Justice…teamed up?"

The needle fell from his fingers onto his lap. "What?" he croaked.

"You know, intimate. Hmmm. I'm trying to think of a metaphor that's not too dirty," she started.

"I think they're all rather dirty," he said quickly as he retrieved the needle. "I know what you meant. I, ah, thought I mentioned I'm not the type to seek quick trysts in taverns anymore. This might hurt."

Marian barely winced as he slid the needle into her skin. "Being intimate isn't restricted to drunken meaningless sex. You haven't been…close with anyone since leaving the Grey Wardens?"

Something flashed in his brown eyes as he looked at her. No, not just looked. Isabela was right. He did gaze.

"Not physically."

"Oh."

"What about you?" he asked. Anders finished sewing her cut together and raised an eyebrow expectantly.

"What about me?" Marian asked with a laugh. There was no way she was willingly airing her embarrassingly limited list of conquests.

A small smile formed on his lips. "You're very quick to pick apart my romantic life, but I notice you're hesitant to share your own experiences." He hesitated before continuing. "It's been a long time since Ostagar. Did you…move on after your Ash Warrior?"

"I had a few very brief…interactions when I first arrived in Kirkwall. Not everyone in Athenril's group of smugglers was a hardened criminal—some were just lonely and trying to get by. Like me," she admitted. "It was never anything serious. Just distractions pulling me away from what I should have been doing. Now I'm where I need to be."

It was true. She was only a few sovereigns away from being able to join the Deep Roads expedition. There in the underground was the key to Bethany's freedom, her mother's title, and her own salvation as the leader of their family. But for some reason her words felt hollow.

"Do you still feel lonely?" Anders' voice was barely a whisper. His hand left her elbow to gently brush a piece of her hair out of her eyes, forcing her to look up at him. The gesture made her shiver.

His brown eyes were rimmed with purple shadows. Did he ever sleep? Marian always saw him as so strong, all cocky quips and raised brows. And he was powerful. Not like she expected mages to look—small and meek from years away from the sunshine, trapped in a tower. There was a power about him, not just from his magic but the broad shoulders and calloused hands he'd gained in the Grey Wardens.

But now he looked so fragile and worn. Kneeling beside her he almost looked afraid, as if her touch could burn him.

"I…I—," Marian sputtered, unsure of how to respond. She took a breath. Screw it. She'd been honest with him so far. Why lie now? Marian gulped and reached out to trace her thumb over the sharp line of his jaw, moving up to the stubble of his cheeks. No going back now. "Yes."

"Marian," Anders breathed, closing his eyes. "I…can't."

"Can't what?" Marian could barely hear him over the frantic beating of her heart. All she could think about was the distance between them. How easy it would be to bridge those few inches.

"I can't risk hurting you," he said. He caught her hand in his and set it gently down to the cot. "Even being around me puts you at risk."

Marian scowled and scooted forward, bringing them almost chest-to-chest. "I'm fairly capable of taking care of myself. I'm not the girl you met in the woods all those years ago."

Anders shook his head. "You think I don't know that? I dreamed of you for years, this beautiful cunning girl I could never have, never thinking I would ever really know you. You were just an idea, a vision. But this," he brought a hand to his heart. "Is real. You're real. And I would die before I break your heart."

Marian couldn't breathe, couldn't think straight. She felt comfort, lust, fear, and finally anger.

"You can't just say that and expect me not to feel anything!" she exclaimed. "Getting to know you these past few months…. Anders, you could never break my heart." She bit her bottom lip down hard. The only time it feels whole is when I'm with you.

"I could. And I will. You saw what I did in that Chantry." He hung his head. "I'm not the man you're looking for. I'll only hurt you. I—I'm sorry."

There was finality in his tone. Marian frowned but took a deep breath and got to her feet. "I should go. Bethany is probably worried."

Anders stood with her. "It's late. Let me walk you home." He reached out a hand but froze and brought it back to his side. "Please."

Marian was tired and sore, and maybe starting to feel a bit hung-over already, but she had her pride and she needed space to think.

"No, thank you," she said coolly. "I'll be fine."

She hoped she was right.