Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight.
chap 9 Pt2
New Years Eve Continued
Edwards internal monologue – Part 2
I can feel her body heat but still not see her, it was frustrating not seeing my Bella in my arms but at least I could feel her heart pounding away next to me, we stayed still like this as the clock ticked the seconds by on the mantel piece, I could have stayed feeling her warmth the length of my body for every. I felt her relax a little and fit herself to my stone shape just like she used to as emotions engulfed me, my stomach jittered and the muscles beneath spasmed as her hand touched and slowly settled where my shirt had ridden up after I threw my arms over my head, the burning heat warming the last of the Mountain Lion I consumed before I started my journey here, the feeling swelled my heart and I felt that tiny tear drop of hers inside me soak into my stone heart making it tingle and pulsate like a mini heart beat.
I pulled her closer to me without thinking, a response to this feeling, her legs found their place on mine, I felt her head snuggle in, when I looked down at where I felt she was I saw her, she was looking up at me, I don't think she knew I could see her but our eyes locked all the same. I heard nothing from the room, not ticking clock no voices of the others it was just us, inside her bubble again. I could die now knowing I was back with my love in my embrace.
Her moist blue eyes made me feel as if she was searching for my soul, the only words I could think of rushed from my mouth as I lost myself deeper in her gaze "your alive" her smile was the same smile that greeted my daily daydreams so beautiful so warm. She nodded and to my surprise said "I didn't kill you"
"What do you mean?" I was a little startled by this statement but did not lose my gaze from hers, or want to break this moment.
"They told me I killed you"
"Who?" I was not sure if my family had said that or
"The Volturi"
I was furious, my anger boiled up inside me but I was too lost in her mesmerising presence to let is show, I did not want to do anything to break this connection, the tingling in my heart matched that which buzzed around us, it felt like it was binding us, all I wanted now was to kiss those perfect lips, hold that glorious face in my hands. My anger was subsiding as my need to be with her become more dominant, even after so long her affect on me is still astounding.
She stunned me when she said "I'm glad my guard caught me, if he had not done his job I'd not be here" she squeezed herself in to me and her hand moved further upwards to my chest lifting my shirt, I had no idea what she meant, it was like she was talking in riddles as felt her flesh touching mine, little windows to her past I would have to find the way to ask her knowing Carlisle will not disclose what she has already told them.
My need for her was overpowering my anger and need to take revenge I savoured the sensation as her heat saturated my ice cold sides forcing me to submit defeat. Part of me was starting to wonder if she would be getting cold being this close to me but she never shivered not once. Which was good as I did not want to lose this feeling right now as I recall, I had set my mind on being closer to her than this, a promise I made her that we would try after we were married, it seems those thoughts are still with me, the idea of placing a thick blanket between us was not a happy one but I loved my human and hated knowing she suffers because of me.
"are you cold" I asked out of habit she shook her head, wafting scent from her hair towards me, she still used strawberry shampoo, I have the bottle she used in the bathroom back at the cabin I built, when I have been really low I'd take a long hot shower and lose myself in the stream washing in these products filling the room with the aroma's she wore saturating my body with every scent of hers I could apply, if I hugged a hot towel I could almost convince myself she there.
"your still beautiful, you know" I said my heart speaking for itself, I moved to my side finding I could now move all my limbs normally, pulling her closer, she kissed my chest her fingers pushing a gap in the buttons so her lips touched my skin, so much emotion washing through me this simple act made my breathing hitch embarrassingly loudly I was glad her shield was masking us from my family. I would so wish to be totally alone with her, without them to hear us. I would ask if she wanted to remove my shirt?, We would lay like that before she went missing the feeling of her hands unrestrained, the feeling of her breath on my skin made it prickle I wanted that feeling back to grant her the same access, to surrender myself to her.
Her hand touched and stroked my throat I knew what her thought was behind this move, she did it so many times before, "do you still burn with me so close" she said, 'burn' she has not used that with me before, I tried not to use words like burn to express the discomfort her scent had on me, someone must have used them, I shook my head, melting in her presence "no" I said as I breathed out contentedly.
"Does my scent not affect you at all? You know... Your drug of choice" she asked as if remembering our conversations and my descriptions of how she affected me.
I smiled briefly thinking about it "your scent is still very much my drug of choice" my face beaming with the honesty I spoke of, "but it does not have the same affect on... the monster... I am in control of that part of me now" I answered truthfully.
"Oh!" she seemed.. but I'm not sure without reading her mind, surprised in a good way "OK.. good" she looked thoughtful before she said "I want to try something" it was in a tone I'd know her use before, when she's calculating her options, she pushed herself up so she was closer to my face, I felt her run her fingers over my face again, much as she did in the meadow all those years ago.
They crossed my lips and across my eyes making me close them, the scent from her hand alone was heavenly and making my head spin with the possibilities, I was partially distracted my the millions of possibilities when I felt her lips on mine, I opened my eyes to see hers open and staring into my the depths of my soul, I pulled her further into the kiss more than I'd not dared to before, her mouth moved encouragingly to mine more than it didn't when we kissed before she left, she'd forgotten the danger that lay the other side of my lips as I felt her tongue skimmed over them, I instantly pulled her away scared at we would push this too far.
She smiled at me, I felt breathless and shocked, "Sorry" she said "I won't kiss you again, I felt.. it doesn't matter. sorry" what does she mean won't kiss me again, did she misconstrue my reason for stopping as rejection?
"no... no" I pleaded tried to reclaim the situation "it's my venom, if I lose control I can" her fingers hushed my mouth as they danced in a very controlling manner.
"only if you bite" she said in a matter of fact way.
"What would you know of that, it's too dangerous" I blurted at her, I instantly wished I hadn't as she pulled away and sat up, her expression changed to one of hard, defiance, it was kind of cute on her but I did not like the dead and most deathly way her eyes were, it was no longer an angry kitten look I used to laugh at, my gut knotted as I feared what she was about to say as her intake of breath indicated I was about to get told something I may not like.
"I know, because I've seen" I swallowed hard knowing I was about to get a glimpse at her Volturi past "my guards wanted to know how you kiss me and not bite or consume, they were not allowed to touch me so they experimented" I hid my relief as she said 'they were not allowed' but I could see my relief at this small blessing was about to be shattered "What they did, how they experimented, was appalling" she turned pale as her eyes flashed with the memory "but it did not burn the humans, not how I remember it to feel when James... or change them" I flinched when's he said that monsters name, she touched her scar from that day and smiled, her eyes flicked upwards, if I were to believe what I saw it looked like she offered a prayer? She said human as if she were one of us, her disassociation with her kind disturbing me a little.
"Aro made them dispose of their experiments when he found out, I had to watch the final demonstration of what Venom can do" her eyes flashed to me with a look of ... understanding? Remembering how to reading her was hard without access to her mind "I understand your concerns for turning me. Except these humans did not make it they were killed before they opened their eyes" I was mortified, she'd witnessed the change it is not something a human especially My precious Bella should be subjected too, what damage had that sight done to her psychologically?
Before I could pass comment she continued "venom... unless in my blood stream will not turn me" she said with a smile "it still heals, you told me that part, but if ingested, absorbed it works differently, fixes other parts of you like my shield, I healed internally little faster too back then.. my guards and their hatred and fear of me put a little venom in my food and drink, I think to poison me but it didn't.. It meant I could push my shield not just to stop Aro from my thoughts which it did anyway but after some help from Fred and lots of practice I learned how to pull it down over me a little, it exhausted me but it was affective when Fred was not there to protect me"
I pulled her into me scanning her looking for signs of madness, my brain filtering what she said, this Fred again, who was he, the only Fred I recall hearing about with any gifts was from the mind of the newborn before she died her thoughts were of a grotesque creature, a friend, she thought he would be in Canada? Was this the same person?.. Why would a guard help her, don't get me wrong I am eternally grateful for this service but it goes against the will of Aro?
I scanned her lips as I mulled over the barbaric experiment she witnessed and kissed her to find I was pulling her closer to me, I put my tongue between my teeth, I'm not taking any chances with their sharpness, I let my lips part a little as her tongue flicked and encircled them an involuntary groaned of pleasure escaped me as I felt her tongue touch mine and my inside felt like the Fourth of July, my heart left my body as it burst into flames at the feelings that now swamped me.
I pushed my tongue to feel the shape of her mouth, the texture of her lips as I listened to her heart beat faster and feeling her body react in a way I'd not experienced before as a moan in reply came from her lips the vibration and tone of which made the knot in my stomach tighten as I caught my breath, I could hardly stand it the temptation to take her completely it was too great, thoughts and images in my head of how I wanted her close to me seemed to make the fire I felt burn more feverishly with each touch of our tongues.
I felt my cold dead heart warmed by her single tear took to pulsating four times putting me off my mental efforts to control the urge to pull her onto my lap and... I could not, should not think such things but the elation in my chest at these four pusses I felt was unexplainable. Overwhelming it felt as if the closer to her I got the more it felt as though it wanted to beat again?
She pulled way, snapping me from my inner self, I instantly recognised the giddiness she used to suffer when we were this close and our need for each other overwhelmingly intoxicating, she was more in control that I was, as I watched her body relaxed from its tensed position gripping at mine. It felt like she locked herself in place so not to follow her bodies desires, I felt an intense heat emanating at my leg where the top if hers were pressed close to mine.
Her head rested on my chest and I wrapped my arms round her feeling her body unlock and her relax further, I kissed her head, "I love you" I uttered into her hair, she shook her head "why won't you believe me, has too long passed? Have you moved on?" I asked she shook her head again. "What is it then? Why can you not see how much you mean to me?"
"How can you say that?, I'm old, fat... I married someone else, he hated what I looked like, why shouldn't you be the same? If you see me, what I look like, I cannot live with that again" she said, I felt her tears soak into to shirt as she fought with her emotions. She is wrong, I fell in love with who she is, not her looks although I have to admit she is still stunning, mature now but still with a fantastic curve to her figure from what I feel with my arms around. I like what I feel, she feel right for her age, right for my arms, made to measure why is she torturing herself? Why does she never see herself clearly?
"I love you, for you, I've spent the last twenty years looking for you, dreaming of you every day. praying I/we will find you" I felt her move to leave me pulling my arm from her shoulder, I moved it to her lower as she pushed it off her again to rest at her back to pull her back to me so she could not move.
"Don't, let me go please" I refused to move as her hand grabbed mine to move it "don't touch me there" there was some concern in her voice as she fruitlessly pulled at my hand, her body temperature changed and I felt my now healed body vibrate as it did seconds before she vanished outside.
"no wait" I said taking her hand with my free one to hold it fast, leaving my arm supporting her from falling off the couch as I did this I felt something under her clothes, at first I thought it was the hem of the top she wore under the dress but this was not that, it was all over her lower back, up as far as I could turn my hand without letting her go at least, I daren't follow it down past her backside that was not a move I was prepared to make "What happened.. " I asked unable to find the words my brain knowing the answer already as my hands followed deep pucked skin.
"Nothing leave me alone" she said. She did not feel like this the night I left her, something had happened.
"Bella, please what happened to you?" I was concerned, really concerned someone had hurt her, damaged her, is this what she meant when she said I'd not like what she was hiding?
"show me" I felt her struggle to get away her eyes were wide with fear as I held her tight, stopping her from rolling away, then she did something I was not expecting she rolled on top of me, her legs either side of my hips the burning heat from her core was directly across my pelvis, I was trying not to react to its call as her face never left mine, she had become free from my grip as I was about to take hold of her she pushed herself to my chest making my mind scream at me with options to keep her where she was then she flung her legs over the back of the couch and vanished from my sight.
Alice's thoughts and vision came to me loud and clear "Edward, she's behind the couch and she's about to run out the doors, take care Edward stop her" I watched her mind as the doors opened and her foot prints barely visible in the indent her shield made in the snow I saw the direction she would run, 'be quick Edward'
I saw the doors open before me and my heart felt like lead I knew she was leaving, I forced my body to ran finding my strength driven by my need for her. As I exited the house I saw Emmett's thoughts he was comforting Rosalie who was fighting with one of her many Royce related demons, she was expressing gratitude for us saving her, as Carlisle's venom repaired her body so you'd never know what they did, Emma's has not. I picked up on others of my family the end of a discussion where they obviously had been discussing aspects of Bella's past while I could not hear, I'd missed something about this dammit.
What does Rosalie mean 'Emma's has not', Emma is Bella the same person so what's the connection. I let this run in my head as I watched the path Bella would take and the indentations appear. I managed to block the way feeling something soft roll off me, the indentation in the snow looked like suddenly larger as if she were on the floor, I tried to touch her but my hand just slid off as if I were reaching to touch somewhere else. This was infuriating I was mad at myself for pushing this. Will I ever learn?
I dropped to my knees defeated, desperate not to lose her and apologising, the pain in my heart was like I was being torn in two, "Bella, Please.. Don't go, Don't leave now, please. I'm sorry I scared, pushed you" I felt a warmth at my knee and was suddenly able to hear her again, she was crying, I moved my hand to touch the warmth but was unable to find her hand she was blocking me again. Ahh the frustration I felt was unbearable to lose my heart again, I was on a rollercoaster unable to get off in need of her to save me, to feel her touch would sooth this pain that tore at me.
"I'm sorry Edward" she said "I'm not good for you, I have no idea how I feel my heart is like that paperweight but empty of emotion, I had to be that way to survive, I am cold and hard and heartless, there is no future if I can't give you need more than I can, I led you on I'm sorry... I just wanted to feel safe just once. But you love me so much, you have such high expectations of me, I'm not worthy of your affection, you won't like what you find and I'm afraid of your anger, I can't stand, cannot live with total rejection I'm too weak now too old to survive it again. Please leave me alone, my memories of what we had have kept me going till now please let me go, before I fall.
Instead of pulling away I felt her touch my finger tips, just for a second but it was all I needed I made my move to hold onto them, it was like she was using words and phrases Rosalie used to use when she waited for Emmett to change, she was worried he'd not like her or that she could love him how couples do after.. Another portion of my brain pocked me hard... is that what?
I pushed myself to focus on the conversations and thoughts of the house, 'hates men', 'she doesn't trust them she has to see past that to see him' Rosalie's thoughts ran, my heart lurched. Emmett was running the warning Esme and Carlisle told him about making sure he was clearly seen and didn't look threatening, not that Emmett could but all the same he was warned.
This attack they all mentioned was.. Oh my sweet Bella.. My love someone... I felt my rage build till it was almost visible and Alice's warning to me, 'control it NOW or you'll lose her' I could not bring myself to say the word.
I turned my attention to the soothing warmth under my fingers, "Bella love" I said trying to calm myself "I'm here, no one will harm you like that again, I promise"
"Don't promise anything" she said "you weren't there, there was nothing you could do"
"Bella please, let me in, I want to see you, I need to see you, for too long I have been without you and I can now breath, I don't want to lose that feeling. If you feel nothing for me explain why did you say you had to someone in the house earlier, why did you touch me and help heal me? Bella, if you feel nothing for me why did you lie with me?" I went on hearing Alice's encouragement "Bella, what I feel for you goes beyond what you look like, your physical age, it's you I love, it's you I need to make me complete" I didn't care that my family could hear every word, I didn't care about Emmett's teasing of me later I had to keep her and my heart was the only thing talking straight at this moment the rest of me was gearing up for murder of those men who did this to my sweet Bella and her children.
She answered my question but not how I expected "Because I wanted to feel whole again, safe one more time. If I had that, I knew I could live till my girls were gone... I'm afraid I'll lose you if you see me"
"but I have seen you, and I like what I see, you have changed, grown up into a beautiful woman, how can I not love what you've become, everything I ever wanted for you, everything I could not give you you have achieved. Oh Bella my Love, my life why can't you see"
"No Edward you've seen my face, how can you make a judgement on me so quickly, I was the wife of someone else, I slept with him, I had his children, my body is covered in scars from birth, life and..." she didn't say the word either.. just like Rosalie "you could leave me at any point at any time, you did it once before remember.. if you did that again I'm not going to survive it, it nearly killed us before when you left, I survived this only by doing all these things as if you were there... if I open the box I bolted shut sixteen years ago and let myself love you again, I won't be able to let go" I know that feeling I was fighting not to let go right now "if you don't like what you see, it may be too late...its best this way"
No it was not, my head screamed in frustration as I felt her fingers pull out from under mine, I held tighter than I ever meant to,
"you're hurting me, let go" she snapped but I was not giving up, I'd brake her fingers to keep hold of her right now...
"No, please, listen to me... I can't live without you, my heart is ripping open here to think I'll lose you again" my voice broke, in anguish giving way my inner feelings her hand stopped and I felt it flex at my knee, her little finger stroked the side of my hand.. my head screamed at me over the top of the ripping sound in my chest 'hands' that was it hands... yes... I let my fingers loosen their grip and let them gently play with hers allowing her to place hers under mine, I heard the clock in the house chime ten o'clock I had an hour before she's give up this shield.
I let myself focus in what I was feeling, finding my heart warming and vibrate the longer she stayed in contact but I could also feel and hear her shivering invisibly before me, "your cold, let me take you inside?" with my free hand I scooped it under the snow where I assumed she lay and waited "Bella, let me take you back inside" I said softly, I felt her body shudder as shivering convulsions rocked her.
Always so stubborn, then her hand was on my shoulder and I could see her again, she was red faced, her lips were blue, Esme would not be please with me to see her like this and tears flowing down her face froze a little on her chin, she was shivering as she clung to me, she looked so vulnerable. I looked at her beauty even like this, she was everything I ever wanted, she nodded and I stood up holding her close to me I tucked her head close to my chest.
"let's get you warm" I said as I raced back to the house, I heard someone adding more logs to the fire so when we got back to the living room it was hot. On the couch was a change of clothes for her and a screen was now located in the corner of the room, I placed her on her feet, not letting go in case I lost sight of her and handed her the clothes. "I'll not look, go and change, I'll be right here" I turned to the fire to warm my hands and saw fresh pants on the arm of the other sofa on top of the now folded blanket, my pants were wet after kneeling in the slushy British snow.
I changed in the room, I could changed faster than she would ever see, even if she did may be seeing me would free her from her fear a little, I don't know how her head works my gentlemen's upbringing being thrown out of the widow for a fraction of a second as I exposed myself not wanting to leave her alone, I heard the movement of fabric and then the movement of the fresh warm jeans and top the smell of the items wafting up from the screen letting me know she was nearly dressed.
I sat on the couch which I'd now moved a little closer to the fire and set the blanket out on the back so it would be easy to pull it down to cover her. I felt her warmth envelope me again as she sat next to me as and the now dull ache in my heart vanish as if it was never there, I could see her, sock less and struggling to put them on. I took the socks carefully from her cold shaking hands and leant forward to add them to her beautiful but icy blue feet, I noticed scars round each ankle like ring marks, very faint they were old.
She snuggled back into my side and I pulled the blanket around her, "better?" I asked she nodded as I pulled her in across my lap, "is this alright? Or"
"Its alright, kind of safe, if I'm not too heavy?"
'Not to heavy' I snorted at this ridicules statement "Good, I want you to be, I want you to be here" I told her as I pulled my arms around her to indicate I did, so much want to hold my Bella in my arms and not one conjured from my memories.
It took a while before I felt her body relax, she breathed in deeply; she used to do that when taking in my scent. Her body temperature rose just as it used to do, making me smile to feel what I remember, I kissed her head again, happy that she was where I dreamed she should be.
"can I tell you something?" I asked quietly lulled by her intoxicating scent and warmth
"hum" she said sleepily agreeing
"this,,, is all I want. I want to be honest with you..." I started and found I stuttered a little as I confessed to her "I'm scared to loose you, to blink, to let go, I'm shaking can't you feel it?" her head nodded my smile forming more visibly on my face as she reassured me with her calmness "can we just see what happens, no promises, no commitments, just for now. I can't live without you, to walk away would be the undoing of me" she nodded again as if agreeing, my heart swelled as her head moved.
"Bella..." I continued at a whisper "I don't care that you've been married or you have children, it's the life I wanted you to have the one I could not give you, I'm glad you found it. If you still want me I am here waiting, but you must know you are so much more than my life, I am for ever yours in whatever way I can, do you understand?"
She nodded sleepily, "Bella, I love you, I wish you believed me at just how much" I added even quieter into her strawberry scented hair she was so close to sleep, I wanted her to hear me I also wanted her to rest.
"I know, I'm sorry I'm not very... with it right now... I'm so t.. tired now" she said with a slur, it made me grin to hear her like this.
"Sleep my love" I cooed
She slumped on my lap and I held tight to keep her supported, she did something I was not expecting she slid her one hand under my waist band of my pants, her fingers long and flat as she pushed down till her thumb stopped her going any further, I froze un-breathing as her finger tips were so close to my manhood as it reacted to her touch against my bare skin, her fingers closed tight around the waist band "sorry... I'm won't... touch you... intentionally... you can leave so quickly if you change your mind and I don't want to move right now" she said slowly and sleepily.
Her hand stayed shut as she flinched a little in her sleep but it was everything I ever remembered and so much more, her other hand rested on my chest, her thumb lopped inside my buttons holding it in place, I was unsure of her hand at my waist band, it went against everything I was ever brought you to do and it was certainly something I'd never experienced before, her attempts to seduce me before were good but were focused on removing my shirt her hands never wandered or attempted anything quite like this, it too a while before I relaxed with her hand where it was, I was a little embarrassed at its location and pulled the blanket over to hide it from anyone who may enter, I don't want Emmett's jibes today.
I watched the fire flicker red and orange on her skin and breathed in contentedly loosing myself in the scent chastising myself mentally for starting to accept I would never fill my lungs with this scent again. My hand slid down her back as she relaxed and I found my arms tight round her too restricting, I found exposed skin where her top had pulled from her jeans I explored the small gap gently absentmindedly drawing circles on her back which used to relax her muscles quicker when she was younger.
The area was full of marks, deep and they felt painful; I pictured in my mind Alice's vision when she felt pain in this area, I calculated what would have caused cuts like these. I closed my eyes pushing my anger away; I will ask her about this again another time as I felt a cloud of guilt wash over me, I had truly failed her for her to get marks like these, for her to feel such pain, if I could cried I would be now, the emotions welling in me with no escape I had not experienced this many mixed feelings since she vanished, I focused on cradling her as her softness and warmth soothed me.
How can I think of her as an angry kitten at her frustrations and annoyances after what she has been through and all because she loved me. I do not deserve this woman's affections, I should have run away when I could but the memory of our brief time apart when she rescued me from the Volturi keeps ringing in my ears, how I struggled to stay away, how my heart shattered and my whole being splintered without her to hold me together.
She was.. is not the weak one, she is so much stronger than I, look at her survival, she married, has children after all she has been through she seems sound of mind and of body. She has welcomed my family as if no more time as passed as a few months, human nature is truly amazing.
look at the wretch I am, I've been impossible to live with shutting myself away creating a shrine to my love, not even existing to assist or support my family. Praying Jacob would fine me and tear me apart, I was already emotionally in pieces.
I continued to berate myself my stupidity my weakness in comparison to her strengths when I saw the door to the living room open and Alice popped her head round the door briefly smiling knowingly, she looked at the clock, drawing my attention back to it two minute to go as she placed more logs on the fire and left, saying nothing but I could tell from the way she moved she was confident of her prediction but I still did not hear her thoughts.
Bella shifted on my lap flexing her hand at my waist band making my breath catch as her warm fingers touched my flesh, I had not worn any underwear, I haven't since I left home, I wished tonight I had providing a barrier from my ever twitching erecting and her touch. My mind was filled with the need for her touch I focused on the ticking clock as I watched the big hand move closer to when she would appear without the shield.
She moved her other hand on my heart and the sweetest sounds escaped her lips "Edward don't let me fall" it was as though she breathed the words, I was not sure of the significance of what she said and assuming she was dreaming as she clutched at my shirt and waist band, the clock ticked the seconds away I could not tell any difference I was already seeing Bella, as the clock's big hand clunked past the time Alice said and I saw red lights of the baby monitor flash red and heard Esme saying "they're back, look bless those sweet children, get jasper to help them sleep through, before her husband tries to wake them"
I heard Alice move from the other side of the door and her thoughts 'now you can hear me, you look good together, it will be alright now Edward', I could hear every thought in the house it was strange having spent so long with Bella in her bubble in silence, there were two heartbeats on the floor above, their minds were full of dreams of the day of my family and opening Christmas presents.
Unmoving and happy that everything had been restored I stared into the fire as contentment and the heat from it washed over me. I noticed a fuzzy blur in my field of vision to the right of the fire place, I stared at it for a while before I heard a voice I did not recognise.
"you have feelings for her?" it questioned with distain in it's voice.
Not wanting to wake her I nodded and said "yes" as quietly as I could
"Will you hurt her and them?" I saw it take on the form of a man and its misty head look upwards indicating the children
I shook my head "no" I replied
"do you love her" it asked
I nodded my head nuzzling my face into her hair "more than I ever realised I could.. yes"
"tell her I'm sorry.. for being an idiot, she was right I was jealous, I still am but what's the point she loves you, she just does not know it" it went on, who was this, why was it saying sorry for what it did? How did it know she loved me, my heart tingled and the tear drop within vibrated making my heart feel more alive.
"how do you know this?" I asked as Bella stirred a little
"it has been pointed out to me by those here who love her, those who I do not know, have never heard her speak of... that she should be with you. I was lucky I guess to have had her love while I was alive; her father Charlie has warned me off my torment of her and several of her and Emma's family have made it difficult for me to get to her after she put our girls to bed tonight" the use of the word had her love while I was alive and our girls, was he her husband? "My family here have shown me what I was doing and I must stop"
"who are you?" I asked
"Charlie Graham I was her husband, take care of them, I know what you are but even your parents are proud of what you have become, I cannot compete with a vampire for her affections, I know I was belligerent and selfish in my life and lost them but she never forgot you, in her sleep she would call your name and I hated it, she never called mine I knew who your family were and I wanted her away I see now I cannot scare her I will destroy her and that will leave our children without a mother" I was shocked, my parents are proud, my heart soared they are proud of me, I would shed tears if I could... 'Proud of me'... My family had said as much that he was troubling her at night and the conversation I heard was an argument, could someone change so quickly?
I watched the fuzzy mist become two people one looked like a cop, its height and rough build could be that of Charlie, it flanked the speaking figure "Take care of her Edward, she was meant to be with you son, make her happy" it said in Charlie's voice, before I could reply it ushered the other figure and they both disappeared...
Her father, he is this supportive? even now he knows what I am he says I am to be with her, my heart could hardly take anymore and I felt it move, actually move.. it beat for the first time in over one hundred years, its jolt made Bella clutch at me making a contented sound. I could hardly breathe I was so unsure of what I felt.
I pulled Bella into me for support, suddenly feeling it jump again as Esme entered the room with a tray of glasses, it was 23:35 the cool air from the door made Bella shiver and wake, she smiled at me and then at Esme, "sorry Esme" she said then her face turned to the clock "Oh my.. I got to wee Bea" she got off my lap and headed to the door. I tried to follow her but found the blanket tangled delaying me enough for Esme to put her hand up to stop me.
"she'll come back, she needs to take her eldest child to the toilet, a ritual she does every night, she will be back before midnight" she said "Jasper" she said knowing my brother would hear "would you let the eldest wake up Emma's on her way?" she added I heard jasper's thoughts as he focused on letting Bea free from his peaceful spell on her.
I listened as I heard her hobble cross the hall and up the stairs, her breathing heavy as she tired as she reached the top, I listened to her open her door and open the door to the bedroom, her words so soft, so loving "come on poppet, up you come" there was a moan and a groan and I could see resentful images from the child she moved, "Bea, come one please time for a wee" I saw the memory of what was needed in the child's head as it flashed through various locations till it settled on this house and the bathroom I assume was in their room.
"Good girl, I'm right here... there you go" there was silence. A bliss full feeling from the child and the sound Bella hated me tuning into, I can't see why it was part of being human, I tuned out listening to the sounds of the house and watching the dream of the youngest child as I waited for her return. "night night, sleep well, I love you" Bella said I heard the door close to where she had just come and without assistance or asking myself I tuned out again. How strange to find after all these years I tuned out when she was at the toilet. I knew she hated my hearing abilities when humans would not.
I heard the flush and the washing of hands, rather than her returning to me she sat on a bed and sighed, Alice appeared at my side cuddling into me, "she's collecting her thoughts, she will be back soon, she needs to have a conversation first" she said. I helped Alice put the couch back and straiten the room back to how it was without the screen.
More wood was brought in by Emmett and Carlisle brought the stone carafe containing our celebratory toast, we all stood still for a moment as the scent of human blood filled the room bombarding our senses, I watched Jasper as he swallowed hard and watched as his eyes went from black to topaz and his thoughts return to a stable and controlled state.
Upstairs I heard Bella "what do you want now?" she said in an exasperated tone
I heard the males voice again "do you love this vampire?" there was still an element of distain in his voice as he spoke, I did not hear an answer from her and I could not see through his mind either "then you should be with him, I will leave you alone, I am sorry Emma, I will try to learn how to take care of the children when they come to me, I promise" he said
"Wait" she nearly shouted "what is this? What's the change, why aren't you yelling and screaming?"
"It has been pointed out to me that I can't have you now, you should be with him, he is what you really want, what you've always wanted, I see that. I'm saying good bye, I have to leave you alone now" he said his tone was apologetic and remorseful.
"you know your can visit the girls, just don't scare them as you have been, that is all I ask" she said with compassion "I'm sorry too" she added. Silence reigned and she did not move, we heard fireworks going off in neighbouring properties, it was a sound we are not used to hearing as domestic fireworks are not as common back home.