AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey guys! Another chapter. I apologize now, these are a little longer than some of the other chapters I've posted. But now that Houston's awake, it's just kinda flowing! And thank you, THANK YOU for all the reviews. I promise I read them and adore seeing each new one. Please keep the reviews coming! I'm anxious to know exactly what you all think.
Stephenie Meyer owns the original Cullens, I own the original characters. No copyright or slander intended. Please review!
Chapter Ten:
"I can't believe I made you say ow."
The smile on Edward's face was patient as his eyes continued to sweep over every single change in my face. I was still terrifed of looking in a mirror to see just how much my reflection had changed. Even back before my heart stopped, I hadn't wanted to see. If Alice, Esme, and Rosalie hadn't been a million times stronger than me, I wasn't even sure if there would be any documented proof of my and Edward's wedding. I'd adamantly refused to look in a mirror that day, I was too scared that the image of myself in my dress would taint the day's festivities.
But now, as I stood in the room I'd waken up in, which was Edward and my room completely redone, I found myself wondering just what Edward was seeing. Which frozen imperfections he was commiting to memory. Now that I was like him, with so much more room to think and wonder than I'd ever thought possible, I knew that he would never have been able to forget anything about me since I'd come into his life. During my human days, I'd been convinced of that same thing; that there wasn't a single thing on this earth that could completely erase my memories of him. But now that the veil had been completely been taken off my eyes, the difference between my human memories and my vampire memories were completely different.
It took some searching, but as I stood there, gazing aimlessly out the large window that still made up the south wall of our room, I forced myself to recall everything. Even the bitter memories that made my eyes sting the way they used to when tears built up. But I was never going to be able to cry again, my new body was physically incapable of creating that gesture. Still, I forced myself to see everything through my former eyes. They were all murky and dim at best, like someone had turned out almost every single light around me when I memorized my human days with my family.
"I warned you that you would be extremely powerful when you woke up." His perfect voice was quiet as he breathed against my ear, now standing behind me with his arms wrapped around my waist. I'd been re-dressed while I burned, by Alice of course. I couldn't put up a fight while unconscious, but the blue silk sundress was starting to grate on my nerves. Apparently my disinterest in fashion had traveled with me from my old body to my new one. I was grateful for that, but before I could form a quiet sigh of distain, my thoughts shifted to the new pressure surrounding me. Edward didn't have to be cautious and gentle with me anymore. There was no longer the fear that he would crush me if he wasn't in tight control of his strength. It made me giggle to remember that I was now the one that had to be careful not to break him. I was finally capable of making him, and everyone in the house, feel pain. Or at the very least, discomfort. I'd settle for that since I still cringed at the thought of hurting anyone in my family.
"You were definitely right." I sighed and rested my head, very carefully, back against his shoulder. It was difficult to have so much power in my muscles now after years of weakening to the point of death. But it was what I had to do now, so that I didn't unintentionally hurt the man standing behind me. It was a price I was willing to pay until the time came when I was evenly matched against him. A few years felt like nothing compared to the eternity now laid out in front of us. "I still can't believe all of this." I breathed and closed my eyes for a few, brief seconds so that I could collect my thoughts. Nothing about Edward felt cold to me now, not his arms against my now-perfect abdomen, or his breath blowing against my ear with every unneeded breath he took. I understood now what he meant about breathing no longer being necessary. I drew no more relief in filling my air with lungs. Breathing now just meant that I had access to one of my most powerful senses.
"It's only been a couple of hours since you woke up, Houston." He sounded unwaveringly patient as he pressed a kiss to my temple then rested his chin on my shoulder. "I can only imagine what's going through your mind right now." He went on, then paused. My eyebrow arched instantly and I whiped my head around to see the expression on his face. He straightened up when I was facing him and my eyebrow fell back into place when he reached up to smooth the crease away with the pad of his thumb. "I still can't hear your thoughts. Whatever kept me out before is still working."
"Odd." I muttered with a small frown on my face. I felt a faint flicker of aggravation at that but pushed it aside when another emotion suddenly attacked me. Desire. Now aware of just how close we were standing, with the old barriers long gone, I felt every single curve of his body against my new skin. His clothes, of course, were smooth and freshly laundered, probably Alice's doing. She wouldn't want me to wake up with Edward wearing the same thing he'd been wearing when my transformation started. But even then, I'd been so sick that I couldn't remember now what the last thing my human eyes had seen covering his body.
"You all right?" His voice broke through my thoughts easily and centered them all around him yet again. I now understood his singular mention of distractions back when I had first found out about his immortality. But I wasn't entirely sure that I would ever have that problem if he was in a fifty mile radius of me. Edward still held so much power over me that he was able to push everything into a dark corner of my mind. I'd assumed, always while getting ready for this, that I wouldn't be able to focus on anything but the thirst. The fire-like burn that would forever hold my throat, and me for the first years of my new life, hostage.
But it wasn't until I consciously thought of it that I noticed the unfamiliar tickle in the back of my throat. I wasn't looking forward to feeling my throat on fire for the very first time. I wasn't desperate to experience the pain I'd put Edward through every single time I was near him with my heart still beating. "Just...confused." I muttered after about a half-second of thought. Everything was so quick now, and that was another thing that took some getting used to. Of course, he would notice my lapses in conversation, but only because he truly knew what I was going through now.
"Why're you confused?"
"Because I..." I frowned again and actually wiggled a little in his embrace. The tickling in the back of my throat was growing more profound, but somehow held at bay by the desire I'd thought would fade until I had more control over my new set of needs. "Remember how you always told me that my number one thought would center around blood? That for a while at least, I wouldn't be able to focus on anything other than being constantly thirsty?"
"Yes." He responded slowly, well slowly for him, the low current of harmony that was his voice stretching the simple syllable out. Understanding dawned on his expression, but I was instantly aware that he was drawing the wrong conclusions. "I'm so sorry." He breathed and rested his forehead against mine. I couldn't control the urge to reach up and swipe my fingers over his jaw as his eyes closed, but he went on; explaining his apology quietly. "I forgot all about your thirst. It must be causing you pain by now."
Even with the expanse of his skin touching mine, my eyebrows still furrowed as his words rang in my ears. The dull tickling in my throat grew to a burning fire abruptly and I was momentarily caught off balance by it. I'd had no idea of what to expect, how could any vampire appropriately explain this feeling to a human? There weren't words. I swallowed mechanically and left my hand against the smooth marble of his throat. "It actually wasn't bothering me until just now." I mumbled in quieted awe. He picked up on my new tone and quickly straightened up to look at me. Confusion was clearly etched around his eyes and the momentary tightening of his lips as he continued to stare at me. My heart, had it still the ability to beat, would've been racing under his perplexed stare.
How was it possible that I was only just now feeling the effects of my transformation? What did it say about me that my husband's close proximity had the ability to completely derail me and make me feel normal? It wasn't right, I could see that in his expression, but the new knowledge made me fleetingly glad. Clearly I wasn't acting the way my family had originally thought I would.
"Is that bad?"
"Of course not. But...it does make me curious. What were you thinking about before I apologized?"
My head bowed involuntarily and an old image of me blushing filled my mind. Yet another thing that I was no longer capable of. My poker face, if it could even be called that, was more convincing now without the sudden rush of blood to my cheeks. But even without that humanistic gesture, Edward would know exactly what was going on inside my mind. Surely that hadn't changed with everything else. "It's...too embarrassing."
"No." His voice was like velvet as he caught me before I could fully turn away from him. I blinked in surprise when I was suddenly whirled back around and pressed firmly against his body. There was the faint inkling to pull away from him anyway, my strength already coiling my muscles. But I pushed it aside and focused on the new expression contorting Edward's features. I couldn't pull myself from him if I wanted to. It was still purely impossible for even an inch of space to exist between us. And now that I was whole and healthy and unbreakable, I didn't want any space between us. The desire I'd been feeling just seconds before surged reassuringly through my veins and made me clearly aware that the first time had not been a fluke. I was feeling everything that I'd resigned to not discovering again for a very long time. "Please tell me?"
I whimpered almost involuntarily when the seductive undertone of his voice caused my thoughts to race on ahead of me, creating all the mental images that I'd secured away because of my weakeness. Images that I couldn't act on because if the danger they envoked. But now there was no danger, there was only the possibility of me hurting him. Which still made me want to laugh. I reigned it in when I saw the full power of my husband's eyes for the very first time. The nearly black irises grew even darker as they smoldered, resembling molten dark chocolate. Very dark chocolate. Some part of my brain cut off from the inviting thoughts of finally getting to appreciate Edward's body and wondered idly what my eyes looked like now. Was it hurting Edward to look at me and not see my green eyes anymore, but crimson where the unobtrusive green had once been? Did he hate the fact that the monster he held so much distain for was now lurking in my own vision? "You don't play fair." I huffed quietly, still surprised that my voice sounded like a windchime and forced myself to look away. Though only marginally when I suddenly found myself staring at his shoulder, instead of his eyes. I still heard the ghost of a chuckle perfectly as he shifted against me, lightly rubbing my bare arms as he waited for the rest of my response. "I was...I want you."
That caused a quick jerk in his movements then he forced me to look up at him again, his expression resembling the one he'd worn when I told him that the nagging thirst hadn't really been a problem for me. "You what?"
"I. Want. You." I went on, enunciating every single word clearly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. I knew that my thoughts, wants, and needs were all sorts of mixed up but I didn't care. I didn't care that I was supposed to be wanting to hunt, not wanting to get my husband naked so that we could finally enjoy everything that'd been forbidden to us while I was still human. But no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't push all of the lingering, senusal thoughts from my mind completely. It was too difficult with him standing as close as he was.
Edward didn't have a chance to say anything, his face still perplexed when the rest of our family suddenly burst into the room. Alice was at my side and pulling me from Edward in a matter of seconds, chattering on about something as I continued to look anxiously at my husband. What was going through his mind right then? Suddenly, I wished for the same gift he had. Just one tiny glimpse into the chaos that were probably clogging up his mind mercilessly right then. This was all going wrong, that much was obvious.
"Houston!" Alice chirped impatiently and my focus snapped onto her.
"I didn't do it!" I yelped, shooting her an apologetic look before I glanced at Carlisle, then Jasper. Jasper's eyes were blatantly fixated on me, his eyebrow furrowed slightly. I could only imagine what he was feeling from me right then. I looked away guiltily and forced myself to pay attention to the tiny vampire standing in front of me.
"I was just asking what you thought of the dress." She snapped, still impatient and stepped away from me. Her eyes scanned my body quickly and I felt even more guilty for not looking at myself in the mirror yet. I wasn't quite ready for that at the moment. A little bubble of bliss had unconsciously formed in my mind, comforting me with the unfounded hope that I looked just as breathtaking as her, Rosalie, and Esme.
"It's perfect." I responded automatically and glanced over when I heard another quiet chuckle. Edward had thawed out with his sister's words and he was now staring at me appreciatively. Yeah, like that was going to help my concentration! "Thank you for dressing me."
"No problem." She waved my thanks off with the flick of one hand then looked at Carlisle when he shifted. The change of air swirled around me and I took the opportunity to familarize myself with the new scents of my family. None of them smelled quite the way Edward did, but I didn't really expect that they would. Our attractions toward each other had always run beyond the boundaries of superficial looks.
"Are you ready to hunt?" Carlisle asked, his quiet voice patient and inquisitive. Something faint flickered in my mind with his voice, and I surmised that he was desperately trying not to launch into a million and one questions about my transformation. He'd always been thirsty for knowledge.
The dull fire in my throat crackled and came to the forefront of my mind. I nodded mutely then looked fearfully over at Edward. This was the part of his life that he'd always kept hidden from me. He'd never wanted me to see him like this. But did that still apply, now that I was so entirely wrapped in his world? I needed to be taught, I'd known that from day one, but would he be willing to teach me everything I needed to know in order to survive?
There was a small seed of fear in my mind as the conversation continued to swirl around without me. Jasper was still staring intently at me, probably trying to gauge my moods in case he had to step in to restrain me. I hoped he didn't find anything, but I still couldn't ignore the small surge of fear rippling through me. What if I encountered a human on my first hunt? Would I have the ability to pull away, to restrain myself so that my record remained as untarnished as Rosalie? As far as my memory could tell me, she was the only one in my family that had never let a drop of human blood pass her lips. Everyone else had their slips, of course; Edward's record coming in a close second after Rose's. He'd only tasted the blood of humans he found unfit to exist. The murderers, rapists, and corrupt that had crossed his path and triggered his thirst.
Edward came to my side then and lightly laid a hand across the small of my back. The electricity I'd felt when he would touch my human skin was now overpowering with all these new senses and flesh differences powering them. I swallowed thickly and noticed Jasper look away quickly when he caught wind of the change in my emotions. Pure lust. I was thankful again that I could no longer blush and managed to play it off when I focused on what Edward was saying, instead of the electricity he was igniting underneath my frozen skin. "I won't let anything happen, Houston. It's actually pretty easy once you let your senses take over."
"That's what I'm afraid of." I muttered darkly and looked up at him with a sour twist contorting my mouth. "What if we find a human and I can't stop myself?"
"I'll be there." He nodded and kissed my lips quickly before I could offer up any kind of protest. I reacted a little too eagerly, my head tilting guiltily once again when he pulled away as quiet snickers floated in the air.
"Sorry." I muttered then glanced down at the flowy skirt of my dress. My feet were bare, of course, and I couldn't really see any change to the pigmentation of my exposed skin. But the differences were still there. My legs were flawlessly smooth and looked deceptively strong as my calves molded into my knees, then my thighs; which were thankfully hidden underneath the whispy fold of silk. I looked over at Alice then and bit down unconsciously on my lower lip. "You going to hate me if I want to hunt in jeans and a tee shirt?"
At once, Alice looked extremely irritated and put out by my question. But after a couple of seconds, she shrugged and grinned brightly at me. "I'll just make you change as soon as you get home!" A peck to both of my cheeks pronounced her plans and I was even more fearful of her love for clothes now that my body could withstand actually being dressed for periods of time that lasted longer than minutes or hours. There was nothing stopping her now from eyeing me like some oversized Barbie doll. "But first!" She exclaimed and grabbed my wrist. I recoiled at once when she started to drag me after her, apologizing loudly and profusely when I caused her to stumble with my sudden jerk. Jasper made a move to separate us but Alice was quick to wave him off. "She didn't mean it." She nodded once then looked up at me with the same patience that had been in Edward's eyes shortly after I woke up. "I just want you to look in the mirror before you change."
My reflex reaction was a groan as my head fell back. "Aww Alice," I pouted and looked at her yet again, but when she started to lead me into the bathroom, I didn't stop her. "You know how much I hate looking into those things."
"Well, tough." She nodded once then another vibrant grin spread across her face as she stopped suddenly then spun me around. "Things change and you need a good mental image of yourself."
Another groan passed my lips as Edward, Jasper, and Carlisle joined us. The grin on Edward's face knocked me momentarily breathless and I struggled a little to keep my thoughts, and emotions, in check.
"Besides..." She shrugged and let me go before stepping around me so she could clearly see my face. "Edward promised that I could be here the first time since you sidestepped every single mirror at your wedding."
"Cancer!" I blurted out but stopped suddenly when movement in the mirror to my left caught my attention. I clenched my eyes shut out of sheer instinct, wincing minutely when the comforting grip of Edward's hand molded against my bare upper arm.
"You really should open your eyes." He breathed into my ear, forcing the overpowering surges of desire to attack me again. I had to work harder than I'd ever had to in my human days to push it all aside and grimaced as I counted backward from fifty in my head. I could do this. After all, the worst part of this entire situation was over. The fire of Edward's venom was long gone from my body, so why couldn't I just open my eyes and take in the effects of my new life? The life Edward had willingly given me.
With a resigned, yet determined sigh, I straightened up and wrenched my eyelids back to stare at myself for the first time in months.