Dan stared at the wall above Dr Robert's left shoulder. He was content to wait him out this time. Despite having finally succumbed to acknowledging what that niggling memory regarding Penelope was, it was something he was definitely not ready to share. No matter how relevant it was to the events that led to his accident.
"How about you tell me how school is going?"
Shocked by the fact that Dr Roberts was actually letting Dan keep something to himself and that he was the first one to break the silence they'd been in for the last forty-five minutes, he was unable to filter the words that spilled from his mouth. "A year ago today, I found my girlfriend trying to seduce my father."
Clasping a hand over his lips, Dan wished he could take it back.
How he knew the exact date he wasn't sure as no matter how many memories he got back the one's from around the months leading up to the accident were still fuzzy at best. He conceded though, given the circumstances of the accident, he'd probably spent the months leading up to it heavily imbibed. Regardless of that he was positive that memory and the date were true. Just as he was sure that the knot in his stomach that he'd woken up with was likely to continue growing until the anniversary of the accident. It's also how he knew that he didn't do anything about Penelope's behaviour other than ignore her for a few days.
Finally making eye contact with Dr Roberts, Dan wasn't sure what he was expecting to see but the complete lack of surprise he couldn't comprehend. "You knew? How could you know? I didn't know until a week ago?"
"Is that why you skipped group last week?"
"Stop doing that. Why won't you answer my question?"
"Why won't you answer mine?"
Running his hand through his hair, Dan flopped back against the couch, renewed determination to wait out the session surging through him.
"Okay then, Let's go back to my original question then. How is school? Have the headaches decreased any?"
Frowning as he wanted nothing more than to stay silent, Dan growled inwardly as he noticed the genuine concern in Dr Roberts' eyes. Honestly the guy would have made a pretty good priest, he had the whole 'you better confess all your innermost sins to me' look down. It was not fair, Dan was never going to win against that.
"I've pretty much caught up on what I missed. Through Nate's agreed to continue tutoring me until I'm up to date with everything. The headaches are still there whenever I think too hard so I try to take it easy, not like Chuck would let me do something too strenuous or bad anyway."
"Does that make you angry that Chuck's taken away your sense of independence?"
Pausing for a moment, Dan was tempted to say yes before he realised it really didn't.
The few times he'd ignored his friend he'd ended up nearly collapsing again and Dan knew Chuck was only so overprotective because he was adamant about keeping Dan safe. Especially when Dan was on his watch as there was no way he was going to repeat what had happened last time and started this whole mess.
Turning to Dr Roberts' Dan smiled slightly, "no, I don't resent him at all. I kind of love that he feels the need to look after me like a real sibling".
"I take it then that your relationship with your sister hasn't improved any."
Flopping back against the couch, Dan played with the hem of his shirt, he really hated how well Dr Robert's read him. The more Dan tried to not reveal the more he seemed to give away. "No, she's still angry with me."
"And how does that make you feel?"
"You realise you just rephrased the stereotypical 'and how do you feel about that?"
"It does not make the question any less valid."
"It hurts, especially when I don't know why." Pausing, Dan sighed trying to get a grip on his emotions before they gave too much away. "We used to be really clo-"
Despite the fact that he had obviously let enough out before cutting himself off, Dan still flinched when Dr Roberts finished his sentence for him, "you used to be so close in the other world."
Glancing over at the clock, Dan sighed in relief as he noticed there was only two minutes left. It was honestly how ridiculous how drained these sessions made him. Then again, his inability to keep the things he wanted hidden from Dr Roberts probably explained at least some of that. The rest of it was probably just him finally accepting the toll of the hidden thoughts on his everyday life. Though he'd never admit it, he was sure that was probably a good thing.
Knowing Dan wasn't going to say anything more this session, Alexander finished his notes on the session quietly observing the fact that this was a lot more than Dan would have given him even a month ago. It may not have appeared it, but this was progress and that's all he needed. Yes the retreat from his group sessions was a setback but that was simply part of the process.
Scooping his bag off the ground, Dan slung it over his shoulder and headed for the door. Determined to leave without another word, Dan cursed when he heard himself saying "see you next Tuesday." One day he was going to figure out how to keep his thoughts and emotions to himself.
Closing the door behind him, Dan chuckled as he spotted Chuck hitting on Amelia, the girl who went in after him on Thursdays. "Come on Chuck, I need something to eat."
Throwing a glare over his shoulder, Chuck turned back to the lovely girl he'd spent the last hour trying to charm. "It's a shame we have to part like this, can't I at least get your name so that I know who I'm dreaming about?"
Smirking in Chuck's direction, Amelia ignored the look on his face as she stood up and walked past Dan into Dr Roberts' office.
Pulling Chuck up by his collar, Dan laughed at the mystified look on his friend's face. No matter how many times it happened - which was an embarrassingly few times - Chuck never seemed to be able to accept that someone hadn't fallen for his charm. At least this time it was probably in Chuck's best interest.
"I'm really not supposed to tell you anything but if you value you're junk where it is and functioning like it is, you should probably stay clear of Amelia."
Watching Chuck pale was definitely worth bending the rules. What can he say Amelia had a type and Chuck fit it and while Amelia was like most girls in that she believed she could change the philandering bad boy, Amelia took it to a whole new level when it didn't work out. Besides he figured he owed Chuck one or two for being his best friend in this life.
Ignoring the smirk on Dan's face, Chuck slung his arm across Dan's shoulder and steered him in the direction of the car. After news like that Chuck was going to need the greasiest, unhealthiest and yummiest burgers and Sal's checked all three boxes.
xxxxxx
Jenny sighed as the bell for lunch rang. She hadn't been able to keep up her Queen-Bee attitude since the incident with Eric and she'd already noticed Penelope vying for her spot… probably as some sort of revenge following Dan breaking up with her and consequently making a mockery of her.
From what Jenny had heard even Asher wouldn't go near her now.
While she wanted to feel sorry for Penelope having lost everything that mattered to her most, Jenny still couldn't find it in her to feel bad for the bitch who got this whole mess started.
Hearing a startled yelp as she left the classroom, Jenny spotted Eric as he tried to regain his composure after someone slammed their locker near him. She longed for nothing more than to run up and wrap her arms around her once best friend. Apologise for all the crap she put him through but not only was she afraid it wouldn't be enough, it would also require Eric to be in her presence longer than ten seconds. Something that was becoming increasingly rare given his tendency to flee the moment he set eyes on her.
While it hurt, Jenny knew it was no less than she deserved. Because of that she would have put up with it, if it was only her Eric was afraid of. But he was staying away from Dan and by extension Chuck only letting Blair and sporadically Nate help. Still it was all her fault, she could accept that no matter how much it hurt her to do it, which meant it was up to her to make it better. The worst part was Jenny had no idea how to fix it.
Sighing she slid down the locker doors until she was sitting on the floor. Ignoring the shocked looks thrown her way at the fact that their snobby Queen, Jenny Humphrey, was sitting on the floor like a common person, she pulled her knees to her chest and let her head fall to her knees.
Listening to the students milling about, Jenny closed her eyes and thought back on her friendship with Eric. Fingering the locket that now hung around her neck, Jenny found to ignore the lingering anger, knowing it wasn't Eric she was really mad at and if she wanted this to work she was going to have to move past it.
As the sounds in the hallways quietened to silence, Jenny finally found the memory she was looking for, nearly kicking herself for taking so long to remember what happened the first fathers' day after Eric's dad skipped town.
Jenny's tongue was sticking out the side of her mouth in concentration as she desperately tried to stay in the lines. At five and a half, Jenny had only just graduated to being able to draw the alphabet without tracing it and she was taking this card seriously. Glancing back at the paper where Mrs Lilabach had written out her message with proper spelling, Jenny nearly screamed in annoyance when someone flopped onto the chair next to her causing her 'y' to be a little crooked.
"ERIC!" Spotting the brownish, blonde haired boy, Jenny seethed at the fact that he had been responsible for her error. He'd been grumpy all day and would only glare at Jenny when she suggested he needed a nap.
When Eric failed to respond, Jenny in turn ignored her friend, who now had his head resting on the desk, in favour of finishing the rest of her writing. Listening to Eric sigh, Jenny smiled in accomplishment as she set her completed card down before turing to face the other blonde.
Finally noticing that Eric's hands were clear of any cards or crayons, a frown pulled at her lips. "Where's your card?"
Blinking back tears, Eric peered up at Jenny and fought to keep his lower lip from quivering. "Where would I send it?"
"To my daddy, where else? I can share him, I promise." Smiling slightly, Jenny reached over and took Eric's hand seeing the sad look still on his face. " 'sides, Dan says he's too old for a dad anyway. He's a big boy now, so daddy has an extra space just for you."
Seeing Eric nod slowly, Jenny's smile got bigger.
Reaching forward Eric's grabbed some crayons he'd seen Jenny use and a piece of paper, figuring she knew which colours her dad liked. Pausing with the crayon over the paper, Eric's face fell as something occurred to him. "What do I call him?"
"Daddy. Duh. That's what I call him, you have to call him that too if we're sharing."
Understanding her in the way only other five year olds could, Eric started working. "Okay."
Spotting the smile starting to form on Eric's face, Jenny jumped in her seat before bumping her shoulder against him. See! No one knew how to cheer Eric up like Jenny could.
Blinking back tears at the fact that she had been so blessedly kind and innocent, Jenny wondered how she had gone from 'sharing' her father to verbally abusing her best friend. She'd turned into a raging bitch and she couldn't even pinpoint when it had happened. Regardless of that she knew it was going to end now.
Grabbing her bag, Jenny lifted herself off the floor.
Heading down the empty corridor, Jenny pushed the doors to the school open, a sense of purpose filling her for the first time in far too long. She might not know how to start repairing the remains of the best relationship she'd ever had. But she had an idea of where to start. And getting that fathers' day card into Eric's locker was it.
Now that she could acknowledge that neither one of them had single handedly destroyed it, she could also acknowledge that she was single handedly preventing it from recovering. After this the ball would be in Eric's court and she could only hope that the year of pure torture she'd instilled on him would not be enough to undo all the years of their friendship.
Hailing a cab, knowing she needed as much time to herself as she could get, Jenny hoped Dan would not catch wind of her skipping out on the rest of the day. The least she could have done was gone to the nurse and complained of cramps, but it was too late to go back now. From now on only the future mattered.
While Rufus had not cared about her life and thereby her schooling for years, Dan had decided since 'waking up' and seeing how absent Rufus was, that it was up to him to take on that role. Besides, Jenny amended, she had a feeling that even if Dan did find out about this he'd forgive her this time. After all, this was for Eric. Someone Dan had also changed his views about since waking up.
Smiling at Jackson, her doorman, Jenny sighed when she saw the honest surprise on the old man's face. There had been a time where Jackson was the only person willing to listen to her ramble on for hours and he kept her favourite candy behind the desk for whenever she came by. How had she come so far from herself without noticing.
Just because she had to be a bitch to rule Constance, didn't mean she had to be a bitch outside of school too.
Tapping her foot as she waited for the elevator to reach the penthouse, Jenny ran out of the lift, flinging her coat on top of the couch as she ran past it and into the cupboard where they stored random things from Dan and Jenny's childhood.
xxxxxx
Hearing the elevator doors open, Jenny looked up from her place on the cupboard floor, covered in dust and surrounded by old photos of her and Eric. Tracks had long since dried on her cheeks from when her tears had run dry.
"Jenny?"
"In here!" Spotting Dan's feet as they stopped in front of her, Jenny looked up into Dan's familiar brown eyes needing him to tell her everything was going to be okay.
Struck by how young his sister looked, Dan was suddenly reminded that despite how she acted she was still only fifteen. Glancing at the photos gathered around her, Dan felt his heart clench as he noticed the wet patches that had formed as a result of her tears on the paper clutched in her hands. "Oh Jen."
"I've got it under control, it's all going to be fine. I have a plan-" As Jenny's sentence quickly devolved into nonsensical, hysterical ramblings, Dan's heart began to race in fear of his sister's mental health as he dropped to his knees and pulling Jenny into a hug.
As her body shook with sobs, Jenny finally released all the grief and fear she'd been holding in since she'd gotten the call about Dan's accident. Feelings that had doubled and merged with guilt when she realised she might have been the straw that broke the camel's back and caused Eric's attempted suicide. "It's all my fault."
"Nothing's your fault Jen. You were right. Everything is going to be fine."
"No it's not! He hurt himself because of me and my pride was too hurt to help him! What kind of person does that make me? It's all my fault, all of it." Jenny began rocking as she tried to rip herself from her brother's grasp, screaming out when he held her still. "Penelope only started dating you to try and unnerve me and when that didn't work, she went too far. She-… it doesn't matter, because if there wasn't a me then Penelope would have been queen, Eric wouldn't have hurt himself and… and you… you wouldn't have gotten hurt. I destroy things. I hurt people just by existing. Mum knew that. It's why she took off after I was born. She saw the evil inside of me. She was wrong, she should have just left me, no one would be hurt that way."
"No, no Jen. Don't say that. You're wrong. I would be hurt without you. Who else would bake me cookies at midnight on my birthday, or lie to dad about how I broke my arm when I was nine. Who else would listen to me whine on about my relationship problems with their sworn enemy or sneak into my room when I was sick to watch Sound of Music with me, just so I could claim my little sister wanted to watch it and had control of the remote? So don't you ever think me or anyone else would be better off without you around."
As the memories spilled from his lips, Dan couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment and begrudgingly admitted that Dr. Robert's was right, with each memory Dan managed to recall this world solidified itself as real while his dream world drifted further and further away.
Sighing as he felt her fall still against him, Dan felt his heart race again as he reached for his phone to text Chuck to turn back around and come up. Stroking Jenny's back as her tears continued to collect against his shirt he desperately waited for his friend who'd know what to do.
Hearing multiple footsteps race from the elevator, Dan cringed as he heard the fear in Chuck's voice as he called out for him. Once again Dan wondered how hard it would be to convince Chuck to go to therapy. Hell, Dan was even willing to go with him if it would prevent the breakdown he was sure would happen once Chuck's single mindedness regarding Dan's safety finally wore off.
"Daniel! Where are you? I didn't know how bad it was so I called in reinforcements! Please be alive!"
"Chuck calm down, you're not even giving him a chance to answer you regarding where he is?" Nate placed a hand on Chuck's shoulder, trying to keep the other boy from flying into a rage or collapsing from his worry, the latter of which was quickly approaching. Steeling himself and refusing to flinch or back off as Chuck turned his glare on him.
"He's over here."
The feminine voice was one he was not expecting to hear and as he looked up from Jenny, Dan felt his heart speed up as he looked up into Blair's eyes. Smiling slightly when he noticed she was using her crutches and not the wheelchair.
Hearing Jenny's ramblings start up again, Dan slowly rocked back and forth, repeating the same caring utterances to her over and over again.
As feelings of helplessness started to overwhelm him, Dan jumped as he felt a hand on his shoulder only to relax again when he recognised it as Blair's soft but sturdy grip. Something Dan realised he shouldn't know the feeling of given this was the first time, both pre-accident and post-accident, that they had ever touched. But it felt just like it had in his dream world.
Shaking himself from his thoughts as he heard Chuck's clomping footsteps get louder, Dan didn't even realise their was a fourth person there until Chuck, Nate and Eric all came to a stop beside Blair.
"What's- I don't- Jenny?" Eric's words slipped out before he could stop them and Dan nearly exclaimed in relief at the concern he could hear in them.
Unfortunately the sound of Eric's voice only caused Jenny's thrashing to increase as she repeated those three words over and over again. "All my fault."
Ignoring the way Eric jumped as he guided him out of the way, Chuck sighed and wondered how it was that he had become the sane one in the group. Though he knew from Dan's nagging about therapy that his best friend would disagree with that assessment. Nevertheless, Chuck was in the prime position to once again prove his best friend status and take care of the girl he considered a little sister. Given that the way Nate looked at Jenny caused the protective brotherly instincts to flare up in Chuck on a good occasion, he was not about to let the blonde near Jenny when she was so vulnerable.
Stepping closer, Chuck easily moved Jenny into his arms, sighing as the action brought forth endless streams of memories over the past year of him picking her up off the floor or some bed after she'd gotten herself so drunk she'd passed out.
Continuing down the familiar hallway to the blonde's bedroom, Chuck was aware of not much else except how much his heart hurt for how damaged all of them seemed to be. Given that Jenny superficially had her shit together most of the time it was easy to pretend that the youngest Humphrey was not as fucked up as the rest of them were. But at times like these, Chuck was reminded of his proclivity for lying to himself.
As Chuck disappeared down the hallway with Jenny, Nate helped Dan to his feet, dragging the brunette down the other hallway towards the kitchen knowing they needed to find something to calm Jenny down and he'd need Dan's help to locate it.
Blair moved closer to Eric, catching his shaking hand in hers knowing he was seconds away from falling apart. Following his eyes down to the ground, Blair couldn't help the smile that crossed her lips as she spotted the gap-toothed pair of grinning faces that was Eric and Jenny at around six.
Letting go of his hand as he moved towards the floor, Blair steadied herself and made a promise that the next time Eric needed her she was going to be able to move to the floor with him. Nevertheless she made sure she was within range as he fell back against the wall in what appeared to be shock as he looked down at a tear stained, folded piece of paper that upon further inspection, Blair noticed was a homemade fathers' day card.
Hearing Jenny's scream from the bedroom, Eric didn't even think as he raced down the hall leaving Blair struggling after him. As Eric entered the room, he felt his breath catch in his throat as he realised it hadn't changed at all in the year he hadn't been there. His face was still plastered around the room as much as it was before everything with Damien went down.
Seeing the pain in Chuck's eyes as he stroked Jenny's hair and tried to calm her finally appeased his nerves enough for Eric to make the final move. He knew it was irrational to fear Chuck, especially since he'd been nothing but nice to him since that night at Blair's, Jenny's near outing of him in the courtyard had brought forth every nightmare he'd held regarding the negative consequences of his secret being openly admitted. Somehow seeing Chuck eyeing him wearily as he approached the bed, as if he was ready to throw himself in front of Jenny to protect her, only reinforced that faith that Chuck wouldn't hurt him.
"Jenny?" Watching as his once best friend stilled at the sound of his voice, Eric quickly got onto the bed next to Jenny and pulled her into an embrace. "It's okay Jen."
"It's all my fault. I'm sorry."
Not knowing which number of things Jenny was blaming herself for but figuring his suicide attempt was probably in there somewhere, Eric pulled her tighter to him. He knew things between them would not easily go back to the way they were before but this was certainly a good start. "No it's not. I'm sorry for giving up so easily. I was hurting."
Feeling Jenny's movements slow as her crying grew quieter, Eric knew they'd need to talk about this again and in greater detail once Jenny was more cognisant.
"Promise you'll never leave me."
Feeling his heart clench painfully at the vulnerability in her voice that mimicked the promise she'd requested of him when she'd found out that Alison had up and left after her birth, not died like Rufus had said, Eric swore he'd really keep it this time. "I promise."
xxxxxx
Finally locating a old bottle of Xanax in Dorota's name, Dan and Nate made their way towards the bedroom knowing this probably wasn't the best course of action but one that would hopefully keep Jenny calm enough to figure out what to do next.
As Dan headed into the eerily quiet room, he felt his mouth drop open as he spotted a calm and quiet Jenny, wrapped in Eric's arms as they dozed on the bed. Catching the bottle of Xanax before it could slip out of his grasp, Dan felt hope that Eric and Jenny may be able to not only heal their friendship but help each other heal from the ghosts that were haunting them.
Then maybe he and Jenny actually had a chance at fixing and improving their own relationship.
If anything came out of today it was that he saw that the foundations of his relationship with his sister was still there. Too often growing up she'd been there to comfort him, now it was his turn.
Feeling his best friend tug him down towards the ground, Dan silently folded himself against the wall next to Chuck and was surprised when he felt a small hand encircle his own. That was twice now that Blair had comforted him and he wasn't sure what to make of it. Leaning his head against Chuck's shoulder, Dan wondered again how he would have managed to get through any of this without his best friend at his side.
As exhaustion permeated his bones, Dan felt his eyes slip shut so heavily that when Blair's head fell into place on the crook of his neck, Dan couldn't even find the energy to reopen them.
Hearing soft breaths of Blair surrendering to sleep, Dan felt his own breaths slowing knowing that between the four of them here on the floor and Eric cocooning her in bed, Jenny couldn't be in better hands.
A/N sorry for the wait but I'm only able to update when inspiration and clarity regarding the storyline are present. I know this chapter may have seemed like a pointless filler but a lot of character acknowledgement (if you don't want to call if development) occurred and was necessary for the steps this story needs to take. Hope you liked it. ~ Gabz