CHAPTER TEN
Post-It Apologies

Three days, two boxes of tissues, one gallon of ice cream, and thirty-seven missed calls from Parker later, Sophie was ready to finally face the world again. She might not have had the best coping mechanisms, but they did work for her. She called Nate the night she kicked Parker out and told him she had come down with the flu, so she wouldn't be into work for a couple days. Nate was fine with it, said they would try to put off on getting another job until she was feeling better. Unfortunately he also insisted he come over to 'take care' of her, which made Sophie have to do a lot of convincing that she was really contagious and it wouldn't be such a good idea.

Parker had left a voicemail on her machine each time she called, most consisting of how sorry she is and how much she loves her. Sophie listened to each one in full as she cried; probably shedding most of her water weight these last couple of days because she just wanted to hear Parker's voice. She did however have to skip over the one where Parker attempted to sing a song. Sophie wasn't even sure what it was supposed to be of, but Parker was not blessed with being on key. But it made Sophie laugh a little though, despite her sadness.

Sophie thought a lot over these last three days, trying to figure out what she really wanted and how much she could handle. Yes, she hated that Parker slept with Peggy. But she did say she could. And yes, Parker was trying to decide if she should cheat on her by going to see Peggy for a second time, but she didn't actually do it. Sophie realized she was just hurt by Parker's wavering loyalty, but that in the end, Parker didn't do it. Maybe she might have stopped it by yelling at her, kicking her out, but regardless of the reason she didn't do it, and that had to count for something.

Plus, Sophie missed the feeling of Parker in her arms, missed seeing her smile, and missed all the quirky little things she used to do all the time. So she dragged herself out of bed that third day and decided to go back into the office, ready to just work things out with her. She needed Parker in her life, she really really did.

She said hi to Nate, who told her he was glad she was feeling better. She went straight into her office then, just trying to find a moment to collect herself before she went to go see Parker. But when she opened the door, she gave a little yelp.

She blinked as she looked around her office, not sure if what she was seeing was even real. She took a hesitant step forward, looking around in shock. There were at least two hundred little post-it notes on the walls on her office. Sophie walked closer, trying to see what they each said. They all said the same thing, written in Parker's scrawled handwriting:

"I'm sorry, I love you."

Each one handwritten, each one stuck up with precise accuracy. Sophie let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding, realizing how long is must have taken Parker to do this. She took one down, holding it in her hand as she read it again. She brushed her thumb over the words that looked more like chicken scratch then real print and smiled to herself.

The door closed softly behind her and Sophie jumped instinctively, turning around. Parker stood there, leaning against it, looking at her with a look that Sophie could only describe as remorse. They stood there for a bit, each woman looking at the other, neither moving.

Finally Sophie spoke softly. "You did all this?" she asked her, indicating the walls around her. Parker nodded and pressed her lips together. "It must have taken you forever."

"Three and a half hours," Parker told her, looking down. There was more silence before Parker looked up, her big green eyes wide and sad and she said, "Sophie, I love you. I love you a lot, like a lot a lot. And… it hurts right now, right here." She indicated her heart. "And I don't know how to make it stop, it's never hurt this much before. And I'm really sorry, and I know you dumped me but I—"

"Parker," Sophie stopped her quietly, holding up her hand a bit. "I didn't dump you. We just had a fight, we didn't break up."

"We didn't?" Parker blinked, looking confused and shocked.

"No," Sophie told her. "I was just angry. I never said I didn't want to see you again."

"We're still together?" Parker asked, still dumbfounded by the thought.

"Yes," Sophie replied. "But that doesn't mean everything just goes away, okay? We still need to talk."

Parker nodded, and for the first time in her life, Sophie couldn't figure out what Parker was thinking by her expression. She peered at the girl, but then a smile formed on her face, and Sophie could read that. "So you're still my girlfriend?"

"YES," Sophie said, and let out a little laugh from Parker's constant disbelief on the matter.

Parker's smile was even bigger now, but then she looked down for a moment. "Can I hug you?" she asked as she addressed the ground more than Sophie, not knowing if it would be appropriate. Then her eyes were up again, and Sophie smiled and nodded.

One minute Parker was on the other side of the room, the next she had jumped into Sophie's arms, almost making her topple over. Sophie laughed as she regained her balance, holding onto Parker tight. They just stood like that together for a few moments, until Parker's voice cracks a bit as she whispered next to her ear, "I'm really, really sorry Sophie…"

"I know, Parker," Sophie whispered back. She runs her fingers through the other woman's blonde hair and holds her closer. She sighed a bit as she finished, "I know, sweetie."

They stepped back from each other slowly, and Sophie brushed a piece of hair away from Parker's face. Parker looked down though, still feeling ashamed. "I wish I didn't do it," Parker told her softly, honestly. She took a hesitant breath and went on. "I just didn't know what to do…"

Sophie chewed on her bottom lip a bit before taking Parker's hand in hers. She took a couple steps back and leaned against her desk, pulling Parker softly along with her. Parker pursed her lips together but sat on Sophie's desk heavily, her hand squeezing the grifter's. She looked nervous still.

Sophie just watched her for a moment. She was wondering if she should ask, but she knows she could be afraid of the answer. But another part of her just wanted to know why. Why now? Why this soon? Why didn't she stop it?

She brought Parker's hand up that was in hers and brought it up to her lips slowly, kissing the back of it, needing Parker to know she wasn't going to go anywhere. "What happened?" she finally asked her as she brushed her thumb lightly over the other woman's hand.

Parker looked down at her from the desk and blinks before her eyes fall on the wall as she shifts a bit in her seat, uncomfortable. "You want to know…?"

"I don't—" Sophie said automatically but stops and revises herself. She took another deep breath, trying to prepare herself. "I don't want to know all the dirty details… but I want to know why, Parker."

Parker just stared at the wall a moment, silent. Sophie wondered if she was even going to tell her, or if telling her was just going to make it worse. But Sophie just needed to know, so she squeezed Parker's hand a bit to comfort her, tell her it's alright, and then finally she saw Parker take a shaky breath and start.

"We usually go out for coffee, Peggy and me. We've done it three times." Sophie watched her, she knew this already, but didn't say anything. "But this time Peggy said she wanted to go to this night club that just opened. It wasn't one with a bunch of kids, it was just kind of like a coffee house put together with a bar and music, that's what she said." She paused for a minute, then looked at Sophie finally. "I've never had any real friends before, outside of you guys anyway. So I just… I went. I didn't want Alice to lose her friend."

Sophie nodded, understanding that. Parker turned away from her then, choosing to speak to the wall again. "And we had drinks and we talked, danced a little. I'm kind of uncoordinated in that area, but it was fun." Sophie smiled, imagining Parker dancing. "I knew she liked girls, she mentioned that before, but I didn't know she liked me until that night."

A funny look passed over Parker's features, clearly not wanting to go on. "I know I'm bad with alcohol, but I still kept drinking because she was. And then I went to get up and I almost fell." She looked at Sophie again, "I don't like alcohol it, it messes up your balance and your ability to get out of situation. Dulls everything. I don't know why I did it."

Sophie nodded again, still silent. She felt back though, she did know Parker was bad with alcohol, she even used that against her before to lower her defenses. Why would she think Peggy would be any different?

Her gaze was back to the wall again, and she licked her lips nervously. "She said she'd take me to her house since I was drunk. I told her I could call you but she said since it was late I shouldn't bother you and that I could just sleep over her house and she'd take me to my car in the morning."

Another long pause, and Sophie turned to look at Parker, standing and moving herself between Parker's legs as she sat on the desk so she could face her. Parker didn't look at her. "Hey," Sophie said softly, trying to get her attention. Parker looked at her and Sophie asked, "Then what happened?" She wrapped her arms around Parker's waist then, trying to prove a point that she wasn't going anywhere.

Parker took another deep breath and looked down. "She uh… she helped me into her house and brought me into her bedroom so I could lay down. I was really tired and felt like I was going to fall over. So I laid down and she got in bed and laid next to me." Parker's voice broke as she said the next part of her story, "She took my hand… and then she asked me if I knew how beautiful I was."

Sophie closed her eyes for a moment and leaned her forehead against Parker's, holding her tighter. "You are beautiful," she told her in a whisper, angry with herself that she never once decided to tell Parker that. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

Parker made a sound that resembled her choking back a sob before she finished in a whisper, "And then her hand wasn't in mine anymore. It was…" she trailed off, knowing Sophie didn't want to know. "And then… and then she kissed me." She sniffed a bit, trying to control her own emotions.

Sophie let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding and was silent for a moment. She moved her head a bit to look Parker in the eyes and then finally spoke, "You were drunk."

"Yeah," Parker said quietly. But she shook her head and finished, "But I knew I should have… I should have just told her no."

"Parker," Sophie said, putting her hand under Parker's chin to have her look her in the eyes. "I know you're impulsive, okay? And I know you were drunk. I don't like it, but I can forgive it. But…" she took another deep breath, once again afraid to ask. "Why did you tell her you'd think about seeing her again?"

Parker looked away from her again, her face pained. "I've never had any friends, Sophie. Peggy's nice… I didn't want to hurt her feelings."

"What about my feelings?" slipped through Sophie's lips before she could stop it.

"I know it's mean but I thought you were asleep," she told her, looking down again before looking back up to meet Sophie's gaze. "I was going to ask you how to tell her no without hurting her when you woke up."

"Oh," Sophie said, suddenly feeling like she was irrational and that she jumped to conclusions far too fast.

"Yeah," Parker said. She looked down at her sneakers, but Sophie moved her head again to make her look at her. "I'm really sorry," Parker said, pressing her lips together.

"It's…" Sophie started, but realized she didn't want to go on anymore. "I forgive you, Parker." Sophie told her, taking her hands in hers again. "Just please… please try not to do that again."

"I'll try, I swear. I'll try really, really hard," Parker said and chewed on her bottom lip. Then finally she asked, "Can we kiss now?"

Sophie laughed a bit, "Yeah, we can—" but she didn't get the entire sentence out before Parker's lips were against hers, Parker's arms finding their way around Sophie's neck. She parted her lips to let Parker in, emitting a low groan of approval as Parker's fingers snaked their way though Sophie's dark tresses. Sophie wrapped her arms around Parker's tiny frame and kissed her deeper, feeling like she was falling into her. She forgot how much she just missed this.

When they broke, Parker was breathing a bit heavily and had a look in her eye that Sophie knew very well. "Not here, " she told her with a little smile. "We work here."

"But—"

Sophie giggled a bit and put her finger to Parker's lips before bringing her own to Parker's ear and whispering: "I want to make love to you when we go back to your house."

Parker blinked, looking confused. "I've never done that, is it hard?"

Sophie laughed softly, her face still in Parker's neck. She found it endearing how Parker thought it was something completely opposite than sex, when really it's just a couple minor details. "I'll teach you," she promised her softly.

TBC…