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CHAPTER 10

Friday night Stasia was walking back and forth across her bedroom floor. She was thinking about Paul. She did like Paul and she knew he liked her to, that was obvious even to her. Stasia still thought about Ethan though, she still really missed him but lately she missed him less. She knew a part of her would always love him but since she had been hanging out with Paul she was beginning to think it was possible for her to move on. Stasia let out a sigh and picked her phone up and called Paul.

"Hello," Paul answered.

"Paul."

"Anastasia," he said. "Is everything ok?" he asked worried.

"Its fine," she assured him. "Are you busy?"

"I always have time for you," he told her.

"Oh," she said. "I was hoping we could talk, in person."

"Of course Anastasia," he said. "Do you want to meet me on the beach in fifteen minutes?"

"That sounds good," she said.

"Ok, see you in fifteen then." he said and Stasia hung up. She took a deep breath, not believing she was about to go talk to Paul about Ethan.

When Stasia got to the beach Paul was already there waiting for her. Stasia walked over to him.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," she replied.

"You wanted to talk to me," he said and she nodded. "About what?"

"Ethan," she told him.

"Oh," he said. "Alright." he sighed. "You want to sit down?"

"Yeah ok," she said and they sat down.

"Ok, I'm listening Anastasia," he said.

"Ethan was my first serious boyfriend, no other guy even asked me out or anything before him," she began. "And I know a lot of girls liked him and I have no idea why he wanted me. But he did and he said he loved me and I loved him so much, I still do," she told him and looked over at Paul.

"Anastasia," he said. "What happened the night he died?"

"We were on a date, coming back from Forks. Something happened to the car and he pulled over and told me he was going out to see what was wrong. He leaned over and kissed me and if I knew that was the last kiss I would ever get from Ethan I would have made it last longer." she told him and Paul could feel her sadness and saw her eyes fill with tears. "He got out of the car and walked around to look under the hood," she said and she felt Pauls hand cover hers and his touch seemed to comfort her some. "A car pulled over and I heard calm talking, then panicked talking and then two gunshots. I got out of the car to see what happened and I see Ethan on the ground in a pool of blood and then they shot me to." she told him as tears fell down her cheeks.

"You could have been killed Anastasia," he told her and shook his head. He could have lost his soul mate before he even found her. "Why did you get out of the car?"

"I have no idea," she told him. "I wasn't thinking clearly. I just knew something happened to the guy I love and I was worried about him." she told him. "When I woke up the next morning my parents were with me and I was in the hospital of course." she said. "I woke up and asked about Ethan and my parents had to tell me he died." she whispered and Paul saw a tear run down her cheek. He reached over and wiped it away and then tightened his hand around hers. "I still remember what it felt like hearing that. Like my heart had been crushed and then broken into a million pieces."

"But they caught the guys who done it right?"

"Yeah but it doesn't matter because it couldn't bring Ethan back to me." she told him. "And he died over fifty dollars and his watch."

"Anastasia," he whispered. "I know you still miss him," he told her. "And I know they'll be a part of you that will always love him."

"I think there will be," she said and looked up at him. "Thank you for listening," she added softly.

"I'll always listen," he said and she smiled.

"I'm glad I could talk to you about him to," she said. "I don't really talk about him much to anyone," she added. "I don't know why I never talked about him," she sighed. "No one understood how I felt. I went through months of not talking to anyone, I shut myself away from everyone," she told him. "I thought no one could know how I felt. How I never wanted to love another guy ever again."

"Why Anastasia?"

"Because I could loose him just as easy as I found him." she whispered. "I saw the looks I got from my friends and own parents," she told him. "Ethan was the first guy I ever really loved and the first one that really loved me and he's probably the only guy that will ever love me."

"Don't say that," Paul said softly.

"I can't blame guys for not wanting to go out with me. I never really gave them a chance because I didn't want to date them," she said. "I am so messed up," she added.

"No you're not," Paul said reaching over and taking her hands in his. "And you will find another guy who will love you," he told her. "Wouldn't Ethan want that for you? For you to be happy with someone else if you found that."

"I'm sure he would. He never wanted anyone to be miserable," she said and he let go of her hands. "My mom made me go to therapy to talk about my feelings, hoping it would help." she told him. "I pushed all my friends away, guys asked me out but I never went out with them, they weren't Ethan." she said

"Anastasia," he whispered sadly and pulled her closer to him and she laid her head against his chest, Paul wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm sorry I may never be able to give you what you want Paul," she told him. "You shouldn't waste your time on me."

"Its my time and I'll do whatever I want with it," he told her. "And I don't call any time I'm spending with you wasted time Anastasia."

"You know not many guys would sit around and listen to a girl talk about the guy she's in love with."

"I'm not most guys Anastasia."

"I know," she said quietly and looked up at him. "And I really like that you're not like most guys," she added and he smiled.

"Really?"

"Yeah." she told him. "Any other guy would have ran from me by now."

"I'm not going anywhere Anastasia," he told her. "I promise you that."

"I don't deserve you," she whispered.

"Of course you do," he told her. "Why would you say that?"

"You're being so nice to me and I know that hearing me talk about Ethan can't be easy for you," she told him. "But you're still here and I know there are plenty of other girls that like you and want you and will give you what you want."

"Anastasia, I don't want those other girls. They mean nothing to me anymore," he told her.

"Paul," she began but he placed his finger over her lips.

"Don't Anastasia," he said and she looked up at him. "I just hope one day you'll want to go out with me, that you'll want me to."

"Paul I'm sorry," she whispered as a tear slid down her cheek. "I'm sorry you've been so good to me and I do nothing but hurt you." she told him. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to go out with you."

"Anastasia, I know I'm not Ethan and that I'm so not good enough for you. That I can't even begin to offer you everything Ethan could have or even half of what he could have offered you, could have given you," he told her. He reached over and wiped a tear that ran down her cheek. "I don't have much to offer you at all and I know you'll never love me and maybe you shouldn't love me Anastasia but if you would just give me a chance I could make you happy and I'll always take care of you," he told her. "You're all I want Anastasia and you're the only girl I'll ever want." he said. "Even if you never want me." he whispered.

"Paul," she whispered as she wiped tears from her eyes.

"You don't have to say anything Anastasia," he told her. "I know it had to take a lot for you to talk to me tonight and just knowing you can tolerate me and talk to me, I can let that be enough for now."

"Really? You can?" she asked surprised.

"Yes Anastasia," he told her.

"You're the only one who calls me Anastasia," she told him.

"You don't like it?" he asked worried.

"I don't think you calling me anything but Anastasia would sound right and anyone else calling me Anastasia wouldn't sound right either."

"So I'm the only one allowed to call you Anastasia then?" he asked smiling.

"Yes Paul," she told him.

"Ok then," he smiled. "You want me to walk you home?"

"Yeah," she smiled and Paul stood up and held his hand out to her. Stasia placed her hand in his and she felt his hand tighten around hers and he pulled her up.

"Lets go then," he said and led her towards her house, not letting go of her hand.

"So can I see you tomorrow?" he asked.

"I guess so," she said nervously.

"I make you nervous," he said and she let out a sigh and nodded.

"A little yeah," she admitted and he nodded. "But the good nervous."

"Oh," he said relieved. "Good." he added. "I don't want you to ever be uncomfortable around me," he told her. "And if I do something or say something that makes you uncomfortable I hope you'll tell me." he said and she smiled.

A few minutes later Paul walked Stasia to her front door.

"So tomorrow?" he asked.

"Yes tomorrow," she told him.

"12:00 ok or do you want later?"

"12:00 is fine," she told him and he smiled.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said. "Sleep well Anastasia."

"I will," she whispered. "Be careful going home," she added quietly.

"I will," he promised and she looked up at him.

"Good night Paul," she said and opened the door and went inside.

The next day Stasia woke up and dressed in a pair of jeans and -shirt. She pulled her hair up in a ponytail and went to the kitchen for breakfast.

"Morning," her mom said. "I'm making pancakes, you want some?"

"Sure," Stasia said and her mom glanced over at her.

"You're not going to see Paul today?" her mom asked.

"Not until 12:00," Stasia told her as she sat a plate with three pancakes on it in front of Stasia.

"Thanks." she added. "Why would you think I wasn't seeing him today?" she asked as she started eating

"Well you have your hair pulled up, the last few times you've seen him you've taken the time to wear it in curls."

"And I told you I wasn't wearing my hair like that, in curls, for Paul," she told her.

"Of course not honey," her mom said softly. "So what time will he be here?"

"Twelve," Stasia sighed.

"I'm so glad you're getting out again and trying to have some fun," her mom told her. "Now Paul may not have been the guy I would have picked for you to be spending time with but he's better than nothing."

"He's not really that bad," Stasia said quietly. "Most of the time." she added and went back to eating.

At 12:00 Stasia stepped outside because she knew Paul would be on time to pick her up. Plus she was tired of listening to her mom go on about how happy she was that Stasia was getting out of the house again and trying to have fun and making friends. She shook her head and closed the door. She looked up and saw Paul was about to walk up the steps.

"Hey," he smiled. "I would have knocked."

"I know but I was just tired of listening to my mom," she sighed as she walked down the stairs to meet him.

"What was she saying?" he asked as they fell instep beside each other.

"How she's so glad I'm getting out more," she told him and he smiled. "She didn't think I was meeting you today?"

"Why?"

"Because I have my hair pulled up and not in curls," she told him.

"Oh but you weren't wearing your hair in curls because I liked it." he said and she smiled and shook her head.

"Of course not," she smiled. "So what are we doing today?"

"I don't know," he said. "But I have something for you," he told her and she smiled slightly.

"What?" she asked and he held up the yellow rose in his hand and handed it to her. "Oh wow," she whispered.

"One of your favorite flowers right?" he asked.

"Yes," she said softly and brought the rose to her nose and smelled it. "Thank you." she whipered and he smiled

"So what would you like to do?"

"It doesn't matter Paul," she sighed. "Did you have something in mind?"

"No," he said. "You like movies?"

"Yeah," Stasia said.

"You want to go to a movie?" he asked.

"I don't know," she whispered.

"You want to go to my house?" he asked and she looked over at him nervously. "Its not like you haven't been there before."

"I know," she said softly.

"I'm not going to hurt you Anastasia," he told her. "I want you to like me." he said and she smiled. "We can go to my house and watch a movie and hang out or whatever."

"Ok," she said and nodded her head.

"Come on then," he said and grabbed her hand and led her to his house.

Paul and Stasia walked quietly to his house. When the two of them got to his house Paul opened the door and led her inside.

"You can sit down wherever you want," he told her and she choose a spot on the couch. "Do you want something to drink or anything."

"No Paul, I'm ok." she told him and he nodded and walked over and sat on the couch with her.

"Do you want to find something on TV?" he asked handing her the remote.

"No Paul, you can find something to watch," she said and he turned the TV on and started scrolling through the channels. Stasia sat her rose down on the table as Paul continued to flip through the channels.

"So you said you write songs," Paul said.

"Yeah," she answered softly.

"And I already know you sing well from the other day with the baby," he said and she nodded.

"You play any instruments?"

"I can play the piano and the guitar a little but I'm better at the piano," she told him.

"You're probably better at the guitar than you think you are," Paul told her and she smiled.

"Maybe but I learned to play the guitar because its more portable than a piano," she told him. "I can take a guitar anywhere and work on my songs or something."

"Is there somewhere you write best?" he asked.

"Not really, I just sometimes have to wait for words to come to me," she told him.

"So what comes first when your working on your songs?" he asked curiously.

"Well sometimes words come first and I write them down and then have to work out the music and sometimes I get a tune in my head and put words with it."

"So its different for each song then?"

"Yeah," she smiled and they fell silent for a few minutes.

"So Anastasia, do you want to go to the park with me tomorrow?" Paul asked hopefully.

"I don't know Paul," she said quietly.

"Just two friends hanging out Anastasia, nothing more." he told her. "I'll pick you up around 9:00 and we can spend the whole day together," he said. "You may even have fun."

"Paul," she whispered and looked over at him.

"Its ok Anastasia, maybe another time," he said quietly. "Or maybe not all," he added to himself. and turned back to the TV and went back to flipping through the channels. Stasia looked over at him. There wouldn't be anything wrong with going to the park with Paul. He was trying so hard to be nice and not loose his temper with her. Maybe she should go with him, its just the park.

"Paul," Stasia said softly. "Paul," she whispered and laid her hand on his arm. He turned to look at her.

"Yeah," he whispered.

"I'll go with you," she told him.

"Don't do anything you don't want to Anastasia," he said. "I know you don't really want to go with me."

"And how do you know what I want Paul?" she asked.

"I don't," he sighed. "I wish I did."

"Well I want to go to the park with you tomorrow," she told him and he looked at her as if he was trying to tell if she was lying.

"Ok Anastasia, we'll go," he said smiling slightly.

A couple hours later Paul and Stasia were in the kitchen looking for something for lunch.

"Is there anything you want for lunch?" Paul asked.

"No," Stasia said. "What do you have?" she asked as she walked over and stood beside him.

"Chicken, beef," he said. "We could throw it in the oven or something."

"I thought you couldn't cook."

"I can't," he said softly. "Emily will cook for me sometimes so I buy stuff like that. You know stuff not in a box."

"Let me look," she said quietly and Paul stepped aside as Stasia looked around in the refrigerator. "Which cabinets have your food in them?" she asked and he walked over and opened them. Stasia looked around and pulled out a box of shake n bake and spaghetti sauce. Then she walked over and grabbed the chicken out of the refrigerator and some parmesan cheese.

"Do you need help?" he asked.

"If you want to get something to go with the chicken, some vegetables or something. You can pick those out."

"Ok," he said and walked over to the cabinet.

Stasia opened the box of shake n bake and pulled a packet and plastic bag out. She opened the pack of crumbs and poured them in the bag and added some parmesan cheese to it and then dropped a piece of chicken in the bag and shook it and then placed it in a pan and did the same thing for the other pieces of chicken. Stasia then threw the plastic bag away and washed her hands before sprinkling extra cheese on top of it and sliding it into the oven. Paul walked back over with three cans of green beans.

"You like green beans?" he asked.

"Yes," she said and walked over and put the cheese back in the refrigerator. "Chicken and green beans enough for you?" she asked and he nodded.

"Its fine," he told her. "Do you cook a lot?"

"No not a lot," she told him. "My mom's always cooking, I help her out though." she added. "Although sometimes when I help her cook I think I'm more in the way than helping her." she told him.

"I'm sure its not like that," Paul told her and she shrugged as Paul began opening the cans of green beans and pouring them in a pan to cook.

"Maybe," she said. "So what are you planning on doing at the park tomorrow."

"That's a surprise."

"A surprise because you don't want me to know or because you don't know?" she asked.

"I'll never tell," he smiled and she shook her head as she took the pan with the green beans on it and put it on the stove to cook. "Dress comfortably though," he told her.

"Ok," she said.

A few minutes later Stasia and Paul were sitting down to eat. Stasia had heated up the spaghetti sauce and topped the chicken with it. Paul took a bite of his chicken.

"Its really good," he said and took another bite. "Way better than anything I could have cooked."

"Thank you," she said quietly as she took a bite of her food and they finished the rest of the meal in silence. After eating Paul and Stasia both cleaned up the kitchen and then went back to the living room to sit down.

"I'll walk you home when you get ready to go," Paul told her.

"You don't have to do that."

"I know Anastasia, I want to," he told her. "If you'll let me."

"Ok," she agreed.

"Good," he said.

So a few hours later Paul walked Stasia home. Neither one of them talked much on the way to her house but for Paul just being close to her was enough. Ever since he had been spending time with Stasia and been nice to her his wolf had left him alone. His wolf was happy to be close to Stasia and that Stasia seemed to be more comfortable around him and seemed to be liking him a little more.

Stasia and Paul stopped at her front door when they got to her house.

"Thanks for walking me home and for the flower," she said holding the flower up.

"You never have to thank me Anastasia," he told her and he saw her smile. "I'll see you in the morning."

"9:00," she said and he nodded.

"We'll have fun Anastasia," he told her and she nodded and opened the door and went inside. Paul let out a sigh and made his way home looking forward to another day with Stasia.