9 months have gone by so quickly. Some days I just want to try to stop time. Even though I know I can't.

These every day moments aren't lost on me. Sometimes that surprises me.

I didn't realize that I had it in me to slow down like this. To just sit here and rock with Lulu without worrying about what's next. To enjoy each breath. To marvel at the length of her eyelashes or the sprinkling of freckles that has popped up across her nose.

I didn't know that I'd appreciate the chance to hold her while she drinks a bottle or that I'd even be aware that these times are drawing to a close.

She's already cutting back on the number of bottles, starting to use a sippy cup, and eating more and more real food.

And I've realized that there are somethings I want to tell her. Sure, I expect to have the opportunity to tell her when she's older, but I know all to well that sometimes we don't get as much time as we'd like with our loved ones. August always reminds me of how close I came to missing all of this. It breaks my heart to even consider not being here to watch Lulu grow up, but if for some reason I'm not, I want to make sure I've told her all the things she needs to know. And that most of all, that she knows that I love her.

That's why I set up the video camera. I've turned the rocker so it's facing the bookshelf. I figured maybe if I tape myself while I'm feeding her, I won't be so self conscious.

"So, Lulu. I've been thinking about this for a while. Really ever since Father's day. I'm sorry if this all comes out kind of lame, but at least you'll know your old man tried.

First, I want you to know that I know that there are going to be moments in your life where having a old guy for a Dad is going to kind of stink. And I want to let you know, I'm sorry about that. I'm going to do my best not to let my age slow us down but when it does, we'll stop and smell the flowers or notice the way spider webs look. We'll try to find the good in it.

But I have to tell you that I wouldn't change anything, because if I changed anything about how your Mom and I met, or how long it took us to figure things out, then we might not have you. And I love you and your Mom more than anything in the world. I can't imagine my life without you. So I wouldn't do anything that might mean missing out on this.

Honestly, I don't think I'd even be alive today if it wasn't for your Mom. I got hurt really badly once, you might even read about it in your history book someday. I don't know what it will say, but here's what I want you to know. Sometimes it looks like hate wins. But it doesn't. Love always wins in the end as long as there are still people with love in their hearts. So hold on to the love, no matter what happens. Find a way to hold on to the love.

Love is the reason I'm still here today. After some boys shot me because they hated everyone who was different then them, your Mom took care of me. At first, I thought it was because she worked for me, but your Bubbe told me that I was a schmuck. Bubbe was right. No one would do all that your Mom did unless they really cared about you, so I finally admitted that she was the best friend I ever had, but that's all I admitted.

Anyway, your Mom made me follow a bunch of rules, I think you're going to find out that your Mom really likes rules. She likes to know what is expected of her and she likes everyone else to know what she expects too. I like to tease her about it, but she's not an evil tyrant. She's smart and she's fair. And you and I would probably be wise to follow her rules. So she made rules to help me recover and she made everyone else, even Grandpa Jed, follow them.

Do you know what rule was number 1? "Never give up." There were days I wanted to. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to blink. I was tired. I was sad. And I was scared. But your Mom told me I wasn't allowed to give up. So I didn't. And here I am.

Now you might think that I must have fell in love with her that summer. But like your Bubbe said, I was a schmuck. I mean I knew I loved her, don't get me wrong, but I didn't let myself admit I was in love with her. And it took me a long time to figure that out.

I knew your Mom was special the very first time I met her. She was brave, and tenacious. And smart, and funny, and cute as hell. So I liked her right away. And within a few months, I even knew that I more than liked her, but if anyone asked me, I would have said that I loved her the same way as I love Uncle Sam or Uncle Toby or Aunt Zoey or Uncle Charlie. But the more time that went by, the more I knew I didn't love her the same as any of those people. I loved her more. But I really didn't understand how much more until I almost lost her.

The first time I almost lost her it was because I didn't tell her how I felt. It took another man getting interested in your Mom for me to finally realize that I loved her as more than a friend, as more than family. I loved her in a way that if I ever lost her, I would be incomplete. But you know what? I was still a schmuck and I still didn't tell her, because I was scared. Don't let fear hold you back baby girl. Once you know something in your soul, act on it. Don't wait until it's too late.

But I didnt act, and I almost lost her a second time. You'll probably read about that in your history book too. Your Mom and I haven't figured out how we are going to explain our scars to you, even though we know that someday you'll probably ask about them. Whatever we manage to say just remember, evil doesn't win unless we let it.

So, anyway, even after almost losing your Mom twice, it still took me a long time to get my act together. But luckily your Mom has always been the smart one. She knew when it was time to make a change. She was brave enough to walk walk from the White House and take a new job, even though it meant leaving me behind, and that change helped me eventually come to my senses.

Your Mom can tell you all about our story. She'll probably tell it better. The only thing I want to make sure that you know is that you are the product of the greatest love story ever. Even though I'm a schmuck sometimes, I finally figured out that your Mom is my soulmate. There never was, and there never will be, another woman that I could love like I love your Mom, and I really believe that when this life is over, we'll find each other again. When it gets to the point when I'm not with the two of you, keep her company for me until we meet again, okay?"

I take a deep breath and look over at the camera. The record light is still blinking, and Lulu is still looking at me with her wide blue eyes. So I go on.

"There are some stories your Mom doesn't know. Those are the stories I want to tell you. We'll probably have to do this more than once. I hope you don't mind.

So, let me tell you about my Dad. His name was Noah Lyman. You're kind of named after him. Your Mom really liked the name Noah for a boy. She knew my Dad was important to me, and even though she only met him once she wanted to honor him. It was your Grandma Moss who suggested Leonora for a girl. I knew it was a perfect name for you because it combines the names of two men that really mean a lot to me, Leo McGarry, who I'll tell you about later, and my Dad, Noah. Your Mom thought that Leonora might be too much. Apparently she finds Donnatella to be a handful sometimes. But I love both of your names. So if you don't like Leonora, you can blame me, and your Mom will commiserate with you.

Lulu is all me too. I started calling you that before you were born, and now everyone seems to. Your Mom said she might call you Nora when you get older, but honestly, you'll always be Lulu to me. I hope you like it.

Anyway, back to my Dad. Noah Lyman was a really good Dad. I loved him very much. My number one goal in life has always been to make him proud of me.

That's kind of why I went to Harvard and Yale. That's where he went too. And his Dad, my grandfather, also went to Yale. Technically, we're all lawyers, although someday your Mom might tell you that I'm not a real lawyer.

I'll be honest, I would really like it if you went to Harvard. I'll probably say it a lot. But it's okay if you don't. I want you to make the choices that will make you happy. Don't ever let my aspirations for you get in the way of your own dreams.

My Dad taught me that. Even though he was really excited when I went to Harvard, then Yale law school. He wasn't upset when I told him I wasn't going to be a litigator like him. I wanted to go into politics, like his friend Leo. He gave Leo a bit of a hard time for leading me astray. But we both knew that he was just kidding. And once I told my Dad what my dreams were, he encouraged me to follow them. And he did everything he could to help me reach them.

I think you are going to do great things, Lulu. But if ever seems like I'm putting too much pressure on you, or that my expectations are overshadowing what you want from life, just tell your Mom. She'll smack me on the back of the head and bring me back to my senses. She knows what it's like to have to break free from what other people want for you. Your grandparents are nice people but they had ideas about what kind of life your Mom should have. It took a lot for your Mom to become her own person. And she did. She made some mistakes along the way but they just helped her get even better.

I keep getting side tracked and talking about your Mom. I can't help it. She's the best person I've ever known. But I really do want to tell you about My Dad.

Another thing he taught me was to work hard. He was a partner at Debevoise & Plimpton. That's a big law firm in New York. Everyday he'd go in at 7 in the morning and come home at 8 at night. A lot of times he took the train or used a driver so he could work during the commute. He was good at what he did, and he helped a lot of people.

During the week, it seemed like all he did was work. But on the weekends, we'd work together in the yard for a while. Then we played catch or practice hitting. We'd watch the Mets on TV and few times a year we'd go to Shea Stadium. He's the reason I love baseball.

There were times when I resented how much he worked, but he was there for all the important moments. And he was there on the weekends. And I never doubted he loved me.

I know there may be sometimes this job means that I'll have to be away from you more than I'd like, but I promise, I be there for the important moments, and I be here on weekends, and I will make sure you never have any reason to doubt that I love you.

Because, Lulu, I love you so much. I wish I could tell you, but honestly, I don't have enough words. And really there is no way for you to know until you have kids of your own. It's the most incredible feeling ever.

There was only one thing my Dad didn't do for me. He never stopped smoking. I asked him to several times when I was little, but he just couldn't quit. Eventually he got lung cancer, and it killed him. So he didn't get to know that I finally got smart and asked your Mom to marry me. And he never got to meet you.

So I promise, I'm going to do my best to stay healthy. I don't smoke. I'm eating a lot more salads and I'm running a lot more these days. I want to be there when you are ready to walk down the aisle, and I want to be there to meet your children. I'll do everything I can to make that happen. Okay?"

Lulu's eyes are closed now. I know even if she were awake she wouldn't really understand what I've been saying, but I wanted to say this out loud. Realistically, I know that she's probably going to have to live most of her adulthood without me, just like I've had to live without my Dad. I want her to be able to hear my voice whenever she needs it. I want to make sure that she knows what she means to me.

I hear a sniffle from the door way and look over my shoulder. Donna's standing there with tears running down her face. But she's smiling at me.

"How long have you been eavesdropping?"

"Long enough. That was the sweetest thing ever. God, I want to jump you right now."

"Donna! Turn the video off before you say something like that!"

"You recorded it?"

"Yeah. I thought maybe I'd start recording some stuff. Just in case . . ."

"Don't talk that way. You know I can't stand that."

"I know. That's why I didn't tell you, silly. Let me just put her in the crib and we can get back to the other thing."

"What thing was that?"

"The part where you wanted to jump me for being so sweet."