Matsuda's never been very good at waiting. That's why he watches TV so much, because a lot of the time you're hanging around waiting for someone like Raito or Ryuzaki to tell you what to do, or for some data to load, or you're just kind of bored of looking through loads of files.

The waiting right now is much worse than that, of course. There are so many things that could go wrong, and he can't do anything to stop any of them because he isn't doing anything important in this plan except maybe deliberately screwing up, later. And it still feels like everyone else is ignoring him. Even Gevanni, though Gevanni's probably worrying about the plan too. He didn't look happy earlier. Matsuda feels kind of glad that there's someone else who feels kind of bad about themselves, even though Gevanni's got far less of a reason to do so.

Mello and Lidner aren't here; Gevanni is, standing by one of the windows, idly drumming his fingers against it. Aizawa and Ide are talking in one of the far corners. Matsuda bets they're talking about him, but they're keeping their voices low and the words are drowned out by the sound of the radio, turned right down, music distant as if it's coming from a house several doors down. It makes Matsuda think of long dull Sunday afternoons when he was a kid, when there was no one to hang out with and all he had to do was homework that he didn't understand. But he stays in that memory anyway, his mind wandering through bored channel-hopping, old movies and sport stuff that he used to wonder if anyone watched, and the pale grey sky glowing in the screen. And from another part of the house, the constant beat of his brother's radio -

The phone rings, right next to him on the table. He doesn't really think about it. (Well, he does. He thinks about how if he just waited for someone else to answer, he'd be agreeing with them and how they think he's useless, not even capable of answering a phone. But maybe that's later, when he's rationalising it.)

He picks it up, mind feeling very clear and empty, and hits Answer. "Hello?"

"Is that Matsuda?"

It's Raito, of course it is. Matsuda feels like everything else is rushing away from him and there's only Raito's voice, heavy and warm on his face.

"Yeah," he manages to say. "I mean - yes, yes it is. What do you want?"

"How are you?" Raito's voice is light, friendly. He's always been able to talk like that, even when he was still in high school, he always sounded polite - and suddenly Matsuda remembers him screaming and cursing and hunched over with the blood pouring from his hand and then, then the spatters on the walls are back.

"Matsuda?" Raito says, softly.

"I - I'm fine. I'm fine!"

Gevanni's hurried out of the room, probably to find Mello and Lidner; Aizawa and Ide have dashed over and Aizawa is already making give me the phone gestures. Matsuda pretends he hasn't seen.

"That's good," Raito says. There's a hint like he's laughing, now, like he knows how not-fine Matsuda is. He'd be pleased, wouldn't he? Matsuda shot him, for goodness sake. "I had a message for you all, actually. I thought you'd like to know I've spoken to Takada and convinced her to... go along with your demands."

"That's - that's good. Thank -" Matsuda bites off the end of the sentence.

"She's not particularly happy about it, as I'm sure you can imagine. She takes her position as Kira's spokeswoman very seriously, and it's extremely upsetting for her to be forced into using it to spread lies. But we want to be able to continue making the world a better place, so we've had to accept your demands on this occasion. She'll be airing her retraction tomorrow morning, on News at Seven."

"Good." Oh, god, they're supposed to be making plans, aren't they, setting up a meeting. Think, you idiot, think! "So... we'll meet a week from today then? If - if you guys don't take it back in the meantime. The - the TV stuff, I mean."

"I think that's what Aizawa was suggesting," Raito says. "So that would be February 9th. In the Yellow Box Warehouse. Shall we say one p.m. again? That seemed to work quite well last time, didn't it?"

"Sure. I'll... I'll tell Aizawa. He can call you if there's anything else he wants to say."

"And then what will happen?"

"Huh?"

"Oh, Matsuda," Raito says, still with that edge of laughter in his voice. "You really haven't thought ahead very far, have you? Haven't you realised that everyone despises you for what you've done?"

The air seems to grow thin suddenly, like it does when you're really angry, but Matsuda doesn't feel angry, just numb, it's not true, it's not really true, it can't be -

"Do you really think the NPA will want you back?" Raito says. "They'll have to prosecute you. Isn't that what you're fighting for? A legal system that doesn't let anyone get away? And besides, Aizawa and Ide and Mogi have always been so sure that they're on the moral high ground. When it comes down to it, they'll do the right thing, they'll ensure that anyone they deem a criminal is judged through a court of law. But courts don't understand the human feeling behind it all, do they?"

Matsuda tries to speak. He tries to say something like leave me alone, this isn't important, but he can't get the words out. Raito carries on, "No court would listen to you when you tried to explain that you were just scared. Or that you're not a bad person. And you set yourself against Kira a long time ago." He laughs. It's almost nervous, as if he's not sure whether Matsuda will get the joke. "So what are you going to do?"

"I'm..." His heart is pounding, the beat sticking in his throat. "I'm going to..."

"Go on the run?" Raito says. "Ally yourself with the criminals?" He snorts. "I'd like to see that happen."

Matsuda wants to scream at him to shut up but he can't give away to Ide and Aizawa what's being talked about. He swallows and tries to speak but there aren't any words. For a moment, Raito is silent too, but then, all at once, he says, "Kira punishes those who deserve it, Matsuda. But he spares those who show they're loyal. Those who repent. Those fools you're taking orders from? They're all just doing it to assuage their egos. I would have said that you are, too, if it wasn't for the fact that destroying Kira will get you jailed for life, if not executed -"

It's another moment of not-thinking. Matsuda slams the phone shut, and the voice is gone, it's just him and Aizawa and Ide and the silence -

"What did he say?" Aizawa says at last.

Matsuda swallows. When he starts to speak, it's okay. He thought even speaking would send everything crashing down but it doesn't, it's okay - "Taki - Takada will... she'll say it tomorrow morning. News at Seven. Then... then we'll meet on the 9th. At one o'clock, like... like before, and..."

"And?"

"That's it."

"No, it's not," Ide says. "You were on the phone for much longer."

"He was just... saying stuff. About how... how we thought we were so great and now... now we're complete losers. You know what he's like." He stares at them both, trying to look blank and unassuming. Aizawa scowls: "Typical." Ide doesn't look so convinced, but Matsuda doesn't look at him. "He said you can call him back if there's more you want to say," he says to Aizawa. "So you can... you can do that if... if you want. I'm going to..." He's stumbling towards the door, pushing past Mello and Gevanni and Lidner, who've just come in - Mello snarls something at him but he doesn't care - and then he's out in the corridor. No light in here. Dusty air; a sliver on the floor from the window at the end.

"Matsuda -"

The door swings open - a blast of warmer air, then it closes. Matsuda wants to keep walking, maybe call back something sardonic and uncaring like why do you keep wanting to follow me or whatever, but if he speaks the words will stick in his throat, he'll sound croaky and like he's trying not to cry. And if he just walks without speaking, he'll look like he's sulking. So he stops, digging his nails into his palms and wishing he could be like all the others here and just act a bit pissed off if someone was a jerk.

Except that it isn't just that Raito was being a jerk. Raito's got a point, after all; how can Matsuda be fighting for proper rules and laws and then turning round and saying he doesn't want them to apply to him? And he has to keep fighting, he made his choice, he made it so damn obvious how much he hated Kira and how much he wanted Raito dead and now he's - now he'll get what he wishes and if that dooms him too then it's his own fault, isn't it?

"What did he say?" Ide has stopped, isn't that far down the corridor - he sounds truculent, like he's determined to prove Matsuda's deliberately lying to him.

"He was just... being... being crazy." Matsuda makes himself say it. The words sound like someone else is speaking them. "You know, because he is and all. It freaked me out."

"Right." A few hesitant steps closer, and then Ide is standing behind him. "Well... you should tell us things like that. Really you should have let us listen to the call, connected up the phone again. It's important we know how he's acting."

"I know that." Matsuda swallows. "He just said..."

And he's too hot suddenly, and all the fear and fury is curling itself into the centre of his chest and why the hell should he tell Ide anything, it's not like Ide can do much about it, all that would happen is another lecture on how stupid Matsuda is -

"He just said how his dad would've... would've thought badly of us. It... made me mad."

"He's a lunatic," Ide says, and he sounds scornful, like he's bought the lie, and Matsuda risks looking round at him. Their eyes meet and Ide clears his throat and carries on, shifting his gaze away, "The Chief wouldn't be thinking badly of us, and he knows that. He just doesn't want to face it."

"Yeah. I guess."

"I'm not surprised it got to you, though." Ide glances at him again. He is speaking a little too loudly. "To actually trot out a line like that... it's disgusting."

Matsuda shrugs, and is turning away again when Ide says, very quickly, "About what I said before -"

"You were right." Oh, so now Ide's going to start giving one of those I'm-sorry-but-it-really-was-kind-of-your-fault apologies? Because you can't really hate someone so incompetent? "I need to get some guts."

"I..."

"Look, I could use some - some time on my own. Clear my head -" and he forces a grin, and then makes himself walk away and Ide just says, a bit hopelessly, "Right," and then the corridor is bending round and Matsuda's finally on his own and he just walks, through the dark, dusty building, and he feels shaken and sick and like he wants to hit something but under all that there's a bit of hope, like someone's showing him a way out at last.

ooo

Misa hasn't been able to sleep all night. She used to be really good at getting to sleep in unfamiliar places. She even managed to sleep a little when they thought she was Kira and had her tied up in the dark, although that was always kind of scary because you forgot whether you had your eyes open, and what was a dream and what had really happened. A lot of the time, she dreamt about getting out of there.

Anyway, there's no need to think about that right now.

This room isn't very nice. The sheets are itchy and the carpet doesn't fit right, there are patches of linoleum underneath. The room is small and draughty and outside the view is onto a yard lined with bins. She can hear voices calling, clatters, the hum of vehicles. It's not romantic. It's not anything else, either, it's not scary or strange or cruel. It's like life was before she went to look for Kira, when she was waiting for that man to be tried. Everything was nasty. Everything's nasty now except that there's someone to hold on to, and even then that doesn't feel quite enough any more.

Maybe it's just what Mochi said to her. Maybe it's soured all the memories of Raito she has. Another way he's hurt her. He worries about that, that he's hurting her by sleeping with her; she can tell. Sometimes she wants to scream at him that he's hurt her already, differently, he's lied and tricked and made her come back here (although here is fading behind them now, like a sign in a car mirror). Other times she wants to cling to him and tell him she loves him and try and pretend to both of them that this is all she needs. That it doesn't matter if she never gets back to Raito, never sees him again. She knows Mochi wants her to feel that - either because then he'll get to be her boyfriend instead (seems weird thinking of him being anyone's boyfriend, he's too serious for that word) or because he really does think Raito is dangerous. Misa doesn't know what she thinks about the second possibility. Sometimes she knows it's not true. Sometimes she knows that even if it were true, it doesn't matter, because she can't go on without Raito and when she thinks about keeping walking through life with him gone she would rather be dead. Sometimes...

The third sometimes is hard to hear and she often ends up crying when she tries to listen to it.

But Mochi can't expect her just to shrug, accept her fiance lied to her, and move on, can he? He's got to understand that Misa needs to talk to Raito. But they both know she can only do that through Kiyomi, and they both know that will get them killed.

It's early morning - still very dark. They're both awake; she's lying in his arms, and they're waiting for the news to come on. He's dozing again, which is probably good, because Misa is pretty sure she would make a move on him again if they were talking and then they'd take even longer to get out of the hotel. She can't help it. When they're together like that she feels like her, and furiously pleased with herself. Raito will be so angry. Hey, he might actually hurt a little. He might be the one asking for reassurance for once. And even when she wavers on that she can comfort Mochi instead. Tell him that they'll sort things out, that they'll teach Kiyomi a lesson, that Matsu and the others are going to be fine. She puts as much effort in as if it were Raito she's talking to. And Mogi, unlike Raito, doesn't shout at her or tell her she's being stupid. He smiles tiredly and strokes her hair (still carefully, as if he thinks she'll suddenly change her mind).

Mochi is different from Raito. Raito would sometimes make her feel good because he wanted to be the best, and... he was, of course (but there was something else to it, to the two of them together, that she can't remember) and other times he just wouldn't care; if she begged and pleaded and wore him down he would fuck her and it would be quick and painful and - and there was something she told herself, something that meant this didn't matter, and she can't remember that either - maybe it's just that she loves him enough she doesn't care, but if that's the case, why doesn't she just know it? Why does it feel like she's missing something?

Was it him being Kira?

But if it was, then why doesn't everything make sense?

Some chat show is on right now. Misa's watched it on and off for months, always on her own, in hotels while on shoots or in the apartment, sprawled across the sofa and revelling in the place being task force-free for a bit. She never lay in Raito's arms watching it. They never did that with any TV except the news. Then he'd let her cuddle him, kiss his neck even, because...

Well, they were doing something together. Actually, if he were Kira all that time, he probably felt pretty pleased watching the news, such a lot of it being about him. He probably liked seeing her take an interest.

This is all guessing, though. She can't actually remember whether Raito asked her to watch the news, or whether she suggested it, or whether they just fell into the habit. She can't even remember them ever talking about it. She lives for moments of coupledom, of her and Raito being together, so why can't she remember them?

She sighs, and Mochi touches her shoulder. She makes herself smile up at him - "Don't worry! Misa's fine -" but the question nags at her, still. Did Raito act all happy when they talked about Kira? Did he expect Misa to notice? Perhaps that's why he went to Takada this time. Perhaps she'd been so blind that he assumed she would simply pretend this wasn't happening.

That stuff Fuyumi said, behind Misa's back. About Misa not being able to see the truth. Misa knows it's not true, but - but what if it's how she comes across? Even Mochi kept secrets from her, thought she couldn't cope with knowing the real story. Hopefully he sees how strong she really is. But she wishes she actually felt strong.

Doesn't matter. He doesn't have to know how scared she is. She's just as good as him at putting on a brave face. She raises her chin a little and squeezes his hand and makes herself focus on the TV instead of her thoughts. They're just finishing interviewing some star about her divorce. She's crying prettily, saying how sad it is that this has happened during the month of February. They make a joke about how it's a shame they didn't get past White Day. Misa remembers, idly, as if it's a fact about someone she used to know years before, that it's Raito's birthday this month. She doesn't want to think about what she'll do if all this is still going on then.

"Now, now, Harumi-chan, you're not the only one who thinks they'll be feeling lonely on Valentine's Day!" The presenter turns to the camera, and starts going on about other couples who have broken up. Misa wants to flick the channel, the last thing she wants to hear about is other people's failed relationships, but she's going to put on a brave face, she can't let Mochi see how much she hates this. So she keeps listening to all the failures. He's been seen leaving a love hotel with another girl. She has asked for a divorce. She has been too busy in her new film career. He has run off with his accountant's wife. It matches the cigarette burns on the sheet, the way the bathroom door doesn't close properly.

"And lastly, what about backout queen Misa-Misa? No one's seen her since she failed to turn up for the New Year's celebrations on NHN. A close friend of hers revealed that she and her fiance, an office worker, have been having problems, and now he doesn't even know where she is!"

Mogi starts, leans forward. Lucky he does, really. Misa would probably figure she'd dozed off. Or was going mad for real, imagining the TV talking to her -

"Exactly," the other presenter says. "Our source said that all the husband-to-be wants is for Misa-Misa to call him and tell him where she is and who she's with. We were told, and I quote, 'he's really worried that she's in trouble with the police, or that she's forgotten how much he loves her. All he needs is for her to do the right thing and call him.' Although I wonder, will he still be so happy if she tells him she's run away with a new man?

"We'll continue to bring you all the top gossip as soon as we hear it!"

And then they just start going on about bad make-up choices like nothing's happened.

Misa feels like someone's dumped a pile of snow on her head. Raito is - Raito never forgot her, he's been looking, all this time, he -

She is wriggling round to face Mogi, desperate to rejoice with someone, but of course he's not smiling. He's watching her warily, and - of course he must be terrified that she'll run off and betray him to NHN right away. And then - like a punch -

Of course Raito doesn't mean it. It's Kiyomi, trying to track her down.

She bites her lip and she feels so stupid and she almost turns away from Mochi, hides her face so she can cry. But she can't quite let him see how hopeful she was, and how disappointed she is now.

"Guess... guess NHN have started to look for me, right?" she manages to say. Her voice is croaky.

He nods. "They haven't reported you as a fugitive, though. If..." He swallows, and glances away from her for a moment. "If you want to keep on going as we are, then we can probably get away with it a bit longer."

Misa doesn't know what she wants. What she wants is to be - is to be back with Raito and for none of this to have happened. To be back with Raito and... and for him to hug her and stroke her hair and tell her how much he loves her. And for Mochi to... to...

"If I didn't do anything, right... she'd probably just keep... keep playing the message?" She can feel herself blushing. All at once she doesn't want to talk about this any more. She wants to kiss Mochi and duck under the covers and touch him and make herself - make them both feel really happy and sort of hope that the decision will have sorted itself out without her afterwards. How can she know what to do? (It could be Raito. It could, and if she just doesn't do anything... will he think she's angry with him? That she's changed sides? Will that be it?)

"Yes. But if you don't respond to it, I imagine they'd assume that... well, that I was with you and had convinced you of..." His voice trails off, and Misa feels his arm slide off of her, like he's suddenly realised anew that he's in bed with someone else's fiancee. "Or at least that I was preventing you from watching TV. They... might start accusing you of being against Kira too."

"Are you... are you saying I should call NHN, then?" Misa makes herself giggle. All at once she can't keep looking at Mogi. "That doesn't sound like one of your best ideas."

"I don't know. You may... you may decide you'd like to separate. Or... you might choose to... to..." He stops again. Misa really can't look at him now. What's she supposed to say? She never said - she never promised Mogi that -

What if Raito really doesn't -

"I have to know," she hears herself say.

She can hear his puzzled silence, and she carries on, clenching her fists, making herself say what she thinks and only that - no giggling, no pretense - facing the truth -

"I have to talk to Raito. I'll... I'll call him. Now. I'll call his mobile. I'll tell him I'm here on my own... say you creeped me out with the stuff you told me so I went back to my sister's. I can ask him about all... all the things you've mentioned. I just won't... I just won't say that you're here too."

Not yet, anyway. Perhaps, when... or maybe, maybe she can say that she and Mochi went to a love hotel back in Tokyo, that they've become close, that Misa feels so guilty but she was so unsure... Make Raito see, at least, that Misa isn't so predictable. Has feelings too.

"Will you go back to him?" Mogi says, quietly.

Misa makes herself shrug. She wants to say I don't know, it depends what he says; or of course I will, I love him; but she thinks that if she talks too much about this she'll start crying. She doesn't know why. This - she will talk to Raito and she'll explain and he will cuddle her and be kind just like Mochi is because he won't want to lose her -

She nearly backs out - she nearly says no, it's a bad plan, let's just stay hiding. But she's not a coward. She's not, and she trusts Raito to love her. She has to - to give him a chance to prove it.

She scrambles out of bed, starts looking for her clothes. Mogi just sits there for a moment, staring at her as if he doesn't know what she's doing, but eventually he starts following suit.

She feels like she's dressed way too quickly. She feels untidy, like her clothes are on inside out. Her hair's a mess, too, but that probably doesn't matter. She stands still, kicks her heels against the wall, as Mogi finishes putting his clothes on. When he's done he looks over at her and their eyes meet.

"If he asks you if you're with me, or where I am, you'll lie?" he says at last.

She nods. She doesn't want to get Mochi caught, after all. This is about her and Raito, no one else.

Mogi is still looking wary. All at once Misa doesn't want to be talked out of this. She's made up her mind, right? She's going to resolve all this. She -

And if Raito does -

"I promise," she says. "I... I like you too, Mochi." She wants to add to that, give him something to feel happy about, say that if she'd never met Raito, then...

But she has, and she loves him, and she needs him, and she will miss this, but - but she will get all she needs from Raito now, really...

"I should get out of here while it's still dark," he says. "There's a payphone in the foyer. If you come and find me afterwards, then..."

"Sure. You'll go back along the side of the motorway, right? Through the woods? I'll follow."

"Be careful."

"Misa is always careful."

They don't hug or kiss as he heads out of the room. She waits until she figures he's got far enough away to be safe, and then she takes a deep breath and walks downstairs herself.

There isn't anyone about in the hotel lobby, but there is the payphone in the corner. Misa feeds it the change she can dredge up from her purse and then stands trying to touch as little of anything in the room as possible. Her shoes stick slightly to the carpet, and her breath hot on her face from the phone's receiver seems to be full of the breath of everyone else who's used it to say horrible things. This shouldn't be the setting for her reunion with Raito. She should, like, be in a nice room in all pinks and whites and greens, maybe with a chandelier. And lots of windows and it being a fresh sunny day, and polite staff asking her if there was anything else she wanted. That would make her feel like she was doing the right thing, returning to real life. As it is she feels like this is the affair, standing in a grimy hallway making a secret call from a love hotel -

She has always memorised Raito's mobile numbers - for some reason, probably because she thought it was a cute girlfriend thing to do - and so she can stab it out now, hoping she's remembering right, hoping it will be him who picks up. What if it's Kiyomi? Well, Misa can just say I thought Raito might be worried. And, all ice cold, if you speak to him, please tell him I'm staying with my family, okay?

What if nobody picks up? That's okay too, Misa can just leave a voicemail and then she can go and find Mochi and - and okay, she won't have talked to Raito, but all at once she doesn't want to, she's scared enough to feel sick, what if he just says -

"Yagami speaking."

Misa almost can't speak - the shock of his real voice in her ear, that he's not just someone living in her head - but if she doesn't get up the courage to talk then she might just slam the phone down and run, so she swallows and makes herself squeal, "Raito! It's Misa-Misa!"

"Where are you?" he snaps - and it is a snap. Misa tries to remind herself that she did just run off without telling him anything. He's worried about her. Sudden tears sting her eyes, but she swallows again and chirps, "I'm so sorry! Mochi showed up and told me you were hurt and I should run away. He totally freaked me out, so -"

"I don't have time for this," Raito says. "Tell me where you are."

The rage flares up without Misa having any say in it and before she can think she's replied, "Oh? Busy with Kiyomi?"

Silence for a moment.

"It's none of your business what I do professionally," Raito says at last, but his voice is cold and hard with fury as if she's really struck a nerve. She thought she wanted to strike a nerve but she doesn't, she knows that now. She forgot how much Raito will fight to stop anyone seeing him vulnerable. If she hurts him, he'll hurt her back just to prove he doesn't care. "I had to meet with Takada. I was trying to catch a serial killer, in case you've forgotten. Now stop wasting my time and tell me where you are and who you're with. Now."

Misa hears herself laugh scornfully. "Oh, come on. Misa knows who you really are." She wasn't going to come out with that. Not right away. But she doesn't know what else she's meant to say.

She wanted to hurt Raito. She wanted to knock him off-balance. But there's a smile in his voice as he says, "So... Mogi's with you, then? The two of you have obviously been talking."

She's back on track now. "Why would Mochi be with me? What I was going to say was, he showed up at the Teito Hotel and told me... told me lots of stuff. I didn't know what to think, okay? He said you..." Her voice is trembling for real now, so she carries on, "I wanted to get some time on my own. I went back to my sister's. Then... then I saw the thing on the news and I figured maybe we should... talk."

"What did he tell you?"

"That you're..." There's no one in the foyer, but she doesn't want to spell it out. "You know. That you and Kiyomi are looking for Mochi and the others because they stole something of yours. And... and you don't love me." Saying it doesn't make her feel much better. It's like wrenching something out. "So... so I wanted time to think."

"And have you thought?" Raito says, and his voice is actually nasty now. Misa wishes they were speaking face to face so she could see how much all this was really bothering him. Down the phone he just sounds bored. Irritated with her and with all of it. "Why exactly are you calling? It clearly wasn't to be of any use. Tell me again, do you have any idea where Mogi is?"

"No!" she snaps back. "And who cares about him anyway? Weren't you even listening? I... Raito, look, I..." I keep thinking maybe you never loved me. And please - I need - it's the contempt in his voice that makes this really awful, like he isn't even upset, he's just bored -

"If you're not going to help me, then you may as well save the money and hang up." His voice is softer now. "I'm almost positive that you and Mogi did leave Tokyo together. Why else would you have gone all the way up to Kansai?" Misa bites her lip, stares at the grubby LCD on the phone showing how much time there is left. She focuses on tucking the phone under her chin, reaching for her purse, scrounging up another couple of coins. Raito is carrying on, "You could have just stayed in Tokyo. Moved to another hotel, perhaps. He convinced you to run away because he told you that I was dangerous. But what I don't understand is why you believed him."

"Didn't... I didn't say -"

"Then why aren't you telling me the truth?" Raito says, and he's so calm now, it's as if Misa's the one who's been losing her temper all along. "If you'd decided to throw your lot in with him, you wouldn't be calling me now. Or if you did, it would only be to reassure me. You wouldn't be asking to talk. Did he make you promise? I don't see why that would stop you. Not if you really wanted to help me.

"Or is there something else you don't want to tell me?"

He knows. Or he's guessing that he knows, at least. This - he was supposed to be knocked off-balance - he was supposed to hurt -

"I'll forgive you," Raito whispers. "I always forgive those who love me. And I know you love me, Misa. I know you haven't been lying all this time. Mogi was only using you to stay hidden. He's desperate. He's already dead and he knows it."

Please let me still love you.

It won't be any different from how it is now. It will be her following Raito around, waiting for him to get home, watching TV on her own, flirting with other guys just to remind herself she still exists, that she hasn't actually become invisible. She wants to be angry. She wants to scream and stamp her foot and tell him that she doesn't need him. But - and this is the awful part - he will call her bluff. Because he doesn't need her. Not any more.

He only needs people who are going to be useful to him.

She is crying properly now, resting her forehead against the phone, the smell of metal and plastic in her throat. Not this. Please not this. Not seeing it all, not knowing - she's wrong, she has to be - she's always been stupid -

She wishes, suddenly, that Mogi had decided to throw caution to the winds and come and find her. She could sob into his shirt front and she could scream at him that this was all his fault, he told her all that stuff about Raito and everything was spoilt. And then she'd kiss him and let him touch her and she could hold back the truth, just a bit longer -

It can't be true - it can't -

A series of bleeps in her ear, and then the dial tone. Her money's run out. She doesn't bother looking for more, she knows there isn't any. Just puts the phone back on the hook. Okay. Okay, so... so she... Mochi's okay, and Raito's okay, and she... and she... Perhaps if she just threw herself in front of a car, or went back upstairs and climbed out of the window, perhaps that would...

No, don't be so stupid, he'll love you if you help him, there's nothing wrong with that...

Of course not. But it won't be the same now. All this has taken the shine off it. She can see herself begging for affection. And she can definitely see herself knowing what she's missing. Just someone to curl up on the sofa with. Someone who would be nervous around her sometimes in case she stopped liking him. Someone she could hurt as much as he could hurt her -

The phone is ringing.

Misa stares at it and wonders if she's dreaming or going mad at last before she sees that the number on the screen is Raito's. Shakily, she reaches out, picks up.

"Hello?"

Her voice is thick and raspy.

"Is it loyalty to him?" Raito says, his voice warm and kind and pitying. "Are you worried he'll be angry if you tell?"

"Please," she whispers, "please, Raito..." Please love me. Please don't make it be true how it looks. Please...

"He's angry with you already," Raito says. "He just doesn't know it."

Misa shakes her head. Mochi hardly ever gets mad with anyone. And it's Raito he's angry at - he doesn't like her still feeling like she does but he's not angry -

"You were the Second Kira," Raito says.

The words come out of nowhere, meaning nothing. Like voices which only mean something in a dream.

"When you give up the weapon - which you did, to help me - you lose all memory of ever having had it. Ryuzaki was right about me, and he was right about you too. How do you think Mogi will feel about you if that comes out? I doubt he'll still be interested in pursuing any romantic attachment. You killed his colleague, after all."

Say something. She has to speak, she can't just sit here - Raito wouldn't make up such a stupid lie

Of course. Of course, all those things she can't remember about him - all those times Mochi talked about it not being appropriate - there was always something else -

"It's your choice," says Raito. "You can stay with him. He'll be found. I'll know that when it came to it, you chose him rather than me. He'll find out who you really are, he'll reject you, and then he'll die. Or you can tell me where you are, and who you're with. I'll come and find you. And you can help me build a new world, just like you always wanted."

And behind that, Misa fills in the blanks herself: maybe, if you pick me, I'll love you. Maybe I'll love you back as much you always wanted.

They both know there's no chance she'll turn that hope down. It's not like she can find it anywhere else. Not now.

It's almost peaceful, giving up like this.

"I'm... I'm in a love hotel," she says. "He's not with me. He's following the road, nearby."