Waddup! I am back and finally getting around to updating this thing! Updates should come a little more regularly now that I am home. Well, hopefully anyway! Hope y'all enjoy it!
Just a Kiss
Over the next few days Leonard found that following his own advice of pretending that kiss had never happened was a lot harder than he expected it to be. In fact it was nearly impossible. The awe he felt over the fact that it had actually happened was too strong to properly contain. The day that he had been waiting and hoping for, ever since that stunningly beautiful woman had moved in across the hall from him had finally come. Bringing with it an endless amount of dreaming – during both night and day – about what lay ahead for them. They had taken that first step. They had kissed and it had been nothing short of magical. Of course he had always expected it to be good. Kissing a woman as beautiful as Penny was bound to be breath taking and that was exactly what it was.
"It was just a kiss", he was forced to remind himself over and over again in an attempt to stop his thoughts from getting too carried away, and yet at the same time he knew it was so much more than that. There had been something else there; a spark, a firework, an explosion of feeling and mutual adoration as soon as their lips had met and in those few seconds he felt, for the first time since he had known her that maybe, just maybe, there was a chance that she felt the same things for him as he felt for her. That she saw him as more than just her geeky next-door neighbour.
Letting his thoughts get ahead of him though was something he just couldn't help. The absence of the ring that had had a place on her finger for so long was one that he couldn't help but notice, and one that only spurred on his fantasising about what this meant for them. Of course he hadn't expected to suddenly become her boyfriend, he knew that things would have to go slowly, that she still wasn't completely over Noah and he would have to wait until she was before even hoping for something real to happen between them. But he hoped that maybe that kiss would lead to something small, like a dinner date. A dinner date that didn't have to be a real date but could just be a chance for them to get to know each other better, like they had that night, without the constant interruption that was Sheldon lurking over them. Those friendly dates could, however, over time and only when she was ready, become real a date. A date that would welcome another kiss as he bade her goodnight at her door. A date that would lead to more dates to places like the movie theatre and dancing – he knew she loved to go dancing. He could take her to the park with a pre-packed picnic and maybe even visit a museum or two, if she wanted. There was more to this nerd than physics and comic books, he liked to think of himself as a romantic guy too (though admittedly he hadn't had much chance to show it off) who could sweep her off her feet. Over time their bond would grow and eventually he would officially become her boyfriend. They would fall in love, meet each other parents, go away for romantic weekends together where they would see more of the hotel room than of the place they were visiting. One day he would ask her to marry him and hopefully she would say yes. They would get married, buy a home together, have children -
But it was just a kiss. And he was thinking way too much of it.
This kind of overthinking hadn't served him well in the past and he was sure it wouldn't help now. Especially when the situation he was in was much more complicated than his fantasies liked to make out. But he couldn't help it, he was on a high and even Sheldon, Howard and Raj's constant doubt over whether the kiss had actually happened – something they had disputed ever since he had first told them – couldn't bring him down. Apparently they just couldn't envision Penny ever wanting to willingly kiss him and if he was honest, he couldn't really believe it either.
It was just a kiss, but it had happened.
The only other person who could put his friends straight and corroborate his story however was Penny, and much to Leonard's dismay, Penny seemed to be doing all she could to avoid him.
He had thought at first that she was just busy with work and that was why he only got to see her briefly outside her apartment on the lucky days when their schedules overlapped. She was just tired from working so much and that was why she hadn't been quite her usual friendly, bubbly self. She was in a rush, that's why she couldn't stop to talk to him and whomever he was with at the time. That was why whenever they would find themselves alone in the hallway or on the staircase or at the mailboxes, she would make some quick excuse as to why she had to go and would leave abruptly with him taken aback and disappointed in her wake. She probably had a lot of rehearsals in the evenings now that she had gotten that part in the play and that was why she never came over to eat dinner with them anymore or even just to hang out.
And he convinced himself of these perfectly reasonable excuses for days. Days that turned into weeks before he was forced to admit that she was avoiding him like he feared.
It became infuriating. Was it really that embarrassing to have anyone think for a second that she had kissed him, that she had to not only pretend like it hadn't happened, but had to make out like no friendship existed between them at all? Maybe she hadn't wanted that kiss to happen like he thought she had. Maybe it was regret that was making her act this way and if that was the case then, as hard as it may be, he was willing to scrap any ideas he had had about their relationship becoming more than it was. He would put his desires aside and be her friend – just her friend – if that's what she wanted. Because he wanted her in his life, and if being in her life meant being just her friend then that's what he would do.
Either way he felt like he was owed some sort of explanation, but getting one was difficult when she barely even spoke to him. Being stuck in this weird form of relationship limbo where he didn't know where he stood or what was going on just wasn't fair. He wanted to know whether that kiss had meant as much to her as it did to him, or if it was just a mistake that happened because – and only because – she was feeling upset and vulnerable and longed for the physical comfort that she hadn't had from another man in so long. Maybe he wasn't anything special to her – not in that way – he just happened to be there. Just at the right place at the right time, and now probably had to forget about the single most amazing thing that had happened to him in a long time.
"Maybe I should go talk to her."
"What?" Howard said as he, Sheldon and Raj looked away from the episode of Doctor Who that they were watching and over in Leonard's direction.
"Penny." Leonard said as he put his half empty takeout box on the coffee table beside the others. "Maybe I should go talk to her."
"Maybe you should stop talking so that I can hear what The Doctor is saying." Said Sheldon, with a glare aimed at Leonard.
"You've seen this episode a million times, Sheldon. You already know what he is saying."
"A million times, Leonard? At roughly forty-five minutes an episode it would take me over sixteen thousand days to watch one episode a million times. And that isn't accounting for sleeping, eating and toilet breaks. I have actually seen this episode only fourteen times. And I don't see why that should stop me from hearing the whole episode again without interruption."
Leonard simply shook his head and rolled his eyes, knowing better than to continue arguing with him. "What do you guys think?" He asked Howard and Raj, ignoring the look Sheldon gave him for continuing to talk. "Do you think I should talk to her?"
"Talk to her about what?"
"About… About this. About why she has just stopped talking to me – to us – all of a sudden."
"Once again, Leonard," Sheldon said, a little irritably, "you are wrong. I happened to speak to Penny this morning while I was getting our mail. She had just received a new pair of shoes and was extremely excited about it. I have no idea why because, like I pointed out to her, there was nothing special about them. They didn't even glow in the dark like my Star Wars pair... Then she laughed at me for having glow in the dark Star Wars shoes." He shook his head and gave an exasperated sigh, "Apparently she's going to take me shoe shopping. Can you believe it? Shopping? For shoes! Honestly, I don't know why you're making such a big deal of her not being around so much. I quite like the absence of a female presence within our group. Especially the kind that want to take me shoe shopping."
Leonard, Howard and Raj took a moment to look curiously at Sheldon before Leonard said, "Right, well, all of that aside, she hasn't been her normal self with us and I want to know why."
"Still pissed that she rejected your kiss huh? Really dude, you should just forget about it. Move on… You want me to take you out to a bar tonight? I'll show you some of my new moves that are impossible for the opposite sex to reject."
"Yeah, somehow I don't think that's quite true, Howard. And she didn't reject my advances. We really did kiss!"
"Of course you did." Howard replied sarcastically, "That's why she refuses to talk to you. Because every time a girl willingly kisses you they decide to cut you off completely the next day."
"Sounds exactly like what happens after you kiss girls." Raj quickly pointed out.
"At least I've kissed a girl this year unlike some people."
"Whatever." Raj said, dismissing Howard's comment. "I think Leonard should go talk to her. I think it'd be nice having Penny around again."
Leonard smiled appreciatively, glad that at at least someone was on his side. "Thank you, Raj."
"Plus we have that award ceremony at the University tomorrow that you still haven't found a date for so you might want to ask her to that while you're over there."
"She doesn't even want to talk to him what makes you think she's gonna want to go to that with him?"
In truth, Leonard had completely forgotten amidst his Penny worries about the ceremony Raj was talking about. One in which he was to be presented with an award for his recent contributions to laser physics. An evening that, as one of the award winners, he was expected to bring a date to. He had held off on finding someone to bring with him though, holding out on the hope that at some point his and Penny's relationship would mend itself and he could ask her. He wondered momentarily if he would even be able to pluck up the courage to ask her to accompany him – as friends of course. If him going over there and talking to her brought their currently rocky relationship back to a state of normality then he supposed he could ask her in the most casual way possible. He could simply mention that he was being presented an award and if she wanted to come along then she was welcome to. No pressure. Just a friend being there to support a friend. But these things always felt much easier to do in his head than in person.
Leonard's thought process was interrupted at that moment by Sheldon letting out a loud sigh, before picking up the television remote and pressing pause, "If you three are going to continue to talk about Leonard's trivial problems with Penny then I am going to have to insist that you take this conversation elsewhere before I am forced to give each of you a strike on your record. And I would be careful if I were you, Howard, you only have one left."
Just as Howard and Raj were about to protest, Leonard stood up, apparently ignoring what Sheldon had just said and with a look of determination on his face. Whether he actually did ask her to his award presentation or not, one thing was certain; he had to talk to her. "That's it. I'm going over there."
"In the words of my supremely religious and slightly racist, but otherwise brilliant mother; Hallelujah!"
Leonard barely heard Sheldon's words as he walked out of the apartment and across to Penny's front door. Moving quickly before he lost his nerve. He only stood at her door for a moment, taking a quick second to roll back his shoulders, stand up straight and pat down the front of his hoodie before he knocked. As soon as he done it a wave of panic hit his gut. What was he going to say? He was never very good at confrontation. It was more than likely that he would enter that apartment with every intention of demanding answers but crumble at the last second and assure her that nothing was wrong and he was just wondering if he could borrow some coffee.
But he had no more time to worry about it because all too suddenly Penny was opening her door with a smile that faltered just a little when she saw him.
"Oh, hey, Leonard… What's up?" Penny asked in what she hoped to be a casual tone. Leonard's appearance was unexpected and she felt suddenly nervous.
"Hi." He said quickly, trying his best to focus on what he had come here for and not how good she looked right now, with her hair slightly curled and wearing a gorgeous black dress that stopped just above her knee. "We, uh… we need to talk."
Penny glanced off behind him before looking back at him again. "Right now?" She asked, looking a little worried. "This really isn't a great time."
Her eyes pleaded with him, but he refused to back down. He deserved to know what was going on and it was this determination to know why that pushed him on. "Yes, right now. You've… you've been avoiding me recently and I want to know why. Is it because of the kiss? Because I know we agreed to pretend it never happened but I never knew that included completely shutting me out and, honestly, I don't think it's fair." The words came spilling out so fast that it felt as though he had just started talking when he was suddenly finished.
"Leonard," Penny said, her voice soft, "that's…" she shook her head and dropped her gaze to the floor, "I'm not shutting you out. It's-"
"Let me guess," he interrupted, looking away as she tilted her head up again to look at him, "It's complicated."
A huge rush of guilt hit her. He was right, the way she had been acting hadn't been fair on him and she did owe him some sort of explanation. Though the thought of telling him all of the many thoughts she had had over the past couple of weeks was one that scared her beyond belief. And she couldn't do it now anyway. It really wasn't a good time.
"Leonard…" She started with every intention of telling him she was sorry and that she would explain tomorrow, just not here and not now. But those words were cut off at the sound of footsteps leading up the stairs to their floor. Her eyes shot to the stairway that would soon show who was walking up them and Leonard, wondering what she was looking for, turned in the same direction.
A second later a tall, dark haired man wearing a pair of dark slacks and a fitted light blue shirt that hinted to the muscular body beneath it walked onto their floor. A smile lit up his face when he looked past Leonard and straight at Penny and Leonard felt his heart sink to the floor when he said, "Hey, Penny. You ready to go?"
A sick feeling in his stomach, Leonard looked back in Penny's direction. He couldn't tell if what he saw in her expression was guilt or embarrassment, all he knew was that he was so angry and so hurt that he no longer cared what her reasons for being so weird around him lately were. How could she kiss him, and then practically ignore him, and then go off on what was obviously a date with this man that had just shown up.
There was a silence in that hallway for more than a few seconds. A silence that was thick with awkward tension until Penny eventually said, "Leonard, I can explain…"
But he shook his head. He didn't want to hear it nor did he need to. It was more than obvious to him that he simply wasn't good enough for her. Penny didn't date small, nerdy, asthmatic guys like him. She dated tall, handsome, athletic guys like him. She hadn't spoken to him lately because she didn't want to give him any sort of hope that anything could ever happen between them. That had to be it, or at least it was the only feasible explanation he could think of.
"Enjoy your night, Penny…" He gave her a sad, half smile, "You look very nice."
And, ignoring the apologetic smile Penny gave him in return, he walked past the dark haired stranger and back into his apartment.
"That was quick." Howard pointed out as Leonard closed the door behind him. "Guess it didn't go too well."
"Bite me, Howard." He knew it was a little harsh but he didn't care as he stormed past the guys sitting in the living area and down the hallway to his room. Right now, all he wanted was to lie down and do his best to forget everything that just happened.
That was something that was easier said than done though, he quickly realised, as he lay there on his bed alone with nothing but his thoughts to accompany him. It was perfectly within Penny's right to date whomever she wanted. She and him weren't a couple and never had been so it was unreasonable that he felt so hurt by it. He had been silly to hold out on the hope that their relationship would be mended that night and he could ask her to be his date the next evening. He should have just gone out and found someone else, like she obviously had.
It was then that he realised he would have to find someone else, and his options were extremely limited. Something he noticed when he scrolled down his contact list in his phone and found very few woman's names there.
Eventually, after much deliberation and once he found the confidence in himself to do so, with the imagine of Penny and that man spurring him on, he sat up on the edge of his bed and chose the one woman there that he was pretty certain would accept his offer on such short notice.
"Hi Leslie, it's Leonard…"