Male Is As Male Does

Chapter 10

Major Will Lennox couldn't believe his luck. He'd somehow stumbled upon the perfect situation to ask Optimus Prime all about his 'duties' and his relationship with 'his' femmes. For a few moments his brain was too busy gasping out 'guh' to think of anything intelligent to ask.

Optimus didn't move from his position on his back in the breaking waves, watching the Major gather himself together. He idly commed Ratchet to inform him that he was 'spilling it', and received back several warnings not to break the humans brains, and that you couldn't re-boot them by picking them up, shaking them or pressing a magical button on their aft's.

"Do you really own all of the Autobot women?"

Prime returned his attention to Lennox. The Major was still leaning on his leg, wearing a quizzical expression. "Well... technically, yes. I do. They are referred to as femmes, not women. I did not originally 'own' them, when I became Prime I refused to follow the old traditions and absolved the femmes of any loyalty to me at all."

"Uh huh." Lennox blinked, then lifted one eyebrow. "So... how many do you have?"

Optimus shook his head slightly, appearing downcast, "A more appropriate question would be, how many have I lost, Major." His optics roved the horizon, not wishing to stare down the small man with the weight of his feelings. "Many of Cybertron's femmes were exterminated. Slaughtered. Including my first lover."

"Woah..." Lennox held up his hands, backing up, realising what the Autobot Leader was saying, "That's... I just, um," he grimaced, then his shoulders slumped. Defeated. "You have my complete and utter sympathy. I can't imagine anything worse. The Decepticons?"

"The Decepticons..." Prime murmured, his optics blazing with quiet unforgivable fury. "More specifically, Megatron."

There was silence between the two males – Lennox digesting what he'd just learned, and Prime trying not to open old painful memories. Optimus slowly sat up, resting his elbows on his knees, head hanging down, mouthplates set firmly, his optics watching his hands open and flex between his legs. Will moved off into the shallows next to him, hands on his own hips, frowning. The sea continued to ebb and flow at low level around their legs.

"What was her name?"

The Autobot Commander had been expecting that query. If Lennox wished to know what was going on, he would also need to know about... her. He was comfortable with the Major knowing, since he had proven himself as a brilliant and loyal solider, and more importantly, as a good friend. Putting himself on the line again and again to protect and aid the Autobots in any way he could. He lifted his head, his optics glittering.

"Her name was Elita One. It was at her request that I embrace the old traditions of Cybertron, and take upon myself the mantle of protecting and nurturing the femmes – particularly the Autobot femmes – when Megatron began exterminating the females. We had hoped such a move on my part would protect the femmes from Megatron, because to touch them would be an act of war against me, but none of us ever expected him to be so ruthless... and so swift. In hindsight, I may have made the situation worse. He was killing them to get at me." He looked up into the dawn sky wistfully. "It was Elita's last wish that I protect other females from the fate that eventually would claim her as well." His head sank slowly down. "She was murdered by a unit from one of Megatron's personal battalions before we could pledge ourselves together as sparkmates. If she had lived, we would have been bonded together for all eternity. That opportunity was stolen from us."

Will drew in a harsh breath. He didn't know what to say. What DID one say to a being who had lost his part of his soul and was doomed to carry the knowledge of that loss for thousands of years?

"I'm sorry."

"Thank you." Prime quietly shunted his terrible memories back into his deepest memory tracks. He never kept them open for long. "In terms of how many femmes I have now? Well..." his mouthplates quirked up into a wry smile, "that depends on whether you count Arcee as one femme or three."

That got a light chuckle out of the Major. "Yeah, I see what you mean. If even you have trouble figuring that out, I don't feel so bad that I don't have a handle on it yet either."

"Mmm. I must confess, I sometimes find myself at a loss for how to handle them as well." He rubbed a big hand on the back of his helmeted head and rolled his optics, "Of course, Ironhide has many suggestions."

Will laughed, glad the tension from Prime's earlier words had lifted, "Oh, I bet he does! I know very well that he thinks of himself as God's gift to women – er, femmes."

Optimus broke into heavy laughter at that statement, pointing a finger, "Would it make you happy to know that I placed him in charge of training the femmes in my army? He is very talented in that area."

When Will went wide-eyed and began to choke and cough, Optimus realised his mistake. He sighed and squinted down at the human. "I apologise Will, I did mean training in weapons and self-defence, not... other types of training involving personal relationships."

The Major wiped his mouth and sent Optimus an evil look, "Sure you did, and I suppose this other type of training is your 'area'?"

"Walked into that one, didn't I?" Prime muttered back at him, leaning back on his arms once again and relaxing, flexing his chest and arms. "Ironhide can be a crude mech at the best of times, but he has a genuine love of femmes, and they in turn seem to love him as well. He makes a great protector and teacher, most of our femmes were trained by him and as you well know, Arcee is our best sharpshooter. She was his protege." Optimus nodded slowly at his own words. "When the femmes needed advice or help, they were happy to turn to him for it. He welcomed them."

This comment had Will snickering again. Optimus rolled his optics, smiling.

"I will attempt to stop with the innuendo, Major."

"You started it," Lennox shot back.

Prime grunted, sifting sand through his hands and watching the water.

Will just grinned and crossed his arms expectantly. "Ratchet was very kind in explaining what happens between mech's and femmes, YOUR area, apparently. And before you go blaming Ratchet, you started this, you haven't exactly been very secretive about your liaisons with Arcee. Epps and I have been mashing our brains trying to work out what's been going on." The human soldier stared Optimus down with raised eyebrows and a slightly ticked off expression.

Optimus had the decency to appear contrite, lowering his gaze, musing. "I should have explained myself earlier, perhaps. The reason why I did not was merely to avoid causing you embarrassment and confusion since some races on the planets we have come across in our travels were very affronted by the open intimacy our species possesses."

"HA! You did that without telling us."

"Very well." Optimus sat up once more, folding his long legs crosswise in front of him and resting his hands palm side down on his knees. Lennox had wondered if the bots were able to execute such a pose – now he knew. They were surprisingly flexible and agile for such huge 'rigid metal' beings, in fact, in most respects they were more flexible than the humans. "Would you like for me to explain the role of a Prime in Cybertronian society?"

"YES!" Lennox practically shrieked.

"Thought so..." the large mech chuckled, his optics blinking. "Hmm." Prime scratched a finger down the side of his metal cheek, thinking. "A lot of the history concerning femmes was held by the Allspark, so I do not know every detail, but I can tell you a few things. It was rumored that the first Prime's - including the Fallen – created the femmes. There is some debate that this is not true, but it was so many millions of years ago that verifying it with hard evidence either way is impossible. It does make some sense that they did because it was the first sons of the originals that began the tradition to claim ownership of the femmes. These son's wrote the laws that proclaimed their ownership of Cybertronian females, saying it was the duty of a Prime to provide shelter, energon, medical support, protection and guidance to all females. In exchange, the femmes were to offer themselves as personal attendants to the Prime. In all respects."

Lennox didn't move from his lean on Prime's leg, looking up at the Alien Commander. "It unsettles me to think of someone claiming that they 'own' someone else, especially if the claimee doesn't wish to BE claimed, and why would you want to own someone else anyway? It's just hard work."

Optimus blinked his optic shutters at him, the interlocking metal plates of his face moving and sliding to produce his expressions. "Those are my feelings as well. My personal belief is that freedom is the right of all sentient beings." The mech went quiet for a moment, considering his next words. "I do adhere to that, Major. My femmes have always had the freedom to do as they pleased, I do not give them orders unless they have personally consented to it. You could say it is the other way around," he laughed, shaking his head at himself, "THEY own me. I offer them anything they may need or wish for – protection, support, security. Anything within reason."

"But that can't be right, I've seen you giving Arcee orders," Will queried him, confused.

"Yes. Those that asked to be soldiers in my army did so of their own free will, and have made it their clear wish to be treated as the mech's are – trained, issued orders, and – sadly – given their lives in battle."

"You offer them anything?" Will said incredulously, not believing it. If his wife knew about this, she would be demanding the same treatment! Or wanting to become one of Prime's females!

"Anything that I can reasonably provide." Prime smiled faintly at him. "Including my berth, Major. That is one point in which I differ from my predecessors. Many of them cajoled or outright demanded the femmes onto their berths, they had lurid reputations of being voracious and insatiable lovers. No femme has ever been on my berth out of anything other than her own free will to do so. I never ask or demand it. In any form."

"So, Arcee... you haven't been insisting she stays in your room?" asked the Major, cocking his head.

"No, never. All three of her want to." At this Optimus began to look uncomfortable. He looked down at the sand and trailed one of his hands through the water. "I am not ignorant of my own physical attractiveness as a mech, I have been told many times that I am, er," Prime rubbed the side of his head, bashful, "gorgeous. This - combined with the power of my position as Autobot Commander – makes me very desirable to them." He frowned comically at himself, lifting his wide shoulders in a metal shrug, "In fact, I have been chased by females of many different species during my travels. It can be disturbing."

"I've heard your noises," Will pointed a stiff finger at him with a haughty smirk, "you enjoy it. Don't act like you don't."

At this, Optimus tried to suppress a smug grin, and failed. His blue optics glowed down at Lennox. "I do enjoy it when I have the time. What male would not? To be desired by the opposite gender is something all individuals want. The femmes appreciate me, they like what I do for them, I haven't had any complaints about my conduct on the berth."

"Oh really? That confident about your own prowess, are we? And I don't suppose you being good on your back has anything to do with being BIG, does it? Over-sized where it counts? Compared to us, you must be enormous," Will playfully prodded him, trying to defend the pride of all human men.

"Size is not such an issue," Prime brushed off his attempt at getting too personal, "if you are asking about my abilities, there are others equally as adept. I am not the only Autobot mech who enjoys femmes."

"What?" Lennox said bluntly, squinting up at him from under his drying blonde fringe of hair.

"Ironhide refers to the blue Arcee as 'Chromia'. She now only recharges with me, she does everything else with Ironhide, if you know what I mean. Very discrete," Optimus winked, blinking one optic, "see if you can give him some grief about that, he has been keeping secrets from you, Major."

"Ironhide with... with... oh, man, is he in trouble!" Will growled, slapping one hand against Prime's metal. "That double-crossing, devious, son of a toaster! Him! With an Arcee bot! How did I miss that?! Mister 'Oh-Will, I-wish-I-had-a-femme' already has one!"

Optimus leaned forward and spluttered with laughter. "Ah, we need to keep some issues to ourselves, do we not?"

"Humph." Will crossed his arms sharply over his chest, pouting. "I thought we were, you know, close. He's going to find himself with flat wheels and sand in his tank tomorrow morning."

Prime lifted one optic arch, holding his hand out next to the man. "Mmm. Oh, Will, please step onto my hand."

"What? Why?"

The Autobot Commander pointed a metal finger from his other hand behind the Major, saying simply, "Shark."

"HOLY SHIT~!"

Lennox scrambled to safety on the Autobot's open palm, looking over his shoulder to see the fin of what looked like a humongous shark swimming in zig-zag's in the shallow water several body lengths away, its ominous length darkening the sand underneath it. Optimus wasn't concerned, staying on his back in the water with his hand in the air holding Will. He did look surprised when the shark made a sudden lunge and swam straight at his leg with a wide open mouth, making an attack. It hit hard and bounced off Prime's alien Cybertronian armor.

"Strange creature. Very aggressive," Optimus commented calmly, watching the shark back off and shake its head from side to side before twitching its tail and swimming rapidly away.

Will watched on with wide eyes, not amused. "It didn't like a taste of you! That's a White Pointer. It's bloody big. I think we should warn the rest of the staff about swimming here without an Autobot on guard duty."

"Yes. Just don't use Wheelie as a potential guard, he'll get swallowed right before you do." Optimus studied the man crouching in his palm. "Where did you get those shorts from? They are very unsettling to my optics."

"Ratchet." Will huffed, still watching where the shark went. "He was playing a joke."

"Oh, about your small penis size? Yes, I heard about that. Have you considered surgery?"

"OPTIMUS!"