Totoro and Me: High School Romance

Chapter 9: Mixed Feelings

©minnieharis

The latest chapter! Finally! I have been thinking to write more about our heroine's personal life apart from her crush. And starting this chapter I will take you to know more about Tamara, and of course her love life. I suck at love stuff, personally ha ha~ Enjoy this chapter! I will update again ASAP

"When you had to do something, you had to do it. And eventually, if you were lucky, you did it well." -Sarah Dessen [The Truth About Forever]

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I don't go back to the seat.

I'm going out, finding a spot outside the gymnasium where I can stand and just look around and feel the chilling breeze runs over me.

I need fresh air.

It was quite shocking how Teppei called out Riko-san when I went to see him. He couldn't recall me going to his match. I was dead worried, and perhaps I still am, but now I'm running away from him. It was hurt to know he called a name but mine. Yet inside me knows he never has a feeling for me. Teppei who is always caring and kind to everyone, what can I expect?

"Tama," Kanna finds me. "What are you doing here? The last quarter is starting."

I smile faintly at her, and look away.

"You can go back without me," I say softly.

"What are you saying? Aren't you going to see him?"

The answer never comes.

Even if Kanna brings up about my words on supporting him no matter what, I won't be back to see the game with mixed feelings. She may comments my mood swing. I am like a girl gets jealous of her boyfriend for doing such a simple thing like calling other girl's name. And Teppei is not even my boyfriend.

Kanna does not say anything, though. She joins me leaning on the fence in front of us. For a moment we're just standing there in silence.

"You know," Kanna speaks up. "I will never question your promise about supporting him. That is what you want, I believe you. But when you think like giving up on him is the best way, I will also be the one to respect your decision. I can't see you frowning and look miserable all the time. When I think it's enough, I will ask you to move on. Deal?"

Kanna stares at me with her sharp eyes. For a second I'm fascinated by how she changes from her usual self to a threatening girl. But in a good way. I give her a small nod. She approves, then turns.

Sometimes I wonder why an attractive girl like her wants to stay with me and deals with my weirdness. She knows I go crazy for Teppei. I'm always worried. I always care. I always think about him. Even at school, sometimes I talk about him. Kanna listens. And to think how I really care and like him so much, it slowly feels suffocating.

I lean my head on Kanna's shoulder. This is what a friend is for. I am glad she is here with me now. I feel my phone vibrates inside my blazer's pocket. Perhaps it's from Kise. I would have let him join us but I need to cool both my head and my heart. Then I will go back and see him with a smile.

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I open Kise's e-mail, or mails, to be exact. He has sent me a few mails asking me where I am and telling me how's the game going. Teppei goes back to the court, re-energized after resting in the infirmary for some time. Kanna invites me to walk around the gymnasium when I don't feel like going back to the seat. Sightseeing may brings my sanity back, so I agree.

Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium is a huge sporting complex, complete with world-class facilities. Kanna turns on her video camera and records the venues and what's around. She directs me to pose at some scenes. It is like she is filming me. I don't mind, though I really do is talking and wow-ing every here and there. I never come to any sports stadium, since basically I'm not an athlete or sportsman. I did come there when Kou played, but not often. I use to seeing music hall, opera house, and studio. For Kise or Teppei, to be here is like how I am charmed by Walt Disney Concert Hall. It feels so grand.

Kanna suggests us to go back. I think it's okay to go back now. I may put a smile when I see Teppei, or I can just pretend like nothing happens. We come to the court and the cheering is louder. Teppei has already been there and the game is turning to Seirin's favor. The last minutes the black and red team can surpass the defense of Yosen. Even the tallest guy can't stop them anymore.

Kagami gives his powerful dunk, which makes Seirin wins by one point. The purple haired guy almost shoots back, but Kuroko stops him right before the bell rings. The match ends by points 72-73 for Seirin. Both me and Kanna toast excitedly for their win. Teppei looks okay. I guess he won't need me for the time being. This time I will cheer up on Kaijou.

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I haven't seen Kise since I came to the gym. He is leaving the locker room. I want to see him before the game. The blonde texted me many times and I only replied him once. His teammates are also looking for him. Where is he?

I see the woman who was with Seirin boys, together with the boy from Yosen, the pretty boy I met on the train. It looks like the boy is beaten up. Something must have happened. Then I see him walking inside, somehow looks wavering. As I'm about to approach him, Kise groans. He holds his ankles. Does he hurt his ankle? But the game begins in couple of minutes!

"Kise?"

He jumps. Kise turns and see me in shock. "Kannou-cchi?"

"Are you alright?" I ask him.

"Yes, yes! I'm alright," he puts a smile. He stands up but cringes. Kise almost falls on his feet and I catch him. I try.

"Kise?!" I panic. I know this blond is hurting. But where? There's got to be something that makes him almost fell. Kise groans when he tries to stand.

"Let me see your foot."

"What?" Kise is surprised. "Kannou-cchi, I'm alright!"

"No, you're not! Now, sit and let me see your foot," I demand. Kise is flustered. He sighs and sits on the bench around there. I lift his sweat pants and see his ankle is swelling red. It looks horribly painful. Kise is injured.

"We have to go to the infirmary," I say immediately.

"No, I'm fine," Kise's voice cracks. "I must get back."

"But, Kise-"

"Kannou-cchi." The tall blond holds my arms. "Please don't tell anyone about this. And one more thing, can you band this? So that I won't feel the pain during the game."

Kise grips my arms tight. "Please."

I look at his eyes concerned. Of course I will help him. But somehow I must do something for him so Kaijou can win this game.

I take some bandages from the infirmary and wraps Kise's swelling ankle. I once helped Kou when he was injured during his high school match and thank goodness I still remember how to band it. Kise looks better with the bandage. He can stands straight without feeling the sharp pain, but he needs to be careful.

"Thanks, Kannou-cchi! I feel much better," he beams.

I smile wryly. "Take care, okay? I mean it."

"Absolutely." Kise winks at me before he takes off.

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I tell Kasamatsu-san about Kise's injury. I ask him to keep silent till the match ends. He is the captain of the team and he should know. But I believe Kasamatsu-san will help both Kise and me to handle this situation. From how I see him, he's someone I can believe in. He does not say much when I tell him. He's there listening to me before speaks, "Okay, I get it. Thank you."

The quarter final match of Kaijou versus Fukuda Sougou comes off incredibly well for Kaijou in the end. One of the guys from the other team is a stronger and terrible guy. He has his hair braids and cornrows. Talented is not the exact word to describe the tall man. He can follow Kise's moves. I can hear from some people who sits next to me that he was the former member of Generation of Miracles before Kise joined the basketball team. Though they don't know how he was removed from the team, he is known for his ability to steal moves from other players. Similar to Kise's copying ability but when this guy steals moves, the player cannot use their moves anymore. That sounds vicious. And the hairstyle? He's a bad guy in my eyes.

I'm glad Kaijou won the game. I'm sitting in the front row, cannot take my eyes away from the boys. I concern over Kise's condition. Several times he winces at his painful ankle. The braids haired guy pushes and confronts him many times. Yet the rookie blond does not give in. He shows off his guts to be in semifinals. He does.

Semifinals have been pronounced, Kaijou will face Seirin in the next match.

Terror has covered up my face. It is coming. My school team against Teppei's team. Obviously I will cheer up on both team but would that be decent? I never thought what Kise said to me would be reality this soon.

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Kanna has gone to do her movie project, so I watch the match alone. I come down to see Kise. After match meeting over, Kise goes out.

"Kise! What a great ga-"

"Kannou-cchi, did you tell Kasamatsu-senpai about my injury?" Kise's eyes widen. He's angry.

"Umm, yes, I told him-"

"Why didn't you listen to me? You should have not told anyone!" he snaps. Kise turns his back furiously. Clearly he's mad at my decision to tell Kasamatsu-san about his ankle.

"Yes, I did that. Kasamatsu-san deserves to know, because he's your captain. As a captain he must know his teammates, and even without me telling him, he would figure it out eventually. If something happened to you, he could have help. That's why I told him, because I care!"

I snap back.

Kise gapes at me, speechless. The first time I am upset and it is in front of him.

"If you're mad at me, go angry to me. But just because I didn't do what you wanted me to do, does not mean I want to make you embarrassed, or anything. I simply wanted you to be okay," I say with calmer tone.

"I'm sorry I lied."

I turn and leave. I do not look back. The thought of Kise staring at me disappointedly leaves me shivering a bit.

I walk home alone. I leave my phone vibrates couple times in my bag. Whatever. I need to be alone. I'd like to enjoy my own solitude at night, under the starry sky. I put my muffler tight. I want to get home, as soon as I can.

When I'm walking to bus station, there's someone tall, very tall standing there. His dark fluffy hair is blown by the wind.

Kou is standing there.

He turns and meets my eyes. His sparkling eyes widen, he smiles. The last time I saw him was two months before my departure to Japan. It has been months I haven't seen him, though we did video call couple times. He looks fine. He looks gorgeous as always. My older brother is never fail to surprise me.

"Hey, Sis," Kou says in his deep and cheerful voice. "I told you I would come."

Kou is as tall as Teppei, maybe more. I look up on him, relieved.

I hug him right there. "I miss you."

"Whoa, that's the first," he chuckles. He hugs me back. "I miss you too, My Dear Tama."

For a while I forget about everything. I'm putting my weight and all my relief on his chest, welcoming Kou's warmth and feel a little better.

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I tell him everything. From the very beginning I moved in to Japan until what's just happened between me and Kise. We cancel our plan to see Teppei. I'm the one who suggest it. He needs to prepare his energy for semifinal match. I take Kou walks before we get home. It's like I'm reading him bed time stories, long and expressive. The tall, well-build young man next to me responds sometimes. Talking to my brother is fun and a bit annoying at the same time. He listens, but when there's a distraction, he will lose it for a moment. Still the Kou I know.

"It seems that you just had a rough day," he chuckles.

I sigh. "Tell me about it."

"So you just left them? Both Teppei and Kise?"

I nod gloomily. Call it running away from dejection.

"Don't worry." Kou reaches my head, patting me gently. "Things will turn out okay. You'll make up with Kise boy. And Teppei, well, he's always like that, you know? Dorky and slow."

I shrug. "Because he's that kind of person, it's hard for me to like him. Right?"

"Yeah, right," My brother laughs. "You have to be clear and direct."

I gaze at him. Clear and direct sound heavier than I think. I'm going to do it.

The next day I go to school early without seeing Teppei. We texted last night. He said sorry he couldn't see me after his game and forgot my presence during the game, which kind of hurting me a bit-if-not-much, and informed me he saw me at the front seat when Kaijou played. I replied him it's okay and told him that Kou is in town. Teppei sounded thrilled. He would like to see him today after school. He has two days free before the semifinal.

I hop down from the bus and roam my way to the school gate, when I see the blond is standing there. He glances at me agitatedly. Apart from what I did, right or wrong, I have the need to apologize to Kise.

By the time I'm re-carrying my backpack, the tall guy steps in front of me.

"I'm sorry, Kannou-cchi!" Kise bows down. "Yesterday I was so rude for snapping at your good intention. I was angry, but I should have not gone mad."

He looks so lament and almost cry. If I have not controlled myself, maybe I would have giggling at how cute his expression is. I chuckle softly.

"I'm sorry too. I should have not done that."

"No! You did a good thing! Kannou-cchi cared for me it makes me happy!" Kise quickly exclaims.

"Of course I care," I smile. "Kise is my friend."

Kise looks at me beaming. He is relieved, and so am I. Kou was right, we made up rather quickly. By arguing and apologize, I feel closer to Kise than yesterday. He soon turns bright and happy again all over the place. Kasamatsu-san snaps at him, but not kicking his ass since Kise's injured leg is still in treatment. He must be ready for semifinal. And whenever he tells me about the next match, Kise will stares at me, as if made sure I'm still with him, to support the team too, aside from me stick up for Seirin.

Truthfully, I don't know which team I am going to stand up for in the next game.

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