Chapter 10

It is a difficult thing to describe exactly what happened just then. Imagine a strangely supposedly beautiful death-lady thing shooting multicoloured bursts at a red-haired and bushy-headed duo. As the death-lady shoots one burst, the pair runs wildly towards a column across from where they were before. Moreover, the death-lady is somewhat non-threatening, and it occurs to you that it would make sense for the pair to take out their wands and fight back.

But then again, you tell yourself, this is all due to the Firewhiskey a classmate gave you to try this morning.

As for Ron and Hermione, it hadn't occurred to them just yet to take out their wands, because to them, a murderous lump of perfect would probably retaliate in a far worse manner than multicoloured jets of some all-powerful spell she probably made up by herself, because she's 'smart like that'. As a matter of fact, it didn't even occur to them that Sue, 'goffik' as she may be, wouldn't kill them due to some 'deep personal morals and ethics'.

"Stop hiding!!!1!!11!!" Mary shrieked in a non-shrieky way, because her voice was still perfectly melodious. "I'm not going to kill you!!!11!!!! Killing is BAD!!!1!!" Regardless of this, Ron and Hermione kept running away.

"OMG, UGH!!!1!1one!!1!" Mary shrieked in the way only she could, and using her apparently mermaid powers, because she's half-elf, mermaid, siren (although they are the same thing), angel, vampire, fairy, demon, centaur, goddess and alien princess, and she closed her glistening orbs normal people call eyes, and grabbed hold of Ron and Hermione with her mind. She floated Ron over carefully, and Hermione haphazardly, accidentally-on-purpose knocking her head against a column.

"I just want you to know, that I just wanted to talk, because I'm sympathetic and nice and forgiving!!!11!!! But I really can't let you guys know what I just told you, because of reasons unknown!!11!1!1!1!!!!!"

"That's so stupid," Hermione spat. "If everyone loves you, why would we have to keep it a secret?"

"That's why it's reasons unknown!!11!! Duh." In fact, the reasons unknown were just really a plot hole.

"Look, Mary, can you just let us down?" Ron pleaded. "We're not going to tell ANYONE."

"Promise?" Mary sniffed, even though she really could have just read his mind, but that would have meant that there would be none of:

"Oh, Ronald, you know I always loved you and not Harry."

"That's... nice, Mary."

"Ron, we were always supposed to be together, I know that because I can see into the future."

"That's great, Mary."

"OOOoooOOOohhhh, Rooooonnnnallllld!!!!!11!!1!! I love you soooooo!!!!!"

"Yeah, thanks, Mary."

"I'll set you free, but only if you promise to lay with me among the Forbidden Forest and confess your mutual and undying love for me!" Mary concluded with a sickeningly sweet pout of her perfectly shaped lips [although this is still rated K.]

Ron's colour drained at this. He looked frantically over to Hermione, who was currently vomiting. Now was the time for quick thinking, but how could anyone think quickly when there is a cooing abomination trying to get you to do things that older audiences can only guess?

"When-when would this be exactly?"

"Now, duh."

"But, Mary, we have class now."

"I never get in trouble. Unless I'm being angsty. Then I always get in trouble."

"Yeah, but I do get in trouble a lot, so, uh, I have to go to class."

This seemed to register in Mary's head, and she released Ron carefully and Hermione (with no care whatsoever) back onto the grass. Once Ron's feet and Hermione's face hit the ground, Mary glided in an admittedly graceful way towards Ron. Her eyelashes fluttered and her lips puckered and she walked closer and closer towards him, her lips reaching his until-

"Oh look, time for class, I don't want detention again, come Hermione, goodbye Mary!" Ron said hurriedly, picked up his friend and dashed off. It was at this time that Mary read his mind, and realized that he didn't want her anymore.

Well, she thought, I'll just have to make him want me! She floated towards the entrance or Hogwarts and ignored the admiring stares of her many fans and called out, "Harry?"