Chapter 10

Dean stepped into the doorway unnoticed and leaned against the frame, just watching her for a few moments. She was bent over the table, her whole posture showing defeat, and seeing her like this shot a sharp pain through his heart.

He loved her, with everything in him. But he still couldn't shirk the responsibility. He just couldn't. And she knew it. Accepted it. What made him love her even more.

"Jo?"

She startled slightly upon hearing her name before turning around slowly, her eyes red and puffy, and a lump formed in his throat at seeing her obvious distress. She shot him a shaky smile as she stood up, clearly trying to stay strong, but her hands were trembling as she lifted them to cup his face, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears as she whispered. "I know you have to do this, Dean Winchester. But I hate you for leaving me."

"I'm so sorry, Jo. But you know as well as I do that if we have the chance to close the gates of Heaven and Hell we need to take it."

A lonely tear trailed down her cheek, making his heart squeeze in his chest, but before he could say anything she stood up on her tiptoes and pressed her mouth against his for a chaste kiss, her lips ghosting over his as she breathed, "Make love to me, Dean."

The word love sent another spark of pain through his already bruised heart, and he gulped hard as he leaned down to lift her into his arms and carry her to her room. Since he'd touched the spear their lovemaking had always been frantic, tinged with desperation. But this time it was different; slow kisses, barely there touches as they explored each other's bodies, and then the final connection, his eyes never leaving hers as he slid slowly inside of her until he was settled deeply in her. One of her hands came to rest on his chest, directly above his heart, while her other hand rested against his cheek as he made love to her, and his heart was breaking as he stared down at her while thrusting in and out of her, knowing that their time was running out and he had to leave everyone he loved behind.

-/-

Jo didn't try to talk him out of it, not once. But she heard the heated discussions Dean had with his brother, as Sam tried desperately to change his mind or find another way to close the gates. But Dean stayed stubborn, and as hard as it was she welcomed him every night in her arms, determined to have as many memories of their time together as possible before she lost him forever.

In the night Cas went back in time to retrieve Jesus's blood Jo couldn't sleep; Dean had left her bed a while ago, and she'd heard the door click shut moments later when he'd stepped out of the house. Throwing the sheets away, she reached for her sweat pants and slipped them on before walking down the stairs to find some solace in hard liquor.

When she stepped into the study she found Sam sitting on the couch in the darkness, a bottle of scotch beside him and a full glass in his hand. He reached for another glass and filled it for her without saying anything and held it towards her. She closed her fingers around the glass and took a deep gulp, the alcohol burning down her throat. Sam's arm went up then and Jo sat down on the couch with him and curled up against him, leaning her head on his shoulder while she was fighting the tears that were always so close to the surface.

Sam's arms tightened around her and she felt him gulp hard; clearly he was also fighting not to lose it, and they stayed like that for a long time, seeking solace in their shared pain.

They were about to lose the person that was closest to their hearts, and there was nothing they could do to save him.

-/-

"You can still change your mind, Dean," Cas said softly. "We can find another way to defeat hell."

"No, Cas," Dean replied, straightening his shoulders. "You know this is the only way to end it all." He looked at the angel, surprising himself as much as Cas when he pulled him into a hug. "Take care of yourself up there, Cas."

"We will see each other again soon, Dean," Cas replied as he stepped back.

"I wouldn't be so certain about that."

"Yes, Dean," Cas said with conviction. "You will find your place in heaven."

There was nothing more to say; he'd said goodbye to everyone the night before, but he was still surprised and a little hurt that not one of them had shown up today besides his wish for them to stay away. But it was better that way, and he reached for the spear and turned the tip towards himself. His eyes flickered in the direction of the house, his heart breaking all over again as he thought of the people he'd left behind. A lonely tear spilled down his cheek, and he took in a deep breath before driving the spear into his heart.

-/-

Dean had asked her to stay away, and though Jo had been determined to grant his wish at first, she now couldn't keep herself from running out of the house and to the clearing Cas and Dean had chosen for the sacrifice. She stumbled out of the trees the moment Dean pushed the spear into his heart, and she cried out as she rushed to his side, dropping to her knees and pulling his head into her lap.

His eyes found hers and he lifted a shaking hand to close his fingers around her hand, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he whispered, "I'm so sorry, Jo. Sorry for not telling you sooner … I love you."

"I love you too, Dean." Tears welled up in her eyes as she stared down at the man she loved, dying in her arms, and a sob tore through her throat as she leaned down to press her forehead against his. "I always have. I always will."

"No!" he cried and pushed her away, his face contorting in pain, and his breath came out in harsh pants as he struggled against the pain, his fingers tightening around hers as he said urgently, "You have to live your life. I beg you. You have to forget me, Jo. Promise me!"

She couldn't see him clearly anymore, tears were streaming down her face as he pleaded with her, but she couldn't give him that promise. A hand suddenly closed around her shoulder, squeezing it softly in silent support before suddenly gripping her harder as the angel drew in a sharp breath.

"That can't be," Cas murmured behind her. "Why didn't I think of this possibility before?"

"What is it, Cas?" Jo asked, turning her head to look up at the angel, something in his tone shooting a spark of hope through her body.

The angel's eyes flickered to her stomach and then to Dean before settling on her face, wonder tinging his voice as he said, "There might be a way to save Dean after all."

"What?" Dean lifted his head from Jo's lap to look up at the angel.

"It could be done. But it's dangerous."

"What are you talking about?"

"You're carrying Dean's child, Jo," Cas explained, and a jolt snapped through her, her stomach suddenly growing heavy. She didn't question Cas's statement, deep down she knew he was right, and Dean apparently thought so too, because she felt him shift their entwined hands until the back of his hand pressed against her stomach. "Actually you're carrying two new human beings inside of you. They were apparently conceived while Dean was under the influence of the spear which gives them and you the power to heal. In connection with the love you share it should be enough."

"You mean I can ..." She gulped hard, her gaze returning to Dean as she breathed, "I can heal Dean?"

"Yes," Cas replied. "But there are risks. You can lose the babies. You can lose your own life."

"Jo, no," Dean gripped her hand harder, sweat trailing down his forehead, his eyes dulled with pain as he rasped, "Don't risk their lives or yours. I … please don't. Not for me."

"You stubborn ass," she screamed, startling them all with the vehemence of her voice, and she forced herself to gentle her tone when she added, "How should I live on with a daily reminder of what could have been? How can you be so selfish?"

"Selfish?"

"It's my body. My decision," she told him firmly. "I love you, Dean Winchester. And if there is a way to heal you, I will take it."

"There is no way to stop you, is there?" he asked, a smile playing over his lips despite the pain he must endure.

"No," Jo replied, new hope swelling in her chest with the possibility that she might not lose him. "Because I'm as stubborn as you are." She gripped his hand harder as she turned around to face the angel, her voice only shaking slightly as she said, "I'm ready. Let's do this."