Winter Blues

Disclaimer: I don't own Once Upon a Time.

This chapter is partially inspired from some guest's comments. Thank you.

After Prince Thomas and Ella's wedding, the weather grew even colder. Soon snowflakes fell and covered the kingdom. Usually winter was Snow White's favorite season, and she loved her namesake. But this year the snow represented the fact that Charming had been gone for two whole months. Snow felt as if she had waited forever already. Would his memory ever return? Did he even want to return now? True love is worth fighting for she tried to remind herself over and over again.

It didn't help that now her people seemed to be less than happy about her rule. Their excitement over her coronation had died down, and some people complained that she didn't provide enough for the people. There should be more land, some said. There should be more food, others claimed. We need more weapons, still others said. A foreigner doesn't know enough about our seafaring kingdom, some of the men from King George's former kingdom suggested. Others claimed she didn't listen at all. Her court decisions were met with protests and many people looked at her with suspicion when she rode by.

Snow wished she could scream at everyone that she was doing the best she could, but it wasn't easy ruling the kingdom without Charming's assistance. Especially considering she missed him with every breath she took. But considering people still talked about that "stupid peasant who pretended to be a prince," she didn't think that would help them trust her any. Still, if she heard one more person call Charming a "stupid peasant," Snow was going to remind them what a good archer she was.

One day, Red, and Granny invited Ella over so all the girls could go sledding. "You're so stressed and unhappy, Snow," Red commented after they finished breakfast. "And I know you had mentioned you'd like to be friends with Ella."

"Well, yes, I did," Snow admitted. "But I'm still not sure I want to go out today." She looked at the winter blanket that covered the ground with a scowl. Couldn't she turn back time and cause to become fall again? That way, Charming would have only left for a couple of weeks.

"You told me used to have fun sledding as a child," Red pressed.

"My life was a lot simpler then, Red," Snow snapped. Did her friend really think that a child's game would help her?

"Well, we've already invited Ella, so you're going," Granny announced, with no room for argument. "I even knitted you a brand – new pair of mittens." She pulled a bag out of nowhere and placed it on the dining room table. Then she presented Snow with a pair of white mittens that fit her perfectly. "I also made a pair for Red and for Ella," she added, pulling out another pair of white mittens and then a pair of red ones.

"But we won't be back for lunch," Snow protested, trying to think of another reason not go outside. She refused to have fun without Charming. The last time she'd tried that, it had been a disaster. Thomas and Ella's wedding flashed through her mind.

"We've already talked this over with the dwarves," Red commented. "They agree that you should try to do something different. Besides, Ella will be here anytime now. Do you want to turn her away?"

"Who's queen here?" Snow asked at last, putting her hands on her hips. Her court was making decisions for her!

"You are," Red said gently. "And as your court it is our job to take care of you. So wait for Ella; I'm sure she'll be here very soon. And then we are taking you sledding."

Snow sighed and agreed, although she didn't have a good feeling about this. But then, she didn't have a good feeling about much of anything lately.

OOOOOOOOOOOOO

Snow, Red, and Ella dressed in silk dresses, woolen gardeners, and fur coats, just as Snow had when she went sledding years earlier. They also wore Granny's mittens. The sleigh travelled to the mountains of Snow's childhood kingdom, near where Red grew up.

"This is so exciting," Ella gushed as the mountains came into view. "I'd never thought I'd travel this far. These mountains are gorgeous. She looked up at their snow – covered peaks. Which one from will we be sledding?" Her breath was visible as she spoke, but Ella didn't seem to mind the cold.

Snow smiled at the girl's enthusiasm. Doing enjoyable thing without Charming felt wrong and she resented the snow, but Ella's eagerness was infectious. "Those mountains in the corner," Snow watched her breath appear as she spoke, and then pointed to the smallest peaks.

Ella nodded. "Ah."

The sleigh driver drove slowly to the mountains, as the horses struggled to walk through a foot and a half of snow. Still, eventually the sleigh stopped in front of the mountains (which were really more like hills), and they all picked up a wooden sled. These sleds seemed especially designed to fit them. Snow briefly wondered just how many people had been part of this scheme to get her out today.

They all hiked up the mountain, dragging their sleds behind them. It wasn't easy, considering how deep the snow was here. Sometimes it went all the way up past their waists. Furthermore, Snow found herself struggling to breath the higher she climbed. She was even more grateful that her father had carried her up this mountain as a child. She remembered how safe her father's arms felt, no matter how hard the wind blew.

Eventually they all arrived at the top, still breathing heavily. Yet Ella's eyes grew wider and wider as she looked all around her. "Look how far – deep breath – you can – deep breath see up here!" Snow smiled as well as she looked at the tiny trees and occasional miniature horse go by.

Red nodded. "I think I can "– deep breath – "see my old village!" She pointed in the other direction, and sure enough, Snow could see the place where she'd first met her best friend.

The three friends admired the view for a few more moments before placing their sleds at the top of the hill. "On three," Snow suggested, staring right into each girl's eyes with a grin.

They both nodded eagerly. Ella's eyes practically danced with excitement.

"One… two… three," Snow said, and then they all climbed into their sleds. As soon as they did so, the sleds zoomed down faster than any horse could ever go. Snow's heart beat wildly as they continued before they finally reached the bottom.

"That was wonderful!" Ella exclaimed. "Thanks, Snow!" With that the blonde leaned over and gave Snow a hug.

"Your welcome, Ella," Snow said cheerfully, realizing that it had been kind of fun. For a couple of hours, her heart didn't feel as if it were broken in many pieces. She still longed for Charming to return, but perhaps enjoying herself for now was acceptable. And it seemed winter had it's benefits, after all. "Personally, I'd like to return to the palace for some hot chocolate right about now. Have either of you ever tried it with cinnamon?"

OOOOOOOOOO

Sledding had been all right, but as soon as they returned to the palace, Snow felt a dark cloud surround her again. She tried her best, but there seemed to be no pleasing her people and no point to life. Even her hot chocolate with cinnamon tasted bland. She felt as if she were a puppet again.

But one morning as everyone sat down to wash their hands and eat their porridge, Doc said something that snapped Snow's puppet strings. "I'm becoming worried about Prince Ja – I mean David, Snow," he announced. "He's been gone a lot longer than I thought he would be."

Snow nodded. "Yes, I hoped he would return sooner, too. It's been over two months, Doc." Her voice sounded heartbroken, but it only revealed a tiny part of the pain in her heart. Still, a part of her was glad that they were finally talking about Charming and why he left. They had avoided talking about him all together until now.

"We just have to hope he'll return someday, I guess," Red commented. Then she scooped up a handful of porridge. Snow knew her friend wanted to support her and her marriage. But even though they hadn't discussed it, Red was still a bit irritated at Charming for some reason.

"I think he'll return soon," Happy grinned. Snow smiled sadly. Happy was almost as optimistic as Charming was. She wanted to believe that he would come back, but the longer he stayed away the more difficult it became to do so. Her filled with tears but Snow quickly wiped them away and shoved some porridge into her mouth. She hated people seeing her cry.

"Personally, I don't have much faith in a lying – not prince who has stayed away from his responsibilities for too long," Grumpy commented after talking a drink of ale.

"Charming was a prince in every way that counted, as soon as he met me," Snow snapped, anger exploding out of her body as she continued. "He was a far superior prince than that John character that visited us a few months ago." Everyone nodded at that.

"That's definitely true," Granny admitted.

"And as for the 'lying' as I explained to you before, it was never Charming's idea to be a prince, in the first place," Snow added, beginning to yell.

"Maybe, but why couldn't he tell us he was a shepherd to begin with?" Red asked, softly. "That's what bothers me about your husband." She scooped up another handful of porridge.

Snow sighed. "He worried that you would think less of him because he wasn't really a prince. And your reaction since we've told you hasn't helped, either." She stood up as she continued yelling. "May I remind you all that I was lying as well? And as far as "responsibilities, Grumpy, he'd didn't want to leave, remember? Doc and I told him he had to. So if you want to blame anyone, blame me! Now if any one of you that has something negative to say about my Charming, I will show you my archery skills. I can do it the winter, too, you know."

There was an awkward silence after that, as everyone just stared at Snow and their breakfasts for several moments. All they could hear was the sounds of the maids moving around the kitchen. Eventually Snow sat down and picked up a handful of porridge.

"I remember watching – achoo! – Pri – David faint right in front of us at this table," Sneezy commented, finally breaking the silence. "It was scary. That's when I knew he had to take Doc's advice." Then he sneezed again. Snow smiled at him, glad that she had some support.

"Yes, well that's what I'm worries me now, I'm afraid," Doc said seriously. "His fainting spells and blackouts. I had hoped that returning to the farm would help him to recover quickly. But since that hasn't happened, I'm concerned that he may be getting worse. What if he's had more blackouts while he's at his farm by himself?"

All the color drained from everyone's faces as they considered that possibility.

Snow shivered in a way that had nothing to do with the cold weather. She pictured her Charming passing out in the middle of his hay field. Would he hit his head on a rock? Or perhaps he could pass out in the snow as he went to the barn to feed his sheep. How long would he lay in the cold snow? Charming would never stop working even if he started having blackouts again; he was far too stubborn for that. "Oh no," she finally uttered. Her blood seemed to become colder and colder as she thought of the possibilities.

"Exactly," Doc confirmed. "I thought I had reached a good decision, suggesting he return to his farm to recover. But it seems as if I still can't do anything to help him." He looked down at the floor.

"Doc, what did Charming tell you about putting yourself down? No one here knows much about amnesia," Snow lectured him gently. She was terrified for what might be happening to Charming. Still, she knew if Charming were here, he wouldn't like Doc blaming himself any more than he had the first time.

Doc mumbled something that Snow couldn't really hear because his bread was in the way. It sounded like, "But I should."

"Should we bring him back to the palace where we can keep an eye on him again?" Snow asked, getting back to the most important subject. She loved the idea of Charming living in the palace again.

"I don't know. What if the pressure of living here makes him worse again?" Sleepy asked with a yawn.

"Yes, that could be a problem again, too, Snow," Doc reminded her picking his head up so he could speak more clearly. "Perhaps if someone just goes to this farm to see if he is in fact doing better."

"All right. I'll set out today," Snow White announced, standing up as she finished her breakfast. Her voice left no room for argument. She knew she was supposed to hold court this afternoon, but that could wait. Nothing was more important than seeing Charming again and making certain he was all right.

Everyone else nodded. "I'll tell the people you are busy today, Snow," Red told her immediately.

Snow smiled at her best friend's support.

"I hope it goes well. Tell us what happened when we return from the mines," Happy commented.

"Of course. And I'm sorry I threatened to shoot you with arrows earlier. I shouldn't say such a thing to you. My friends, or my family, rather," Snow sighed, remembering what she had screamed at them earlier.

Red shrugged. "Don't worry. We all understand how protective you are of your husband. And you were right. We shouldn't have judged him so harshly for lying, when you did the same thing."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

OOOOOOOOO

David bit into his breakfast of cold, dry bread. It was last two pieces, so he would need to bake another loaf today. He devoured his bread quickly. In that case, David had even more chores to do than usual. He desperately missed Mother. Not just because of her love and gentle wisdom, but because running a farm without her was difficult. David was forced to do all the women's work and the men's work now.

Still, the farm seemed to be managing, as he was used to the routine now. Pulling on his wool coat, David listened to the wind howl and moan. The noises the wind created always sounded like it was looking for someone that it couldn't find. It made him feel lonelier than he already was for his mother's warm smile, or better yet, Snow White's sparkling green eyes and eager kisses. The hole in his heart seemed to widen when he heard the gusts. Many times at night, he would cry himself to sleep as he listened to the wind.

But for now David wiped his eyes before the tears could fall. At least the sun shone a little today. The dark gloomy clouds always caused him to feel even worse, and those tiny candles made of sheep fat really didn't provide enough light.

For now, the sheep and chickens needed to be fed. He waded through the knee - deep snow, trying to pull his head under his coat to protect his ears from the cold. Eventually, David reached the barn.

"Baaaa!" the sheep greeted him, perking their heads up in their stalls.

"Hello," David replied. Although he still missed Snow and constantly wished he were with her again, David liked caring for the sheep. He loved the way they trusted him to protect them and provide for them. He carefully filled their troths with hay, and gave a small smile as he watched them munch on their food. Watching the sheep made the large hole in his heart a little smaller.

As the sheep continued to eat, David began to shovel the manure out of their stalls. Then he carefully stored it to be used for fertilizer this spring. The farm would certainly have plenty available this year. Briefly, David wondered whether he would still be here or his memory would finally return and he would be in the palace with Snow White. He definitely wished to live with her again, but that life seemed further and further away the longer he lived at home on his farm.

Finally, he also fed the small flock of chickens and collected eight eggs.

Soon, the barn chores were done, and David was ready to return to the house. He needed to make the bread if he intended to have any to eat. The wind groaned and howled again as he stepped outside, and his heart ached for Snow White. And for Mother as well.

As David waded through the snow, he suddenly heard something besides the wind. As a shepherd, his ears had been trained from a young age to listen to unusual sounds. After all a hungry animal or lawless bandit may attack at any time. Immediately, David ran into the house to pick up his old sword from several years ago. It was rusted with age and disuse, but he should still be able to defend his sheep with it.

He stood outside in the snow with his sword pointed out as a white horse and fancy sleigh slowly pulled into view. David's mouth dropped open as beautiful raven – haired woman dressed in a full – length fur coat climbed out of it. "Charming!" Snow White exclaimed. Then she paused as she examined his sword. "It's a bit rusty, but I'm certain with your skills, you could still fight with it."

David chuckled nervously as he stared from her to his old sword. How could she actually be here? "I suppose I could. I'm sorry; when I heard an unfamiliar noise, I immediately prepared for an animal attacking my sheep or a bandit, ready to cause trouble."

Snow White laughed as well. "Well, I am a bandit, you know."

David looked at her blankly. Of course she wasn't a bandit. She was royalty. Queen Snow White.

"Well, I used to be, anyway," she explained. Snow White used that disappointed voice that showed how upset she was that he didn't remember. "I lived in the forest as a bandit for almost ten years; as I told you before, that's how we originally met." David nodded. He remembered now. Her ability to survive such harsh conditions was one of the most fascinating things about her. "Furthermore, even though I'm a queen now, sometimes I can become quite the bandit," Snow White continued. David could tell she was teasing now by the sound of her voice and the sparkle of her eyes as he looked into them. "Especially around you. In fact, I think I'll steal a kiss right now," she finished, planting a kiss right on his lips.

Warmth and electricity shot through David as soon as their lips touched. Kissing her was just as wonderful as he remembered, and he needed more. So he wrapped his arms around her tightly, pressing her closer. In return Snow White used her own hands to pull his head closer to her and tugged his mouth open impatiently. Their tongues danced and dueled, challenging each other, while her hand stroked his now completely – grown bread. Meanwhile, he caressed her back with both of his hands. His heart and his body grew warmer and warmer as they continued to kiss. When they finally drew apart, David was a bit surprised there was still snow on the ground. He stared at her in awe. "Wow," he commented.

"Wow, to you as well," Snow White replied, sounding just as amazed. "I've never seen you with a bread," she continued, still running her covered hand over it. "It's very interesting."*

David stared at her carefully. "Well, it's very nice to see you, but I don't really understand. I thought we agreed I would stay here until my memory returned. And I'm sorry to tell you, but my memory hasn't come back."

Snow sighed. "I figured that. That's not really why I'm here. Doc was concerned that you've been here by yourself for so long. Your memories are taking longer than anyone expected, Charming. He worried that perhaps you still suffered from blackouts here as well, and with no one to take care of you, it might get even worse."

David nodded. He was touched that Doc cared so much about him, even when he wasn't their prince anymore. Still, David wondered why he should have expected otherwise from the kind dwarf who had tried everything he could to help David when David had lived at the palace. But there was nothing to worry about. "Tell Doc I appreciate his concern, and yours as well of course, but I don't seem to be suffering from any of those problems anymore. The slow pace of the farm seems to suit me."

Snow White nodded, looking at his face carefully as he spoke. Suddenly she took off her wool mitten and began running her hand all over his head. David hummed in contentment at her warm, tender touch, despite the fact that he wasn't sure why she was doing this.

She continued rubbing her hand over his entire head several times, seeming to want to touch every tiny spot. Finally, she withdrew and shook her head. "I didn't think you were lying; it's almost impossible for you to speak dishonestly to me. But I just wanted to make certain there were no bumps on your head. You've been known to try to hide your pain before, you realize."

David nodded, accepting that was true.

They looked at each other for several moments, not sure wat to do now. Eventually they both sighed. "So I suppose you'll have to return to the palace now?" David asked sadly. He knew the farm was better for his mental health, but in some ways he wished he did have more problems with headaches and blackouts. Then perhaps she would stay here a little longer or he could return to the palace. But of course that couldn't happen. Snow White didn't belong on a farm, and until his memories returned, he didn't belong in the palace, either.

"Yes," Snow White replied just as sadly. "I suppose so." She turned toward her sleigh and slowly walked back toward it. Suddenly, she ran back to where David was still standing and pulled off her woolen white gloves. "You should have these," she told him. "You're outside even more often than I am. I don't understand why you don't have any. You have a wool coat, but that's it."

David shrugged. "We have to sell most of our wool in order to keep the farm running. It doesn't leave much left to keep for ourselves. I'm just lucky mother was able to knit this for me a few years ago, before…" His voice trailed off. He couldn't finish that sentence.

Snow White nodded. "I see. Well, I'm glad to see your mother was such a good knitter." She inspected the coat. "This is quite well – done. But seriously, Charming. Take the mittens. Granny can always create new ones. If you're mental health is doing well, that's fine. But I refuse to see you become sick because you don't have clothing for the winter." She ran toward her sleigh.

David shrugged. He'd always handled it without mittens as a child, but he supposed she was correct. His hands became very cold sometimes. Besides he loved the idea of wearing something that used to belong to Snow White. She disappeared into the sleigh and returned with a wool hat. "Take this, too," she instructed him, placing it on his head over his ears.

Then finally, she returned to the sleigh for the final time and drove off into the distance. David stared off, wishing again that he could go with her or she could stay here. But he knew that wasn't possible. At least he now knew that Snow White missed him as much as he missed her. And though the weather was still cold and the wind still howled, he still felt warmer than he had in days.

Sighing again, he picked up his sword, which had been lying in the snow for a while. It looked even rustier than before, but David still knew he could use it in an emergency. He picked it up and slowly walked back to the house. He still had bread to make.

*Josh Dallas with a bread. Be still my heart… :)

Thank you for all the reviews from the last chapter. Please give me some for this one as well.

Here's your responses.

Guest # 1: You are correct that Snow seems to expect "her Charming" to return and doesn't seem to realize that he's changed. That being said, Charming misses her a lot as well, which I've tried to make it clear. The reality is, he's much closer to falling in love with her than he realizes, even without the memories. But he doesn't recognize it, because he thinks the memories are the only way he'll love her again. As for how they'll resolve this, you have to read to find out.

Myr23: Yes, these are the chapters where the angst are the heaviest. As far as your PM, I still haven't received it for some reason. Is there something wrong with your send? Because I've received PMs from other people recently, so I don't think they're anything wrong with my receive. Could you try writing to support service or sending it again? If you take the time to write my a private message, I'd like to be able to read it.

Guest # 2: Well, there really isn't anything I can do about the way other people see royalty or Snow White's supposed perfection. But I try to make it perfectly clear that this Snow White doesn't see peasants as "inferior" to her. I also think I've tried to make her flaws clear in this story as well. (Her impatience and her tendency to pressure people into giving her what she wants before they're ready, and her occasional trouble with listening. And of course, there's her attraction and flirting with King Richard in this chapter, as you've already mentioned.)

Guest # 3: I'm glad you agree that David needs to figure out who he really is. And I also agree that Snow White needs to figure out who David really is as well, rather than just her version of him. Will that happen? You'll have to read to find out.

Booksinmydreams: I'm team Snowing, too, despite the problems I'm giving them in this story (points to profile picture).

Austenphile: I agree that at this point in the story, Snow White and David are drifting apart, as far as what they want/need in life. And yes, there's a lot more to being together again than just Charming "recovering his memories." I'm glad most of the readers seem to recognize that, because an important part of this story arch. As for why David won't try the palace without his memories again, he's under the misconception that the only way he can be in love with Snow White again is if he recovers them at this point. As for Snow's attraction to King Richard, it can be seen as her heart "beginning to move on" or a way to recommit herself to Charming with extra vigor. It simply depends on your perspective.

Fancypants: Wow, thank you very much. Yes, I thought the show didn't really do much with David pretending to be Prince James or how that would have affected him. And the grief he would have had over his mother's death as well. Granted, some of that was probably that the show assumed he was someone who adapted easily, and his head injury in this story makes it more difficult. But still, there's so much rich potential with how different his life was as a shepherd vs. a prince.