Chapter Ten
Christian
Ana's graduating from the University of Washington tomorrow and, after I told her that I really wanted to be there, she managed to get me a last-minute ticket. So, I am driving the girls out to my mom's house to stay overnight. I glance at them in the rearview mirror. Marissa, who is usually quiet and serious, has her freckled nose in a book. Ellie, my ray of sunshine, has her earphones on and is bopping along to something on her iPad. She looks up and catches me peeking, her hazel eyes – just like Chelsea's – meeting mine. She flashes me a grin and my heart swells.
It's easy to get caught up in the craziness that is our everyday life, and sometimes I just have to pause and soak them in. They're not babies anymore - they're growing up so fast. Oh Chelsea, you should be here to see them… And now I'm having another baby – with Ana. Seeing it on the ultrasound yesterday was… amazing. Ana's amazing. Oh, I am falling for her – falling for the life we could build together. But it's sure going to throw us all for a loop.
When I called to ask my mom if she could take Marissa and Ellie, she was thrilled to have the extra "girl time" with them. After my dad passed away, she moved to a condo downtown. But where she really loves to be is at our shared vacation home in Aspen. She often goes there in between her turns with the girls. I also asked her if we could talk after the girls go to bed. My mom is the person that I can always turn to for support and guidance. When she first found out about my relationship with Elena… Well, it was a horrible time for our family. She also knows that I've been back into that lifestyle. She doesn't care to know the details, but I know she doesn't like it.
We arrive at my mom's condo and the girls make themselves right at home. We eat dinner on her little patio and then the girls go inside to watch a movie before bed. I sit back and run my hands through my hair.
"Uh oh," she says. "What's wrong?"
I smirk. Oh, she knows me too well. "Well… I met someone."
"Oh?" Now I have her attention. I wouldn't be telling her if it was a submissive. "Well, this is a surprise."
"Yeah, it was for me too. I actually met her at a party and we've been seeing each other since." I say, "And mom, I think you're going to like her."
"Oh Christian, you're serious? And she's not a… you know..."
"Nope, she definitely is not. She has a mind of her own. And I haven't felt this way about anyone… since Chelsea."
"Oh my… and does she work in your building?"
"No, not exactly. She's, um, still a student? She's graduating tomorrow from UW, actually. That's why I asked you to watch the girls."
"I see, And how old is she exactly?"
"She's twenty-one… almost twenty-two."
"Ah," she says. She's watching me, waiting for me to continue. I'm rubbing my hands together – I always do that when I'm nervous, when I'm holding something back. "What is it, Christian?"
"And she's pregnant."
"Oh Christian..." She's quiet for several seconds, absorbing the news. "And when did you meet?"
"Um, April." I say,
"I see. And when is she due?"
"January." I admit.
"I see. And…"
"And… We're adjusting, but we're happy. I want her to meet the girls. I want us to be a family. I want my life to be… whole again. She's amazing – smart, kind, beautiful. And I'm falling for her. And if anything happens to her..." I stop. I can't go there.
"I know." She says, and she reaches out and grasps my hand. She knows.
Ana
Kate and I clink together our champagne glasses of orange juice. It's graduation day! We're starting the celebration off early with breakfast in our apartment. We don't have to leave for the ceremony until 10:30, so we treat ourselves to pancakes and bacon with a "champagne" toast. I'm nervous, but excited... mostly excited. I think.
Kate dishes up our food, and we dig in. Mmm... the pancakes are light and fluffy, dripping with maple syrup. I take a big bite of bacon, and feel the gristle squish between my teeth... oh no. No, no, no... I spit out the bacon, slap my hand over my mouth, and run to the bathroom. I hate throwing up... hate it! But I do it anyway... over and over again into the toilet until there's nothing but dry heaves.
"Ana?" I hear Kate from outside the bathroom. She's shut the door most of the way. She can't handle vomit, but she's good at emotional support. "Oh no, are you okay?"
Why do people always ask that when you're puking?! No, actually... not at the moment!
"I'm okay..." Ummm... maybe. I think it's over. I flush the toilet and stand up. Oh I am all sweaty... I splash my face and neck with cool water, then rinse out my mouth. Oh no… I rush back to the toilet, but nothing comes up.
"Ana?" Kate is talking through the opening in the door. "How's it going in there? Um... it's 10:15. Christian's here."
Crap! Oh no, this is not happening. "Don't let him come in here!" But it's too late. I hear him come in, then there are cool hands on my neck, pulling back my hair.
"Oh baby... Kate said you were fine and then..."
"Mmmm... I was just getting nervous, and then the bacon..." Stop! Don't think about it! I shake my head. "I think I'm done..." Christian grips my shoulders as I stand up.
Okay. I step to the sink again and splash my face, rinse my mouth. I stand back up, our eyes meeting in the mirror.
"Why are you nervous?" He asks.
"Um, I'm..." Crap. "I have to give a speech."
"A speech?"
"A, um... you know, a valedictory speech?" I blush. "Surprise!"
His eyes widen. "Ana... that's amazing! Congratulations! Um, when were you planning to mention it?"
Ugh... I don't know! In the car? Not at all?
"I don't know... I just found out for sure on Friday. The dean called me in... and I had to work on my speech... mmmm..." Oh no, not again... I shut my eyes and the wave of nausea passes. I am sweaty and shaky again, but okay. Christian holds me close, one arm across my chest.
"Ana!" It's Kate's voice through the door again. "Ten minute warning... maybe fifteen? And we've got to GO!"
Shit. I look at myself in the mirror... oh, I am a mess. Luckily Kate and I have already showered, and my hair is dry. Okay. I turn and leave the bathroom and Kate pulls me into her room. She peels off my robe, t-shirt and shorts. Then she slips the borrowed dress we have agreed on over my head. It's a gray chiffon halter dress - sheer over satin. It comes to just above my knees and it fits perfectly. Kate's a little curvier than me, but otherwise we are the same size. "Step in," she says. She slips sparkly silver sandals on my feet. "Ana, I wish you'd agree to the heels... they would be so... with this dress."
I shake my head. NO. No heels. Not today... and especially not now. I will be unsteady enough on my own. I glance up and Christian is in her doorway, leaning against the frame. He looks amused... Ugh!
Kate pulls me into her bathroom and gives me the ten-minute, Kate Kavanagh makeover. We agree that my hair needs to be up and off my neck, so she twists it into al ow bun, securing it with a million bobby pins and a can of hairspray. I cough. This is torture, but sometimes Kate's theater experience comes in handy. She quickly dusts me with foundation, powder, blush, eyeshadow. She applies eyeliner, mascara and lip gloss. I am done. Ana turned Princess Barbie... I open my eyes. Oh, I look... like me... but better. Big eyes, glowing skin, no more pallor or eye circles. Sometimes Kate is amazing.
"Oh Kate..." I gush and hug her.
"Ana! I know. Just go brush your teeth. Quickly. And don't mess up..." but I am gone, back to my bathroom. I quickly brush my teeth, being careful of my face.
Done. "Time check?"
"10:35!" Kate calls back. "We're good. Let's go!" We meet back in the living room. Somehow... when? Kate has also managed to put herself together. Full make-up, hair loose and flowing, low-cut, tight magenta dress. She grabs my shoulders. "Okay? You've got this."
Oh no... don't. Don't make me cry. I nod and turn to grab my purse.
"Let's go, Grey!" Kate bosses, "Grab our robes... in those garment bags." Christian does as ordered and we are out the door and into his SUV.
Christian makes quick work of the drive to the UW Huskies Auditorium. "Just pull up and let Ana out and then we can go park. 10:57, Ana! We made it." says Kate.
We all jump out, Christian grabbing my garment bag. Kate helps me into my gown, arranging my valedictorian sash and honor cords, and hands me my cap. "Our little scholar, ready to go," chirps Kate. I roll my eyes and we all laugh.
Christian looks amused, as usual - but proud too - and he gives me a quick peck on the cheek before shooing me inside, "Go get 'em, baby!"
Inside, I meet with about a dozen different people... getting instructions and running through a quick rehearsal. Ugh, why can't I just be a normal graduate? I could be bored in my seat like everyone else. Luckily, my stomach hangs in there and I'm able to sip down a bottle of water.
Soon, they are calling us and we proceed onto the stage... President, Vice-President, Chancellor, distinguished professors… and finally, "The 2018 valedictorian – Anastasia Rose Steele." I smile to myself. I wasn't given a middle name at birth, so I chose my own when I turned eighteen - after one of my favorite heroines.
The lights are bright, but I manage to make it to my seat without incident. It's hard to see the crowd, but I start to scan it, looking for Christian, Kate, and our family. I know Kate is with the K's – about in the middle. So I look for her first and spot her. She beams back at me. Then she points to the upper tier of the stadium to my right, about a third of the way up. I scan the area and there he is - all gorgeous and mine. Wait... he's sitting with the Kavanaghs - how did that happen? - and they're all chatting. Christian, Dad, Mom, Liz - whose husband is probably home with the baby - and our little brother, Ethan... what are they chatting about? Me? I sigh and roll my eyes. I keep staring at Christian until he looks up, locking eyes with me - still looking proud - and he gives me an "Okay?" gesture. I give him a thumbs up and smile before returning my attention to the task at hand. Here we go...
The ceremony begins, winding its way through the typical academic hubbub... and finally it's my turn. I step to the lectern and - surprising myself - deliver a fairly eloquent speech about overcoming obstacles to find success. It's an overused topic, I'm sure, but it's the story of my life.
When it's finally over, I return to my seat. Now I can relax... and they begin to call the graduates. I don't have a part in this, so I sit quietly - glancing up at Christian every few minutes. Sometimes, he's looking right at me. Others, he's leaning forward, conversing quietly with the Kavanaghs.
After the last of the graduateshas crossed the stage, we stand up and exit into the marquee. Attached to it is a huge tent, and tables are set up for families to gather for photos and drinks. People are pouring in, and I'm wondering how on earth I am going to find anyone - I don't even have my phone! - when I feel a hand at the small of my back.
"Hello, baby... over here." Oh thank goodness. Christian leads me to a table in the far corner where Kate and the rest of the Kavanaghs are gathered. Oh boy... more worlds are colliding today.
"Ana!" gushes Mom, coming to give me a big hug. "Oh congratulations! We're so proud of you... of both of our girls... and she grabs Kate with the other arm." I am passed around to all the Kavanaghs... it's great to see everyone.
When it's Liz's turn, she hisses into my ear, "We met your boyfriend... We couldn't believe it... and - wow - he's a hottie!" We giggle. Liz was at college when I met Kate. We haven't spent too much time together, but we've always gotten along well. Like all the Kavanaghs, she exudes warmth and enthusiasm.
I'm blushing, embarrassed at all the attention. Unlike Liz and Kate, I have never brought a guy home, never gushed about a new love or cried over a broken heart. This is new but, if I can get past the embarrassment, kind of nice. Christian comes up at wraps his arm around me, pulling me close. We take the obligatory photos, and Kate and I are finally permitted to take off our stifling robes and caps. Then we all take a seat and everyone's chatting. Phew! The attention's finally off of me alone. The waiter comes, bringing cheap champagne all around. I toast with everyone else, then take a tiny sip. It's warm and sweet... yuck. I ask the waiter if I could please have an ice water, and he bustles off.
They're all looking at me again... Crap! "Um," Kate says, "Ana wasn't feeling too great this morning – nerves, you know..."
"But I'm okay now... it's just warm in here." I say. Oh, I am going to have to tell these people that I'm knocked up - their scholarly foster daughter that they helped to have a better life. Unless they know already? Surely not... I look at Kate and she smiles reassuringly. Yes, I will have to tell them... but not today.