161- Hawkeye never met Dracule Mihawk
"FOR THE HUNDRETH TIME I DON'T KNOW HIM OR WHERE HE IS!" Riza yelled into her phone before slamming it down. She then turned to the bemused man sitting at her kitchen table.
"Sorry about that Dracule."
"No problem cousin."
162- Dracule Mihawk was not Olivier's swordsmanship teacher.
How else can you explain her impressive skills? Besides, she was always annoyed enough to beat up her green haired classmate.
163- The Unova region is not the next place Father plans to turn into a Philosopher's Stone.
"Okay, time for Plan B."
"What's Plan B?"
164- Nor is Team Plasma under Father's control.
"I'm telling you, there is something freaking going on!" White told Black over the Xtransceiver. "I swear that guy is not human!"
165- Father did not finally take a proper name for himself.
"What kind of a name is Ghetsis, anyway? Heck, how do you even pronounce it?!" Greed 3.0 asked.
166- Following the theme, the seven homunculi are not disguised as the Seven Sages.
Not all of them, anyway. The 'First Homunculus, the Dwarf in the Flask, is Ghetsis. Envy decided to take a one-letter name.
167- There was never an attempt to create a military pin up calendar.
Hughes & Roy tried in the Academy…and Hughes lost three cameras and over four pints of blood. Roy was strung up on the flagpole by his boxers almost every Friday night for a month.
168- With the exception of the Promised Day, there was never a Zombie outbreak in Amestris.
Supposedly there was one other a month later but the details are classified.
169- There was actually a Zombie Apocalypse in Amestris.
Please, with all the BAMF running around do you thing Zombies stand a chance? Mustang could just torch them all while drinking a malt whiskey.
170- There is no personification of Amestris.
….No matter what Roy says…he IS NOT AMESTRIS!
171- Envy once spent an entire year as Selim's playmate in preschool.
…Yeah…he apparently did to help the kid fit in.
As a four year old little girl.
172- Al will become a state alchemist after Xing.
He didn't, but he actually became Ed's helper in merging alchemy and alkahestry together to create the Elric Circles; a series of healing transmutation circles using water a medium to treat injuries.
173- Olivier is not the current Pokémon Champion of Amestris.
"WILL YOU BRATS STOP COMING UP HERE TO CHALLENGE ME! OR DO YOU REALLY WANT TO DIE A BLOODY DEATH?" the General yelled from the top of the fort as yet another kid was dragged out kicking and screaming about being a Pokémon Master no matter what.
174- Therefore Falman, Miles, Buccaneer, and Heinshel are not the Elite Four.
And if they were they would not be the following.
Falman- Psychic
Miles- Grass
Buccaneer – Fighting
Heinshel – Steel
175. Also Alex, Sheska, Roy, Hawkeye, Bradley, Fuery, Havoc, and Rebecca are not the Gym Leaders.
"…You know…I think we should go with this."
"Really?"
"You could build a gym in the library."
"I'M IN!"
Alex- Fighting (Lineage Badge)
Sheska – Normal (Knowledge Badge)
Roy – Fire (Flame Badge)
Hawkeye – Flying (Sniper Badge)
Bradley- Ground (Leader Badge)
Fuery – Electric (Pawn Badge)
Havoc – Water (Smoker Badge)
Rebecca- Dark (Whisper Badge)
176 – Therefore Ed is not Red, and Al is not Blue, and Winry is not Yellow.
"I want to be a Pokémon Master!"
"…Who was that kid?"
"Yay!"
177- Winry does not store all those wrenches in Hammerspace.
Technically, it's Wrenchspace.
178-The School Children of Amsteris and its fellow countries have never played with 'THE ORANGE BOX.
Why? BECAUSE IT WAS ANNOYING
And thus Roy incinerated it.
There were celebrations everywhere.
179- Ed was never part of a Host Club
'The things I do to get Al's body back…' the blonde swore as he 'flirted' with his clients. 'This Kouya guy better know something about the stone…or I am going to break his glasses.'
180- Roy never tried to start his own Host Club
…He did at Eastern Command… let's just say that when Riza found out…there was no more Host Club.
181-After getting his body back, Al got his apple pie.
He did get his apple pie. But not before Ed accidentally burned the first three.
182- Roy never rode a horse into battle
Once while in the North he did. He rode into battle on a wild stallion…Then was promptly thrown off and over a tank. But hey, at least he took out that Drachman General.
183- Ed never participated in a rodeo.
"We must never speak of this again…" Ed said from under his ten gallon hat that practically engulfed his head.
"But…"
"Never Al!"
184- Ed never stole a car
"This is a little extreme brother!"
"Shut up and help me hotwire the engine!"
185- Al did not assist him.
"Drive Al! Drive!"
186- They also didn't destroy a fire hydrant, side swipe a cat, or run into a house.
"We must never speak of what has happened here today…"
"That poor cat…"
187- Ed & Roy never took a day off together.
"Man…South City is so boring…"
"Yeah…"
An hour later the two alchemists found themselves hiding from the Riza and Al after they had led a car chase with a drug gang, a musical number downtown, and accidentally set a fireworks factory on fire.
188- Ed was never a wanted fugitive.
"FOR THE LAST TIME I AM NOT THIS CARL SAN DIEGO!"
189- Ed never participated in a military drill.
"Why is Fullmetal not here?"
"Two words sir. Trouble Magnet."
"…okay…"
190- Ed was never declared the short by the Guinness Book of World Records
"WHAT DID YOU BASTARDS SAY? I AM NOT THAT SHORT!" Ed screamed as three strange judges measured
"Wait, wasn't that last record holder only 25 inches tall?"
"...So Ed shorter than-?"
"WHO ARE YOU DARING TO CALL SO SHORT THAT HE COULD RIDE A FREAKING ANT TO WORK YOU BASTARDS!" Ed screamed as sent the record judges into a panic, making them fall down a flight of stairs after they became tangled up in their measuring tapes.
191-Shao-Mei is not a digimon.
Envy could only stare in awe as the tiny panda digivolved into a massive cyborg version of itself that preceded to zap the poor palm tree with lightning cannons.
He should have known better than to attack that Xingese girl and threaten to make her into Sweet and Sour Xingese.
192-Alphonse did not join the Ouran Black Magic Club
Not officially, Nekosawka and his club let Al hide out in their room while Ed was on a mission in Ouran with the Host club.
Ed never trusted him alone with Nekosawa after he woke up one morning with cat ears.
193- The silver watches of the State Alchemists do not contain Time Lord consciousnesses.
Roy accidentally discovered this when he was being chased by an Angel statue and Hughes arrived to save him.
194-Izumi never appeared on the Real Housewives of Amestris
What started out as a 'drama' show became one of the most loved action shows ever and only aired once. But Dublith became a major tourist destination after that.
195- Al never used a Philosopher's Stone to change his brother's gender
Ed never forgave him for it, nor Dr. Marcoh for letting him do it. Or Scar and Miles for taking the photos and sending them somewhere secure for future blackmail.
196- Ed never had to play house guest to the Ouran Host club.
He finally had enough and knocked out Tamaki and Kyoya (whom he wanted revenge on for lying about information on the stone) then dumped them on a train heading far North. Let's just say those two found out the meaning of hard work when they had to stay at Fort Briggs until Ed reluctantly came to take them home.
But to Haruhi's amusement they were rather humbled by the experience.
197- Likewise Riza Hawekeye does not have a distance niece named Haruhi Fujioka.
She was very proud after her niece sent her a letter of how she chased off a 'Shadow King' who was hounding her for money with her new pistol.
198- Roy is not secretly a disgraced son of the Ootori.
Correction. Grandson. No one ever told him though. Although he does have a great deal of stinginess on money.
199- Roy is not a Shadow King.
No one is allowed to wake him up before 7am unless they want him to be.
200- Ed never had to ride a horse in a military parade.
"It will be the only way anyone can see him."
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE CAN ONLY BE SEEN WITH A MICROSCOPE YOU BASTARD?"
"I'm more worried if he can even ride a horse."
201- The children of Amestris play cowboys and Indians.
False.
They now play soldiers and homunculi.
202- The real reason Roy was promoted to Colonel was because he won a poker game.
"Royal Flush!"
"Damn!"
203-The Promised Day was never referred to as D-Day.
"Today we shall storm the streets of Central, and liberate this country!"
204- Havoc drank cactus juice.
"FRIENDLY MUSHROOM!"
"…no more cactus juice for you."
205- While restoring Ishval, Roy never thought that he was a banana.
"Hey Hawkeye!"
"Yeah?"
"I'm a banana!"
"What?"
"I'm banana!"
"What happened to your clothes?"
"I'M A BANANA!" Roy shouted as he showed off his banana costume.
"Did the Colonel hit the cactus juice this morning?" Brenda asked as Roy started to sing Banana Power. Scar and Miles just stared.
206- Truth is not Slenderman.
Not everyone sees the gate. Others see a faceless man in a tuxedo and die.
207- Envy never went on vacation by disguising himself as a pet chameleon.
Lust had to drag him back kicking and screaming.
208-There was never a celebratory beach party.
It was all fun and games until Izumi and Olivier were challenged to a volleyball match with Roy and Alex. Then the slaughter began.
210- Unless it's a life or death situation Izumi & Olivier are not allowed to team up in a fight.
The poor Drachman insurgents never stood a chance when they tried to assault both women outside a café at the same time.
211- The reason Alex wants to protect his older sister is because she would protect him from bullies when he was little.
"AND IF ANY OF YOU CALL ALEX A FREAK AGAIN THEN I WILL KICK YOUR ASS!" Olivier yelled as the bullies ran away, leaving the smirking ten year old girl in her stained and torn dress while her four year old brother sat in the mud puddle in shock.
212- There was never a snowman building contest in Central.
"The art of creating realistic snowmen has been passed the Armstrong line for generations!"
213- There was never an officer's snowball fight.
"HAH! YOU CENTRAL WEAKLINGS CAN'T STAND UP TO A NORTHERN SOLDIER!"
214- There was never a snow fort building contest either.
"Really? Really?" Roy yelled as he practically pulled his hair out.
Olivier and Miles just high fived from behind their fortress, meanwhile Falman prepared their counter offensive of snow fill shovel catapults.
He still owed Roy a snowball to face.
215- Ed & Al never played Minecraft.
"What's with all the square blocks?"
"We are getting ready for a zombie invasion!" Ed said as he stared to dig.
"Okay…"
216- The following line was never said during the coup in Central.
"Holy Mother F*** it's an ice cream truck!"
217- The Art of Culinary Combat has been passed down the Armstrong line for generation.
No one believed this until they witnessed Major Armstrong's mother beat up Wrath with a rolling pin and cast iron skillet.
218- The Abominable Snowman does not live in Briggs.
And even if he did, he would not go to the Fort for poker nights.
219- Catherine Armstrong is a cute innocent girl.
"Lies, she is every bit of a demon as her older siblings." Yoki groaned.
220- Ling wears a girdle.
"By order of the Emperor's son, if one more person accuses him of that, they will meet Lan Fan in a dark alley with her ready to defend his honor."
221- Ed is an adrenaline junkie.
"Fullmetal is you want an adrenaline rush do it by going bungee jumping or sky diving."
"Colonel!"
"Okay."
"BROTHER!"
222- Roy never willingly went bungee jumping.
He was pushed off the bridge by Scar.
223- Jerso is not obsessed with burritos.
"This is the best burrito, I've ever eaten. Yum! Yum! Yum!"
"Oh no, not again."
224- The Elrics were never on Maury.
"He's never there for us. He never even showed up to our Mother's funeral."
"Boys, it's not really…"
"IF YOU ARE RELATED TO US, IT'S NOT AS OUR DAD!"
"The results are in…Hoenheim…YOU ARE THE FATHER!"
"Motherf***"
"Aw, Hell no!"
225- Ed, Envy and Ling were never abducted by aliens.
"Hey, do you this is edible?" Ling asked as he looked at the food their 'Hosts' had given them.
"It's has claws and six eyes!" Ed said panicky as he tried to keep an eye out for the three eyed green beings who had abducted them
"So is that a no?"