Look into my eyes - you will see

What you mean to me

Search your heart - search your soul

And when you find me there you'll search no more

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for

You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for You know it's true

Everything I do - I do it for you

Look into your heart - you will find There's nothin' there to hide

Take me as I am - take my life

I would give it all - I would sacrifice

(Everything I do) I do it for you-Bryan Adams

Going After Him!!!

Chapter 10: You are my life!

BPOV

We were both just sitting here looking at each other while I ate on my sandwich. I was so afraid of what he was going to say. What if it was only the lust that caused him to give me the greatest experience of my life. Well besides meeting him in the first place. It was like he was having an internal battle with himself. The faces he was making. One minute it was full of sorrow and the next it was nothing but happiness. I was not sure if this was a good thing or not. We continued to sit here and than next thing I knew my sandwich was gone and there was nothing left to do but either start this conversation since it seems Edward is not going to or continue to sit here.

I quickly tried to get my thoughts together, but it wasn't working to well. I knew that I loved him and I came here for him. Nothing had changed about the way I felt. I still wanted him and always would. If anything I loved him even more. WOW! I just realized that that was really true. I did love him even more than before. I felt even closer to him; like I knew him better. I didn't think it was possible to love him more than I already had. But I guess being intimate with the person you are destined to be with would bond you even closer. It truly is the most intimate thing one can experience. I truly doubted that being with just anyone in that way would be the same as being with your soul mate. But that was something I would never know anything about. I was either going to be with Edward or no one. I know that I will not survive him leaving me again.

I wasn't trying to sound all suicidal or dramatic but it was just something I knew it would not be able to do. I knew my feelings were the same, but how could he go from not wanting me and not loving me to wanting me again. That made me think that it was just the lust. I wasn't sure and I didn't understand. I took a deep breathe.

"Edward"
"Bella" we both said at the same time. I had to laugh. We both sat here silent this whole time and went to talk at the same time. Edward started laughing too. "Go ahead." he said. I took another deep breathe and began.
"You left, you just left."
"Bella I.
"I'm not finished yet." I was not mad but I didn't want to be interrupted now that I was starting. I know that I sounded mad though because the the look on his face. It was full of shame and guilt. I gave him a real big smile to try and relax him a little. I took another deep breathe. "I'm not mad at you Edward; I'm really not. I'm hurt and disappointed. And actually a little confused, to be honest. But I am not mad and I am sorry if I sounded mad right then. It's just I've missed you and I'm finally here with you. After months and months of longing I'm finally here. And I have so many questions and so many things I want to say and once I got started I really didn't want to be interrupted." I said all this in one breathe and than I exhaled. I had been looking at my hands in my lap the whole time I was talking. I looked up at Edward and my heart broke. The sadness and hurt on his face was almost to much to bare. I instantly wanted to grab him in my arms and hold him. To tell him I loved him and that everything would be alright. But I couldn't, I wasn't sure everything would be alright. Yes it looked like he was hurting, but maybe he just felt guilty. I knew I looked a mess and unhealthy. It was obvious in the way I held myself I was a wreck. I think the saddest part was that I knew all this and I could not do anything to change that. Only this man in front of me could fix me, the only thing was would he, did he want to? I sure as hell hoped so.

I knew there was alot of things I wanted to say, that I needed to say so after a second I started talking again before he had time to start. "What happened between us tonight, what was that to you. Just the lust Jasper was projecting. I know it was strong, it had to effect you." I stopped to breathe but again I didn't even let him answer before I was talking again. "It was the best thing that has ever happened to me, well besides meeting you in the first place. But tonight was better than even that. And I honestly thought nothing could ever be better than when you came into my life. It was the single best experience I have ever had. And it has made me so happy that I have experienced that kind of connection, intimacy with you. There is no one I would of ever wanted to do that with besides you. And even if tonight is the only thing I get to have with you ever again, I'll take it. At least I got to experience the most intimate experience with you. Something neither one of us have done before. And even if I can't have you, and I came here for no reason, I will at least be a little happy. Cause you will forever be my love, the only one I ever have or ever will be one with both physically and mentally. I love you so much. But know this I will not give up on you without a fight. I need you and I want you. Why did you leave Edward. And I want the truth, not some bullshit to spare my feelings."

We sat there in silence for what seemed like forever, but was really only like a minute or two. I am not sure what Edward was thinking or feeling, his face was blank. And he was just staring at me. I honestly think that was the longest speech I have ever gave him, even longer than when we first met and I was ranting about double standards. I started thinking back to that time when I first met him and how not much had changed on how I felt for him. I was still utterly infatuated with him. He still was the only thing I really thought about, he consumed my every thought.

"Bella, my sweet beautiful Bella. Where do I even begin. I have so much to apologize for, so much to make up to you. I'll just start with I love you, I love you so much and I am so sorry. Sorry from the bottom of my lifeless heart for hurting you. Not one day, no that's not good enough; not one moment has passed since the moment I walked away from you in the woods that you haven't been consuming every thought I have had in my head. You are the only thing I have thought about in the last seven months. There were so many times I wanted to just run back to you and beg you to take me back and tell you what a fool I've been, tell you what a huge mistake I had made. For two reasons I didn't do just that."

"One was I was so scared of rejection, though I knew I would and do deserve your rejection; I also knew that I was not strong enough to handle it. You have been the only good thing that has happened to me in my very long life Bella. Don't get me wrong I love my family and they know this, but they also know that my life was nothing, empty before I met you. They all had each other and I was alone. For ninety years I have walked this earth alone. No one meaning more to me or even half way catching my attention and in one day, no in one minute just some ordinary day you walked past me and completely changed my whole life. You lit my life up, filled it with so much joy and so much happiness, but at the same time so much fear. And that is the reason I left you and the second reason why I always stopped myself from coming back every time I wanted to. And oh god Bella did I want to."

"Everyday was a struggle for me to stay away from you, my home. I have lived in so many different countries and cities, but no where ever truly felt like home. Until you. And now you and Forks, Washington will always be my home. Sometimes I would tell myself that I would just come back here and check on you. Make sure you were okay and happy. But I always talked myself out of it too. I always knew that I didn't deserve you, that you were to good for me. But I loved you to much to make myself stay away. I tried some many times to leave Bella. Before we ever even talked, remember that first day in Biology, and later I told you I had left, I went out of town. You know that I left because your blood has such a powerful effect on me and I did not want to hurt you. But what I never told you or anyone for that matter was that the reason I came back was because of you. Yes I missed my family, yes I wanted to be with them."

"But I spent that whole time I was in Alaska seeing nothing but you, and your beautiful brown eyes. They impaired my vision, that no matter what I was looking at; they were all I saw. It has always been you Bella, even before I knew it. I couldn't even stay away then, and I didn't even know you. All I knew was your name, your dad was the police chief, that I couldn't read your mind, and that in all my long years I had never smelt something as wonderful as you. So the longer I was around you and learned things about you from other peoples conversations with you. The more I seen how wonderful and unique you were; there for the more I was drawn to you, and the harder it was to even think about leaving you. I hated Mike Newton, all those days he use to sit at our desk and talk to you and hit on you; but I also was grateful for him, because the more he talked to you the more I learned. He never noticed all the little things about you, he didn't see the real you; but me, I did."

"And than your birthday happened, and I was crushed. Yes I protected you once again from the threat being in my world posed on you. But how many more times would I truly be able to do that? Before it was something even me and my family couldn't handle. And that thought right there scared the shit out of me. And I know that Jasper did not intentionally try to hurt you, and I have never blamed him for it or been mad at him. But the fact that I had to save you from my own family was to much. There was only one thing that was ever more important to me than what I wanted, than my need for you and that was your safety. And yes I was foolish to think that just because you are human that you couldn't love me the way that I love you and I see that now. It is obvious that you do, that you love me so completely and that you couldn't just get over me. Why you love me I do not know, but I know that you do."

"And I am so grateful for that, because I love you so much, you are my life Bella and you always have been. I was given this second chance at a life, just so that one day I could be with you. And I never seen it that way before. I seen it as a curse, not an oppurtunity. I was born and reborn, I guess you could say; to be with and love you, and I know this and believe this with all that I am. And I am not going to fight it anymore. I can't, I do not have the willpower. If you will have me I am here forever. Forever yours my Bella. I am so sorry I lied to you in the woods Bella. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I couldn't believe you believed it so easily. I had told you a million times how much I loved you and I told you one time that I didn't and you believed it without a second thought."

"I seen it in your eyes, you truly believed that I did not love you. How could you have so little faith in my feelings for you to so easily believe something as ridiculous as me not loving you?" He said all that in one breathe and I was speechless which I guess was a good thing because before I even had time to think of a response he started again. "And to answer your question about what happened earlier. No it was not just the lust Jasper was projecting on everyone. I was very much aware of what I was doing, and I was in control. I do not regret it nor will I ever regret it. You are the only woman I have ever in my whole existence had those types of feelings for and you will always be the only one."

"I made love to you because I wanted to and I knew that you wanted to too; plain and simple. It was one way of showing you that I am here and that I want you. By taking down all my boundaries I had for us and allowing us to give ourselves to each other in the most intimate way. Now I know that I messed up. And I never have and I certainly don't now deserve your love, you have every right to reject me. But I am so sorry and I promise that if you give me one more chance I will never leave you or hurt you again. All I want is to be with you. I can not continue to go on without you. It is just to much to bare, I need you with me always. Say that you love me and that I can please have one more chance. I will get down on my knees and beg you if I have to. I just need you Bella, just to be with you. I love you so much and I want to spend the rest of your life proving that to you. If you'll let me."

I am thinking of you In my sleepless solitude tonight

If it's wrong to love you Then my heart just won't let me be right

Cause I've drowned in you And I won't pull through Without you by my side

I'd give my all to have Just one more night with you

I'd risk my life to feel Your body next to mine

Cause I can't go on Living in the memory of our song

I'd give my all for your love tonight

my all-Mariah Carey(I know it's sort of a girly song, and I don't really see Edward listening to this song, but the words just fit I think)

EPOV

She just sat there looking at me. What was with us talking each other into silence. She was probley just processing everything I had said to her. Coming up with her response. I think right now was the most I had ever wished that I could read her mind. Why was it the one mind in this whole world I wanted to read I couldn't. That was just completely unfair.

"First off Edward, did you not listen to anything that I just said to you? Did I not just say that I was not giving up on you without a fight. Yes, you were stupid and egotistical; I might add, to think that just because I am merely a human that I can not and do not love you the depth that you love me. That is utterly preposterous. Seriously Edward. You say how could I question your love for me, but you did the same thing all along. Thinking it was just a crush for me and I would simply forget about you. Do you think I did not try Edward; because I did. It hurt so bad not being with you, hearing your perfect voice, feeling your cold strong arms around me at night. It hurt to not be able to talk to you, to not wake up every morning to you kissing my forehead. But you want to know what hurt the most, my whole life I never fit with anyone, not even my own mother. Until I met you and your family. And it was the first time in my whole life that I ever felt like I had a family, that I belonged somewhere."

"Yes I love you, want you and missed you more than anything, but I love them and missed them and want them in my life too. They are my family too and you took my whole life away from me in one moment. That is what hurt the most, not only did you take away my true love but my family too. And I am still not mad, but you need to know how I feel about everything if we are going to move on from here. How could you doubt me Edward! I did try everyday to forget you, all of you. It was utterly impossible. Everything reminded me of you. Everything! I could still smell you in my room Edward. Do you know how hard it is to try to forget; like you told me to. When everything reminds you of what you are suppose to be forgetting. And everything in you is telling you it is wrong. It was like my whole body was rebelling against me and what I was trying to do. And why was I trying to do it Edward, because it is what you wanted. I never myself wanted to move on, to be without you." Oh did I know exactly what she meant, I went through the exact same thing.

"I never truly wanted you to forget Bella. I was so afraid that you actually would, even though I was the idiot that told you too. I just thought it was what was best for you." She just looked at me. "I wasn't done yet." she whispered.
"Sorry, go on." I nodded at her to tell her to continue.

"Not even for a second. You are it for me. And there is no reason for you to beg if I came here prepared to beg as well. Don't you see, you do deserve me. I was born to love you too. It's all I've ever been good at, loving you. We are made for each other. Don't you see how wonderful you are? And not just the way you look Edward. Yes, you are absolutely jaw dropping gorgeous, but that's not what draws me to you. When I first met you, yes I thought you were gorgeous but I was intrigued by you And the same goes for me that went for you. The longer I was around you the more attached I got. I watched you Edward, always watched you before you started talking to me again. I couldn't help it, I was drawn to you. I love you, and if I am so great like you say I am; don't you think you would have to be equally as great if not better, for me to love you so much. You are the only person I have ever wanted in anyway too Edward. I love you and there is no need to doubt for anything. I am here simply because I need you and want you. I thought I made that clear in my last little speech. I love you Baby"

Wow! My girl was right. I was a fool and a hypocrite. But I loved her all the more for calling me on it. And she called me baby. I liked it, she had never called me baby before. She wanted to be with me. Regardless that I left her and hurt her so bad. How did I ever deserve such love and dedication.

"You are beautiful to me inside and out Edward. And I might not agree with why you left, and I might not like it. But I understand. I thought you really left because you didn't want me anymore. I thought that I was just a distraction for you and that you were bored with me. But I see it in your eyes that you are telling me that truth this time. That day in the forest I was trying to read your eyes and I couldn't. They were emotionless, and now I know why. They are definitely not like that now. I am so sorry I doubted you too love. I am so so sorry. Never again will I doubt you. It's me and you right! I need you baby, so bad!!"

She looked like she was about to start crying, so I made the first physical contact we had had since I sat her on the stool in the kitchen. I grabbed her and pulled her into my arms. She instantly started crying with the contact. It felt so good so right. This is my home. This is where I belonged, and I was where she belonged. I knew that now. I knew that I was to her what she was to me and that made me the happiest I have been in my whole existence. If it was physically possible right now I would probley be crying my eyes out with tears of complete joy. I finally felt whole again, with my one love in my arms.

"SHH Baby don't cry, don't be sad. You have nothing to be sorry for. It is my fault you doubted me, I lied to you and it was wrong. I am sorry I assumed I knew what was best for you. It is only me and you love. Forever. I need you too love, so much. I can never be without you again. You are here with me now love and I will never let you go again." I sobbed tearlessly into her hair.

"Edward" she said through sniffling, it was adorable. This woman was perfect. I loved her so much. How could I ever of left her. STUPID EDWARD! But never again.
"Yes my Bella, my love."
"I am crying tears of happiness, just to let you know. I am so happy right now. I am afraid I am going to wake up and realize this is just a dream."
"It is not a dream love. You and me are really here. And we are together and in love. And earlier you let me make love to you and it was the best night of my life. This is the best night of my life."
"The best ever?"
"Yes."
"Wow, and you got lots of nights for it to be compared too." I just laughed. She was so silly. Just bringing up earlier made me want to relive it with her. But right this second was not the moment.
"Edward."
"Hmm"
"Do you know why I am here'
"You said to get me back and fight for me if you had to." I smiled so big into her hair, she was going to fight for me. I loved her more and more every second of everyday. I felt pride I think, yes pride in my girl for being so strong and going after what she wanted. And I was so grateful that what she wanted was me. She was just so amazing. Everything about her drove me crazy.

"No I meant, do you know what made me decide to come here?"
"No, would you tell me?"
"I had a dream about you, and for months before that I was like numb, like a zombie. It still hurt and all but I was numb to it. Does that make sense?"
"Yes, I completely understand. I felt that way too."
"Well I woke up in the morning, on the exact day it had been seven months since you had left me and I was not numb anymore, and it hurt so bad I could barely breathe."
Just hearing her say this was hurting me, but I let her go on. I just held her tighter in my arms.
"I woke up from having a dream about you, and it was so clear, so vivid. Like it was a memory I was reliving, not a dream I was having. But I knew that it was not a memory I had of you, but I also knew that it was not just some dream. In the dream I seen you, and you were here in Ithaca. I think you were out hunting probleyand in the process had passed Cornell. And I seen it in the dream and that was how I knew you were here. I just knew it, with all I am that this was where you were. After I laid curled up in ball crying for hours and thought about it. Fighting with myself on weither I should come or not. How you would react to if you would want me again; I decided I wasn't willing to give up on you, to give up on us. I looked up their website. I had a feeling that if I was right and you guys were here that Carlisle would be teaching at Cornell. So I looked it up and he was there. And just seeing his picture made my resolve stronger. I went downstairs and told Charlie I was coming here after you. I told him I was doing it whether he liked it or not. He agreed and here I am. In your arms and the happiest I have ever been."

I did not even know what to say to that. How perfect was she. I did the only thing I could thing of. I grabbed her face and started kissing her. I put as much as I could into that kiss, without hurting her. Trying to show her how much I loved her and how happy I was too. I layed her down and looked down into her eyes. I wanted her and I needed her right now.

"I need you, right now baby. I need to be with you."
"I need to be with you too."
"I love you Bella."

And than I smashed my lips to hers and swiped my tongue across her lips asking for permission to enter. She granted me access instantly and I immediately got lost in the passion that was flowing through use like electric currents. I had my love back, and I was going to make sure it stayed that way. I would never give her up willingly again. I needed her to bad.

A/N: Again sorry for such the long delay. I will try not to have such a long one for the next chapter. If there are any errors I am truly sorry. I did proof read it but I was determined to post this chapter tonight and well it is almost three in the morning and I am tired as hell. I got to get up in like 4 hours so again sorry for any errors there might be. PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!! Also check out my other story. You might like it. If you don't think the summary on it is that great, don't let it turn you off the story. I was having trouble writing a summary without giving out to much info. I promise the story is better than the summary. Definitely worth a read. Thanks again to everyone who likes this story so much. And REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope this chapter satisfies everyone. And everyone really likes it. I really like it. I think my writers block might be over, I have all kinds of ideas on this story since I started writing this chapter.