Tourism 10: Watch out for the wildlife.

We all stood in the school gardens, gathered for our seaside trip. I had bedecked myself with multiple buckets and spades, a bag of savoury snacks, a camera hanging around my neck and then some. I would probably regret the sheer volume of stuff I had brought with me later. I was already regretting my late night out to acquire them. I got back later than I had intended (after all I had been unexpectedly cordoned by Thoth, Thor, Dionysus, Loki and then Thoth again – in that order) and spent a good deal of the night packing my new stuff for the next day. Now I was surreptitiously yawning into the back of my hand, trying to avoid Yui's eye as it contagiously sparked a yawn from her too. I had kept her up somewhat late I suppose… Whoops.

"Everyone is here! Everyone came!" Apollon cheered, gazing gleefully at his fellow gods. Some looked happier than others to be here, but that in no way dampened his mood. Apollon seemed to deflect such crabbiness. Yet, I can't say I had exactly the same power. While I won't say other people's bad moods affect me, I will say I can't be as painfully ignorant to them as Apollon. As such, I felt Loki's sour mood hit me like a bag of bricks, mostly due to the fact it was aimed almost entirely at me. On occasions, he would switch up his target and focus his scowl on Dionysus and Apollon, but clearly I had seriously ticked him off the previous night. Whoops², I guess.

"Stating the obvious," I whispered into Yui's ear. She hushed me and batted me away. Obviously, I wasn't allowed to poke fun at Apollon.

I frowned sulkily and moved to stand beside my new best bud, Tsukiyomi, which prompted another person's bad mood to focus on me. Now Susanoo was scowling at me too. I shot a sassy look back. He's my friend now, bitch. Mmhm. I was rather tempted to click my fingers in a 'Z' shape at him.

But maybe that would be too sassy.

Apollon waved a beckoning hand, his smile glaringly happy. "Then, follow us. We're leaving. Let's go to Seaside school!"

I marched along the path to the beach in the wake of Yui and Apollon. I stuck close to Tsukiyomi as we walked, offering interesting facts about humans and letting him write them down...for future reference? Well, maybe there would be an exam on humans this year. The notes would be pretty useful then (ha, yeah right, no they wouldn't).

Hades walked right at the back of the group and, to my disappointment, he balked every time someone came near him. I would have to think tactically about talking to him.

But I would save that for later, for as of that moment, my worries lay with a growling sea god. He and Loki trudged behind us, seemingly complaining about the struggles of a human body, however I was sure – positively sure – that I could feel both their constant glares against my back. Susanoo made no attempt to cover his discontent, however Loki adopted a veneer of nonchalance whenever I glanced back (pffft, like he thinks I wouldn't notice). Just because I couldn't see it directly, it didn't mean my sixth sense wasn't shouting about some slippery dickbat behind me being angry. It was rather unsettling, but I did my best to ignore it.

"Over seven billion?" Tsukiyomi seemed unable to believe what I told him, his pencil paused above his pad as he looked at me for conformation on earth's human population count.

"Uh-huh," I nodded, "and our numbers just keep going up and up and up! It's causing a whole load of problems. Unemployment, quick spread disease, famine... But hey, you gods might end up getting more followers out of it. Hard times push people to religion after all. Oh, I've got a good one. Did you know that an average human farts fourteen times a day? That's something to look forward to, eh Suki?"

"I have noticed a development of flatulent behaviour from my body," Tsukiyomi said contemplatively.

"Farts are healthy," I told him, "You know, as Shrek once said, 'Better out than in'."

"This Shrek is an important figure in your society?"

"Well, he's had a lot of media coverage as of recent. Shrek is love, Shrek is life..." I saw Tsukiyomi writing and quickly said, "Don't put down that last bit."

"...'Don't put down that last bit'."

I sighed and shook my head fondly, "Ok, fine. It doesn't matter. I guess I might get a laugh out of it in the future. Anyway, let's move on from humans and talk about our squad. I have a plan, but it requires better hiding spots..."

Tsukiyomi and I had gradually let ourselves drop back in our beach procession, letting even the sluggish Loki and Susanoo (who had been wilting and consequently moaning in the intense heat) overtake us. And then, as the open countryside turned into a forest, I knew the time to enact my plan was drawing near.

Luckily, Yui came along, providing the perfect distraction. I tapped Tsukiyomi's shoulder and jabbed a thumb towards a thicker patch of the trees that lined the road. We ducked behind a wide trunk, where I dropped my large amount of baggage ready to be picked up later, as Yui approached Hades.

"Hades, you're getting separa-"

"Stay back," he commanded, holding a hand up, halting Yui dead in her tracks. "Do you want to be miserable?" Not the best frame of mind to be in... That would have to change.

Yui gawked at him. "Huh? Um, I..."

Then Hades did the most brilliant thing I had ever seen. He shuffled backwards, effectively emulating the late Michael Jackson's moon walk, hand still raised. I had to stuff a fist into my mouth to stop my laughter from blowing our cover.

"I accepted Apollon's invitation to this sunny Seaside school," Hades hugged his body, reminding me of an angsty high school boy. It might have been the floppy dark hair that did it. "But I'm staying farther away than usual, so as not to ruin it with my misery."

"R-Right..." Yui mumbled awkwardly. She stood there for a moment, watching Hades, seemingly not knowing what to do with herself. But then she turned and jogged away, back towards the front of the group where Apollon had initiated a Seaside school song. The horror!

Once Yui was gone Hades exhaled glumly. His shoulders slumped and he began to walk again. I tugged at tugged at Tsukiyomi's sleeve, waving my other hand wildly. It was time.

We crept out behind Hades, taking care to keep our footsteps as light as possible. As we neared Hades' back I held up three fingers to Tsukiyomi. One... Two... Three!

We jumped him.

Hades cried out in shock as we latched onto his neck and shoulders. He thrashed about widely, but I clung on like a crazy little monkey. "Stop, stop!" I shouted.

"Alice? Tsukito?" He settled down, but his body remained tense. It appeared he was not one to have his personal bubble invaded either. I silently apologised for the breech in conduct, however sacrifices for the squad must be made.

"Yep, it's us," I told him, my voice muffled slightly from my face being squashed into his back, which hurt quite a lot for your information. I think my nose may have been bleeding. Maybe I had been a bit too violent in my ambush. "Suki, keep a hold of him."

I unattached myself from the underworld god, leaving the moon god to remain holding him, and paced around Hades to stand before him. With my hands upon my hips and chin tilted upward, I channelled my inner Mafioso. "We're here on important business. Business, that if you mention to anyone else, you will be answering to me. And so accordingly... We want you to be part of our squad! Well, I suggested it but Tsukiyomi was all up for it, so, ta-da! Here we are, offering up exclusive membership. And just between you and me, a little personal opinion and such...I would take up the offer. It's a pretty good deal."

Hades was staring at me, mouth agape and eyebrows furrowed in incomprehension. I guess we probably could have gone about this a better way and, maybe, I could have phrased it somewhat differently, but what was done was done. There was no changing it now.

The only small remedy I could offer to my bamboozling speech was to sum up the proposal in a summarizing sentence. "We want to be friends."

The Greek god watched me still, yet now his look was less of incredulousness and more along the lines of dismal. "I will cause you only misery."

"That's not really a 'yes or no' answer." I huffed half-heartedly and made my way towards Hades, but he flinched as I drew near, "Look, Suki is touching you and nothing bad has happened to him."

As per usual, I spoke too soon.

"Ah, a snake." Tsukiyomi said, in an oddly calm reaction to the creature. However, I had a different reaction – something along the lines of hysterical.

I screamed and jumped back a few steps, away from the snake that was now wrapping its way around Tsukiyomi's legs, fangs bared. "H-Hang on Suki!"

I swept a gnarled stick from the ground and charged forwards, striking at the snake before it could bite Tsukiyomi. Fortunately, the snake went flying. Unfortunately, Hades used the opportunity to wrench himself from capture and make a run for it.

I span around far too late, for Hades' form was already growing distant.

"Damn it! He got away..."

Edited 21.08.17