A/N: Sorry for the long wait. Thank you to my reviewers, I love you all! It inspired me to write this chapter faster then I had anticipated about a week ago. My apologies for having it sit around and do nothing for about four days or so. I couldn't find the perfect song for this chapter. I hope you like the song choice…. keep on sending the reviews because I love them SO, and even without them I'd keep on writing.
Back to You
Chapter 10: Be You
* * *
It's hard to know just what to do in times like these
It's hard to know just what to say
And I'm just sitting here just asking myself why
It's good to know you feel the same
And I believe
I want to be your everything
And anything you need
- Don't Cry for Us, Justincase
* * *
They both sat there, Rory trying to look composed despite the tears still falling and Tristan trying not to look like a total fool. "Surprised you'd come and see if I was all right," she said her tone clipped. "What's that suppose to mean?"
"You didn't seem to care if I woke up or not from the coma," Tristan flinches and she doesn't look his way. "That wasn't my fault,"
"Of course it was Daddy's right?" she's bitter and Tristan doesn't know what to say anymore. "You didn't write," he mumbles and she looks up finally meeting his gaze. "That's not fair DuGrey," she sneers. "You broke my heart, you broke it and you don't even care,"
"You seemed to be having a fine time with, Grant, Mary," he stresses the name and she rolls her eyes. "I got over you Tristan did you expect me to wait around?" she gets up and continues into the garden not wanting to rehash everything that's been going on in her head for all these weeks since her accident. There was so much she wanted, no needed to talk to him but now wasn't the right time. Tristan scrambles up from his position and follows her into the garden. "I guess I didn't count on you getting over me so fast,"
"You have that girl with you," she responds sitting down on the stairs of the gazebo in the center of Grant's mother's garden. "That doesn't mean anything. I wasn't talking about her or Grant even I was talking about us,"
"There is no us anymore Tristan. The moment you walked away, us was over,"
"Look you have every right to be upset but you didn't need to change. You didn't need to turn into little Miss Whore of Chilton, that's not who you are,"
"You don't even know who I am. Hell, I don't even know who I am anymore," Rory says with a sad smile on her face. "Maybe I don't anymore but I did. I learned from you that the world can be a place where people get second and third and fourth chances to make something of themselves," he paused and looked at her with the most sincere expression. "But you made me see that. You gave me a second chance…you gave me the faith to see decency in people that don't seem to be decent at all. You made my world turn upside down,"
"There are so many reasons why I changed Tristan, when you left you took my heart with you, you shattered it into a million pieces and I knew I could never love anyone like that again and no one would be able to love me either. So I turned into this," she made a face of disgust and Tristan sighed.
"You don't ever need to worry about it Rory. I don't see why you feel like this…you have these incredible eyes and the sexiest voice and a smile that breaks my heart. Why can't you see that?" tears threaten to fall from her eyes and she struggles with just kissing Tristan, turning back to her old self but she knows she's gone to far for that, nothing would ever be the same again. "It's not that easy…I have Grant now he's all I need,"
"Bull shit," he whispers and she closes her eyes for a moment. Why did he have to come back? Why does he have to do this to me…I can't be everything he says I can be, how did I turn into this mess. He wraps an arm around her and she can't help but lean in closer as the tears leak from the corners of her eyes. "I don't think Grant is what you need, you know that's not what you need. You need someone who will love you not just for your looks. They have to love you for your wonderful reading ability, the way you bite your lip when your nervous, the way you drink your coffee, the way you taste, the way you smell…. someone who loves everything about you,"
"I'm never going to find that. Look at me, I've turned into…into Summer!" she pulls away from Tristan disgusted with herself. "I don't know why I did this, I guess I just wanted to know the feeling of being wanted, for having a bad rep,"
"Having a bad rep isn't all it cracks up to be," Tristan points out and she nods. "I know that. Look what happened between us!"
"Don't blame yourself for that, Mary…it was all me. It had nothing to do with you,"
"Right. I get in a coma and then you fall out of love with me Tristan. I get it,"
"No you don't. I knew somehow I was going to screw things up. It was my fault that you got into that accident, if I had called you back or explained myself better you wouldn't have wound up in that coma. I just didn't want you to go through that pain of me not calling and you driving and getting hurt. I'd just break your heart over and over again,"
"I wouldn't have cared, we'd be together but you took the easy way out…you took the screw up route out. You shouldn't have that option. We could have worked something out—," she began to cry again. "Shh…Rory I promise that everything is going to be okay, I promise," he whispers pulling her close again as she rests her head on his shoulder and falls asleep. "I'm sorry…so sorry," he whispers to the night sky and he too eventually falls asleep.
* * *
The sunlight warmed his body as his eyes fluttered open and he noticed with a jolt of realization that someone's head is leaning against his shoulder. Who was it? And then he remembered. He remembered the party, how he had seen her run out to the garden. They had finally confronted each other with the inner turmoil that had been building up for so long. He had felt good to let it all out but despite his awkwardness in having her leaning against him he couldn't help but smile. Rory…he thinks of how her confession last night had suddenly made perfect sense. Why she was dating Grant, why she had stopped her reading, even drinking coffee. With a heavy sigh he realized how much deep shit he was going to be in with Lorelai…and Farrah….Grant too. He didn't want to wake Rory up but he knew if the two of them stayed out here much longer, he'd be dead. "Rory," he whispered and she didn't stir. "Come on," he murmurs to her shaking her slightly. "What?" she mutters and he rolls his eyes even when she's getting up she's a smart ass. "You have to get up,"
"Oh god!" she shrieks suddenly getting up and realizing the consequences. Lorelai would assume she slept with Grant, the entire Chilton student population would assume she was no longer Mary as Tristan had deemed her so long ago, Grant would assume she was cheating on him, that girl Tristan had brought up from North Carolina would want to kill her, her life was screwed. She got up to leave but he stopped her. "Wait," he says softly taking her hand and spinning her around. "I don't have time," she whispers realizing the close proximity of his lips to her own. "I know you don't just listen to me,"
"Okay," she whispers inhaling the smell that is simply Tristan. "Stop pretending to be someone that everyone wants. You were, are special, I don't know how you can't see it, Ror. Stop being this Leigh person that you've become, drink coffee again, smile again, laugh with your mom again, read real books again, and most importantly be you not anyone else, you hear?" she nods tears coming to the surface of her eyes. His gaze was heart breaking and at the same time consoling. He hugged her gingerly at first and she held him with a fierce passion. "Thank you," she whispers kissing him on the corner of his mouth before running back to the house. And she leaves him staring after her like so many times before.
Rory walked through the house with disgust. The house was so dirty now; empty beer bottles lay carelessly on the floor as well as food and other unidentified objects. When she had first arrived she had been somewhat impressed at the elegance and air of sophistication of Grant's house but now it was just a pigsty. Oh well it wasn't her problem but as she came closer into the house she realized some people were sleeping on the couches and even the empty lounge chairs. She smiled slightly but continued on her way out of the house. She noticed a girl about her height sitting on one of the beige couches looking somewhat dismayed. "Can I help you?" she questions softly standing at the doorway wanting so badly to get out but her nice person in her shone through. "Have you seen Tristan?" the girl questions and Rory bites her lip. So this was the girl, the girl who Tristan had brought home to show off to his parents and to make her upset about well it worked. She smiled wryly at the thought but pushed it aside, Tristan had finally made amends with her and she had finally accepted it. "He's in the garden," she says her hand on the doorway. "Thank You…."
"Rory," she grinned widely. "Rory Gilmore,"
"Thanks Rory, I'm Farrah,"
"I know who you are," Rory says finally feeling relived to becoming herself again. "Oh. Well I should be going," Farrah walks away but Rory stops her. "Hey Farrah?" she found her voice saying. "Yeah?" the shorter girl replied. "Just take good care of him, all right?"
"I will," and with that Rory finally escaped the cruel world of what is known as Hartford, Connecticut. She was crossing the lawn her arms crossed across her chest when she spotted her mother. "I don't care how Tristan broke your heart Lorelai Leigh Gilmore," Lorelai snapped as she hopped out of the jeep. "I don't care anymore. I was worried and confused about you but I let it pass. Hoping that maybe you'd look at yourself in the mirror one day wondering why the hell you would change into someone like this. But I'm not going to sit around and watch you screw around with someone you don't love. I am many things, missy but I am not willing to do that, understand?" Rory is about to speak when Lorelai continues. "I don't give a shit about how Tristan did this to you, it's not his fault. He didn't make you change into this Leigh persona. I don't want you having sex with Grant Duke of all people Rory! He's Elizabeth's guy, you know that, I know that, everyone in Hartford knows this. You broke them up babe and I don't want to hear it…I want my best friend back!"
"Mom, it's me, I'm back. Nothing happened!" Lorelai ran to Rory and hugged her. "Thank god," she whispers holding onto Rory tight. "Can I breathe please?" Rory whispers trying to get some air into her lungs as Lorelai continues to hug her. "Sorry," Lorelai says tears running down her cheeks. "Don't cry!" Rory says and Lorelai just laughs in relief. "How could you turn into someone like this, Rory? Or is it still Leigh?"
"Rory! Rory…. don't ever call me Leigh, again mother!" the two girls giggle relived that they both are still best friends as well as mother and daughter. "Let's go home, mom," the younger Gilmore whispers. "Of course! But we have to make a stop at Luke's for some…"
"COFFEE!" Rory shrieked and Lorelai jumped up and down in excitement. "You're back. You're really back. To Luke's we go!" and the two hop into the jeep pulling out of the driveway within seconds.
* * *
With a smile on his face Tristan watched Rory and Lorelai's 'reunion' of some sorts. He was satisfied she was finally Rory again. It made him wish that she was his again, but he reminded himself that things weren't like that anymore. He had Farrah now, not Rory, but his heart belonged to one girl and one girl only, Rory Gilmore. "Hey Tristan?" someone whispers and with a sinking heart Tristan realizes it's Farrah. "Look we really need to talk,"
"That doesn't sound good," Tristan says turning around and facing the girl. "Yeah look last night…. I kind of met someone,"
"Kind of?"
"I did meet someone," Tristan looks somewhat surprised she had only been here for a few hours and she had already found someone. "I've been thinking really hard about it too. I know you're not in love with me," Tristan began to protest but Farrah ignored him. "Just listen, okay? You're in love with that Rory girl, I met her, and I like her a lot even if we only met for a minute or so. But when I saw her I knew my choice, it's not you," Tristan felt suddenly free. He smiled and hugged the girl much to her surprise. "Who's the lucky guy?"
"Kevin,"
"Kevin?" Tristan's somewhat surprised staggering backwards. Last he had checked at that Christmas party Kevin was still the big man on campus. Guess that wasn't happening anymore. "I know it's crazy. He even told me he wasn't the kind of guy to fall in love but something happened last night. I fell in love with him…and he fell in love with me. I hope you understand…"
"Hey, Farrah, it's totally fine with me. I do really love Rory,"
"I know and that's what makes you, you, Tristan. If you weren't so head over heels for that girl I don't think you'd be the Tristan I liked a lot. So thank you, for showing me that not all guys are bad," she kissed him softly on the cheek before heading back to the house and what he assumed to wake up Kevin. He stood there dumbfounded for a moment not knowing what to do but suddenly he knew exactly where he had to go. He ran for his car and fumbling for his keys his mind was racing. How in the world am I going to win her back? With a real smile in what had seemed like ages Tristan was nearly happy again, now if only he could convince his dad he deserved another chance at Chilton, everything would be perfect.
-End Chapter 10.