Disclaimer: The Lord of the Rings and all its characters and sceneries belongs to JRR Tolkien.
The fragments in italic are visions of the past or thoughts.
What words or harder gift
does the light require of me
carving from the dark
this difficult tree?
What place or farther peace
do I almost see
emerging from the night
and heart of me?
The sky whitens, goes on and on.
Fields wrinkle into rows
of cotton, go on and on.
Night like a fling of crows
disperses and is gone.
What song, what home,
what calm or one clarity
can I not quite come to,
never quite see:
this field, this sky, this tree.
Hard Night - Christian Wiman
10 – THE GREENHOUSE
"Hey, Las! Did you finally manage to paint a sun that does not look like a fried egg?"
Legolas opened his eyes. The first rays of the sun were streaming in between the branches of the tree he had been sleeping in. He blinked. It had become routine for him to sleep with his eyes closed, and even doing that, he still woke up feeling as tired as he was when he'd lowered his eyelids.
At least this time he hadn't had any bad dreams, he thought, looking at the beautiful image of the sun rising behind the Main House. He had dreamed about the past. Elrohir teasing him because he couldn't draw anything that remotely resembled the sunrise. Legolas smiled. Those were the best days of his childhood and he missed those moments even now.
His body slid through the branches until he reached the ground. Thankfully, this time he hadn't been wearing sleeping clothes, nor had he dared to search for the company of Master Oak, so, even though his sudden appearance had drawn the attention of a few passersby, soon their eyes turned toward the goals they had for that day.
He looked around, admiring those first flashes of an ordinary day in Imladris. Some elves passed him talking calmly to one another, their voices sounding as distant birds singing. Further away another group was carrying baskets of bread and fruit. More distant, near the main square, a lady-elf was sitting with her harp, probably seeking inspiration in that idyllic setting.
Legolas started on his way back to the healing house. In spite of his discussion with Thavanian the day before, he was worried about him. His friend was so anxious to go back to their land that he might try to overextend himself unnecessarily just to prove he was better. He hoped Lady Idhrenniel was attentive enough to see this.
"It's such a wonderful morning, isn't it?" one lady-elf said to another as they passed near him. Their dark hair moved gently in the morning breeze. "Look, the cherries are almost ready to be picked. They are maturing earlier this year."
"That's true," said the other one, looking at Legolas as if trying to recognize him, but then offering just a slight nod.
Legolas returned the greeting, moving his eyes to the spot they were talking about. Cherry trees were uncommon in that part of Middle-earth. Legolas had seen them only in some of Faernestal's books. When Elrond mentioned them the day before he hadn't been focused enough to remember how rare they were. Legolas approached, observing their distinct reddish brown barks and dark green foliage. They were very beautiful, standing side by side like silent sentinels on a mysterious path.
The path led to the greenhouse. He remembered Elrond's words and his instincts had him following this obscure trail. It was still very early; maybe the place would be unoccupied. Legolas walked a few meters, smelling all the different aromas of that specific region. There were different kinds of trees here, from apple trees to alders, strong beeches, tapered cedars, majestic elms. Standing together in this way, they were the most improbable of friends. Legolas passed them with silent respect, feeling their energy, and their reverence for the space they were occupying and protecting was almost palpable.
He loved them all… And he felt their love as well.
Trees… they were nature in all its magnificence.
As he continued on, he finally saw what Elrond called the "greenhouse". Elbereth, it had nothing in common with the small shed where Faernestal had his pots and cages in the cavern. Elrond's greenhouse was a building the likes of which he had never seen before. It was enormous, with roof and walls made of glass and wood, containing plants of all sizes and types. It left the archer speechless as he gazed at the huge structure. He slowed his pace, his eyes dancing over all the beautiful details of the adorned wood which held those panes.
On the other side, partly hidden by the forest around him, he found a carved door. Legolas looked through the glass beside it, trying to see if there was someone inside the greenhouse, but he didn't see anyone. He knew he shouldn't enter a place without being invited, but he could barely contain his curiosity. He held the knob thinking that if it was unlocked he would just take a quick look before returning to the healing house.
The knob turned and he found the lock was not engaged; all he heard was the welcoming sound of the door moaning faintly as it opened. Legolas immediately felt warm air coming from inside. It wasn't really hot, just a comfortable temperature, which probably was maintained as the sunshine was absorbed inside the structure, warming everything within.
Legolas entered as if it were a sacred place. Several different colors and smells met him as he continued walking down those narrow paths between the tables as if his legs had life of their own. He passed vessels and boxes, both on the tables and on the ground, where he could see plants in different stages of growth. Some of them he knew, some he was not sure of, and some he definitely had never seen before. There were labels on each of them with their formal names, a date, and one or two observations. It was the most organized place of study he had ever seen.
He kept going, and with each step he promised himself it would be the last one before leaving, yet he continued, his eyes fascinated by everything he saw. Turning down each path brought him a different emotion, but when he walked down the last one, he suddenly realized that he was not alone.
Someone was standing in front of one of the specimens, wearing what seemed to be special clothing, a long white apron and a mask. A hood covered his head and he wore white gloves.
The sight startled Legolas, making him think that he might have done something terribly wrong coming inside this place without appropriate garments. He moved quickly, starting to leave when he heard a familiar voice.
"Ainion?"
When he turned, an elf was coming toward him, pulling the mask down to his chin, confirming for Legolas what his ears had already told him. "Elladan… I am sorry. I should have not entered without being invited."
The twin smiled gently. "That is not a problem. Anyone is welcome here."
Legolas looked around, worried. "But I am not wearing any special protection. I hope I am not interfering with the progress of any of your experiments."
Elladan swept his eyes over the tables that were lined up end to end along the paths and against two of the walls, shaking his head. "If you do not touch anything or come much closer it won't matter. Some of these species are still susceptible to contact or change of temperature. Did you close the door when you entered?"
"I did," Legolas answered promptly. "I noticed the temperature is different here. It is because of the glass, isn't it?"
"Yes. That's part of our having greater control over the growing environment of the plants. Here we control levels of temperature, light and shade, irrigation…"
Legolas was observing everything while listening. He was incredibly curious. "It seems perfect. As a world where nothing can go wrong…"
Elladan's smile widened and he sighed with those words. "Almost nothing…" he said. "It is hard to not commit any mistakes. We are still imperfect beings..."
Legolas smiled back, lowering his head. "Like entering a place without being invited."
"As I told you, that is no problem," he said, walking toward another box and looking at the tiny plant inside it. He carried a drawing board where he was taking notes of some details. Legolas looked at a special instrument he had in his hand.
Noticing Legolas' curiosity, Elladan extended the instrument toward him. "What is it?" Legolas asked, puzzled, but then he took it, looking at it carefully. "Do you write with this?"
"Yes." Elladan moved to another box.
"But where is the ink?"
"Inside it," the twin said without looking at him. His attention was on another small plant he was analyzing closely. "It is an invention Elrohir bartered for with a merchant of the East. To him it was the best thing he bought. The last time I'd seen him that excited was when Glorfindel gave us our swords. He could draw the entire city without having to take the ink vessel with him. Soon he learned how to reproduce the invention for us all."
Legolas raised both eyebrows, looking at the instrument with admiration. "What do you call it?"
"A pen…" Elladan shrugged, then smiled. "If it does the same thing, why would you change the name?"
Legolas chuckled, then returned the pen to its owner.
Instead of taking it, however, Elladan gave him the board he'd been writing on. "If you help me, I'll give you a pen like this one. What do you think?"
Legolas took the board without being able to disguise his enthusiasm. "Helping you here would be a great gift. You need not offer me anything in return."
Elladan's face mirrored the same satisfaction. "You are a gentle soul, Ainion. It would be nice having more people like you here in Rivendell," he said.
"What would you like me to do?" he asked, but the twin was kneeling now, looking at the next little plant with dismay.
"Just take notes for me, please…"
Legolas knelt beside him, looking at the specimen that seemed to worry the twin.
"I don't know what is wrong…" Elladan's voice was concerned, and he was speaking as if talking to himself. "It has been a long time since we have been able to grow these…"
Legolas studied the stalk, which had only two leaves, but Elladan continued to focus on what he was trying to understand.
"It is a wonderful plant…" he said, dropping his shoulders sadly. "We use its flowers for pain and swelling when nothing else seems to work." His brow furled as he considered his options. "Its seeds remain dormant for so long that they almost always die before they are gifted with life, so it is very rare... I've tried different things in the growing of this plant, but I've been unsuccessful so far. My father told me it needed a more humid environment… but I think it needs something else…"
"It needs light…" Legolas said with still attentive eyes.
Elladan frowned, raising his head to look around them. They were beneath two big windows. "It is plenty clear here. This little one likes light but not very much… If I put it outside, I am going to lose it as has happened before…
"You could move it against the far wall. The light is a little stronger there, but not so strong that it could harm the plant."
Elladan frowned deeply then. He stood up; looking at the place Legolas had mentioned. "Do you think that will work?"
"It will…" Legolas said, already holding one of the handles. Soon Elladan did the same and they moved the box to a cleared place on the other side of the greenhouse. When they put it on the ground, Legolas knelt in front of it again. He didn't say a thing, but the small smile that moved the corners of his lips gave Elladan a strange impression.
"Can you talk to them?" he asked, crouching beside him, and when the archer looked at him, he felt like explaining his question. "I know Silvan elves can talk to the trees. I've seen them doing that in my grandparents' land. But I've never thought about the possibility of talking to the small plants…"
Legolas looked at the box again, feeling the sunrays already having the effect he knew they would. Explaining the sensation Elladan was asking about was as hard as explaining feelings of love or hate.
"I don't know about other Silvan elves… But I don't talk to the trees… I listen when they have something to tell me… And it is the same with the small ones, to tell you the truth. I don't think talk would be the right word to describe this, though."
Elladan listened attentively, but when Legolas' explanation ended, the twin lowered his head, and a strange sadness darkened his face.
"What's wrong?" Legolas asked with worry.
"Someone… told me something like that long ago. But he was just a child. I found it very difficult to believe then…"
"Maybe you should ask Elrohir, Las. Surely he will have the right words."
The elfling looked down at his friend beneath him, stared at him for a moment, then shook his head gently in a slight negative.
Elladan sighed, his eyes on the yellow Ipe tree in which the little prince was perched. The garden inside the cave was already in and of itself a heartwarming sight, but when the golden prince stood on one of the branches of his mother's tree for support, life seemed to have another meaning. Seeing him there, balancing on his little feet like a bird preparing to fly, brought the twin a strange feeling of transience. Elves, immortal as they were, did not feel the passage of time, but in the elfling's company, life seemed simple and fragile for the always so secure Elladan.
"Ro can make you a drawing of it," the twin proposed then.
"That would be nice," the elfling said, though he showed little excitement. "But I really wanted you to explain it to me."
"Las, I do not know what to tell you. I'm not very observant."
"Tell me what you remember."
"But why? You see it more often than I, and your Silvan eyes give to it, for sure, much more credit than my hard Noldor heart."
"Your heart is not hard, Dan," Legolas said, completely opposed to that idea, pouting indignantly, which stole a quick smile from his friend of Imladris.
"You think that way because you have kind Silvan eyes," Elladan replied with a warm smile, and Legolas smiled as well, reaching out to his friend. The twin returned the gesture, holding the elfling in his arms and keeping him there for a few moments before putting him on the ground.
"Tell me, Dan," he insisted again.
"Las ..." Elladan knelt before the small child, so they could look into each other's eyes. "Your naneth said they took you recently to see it, is that not true?"
"It is... Ada took a lot of soldiers with us," the elfling replied, not looking very pleased with the memory he had.
Elladan let out a brief sigh of understanding, then looked at his little friend fondly.
"He cares about you, tithen pen."
"Yes... I know…" Legolas looked embarrassed. "He's good ... my ada ..."
"He loves you very much, that's why he worries," Elladan said, unsure why he did so. He felt something hidden in what he was hearing that was not exactly fitting an occasion that had been so long awaited. Going out with his father should have awakened something more in the elfling's heart. "He abandoned his duties just to go with you to the forest, to show you what you wanted to see. You told me he was the only one who had not done it yet. Now he has. He acted as your friends' fathers have, didn't he?"
The prince did not answer, he just lowered his head in another brief nod of agreement, only this time it seemed even less convincing than before. Elladan frowned, decidedly displeased with the whole situation and the feeling it aroused in him.
"Tell me how it is, Dan..." Legolas insisted, without even looking up. He was focused now on the foot he was shyly dragging across the ground, pretending to be attentive to the sound of the dry leaves that lay there. Elladan inhaled deeply.
"How about you tell me?" he proposed. "You made the visit you had desired for many years. How do you like your forest?"
Legolas pressed his lips together. "The forest is not mine." The answer was so categorical that it surprised the elf of Rivendell. "It has no owner...," Legolas added, in a less decisive tone, but when he raised his face, Elladan did not like what he saw in the elfling's eyes. "Does it, Dan?"
The twin fondly held the elfling by the shoulders. "No... It does not..." he replied, unsure of the meaning behind those words. "It's just an expression. A forest doesn't truly belong to anyone."
Legolas sighed slowly, and Elladan frowned, noticing in that act an inexplicable gesture of relief. He was frustrated at the conflicting feelings this discussion was causing in him.
"So..." He smiled as he picked up their conversation again. "Did you like what you saw, Las?"
Legolas lowered his head, then his eyes slowly wandered fearfully around him, as if suddenly the trees and garden plants might be hiding foreign enemies. Elladan was surprised by the attitude, but when the elfling fixed his very blue eyes on him, the twin felt strangely unable to question the child about what was bothering him.
"The forest..." Legolas began, but his voice grew fainter right at the end of the essential word.
"What about it, Las?" Elladan asked, intrigued. "Did you not like what you saw? Did you not find it beautiful?"
The elfling swallowed hard. "It… It talks to me," he said insecurely.
It took Elladan a few moments before he understood the meaning of the words the child said. The twin then smiled kindly.
"It's because you're a Silvan elf, Las. Half Silvan. Remember, your mother told us that you fully inherited your ancestors' natural skills. Trees and forest creatures surely love you and want to communicate with you as soon and they see you. Was it not like this?"
Legolas briefly nodded in response, but his body was stiff and tense, and Elladan did not understand why.
"Have you never heard it, Dan?"
"Heard what, Las?"
"The Forest."
Elladan breathed deeply. "I've heard its sounds… the birds and other animals… the wind moving the leaves…"
Legolas pressed his lips together. "Has it never talked to you?"
Elladan sighed. "No, Las. I ..."
"Are you sure?"
Elladan was annoyed with himself. It was not easy to admit to this elfling, who regarded him as a hero, that he was incapable of anything.
"Las." He couldn't keep himself from feeling a little embarrassed. "Maybe I did not learn this lesson in the past; I was never very good in the study of ancient languages," he joked.
Legolas smiled sadly, but said nothing.
"Are you disappointed in me, tithen pen?" Elladan asked.
Legolas shook his head without much effort, and Elladan didn't like the impression that response gave him, but Legolas' next sentence surprised him even more.
"You only need to pay attention, Dan. The forest likes you and it is always trying to tell you that. It has a lot of good things to tell you."
Elladan smiled, touched by his little friend's thought and the beautiful image that was created in his mind as a result. It was good for Legolas to be a child and feed all those beliefs, to believe in another person's potential.
"I am glad to hear it, Las," he said. "Maybe you wouldn't mind being my translator. The trees could tell you what they want me to know and you could tell me what they said later. What do you think?"
Legolas frowned with incomprehension for a moment, then laughed as if, after getting the meaning of those words, he had considered it a completely absurd idea.
"Why do you not try to listen, Dan? Just once?" he proposed.
The twin let out a weak laugh in response, rubbing his neck in embarrassment as he thought about how he could avoid this without disappointing his little friend.
'Las, I consider myself a Noldor, with a little mixture of cultures just like you have," he joked and was satisfied by at least stealing another laugh from the child. "And you know how Noldor elves are. We have our minds and hearts focused on other things… We are not capable of the feats the Silvan elves are and ..."
Legolas listened carefully, keeping the corners of his lips raised in a small smile that Elladan could not remember having seen in the past. Before the dark-haired elf could finish his explanation, the prince's small hands took his and placed them onto the tree that was behind them.
Elladan tried to think of a way to avoid the situation, but Legolas' tiny hands on his against the trunk of the tree brought to him a feeling very different from anything he'd felt before. It was quick, unexpected, and unforgettable.
Suddenly everything was clear and warm, like a spring day. His ears were flooded with a symphony of birds and, in seconds, basic issues such as balance, wakefulness, fears, hopes and actions suddenly became meaningless. Problems and worries seemed silly and small, and the world, sometimes wide and oppressive, became simple and comfortable.
Ah, fair and kind Yavanna, was this then the way the Silvan people felt the world? Was this the communication he had learned about in various places and books?
However, the greatest experience was yet to come. When Elladan, finally free of the initial disbelief and the astonishment that followed it, allowed himself to simply relax and react to what he was feeling, other sensations slowly started emerging.
And he felt them all ... The course of the world, the great cycle of nature, the paths of history, purposes and reasons. Great circles of color and music, aromas and flavors. There weren't, in fact, any concrete forms, not anything that could be reported later. Even so, he felt that such revelations created roots in his mind, created links, were stored in exact amounts, like answers that would be necessary one day, and that seemed to relate to what he most loved to do.
"Nature likes you, Dan," the elfling's voice said, sounding in his mind, and Elladan found himself wishing to have the capacity to feel these things on his own; he wanted, from time to time, to be able to cling to those certainties, to see himself through those enchanted beings. For the first time he wished he didn't have his heavy Noldor heart, the hard heart of an uncompromising, intolerant people. He wished for the love of what was fleeting, the love that lived in Silvan hearts that moved them to fight bravely, that moved them to deviate from shorter paths only to preserve something they could lose tomorrow.
He wanted to be a Silvan elf and have that simple sense of existence in his heart.
The images were mixed then, forming a whole that seemed to reflect the beginning of everything. Elladan felt trapped in that whirlwind, spinning as part of that world, earning his essential space. It was a feeling of indescribable pleasure, in which he would stay eternally wrapped if he were so allowed.
Then something startled him, and he opened his eyes quickly. A huge ant was crawling over on one of his hands, overcoming the obstacle to achieving its way to the top of the tree. Elladan frowned, following the creature's path a little absently. His eyes then met another view, even more significant than the first one. Legolas was again up in the tree, this time on one of the highest branches. The elfling looked at him from there and smiled down at him, with the same childlike smile that makes any adult think about what they are doing in this world. Elladan was intrigued at first, then he lowered his eyes to his own hands, still in place on the trunk of the tree with the yellow flowers.
"I ..." he said, confused.
Legolas studied Elladan's face. "What is it, Dan?" he asked in a somewhat worried tone. "Didn't you like what it told you?"
Elladan was stunned for a few moments, his eyes roaming the distance between the golden prince and his hands still there on the trunk. This was not possible.
"Las ..." he said, rising and wondering why his legs felt numb. "Come here, please," he said, raising his arms toward the elfling. Legolas answered the call, sliding back down with skill through the branches and letting Elladan help him to end his path to the ground. Once standing, the elfling met his friend's stunned gaze.
"Are you angry?" the small child asked.
"Angry? No ... I am not ..."
"We were supposed to see the sunset ..." the elfling said, afraid.
"The sunset?" Elladan asked, trying to focus on what his friend was saying now, but failing. He was still dealing with the confusion of the experience he'd just had.
"I said I'd show it to you through the big crack in the cave, do you remember? The one that has very skinny trees on the other side of it, and the light passes through them and the color is different when the sun goes to sleep," he explained. "But you and my naneth's tree continued talking, so we are late. Nana said it's not polite to interrupt adults' conversation... We can see the sun go to sleep tomorrow. Then Ro can be there, too. Do you think Ro will want to see ada's soldiers' training tomorrow as well?"
Elladan tried to listen to what the prince was telling him, but the natural tone the child was using made the dark-haired elf lose his focus again. His mind wandered from the elfling's words as he tried to unravel this incredible experience.
"You're angry because I told you to listen to naneth's tree and so we missed the sunset…"
"I ... I'm not angry," Elladan replied. Then he shook his head, trying to make the feelings from what he'd just experienced abandon him for a while. "Las," he said, pulling him gently to one of the garden benches and sitting beside him. "Anyone can hear the trees, then … Is that what you wanted to tell me before? A Silvan elf just needs to open the channel of communication and anyone can hear them?"
It was the elfling's turn to frown. "A channel of communication? What does that mean, Dan?" He cocked his head to the left and right several times, while his friend sought the right words to express himself.
"Las. You told me to listen to the trees, did you not?" he asked, getting a faint positive nod in response. "That's what I mean. A Silvan elf only has to show someone else how to do it, and then any elf can talk to them?"
Legolas pursed his lips thoughtfully. "I think so," he said. "I do not really know ... I just made you put your hands on the tree..."
"You did not only do that, Las…," Elladan said, finding himself disagreeing with more emphasis than would be strictly required.
"What did I do?" Legolas asked, his golden eyebrows curved downward over stormy blue eyes.
"You put your hands over mine and opened the channel for me. You made me see and understand what Nature wanted to show me ..."
The elfling's face formed a grimace of doubt that Elladan would never forget. "I did not do that ..." he finally said.
"Of course you did, Las. How else would I have been able to communicate if I had been incapable of doing this before, tithen-pen?"
The elfling frowned again, as if thinking deeply about his friend's question. Then he shrugged, with that air that children have when adults complicate things unnecessarily.
"I guess you never did because you did not want to. I do not know why ... You always know all the leaves and trees, how did you not know you could listen to them? You only had to place your hands this way?" Legolas asked, raising his little hands to show the position again.
Elladan paled, turning his eyes again to the garden tree like someone who finally woke up from a strange dream. "Las ... So ... Any elf can talk to the trees, he just has to want to?" he concluded.
"Yes. Anybody can talk to them."
Elladan lowered his face, trying to deal with the perplexity that that information aroused in him.
"They just do not talk to everybody," the elfling added absently, his attention turned now to a large moth that flew in search of the flames in one of the lanterns in the garden. With the absence of sunlight, which only seeped through the cracks in places inside the cave, the lamplight was the only interesting place for a moth to go.
"What do you mean?" the twin asked.
"They only talk to who they want to. I think they do not want to talk to everybody."
"I do not understand, Las. All the Silvan elves talk to the trees, do they not?"
"They do."
"So ..."
"But the trees do not respond to everyone."
"Why?"
"Because they do not," The elfling shrugged. "Nana said that not everyone asks a question that needs an answer, and not everyone has something they need to hear from them."
Elladan turned his intrigued gaze back to the Ipe tree. By Ilúvatar, that tree would never look the same to him again.
Legolas jumped from the bench then and ran to shoo a moth that circled the lamplight.
"Silly moth," he said, waving his arms. "The fire will burn you! Are you not seeing that it's hot in there?"
The beautiful scene put a smile on the twin's lips. He stood there, watching his little friend sigh, pleased to have been successful at saving the moth. He then raised his hand and the flying being came to land on his fingers. Legolas had something he did not know about and would never understand, but which seemed incredible to many people who knew him.
"What do the trees say to you, Las?" He finally remembered his other question, the one that started the strange conversation they'd had before. However, he almost regretted having asked it, because it stole the peace from the elfling's face and he paled visibly. Elladan stepped forward immediately, kneeling before the small child.
"What's wrong, tithen pen?"
"It's... nothing, Dan ..."
"Tell me. You suddenly became so sad."
"It's nothing."
Elladan frowned. "But they speak to you, do they not?"
"They do..."
"So why were you sad when I asked you about it? Do you dislike the conversations you have with them?"
"I like talking to them," Legolas replied, trying to move away. Elladan held him gently by the shoulders. When the elfling looked up, however, the twin was surprised.
"Las ... Why are you crying? What's wrong?"
"Nothing ... Nothing, Dan," the prince replied, wiping his eyes with the palms of his hands, but his friend was not convinced.
"Are you sad because of them?" he asked. The silence that came as a response brought the twin a nasty confirmation. "How so? Do the trees not only show people beautiful images and sensations as they did to me?"
Legolas did not answer, he just nodded.
"So ..."
"They are like us ..."
"What do you mean?"
"They are afraid of things ... They are afraid, Dan ..."
"What things? Afraid of what, Las?" Elladan asked, confused. "Tell me, gwador nîn. Tell me what the trees fear."
The prince looked him in the eyes, seeming touched by the treatment he received from the elf whom he considered a great warrior. Elladan realized it, caressing the child's face with the backs of his fingers.
"Tell me, gwador nîn," he repeated, the name seeming to please his little friend. "You know Elrohir and I love you very much and we just want to see to your welfare; we just want to help."
Legolas bit the corner of his lips apprehensively and other tears started to roll down his face. Elladan took him in his arms, walking over to the bench and sitting him on his lap.
They sat there for a moment; Legolas leaned his head on Elladan's chest and seemed to have calmed down.
"I do not know what they are afraid of, Dan ..." His voice was quiet, his face still leaning against his friend's tunic. "They also do not know..."
Elladan was so concerned that he pulled the child away a few inches so he could look at him. Legolas did not meet his eyes, holding his friend's tunic with one of his hands, as if not wanting to be separated from him again.
"What happened when you visited the forest with your father, Las? What did the trees tell you?"
Legolas sighed deeply, then looked worriedly sideways, and Elladan grew apprehensive again. "You can tell me, Las. It can be our secret if you want."
"You promise?"
"Sure, tithen pen. You have my word as a warrior."
The prince checked their surroundings again, but this time the older twin decided not to interfere or rush him. He just waited.
"They... they are afraid of the dark ..." he finally revealed, his eyes still wandering over the garden as if he thought that the information revealed might bring some unexpected consequences.
"Afraid of the dark?" Elladan asked, lowering his voice so that his tone would not frighten his friend even more. Legolas nodded, biting his lower lip. "What else did they tell you? What do they think of as dark?"
"The same dark ... people see when ... when it's night ... As it is getting now that the sun is sleeping ... But without the lamps." But as Legolas tried explain, the words started coming out of his mouth with difficulty. Elladan took his hand.
"It's all right, Squirrel. We are just talking. I am here, and I will let nothing happen to you," he said, noting the child's nervousness. "What else did they say?"
"They said ... that the dark is coming and we have to help ..."
"We who?"
"My ada and I ... But I ... I do not know what to do ..."
Elladan looked thoughtful and finally asked: "Have you told your father about this?"
Legolas did not answer; he just wrapped both arms around his body and visibly shuddered as if on a winter day. This was not the first time Elladan realized how difficult it was for his friend of the forest to talk about issues related to his father, nor did it please him. It was as if the king was something the elfling was forbidden to question or comment about. That would be very strange, in most father and son relationships.
The twin was quiet for a moment, pondering what to say. Finally he exhaled until there was nothing left in his lungs and refilled them slowly, breathing deeply of the cold air of the cavern while trying to choose other paths than those that appeared to be not very effective so far.
Treating the pain, and talking about it, was not always a pleasant solution.
"I'm sure it is not anything you both will not see when the problem arises," he said, sliding his hands down his little friend's arms. Legolas looked at Elladan and his eyes seemed less sad. "You do not need to worry now, tithen pen. You and your father will know exactly what to do when the time comes."
"Do you think so, Dan?"
"Of course I do. The Forest loves you both equally. Its king and its little prince," he said, and the brilliance that comment brought to the child's eyes weakened some of Elladan's many doubts. "All the trees like you and your father, Squirrel. They know you both well. If they ask something of you, it will be possible for you to do it."
The elfling's lips rose then in a shadow of a smile that satisfied Elladan, at least for now.
"They like you too, Dan," Legolas said, repeating the sentence that, to Elladan, gained now a meaning that he would not question anymore. "They told me that in certain things only you would be able to help me. I was happy because we are friends and I know that you help me whenever I need you to, do you not, Dan?"
The twin was intrigued by that comment, but this time he tried not to let that reflect in his expression, deciding to think about that later. He was relieved to have his little friend's smile back and would do nothing to change that now.
"Yes, of course we are friends and of course I will do everything in my power and even beyond it to help you always, gwador nin," he said with a wide smile that seemed to be what was needed to finally drive off the shadow that had appeared on the child's face. Legolas immediately rejoiced and hugged him tightly, making the older twin cringe. He was touched, but also troubled by the meaning of the child's words.
Legolas blinked. Visions of the past were not common for him, especially those of events that involved people around him. This one had been very uncommon. So perfectly full of details. It seemed to him that he had shared a memory with Elladan, a vision of something that happened long before. This was the strangest thing that had ever happened to him.
Legolas noticed that Elladan had closed his eyes and placed a hand on one of the tables as if looking for a support. He grabbed one of the twin's arms immediately.
"Are you all right?"
"Yes…" Elladan seemed dizzy, he did not even raise his eyes as he took one of his gloves off to rub his forehead.
Legolas was not convinced; he kept hold of Elladan until the twin looked at him. He was pale and cold; the smile he offered did not convey what the twin probably hoped it had.
"Would you like to sit?" Legolas held both of his arms now.
"No, I am all right," Elladan said, but closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he looked around as if to see if he might find the answer for the bad sensation somewhere near him. "I think it is the temperature inside here. My father always tells me not to stay in here for too long, but I keep forgetting the time when I am with these little friends of mine." He smiled slightly, visibly embarrassed for the weakness he was showing. He moved away, walking slowly toward the door that led outside.
Legolas followed him, still trying to understand the experience he'd had. He, as well, was feeling a bit out of balance, as if he had run many miles. It was the same sensation he had after one of his terrible visions, but this time the feeling was somewhat different. Part of him was glad for the opportunity of living that experience again and, better than that, for seeing it from Elladan's point of view. It was a bittersweet sensation, because he also felt as if he had been somewhere he hadn't belonged and had stolen something very important from someone. He wondered if Elladan had noticed what had happened to him, to them; he did not seem to.
When they finally got out of the greenhouse, the color started returning to the twin's face. Elladan took off his outer garments and put them inside a small cabinet just outside the door. He sat on a fallen tree trunk near the greenhouse that had been left on the ground for time enough that it now resembled a bench.
"Are you sure you are all right?" Legolas asked as he slowly approached.
"I'm sure. It was just too hot or humid in there, I suppose. I will ask someone to check the temperature later. Some of our green friends may feel as bad as I do," Elladan said, forcing himself to look unconcerned. Despite his grayish eyes being focused on the greenhouse windows, his thoughts seemed far from there.
Legolas cautiously took one step more and stood near, not knowing what to do. How different it was seeing an experience you'd had in the past through another person's eyes. He remembered that day in great detail, but in his heart, he had never thought about how Elladan had felt then. Now the entire experience was very different to him.
Legolas lowered his eyes, holding the feeling of being loved as a child in his heart. It was a good feeling, knowing that everything you had believed about someone was true, as you had thought all along. Despite what his friends told him when the twins did not come the year after his mother's death, he was always sure about their affection, about their love, and that scene he'd been forced to live again was the most important confirmation of anything he'd ever had.
The entire vision had been affirming, but very risky for him, and Legolas concluded it was time for him to leave. The confirmation he had in that shared vision made everything worse. It was becoming almost impossible to continue lying.
He looked at the twin again, searching for any sign of illness or discomfort, but Elladan seemed better; a bit tired, but better.
"Do you need any help, Elladan?" he asked, preparing his way to leave, as politely as possible. "I must go, but I can call someone to help you if you need me to."
The twin raised his eyes and Legolas noticed the sadness he was trying to hide. It occurred to him then that Elladan was still thinking about the scene of the past their conversation had led him to see. What he'd thought of as just a memory seemed to be much more to Elladan. The twin's sad eyes seemed to Legolas as if Elladan were still there, in the cavern, having that sad conversation with a child who was afraid of the world.
"You have already helped me very much, Ainion," Elladan said.
His answer finally brought Legolas back, but threw him into even greater feelings of doubt. The elder twin's words always seemed to have more than one meaning; he needed to pay attention. But this time he wondered if Elladan was meaning exactly what he'd said.
But he knew he was not. That's why he could not leave. He had to confirm his friend's condition.
"May I?" he asked, and after the dark-haired elf's slight nod, Legolas sat by his side, seeing the same thing that Elladan had been looking at. The glass of the greenhouse reflected the trees behind them as perfect mirrors. "I love the colors of this place."
Elladan closed his eyes with a small smile. "Me too…" he said, taking a deep breath. "And the sounds of it…"
Legolas was still so immersed in the feelings the vision had left in him that he'd found a distinct meaning in Elladan's answer. He suddenly looked at the twin. "Do you listen to them?"
Elladan lowered his eyes, bowing his head before he answered. "To who?"
"To the trees…"
The twin dropped his shoulders. "No," he sighed. "Despite the fact that someone promised me he had nothing to do with it, I still think I need his help to accomplish that…"
Legolas gazed toward the ground at their feet. Yes, Elladan was still caught up in the vision, as he was. He thought about what happened long ago from the twin's point of view. He had shared Elladan's memories, so he could understand the twin's astonishment and also the empty feeling that remained after everything was finished.
"There was a tree inside the Queen's garden…" Elladan said, as if he were walking peacefully by Legolas' side, following his thoughts.
"Yes…" Legolas raised his eyes to him, afraid of what the next question would be. He would prefer not having to answer it.
"Is it still there?"
Legolas took a deep breath. His mother's yellow Ipe tree. It bloomed during the same season each year, and as the flowers fell, they covered the garden with a yellow carpet, its aroma unforgettable. His mother's tree had given the dark-haired elf from Imladris a singular experience. It was a powerful being. It had resisted for a long time, even before Elvéwen's death, and it had been more than a friend to him, until even it succumbed to the darkness that devastated his forest. His father hadn't allowed anyone to touch the dry and lifeless trunk. He respectfully took the tree from the garden with his own hands and, alone, had burned it in the fireplace in his rooms. From that night and throughout that entire week, nobody saw the king, not even him.
He knew he could not give an answer to his friend, but he was not prepared to lie about something as important as the loss of the last remembrance he had of his mother.
"Does your sad face indicate what I think it does?" He felt Elladan's hand on his knee, and when he looked at him, he realized that the clever twin already had his answer. More than that, he was sharing with him the same feeling of loss.
"It was the Queen's tree…" he said, exposing one of his deepest wounds and knowing the risk he was taking. Nevertheless, when Elladan solemnly murmured I am very sorry, mellon nîn and rested his strong hand on his shoulder, he did not regret a word of what he'd said to his friend. Ilúvatar, how long he'd waited for Elladan to give him his support. It would be risky to show how happy it made him, but even if it was apparent, it would be worth the risk. They stayed quiet for some time, listening to the different sounds of nature around them. Birds were singing, the wind was rustling the leaves and in the distance, the river made its strong way over rocks and through trees.
Legolas sighed, and at that moment, he missed his land as he never thought he would miss it in his life. He did not miss it because he was away from it. He missed it because of what had happened to it.
"You remind me of him…" he heard Elladan say, and when he turned toward the twin, he was staring at him.
"Of… whom?" Legolas dared to ask.
"Your prince… You remind me of Legolas. I like to think he is like you; that he has your qualities."
Legolas parted his lips. He didn't know if it was because of Elladan's serene tone or because of the warm feeling that came to him, but that revelation did not bring the feeling of peril he should be experiencing. On the contrary, feelings of acceptance, of love came to his heart. Legolas allowed himself to be filled with them, until something else came to mind that worried him so much he thought he would pass out.
"And if it happens? Have you thought about that? Have you thought about how they would feel if they knew you lied to them? You hid yourself behind your dead friend's name?"
Thavanian's words made him close his eyes, filling him with cold dread. He stood up quickly.
"I must go… I am sorry… My captain is waiting for me… I just remembered that he allowed me to sleep outside only with my promise of returning as soon as the sun rose. I really must go. Forgive me."
"Ainion…" Elladan stood up and when Legolas turned to him, he noticed he had already walked a good distance away, leaving the twin behind, standing there like a statue. "Forgive me if I offended you by comparing you with your prince. That was not my intention."
"You did not offend me…" Legolas stammered, seeing the twin come in his direction without knowing what to do. "The comparison flatters me. Thank you for that, Elladan."
"It should flatter him," Elladan said, his smile sad again. "You really have good qualities, mellon nîn. Good qualities I also saw in your prince when he was a child and that I hope he still has."
Legolas lowered his eyes. "Sometimes looks deceive…" he said, his voice quiet as a whisper.
Elladan let out a tired sigh. "Which qualities do you think are not there, Ainion? The ones I saw in your prince or those I see in you?"
Legolas scanned the landscape behind his old friend, the truth scratching his throat. "I… I prefer to not talk about this anymore, Elladan…" He dropped his eyes again.
Elladan just nodded, looking at him attentively. "As you wish…" he said.
Legolas had the sensation the twin was doing what he did best, giving up the path taken, but not the place he wanted to go. Sometimes he was more afraid of the peaceful Elladan than the fearless and determined Elrohir.
"I am really sorry for upsetting you. We were having a nice talk inside the greenhouse. I really wish you did not have to go."
"I am not going because of what you said… I just… I have to…"
"I understand. I would go with you, if I were not late for practice. As it stands now, Glorfindel will probably pull my ear."
"Practice?"
"Yes. When we are here, we practice at the training camp as we did in old times. Glorfindel likes seeing if we are keeping our skills sharp," Elladan explained, moving his head to show the direction he would take, which was the opposite way Legolas was going to go. "It is a pity you have no time to come with me."
"Would I even be allowed?" he asked before he had time to stop himself, but the sudden thought of dealing with the warrior from Gondolin brought him to his senses. If talking to Elladan were a risk, how would it be meeting Glorfindel again? "I… I don't have my weapons with me…" he said, feeling sorry for having to avoid an experience he would love to have.
"Me neither," Elladan said, raising his empty hands. "We don't use them during this kind of training anymore. Glorfindel said that patrols keep us too alert to use real blades. And he is right. Sometimes, even being at our familiar training field, some of us forget our friends are not orcs, and we end up doing things we regret. Imagine what would happen if we were armed with our own sharp swords."
Legolas raised his eyebrows. "Do you train with blunt weapons?"
Elladan laughed. "We do. Sometimes, to punish one of us, Glorfindel makes whomever he's angry with use one of the old heavy wooden swords of our youth. Elrohir has had to do that many times."
"Really?"
"He forgets we are training. He cannot shut the world out even here. He always takes everything to fire and sword."
Legolas sighed. That is what he admired most in the younger twin. Hearing that Elrohir had been punished this way did not disappoint him, since Elrohir never ceased being exactly who he was.
"And how does he take that?"
"I really shouldn't talk about my brother this way, Ainion, but even you must've guessed this about him."
When Legolas didn't answer, but was obviously waiting for an explanation, Elladan said, "When he decides to do something… It does not matter which kind of tool he has to use. He does it better than anyone."
Legolas smiled, shaking his head. Elrohir had been Legolas' first hero, after his father, though the twin had never trained with the king's soldiers, so he never had the opportunity to see him as a warrior. Recently Legolas had the chance to confirm all his theories about his childhood friend, not by just seeing him in action when fighting, but by actually drawing swords with him. That's why he believed everything Elladan was telling him. Yes, Elrohir was one of the best warriors he had seen in his life, and, risky or not, he would love to see him training.
"Are you sure you would not like to come with me?" Elladan asked, placing a hand on Legolas' shoulder. "I can send your captain a message informing him where you are as I did before."
Legolas looked at him and Elladan seemed to have interpreted his feelings as only he was able to. When he felt the twin's arm go around his shoulders he knew that, as always, Elladan had not only gotten his answer, he had achieved his goal. He was doing exactly what the twin wanted him to do, letting himself be steered in the opposite direction than the one he should go.
I am really sorry for the delay. Thanks for your patient, for your reviews and PMs. It meant a lot to me. Thanks to WoodElfJedi, guest, youmeandlokid, Robyn Flynn, Baggers, AnonymousNightWatcher, J. Salus, Firenightshade, Firenightshade, Lilya97, SparkyTAS, DreamingIn2Eternity, nyx thranduillon, Laureiel, Sterling Greenleaf, MissKim2b, Ruby Cloud, Nocx, SindarinElf, Junebug1234, Edengwen, Krissy, Lia Whyteleafe, Schattenjagd, Pass, sokkergurl, BlackMinx17, a-mild-looking-sky, Teapot of transformation,Anon, maupe, Eirian Erisdar, HelloDenmark, SaphiralovesTolkien, Smileyfaceofevil, Karibookworm, Horsegirl01. You are wonderful people.
Thanks so much to my patient beta Puxinette! I am nothing without her. Thanks a lot, mellon nîn!