"Oh my God!" cried Lisa in disbelief. She examined the mirror from every angle her neck allowed, and saw only differing views of her bedroom without her in it.

The scream brought Homer to the doorway, followed by Marge, Bart, and even Maggie. "Lisa honey!" exclaimed Homer. "What happened?"

Lisa by now had collapsed into sobs. "That happened!" she wailed, pointing at the mirror that didn't point back.

Marge craned her neck for a look into the glass. "Okay, so you're a little paler than you were when I last saw you," she said impatiently. "Your face won't stay like that, you know."

"I'll get the thermometer," offered Homer.

"I'll get the Vaseline," offered Bart.

"I feel fine!" Lisa insisted. Are they blind? Are they stupid? Haven't they noticed that I'm not casting a reflection?

Minutes later, Marge cradled the barely-warm thermometer in her fingers. "If this thing can be trusted, you have a body temperature of 89 degrees," she told Lisa.

"89 degrees…Farenheit?" said the astounded girl.

Marge gazed solicitously at her daughter. "Maybe it's best if you stay in bed and cover up tonight. I'll ask Dr. Hibbert to come over."

"Okay, if you say so," said Lisa, dragging a quilt over her dress and necklace.

"Wait a minute," said Marge, suddenly alarmed. "Show me your teeth, Lisa. Smile for me."

She grinned as toothily as she could, straining to widen her lips.

"I think your teeth may be growing crooked again," said her blue-haired mother. "You've got one sticking out on each side. I hope this doesn't mean braces again."

Few words engendered more terror in Lisa's heart than braces. (Author's note: For the record, the only words that scare Lisa more than braces are, in no particular order, female circumcision, mastectomy, and shaving.) Once Marge had departed, she took advantage of the privacy and started to probe her teeth with her fingers. It was as she had feared—not only had her canines assumed a more prominent position in her mouth, but their points had become sharper.

"Oh, God," she cried to herself. "Oh, Jesus, Buddha, Spongebob…please let this be a dream."

I'd better call Vladimir, she resolved. Tossing the quilt away, she reached for the telephone on the nightstand to her right. Here she was greeted with another shock, as the receiver rose up from its hook and floated into her waiting hand.

"What the hell?" she blurted out. "I've got telekinesis now? What is this, Heroes?"

She dialed Vladimir's number, struggling all the while not to panic. After a few rings the boy responded, "Estragon residence."

"Vladimir!" she said frantically. "Something awful has happened! I think I'm a vampire!"

There was a brief silence. "Lisa," her boyfriend said in a cool tone, "not long ago you were begging me to make you a vampire. You practically threw yourself against my fangs."

The clouds in Lisa's mind turned to smog. "But…but…but I wasn't serious about it. I was so in love with you, I imagined how nice it would be if I were a vampire too, so we could be together for all eternity. But I'd never actually do something so crazy."

"Yes, you would, Lisa," said Vladimir matter-of-factly. "And you did."

Ice seemed to fill her throat as she spoke. "We…we did it, didn't we? We went all the way. Why don't I remember?"

"Temporary amnesia is a common side effect of vampiric transformation," Vladimir informed her.

As the leaden truth sank in, Lisa found to her surprise that the dread and horror in her heart were dissipating, giving way to serene acceptance. "Okay, so I'm a vampire," she said into the phone. "What do I do now? Is there a manual?"

"As night falls, you will be afflicted with the bloodthirst," said Vladimir helpfully. "I will visit you soon, and teach you what you must know to resist it like Angelina and I do."

"I look forward to it," said Lisa. "I mean, your visit, not the bloodthirst. See you soon, Vladimir. I love you."

"I love you too, Lisa." The young vampire folded up his cell phone as his older sister watched. "I must go now, Angelina," he said quietly. "Lisa requires my help."

"You'd better get over there," said the red-haired girl. "The bloodthirst's a real bitch for someone who never experienced it before."

To be continued