So another update in just over a week... That's not too bad, right? I'm getting better? Yes? Good, glad you agree.
ANyway, thanks for the reviews and shizzle. Also, there has been a bit of interest in House Made of Paper lately... And I've got to be honest and say I have no idea when I'll get to finish that one... I'm finding it hard to write and really only have time to write one story at a time. And since this one is more popular, and I find it easier to write, I guess I'm gonna keep going with this one. I still do hope that one day I will finish HMoP.
Also... Now that gen 3 skins is out, is everyone going to start writing about them? Or will people still stick with Emily and Naomi and their fellow gen 2-ers?
Anyway, this one is a bit long.. But I hope you enjoy it... It's a bit of a filler, just setting up for the next few chapters...
Chapter 9
"Hey. Where's Emily?" Naomi asked as she walked in to the kitchen, rubbing her bloodshot eyes.
"She left already." Cook mumbled between mouthfuls of cereal.
"For work? She'll be the only one there." Naomi said, glancing at the clock on the wall to see that it was only 7am.
"Nah, she said she was going to spend some time with Katie. Said she might go to work for the afternoon but not sure."
"Oh." Naomi said, curious as to why Emily would be skiving off work. "Did she say why she's going to Katie's?"
"Said she needs to talk to her about something. Sister stuff." Cook said, placing his empty bowl in the sink. "Anyway, I'm off. Back to the Fitch's today. Rob keeps distracting my workers by telling them that they'd be able to dig faster if they went to his gym and 'got Fitch'. Knowing Jenna, she'll make me stay for dinner so you and Emily ought to go out or something. Have some fun."
Emily knocked on the front door of Katie's house and waited for her sister to open the door.
"Ems! What are you doing here?" Katie asked, opening the door wide so that Emily could come inside.
"Just thought I'd come and visit my sister." Emily said, stepping inside and closing the door behind her.
Katie raised an eyebrow at her suspiciously.
"I need to talk to you about something." Emily admitted.
"Okay. Well I'm just getting Zack ready for school. I'll be leaving to take him in 20 minutes. You can stay here with Mia if you like and then when I get back we can talk."
"Okay, thanks."
"I've just got to finish packing Zack's lunch. The kettle's boiled if you want to make yourself a coffee." Katie said, leading Emily through to the kitchen of their cozy house.
"Where are the kids?"
"Zack's in his room getting dressed and Mia is still asleep. I was going to have to wake her up for when we left for school, but if you're here she can stay asleep."
Emily took a seat at the breakfast bar as Katie set to work making a sandwich for Zack's lunch. "Where's Ben?"
"He already left for work. Trying to get some extra hours in. Make up a bit of time so that he can take a couple of days off when the baby is born."
"Good idea. How are you guys going?"
"We're fine. You know us; we get by. Now stop trying to focus on me and tell me what's going on with you. It's not often that you skive off work to come and talk to you darling sister."
"Meh." Emily shrugged. "Just got a lot going on. Needed someone to talk to."
"And Cook didn't cut it?"
"It's not something I can really talk to Cook about."
"Why not?"
Emily paused for a moment, trying to figure out how to say it. "It's about… Last night I… Me an-"
"Aunty Emily!"
"Zack-attack!" Emily stood up from her stool and crouched down to give her nephew a big hug. Standing to her feet again, she placed a hand in the top of Zack's head and moved it across so that it was against her stomach. "Is it possible for you to have grown just in the last week since I saw you?"
"Yep. Mummy says I'm having a growth squirt."
"It's called a growth spurt, sweetie." Katie told her son with a smile on her face. "And here's your lunchbox. Go put it is straight in your bag so you don't forget it again."
Zack ran off to the corner of the room and put his lunchbox in his bag. He gathered a few books and placed them in the bag as well. Then pulled out a screwed up charcoal gray woollen jumper and pulled it over his head.
"Zack, what have I told you about not leaving your school jumper in your bag overnight?" Katie said, hands on her hips.
"That I shouldn't do it." Zack said quietly, clearly aware that he had done the wrong thing.
"Exactly. Now it's all screwed up and it's going to take me ages to get the creases out."
"Sorry Mummy. I just forgot yesterday." Zack said, walking over to his mother and resting against her pregnant belly. Katie wrapped her arms around her son.
"That's okay, buddy. Just try to remember to take it out other days, yeah?"
"I will Mum."
"Good boy. Have you packed something for show and tell?"
"Yep! I got my new Buzz Lightyear!"
"Good. Just be careful with it and make sure you don't take it in the sandpit or it will get broken. You ready to go?"
"Yep."
Zack put his bag on his back, kissed Emily goodbye and ran to the front door.
"I'll be back in about 20 minutes or half an hour. If Mia wakes up just go in and… Well you know the drill. Help yourself to anything you want, or turn the TV on or whatever. Just make yourself at home." Katie said, following Zack to the door.
Emily stayed sitting on her stool for a few minutes, thinking over the events of last night for the hundredth time. She had hardly slept the night before. When her and Naomi got home, Cook had already gone to bed. She joined him and allowed Cook to cuddle up to her, but it didn't feel the same as it normally did. It did make her feel close to him like it normally did. Physically they were close, but emotionally she had never felt so distant from him. Riddled with guilt, she lay awake for most of the night, thinking things over and trying to figure out what to do.
Now that she had realised it, she could not deny that she had feelings for Naomi. But she still had feelings for Cook, too. She loved Cook, more than anything. They had been together since they were teenagers. They knew every single thing about each other.
She knew what his favourite song was, but that his favourite song was not by his favourite musician. She knew that his Mum had forced him to play rugby as a boy, even though he hated rugby and loved cricket and football. She knew that his Mum kicked him out of home when he was 16. And she knew why he had been kicked out. She knew that even though he acted like he didn't give a toss about most things, his friends and family was the most important thing in the world to him. She knew that he could play the piano, and was an extremely talented singer, even though he rarely played for anyone but her. She knew that he got his nipple pierced when he was 18, but then took it out two weeks later when he decided he didn't like it. She knew how many girls he had slept with. She knew he had a little crush on Effy when they first met, but never did anything about it because he was too in love Emily. She knew that his favourite food was Indian and that his favourite colour was green. She knew that his favourite movie was Chicago, even though he would never admit that to anyone but her.
She contemplated all this as she watched him sleep, tracing his tattoos lightly with her finger. She was the only person who knew exactly how many tattoos he had. He had a big cross on his ribs, 'jack the lad' written on his shoulder. On the inside of his bicep he had some song lyrics. A smile spread across her face as she remembered the time a drunk Cook had decided he was going to get a tattoo of someone giving him head on his cock until Emily and JJ had managed to talk him out of it.
Cook rolled over slightly and Emily spotted her favourite tattoo if his. The one that only a few people knew he had. On his other shoulder, in tiny script, was the word Emily. He had got it one week when Emily was away on business and didn't tell her about it. She hadn't known about it until she got back and found it when they went to bed that night. She traced the small letters with her finger, leaning over and placing a gentle kiss on naked shoulder.
She got up early in the morning, took a long shower and messaged JJ to say that she wouldn't be in to work that morning. She went downstairs, had a cup of coffee and was ready to leave by 6:30. Knowing that that was too early to go to Katie's, she sat with Cook in the kitchen, working her way through two more coffees, before kissing him goodbye before Naomi could wake up.
The sounds of Mia calling out distracted her from her thoughts and she left the kitchen and walked through to Mia's room, glad to have something to do. She lifted a sleepy Mia from her bed and changed her nappy, before getting her dressed and taking her to the kitchen. She fixed Mia some breakfast and made another cup of coffee for herself and sat at the table with Mia as she ate. She smiled at her niece, as Mia told her a story about something that had happened yesterday, using half real words, half baby sounds. Mia cracked up laughing at the end of her story, obviously finding whatever she said funny. Emily laughed along, thinking how adorable the young girl was.
Emily looked up as she heard Katie walk back in to the house.
"Wow, dressed and breakfast-ed already. You should come around more often." Katie said, noticing that Mia was all set for the day.
The two sisters sat at the table chatting and mucking around with Mia for a few minutes before Katie turned serious.
"Em, I saw Lara at the school while she was dropping off Albert. She said that if you and I wanted to spend the day together she would be more than happy to have Mia for the day."
"Oh, that's alright. You don't have to… I didn't mean that… I don't want to put you out at all."
"Emily, stop being so freakin selfless for once in your life. It's okay to ask for things once in a while. Now do you want me to take Mia to Lara's?"
Emily bit her lower lip, not wanting to tell Katie to get rid of her daughter for the day, but desperate to talk to Katie without any distractions. "That might be good, if it's not too much trouble." Emily said quietly.
"Then that's what will happen." Katie said, and then turned to her daughter. "Mia, would you like to spend the day playing with Jonah at Aunty Lara and Uncle JJ's"?
Mia nodded her head excitedly. "Okay, go and find your shoes and your jacket then come back here and I'll help you put them on." Katie told her daughter.
Mia ran off to her bedroom and Emily could hear her rummaging around for a minute before she came running back out, holding a pink jacket and the tiny little Nike sneakers Emily had bought her for her birthday. Katie helped her daughter put on the shoes and fasted the Velcro then zipped up the jacket the Mia had put on herself.
"Ems, I'll be back in like ten minutes, kay?"
"Yeah, no worries." Emily said, walking from the dining table to the sofa and sitting down.
She turned on the TV, hoping to distract herself until Katie came back. Flicking through the channels, she settled on the morning news. Before she knew it, Katie was home again and sitting next to her.
"Right, what's going on?" Katie asked, getting straight to the point.
Emily stayed silent, trying to figure out what to say.
"Ems, it's me. You don't need to pretend with me and you don't need to hide things. Just say whatever you're thinking."
"I cheated on Cook." Emily blurted out.
"What?" Katie said, stunned and clearly angry. "Ems, what the fuck?"
"Not like… anything serious… I didn't sleep with them. We just kissed once."
"Why the fuck are you going around kissing people that aren't Cook anyway? Who was it?"
Again, Emily stayed silent.
"Emily stop being a tool and just tell me who it was. I can't help you if you wont even talk to me."
Emily sighed and took a deep breath. "It was Naomi."
Katie narrowed her eyes at Emily. "Naomi? Like Naomi, Naomi?"
Emily nodded.
"Like Naomi who you were best friends with when we were kids? Who lives and works with you? Gay Naomi? That Naomi?"
"Yes, that Naomi!" Emily said. "How many Naomi's do we know?"
"Well just that one, but I had to be sure." Katie said. "Why did you kiss her? Since when have you ever been in to girls?"
"I'm not in to girls. And I don't know… We had a fight last night and then she admitted that she liked me. Then she left and I kind of realised that… Maybe I like her too… Then Effy called me to say the Naomi had gone out and gotten completely trashed and that I should go pick her up. So I went out to get her and she was fucking around with these two fuckheads and something inside me just snapped. I was watching her dance with them and kiss them and touch them and it hurt. Like somewhere inside, I was actually in pain. So I went over and broke it up and took her outside. She was completely wasted. Like, remember what Eff was like when we first met her?" Katie nodded. "She was like that. Anyway, she was feeling all sorry for herself and I admitted that I liked her. She didn't believe me so I kissed her."
"What kind of kiss?"
"What do you mean what kind of kiss? It was just a kiss."
"On the lips?"
"No, I cheated on Cook by giving her a peck on the cheek." Emily said sarcastically.
Katie rolled her eyes. "Stop being so immature, I'm just trying to get the full story."
"Sorry."
"So then what happened?"
"Well we were kissing…"
"Tongue?"
"Yeah. So we're kissing, and Effy walks out of the pub."
"Shit."
"Yeah. And we jump apart and Eff just goes back inside. And then me and Naomi left and didn't say a word to each other until we got home and I asked her not to mention it to Cook and that I needed some time to work things out."
"So how are things between you now?"
"Well it seemed okay last night. I mean it was awkward, but she seemed to understand that I need some time."
"And this morning?"
"Didn't see her. I left before she got up."
"Wow. How very grown up of you."
"Shut up. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to be in the same room as her and Cook."
"So does Cook know any of it?"
Emily shook her head. "He was in bed by the time I got home last night. Then this morning we just talked about work and I told him I was going to take the day off."
"And he was cool with that?"
"Yeah, of course he was. He's cool with whatever I want."
"He is a pretty amazing boyfriend."
Emily looked at Katie unamused. "Not helping, Kay."
"Right. Sorry. Anyway, back to the point… Do you know what you're going to do?"
"No."
"Well you love Cook, right?"
Emily nodded. "So much."
"And you like Naomi?"
Again, Emily nodded.
"Do you love her?"
Emily thought for a minute. "I love her as a friend. I don't love her in a romantic way."
"Do you think you could love her in a romantic way?"
Emily thought for a minute. "I don't know. It's kind of weird, isn't it? Thinking about a girl like that. I mean, I'm not gay. I've never liked girls before."
"It's not really that weird. Just because you've only been interested in guys in the past doesn't mean you will only ever be interested in guys. It's the person that you fall in love with, not their gender."
"I suppose. But still…"
"So…?"
"So what?"
"Do you think you could love her? In a romantic way?"
"I don't know. I suppose? It felt pretty good when we were kissing last night. And we get along so well with each other and she's good to talk to. And she's beautiful and funny and brave. She told me all the stuff that she went through when she was younger. Like everything. She said I'm the only person she has told about it. And it was horrible. I admire her so much for actually being able to get out of bed everyday and get on with life. She's had it so hard and was treated horribly, but she still sees the best in everyone. Even the people who treat her badly, she makes excuses for them. Which is kind of fucked up, but it's just part of her nature. And she's smart and great at her job. She stands up for what she believes in but doesn't force her opinions on you. And she's beautiful. When you look in her eyes it's like you can see right through to her soul. And sometimes it's horrible and you can feel the pain and sadness and all I want to do is hold her and tell that everything will be fine. But sometimes it's wonderful and you can see the happiness and the excitement. She's like a little kid discovering new things. And when she smiles it's like the whole world is a happy place. Suddenly there's no hunger and no war, no death, no poverty. No bad stuff at all. It's just Naomi and her smile."
"Jesus Christ, Ems, it sounds like you're already in love with her."
Emily thought for a moment. "I do love her. I'm not in love with her though."
"Could have fooled me."
"I'm serious. I'm not saying I could never be in love with her, but right now I'm not."
"So what are you going to do?"
"What do you mean?"
"Are you going to give it a go with her? Or are you going to stay with Cook? It's completely your choice, but I will not let you stay with Cook and have Naomi on the side. You need to choose one of them."
"I know, I could never do that. It wouldn't be fair to any of us."
Emily took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "But it's not as simple as that, is it? Being with someone…"
"Isn't it?"
"No. I could stay with Cook and be happy for the rest of my life. But I'll always wonder if maybe things could have been better with Naomi. Or I could leave Cook and try things with Naomi and end up with it not working at all and wishing I had stayed with Cook."
Katie didn't say anything while she let Emily work through everything that was going on in her head.
"I love Cook. So much. I don't think I could leave him. I know I couldn't leave him if I wasn't sure about it."
"Can you picture yourself living the rest of your life with Cook? Is he the one you want to marry and have kids with and grow old with?"
"I think so." Emily said. "But how do you ever know for sure. We've been together five years but we're both not ready to get married yet. Does that mean that we never will be? Or that we don't love each other enough? Or are we just not as mature as you and Ben? And as for children… I think I want them someday… But it's not really something I think about all the time. What was it like with you and Ben? Did you always know that he was the one you were supposed to live the rest of your life with?"
"Pretty much." Katie said. "We were only young but I knew from the start that he was different to all the other guys I had been with before. He treated me well and he loved me. From the moment I feel in love with him, all I could think about was marrying him and having kids with him and living every single moment of our lives together."
Emily sighed. "It's not like that with me and Cook. We were friends for ages before we got together. Then we were heaps casual about it for a while. Eventually we moved in together and we're pretty much like a married couple anyway, but I don't exactly dream of what our wedding would be like. I have kind of always assumed we would get married one day, but to be honest, I could kind of take it or leave it."
Katie raised an eyebrow at Emily, slightly surprised by her words.
"I don't mean I could take or leave Cook." Emily clarified. "I mean marriage. To me, it doesn't really make a difference to me whether we're married or if we just live together. Is that weird? Shouldn't I want to declare my love to him and have it legal and for the rest of our lives and all that?"
"Not necessarily." Katie said. "That's what I want, and that's what most people do, but that doesn't mean it's for everyone."
"And kids… I want kids one day, but it's not like I dream of having little Cooks running around the place. When I imagine what my kids would be like, they're just mine. I don't think of them as Cook's and mine. Just mine. Like I don't really know who the father would be."
"Do you not want Cook to be the father?"
"No, I do. I mean, if we wanted kids together I know that Cook would make a great dad. But it's like you said, when you were going out with Ben you knew that you wanted to marry him and have kids with him and grow old with him. It's not like that with me and Cook. I'm not saying it couldn't be, or that I wouldn't be happy if it did happen, but we just kind live in the moment. Whatever happens happens. We don't plan ahead, we just let things go along and deal with whatever comes our way."
"Well what about Naomi?" Katie asked. "Can you picture all that kind of stuff with her?"
"Well I don't know. I mean, it's automatically completely different with a girl, isn't it? I can't marry her, we can only have a civil partnership, which I realise is pretty much the same as marriage, but it's not really a marriage, is it?"
Katie shrugged. "Technically it's not, but it's still a promise between you to love each other forever."
"Yeah, I guess. And kids. We can't just have kids. I know there are other ways, but they wouldn't really be ours. They'd be either hers or mine or adopted. But they couldn't be both of ours. I'm not sure how I feel about that."
"I think when the time came you'd love any kid just as if they were your own. Just because they may not share your DNA doesn't mean they aren't your real children. Being a parent is about loving them and taking care of them, not having sex and getting pregnant and giving birth and creating a little human that's half you, half them."
"And that's the other thing," Emily said, "Sex."
"What about it?"
"It would be with a girl." Emily said, as though it were obvious.
"What's your point?" Katie asked.
"I like cock."
"Exclusively?"
"Well, yeah."
"How do you know? You've never tried the muff before. You might like it better than cock."
"No. I don't think so. It's just weird. It'd seem like something missing." Emily said.
Katie looked thoughtful for a minute. "It's different, but it's not like something is missing. You can't really compare it, because it's two completely different things."
"Yeah, bu-" Emily paused when she realised what Katie had said. "Wait… How do you know so much about this?"
Katie gave Emily a cheeky smile.
"You've had sex with a girl? When?" Emily cried, shocked, one, that her sister had had sex with a girl and two, that she didn't know about it.
"Back in college. Just before I met Ben."
"How did I not know about this? And who with?"
"I wasn't sure how you would react and I didn't want people to think that I was a dyke, because I wasn't, I was just experimenting. So I kept it quiet. And it was with that girl Jess… You know that lesbian that was in the year above us?"
"Oh yeah. I remember her. She was pretty hot. Apparently she used to turn all the straight girls."
"Yeah, well not all the straight girls, but she was pretty good." Katie said, blushing slightly.
"Really? What was it like?" Emily said curiously.
"Well, like I said, it was different. But it was nice. It felt… personal… I mean it wasn't like when I'm with Ben, but it was a lot better than all the other one-night stands I had with guys. It was gentler. Like not just her actions, but how soft her skin was, and her lips and tongue and the way she kissed me and-"
"Woah, too much information!" Emily said, blocking her ears. "I don't want to hear that much about what it was like."
"Oh shut up, I'm just trying to explain."
"Yeah, well try and explain without giving me mental images of my twin sister with another girl's head between her legs."
"Excuse me, I never said anything about her head being between my legs!"
"Oh. Right. Did she though?"
"Yeah." Katie said, as though the answer should be obvious.
"Ew, don't tell me that!" Emily exclaimed, clapping her hands over her ears again.
"You asked!"
"Yeah, but I didn't actually want to hear the answer!"
"Whatever. You're an idiot." Katie said. "Anyway, back to the point. Being with a girl is not as weird as you might think it is. It's different to being with a guy, but it's not worse."
"Is it better?"
"Well I guess it depends on who it's with and what you personally like. If you really do only like cock, then you'll most likely prefer sex with a guy, if you're in to tits and fanny, and you have sex with the right girl, then you might like that better. Really just depends on the person, I guess."
Emily and Katie sat quietly for a while, thinking over everything that had been said.
"You know, you really haven't helped me come to any better conclusion, you know?"
"Perhaps not. But I can't help you with that. You need to decide for yourself."
"Can't you just tell me what to do?"
"Nope."
"Please? I would love you forever."
"You have to love me forever, I'm your sister."
"I don't have to love you forever. I just choose to."
"Well aren't you sweet. So what are you going to do?" Katie asked.
"I don't know." Emily whined. "How do you decide something like this? I really like Naomi. And she likes me. And when we kissed last night it was amazing. But can I really give up everything I have just to give it a go with her? I mean how the hell could I possibly leave Cook? I love him so much; I don't think I could hurt him like that. But at the same time, I don't want to hurt Naomi by telling her that me and her can never happen either. I don't want to tell her that. I don't want to know that nothing can happen between us."
"I don't know what to tell you, Ems. I wish I could just say something to make all this better for you, but I can't. I can offer advice, but in the end, you're the one who has to make a decision. And chances are that whatever choice you make that someone will get hurt and it's going to fucking suck. But I know you, and I know that you normally make the right decisions. And whatever happens, I know that you will be able to work through and make good."
Emily said nothing but leant in to her sister, who wrapped her arms around her. "Just know that whatever you choose, I'm here for you and I love you."
"I love you too." Emily said quietly, wiping away a tear that dripped down her cheek. She cuddled further in to Katie, who placed a kiss on top of her head.
A few hours later, Emily was sitting at her desk at work. JJ was working on something with Freddie, leaving Emily alone in the office. She was supposed to be selecting the images for the cover of one of the next month's magazines, but was finding it too hard to concentrate. Instead, she was spinning slightly in her chair and twirling a pen between her fingers. She looked up when she heard a knock on the door.
"Em, do you have a minute?"
"Yeah, sure Eff, c'mon on in." Emily said.
Effy walked up to Emily's desk and placed a few sheets of paper down. "Here are the articles for the magazine for you to look over. I wasn't sure about the one that Kylie wrote, but without it we're a segment short and I don't think we have time to come up with a whole new one before we go to print, so it's up to you what we do with it."
"Thanks Eff. Was there anything else?" Emily asked, going back to spinning on her chair and twirling her pen.
"Nope that's it." Effy said, walking to the door.
"Oh actually, there is one more thing…" Effy said, pausing by the door.
"Hmm?"
About last night… Is that just something you do with Naomi? Or are all of your employees supposed to make out with you?" Effy said with a cheeky grin.
"Fuck off." Emily said, smiling slightly despite herself. She knew Effy well enough to know that she would never mention anything about what she saw to anyone. And it kind of made her feel better to have someone joke about the situation.
"Coz I'd definitely be up for it, but if you had to make out with Freddie, I've got to admit that I would probably get a bit jealous."
Emily threw her pen at Effy, who dodged it and left the office, closing the door behind her.
Emily picked up another pen and started twirling it; not even bothering to look at what Effy had brought her. Half an hour later she heard another knock on the door.
"Come in." She called.
Naomi poked her head in the door. "Got a minute?"
"Um, sure." Emily said, sitting up straight and straightening her shirt.
"I wasn't sure if you were going to make it in today." Naomi said, standing awkwardly in front of Emily's desk.
"Yeah, I spent the morning with Katie." Emily said.
"Yeah, Cook told me."
"Oh. Right."
"Yeah." Both women were quiet for a minute as they figured out what to say. Eventually Naomi spoke up.
"Listen, Em, about last night… I was out of line. I shouldn't have acted the way I did. I had no right to tell you that I like you. And I shouldn't have gotten angry and gone out and I shouldn't have kissed you. And I'm sorry."
"You didn't kiss me. I kissed you." Emily said.
"Well I didn't stop you, so it's pretty much the same thing."
"It was not your fault. And don't be sorry. I'm glad you told me."
"You are?"
"Yeah. And I meant what I said last night. I do like you. There's just a lot to think about. I'm not going to cheat on Cook."
"Good." Naomi said. "That's the last thing I want you to do."
"Yeah. But I can't just leave him either." Emily said quietly.
"Ems, it's okay. Really."
Emily looked up at Naomi. "Why are you being so good and understanding about this?" She asked.
Naomi shrugged. "Because I care about you. I like you. I'm not stupid enough to believe that that automatically means I get you. I get that this is complicated for you. So I'm going to give you time to think about what you want and need and at the end I'll be here waiting for you, either just as your friend, or as something more, if that's what you want."
"Really?" Emily asked, amazed by Naomi's words.
"Really." She said, "Ems, I like you. I like you a hell of a lot. But I want you to be happy. And I'd rather be just your friend than nothing at all."
"You'll never be nothing, Naoms." Emily said. "I have no idea yet what I'm going to do, but don't you dare think for one second that you could ever be nothing to me."
Naomi nodded, unable to bring herself to look in Emily's eyes, scared that she might see something she didn't want to.
"Is that why you came here? To apologise?" Emily asked.
Naomi shrugged. "Partly. Partly just wanted to see you…" She said quietly, causing a small smile to spread across Emily's face. "But there is something else I want to talk to you about as well…" Naomi said nervously.
"Is everything okay?" Emily asked, picking up on Naomi's discomfort.
"Um, well… yeah, it's okay. It's just…"
"Hold on, come over to the window." Emily said, grabbing her pack of smokes and crossing the office to sit on the sofa underneath the window. She opened it up and lit a cigarette. She patted the seat next to her, telling Naomi to join her. Naomi sat down next to her and Emily passed her the cigarette. "Okay, what's up?"
"You know you seem very much like a counsellor sometimes?" Naomi asked.
"One of my many talents." Emily said with a wink. "Now stop beating around the bush and tell what's going on."
Naomi sighed. "It's nothing really. I just wanted to let you know that I'll be going back to Manchester for the weekend."
"What? why?" Emily said, clearly not happy about Naomi's news.
"It's just something I need to do. I need to move on from the past and start a new life here. But I can't do that when I feel like my life is still there. All my stuff is still there. My Mum's stuff is there. I'm living everyday in fear that Victor is going to come here and force me to go home with him. I need to go back and clear the air. Let him know that I'm not going back. I need some closure. Without it I don't think I'll ever feel completely at home here."
Naomi passed the cigarette back to Emily who took a puff, very conscious of the fact that Naomi's lips had touched it only seconds ago.
Emily nodded slowly. "I understand." She said.
Naomi breathed a sigh of relief.
"But I'm not letting you go there alone." Emily continued, "I'm coming with you."
Naomi looked up at her. "Em, you don't need to do that. I'll be fine by myself."
"I don't care. I don't trust him. I'm not going to let you go there by yourself. It's too much for you to handle alone. Plus if I come, we can take my car and I can help you get all your things. It'll be much easier."
"Emily, I appreciate it. I really do. But do you really think me and you going to Manchester together for the weekend is really going to be the best idea?"
"Why, are you planning on making a move on me while we're there?" Emily joked.
Naomi slapped Emily's knee lightly. "No. But you know what I mean. I don't want to put you in a situation where you're going to end up more confused than you already are."
"You wont. It'll just be one friend, accompanying another friend on a trip that she shouldn't have to make alone. Besides, how are you planning on bringing back all of your stuff, plus any of your mums stuff with you on the train?"
Naomi smiled. "Are you sure you want to come?"
"Definitely." Emily said, taking a drag on the cigarette and passing it back to Naomi, who took the final puff and then stubbed it out in the ashtray.
"Thank you, Emily. I really appreciate it."
"You're welcome. That's what friends do for each other, right?"
"Right." Naomi agreed with a smile.
"And give me a hug, because friends do that as well." Emily said, reaching over to Naomi and pulling her in to a hug. Naomi wrapped her arms around Emily and hugged her back, both of them far too aware of the feel of their bodies together.
They pulled apart after a moment and stood to their feet. "Now get back to work before I have to fire you." Emily said, walking back to her desk.
"Yes ma'am." Naomi answered with a salute.
"And don't salute me." Emily said.
"Yes ma'am." Naomi said again but this time without the salute.
"And meet me up here at five and I'll drive us both home, save you having to walk."
"Yes m-"
And don't call me ma'am again!" Emily said, before Naomi could say it.
Naomi just laughed and left the room without another word.
"Hey, you're home early." Emily said as she walked in to the kitchen, surprised to see Cook standing at the stove.
"Yeah, I told your Mum that since the turnip and broccoli soup she made last night was so delicious I wanted to cook it for you for dinner tonight. So she didn't force me to stay." Cook said, stepping toward Emily and cupping her cheeks. He leant in and kissed her slowly on the lips.
Far too aware that Naomi was in the room, Emily pulled away before Cook could deepen the kiss. She turned to look behind her just in time to see Naomi walk briskly out of the kitchen and up the stairs.
"What's up with her?" Cook asked quietly.
"I don't know. Must just be having a bad day." Emily said quietly, ashamed with herself for the tangled web she was beginning to weave.
"Did you have a good morning with Katie?" Cook asked, going back to whatever he was cooking on the stove. Emily could only hope he wasn't actually cooking turnip and broccoli soup.
"Yeah, it was good. Nice to be able to just talk to her."
"What did you need to talk to her about? Everything okay?"
"Yeah, everything's fine." Emily said, unable to look Cook in the eye. "Just sister stuff."
Cook frowned, disappointed that Emily clearly didn't trust him enough to tell him what was going on.
"Something's going on…" Cook said. "Should I be worried?"
"No!" Emily said, frustrated at Cook for not letting it go. "It's nothing, I just had to talk to Katie about something."
"Fine. Sorry for being concerned about my girlfriend." Cook said grumpily, turning back to his cooking.
Emily sighed deeply. She knew she had been wrong to snap at him and that he was just trying to look out for her. But the last thing she needed right now was for Cook to try and get involved in what was going on. She felt guilty enough for kissing Naomi and lying to him, she didn't need him to pry even further in to the situation so that she would have to hide even more.
"Look, Cook, I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have snapped. I've just had a long day, that's all."
Cook nodded without looking at Emily and held an arm out to her, indicating that she should come and have a cuddle. Emily took a couple of steps forward and lent in to Cook's side. He wrapped an arm around her kissed her on top of her head. She buried her face in his chest and forced the tears not to fall.
"I shouldn't have tried to make you tell me." Cook said, "I just worry about you."
"Why?" Emily asked.
"Because you go around working and looking after Zack and Mia and being the perfect friend and sister and boss and girlfriend. And you fix everyone else's problems and just ignore your own. You never tell me your problems so I have no idea to help you. And that makes me worry. I have no idea what's wrong."
"Sorry." Emily said. "I am okay though. You don't need to worry."
"Good." Cook said knowing that the conversation was over. He lifted Emily's chin with his finger so that she was looking at him. His heart broke as he saw how sad she looked. Here eyes were watery, like she was trying not to cry. The creases on her forehead and her uncharacteristic frown proved to him that she was worried about something.
"You know that I love you, right?" Cook asked.
Emily nodded. "I love you too." She whispered.
Cook ducked his head and kissed Emily on the lips, running his tongue along her lower lip so that she opened her mouth. Emily kissed him back, allowing Cook's tongue to enter her mouth, unable to stop herself from thinking about how Cook's lips weren't as soft as Naomi's. She thought about how gentle Naomi's touch had been; how she had gently played with Emily's hair; how her thin but strong arms had held Emily close; how her lips and tongue tasted like tequila mixed with raspberry lip balm; how she smelled like cigarettes and shampoo and something that was just distinctly Naomi.
And she thought about how different Cook felt. It didn't feel bad with Cook. It felt comfortable. But less exciting. It wasn't boring, just familiar.
She gently pulled away from Cook and took a step back, avoiding his gaze, worried that by looking him in the eye, he would somehow know what she was thinking.
"Hey listen, I was thinking that if your Dad was okay with me taking the weekend off, maybe me and you could head to London for the weekend or something. Just get away for a couple of days. Reconnect a bit, you know?"
The twinge of guilt hit Emily as she heard Cook's words. Because he had noticed it. He felt it too. Reconnect, he had said. He wasn't the only one feeling disconnected. But the difference was that, while he was working to fix the gap, Emily was stretching the gap further and further, stepping further and further away, distancing herself more and more, because she was too afraid of Cook discovering the truth.
"Actually, I told Naomi that I would go to Manchester with her this weekend." Emily said quietly, unable to look at the face that she knew would have the heart-wrenching look of sadness spread all over it.
"Oh. What for?" Cook asked.
"She needs to go back to get some of her stuff. The stuff she left behind when she moved here. I said I'd go and help so that she doesn't have to do it all by herself."
"Oh." Cook said again. "Can't she just hire some removalists? They'd be able to do it quicker than you and her could. And that way we could still go away…"
"Sorry Cook. I need to go with her." Emily said, not wanting to share her reasons for not wanting Naomi to go back to Manchester by herself.
"Right okay." Cook said bluntly, taking the pot off the hot plate and moving it to a cooler part of the stove. "That needs to sit for half an hour." He said, before leaving the kitchen and disappearing upstairs.
Emily walked through to the lounge room and sat down on the sofa, disappointed in herself for the umpteenth time for the way she was treating people.
"Everything okay?" Naomi asked, walking in to the lounge room and sitting down next to Emily.
"Yeah. Cook's just pissed off at me, that's all." Emily said.
"How come? Because of me?" Naomi asked, panic clear in her voice.
Emily shook her head. "He asked me to go to London with him for the weekend but I said I couldn't."
"Because you're coming with me to Manchester?"
Emily nodded.
"You shouldn't come with me. You should go away with Cook. He's your boyfriend, after all."
"No. I'm not letting you go there by yourself. There's no point in arguing with me about it."
"But it's worth you arguing with Cook?"
"Cook needs to know that I can't just drop everything to go away with him. I have other things in my life."
"Yeah, but he's your boyfriend. Shouldn't he be pretty high up your list of priorities?"
"He is. But that doesn't mean that nothing else matters."
"Did you at least explain to him why you want to come with me?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because it's not my place to tell him. If you want him to know, that's fine, but I'm not going to go around blabbing your secrets."
"You're too perfect for your own good sometimes." Naomi said.
Emily shook her head. "I'm not even close to perfect."
"I think you are." Naomi said. "Now go upstairs, find your boyfriend and tell him you'll go to London with him."
"No, Naomi, I'm going with you. You can't change my mind."
"Fine." Naomi said, "Go upstairs, find your boyfriend and explain your reasons for needing to come with me to Manchester."
"Are you sure?" Emily asked.
Naomi nodded. "He deserves to know."
Emily stood up from the sofa and leant forward, placing a kiss on the top of Naomi's head. "You're pretty perfect yourself, you know." She said, before turning around and leaving the room.
Emily walked upstairs and in to hers and Cook's bedroom. Seeing the empty room, she walked through to the balcony. Cook was standing there, leaning against the railing, looking down to the road below, smoking a cigarette. Emily moved to stand next to him mimicking his position. She expected him to offer her his cigarette as he usually did, but he stayed still, not moving and not talking.
"Can I have some?" She asked, reaching over to take the cigarette from between his fingers.
Cook just moved his hand out of Emily's reach and instead, pushed his pack of cigarettes to Emily. Sighing, she took one out of the pack and lit it herself.
"Did you come out here for a reason or did you just want to steal my fags and ruin my alone time?" Cook asked grumpily.
"Actually, I wanted to talk to you." Emily said, forcing herself to not get angry and Cook's attitude.
"About what?"
"About why I have to go away with Naomi this weekend." Emily said.
"I don't give a rats why you have to go away with her." Cook said, throwing his cigarette down to the road below and walking back in to the bedroom. "The problem is that you chose her over me. Again."
"I didn't choose her over you, her thing came up first. You can't just expect me to drop everything to have a weekend away with you." Emily said, following Cook inside.
"But you'll drop everything to spend a weekend with Naomi?"
"It's not like that. She needs someone to help her in Manchester. I'm not going to let her go by herself."
"Why not? What's the big deal?"
"If you're going to be so fucking immature about it, I don't think you even deserve to know. And what did you mean by I chose her over you again?"
"This isn't exactly the first time you've ditched me for her." Cook said.
"When have I ditched you for her?"
"How about last night? When I got home from work and you ran off straight away to find Naomi? How about when Zack and Mia were staying here and we were going to spend some time together and you ended up spending all night cuddled up with Naomi in her bed?"
"Is that the only times you can think of?" Emily asked.
Cook shrugged.
"For your information, not that I should need to explain myself, but last night I had to go and save Naomi's butt because she was completely off her face and Effy was worried about her. What was I supposed to do? Leave her to get in trouble?" Emily didn't wait for Cook to answer before she started speaking again. "And that time I spent the night in Naomi's room was because I heard her crying, went in to see if she was okay and she told me all about how her uncle used to beat and rape her. Which is why I can't let her go back to her uncle's place by herself this weekend."
"What? She was beaten and raped?" Cook asked, taken aback by Emily's admission.
"Yes. Repeatedly." Emily said. "So maybe next time, instead of getting all pissy and immature, you could just talk to me like an adult."
"I'm sorry." Cook said. "I just… I really wanted to spend some time with you this weekend."
"I know. I would have liked to spend some time with you as well, but sometimes other things are more important."
"Yeah. But lately it seems like everything is more important." Cook said quietly.
"More important than you?"
Cook nodded. "I feel like you're pushing me away. We used to be so close. Now we hardly talk. And when we do, it's about boring stuff like work and TV shows and shit."
Emily didn't say anything.
"I feel like I'm losing you." Cook said, his voice breaking slightly.
Emily looked in to his eyes and saw that they were filled with tears. She took a step toward him and pulled him in to a hug. "You're not losing me, James. You'll never lose me. I love you." She said, "I love you so much."
The stood hugging for a moment before Emily looked up at him. Standing on her tiptoes, she kissed him on the lips, tangling her hands in his short hair. Cook kissed Emily back and walked her backwards until her knees hit the bed and she fell backwards. He climbed on top of her and they continued to kiss for a few minutes, until Emily felt Cook undoing the buttons on her shirt.
"Cook, stop." She said, pushing his hands away.
"What?" He asked, sitting up.
"I just... I'm not really in the mood." Emily said, unable to shake the feeling that, even though Cook was her boyfriend, having sex with him would mean she was somehow cheating on Naomi.
"Fine." Cook said, standing up and walking to the door. "But don't act like I'm being stupid when I tell you I feel like you're pushing me away."
Emily collapsed back down on the bed as Cook slammed the bedroom door closed behind him.
Chapter 9 complete. Hopefully chapter 10 will be up in the next week as well. And it will cover Emily and Naomi's trip to Manchester. Oh, the possibilities ;)
Review? They make me happy. And give me motivation... :)