Chapter 10 – The Long Road Back
"Look Mrs. LaSalle, I can't begin to imagine what is going through your mind and your heart. I can make arrangements for you to go into isolation for a while if you wish. I don't want you to be so overwhelmed that it causes more mental anguish or physical issues."
"I don't know Doctor. There's just so much going on around me. Even when they aren't pushing me I can see it in their face or hear in their voice that they want me to remember them so badly. It's too much."
"I know that my husband loves me but I see he pain in his face as I continually ask about this or that. I looked through a photo book of the first week of my daughter's life and remembered nothing. Her father looks ecstatic in the photos. Heck, I look like I won the lottery but I don't remember anything about the photos or really the people in them."
"All right then, I will arrange for you to be admitted to a clinic up in Baton Rouge and restrict your visitors. Why don't we say a month and if you want to return earlier, I will sign the paperwork."
Of course Catherine did not understand why her mommy was going away again. I had to believe that Chris and Mother LaSalle could help her through it. I just knew that I needed to get away.
True to his word the doctor effectively explained to my husband why I need to go into the clinic. Chris accepted it at face value never suspecting that it was at my request to leave them.
The first week was spent with a lot of interaction with a physiatrist and a social worker. They had asked me to bring a group of photos.
The team was able to help me the most by providing me some coping mechanism. By the end of the third week I felt ready to go back to New Orleans and work once again with the memory recovery.
The team also spent a weekend with Chris better equipping him to assist me. While he had been very protective of me both at the hospital in D.C. and when I came back home, the team realized that they could have helped him better in realizing the depth of my loss.
I immediately noticed a change and felt more comfortable. It did not take a rocket scientist to realize what a kind man this Christopher LaSalle was. He would call me every day on his lunchbreak, bring me beautiful flowers, sing to me and love me and our daughter. I would look at the photos of our wedding and honeymoon and could see the love in his face. I wanted to remember it all so badly but there was still a void in that life experience.
It was interesting to me how smells seemed to trigger significant events. One afternoon Chris brought in a meal that Pride had dropped off while I was in the shower. He said it was one of my favorite dishes. As I tasted the dishes, I could see some people sitting around a counter somewhere. I recognized Merrie Brody but the others including Chris remained unfamiliar to me but I knew somehow that I did know them. It was the bits and pieces of memories that distressed me. I had returned from Baton Rouge with the commitment to persevere on and so I did.