Chapter 10
She is waiting on the tarmac of the Hellicarrier, and she is really pist off. The staff can feel the waves of anger radiate from her, they chose the wise path and avoid their Commander like the plague, leaving her be with a six meters radius, not daring to disturbe her when she is in that state. Maria Hill stands alone, arms crossed at her chest.
She is furious.
She already has much on her plate, juggling with the Agency's day to day missions and reports, assuming the world security as it is, also looking for the still mysterious perpertreter of the recent attack she experienced first hand at her own apartement, but now fucking Nick Fury takes the cake.
She doesn't want to deal with this shit. Certainly not after New York.
Yet, as usual, she has to. She must rein on the man's temper because no-one else will dare cross the all mighty Director with one eye and bad ass attitude. Fury is intimidating to everyone on the crew, and even if some on top level have earn his respect, like Coulson for instance, none of those agents dares defying him as blatently as shedoes. Maybe because she knows he will not demote her, not when she knows he sees her competent, devoted to the job, and prefers very much having her as a pain in his ass than any bureaucrat choosen by the Council to be his deputy.
So, all in all, she is the only one to stand her ground when it comes to call bullshit.
She grites her teeth, muscles extremly tense under her uniform.
Fucking Fury.
Maria just hanged up the phone with General Talbot still yelling on the line. It's not the polite thing to do, not the political thing to do, but then, she isn't the kind little housewife type and doesn't give a shit about pretencious prick -everybody knows this -, plus the screaming outraged man didn't provide any more informations whatsoever. She cut him off with a curt 'I'll talk to the Director about it, General' before turning her earbutton off with a final click. After that, she just stormed out of her office, not answering to Art's questions or anyone else's. Thanksfully for the assistant, he took the hint without bothering her. Probably when she threw him a glare that would have burn him to the ground if her powers were that kind of power. She almost wishes she has that ability right now, and she knows exactly who she would torture with it.
She is waiting on the tarmac with a scowl that hasn't left her face, and she intents to explode the second Fury's aircraft lands. The last time she was that furious with him was when they were alone after the Teseract fiasco and its so heavy consequences. She went berserk on him the minute they were truly alone, and he conveniently choose to vanish for a few months after that, leaving all the aftermath for her to deal with. Typical.
Maria waits in the strong wind of the night, feet planted on the ground, unmoving. She knows the Director is coming, it's the first thing she checked after hanging up to Talbot's face. Twenty minutes out, the agent in charged of tarmac circulation told her in her com. She's been waiting fourteen, leaving the management of the base and on going missions to her assistant, and Coulson. Art knows better than to seek her out right now, she knows he will go for Coulson like he did before. She really needs to make this official.
She senses a presence behind her. Her creative mind is thrown out of the many ideas she is currently imagining about how to better berate the Director with the right kind of choosen words the infuriating man deserve and more, when her skin makes this tingling thing it sometimes - randomly- does when a potential threat is near by. This extension of her power rarely shows up, but when it does decide to fonction nobody can creep up on her no mater their skills in hidding themselves. As soon as they make up their mind about going at her for whatever the reason, a shiver crawls up her back to warn her. She never tried to understand it or master it because, well, she always ignored that part of herself with high dedication, even when this facet of her unwanted speciality saved her life more than once along the years.
Maria tenses as the tingling starts, but she doesn't move. Even as her whole body is on high alert there are agents moving around like usual, everyone avoiding her, none acting like there is a potential threat near by. Since she is standing in the middle of the tarmac, her watcher is either invisible or non threatening. Her skin keeps itching on her back. Her 'tingles' are always right, she learned that the hard way. The threat must be invisible then. She is about to check behind her, choosing to twist her body and drop to the ground for good momentum while going for her side arm, when the wind blurs from behind her and hits her senses. She recognises the scent. She would gladly spend hours bathing in it. Natasha. It is Natasha that stands probably ten meters behind her, volontarely letting the breeze alert Maria of her presence. She is no threat. Yet Hill's ability seems to consider otherwise as the tingle persue. That alone is strange, because Maria never felt the tingle when she was with the Russian before. Curious as to what provoqued her tingling response -maybe she should try to find a better way to name that phenomenum, even in her head - Maria steps back and half turns around. Her gaze finds Natasha standing behind her in the tarmac, the agent eyeing her like she would a target or a menace, watching her like she would look at Banner when he starts to get agitated. Romanoff is wary of her and clearly is gauging weither or not to intervin. Even with the bound recently developping between them, Maria is way past the point anybody would be able to apaise her, not even Natasha. There is no mistaking her state, as Romanoff guessed easely, Maria Hill is about to strike, and no-one will be able to stop her wrathm from unraveling.
Commander Hill can be a very, very patient officer. She is a master at controling her emotions, she barely doesn't feel any as it is. She is cold, efficient Deputy Director of the most ultimetly important Agency of the world. She has a duty to the people, to protect. She does her job well, she does her job great. Except when her Director decides to play stupid behind her back. Again. That's when her patience is going thin, when her coldness becomes fire of anger lurking under her skin, ready to get loose.
Commander Hill doesn't get angry often, really, but Nick Fury has a nack to get it out of her regularely. At least five times a year.
'Go away Romanoff' she shouts in the wind before turning around, searching the sky once more. Fury's plane is growing in the air. Good. 'Don't use up your free time babysitting me'
In one swift motion, she clips her earphone three times, then once more. 'I want three units of with me on the tarmac ASAP. Possible threat on the way to the base right now. Be ready to escort the Director's guests' she barks the word with a snarl. 'Escort, keep caution, ready to engage if necessary'
She is about to cut the com out when she pauses. 'Did the Director give any orders regarding his arrival ?' Her tone is cold and anyone working with her for quite some time would be abble to hear the fury waiting to unleash. Art is new.
'No, Commander. Director Fury only send his time flight, sir. Would you like me to contact the ship ?'
She doesn't bother answering and clicks her button with a cliped jaw, mulling her anger. The fire of her rage is growing strong, so strong. The tingling sensation isn't helping. Fucking Fury. She will truttle him. Her whole body is already shaking at the idea. She is a ticking timebomb.
Wait a minute. Something is wrong.
In the haze of her fury, Maria realises that she never felt that much wrath. Ever. She is so controlled usualy. Her own father couldn't get to her at the worst time of her life, so why, she muses suddenly, why is she seething like she is now ? Standing in the middle of the tarmac, she feels wild, unrestrained, and all over a phone call ? Not even Fury's stupidity, which was predictable at this point after years working with the man, warrant such a reaction. Not from her.
She never felt so much rage, and it doesn't make sense.
In the light of Romanoff assessening her as a real potential threat to anihilate, Maria briefly wonders if her power might be getting out of hand. She feels reckless and savage, even as her posture is rigid as always, she knows better. She knows herself. Something is very wrong.
She'll have to wait until they are safely in the privaty of office to yell at Fury then. If anyone seeing her attacking the Director, not only verbaly but with her fists like she feels about doing right now, would fell their duty to stop her, therefor triggering her fucking blue protection halo and outing her to all. Her unwanted power of overprotection isn't really transparent. If she lets loose of her temper in the middle of the tarmac in plain sight of the crew her secret will not stay secret. She definately doesn't want that to happen. She already has too much people knowing about it, some of them targetting her in her appartement to test the boundaries of it with heavy chimicals, she absolutly doesn't need more.
She glares at Natasha when the mere presence of the woman makes her realise her uncontrolled anger. Now she'll have to rein on the storm waiting to lash out. Maybe she should get out of here, because she doesn't honestly think she can restrain from punching Fury if she sees him right now.
She grunts and almost stomps her foot to the ground, her fists so tight she would really love some release. She needs to attack. She is seething from restrain, her whole body trembling at the very idea of swallowing her anger. Her vision is blury, instable, her breathing pattern starts to change and she draws sharp, curt breath through her teeth. She is on an edge, quickly about to fall out of control. Suddenly she realises this is a very bad idea, it's clear she doesn't stand a chance of control as soon as the Director step out of his pod. She can't spend a minute with the man, walking silently toward their office to have a private shouting berating. She will not wait. Her temper is out of control.
She has to turn around and barricade herself into her quarters then, knowing Nick will come find her to brag about his findings – more like stealing – even though he already knows the greeting he will receive about it. She really is about to move out of the tarmac and cool down in her office. When the choper appears in the sky.
Maria's gaze is fixed on it, and she is absolutly unable to make her feet move when her target is already in sight. So close. She is ready to fight, to lash out, and so so eager she steps ahead a little, arms uncrossed and slightly bend forward like a predator about to jump on its prey. Her back tingles more but she dismisses it, she stares unblinking at her target growing in the sky.
'Maria'
Natasha's voice is soft behind her. Maria forgot about her. The agent is standing closer now, maybe three meters in her back. Maria doesn't check. She is too focused on the aircraft making its descent on the carrier. Fury is so close now...
Her legs start moving. She is pacing like an animal now.
'Maria.'
Natasha's hysky voice draws out with an urgency in her tone Maria barely registers.
'You're crackling blue, Maria.'
There is a specific warning in Romanoff's tone, an edge like to a warrior about to draw its sword when all discutions are over, and that takes Maria's attention. A threat. Something to explode on. The tingling is so very welcome now, it mixes with the hot fire spreading all over her body now. Maria turns, slowly, predatory. Her eyes meet those green orbes of the agent standing three feet behind. A feral grin spreads on her lips as she licks them. Her chin dips a little to the ground, eyes fixed on her prey. This is going to be fun.
For a moment, the Russian blinks at her, eyes wide, but then her gaze narrows as she adjusts her stance too, bending slightly in response to Maria's agressive posture. Long red locks sway in the wind, picking at the fire in Hill's haze. The prey before her is a nice, bright play toy ready to be chew. Maria is wild now, barely abloe to think, she is a baw of fury about to snarl and jump her prey. The target tilts its head, eyebrow raised, and smirks, coy, unimpressed. Challenging.
White anger flashes in her veins. She's about to wipe that grin from this face.
'I've never seen you like this'
The husky voice of the prey comments lightly in the air between them. Maria hears the words but doesn't understand it. It's just noise. Her brain fonctions are shut down, she is only instinct. Still, she hears the tone of the voice aiming at her.
'But i guess that's not really surprising, there is a lot about you that nobody knows. Deep secrets. Dark secrets.'
The almost bored voice carries on, a glint in green eyes. Taunting.
'What is it ? Bad day at the office ? Feel like punching something ? '
Maria groans, baring her teeth more.
The red head prey pushes forward, its face inviting and threatening.
'Come hit me then'
It steps toward Maria.
'Need me to start ? '
The target is about to step forward again. Too close. The roar rings deep in Maria's chest. She launches her whole body to the prey. The petite redhead jumps to the side with a whirling motion, all grace and fluidity. The prey doesn't stop and already retreats to one of the ship's door, its smirk never leaving its face. Maria is on a hunting trip now, never stopping either, she pushes right for her prey, the red locks feeding her wrath. Nothing exists but her prey, her lips roll up her teeth, muscles bend, she fallows, long strides bringing her closer, closer.
She just needs to touch it once.
As the scenary blurs around the chase, green eyes meet hers from time to time, always smug and defiant, and Maria pushes harder. She doesn't notice the change of scenary, doesn't notice the ground and walls moving around her, all she sees is her goal, the red. And she's getting closer. Few steps more and the game will be over.
The prey looks at her before taking a sharp turn left. In fluid motion it drops to the ground, slides itself across the sudden white, bright floor, rolls and lands on a crouch, red locks framing its face, green eyes boring into Maria, smirk still on its lips, breathing hard. Maria doesn't relent, doesn't hesitate, all focused on her mark. In one powerfull step she is on it, her mouth starting a victory smile, claws ready to tear flesh appart, when her momentum is violently cut short and her whole body hits something hard. She reboundes backward, unbalanced, and for a second her legs give up under her. But her muscles jerk, tense anew, she snarls and starts toward the target, only to be met with the same effect. A resistance. Something invisible is blocking her advance. She grites her teeth and growls, eyes never leaving her prey. Green eyes are mocking her, taunting her, as she paces back and forth. The prey is there, just right there, but out of reach. It slowly stands and its facial expression changes in the middle of all the red.
Through her haze of violence, something stires in Maria. Her eyes never leaves her prey as the red target... the red... person... tilts its head to the side, studying her.
With passing minutes Maria's breathing starts to ease, her pace a little less wide, but her muscles are still tense, her instinct still on alert. Ready to fight. The target doesn't move at first, arms to its side, neutral face, scanning eyes. But then, the hardness of white skin smoothes, the edge of the jaw relaxes, even the eyes become soft. Caring. The lips that were taunting her are offering a small smile, a peace offering.
A smile that wakes something within Maria, something...
Without meaning to, Maria stops pacing and looks at it. Her. The woman. Not a target. Red. Soft crimson locks that her fingers itche to touch, a memory imprinted on her skin. She knows this prey. This person.
She knows this person.
Maria comes a step closer, intrigued. There is something there. Something calling out for her in those green eyes. And this smile. She knows this smile. She knows the taste of it, she can almost reach it...
With a sharp intake of breath, something clicks in her head and her eyes go wide. Her next step falters and Maria brasses herself on the glass, her sweaty palm clenching against the strong wall. She struggles, she won't stop looking, she can't stop looking at those green eyes that lure her mind to work, to realise what is happening, to remember who she is. The bun lets lose of hair and she bends slightly, out of breath. She isn't tired of her chase, no, her body is still burning to keep the hunt going, but she resists the urge, she uses all her energy to come back. Come back to herself.
What is happening ? What is happening ?
Her blown pupils stare at … She remembers...
Maria breaths stronger, eyes boring into the woman. She will herself to remember those eyes, this smile. This red she knows she loves somewhere inside. A sound, there is a sound, close, a sound to go with this image, this beautiful woman she sees now clearly, so bright.
She breaths more and she waits. She swims forever in those green eyes and then the sound is finally clear.
Natasha.
Watching behind the glass, the woman lets her small smile spread a little more, green eyes carressing Maria's face with obvious relief.
Natasha. That's her name. She knows now.
She remembers.
Smiling wide, Romanoff's face is a welcoming party. She looks young and fresh.
'Hi'
Maria almost laugh at that.
It is starting to become their usual greeting it seems. She doesn't laugh however, she doesn't have it in her. She can barely talk as it is, her mind still foggy, her tongue feels like a sponge. She can only crack half a smile that feels bitter in her mouth. The last of herself comes back and the fire ease in her veins. She doesn't move though, she feels like a statue, exhausted and broken. Suddenly, after long seconds of silence, the smiling face of Natasha, so caring and sweet, is too much to look at. Maria averts her eyes to the floor.
Her voice is brooken, she knows, when she murmurs anyway.
'Hi'
There is silence then, longer, thick. Awkward from Maria's end. She stays in her position, bend against the glass, her other hand laying limp at her side. Defeated. She feels defeated. And ashamed. She allows herself one more minute to swim in her self loathing, eyes shut, head low. Just one minute...
There is moisture in her eyes, she clunches them harder, every muscle on her face tense.
'Hey'
The familiar husky voice, the voice she came to long for, is calling her, and she doesn't have it in her to respond. She can't.
'It's okay, Maria. You're okay.' A beat. 'I'm okay'
Maria sighs and her face relaxes. The fire retires. She is so tired now.
'Yeah...' her dry throat releases.
'Maria. You're contained now. We'll deal with this.'
Finaly her legs give up and she sags against the glass. She is kneeling in front of Natasha, utterly exhausted, she doesn't have the force to bring up her Commander persona. With a grunt she adjusts her position on the bright floor. Her right side layes on the wall, bending knees to her chest, she tucks her chin between them and she sighs. Her tired eyes scan her surroundings and she is pleased Natasha was there to handle her. The agent is smart and chose to lure her to the only place she rightfully thought might be able to emprison the wild card with unknown powers that Maria was. Is. That she is.
Hill closes her eyes at the thought. She is an enhansed individual with unpredictable and clearly unstable powers that could go wrong. So wrong. She is becoming one of them. A possible threat.
And there she was on the tarmac, minutes ago, about to jump on Fury about that particular topic. The irony of her situation isn't lost on her. Helas.
As she scans the white room she sees that nobody is here with them. There is just Natasha. The staff must have witnessed her outburst and stay clear, however they certainly are monitoring her on the deck. She doesn't strain her neck to check the cameras, she knows they're here and rolling.
'What do you want to do ?'
The words take a second to register. Natasha picks up on her confusion.
'Do you want to stay here or...' Romanoff makes a vague gesture to the consol behind her. One code and the press of a button and she could be out of here.
Her gaze scans the thick, strong curby walls all arround her. The Hulk cell. It's a good thing Banner doesn't need it right this moment. Maria remembers he just went to met with Stark about a new project, which doesn't sound good to her. Stark is a catastrophy waiting to happen. Banner's brain should stay as far as possible away from the playboy nightmare, but the Avengers are Fury's toys and off limits. Whatever. She is in no position to say anything now. Because of her little outburst, she is contained, and it's not going to take long for tha Agency to mark her with a tag. Fuck.
Maybe no-one say the blue power thing. Maybe they just saw her running after Romanoff and think none of it. Maybe she can get away with it.
That's what Natasha is offering, to open the gate and walk away like nothing ever happened. Maria is so, so tempted to take it. It's been minutes since they got here, she have the time to move, now.
But Commander Hill is responsable for the safety of her ship and all of its crew. And she knows she is not stable, she is not in control. She just lost it just now and she can still feel the burning rage lurking inside of her. It is new, it is wilde, and she doesn't fool herself by thinking she can manage it. She can't. She never wanted to master her abalities, and today it comes bitting her in the ass.
She will never allow herself to become a threat to her people. She can't afford to be a wild card, not on her ship or anywhere else.
So, no escaping this cage for now.
Natasha nods knowingly and doesn't wait for a response, she guesses it anyway. Maria Hill doesn't deal with threat with anything less than absolute caution. No exception.
/
'So'
Natasha's voice is all business now. Even as Maria adjusted and is staring at the celling, spread out in the middle of the floor – her uniform is crumpled, her hair no better, but she doesn't care right now - , she can easely picture the agent with her hands on her hips, standing her ground in front of the glass, her sexy body molden by he black uniform. The Black Widow towering.
'So ?'
Mari answers sarcasticly without moving. She is so tired of this shit. All her life she tried so hard to avoid this. Fuck.
The fire still hums somewhere in the background of her skin.
'This little episode of yours, was it the first time or is it normal for you ?'
There is annoyance dripping in Romanoff's tone. She doesn't like Hill's closed off attitude. Well, she'll have to deal with it. To each his own. She grites her teeth before answering.
'First'
'Really, Hill ? Are you going to give me one word sentences every time ? We've got to deal with this, Maria, and now. Fury will be here in minutes so you better take your pick.'
Fuck her life. Nick is going to enjoy this. It's enfuriating to think she is the one that should be pist off at him for his last adventure, not the other way around. But thanks to her 'little episode' like Nathasha puts it, he will be able to swift his new purchase abord her ship with no resistance from anyone. She, at least, hopes the units she requested are on the tarmac ready to receve the package.
With a grunt, Maria doesn't bother to sit, she stays laying on the ground and taps her com.
'Fury landed ?'
'Yes sir'
'No trouble with his guests ?'
'No sir...
'What is it ?'
'The guest are in the Director's office and the director is looking for you sir'
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
'Take care of my ship Art'
With that she disconnects the call and keeps her eyes on the celling, unseeing. She sighs and allows herself one last second of lounge. She has to get a grip and move fast on this.
'Okay'
She sighs again and blinks one more time to the celling, gathering the energy to face this shit. She can do this. She rolls to sit on the too bright floor and finds Romanoff with her hands on her hips, waiting with an eyebrow raised on her serious face. Right.
'It's not the first time i experienced this level of anger. I've at least felt it five times a year. With morons all around it's not exactly surprising that i lose my cool once in a while.'
A few faces of the morons come to mind, a back one eyed first on her list.
'But i never reacted like...' She trails with a a vague hand gesture. '...that, before. Never. That's new'
'Do you think it's linked to your...'
Sharp blue eyes find green in a silent order to shut up. There are cameras and mic here, they are not alone for this conversation to be opened. Romanoff gives her an expectant raised eyebrow. Maria grunts, swallows and lets her facial expression relaxes. A little. She is on edge and can't get her emotions in control. Something is definately wrong.
'Probably. But i don't see how. Nothing has changed. I mean. The attack... I'm certain that didn't affect me at all. It's been past half a month, i didn't fell anything then and it's not the first time i've been exposed to this kind of thing.'
The tries to be evasive but she knows she is already saying too much to many prying ears. She gets up from the floor, her composture starting to come back to normal. Her Deputy Director façade is slowly filling her. Her control. She feels her joints and muscles cringe when she straightens herself in the middle of the cell, her hands dust off her pants and pull on the bottom of her jacket and sleeves before clearing her face from the loose locks of brown hair, hooking them behind her ears. This will do for now. She clears her throat and brings her hands behind her back. It's better, but it's not enough. She feels too exposed, too raw, her control is still for the most part out of reach. She doesn't remember feeling that much in... ever. She always had a nack to repress everything, to live through everything without a care. She is not the caring type, but yet she is in this state now. She doesn't comprehend what triggerded that change, what could possibly have...
She is pacing in the white cage when she comes to an abrupt stop. Her head snaps to the left, eyes wides in recognision boring into the Russian.
'You'
Her tone is stunned and accusing, her whole body tense. She doesn't elaborate, she can't, not here, even though her tongue wants to she keeps her mouth shut with a click of her jaw. Natasha stares at her for a moment, then understanding washes over her. Yes. Nothing in her posture changes except for the micro details. Her muscles slightly relax and her eyes barely open more, but it's there and they have a silent conversation now, very aware of their audience. No-one can know about the new developement of their relationship.
After seconds – they don't have time do dwell on anything - Natasha sighs and moves, a hand massaging her forehead as she turns to the side.
'We have to deal with this'
Maria's temper is still not in check and her blood boils in her ear.
'No shit ! '
She grites out, fists trembling. Her rage is begging to rise again, to get loose. She doesn't recognise herself. She tries to breath and focuse, focuse on Natasha, Natasha Romanoff, the woman who attoned in so many ways, the beautiful Russian who was lost for so long, but who found herself and learned to be soft, to smile genuily, to laugh... Natasha.
She can see Natasha looking at her with surprise and she wants to talk, to tell her it's okay, because she feels the anger relent inside of her. Slowly, the calm is coming back and she breaths. She can't speak, but she can soften her eyes, try a smile. She does. She knows it's mostly a grimace but it works, Natasha relaxes. The beast inside Maria stands back.
She realises then that she is extra sensitive to any form of agression now. Any threat she perceives, no matter the level, is the trigger to her ire. If Natasha had passed from surprise to caution, it would have been enough to set Maria off.
Great.
'I think i know the trigger'
Never leaving her eyes, Natasha nods slowly.
'I just...'
Maria swallows and releases her fist. She is focusing on her breathing, on green eyes and nothing else. She forces the words out of her mouth.
'Can't -talk -here'
She absolutly can't divulge any weakness.
'Classified'
She grites out, hoping Natasha will take it from here.
The agent nods swiftly, turns her head to the side, never breaking eye contact. She must sense that Maria needs it to regain control. Clever little Russian woman. Maria is busy breathing and focusing on the red locks, the smooth skin, the inviting lips and the grace of it all, but she still realises Romanoff is talking to someone else.
'We can't move her out. She's unstable.'
Her tone is sharp, professional. Good. At least one of them can be.
'Disable all cameras and mics'
'You sure ?'
A male voice comes from above. The hawkeye. Even if having anyone witnessing her break down makes her cringe, Maria is glad Natasha has her best friend to watch her back.
'Do it'
The Russian answers, her green eyes reassuring Maria.
It takes not even a minute. They are pros at spying after all. Maria knows they have a micro EMP that can rend all electronics in the room inoperative for a short time. A small signal is all the confirmation Barton gives and it's enough for Natasha to fully turn toward Maria once more. Her stance changes completely and she steps closer to the glass, one hand pushed flat on the surface. Her face loses all its neutrality and she smiles, soft, caring. Natasha. The Natasha she dares to be when they are together, alone.
'Nat...'
Maria's own demeanour breaks and she closes the distance in two steps. Her own hand touches the wall, the cold glass between their skin. She pushes her face to the glass, begging to be closer, to feel the confort of an embrace, to tuck her nose into the curve of Natasha's warm neck, to smell her... She wants... Just for a moment, she wants to forget, to take a pause, to leave it all behind and nest in Natasha's arms.
But she can't.
They don't have much time. She is even surprised Fury isn't already here. She swallows her foolish longing, clears her throat from the sob she knows is choking her vocal cords.
'We don't have much time.'
Her voice wavers. She coughs.
'Fury will be here in minutes'
She tells herself as much as she tells Natasha. The Russian nods with a sad smile. There is longing in her eyes. They both want to hide, to have just five minutes for themselves, to reassure and sooth the uncertainty. They can't.
Maria starts to speak fast, pressed against the glass.
'I've felt rage before, Nat. I had plenty of reasons to. Yet this time it's like everything is enhansed, sharper, stronger. I had not control, Nat, none. I was like an animal, wild, like a beast. I couldn't think... '
She swallows. She doesn't have time to elaborate and she is glad for it, because she can't realy name what it felt, to be so... savage. Her eyes are tense with resolve.
'You are the thing that changed in my life Nat. You make me feel. I never felt that much before, about anything, and maybe it's like it opened a gate or something inside of me, i don't know. Like i can feel more of anything. Everything.'
She doesn't stop to dwell on the fact that she is basicly confessing her feelings for Natasha. It is not about that, not about them, it is about assessening and managing a threat. Herself. They need understanding, and fast. She sighs.
'I don't know' She rushes 'But now when i am angry, realy angry, furious, i am hyper aware of any potential threats around me. You were a threat, earlier. I could feel your... intention to strike.'
She struggles to put words into this.
'It was like i could feel your waves, i don't know.' She closes her fist in frustration. 'The threat feed my anger and i lost it.'
'Okay'
The husky voice is calm in the silence.
'Okay ?'
Maria's is sceptic and tired.
'Okay'
Natasha repeats with ease.
'I guess we'll start with some kind of Banner treatment, and we'll go from there '
'What ?'
She doesn't have time to process that Romanoff fallows up.
'You need to tell me exactly about your powers, all of it. You need to get this under control, Maria. We can't let you walk around the Agency in this state. You know that. And you can't stand to be quarantined, out of the loop of the Agency. I know that. So you have a choice to make. Either we treat you as a potential threat and we lock you up like any other enhanced on the list, monitored and secured, either you learn to really master your abilities and you remains the Hard Ass Commander Hill i know you are. Your choice.'
Maria blinks, mouth opened. Natasha is looking at her with her hands on her hip, her dictative no-bullshit tone cuts in her brain. She can't escape this, not this time. Checkmate.
'I agree'
The sarcastic low voice rings in her ears. Of course he is here to flash his victory in her face. He gets what he wanted all along.
'So you will train, Agent Hill. Romanoff will be your training officer. You will be send on a secured and high classified location and you will tell her everything, Hill. That's an order.'
Maria grunts and turns around, giving him her back as she crosses her arms over her chest. She tries to rein on her rising anger and keeps her brain working.
'You'll stay here until your transfert. When you're on the ground you'll willingly give a sample of whatever it is that is needed to help assess your state and possible treatment.'
She can hear Fury's amusement. The happy bastard has her cornered. He will get his tests now.
'Or do you prefer the residence of a cell, Agent ? '
He taunts her and she feels the rage growing. She closes her eyes. There is no tingle. Fury is no threat. She needs to relax.
'Sir'
Natasha's clipt tone makes her pause. Natasha. She focuses on Natasha. Sweet, caring Natasha. She tunes to her voice and breathes.
' I need everything you have on Commander Hill. ' There is a pause, she is probably raising her eyebrow once more. Maria doesn't dare turn around to see her even when all in her wants to, because she knows Fury is standing right next to her.
' I know you have data about her, you have data about all of us, and she is your Deputy Director. You wouldn't have chosen her without knowing who she is. I need it, all of it. And no-one else can know about her current situation, not about her episode just now, not about her... originality, not about her treatment. Nothing licks.'
'Don't order me around, Romanoff. I know what needs to be done. Banner, you and me will be the only ones to know about her. Well... Barton too, obviously.'
Oh. Maria forgot about him. She must really be out of it.
'Mmm, know about what exactly ?'
The Hawkeye is no longer on higher ground, his voice indicates he is standing with the rest of the deciding team. Apparently Maria isn't among the deciding team.
'We need to keep this quiet. The staff and the Council must not know about this. You and Romanoff are on your own to deal with Hill. Gather your gear and hers, i'll give you an aircraft preped with what you'll need, and location to land. Protocal Loner and Lullaby, Agents. You know the drill. Take the same course, and the same precautions.'
He strains the word purposfully. The warning is clear. Maria is the next Hulk to be. Great.
'Oh and Agent Hill, you're suspended from duty starting immediatly.'
/
The aircraft comes under the hellicarier and takes her cell on it's roof. She doesn't have to be moved. That's how much she is impredictable right now apparently. Everything was perfectly fine this morning. As fine as a normal day running the Agency could be. She was sculpting Art to be her assistant and picking up some more helping people to delegate her workload. Really, it was fine. Then Barton called, Natasha was in a hole, Fury went stupid, leaving her to clean his mess, and somehow she ends up in a flying cell, looking at the sky rushing by.
'Landing point in twenty Commander'
At least Barton is treating this like a common mission. His voice is cut by the com and the cell remains quiet. The landscape is actually nice to look at, when you take the time. Maria never really took the time though, when she was on the hellicarrier, always something on her mind, something to do or to supervise. Now she can watche, she is out of job after all. Except, who is she kidding ? She can't make herself relax and enjoy this moment, her brain is already at work to resolve this mess and go back to her desk. She has a ship to lead, she can't let Fury unsupervised for long. Certainly not with his current new toys that he conveniently choose not to mention while releasing her from duty in one go. She has to go back as fast as she can. The twins are a situation ready to go boom. On her ship.
Hill gets up from her position on the floor, finds her footing and walks to the com. She presses the button, her commanding tone back in full force now that her emotions are finally in control. She can feel it, there fire is out.
'Slide the fucking flying cell into the pod, Agent. We don't have time to waste.'
Well, almost in control. The cursing word just sliped out but she breathes and straightens herself. She is Commander Hill. She is in charge and she will get go back to her ship.
Barton doesn't answer on the com. The aircraft shifts, the cell goes down and finally the metalic structure appears on the sides and the sky disappears. The round compartiment Hulkproof -suposedly- is now resting in the middle of the jet. Hawkeye is on pilot duty, clearly avoiding looking at her. Were they talking about her ? Was it why he left her outside the plane instead of directly transfering her in it ? For a second Maria narrows her eyes toward him, but the other passenger clears her throat on the tail of the ship. Apparently they decided to keep the coms open between them now. They coud have done that from the start. With a final pointed look toward him, Maria reluctantly turns her attention to the Black Widow. The woman is bend above an open file, probably about her. She is sitted on the floor against a black trunk, probably about her too. Everything is about her now. Fuck. Maria flexes her jaw and choses to ignore the blatant violation of privaty. She always knew this day was coming, doesn't make it easy.
Natasha keeps her head bow, but her eyes look at her from under their eyelashes.
'Army ? '
She asks. And yeah, this is going to be a long day. Maria sighs and squats on the fucking bright floor.
'Is there a button to turn down the light in this thing ?'
She unclenches her fists.
'It makes me edgy'
'You mean edgier ?'
Natasha draws drily before moving to the pilar between the two curving glass of the cell. The neons subdue to dull ambiance.
'Better ?'
Her voice is soft now.
'Yes. Thank you.'
Maria flexes her legs indian style to sit on the bare floor, leveled with Romanoff, and passes a finger between her brows with a tired sigh.
'Look, let's not walk around this. Do what you have to do. I'll try for transparency, but you know how that might turns out. Make me, if you have to. Whatever it takes to get me back on the job. '
She stops her rubbing of her forehead.
'I mean it Romanoff. Do what you have to do.'
The Russian eyes her from her spot in front of her. Her face is neutral, the face of the Black Widow, ready to impersonate whoever. She nods. Here we go.
'Army ?'
Her tone is like her face.
'That's not the beginning of it. My last... moments in the military were important because it made me realise the high amplitude of my protection ability, but Jiaying told me long before that who i am with my... power... is the direct continuity of who i am at the core. She said it all comes to who i am'
Jiaying was a bit of a poetic fuck, always elusive without really giving any information. Like everything in this AfterLife place, the so-called leader of Inhumans used mystery to keep her sheeps in the dark with empty riddles supposed to enlight the traines and make them worthy of Terregenesis. Bullshit. This woman was a fake, but everyone ate in her hand, Gordon at the top of the line. It's a good thing Jiaying is not manipulating anyone anymore. In the chaos and the disparition of many during the desaster of the war between SHIELD and AfterLife, at least her death had been confirmed and her body burnt. No coming back for this one. Maria wishes she could know exactly what happened to all of the Inhumans though. She made sure to stay out of this mess, Fury too happy to keep her as a secret asset for later times – for what, an other alien invasion ? – had let Coulson handle this one in her stead. Truth is, she chose to stay far in the shadows because she didn't want to face her past. She prefered to stay dead.
'So who are you ?'
Maria grimaces. She's in for her life story. Wonderful. She isn't a talking person.
'We don't have time for the side lines, so i'll give you the short cuts to my psyche.'
She uses a mecanical voice as she chooses a spot on the metalic wall of the aircraft to look at and starts telling her story. She speaks short, efficiently, giving facts about her childhood, her dead mother, her abusive father. Sometimes Romanoff snaps a 'full disclosure Hill' and Maria relents more details. She elaborates the different tortures and grieves she faced, alone, throughout her childhood and teenage years as a civilian. She is grateful then, to have Barton and Romanoff as gardians and designated listeners, because she knows they have a similar, dark history. There is no pity, there is no judgement, no shame, no shit coming from them. They just listen and let her pose the pace she needs to give it all out.
Her whole life is resumed as best she can within the time of the flight, there is not much to tell anyway. She narrates like she would read a report about somebody else's life. Gordon showing up, AfterLife, Jiaying and her riddles, Gordon's suffocating crush on her, which led to Terregenesis and her fleeting the crazy bunch of weirdos.
Next comes erasing all traces of her old life, her new identity as Maria Hill, aged enough to enlist. She sumes her six years in the Army, quickly ganing ranks, going on ops as Special Forces, her code name on the squad after the fifth time she 'sensed' a threat and brought her unit to safety before hell broke loose. They called her Gardian. It went for three more years. Still, her 'guts' didn't work all the time. At the end, she didn't warned them about the mines. She couldn't. It was total chaos and all went too fast. When she regained consciousness there was this black man standing above her shadowing the sky. Turns out SHIELD was watching her for a while, her achievements hadn't gone unoticed. The rest is history, but she tells it anyway.
Height years in the Agency with Phil and Sharon slowly worming their way into her inexistant private life, Fury's annual harassment to use her power, and Natasha.
Hill takes a pause. She knows beyond the cold facts regarding her life story she has to talk about her feelings, her emotions. It's the core of the problem she is currently in. Multiple times during her monologue Romanoff asks her to stop her monocord narration and develop the feeling part of it all. They both know powers are triggered by emotions. They need to dig into that. So each time Maria pauses, like now, and struggles to put words to the hollow sensations from her past. Since her father, a very long time ago at the beginning of her life, she switched off her emotions and didn't turned them back on before Coulson's bugging insistance at being her friend. AfterLife and military were all dull and non felt. She was a good soldier with no emotion, the perfect machine with cold efficiency, and that's it. She gained rank, respect and even some admiration in her time in the army, but it didn't affect her. She never wanted to be anything more, no mater how hard her commando unit tried to befriend her. When she joined SHIELD, Fury made her bunk with an other agent, Agent Carter. It was odd, since a Deputy Director could have private quarters of her own, but she didn't say anything because she didn't care. The first real emotion she remembers feeling is annoyance. Coulson took it apon himself to be his shadow man, and he smiled a lot. Genuily. To her. It gritted on her nerves. But then he was also smart, discret, had a curious wity sense of humour that made her lips curl upward. Sometimes. It took Phil two years for Maria to smile a little in his presence, and later to laugh at his stupid jokes.
'When Barton took Black Widow prisonner, Coulson was handling the situation and Fury was hovering next to him. It was overcrowded. I knew Coulson and Fury would balance each other out, so i stayed out of it. Of course i read the mission report, but nothing more about it. I trusted Coulson. If he daigned you clear to walk around the ship with the green light from the psych, that was fine by me. I have an Agency to run, not a babysitting. If you'd lost it, it would have been on Fury's hands. I was still... dull, at the time. I mean, i cared for the Agents under my command, on some level, but it didn't phase me enough to worry. Point is, i was doing my job, and you weren't part of it until the Director demmed otherwise. I had no opinion about the situation. I first met you one year after they brought you, you were in the mess hall. '
With her eyes closed to help her remember, Maria lets a small smile stretch on her face. The young Russian was a beauty of restrained death, impassive, but the danger vibrated around her all the same. She was deadly, and she didn't hide it, not in SHIELD where everybody knew about the Black Widow in their mist. In the back of Maria's mind, she had wondered then if the young woman was hiding her true self behind her code name. Maybe she was more than her upbringing. Only time would tell.
'You were eating with Barton, or maybe it's more accurate to say Barton was sitted next to you, probably still babysitting you'
Her smile grows on her face, her eyes still closed, her voice hoarse from talking. She sees the scene from so long ago. Before Black Widow became Natasha Romanoff.
'So, feelings... Like everyonelse i saw your beauty. Didn't felt anything, it was just a fact like stating the weather. That's not what made me look at you a little more when i should have gone my own way. I felt... drawn. It was barely there, deep inside me. But i... you intrigued me. You made me curious. I wondered who you were, under the surface. I wondered if you knew it yourself.'
She recalls the oddness of it. She never stopped to watch people if it weren't her duty before.
'It lasted only a few seconds, then i turned around and forgot all about it. About you.'
Maria swallows and drops her head. She needs to be honest about this if she wants to control her power.
'I chose to forget about it. I never wanted to feel, anything. I never saw the point of it. To me, feeling would just make me weak. So i didn't look into it, i ignored it, ignored you, and moved on. I really forgot about it, like my brain filed it deep in storage never to think about. I'm surprised to remember now. If i could, i would have erase the memory of those few seconds when you gave me pause, i know it without a doubt. Duty was all i wanted out of life. Easy, uncomplicated. '
Natasha hums somewhere on the left. She is still leaning on the trunk while Maria is now laying on her side, head proped on her hand. She opens her eyes a little and stares at the Russian. For a moment she remains silent and just watches her, she lets her eyes roam over the petite silhouette. Romanoff has her eyes closed too, listening to the story of her life, repertoring every piece of information in her wonderful brain. No data will remain about this. No recording, no notes, just their three memories to understand and resolve the puzzle that is Maria Hill, the unclassified Inhuman.
With a long intake of breath, she starts talking again.
/
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/
/
A/N
I don't have any excuse, really, i've been lazy.
Big time lazy.
I wrote different versions of this chapter, but at the end i went with the first one. Hope you like it !
I'll try to kick my ass and update soon.