Well, it took a bit longer than usual- I caught a rather sudden and nasty cold, unfortunately (in summer no less!) -but here I am, the great (or not so great really) Confused-ish, with Chapter 10.
Commenters, as always, your comments are a pleasure. Thank you for the support- I will do my best to fulfill your wishes (keep going with the story, I mean).
I won't take up your time with idle chatter, save to point out that there is a bit of swearing in this, but not much, so hope you guys don't mind. I know most people probably don't, but for those of you who like your stuff 100% squeaky clean... my apologies.
Anyway, A Heavy Burden continues; and what a heavy burden it is.
Hope you enjoy, and here is chapter 10:
Ogasawara Sachiko was oblivious. Sitting in the yamayurikai room several days after Yumi had informed Shimako and Yoshino of her unfortunate news, she remained ignorant of the events that had transpired. She knew that something was off- the yamayurikai were subdued as a whole, some looking downright stricken –but she had her own despairing thoughts to entertain and somehow her concern for that thing she could not quite put her finger- that certain sense of wrongness -was ignored.
She did notice that Yumi- who she still had a hard time being around –did not seem as depressed as she had previously, and this confused her.
Does she not care anymore? She found herself thinking. Does she not care that I'm marrying Suguru?
The thought was surprisingly painful. No, she didn't want to hurt Yumi- loathed the very idea of it -but the thought that Yumi did not feel as strongly about her as she felt about her petite souer… it was heart wrenching. Sachiko could not bear to think of it and so she didn't, spending her time staring out the window of the yamayurikai room instead and sighing every now and again, the weariness she felt growing increasingly apparent. Graduation was fast approaching and with it her plans for that hated marriage. She didn't know how much more she could take before something inside her snapped.
Though Sachiko remained ignorant- and still miserable in her ignorance -the news spread quickly to some and slower to others, reaching all of the other yamayurikai in the end.
A dazed Touko didn't inform Noriko until a few nights after she had accidently heard those hated words pass her onee-sama's lips. She just showed up unannounced on her friend's doorstep one evening, clearly distraught and helplessly pleading for answers a suddenly reeling Noriko did not have.
Yoshino broke down in the deserted gym of all places, sobbing onto a bewildered Rei's chest- kendo uniform soaking up her stray tears -the very day she learned the full story. Heart broken, she asked her cousin how god could be so cruel.
Rei in response simply hugged her close, her painfully tight heart going out to Yumi and her still clueless onee-sama even as she made soothing noises to her own younger sister, telling her it was good to let out her tears as she wiped them lovingly off her cheeks.
Shimako too turned to her older sister immediately after the incident, though initially more composed than Yoshino when she informed her- face pale and grave –that she had something serious to tell her.
It was the last of these that took the news the hardest. Satou Sei, flippant jokester extraordinaire, bone fide lesbian that she was, the girl who was constantly glomping on her cute little Yumi chan; it was she whose color drained from her cheeks and whose mind simply blanked at the news- turned, in the blink of an eye, to mush -coherent thoughts escaping without effort.
Not Yumi, not my Yumi chan. Oh God, anyone but Yumi…
Immediately she accused Shimako of playing a prank on her- "you're pulling my leg, aren't you?" -even going so far as to laugh in a short, humorless way. But her petite souer mutely shook her head, eyes weary and strained, not an ounce of amusement in them, and Sei knew that it what she said had to be true.
Despite this she continued on the offensive, going so far as to shout at her younger sister, saying "that's not funny Shimako, that's not fucking funny!"
When she prepared to yell some more- desperately looking to hold onto her anger so that she would not have to be faced with those harder, deeper things -her petite souer simply stepped forward and hugged her, leaning in close to whisper thinly into her ear, "I'm sad too, onee-sama."
Something, right then and there- inside Sei's aching, bruised chest -cracked, simply gave way, and she fell to her knees, Shimako dropping with her. The latter of the two buried her face in her stunned onee-sama's shoulder, composure forgotten as she sobbed for all that she was worth. Something like I'm sorry slipped out of her mouth, garbled though it was, and Sei, hearing it, shook her head.
It obviously wasn't her fault, the older girl though dazedly, it was God's, and she hated him right then with a vengeance she'd never before experienced, so passionately that it drove her to her feet after a few minutes of Shimako's tearful cries, carrying her to the door.
Fuck you God, she thought as she fumbled with her shoes, slipping them on with trembling fingers, lips pressed in a tight line to keep from shouting at the heavens. Her fury threatened to choke her, so strong it was, so complete.
And still, she pushed down the other emotions that haunted her, burying them deep.
Fuck Maria-sama, fuck it all!
Her anger- large as it was -made her cut off her petite souer's frightened call- "where are you going?" –with an abrupt- "I'll be back" –voice cold and abysmally hard in her fury.
Oh how she welcomed it- the anger. It did not swallow her sorrow but she willed it to, cursing the powers that be as she ran down the street- one, two, several –running for a long time in the hopes that it would take her mind off other things. She ignored the odd looks she got- they did not matter –as she pushed herself forward, her destination firmly in mind so that she pursued it unwaveringly.
It took her awhile but eventually she reached that house- determination carrying her up the steps –somehow keeping her steady so that when Yukki came to the door- red eyed and tired, she did not completely fall apart.
"Where is Yumi?" she demanded, no room for refusal in her voice. "I need to talk to her."
Yukki, not even putting up a protest, had stood there for a moment, simply looking at her, his dark gaze- so much like his sister's –bone weary. Eventually he had answered, voice thin, "in her room. Please, be kind to her."
And so that was where Sei had gone, pushing rudely past the boy though he did not deserve such rudeness, though she knew he had to be as heart broken, if not more so, than the rest of them- yet in that moment she didn't care. She had to see her and wouldn't be stopped, couldn't be, and when she reached the door to the girl's bedroom she flung it open, startling Yumi with the loud noise.
Those brown eyes had looked up to see her standing there, face half hidden in the shadows of the door way but not that determined expression, and her obvious initial surprise had melted into a small, half smile, kind but not cheerful.
"Ah," she had murmured, voice quiet and subdued. A little exclamation of the sad variety, a knowing one. "So you know too, Sei-sama?"
And when Sei had not responded immediatly- had simply stood there, rooted to the spot –Yumi had been the one to move, slowly getting to her feet, setting down the pencil she had been using to do her homework- so normal it defied the bizarreness of the situation. She stood and looked at the older girl, waiting for the words she knew were to come- because Sei had not come here- out of breath as she was –to simply stare at her.
And Sei, true to Yumi's prediction, opened her mouth and finally spoke, struggling to get the words out past the aching in her throat.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Her voice, though she had meant it to be hard- where, for god's sake, had all of her anger gone? –was raw and painful. Small.
Yumi, at the sound of it, had smiled again- that same, crescent moon of a smile, a sad sliver of what was usually a full orb. A smile of understanding Sei feared she was beginning to loathe. Then, the younger girl had answered, quietly, voice barely above a whisper but even as she looked at her, right in the eye; "because, Sei-sama, I couldn't bear to see you sad."
That had been the last straw. Trust Yumi to be kind. Trust her to be honest, even when it was easier not to be. Trust her to find her courage when Sei suddenly lost all of hers.
For the second time that night Sei fell to her knees- her exhausted legs simply buckling beneath her –as tears finally broke past her wall. "God Yumi," she had sobbed, her face turning down to the carpet so that those clears droplets fell onto it. "God."
And Yumi, being of goodwill that she was, had quickly walked over to her, gently pressing the older girl's head against her stomach and stroking her soft hair, almost like a mother comforting her child.
"Hush, Sei-sama," she had whispered lovingly. "Its okay, I've got you."
And Sei, whose fluttering, wounded heart could only take so much, allowed herself to be comforted. She allowed herself to cry until she had no more tears to cry, allowed the role reversal to take place- Yumi taking care of her when it was usually the other way around.
And when she was done, when all the tears that were going to be shed had been shed, when she'd recovered all of the ground she was going to, at that moment, recover, she slowly got to her feet. She got to her feet and looked down at the younger girl- so easy to tease, so kind, so innocent –it hurt her to look at her. But she did it anyway, and said to her, quietly, still broken by the days events;
"Yumi chan, I'm here for you. We all are; don't give up."
And again, Yumi had smiled, thanking her. She'd informed Sei, in that moment, of a few other things- the fact that she'd already confessed to Youko, that Shimako and Yoshino, and Touko, and probably everyone else, knew by now, save for one –Sachiko.
"Please, Sei-sama," she'd said quietly to the other girl as she revealed this, the resolve in her eyes temporarily replaced by something profoundly sorrowful. "Don't tell onee-sama about me. Please."
Sei, of course, had demanded an explanation; "you can't hide this from her forever, Yumi," and, reluctantly, Yumi had given one.
"After the marriage," she had said quietly. "I'll tell her after she is married."
Her face had winced a bit as she said this; she could not help it- it was painful to think of -but she continued at the angry look in Sei's eyes. "She deserves happiness, Sei sama," she had pleaded quietly. "She loved Suguru once- she told me that. If she can be happy with him, then that is better, I think. If I tell her now, it will make things… hard for her." She'd smiled again, sadly. "Onee-sama is graduating. She is getting married. She has her whole life ahead of her. I… I can only offer her so much. So little." This time she could not stop, it seemed, the tears that entered her own eyes as she looked up at a shocked Sei imploringly. "Please Sei-sama- for me? Youko-sama agreed already."
And Sei, seeing that look in those brown eyes, the helplessness in them, had reluctantly agreed because she didn't see what else she could do. What any of them could do. She'd agreed to keep her lips sealed, and with one last hug from Yumi, she'd left, unable to stay. Unable to bear looking at the girl, her dying little Yumi chan, and so she'd left instead, breaking out tears she no longer thought she had as she walked down the street, so heavily weighed upon it felt as though she would collapse and never get back up.
Now, everyone knew. Even Eriko, having been informed by a tired, distressed Youko, knew of Yumi's condition. Sachiko was the only one in the dark.
There were three weeks until graduation. Six until the wedding.
The yamayurikai could only pray for a miracle- for those two, pitiful figures- and for themselves too.