Degree 10: Chill

"You're….not running?"

"No. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I'll stay for as long as you want me to."

Relief. That was what Akashi Seijuurou felt when he heard those words. Kouki isn't running. Never before did anyone want to stay by his side. Not willingly anyway. Some part of him felt light as if he were floating. Another part of him wants to scream, "Do not be so kind to me!" There's another part of him that wants to hurt Kouki. Make him run away, far from him. Akashi held back the tears of frustration over some naïve, overly sweet boy that he didn't really know the existence about until recently.

Honestly, Kouki does not belong by his side. It should have been Tetsuya. The one who made his heart ache and burn at the same time. Taiga took that chance away in a flash. Bitterness still plagues his head, repeating over and over again. Pathetic. Worthless. He would have never loved you. All you ever do is hurt people and cause pain to others. He does not understand why Kouki is so unfairly kind to him. The sweetness is overbearing, suffocating. Akashi only hits and bruises him. He does not deserve it.

He's a monster.

Akashi has heard it all before. They call him a dictator, a tyrant. They think he doesn't hear them, but he does. He continues on with his life. Rules over Teiko as he should. He was not going to allow himself to be swayed by the opinions of people who don't understand his intentions. He supposes that is why they fear him. He grew used it over time. A little too much.

But Kouki stayed. He can almost feel the lingering warmth in his pinky after they finished their walk in the Yosen palace gardens. He offered him a way out. To leave. To say goodbye to him forever and live the life he always wanted. Kouki returned to their room to leave him be to his thoughts. How did he know he felt anxious? Was it the way he spoke? His body language? Akashi was not sure how Kouki was able to read his troubled mind, but he was still grateful nonetheless. He closes his eyes, delving deep into his psyche. Where he is. His other self. It's an odd thought. To refer a part of himself as another person. As if he doesn't exist.

"It has been some time since you last came here." His other self greeted with a cold smile, his voice carrying an edge of arrogance and irritation.

"I have been busy." He replies.

A scoff, "With Kouki, I am aware. That is why you're here. You're hesitating."

He bristles, "I am not. He stayed with us. He could have run."

"Maybe he did not run because he's afraid. Did you not think of that?" Akashi had forgotten how rather sadistic his other self can be.

"I….do not know what to say." Is all he could say in return.

"Do not fool yourself Seijuurou. Kouki will be like the others. He will run. He will leave you. Like Mother. Like Tetsuya. He fears us. How would you know that he won't leave? He could be staying out of a sense of obligation. Because I do not see how he could love me or you."

"I will admit that I do not know his thoughts or opinion of me or you. Maybe he will run, maybe he won't. I don't know. You don't know. He might be staying out of obligation or he could not. All I know is that you must treat him more kindly. One day, we could love him."

"I cannot promise anything like love for him. I do want to speak to him. I want to see what makes him so special to you." There is a hitch in his other self's voice, he is unsure of how this plan will play out.

He can only nod, "Fine. You may take over."

When he opens his eyes, they were the usual hetero-chromic irises everyone sees. Seijuurou is not present anymore. It's Emperor Akashi, the feared tyrant. He slips on a crimson yutaka with light fuchsia polka dots splattered over the silky cloth. He must see Atsushi and Tatsuya, to say his farewells before he heads off to Shuutoku. When he finished getting dressed, he takes one more glance at the room. All of his and Kouki's belongings are already on the boat for their departure. He is merely taking a moment to himself and gather his thoughts.

He walks out of the room with a regal stance. The hallway is mostly quiet aside from the occasional footsteps of the staff walking about doing their daily chores. He spots a familiar brunette speaking to one of the butlers. Kouki. Akashi ignores the way his heart skipped a beat at the sight of him and proceeded to greet him like a husband should. Auburn eyes spot him and widen slightly at his presence.

"Good morning Seijuurou." Kouki's voice is warm but he lowers his head in a slight bow.

He was responding to him as if he knows there's a change in his personality. How did he know? How was he aware of the difference? Yes, Kouki knows he had this condition that makes him appear as a different person. But, there is no way he could have figured out when he switched with Seiuurou. Kouki could not have known right away after finding out this information. Right? Akashi suddenly has this feeling of intrigue and curiosity about his husband.

Akashi thinks that Kouki is quite an enigma.

Seijuurou is different.

Furihata doesn't know how he knows, but he does.

The first sign was the way he stood. Second, the small grin on his face. Thirdly, the mismatched eyes. This isn't the same Seijuurou he spoke to the other day. It was the emperor. It's kind of funny how he already figured out that there are two personalities within his husband's mind. Furihata came to that conclusion from what they talked about the other day in the gardens. He wonders if this is some sort of test. Seeing if he wasn't lying about his loyalty. That he won't run.

Furihata knows he's not going anywhere anytime soon.

"So…we're going to Shuutoku, Seijuurou?" He questions.

"Yes, we are. Kouki, I have something to ask you and I would like for you to be honest with me. Is that alright with you?" His husband glances at him with a small quirk of his lips.

Furihata gulps, "Of course."

A hum, "Tell me…how much has living in Rakuzan since my father's reign ended?"

"Well…I know it ended not that long ago, I was a bit too young to really understand what was going on. My mom told me that the labor laws weren't all that great when the previous emperor was in power. Everyone was worried about losing their jobs and employers were pretty corrupt too. There were a lot of stories of employers skimming money from their employees' paychecks and things like that." Mind as well be honest if that is what is being asked of him.

"I see. Tell me more."

"Um…the pay rate was really low too. It was only enough to keep food on the table but barely anything to support a family. When you came into power at fifteen, a lot of things changed. The corruption in the labor system went away and there was a large rise in the middle class too." He recites to Akashi.

"But, there are still families that are still below the poverty line like yours, correct?" Akashi tilts his head slightly to the side as if analyzing his reaction.

He answers, "Yes, there is. I think the numbers are like five percent of families living in Rakuzan is still below the poverty line."

His husband pinches his nose, "I can see that even with the improvements in the labor laws, there are still people that are suffering. I do not know what the best way to affix that issue is."

"What about the vaults?"

"The vaults?"

"Yes. The royal treasury is there. I know it's there to pay the military force, but just of it is just collecting dust and I think it'll be more efficient to bring some money into the country by increasing the pay rate in places with lots of employees like factories and such." Furihata suggests.

"Hmmm…I can see how that might be a good way to not only increase pay rates for underpaid employees but also increase morale. I will take what you said into consideration." Akashi says while tapping his chin with his index finger.

He looks at him, "You're different."

Akashi acknowledges his statement with a small nod, "You caught on."

"It took some time, but there's something different." Furihata breathes out.

"Are you going to ask?"

"Do you want me to?"

His husband softly caresses his face with his right hand, "Listen Kouki, you do not need to pretend to care. I am aware that we agreed to meet each other halfway, but I feel that I have jumped into the decision too prematurely. I hope that you can understand that it will take some time for me to uphold my end of that agreement."

Furihata's throat is strained, the hand touching him feels like it burned him, "W-Why the sudden change of heart? I thought we made progress the other day in the gardens."

"I am been too hasty in my decision to agree to meet you halfway. And as for what occurred in the gardens, it was something that I will never forget." Akashi strokes his cheek with his thumb.

"I thought…..I thought you started caring for me." His body shakes and he had such a hard time getting his words out with his dry throat.

"Then….I suppose you do not know me that well after all."

Choking back hot tears, he replies, "Yeah… I guess I don't."

He looks like Hell.

He knows he does.

Only about an hour away from their destination on the outskirts of Shuutoku, Furihata has been spending time in the bathroom. Trying to gather his thoughts. To collect the tears he tries to hold back. It's pretty ugly if he's being honest. Hot trails of grief inking his cheeks. Eyes red-rimmed from the constant dry heaving and stuttering breathing. Voice cracked. Hands shaking. Whimpers breaking free from his lips. The tired, saddened expression on his face when he looks at himself in the mirror.

He hates it. Feeling so exhausted and frankly, heart-broken. Just when he thought he finally got through with his husband and made some type of progress, it goes back about five steps. His plans to get closer to his husband simply backfired on him. Furihata is tired of the tears. Of the pain and fear. These thoughts race through his mind as he deeply inhales. The brunette replayed the same thing in his head. Mocking him. Playing with his feelings. Tugging at his heart painfully. It hurts.

It stabbed him mercilessly. Over and over and over and over. In an endless rhythm of pain. "Then….I suppose you do not know me that well after all." Those words. Being said in that cold, detached voice. Seeing Seijuurou's serious expression as he told him those hurtful words. It hurt. He was in pain. Pain that grew deeply rooted into his chest. Furihata never felt this way towards this way with anyone before. He bites his lips. Tries to ignore the squeeze in his tightened heart. His hands brush over the silky kimono. Breathe. In and out. In and out. In and out. In and out.

For the first time in his life, Furihata doesn't know how he feels. He's usually aware of his emotions. But now? His feelings are a disaster. All over the place. In a messy, unorganized manner. His world had been turned upside down since he married Akashi Seijuurou. At this moment, nothing in his world makes any sense anymore. It's overwhelming not understanding what's going on with his heart. The brunette takes in his ruined, red-eyed appearance with dried tears on his face when he realizes it. The worst type of realization to ever discover in his whole eighteen years of being alive.

He's fallen in love with Akashi Seijuurou.

Is it possible to turn invisible?

Because that is what Furihata wants to do now.

Okay. He's in love with Akashi Seijuurou. The worst possible person to ever have romantic feelings for. As in he had a better chance with that girl he had his first kiss with than falling for Seijuurou. Does he not have any taste? People might expect for him to love his husband. 'Cause, duh, that's his freaking husband. He is literally married to the guy. It's ridiculous. What a troublesome predicament that he somehow got himself into.

Furihata did NOT ask for this. He really didn't. He assumed he would fall some nice girl or guy back in his village and have a mediocre life with a lovely family. Now, everything is a jumbled complication. He's in love. And, the person he cares for is a cold-hearted bastard. The guy had him caged up and he suddenly developed feelings for him? Stockholm syndrome much? He should laugh at the insane twist of fate. It's funny. Almost. The urge to laugh and cry at the same time truly is strong. He really has horrible tastes in who he likes romantically.

He had been in denial at the realization that he is in-love-with-the-worst-possible-person-on-Earth while climbing off the boat and on to Shuutoku territory. He wonders if the bodyguards think he lost his mind. Takao greets them eagerly while explaining that King Midorima was wrapped up in some meeting with his council to be able to welcome them. They hopped into a carriage to whisk them off to the deep jungles that surround the kingdom. There were small dragons flying about amongst the exotic creatures that live in the forest. Furihata thinks about the request he made to Seijuurou. He hopes that his husband took his suggestion about putting in laws to protect the dragons into some serious thought.

They finally got to palace after about twenty minutes. Before he could say anything, Takao grabbed his wrist and dragged him away from Seijuurou. He doesn't know if he should feel grateful to his friend or relieved that he does not have to deal with the awkwardness of being next to the emperor while knowing he loves him. That would have been really uncomfortable.

The two walked off to large double, dark green doors. Inside was a rather simplistic and warm room. There was a large collection of pillows in a variety of colors on the ornate carpet. A small row of bookshelves lined one of the walls and on the opposite side was a vanity mirror. He spots an extremely plushy couch that seems like it can fit about five people at once. A low table with sitting cushions a bit off center. There was a fancy china set, two steaming cups of tea, a plate of cookies and a platter of tiny cakes with some utensils.

"Kazu, what is this?" He asks.

"This is kind of like a hangout room that I use when I have friends over. A lot less stuffy than having to sit in a dining room and less weird than taking you to the master bedroom." Takao says.

He takes a seat on top of the sitting cushions and takes a cup of tea that his friend offers him, "Thanks for bringing me here then. It's a lovely room."

The other smiles brightly, "Thanks! I come here sometimes when Shin-Chan is busy with his duties. Besides, we can complain all we want about our husband and bond at the same time! Don't you think that's a great idea?"

"Yeah, it is." He sighs deeply and it seems his friend caught on to his current mood.

"What's wrong? You've been off since you came here." Takao looks at him with concern in his eyes.

Furihata sighs again, "Um….did you fall in love with King Midorima before or after you got married?
Takao blinks, "A bit of both actually. At first, I wanted him to acknowledge me and stuff. We spent a lot of time together 'cause that was my goal. During that time, I took the time to really get to know him underneath the prissy, kind of cold appearance he has. I developed feelings for him after that. I didn't really fall in love until a bit after we got married. Our marriage isn't perfect or anything, but I do love him with all my heart."

"I see…" Was all he could add.

"Why do you ask? Did….Emperor Akashi do something to you?"

That very sentence made him launch into the story of how he got married to the emperor. From the day he rescued him to the time they walked in the gardens at the Yosen palace. He even included the parts where he was treated like dirt by his husband. Furihata talked about what had happened right before they got to Shuutoku as well. It felt freeing. Sharing all these feelings and thoughts with someone else. Especially after holding it in for so long. While he spoke, Takao just listened and didn't intervene. He let him finish what he wanted to say and didn't interrupt for a single moment.

When he spoke about how heartbroken he felt about Seijuurou's words and realizing his love for him, he pretty much started crying. More ugly tears. Choked sobs and wrecked heaving. He can actually release the pain he felt in front of someone he trusts instead of having to handle it by himself. By the time he finished, Furihata felt a lot better. He's also thankful that Takao didn't bring up the fact that he pretty much swallowed up all the desserts during his blabbering session.

"Wow." Was the first thing Takao said when he finished his tale.

"Yeah, everything is screwed up and even me loving him sounds kinds of twisted." He sniffles.

Takao hums, "Yeah, it's kind of fucked up. But, it's not twisted to want to care for someone. And, I say that you went through a lot of shit with him…I don't know what's going on in that guy's head but you need to find a way to love him despite the crap he gives you."

Furihata knows he's making a good point, "You're right. But how? Just when I thought I made some kind of progress with him, we go five steps backward! It's really maddening!"

"You guys are kind of like Beauty and the Beast…." He cackles.

"Now's not the time to make jokes! You're supposed to help me!" Furihata yells out in slight annoyance.

Takao stops, "Fine, fine! Anyways, the guy is a huge jerk that has emotional constipation and two sides of himself that cannot seem to reach any kind of agreement. It'll be hard to love a guy like that. But, I think you can find a way to show him that you're not leaving him and you are there to stay."

Furihata sees what he is trying to say. It's true. Seijuurou isn't easy to love. There seems to be a fear that he'll leave him. He can remember the times that his husband looked scared at the prospect of the idea of him running away. He saw the way Seijuurou breathed out in relief when he promised to never leave or abandon him. The brunette knows he will have to find a way to get the emperor to see that there is someone who actually loves him and doesn't fear him. Takao doesn't have all the answers that he needs to solve his problems. He will have to settle the matter on his own.

It's fine if Seijuurou doesn't return his feelings. All he wants is to show his husband that he will be there for him in the end. He can only hope that his love will be enough to help Seijuurou with the demons that haunt his mind. Furihata will take Takao's advice into consideration on how to give his husband the care that he had missed out his whole life. With a brand new determination, Furihata has the ambition to love Akashi Seijuurou with all that he has.

He can only hope for the best

To Be Continued